Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Welcome to my QSMP collegiate gymnastics AU!

Not much explanation needed, the story summary gave you pretty much everything you need to know. The only purpose that this page here really serves is to add additional explanations for some things that you might find in this fic that aren't explained anywhere else.

So here is a thing or two that you will find in this fic that might be a little hard to explain in the story.

1. There are three OCs in this. The reason they are there is because while creating the lore and setup for this AU, due to the places I put all of the people in, there ended up an unbalanced number of people. So I added three OCs to make up for the numbers. Hopefully you guys will like them.

2. All the OCs are female. Since there are less women in QSMP in general, and even less so when they're separated into their purgatory teams, I made them all female and then put them into their respective teams to be able to balance out the scales and have it so that they could even be considered teams in the first place. Because, let's be honest, having only two women in an artistic gymnastics team wouldn't even be possible. It wouldn't even be considered a team anymore.

3. There is no need to worry about how they will affect the main couples in the tags. And even if I did throw them into romances, it would most likely be with each other to avoid any potential aggressive shippers.

4. The OCs and their team are as follows
Tulie - BOLAS
Snow - BOLAS
Cass - GGN
This gives all the teams the same amount of people without having too much of a drastic change to the point that I would have to actually put effort into properly explaining.

5. I am a native English speaker. Out of all the languages spoken on the QSMP, the only one I'm even remotely fluent in is French, and even then my peak fluency was when I was a freshman in high school. That was 5 years ago and I've lost most of it since I stopped speaking it. To make it easier on myself (and because I'm lazy), when group chats appear that have people who speak the same language (there are quite a few of them in my notes), just assume they are speaking their own native language.

I will edit this page and add things if something else appears in the story that I think would require explanations before proceeding.

Chapter Text

BOLAS?!!??!?!?!

Phil - Dad, Baghera - Quack quack, Foolish - Loud and chaotic (affectionate), Charlie - Loud and chaotic (derogatory), Cellbit - Jason Todd, Jaiden - Bluejai, Carre - One shot wonder, Tulie - Trigger happy, Snow - Calm down

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): PEOPLE WAKE THE FUCK UP

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): WE'RE LEAVING FOR THE GYM IN 30 MINUTES

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): WAKE UPPPPPPPPPPPP

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): shut the fuck up

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): what crawled up your ass

Dad: he decided to live up to his name and pull an all nighter to watch the men's qualifying

Trigger happy: you know, instead of just waking up an hour early

Bluejai: and now he's living to regret it

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): i regret nothing

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): also why am i in the loud and chaotic duo?

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): i do not deserve this slander, i am a calm and respectful person

Bluejai: bullshit

Calm down: only in your dreams foolish

Trigger happy: besides with how you act and how much you scream, you absolutely deserve to be in the duo

Trigger happy: i swear one day you'll burst everyone's eardrums

Jason Todd: and speak for yourself. look at the name i have

Jason Todd: how much do i have in common with jason todd that you all saw fit to give me this name

Jason Todd: actually let me answer that for you

Jason Todd: NOT ENOUGH

Quack quack: well that's because you're more like fanon him than canon him

Jason Todd: oh yeah how?

Calm down: you have a white streak in your hair

Bluejai: one of your first instincts when someone insults you is to just insult them right back

Quack quack: you're the tallest of dad's children

Dad: you like to read

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): you like solving your mysteries

Trigger happy: that's tim drake

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): oh yeah nvm

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): you have a weird obsession and an unexplainable knack for like magic and shit

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): you drink coffee like religiously

Trigger happy: again that's tim drake

Dad: you have self esteem problems that you cover up with dark humor

Jason Todd: ouch

Calm down: you have ptsd from something that quite frankly wasn't your fault but you can't help but blame yourself for it anyway

Jason Todd: double ouch

Bluejai: you have an irrational fear of clowns

Jason Todd: IT'S A PERFECTLY RATIONAL FEAR THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Trigger happy: you're good at comforting your friends and making sure they take care of themselves while being incapable of following your own advice unless a literal intervention is held

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): should we continue?

