Chapter Text
Chapter 1: Where Dwell the Brave at Heart
In which: Remus is sorted, James is overzealous, Sirius is inquisitive, and Peter is a hatstall. The Marauder's first day at Hogwarts through Remus' POV.
Remus
September 1st, 1971
Hogwarts, Great Hall
6:30pm
"Remus Lupin."
The Great Hall was silent, holding a collective bated breath. Thousands of candles flickered in the magical night sky above. Waiting.
He felt a sharp jab of an elbow to the ribs.
"Isn't that you, mate?" Asked a boy with jet black hair and round spectacles.
Remus was paralyzed with apprehension. He was eleven, awkward, and agoraphobic. This moment was his greatest dream combined with his darkest nightmare.
The stern, black haired witch, who had introduced herself moments ago as Professor McGonagall, met his gaze and smiled. She held a scroll of names in one hand and a floppy, tattered hat in the other. Another silent moment passed and she tilted her head encouragingly toward the stool beside her.
Remus received a grateful second elbow from the bespectacled boy that finally launched him forward. He nearly tripped on his baggy robes as he climbed the short steps that overlooked the rest of the Hall.
It felt like the entire world was watching as he sat down.
Don't look, he thought. He closed his eyes and clenched his jaw, feeling suddenly dizzy.
Darkness and the smell of aged leather fell. It covered his ears, drowning out any curious whispers from the sea of students.
"Ah, so you're the one..."
The hat spoke and Remus hoped—really, really hoped—no one could hear.
"I heard you were coming...yes, very interesting to see inside of your head..."
Remus tightened his grip on the stool. This hat had just finished singing quite loudly to the entire school and he was not keen on it shouting his deepest secret during the first hour here.
"Oh don't worry...your mind is safe with me."
"Glad to hear, please get on with it." Remus managed through gritted teeth.
"Ah, very stubborn I see...your mind is quite interesting indeed...I see strength and loneliness, and pain...such pain..."
Remus suppressed a grimace. He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly conscious of the many scars covering his body.
"There's much courage and bravery here as well...but your pain is great...pain shapes you...the question is, how will you use it?"
"I don't think pain helps anybody," whispered Remus, feeling lonelier and less courageous than ever.
"I see..."
A long pause.
Should I even be here? Remus wondered, clenching his eyes shut even further. Do I even deserve to be here? This is it. I'll be sent home. And...that's okay.
Remus let out a breath, calm washing over him as he prepared for the worst.
At least he'd tried. He could live with that. He just wasn't meant to fit in—
The sorting hat chortled. At least, Remus thought it did. If a hat could do such a thing.
"And we have our answer. Better be—GRYFFINDOR!"
An applause erupted at the red and gold table as the hat was lifted off his head. Remus looked up, flushing red, his eyes adjusting to the bright candlelight. Focusing quickly, he skittered to join the Gryffindors as fast as his too-long robes would allow.
An older student stood beaming, inviting him in at the end of the table, and clasped him on the back. Remus let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. The sea of student eyes was now focused on MacDonald, Mary.
His secret was still safe.
The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur. Dumbledore stood, smiling down upon them all from behind his half-moon spectacles. His robes were a royal shade of purple with little stars that shimmered in the candlelight.
"Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! I can imagine you're all quite famished from your journey. So without further ado, I must ask you a question of grave importance..."
Curious whispers erupted throughout the hall and a few first years appeared rather nervous.
"What has no beginning, end, or middle?" Dumbledore asked calmly.
The hall was silent for a moment, considering this odd request. Remus wondered if anyone else knew what in the world he meant.
"A ring!" Someone shouted.
"A candle!"
"A bagel!"
"A button!"
It's a riddle, Remus realized.
As students from various tables continued to spout off answers, he thought of a vinyl record, but kept it to himself.
"I am always flabbergasted by your creativity," Dumbledore smiled. "Correct answers abound, I find myself rather fond of bundt cakes. Tuck in!"
