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Tommy had always been a passionate person. When he liked something, he would work hard at it. His grades weren’t…bad but they were not as good as Techno. Tubbo and Ranboo were his best friends, even they had better grades. They were all good at something. Tommy wasn’t good at anything. He was loud, annoying, and insecure. People didn’t like that. Still…for some reason his family didn’t resent him, his friends didn’t ditch him, and no one said that they hated him. Then, he realized that they were probably just pitying him. Tommy was gonna do better, he would be worth their time.
He was a burning star. Studying vigorously every night, he joined the track team, and even started theater. Tommy gained popularity and his teachers started to like him more. Everything seemed to be coming together. Phil was proud of him. Techno was happy to have him as a brother. It was perfect. The year went by fast and he started to make more friends. Tubbo and Ranboo were also becoming more popular. He couldn’t let them down. Tommy was finally in high school. Now, he had to keep pushing. At some point, he could barely sleep. The stress of tests, grades, track meets, theater performances, and everything else was weighing down on him. Eating made him feel nauseous and he didn’t hang out with friends anymore. Tommy didn’t know who he was. He was a grade, a score, a part, but most definitely not a human. His personality had changed. It was perfectly built around what people would want him to be. Sadly, it wasn’t real. He was a shell of the person he used to be. Tommy had to be Phil’s popular, perfect son. Techno was his smart, shy son. Finally, he fit right in.
That didn’t last long. As stars do, they burn out. They turn into a massive supernova. One last time, they burn brighter then ever before. Then, they collapse on themselves and become black holes. Sucking everything and everyone into their darkness. Tommy felt like a black hole had just swallowed him. ‘He studied? Why did he fail the test? How-how could that be possible? He worked so hard. It’s fine! Perfectly fine. That was just one slip up. No one would be upset.’ Tommy could hide it! He could do better next time. The track coach said he hadn’t made the team this year. Theater? He hadn’t even gotten cast at all. Tommy was falling. He was failing! Everything he had worked so hard on was crumbling. So, he gave up. Tommy stopped trying. Phil asked him how school was and he just brushed it off. Techno tried to hang out with him but he couldn’t manage to drag himself out of bed. Tubbo and Ranboo texted or called him but he never picked up. Tommy shut the world out. He couldn’t risk pulling everyone else into the black hole with him. No light could get in or out. Sinking into the darkness, he destroyed himself. He shoved awards into his closet and slept all weekend. At school, he didn’t even bother to pay attention. He didn’t eat much anymore. Tommy didn’t even realize what he was doing.
Everything crashed down one night. Phil was downstairs on the computer. Tommy sat in his bed listening to music again. He shut his eyes until there was a knock on his door. Stopping the music and getting up, he opened the door. “Techno, I don’t wanna hang ou-“ Phil looked upset and disappointed. ‘Shit.’ Tommy swallowed hard and stepped back. “Wanna explain why your grades online said you are failing almost every class?!” He snapped at Tommy. ‘Finally, he stopped pitying me.’ Staring at him tiredly, Tommy inhaled. “I don’t know.” Phil froze. “You don’t- you don’t know?! Tommy, stop lying! I’m sick of it! Just please…tell me what’s going on.” His jaw dropped. Phil sounded concerned. Techno came out of his room. “What’s goin’ on?” “Nothing.” Before Phil could say anything, Tommy answered. “No. Not nothing! You are failing almost every class! What happened?” Phil yelled back with worry. Techno frowned and turned around going back to his room. He didn’t like arguments. “I failed. I know. I’m sorry.” Phil’s face fell. “What? Don’t- no. You don’t need to apologize. Just…why?” Tommy didn’t want to talk about it. He would rather just let the black hole completely eat him. “I’m a failure. I’m a bad kid and a bad person. I tried to be good enough! I tried to be less stupid and annoying! I swear! For a while it worked….then I failed at everything. I know I’ll never be perfect. I’m sorry. You…you can hate me.” Phil made a hurt sound. “Tommy…you are not a failure or a bad person. You were never stupid or annoying. No one ever expected you to perfect. I think you might be burning out now….oh god I should’ve noticed.” He tilted his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to! I thought I could do it! I know I’m not smart or cool like Techno or Tubbo or Ranboo or you! I’m sorry- I’m sorry-“ Tommy choked on words sputtering apologies. He scratched at his arms. Phil took his hands and pulled him into a hug. “No. This is my fault. I should’ve never made you feel like you had to change to be worth love.”
Tommy sobbed and mumbled. “I’m sorry! I pushed everyone away! I got scared and-and I thought that if I fell apart I’d bring you with me!” Phil ran his hands through Tommy’s hair. “No no…sunshine, you’d never do that. You are burnt out. It’s okay. We can figure this out.” Tommy hummed and quietly admitted everything. The feeling of not being good at anything. All the pressure to be perfect. Being tired and not eating. The black hole slowly sucking him into hopeless misery. By the end, Phil had tears in his eyes too. “…oh Tommy, no you are okay. We’ll work this out.” Tommy nodded.
The year passed and Tommy went to therapy. He learned to fix his grades and friendships. But his therapist, Puffy, also helped him learn to love himself. Apparently, she said he had bad self worth. Phil and Techno helped him go out more. Ranboo and Tubbo were supportive making sure to remind him that they cared. Eventually, he got diagnosed with depression and ADHD. Tommy got the support he needed and eventually things started to work out. Sure, his grades were definitely not perfect. But that didn’t matter. He worked hard and felt good about himself. Tommy wasn’t a black hole or a burning star or a supernova. That was fine. He was okay. He was himself again. Tommy figured out who Tommy was. Finally, he was good at something. Being himself.