Jason Todd: no

Jason Todd: i have heard enough

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): you like jane austen

Jason Todd: WHAT'S WRONG WITH LIKING AUSTEN

Dad: there's nothing wrong with liking jane austen

Jason Todd: CHARLIE SEEMS TO DISAGREE OTHERWISE HE WOULDN'T HAVE BROUGHT IT UP

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): hey i never said i have a problem with you liking austen

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): all i implied with that text was that he likes austen while you actually do

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): besides would you rather we change your name back to catbit?

Jason Todd: NO

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): because we can always do that

Jason Todd: I AM NOT A CAT

Jason Todd: STOP SPREADING THAT AROUND

Dad: calm down cellbit no one is calling you a cat

Dad: and charlie knock it off

Quack quack: also why are we going to the gym?

Quack quack: practice was cancelled for everyone this morning so that we could watch the games

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i know but the gym is still open and i want to go

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): then why the fuck are you bothering us about it????

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): why can't you just go alone

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): if i told you it was because i wanted company would you believe me

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): no

Jason Todd: is it because of someone specific?

Jason Todd: like are you trying to impress someone or something?

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): no

Bluejai: is it just me or do you guys smell something

Quack quack: i'm definitely smelling something

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): same

Trigger happy: yeah same here

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): what smell

Jason Todd: it's the smell of your bullshit

Jason Todd: duh

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): ok fuck all of you

Dad: you're the one who started this

Dad: don't be upset just because it's not going your way anymore

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): I JUST WANT COMPANY AT THE GYM OK

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): IT'S SO FUCKING LONELY AND AWKWARD BEING THERE BY MYSELF

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): PLUS EVERYONE HERE KNOWS THAT SOULFIRE ISN'T EVEN ANYWHERE CLOSE TO HERE

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): WHY THE FUCK WOULD MARIANA BE AT THE GYM

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS A CRUSH ON ME JUST BECAUSE HE BLUSHED WHEN I FLIRTED WITH HIM ONCE

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): ON ACCIDENT

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): I BET HE FUCKING BLUSHES WHENEVER ANYONE FLIRTS WITH HIM

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): NOT JUST ME

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): NOPE HE ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE HE ONLY MET ONCE

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): who the fuck is mariana????

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): UM

Quack quack: ALKSDFHAJKFHAKJFHKJ

Quack quack: LMAOOOOOOOOO

Trigger happy: FUCKING MARIANA????

Trigger happy: damn i feel bad

Trigger happy: not for you tho

Trigger happy: for him

Quack quack: also you've flirted with him far more than once

Quack quack: saying you've only done it once is lying and everyone knows you're not good at it

Jason Todd: i didn't even mention anyone specific

Jason Todd: who is mariana and how did he enter the conversation?

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): FORGET I EVEN MENTIONED HIM

Bluejai: kind of hard not to given the whole slew of texts you just sent in a row

Jason Todd: also how do you even know anyone outside of the team?

Jason Todd: aren't you like a recluse?

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i'm not a recluse asshole

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): just because i prefer to keep my familiar company doesn't mean i'm a recluse

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): ok but who the fuck is mariana??????

Quack quack: mariana flores is a gymnast from soulfire college

Quack quack: he only just started last season so it's understandable that a lot of you guys haven't met him yet

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): ok but how does charlie know this guy but we don't

Quack quack: we're getting there

Quack quack: be patient ffs

Trigger happy: you guys know how charlie spends more time in the gym spaces after the meets are over than everyone else here?

Dad: yes

Trigger happy: well apparently soulfire has this tradition thing where they have the newbies carry everyone's bags and shit

Trigger happy: and since mariana was the only newbie he had to stay behind to get everyone's stuff. only he took so long that charlie thought he was challenging him to see who could leave first

Trigger happy: and because baghera and i are the ones who wait for him since the rest of you are too impatient, we keep ending up needing to separate them before they start a full on brawl

Trigger happy: it's been going on like this ever since charlie first challenged him back in january

Quack quack: so now he and charlie have had this weird personal rivalry going on since then

Quack quack: they've been balancing on this really fine line between flirting and wanting to gut each other like fishes

Quack quack: biggest egos i've ever seen if you ask me

Bluejai: an ego that matches charlie slimecicle?