With a gleam of his eyes and snap of his fingers, the long House tables were now magically overflowing with every kind of food Remus could possibly imagine.
He was halfway through his third helping of roast beef and potatoes when the food vanished. A moment later, the most colorful array of desserts appeared. He felt like he'd been preparing his whole life for this moment—given his enormous sweet tooth.
"Why is the forest forbidden?" Asked a red headed girl that had been sorted before Remus, her emerald eyes wide with wonder.
James Potter, the bespectacled boy that elbowed Remus during the ceremony, adjusted his glasses with an air of all-knowing dignity.
"Maybe 'cuz it's called the forbidden forest, it's all in the name see," James said as his spoonful of red jello landed in his lap, successfully ruining the facade. "Bugger."
A round-faced boy who was sorted just before James (Pettigrew, Peter) and had teeth too big for his mouth, swallowed hard.
"It's forbidden because there are giant spiders and wyverns, a-and v-vampires and werewolves—"
Remus froze, a helping of pumpkin pie half-way to his mouth.
"It's forbidden because it's dangerous," the older boy that had clasped Remus on the back said, puffing his chest out in pompous authority. He had a badge with a shiny "P" pinned on the front of his robes. "And yes—a lot of dark creatures do live there."
"Oh." The red headed girl said thoughtfully. Her wide eyes becoming somehow wider, as if she'd never considered such a thing.
Remus stared at his half-eaten plate. He had suddenly lost his appetite.
"Full there, Remus?" The older boy asked.
Remus's head shot up. "Err—yeah..."
The older boy smiled. "Well enjoy it while you can! There's only a feast on special occasions and I can't get enough of this treacle tart...did anyone try the crumble?"
"Mmhm 'mmmazing," James sputtered and Peter nodded in unison through bites, forgetting all about the forest.
"Is that rhubarb?"
Remus breathed out and untensed just a little, grateful for the change in subject. He was just about to try the crumble when—
"Have you ever met a dark creature?" a new voice asked.
"Me?" James's full mouth hung open, to the red head headed girl's verbal disgust.
"Not you—him."
Remus looked up and he wished that he hadn't. A boy, with sharp cheekbones and hair that fell elegantly upon his shoulders, was analyzing him from across the table. White hot panic creeped up Remus's neck as he felt the boy's eyes linger on the long, faded scar trailing across his nose.
"Have you?" The boy asked again, piercing silver eyes narrowing with curiosity.
James was his savior, swallowing the last of his dessert, thrusting his fork into the air with pride and quite startling the red headed girl and Peter. "I'm not afraid of ANY dark creatures!"
"Well you should be," an older girl that also had a shiny 'P' on her robes stood behind them. "Have to keep an eye on this one, eh Wally?"
Wally, the older student with the badge, looked less than amused as he folded his napkin.
"Please, Mildred—it's Wallace..."
"And please Wally, it's Milly." Milly grinned, hands on her hips. "Milly and Wally—oh come on. Dunno what business Dumbledore had pairing us as Prefects if I can't have a little fun with it..."
Milly winked at the cluster of first years and the red headed girl squealed in shock as all the food suddenly disappeared from the long table.
"Awww," Peter frowned at his empty plate. "Does the food always vanish?"
"Right off your fork," Millie smiled. "Dumbledore usually gives us a bedtime story, but it looks like he's off for the evening."
Remus glanced towards the staff table and sure enough, the man with purple velvet robes and half-moon spectacles was no where to be seen.
"Now you lot—first years!" Milly called over the hustle and bustle of students now filing out of the Hall. "This way! Come on now—I'm bloody exhausted—"
"Language-!"
"Sorry, Professor—first years! That's right you there—out this way..."
The castle was huge. Bigger than Remus had ever imagined it would be. Staircases larger than his entire house, narrow winding corridors lined top to bottom with endless portraits and tapestries, ceilings that seemed to extend forever...
It's limitless, Remus decided.
And he was sure by the expressions of his fellow first years, he was not the only one to think so.
