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The fire twisted in the sea breeze and scattered light across their surrounding camp. Most of the Scouts had retired to their tents in well earned rest after a long day of work, but Jean was still up.
His body was exhausted, but his mind was still awake. He had learned the hard way that trying to sleep when he was like this would just end in him lying awake in his bed dwelling on things he’d wish his mind would forget. Instead of putting himself through that, he sat by the fire, idly poking it with a stick. Occasionally pulling it out to trace charcoal patterns on the stones. It wasn’t that different than lying in bed awake, but it felt a hell of a lot better.
“Hey Jean,” a familiar voice called. “Can I talk to you for a minute?”
Jean looked up to see Armin rushing towards the campfire clutching a stack of papers in his arms. “Yeah sure,” Jean said. “What is it? A new report from Hange?”
He and Armin had gotten in the habit of talking through Hange’s reports together. Jean enjoyed getting to listen to Armin’s thoughts and theories about whatever it was the Scouts were doing now. It made him feel smart when they had meetings and he knew what was going on, even if it was just thanks to Armin’s insights. Jean wasn’t exactly sure what Armin got out of the arrangement, except for maybe sounding board for his ideas, but he kept coming back so he seemed to enjoy it as well.
“No,” Armin said, rocking back on his heels. “This is more of a personal favor. You don’t have to agree—”
“Yes,” Jean said immediately. Armin never asked for anything, so whatever this was it must be pretty important to him. Besides it wasn’t like Armin hadn’t more than earned any favors he’d ask for. He’d saved Jean’s life multiple times like it was nothing and gotten the Scouts out of some pretty bad scrapes. Even if Armin was too kind to ever see it that way, Jean was forever in his debt. If Armin wanted to choose tonight to start calling in some of those favors then Jean would be more than happy to do whatever he wanted.
Armin frowned. “You didn’t even hear what I was going to ask.”
Jean put his hands on the ground behind him and leaned back. “The answer is yes Armin. Now what is it you want me to do?”
“It’s kind of personal,” Armin said, hugging the papers to his chest. “You can’t laugh.”
Now Jean really wanted to know. What did Armin Arlet, a goody two shoes to his core, have to be embarrassed about? Jean patted the ground beside him. “I won’t laugh,” he said. “Scout’s honor.”
Armin nodded, as if trying to reassure himself, and joined Jean next to the fire. He took a deep breath and then sighed. “Sorry I don’t really know how to explain this.”
“Take your time,” Jean answered, his curiosity building. What in the world was Armin was having such a hard time saying? And why was he telling Jean of all people?
Sure the two of them had grown a lot closer since joining the Scouts. Jean could honestly say that he trusted Armin to get them home from a mission more than anyone, including Erwin Smith. But when it came to friendships outside the battlefield Armin was always closer with Eren and Mikasa and Jean was closer to Connie and Sasha.
Maybe it made sense though. Ever since they got to know each other, Armin felt like someone Jean could talk to. Not just about surface level shit or dumb jokes, but genuine deeper conversation. Jean felt confident he could tell Armin about why he was sitting out by the fire tonight and Armin would listen without judgment and respond without patronizing him or making light of it. Jean was honored Armin seemed to see him in the same way.
“You promise you won’t make fun of me?”
Jean ran a hand through his hair. “Shit Armin what did you do? Did you call the captain dad or something?”
Armin shook his head dead serious, missing the joke. “No nothing like that,” he said. “I’ve been working on a personal project.”
“Ok?” Jean was hardly one people came to when it came to personal stuff. Mikasa, Connie, hell even Eren would probably be better at this than he was. But he couldn’t deny that it filled him with pride that Armin had chosen to come to him.
“You know I’ve been spending most of my free time in the water, right?”
Of course Jean knew. It was rare to find Armin not at the sea. He was almost more distant than Eren these days because all he did was swim or stare at the waves.
“Well I’ve been chronicling ocean life,” Armin said.
“Huh?”
“Looking for different species, watching them interact, trying to figure out how they eat and how they survive. Here.” He handed Jean his stack of papers. “These are some of my notes.”
Jean glanced down at the papers thrust into his hands. On them, Armin had written page after page of meticulous notes on the sea and different animals they’d seen. “Armin—”
“Don’t laugh.”
“Laugh? What the hell, this is amazing. I can’t believe you’ve done all of this.”