Bluejai: impossible

Dad: i must meet this mariana

Dad: anyone who can match the size of charlie's ego is worth knowing

Jason Todd: i don't think meeting someone who can match an ego the size of an entire universe is a good idea

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): yeah i mean you barely tolerate charlie do you really think it's worth putting in effort for someone exactly like him?

Dad: if i can get a fresh experience with someone new then maybe it can help me learn how to better control the one we already have to deal with

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): everyone here is a horrible person and i hope you all get permanent career ending injuries

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): also answer my question will someone come with me

Dad: no

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): no

Trigger happy: no

Bluejai: no

Calm down: no

Quack quack: no

Jason Todd: no

Chapter Text

BOLAS?!!??!?!?!

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): does anyone have a grip in my size that i can use for the day?

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): i think i misplaced mine

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): i would prefer a left hand one but any one would work

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): hellooooooooo

Trigger happy: why can't you just grab a spare from the chest at the bars

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): oh i don't know because they're shitty?

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): they're probably over like 10 fucking years old i'm not gonna stick my beautiful fingers into deteriorating finger holes probably full of old dried dead skin that's disgusting

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): not to mention the actual grip itself is like really fucking thin

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): and the only ones in there that fit me are buckles

Bluejai: what the fuck is wrong with buckle grips

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): they don't fucking fit around my wrists that's what their problem is

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): they're either too loose or too tight and i don't fucking like them

Bluejai: fuck you i like my buckle grips

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): fuck you they suck

Dad: both of you knock it off

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): no no let them continue

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): watching them fight is fun

Bluejai: fuck you charlie

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): fuck you charlie

Quack quack: charlie i swear one of these days you're going to get yourself killed with your comments

Trigger happy: i say if he keeps this up there's a good chance we'll find his dead body in the alley behind the gym by tomorrow

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i hate you both

Quack quack: you love us there's no denying it

Trigger happy: yeah we're your favorite people in the world

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): the only reason that's true is because everyone else is worse

Dad: i'm sad that you think so little of our father son relationship charlie

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): look can i use someone's grip or not

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): if i want to put that triple skill connection dismount into my high bar then i need to start working on it now

Dad: why

Dad: why do you do this to yourself

Dad: fucking nothing will be deducted if you just split them up

Dad: there is no need to make this harder on yourself

Jason Todd: eh

Jason Todd: if he wants to injure himself i say we let him

Jason Todd: teach it to him the hard way

Jason Todd: pain is the greatest teacher and motivator after all

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): you just take pleasure in watching other people in pain

Jason Todd: :)

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i'm just about to go out to the store do you want me to drop you off at the gym

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i can buy you a new pair from the store next to the mexican restaurant too

Dad: what are you going to the store for charlie

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): none of your fucking business

Quack quack: probably going to buy another gas mask

Trigger happy: oh it’s absolutely another gas mask isn’t it charlie

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i will neither confirm nor deny those statements

Dad: you're buying another fucking gas mask

Dad: istg no one will want to come to our college or be on the team if you keep promoting it as a cult

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Quack quack: BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Calm down: BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Jason Todd: BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Trigger happy: BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Bluejai: BOLASBOLASBOLASBOLASBOLAS

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): BOLASSSSSSSSSSSSS

Dad: when the gymnastics team gets disbanded because you all scared away any future members thanks to the cult rumors just know that i will not claim affiliation to any of you whatsoever

Trigger happy: hey hey the cult rumors were started by charlie and everyone who's ever competed against us knows that he's the only outlier and that anything he does is not to be affiliated with the rest of us

Jason Todd: yeah so it'll only affect him and not us

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): thanks a lot assholes

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): not if i have anything to say about it

