Chapter Text
A lot of times, people fall out of love for the same reasons they fell in it. For example, Bokuto’s booming laugh that Kuroo used to find so charming now just made him grimace. It was too loud. Too obnoxious. Too annoying.
They were getting dinner at the same little hole-in-the-wall place they always ate, with the same waitress that always took care of them, at the same table they always sat at. It was the same, but entirely different. Kuroo’s heart didn’t race when Bokuto kissed him before they sat down and his stomach didn’t flutter as his hands were held across the table. He found it annoying. It was too much touching. Too much PDA.
Since when did PDA bother him at all?
“Akaashi was telling me that some girl he works with confessed to him yesterday!” Bokuto was saying, loudly. Kuroo was playing with his food, listening. “He was so flustered by it that he said yes! Can you believe that! Akaashi said yes to a girl .”
“Unbelievable,” Kuroo said dryly.
“It’s going to be so awkward when he tells her that he doesn’t swing that way,” Bokuto continued, his voice carrying around the entire restaurant.
Kuroo grimaced slightly. “We’re in public, Bo. Quiet down.”
“Right, right! Sorry!” he whispered dramatically. “So how about you? How was your day?”
Kuroo didn’t answer immediately. It’d been long, tiring, slow… He worked as a bartender, and working the rush hour shift (as he called it) was his least favorite thing to do. Honestly, he still had a headache from how irritating some of the people were.
“It was fine,” he said after a pause. “I made about a hundred in tips, so tonight is on me. Okay?”
Bokuto’s smiled widened. “Only if you insist!” he said, obviously not trying to fight to pay himself.
“I do.”
There was silence for a few minutes while they ate. Kuroo couldn’t think of anything else to say. They’d already talked about Bokuto’s day of volleyball training. He had actually had the audacity to complain about it, when he knew how much it killed Kuroo that Bo was good enough to play professionally.
Kuroo had quit volleyball in college. It turned out that being good in high school didn’t mean he was good in college too.
Neither of them said anything when the waitress came to refill their cups, and it stayed quiet when she put the bill down on the table. Kuroo glanced at it quickly before pulling out his wallet.
The walk home to Bokuto’s apartment was short, but the silence made it seem to take forever. Bokuto held his hand, as if he hadn’t noticed at all that something was wrong.
It wasn’t surprising, given that Bokuto rarely ever noticed when anything was wrong.
“Are you staying for a bit?” Bokuto asked cheerfully, throwing his jacket onto the arm of the couch as soon as he was inside the door. Kuro didn’t bother taking his off.
“No, I’m going home. I’m sort of tired.”
“Aw, come on Tetsu! I’ll make you coffee or something!”
No point in saying no. Bokuto would just pout.
Kuroo slipped off his jacket and hung it on the door handle. “Just one cup, then.”
He sat at the kitchen table while Bokuto went into the kitchen to make their drinks. There was mail scattered all over it, some still unopened. A few magazines were on the seat next to him. It was so cluttered.
Not cluttered. Crowded. And Messy.
“Here you go!” Bokuto announced himself as he put a mug of coffee for Kuroo down on some of the unopened mail. A stain started spreading on the envelope. Kuroo looked away from it. It wasn’t his problem.
Bokuto fell into the seat across from him and grinned widely before taking a loud drink. Kuroo did the same, lifting the mug to his lips and taking a small sip. Too sweet. Like he’d dumped half a cup of sugar in it. The same way he always made it.
They sat in silence for a while, Bokuto leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling contentedly. Not a care in the world. God, it pissed Kuroo off. How could anyone be that careless constantly? He hated it. Hated how nothing mattered.
Kuroo drank the hot coffee down quickly and stood up.
“I’m going home now.”
“Aw, come on Tetsu! Stay a bit longer? I don’t think I’ll be able to go to sleep for like hours no-”
“I’m tired and I’m going to go to bed.” Kuroo stood up and walked to the door without looking back. His hands shook as he grabbed his jacket and put it on.
“Well, I guess if you’re tired we could alwa-”
“I’m exhausted, Bokuto.” The words slipped out before he could stop them, and once they started, he couldn’t seem to stop them. “I’m exhausted and have felt like shit all day. I just want to be alone for a while, okay? I don’t want to hang out right now.”
“You feel like shit? Since when? We had a nice evening.”
Kuroo wasn’t looking at him, couldn’t turn around to meet his eyes. He was shaking and had to bite his tongue to keep from turning around and screaming at him. Nothing was wrong. Bokuto couldn’t see that anything was wrong so why should he bother?
“Are you upset or something?”
Fuck biting his tongue.
“No, I’m perfectly fucking happy right now,” Kuroo shot at him, turning around with his arms wide, inviting Bokuto to shoot back. “Why would anything ever be wrong in this perfect little world you have?”
“What does that mean?” Bokuto asked, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “Is something wrong?”
The stress from work, the pain of being not good enough to play professionally, the disappointment of having his life go nowhere, and the unhappiness from this relationship all crashed down on him at once and he couldn’t have stopped himself from speaking again even if he had bothered trying.
He took a deep breath, and then quietly, “I want to break up.”
The silence that followed was painful. He watched Bokuto’s face change from confusion, to shock, to hurt. He saw the tears start welling up in his eyes and spilling over onto his cheeks.
Kuroo should’ve wanted to rush over and dry them, but he didn’t.
“I’m going home, Bokuto. I’ll let you know when I can get your stuff back to you.”
He turned and opened the door.
“ Wait .”
Kuroo paused, half way out of the apartment, and looked back. Bokuto was steadily crying, still standing in the same spot in the middle of the living room. As Kuroo watched, he doubled over, clutching his sides and shaking as he let out a heavy sob.
“Go to sleep,” Kuroo said quietly. “Call Akaashi. Take care of yourself, okay? Goodbye.”
With that, Kuroo stepped outside and closed the door behind him, ignoring the tears that had had started sliding down his own cheeks.