Remus wasn't sure if it had been hours or minutes when the group finally approached a giant portrait of a fat lady. There was so much to look at, maybe time itself moved differently here? It was like the opposite of the full moon, when seconds seemed to drag horribly on...
Don't think about that now, Remus reminded himself with a shudder.
"This lovely lady," Millie gestured theatrically towards the giant portrait, "is your new home!"
"Inside the painting?" The wide-eyed, red headed girl looked incredulous and uncertain. "How do we get in there?"
James and Sirius burst out laughing and the girl turned bright red.
"Now really Mildred," Wallace began," don't be so confusing, these are first years—"
"Oh hush," Milly stifled an eye roll. "This is the fat lady. You give her a password and the portrait hole opens to the Gryffindor common room. Any questions?"
"Um yeah...what's the password?" A girl with long blonde hair asked.
"Right! Pulchra leonina."
The fat lady nodded stoically and the frame of her portrait swung open to reveal an archway.
Remus was suddenly exhausted. And incredibly full from dinner. He saw Peter stifle a yawn as the first years clambered into a cozy, circular room lit by a large fireplace.
"These are your dormitories," Wallace said as he led the group in front of two spiral staircases. "Girls on the left, boys on the right."
"You all look knackered," Milly beamed at them. "Sleep tight, don't let the billywigs bite."
"Billywigs?" The red headed girl whispered uncertainly.
"Oh, billywigs don't bite—they sting." James said through a yawn, although this did not appear to reassure her.
Remus' legs felt like deadweights as he followed James and Peter up the spiral stairs.
"Reckon this is it?" James asked as he opened a door on the first floor with a giant brass "1".
Inside was an inviting circular room with four four-poster beds, all draped in red and gold. There was a warming stove in the center and something meowing—
A very petite black cat with large green eyes jumped from the windowsill.
Miette.
Remus smiled, scooping up his small companion. She purred and rubbed her face affectionately against his chin, as he felt for the first time that this castle could be home.
"She's so tiny," Peter observed gratefully. "I think she might be smaller than my rat..."
"Ahhhh." James flopped backwards onto a bed with a sigh. "I love it here."
Remus quickly spotted his trunk and rushed to change out of his robes in the privacy of the loo. When he returned, he noticed the inquisitive boy from dinner had arrived. He was stroking a beautiful brown owl that was ten times the size of Miette as James chatted animatedly.
Feeling very overwhelmed from the day and once again incredibly self-conscious, Remus scurried to hop in bed and began to close the curtains.
"Wait-!" James sat up on his bed. "Remus, wasn't it?"
Remus's heart jumped. "Err—yeah?"
James flopped back down. "Can you believe we're actually here?"
Remus exhaled. "N-no actually, it all feels like a dream."
"It does, doesn't it?" the boy with the high cheekbones actually smiled. "My mum is so going to murder me."
"Your mum is barmy!" James's mouth hung open, appalled at the very suggestion.
"Why would she do that?" Peter asked in mild confusion. He was eating a chocolate frog and inspecting the card. "Anybody need Circe?"
The dark haired boy just stared for a moment, then burst out laughing. Somewhat manically, in Remus's opinion.
"You must already have Circe, then..." Peter flushed pink.
"I'm a BLACK!" the other boy exclaimed as if it were an elephant in the room, waiting to be acknowledged. He wiped tears of laughter from his eyes. "There has never—ever—been a Black that wasn't in Slytherin."
"You're a trail blazer, mate." James beamed, in stark contrast—totally unphased by this revelation. "Everyone knows Slytherin's for pompous gits!"
"I heard Hufflepuff's nice," Peter suggested. "My mum was in Hufflepuff, it's right next to the kitchens too—"
"You were a Hatstall," Black accused, the intensity of his gaze causing Remus second-hand anxiety.
Peter progressed to a deep shade of crimson. "I-I wh-what?"
"A Hatstall."
"Yeah—you took forever up there, mate." James nodded in agreement. "Mine took like five seconds."