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): just get me a stuffed bunny and a gas mask and i will create a fucking cult rumor with our team faster than you can land a basic flyaway dismount

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): dw i gotchu

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i can get you that shit so fucking fast

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): thank you thank you

Dad: sigh

Dad: i can't fucking wait to graduate next year

Dad: fucking get out of hell while my sanity is still intact

Jason Todd: we love you too dad

Calm down: yes yes we love you we love you so much

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): ur the best phil just the absolute best

Dad: you guys are just saying that because you all know you're useless without me

Dad: coach might've made cellbit the second leader but he's just as useless as the rest of you

Jason Todd: i'm offended that you would think that

Jason Todd: i would be a great leader

Jason Todd: i'm a completely responsible and attentive person

Trigger happy: tell that to your adhd

Dad: and you joined the cult chant when i asked you to help me get them to knock it off because we were in the middle of a competition

Dad: so i don't think responsible is something you can use to describe yourself either

Jason Todd: both of you are mean and we're no longer best friends

Calm down: does that mean one of us are your new best friends

Jason Todd: fuck no all of you are awful people

Jason Todd: i have no best friends anymore. i will be sad gay and best friendless for the rest of my life

Quack quack: oh get over yourself already you pitiful fuck

Quack quack: i already have to deal with my cousin's overdramatic self whenever he visits i don't want to have to put up with yours too

Jason Todd: everyone here is mean and i want to switch colleges

Jason Todd: maybe ggn college will take me

Quack quack: i will make sure they don't

Baghera - Mean and scary, Etoiles - Rude and disrespectful

Mean and scary: if you get a transfer application from someone named cellbit enygma then tell the enrollment board not to accept it

Rude and disrespectful: that's not something i can control baghera

Mean and scary: then do your best to convince them not to accept it

Rude and disrespectful: again not something i can control

Rude and disrespectful: besides why can't we take him

Rude and disrespectful: i would love to take one of your college's best athletes

Mean and scary: you are not taking cellbit. he's stuck with us forever and we don't plan on letting him leave

Mean and scary: you guys have roier and that is enough skill to last you until you graduate

Mean and scary: besides ggn was only his third choice it's not like cellbit is going to actually think it's worthwhile to go there

Rude and disrespectful: i can't believe you baghera

Rude and disrespectful: this is slander against my college name

Rude and disrespectful: i will let my team know about this and they won't be happy

Mean and scary: i don't give a shit about what your team thinks

Mena and scary: if cellbit applies as a transfer and he gets accepted, you're the first person i'm going to beat up

Rude and disrespectful: not if i kms

Mean and scary: i'll fucking get you first and you know it

BOLAS?!!??!?!?!

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): we're all good i found my grip

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): it was stuffed inside my warmups

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): but i already bought you a new pair

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): waste of money dude

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): fuck you

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): hey i didn't fucking ask you or anyone to go buy me a completely new pair. all i asked was to borrow someone else's

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): you misinterpreting it and buying a new pair is completely your fault

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): ok fair but still

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): fuck you

Calm down: just put them in the grip chest

Dad: agreed. it'll get him to stop hounding me for mine

Dad: i won't have to deal with the embarrassment of constantly being called dad in the hallways

Jason Todd: everyone we have to call him dad whenever we see him now

Calm down: yes sir

Quack quack: agreed

Loud and Chaotic (derogatory): understood

Bluejai: aye aye second captain

Trigger happy: roger roger

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): loud and clear sir

Dad: i cannot fucking wait to graduate

Chapter Text

We Didn't Start the (Soul)fire

Tubbo - Violently homophobic, Bad - Little sh*t, Niki - Cottagecore goth, Pierre - Rock, Tina - Tea addict, Missa - Kissy Missy, Pac - Pillow princess, Rivers - Water stream, Mariana - God

Tea addict: WHO THE FUCK TOOK MY TEA BAGS

Tea addict: I KNOW IT WAS ONE OF YOU SHITS

Tea addict: WHERE ARE THEY AND WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL TO GET THEM BACK