Armin's cheeks flushed red, but it could just be a reflection of the fire. “They’re mostly just theories,” he said. “And observations I’ve made and organisms I’ve seen. It’s not special really.”
“Armin,” Jean said, putting a hand on his shoulder. He needed Armin to understand that this was something awesome, not embarrassing. “You could write a book with all these and it would be the leading authority we have on the ocean. Do you know how incredible this is?”
“That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about,” Armin said. “I want to turn it into sort of an ocean guide. For when more people get to make it out here to the sea so they can know what fish are good to eat and which ones are dangerous and stuff like that.” He shrugged, clearly trying to act casual to disguise how much this project meant to him. “And who knows, maybe there are some kids in the walls who would like a book about the outside world. I know I would've given anything for a book like this when I was growing up, so I was thinking if there are people back in the walls who would be half as curious then I owe to them to make this information more accessible.”
“That’s really awesome, Armin,” Jean said. He couldn’t believe how amazing Armin was. Jean spent most of his freetime playing cards with Connie and Sasha, and here Armin was writing the leading authority on ocean life. Of course it made sense. Armin was always incredible. There was just one thing Jean didn’t understand. “I just— where exactly do I fit into this?”
“Right,” Armin said, taking back his notes. “It’s just, they’re not very useful the way they are now. I can write about a creature with five legs that moves along the ocean floor, but everybody will picture something different, you know? And people will find it hard to believe if I can’t show them what I mean.”
“Ok,” Jean said, feeling like they were finally getting to the favor Armin was going to ask him. “So you need images of the animals you talk about?”
Armin nodded and bit his lip. “I’m a really terrible artist, Jean.”
He flipped to a page in his notes where it was clear Armin had tried to draw one of the fish that hung around the beach. Armin was insecure and often didn’t realize how skilled he was. Unfortunately, this was not one of those times. His lines were too harsh and too stiff, he had tried to draw every single scale which resulted in weird crowded layers, and he didn’t know how to do dimension or shading at all. Armin had a beautiful brilliant mind, but it was a scientist’s mind, not an artist's mind. Jean had to choke back a laugh.
Armin pouted. “You said you wouldn’t laugh.”
“You’re right I’m sorry.” Jean coughed. “I promise I’m not laughing at the dream or your notes, just at your fish.”
His pout deepened. “I told you I’m a bad artist.”
“You’re right, you’re a terrible artist,” Jean said. “But that’s ok, you’re good at lots of other things.” Jean leaned forward. “So what do you want me to do? Fix your fish?”
“I was actually hoping you could teach me.”
“Teach you?”
“To be a better artist, so I could illustrate my notes and show them to Hange to see what they thought.”
“No.”
“No?”
“Armin, we both know I’m kind of an asshole so I’m just going to come out and say it. I am not a good enough teacher to get you to be the kind of artist you want to be before the Scouts are stationed somewhere else and you can’t work on this anymore.”
“But we don’t know when the Scouts are going to be stationed somewhere else. It could be months.”
Jean shook his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he said. “Here’s what I can do. You take me out to the sea in the mornings before our work for the day starts and point out which fish you want drawings of and I’ll start sketching them.”
“Really?” Armin looked like he was about to cry.
“I’m not trying to steal your discoveries or take credit from your work,” Jean said quickly, realizing how he could’ve sounded. “I just think it’s a cool project and wanted to help in any way I can. I understand if you want to do the whole thing by yourself.”
“No, not at all,” Armin said. “I would love for you to do the sketches. It’s just so much and I didn’t think anyone else would care so much about my silly little pet project.”
“Dude, it’s not a silly little project, it's a huge book of scientific discoveries, and of course I care about it,” he said. “I care about you.”
The words slipped out before Jean had a chance to think about how they sounded, but once they were out there he didn’t try to take them back. He did care about Armin. So what? Couldn’t two boys be allowed to care about each other without it being weird?
“Oh.” Armin’s face and ears went red.
“Well I better get going.” Jean stood up and stretched. It was getting late and the fire was dying out. Plus, he needed to analyze the stirring feeling in his gut and the fact that Armin had apparently blushed at his words. “I need to get some sleep if we’re going to work on this in the morning. See you at dawn?”
“Oh um yes.” Armin nodded his head. “That would be perfect.”
“Great, see you then.” He gave Armin’s shoulder a gentle squeeze before he left. Jean wasn’t a morning person, but he knew he’d wake up at dawn every day if it would make Armin keep smiling at him like that. Another thing to think about once he got back to his tent.