"What's a Hatstall?" Remus asked, feeling empathy for Peter's obvious discomfort.
"It's when the hat takes more than five minutes to sort you," James explained patiently. "Heard it only happens once every fifty years!"
"Yeah, mine didn't take nearly as long..." Black appeared deep in thought. "Is that where it wanted to put you? Hufflepuff?"
Peter's cheeks turned redder still. He opened his mouth to speak but only the beginning of a squeak came out.
Remus thought about his own conversation with the sorting hat. If anyone knew that, he'd be on the train home for sure...so he racked his brain for a change in subject. Once again, gratefully saved by James and his enthusiasm.
"Who cares anyway! You're here! And no other house even COMPARES to Gryffindor." James pretended to unsheathe his wand and held it up valiantly. "Where dwell the brave at heart!"
For the first time, Remus wondered if the sorting hat did actually make mistakes. He'd been so relieved just to be sorted, but he wasn't brave or courageous...he could barely hold a conversation without having anxiety.
"Y-yeah!" Peter nodded vigorously. "'Course—Gryffindor's the best!"
James grinned at Peter, then turned to Remus. "What say you, Remus?"
"Yeah, I mean Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw sound all right too..." Remus trailed off, feeling as if he would surely be sent home tomorrow. "Er so, nice to meet you Peter, James, and um—Black was it?"
Black locked eyes with him. "You don't know my name? " He looked incredulous, but in a dignified way. His mouth didn't hang open like James'. "Oh—I see, you must be muggle born."
"No, I'm half-blood," Remus shrugged, wondering how in the world that made a difference to knowing this erratic boy's name. "My dad was in Ravenclaw."
"Huh." Black said. "Well, that's...refreshing. I thought—" he shook his head, then looked down with a slight tinge of pink. "Nevermind. I s'pose not everyone reads the Magicksterial column in The Prophet...anyway, I'm Sirius. Sirius Black."
"Wait—the Sirius Black...?" Peter asked with eyes as wide as flying saucers. "Of the Black family?"
Sirius rolled his eyes, but Remus suspected it was to hide his discomfort. There was a lot of that going around, apparently he wasn't the only one avoiding questions.
"Well, at least someone reads the news." Sirius scoffed haughtily.
Peter turned crimson. "I only meant—"
"No one cares, err—what was your name?" Sirius asked, appearing quite uninterested. Like a terrible king pretending to validate a servant.
"Pp-peter P-pettigrew," Peter stammered.
"No one cares, Pettigrew." Sirius glared at the other boy in full vengeful royalty. "They only care what dear Bella wore on her wedding day—"
"Bellatrix Lestrange?"
Sirius eyed Peter like he was a piece of gum on the sole of his shoe. The corners of his lips curled.
"My lovely cousin."
Remus didn't know the Blacks, but now he was quite sure he didn't want to.
"I heard about the wedding," James shrugged. "It was all over the paper for weeks, my parents told me they shut down all of Diagon Alley."
Sirius shook his head, eyes glazed. "It was truly horrid."
Apparently reliving this family trauma was distracting from proper introductions.
"Well anyway, I'm Remus Lupin," he offered a small polite smile, then yawned to illustrate his next point. "Nice to meet you— goodnight."
He pulled the heavy curtains around his bed. As he turned over and closed his eyes, he heard the other boys whispering.
"Who shoved a wand up his arse?" Sirius grumbled.
"Could ask you the same thing, Mr. Magickstrate—" James teased.
"Bugger off!"
Remus heard pillows being thrown around and muffled laughter.
"Should I fetch your manacle and top hat, sir?"
"Ugh, sounds like my Uncle Alphard..."
"You're not serious?"
"I'm always Sirius."
"You git!"
Miette slipped in though the curtains and laid on his chest, purring. Remus smiled despite himself, at last allowing the relief of solitude and exhaustion of the day to catch up with him.
It was comforting to know he wasn't the only one with secrets.