Pillow princess: pretty sure murder is illegal

Violently homophobic: and it'll defo get you kicked off the team

Little sh*t: And out of the college

Rock: no one stole your tea bags tina

Rock: everyone here except for you is a coffee addict, we would have no use for your tea bags

Tea addict: I KNOW IT WAS ONE OF YOU FUCKS

Tea addict: NO ONE ELSE HAS ACCESS TO THE GYMNAST LOCKER ROOMS

Tea addict: ESPECIALLY NOT THE WOMENS ONES SO IT WAS LIKELY ONE OF THEM

Water stream: woah woah woah watch where you point your accusations

Cottagecore goth: we didn't take anything! we didn't even know you put extra tea there!

Tea addict: ITS TO MAKE SURE I CAN STAY AWAKE BEFORE EARLY MORING PRACTICES I THOUGHT EVERYONE KNEW THAT ALREADY

Rock: WELL WE FUCKING DIDNT OKAY

Tea addict: THEN YOURE ALL OBLIVIOUS DUMBASSES

Little sh*t: Language, all of you.

Pilllow princess: you're one to talk with that name

Little sh*t: I didn't even give myself this one

Little sh*t: Why is this even my name in the first place???

Violently homophobic: because you're exactly what your name says you are: a little shit

Little sh*t: Language

God: at least we censored it

God: but yeah you're absolutely a little shit

Water stream: speak for yourself mariana

Water stream: you're new why do you get the god title

God: because i'm better than everyone else here

God: except maybe for pac and missa

Rock: oh no you're definitely better than missa

Kissy Missy: HEY

Kissy Missy: NOT NICE

Kissy Missy: just because it's true doesn't mean you have to say it out loud

Kissy Missy: besides who on this team isn't better than me? i'm like the bare fucking minimum

Pillow princess: mhm the hell you are

Kissy Missy: i always get the lowest scores

Little sh*t: But, you always have the highest rings and high bar score

Kissy Missy: yeah but i suck at pommel

Rock: dude everyone sucks at pommel

Rock: you're not special when it comes to that

Pillow princess: i'm good at pommel! >:(

God: shut up we're trying to make missa feel better

Kissy Missy: ok but the rest of my scores are average

Kissy Missy: trust me i'm not that good

Tea addict: everyone is their own worst critic

Tea addict: for what it's worth i personally think you look good on pommel

Water stream: definitely better than us girls

Kissy Missy: thanks but that's not really saying a lot since you guys don't even know how men's gymnastics even works much less an event that women's doesn't even perform

Cottagecore goth: wow that was rude

Kissy Missy: sorry but it's true

Tea addict: i take it back you're terrible at pommel

Rock: again, all of us guys are terrible at pommel

God: speak for yourself, pac and i have the highest scores on pommel in the entire division

Violently homophobic: jfc missa what happened to working on that self esteem

Violently homophobic: you promised you would work on it this summer so that it wouldn't affect you so much this next sports season

Kissy Missy: i'm trying ok

Kissy Missy: it's hard

Kissy Missy: lots of emotional effort that i quite frankly don't think i have

Pillow princess: i feel you man

Pillow princess: it used to take me fucking forever to get out of my depressive states

Pillow princess: i still struggle with them sometimes but they've gotten better. if you ever want help i have some tips that really worked for me

Kissy Missy: thanks for the offer. i'll take it into consideration

Pillow princess: no problem :)

Rock: wow this got real sad real quick

Rock: alexa play despacito

Tea addict: SHUT THE FUCK UP PIERRE YOURE RUINING THE MOMENT

Violently homophobic: and don't play despacito. just start beatboxing instead

Tea addict: YOU FUCK OFF TOO TUBBO

Tea addict: I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE TEAM CAPTAIN I WILL NOT FUCKING HESITATE TO BEAT YOUR ASS

Little sh*t: Language

Tea addict: DO NOT FUCKING TEST ME BITCHBOYHALO

Tea addict: I AM NOT IN THE MOOD

God: that much is fucking obvious

Kissy Missy: you're really mad about those tea bags huh

Tea addict: FUCK ALL OF YOU I FUCKING HATE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU

Little sh*t: Language!

Pillow princess: why do you even bother with saying that bad?

Pillow princess: it keeps not working i don't know why you keep trying

Little sh*t: It'll work eventually.

Violently homophobic: fat fucking chance

Violently homophobic: the only time you won't see one of us swearing is if we're onscreen at a meet

Violently homophobic: i have pulled strings to make sure of that

Kissy Missy: that sounded vaguely ominous

Rock: what the fuck is that supposed to mean tubbo

Violently homophobic: :)
Sent at 12:48PM

Water stream: tina, i got you more tea bags you can stop trying to chase everyone down
Sent at 1:23 PM

Little sh*t: I just looked at the average high scores for men's collegiate gymnastics in the division and Mariana isn't even in the top three. He's number four. Pac is in second.

Pillow princess: who's in first and third?

Little sh*t: Charlie Slimecicle from BOLAS is third.

Pillow princess: ok but who's first

Little sh*t: Well...

Little sh*t sent an image
(It's a screenshot of the men's collegiate gymnastics individual event scores. Showing the top 5 on pommel, the ranking is 1. Fit, 2. Pac, 3. Charlie, 4. Mariana, 5. Antoine)

Rock: oh shit

Rock: look pac your boy crush is better than you

Kissy Missy: boy crush???

Kissy Missy: since when did pac have a boy crush???

Pillow princess: PIERRE SHUT THE FUCK UP

Violently homophobic: and since when was it fit????

Rock: ever since he stared at him with fuck me eyes while watching him on rings at nationals two years ago

Rock: well at his arms

Rock: i've never seen someone look like they wanted to get laid so bad in their life

Tea addict: well i must say with the size of that guy's arm muscles that's certainly pretty surprising to see him first on pommel

Tea addict: they look like they don't even let him connect his hands behind his back they're so big

Tea addict: wonder how it would feel to be headlocked by them

Tea addict: and that's me talking as a lesbian

Pillow princess: TINA WTF

Water stream: ngl pac seems like the type to like that kinda stuff

Pillow princess: NOT YOU TOO RIVERS

Pillow princess: PIERRE THIS IS YOUR FAULT IM GONNA KILL YOU

Pillow princess: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU

Rock: like i'm gonna tell you

Cottagecore goth: just tell him and spare the rest of us the trouble

Cottagecore goth: besides it's not like he could actually take you

Cottagecore goth: why do you think he has the princess title?

Pillow princess: AND NOW YOU NIKI???

Pillow princess: HOW TF DID EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT IT I DIDNT EVEN FUCKING SAY ANYTHING

God: everyone on the team except apparently for tubbo and missa have known about your crush on fit

God: even the girls fucking knew about it

God: hell i fucking know about it and i just joined last year

Pillow princess: @Cottagecore goth @Tea addict @Water stream is that true?

Cottagecore goth: it is unfortunately true

Tea addict: bad lives up to his title of little shit as a notorious gossiper

Little sh*t: That I am. :P

Pillow princess: MOTHERFUCKER
Sent at 2:31 PM

Chapter Text

Dreamstar High Gymnastics Class of 23

Phil - Crowfather, Tubbo - Bee boy, Niki - Be my wife, Quackity - Gambling addict, Snow - Extremely opinionated, Bad - Diet Aziraphale, Foolish - Loan shark, Tulie - Sweet poison, Charlie - Warning: sticky substance, do not touch

Bee boy: WHO HERE GOES TO GGN AND KNOWS FIT EMCEE

Bee boy: TULIE YOURE EXCLUDED FROM ANSWERING THIS BECAUSE OF THE MORNING CREW CHAT

Sweet poison: fuck you tubbo

Crowfather: holy shit when was the last time we talked in this thing????

Loan shark: the last chat was sent by charlie asking if anyone wanted to try eating the new orange slime he made

Loan shark: he was just left on read and we haven't used it since

Crowfather: that tracks

Warning: sticky substance, do not touch: i will have you know that it tasted delicious

Extremely opinionated: you still do it and it's still as disgusting as it's always been

Diet Aziraphale: Nice to see nothing's changed.

Be my wife: oh my god these names are so old

Loan shark: and several of them are outdated

Warning: sticky substance, do not touch: pretty sure only snow's is outdated

Gambling addict: so is mine!! i gave up my poker addiction before joining ggn!

Extremely opinionated: yeah and that's why i see you with betting money every time you and the rest of ggn are at bolas for a competition

Sweet poison: bullshit you gave up your gambling addiction you just learned to make it less noticeable

Bee boy: EVERYONE WE ARE OVERLOOKING MY QUESTION

Bee boy: WHO HERE GOES TO GGN COLLEGE AND KNOWS FIT EMCEE

Bee boy: AGAIN TULIE YOU ARE EXCLUDED FROM THIS CONVERSATION SINCE I KNOW YOU STILL DO

Sweet poison: and again FUCK YOU TUBBO

Diet Aziraphale: Language

Gambling addict: i think i'm the only one who decided on ggn

Crowfather: you are but tulie snow and i knew him from before

Sweet poison: yea we went to middle school together

Extremely opinionated: fucking earth life academy

Extremely opinionated: my brain still hurts from when they forced me to try and learn russian

Sweet poison: speak for yourself. i still have nightmares from getting yelled at by the portuguese teacher because i spoke the wrong kind

Sweet poison: like i'm sorry i was born in brazil instead of portugal and speak brazilian portuguese instead of portugal portuguese

Sweet poison: fuck i wanted to deck her in the face so many times

Extremely opinionated: bet you were pretty fucking happy when mike did it for you

Sweet poison: fuck yeah i was happy

Sweet poison: unfortunate i was kicked out after since i actually kinda liked it there, the portuguese teacher aside but oh well

Crowfather: kicked out??? you told me and fit that you transferred

Sweet poison: transferred kicked out what's the difference? i left either way

Crowfather: pretty big difference between them

Bee boy: @Sweet poison wait you were friends with fit in middle school??

Sweet poison: i thought you didn't want me answering the question tubbo

Bee boy: fuck you

Bee boy: this is the only time i'll let you

Extremely opinionated: no it won't

Sweet poison: she's right it won't

Sweet poison: but yeah him me and phil were like those golden trios you see in movies and shit

Sweet poison: did fucking everything together

Loan shark: damn

Bee boy: okokok we're getting off topic

Bee boy: i didn't restart this group chat just to reminisce on terrible middle school memories

Bee boy: to the people that still keep in contact with fit

Bee boy: WHO NOTICED THAT PAC APPARENTLY HAD A MASSIVE CRUSH ON HIM????

Gambling addict: pac as in pac tazer from soulfire??

Sweet poison: aka pac tazer my brother? that guy?

Be my wife: yes, him

Extremely opinionated: i think the better question is who didn't notice

Bee boy: HUH

Gambling addict: are you kidding me? the man is fucking smitten with him

Bee boy: SINCE FUCKING WHEN

Sweet poison: hard to tell

Sweet poison: could've been when pac had to pick me up after getting officially kicked out and he heard fit talk for like a solid 5 seconds. i swear he fell in love right then and there with just his voice alone

Bee boy: tulie you don't get to answer this question because of our group chat

Sweet poison: hey you wanted the opinions of people who know fit personally it's not my fault we just so happen to coincidentally be in a group chat together

Bee boy: but i said you weren't allowed to answer anymore

Sweet poison: except this is relevant to a childhood friend and my literal fucking brother so of course i get to answer

Bee boy: ugh fine

Loan shark: why are you even asking us this

Be my wife: well, it started when mariana and pac were bragging about being the best on pommel in the entire division

Diet Aziraphale: Mariana was bragging, Pac was just saying he was good at it.

Be my wife: yes, that's technically true

Be my wife: but anyway, bad then decided to look up what the actual rankings were and when fit's name popped up as first, pierre mentioned him being pac's boy crush and he just freaked out

Sweet poison: that sounds about right for pac

Sweet poison: always worried about his crushes actually knowing about his feelings so he just denies them and always fails to convince other people it's not true

Crowfather: @Sweet poison if you still keep in contact with fit do you know what he thinks about pac?

Sweet poison: like i'm gonna fucking tell you

Bee boy: wait a damn minute

Bee boy: @Sweet poison if you were the one that created the group chat with the four of us how long have you known about pac's crush on fit

Loan shark: what group chat

Sweet poison: none of your business

Sweet poison: i don't ask about your separate group chats apart from bolas you don't ask about mine

Loan shark: fair

Sweet poison: also tubbo this is a question that you ask me when not in a group chat full of people who love gossip

Sweet poison: and especially not in a group chat with people that know fit personally

Gambling addict: like i'm gonna fucking tell fit when i quite frankly don't give a shit about his love life

Sweet poison: listen just because wilbur rejected you and then moved away doesn't mean you have to be an ass about everyone else's

Gambling addict: what can i say

Gambling addict: some people just don't take rejection well

Gambling addict: espeically when some assholes start SPREADING RUMORS THAT HE WAS NEVER EVEN REAL AND THAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HATSUNE MIKU

Sweet poison: hey hey i had nothing to do with the hatsune miku bit that was all jaiden

Gambling addict: now people only see me as that one insane person who's in love with hatsune miku when i don't even fucking listen to her

Sweet poison: not my fucking fault

Gambling addict: YES IT FUCKING IS

Gambling addict: YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STARTED THE FUCKING RUMOR IN THE FIRST PLACE FUCKING TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS YOU BITCH

Sweet poison: i will have you know that i still have a video of THAT happening that i will gladly spread across the internet

Gambling addict: you wouldn't

Sweet poison: fucking watch me

Gambling addict: don't you fucking dare

Sweet poison: don't fucking test me :)

Gambling addict: don't fucking bring up wilbur and i won't have to

Be my wife: now i know why we never talk in this chat anymore

Warning: sticky substance, do not touch: oh yeah why

Be my wife: because they don't stop arguing

Be my wife: i'm only just now reminded of how annoying it is

Sweet poison: love you too niki :3

Bee boy: so you're telling me that everyone who knows fit and pac knew about pac's onesided crush on fit except for me and missa??? and no one's told him???

Loan shark: that's right

Extremely opinionated: honestly it doesn't even surprise me that missa didn't know about it either

Extremely opinionated: the man can't even tell that phil likes him more than platonically it's not surprising he's fucking blind to someone else's love life

Crowfather: IM FUCKING TRYING OK

Crowfather: HES SO FUCKING OBLIVIOUS ITS ACTUALLY STARTING TO PISS ME OFF

Crowfather: AND KRISTIN JUST FUCKING LAUGHS AT ME INSTEAD OF HELPING

Diet Aziraphale: I mean, you two are already dating. Is it really that surprising that she's not helping you out?

Crowfather: trust me she's fine with it

Crowfather: she fucking encouraged me to pursue missa in the first place she's just not gonna do anything to help me

Crowfather: in fact she herself explicitly said that she eventually wants us to be the "this is my husband and this is my husband's boyfriend" meme but that she won't help me get us there

Sweet poison: that tracks

Bee boy: @Sweet poison ok i sent you a separate text can you please respond to it

Bee boy: everyone else thank you for providing absolutely 0 helpful information and having me regret making this chat active again

Gambling addict: fuck you tubbo

Loan shark: fuck you tubbo

Be my wife: you're welcome, tubbo

Extremely opinionated: fuck you tubbo

Crowfather: let's hope that after this we never use it again

Sweet poison: let's fucking hope so

Diet Aziraphale: Language, everyone

Warning: sticky substance, do not touch: no one fucking cares

Warning: sticky substance, do not touch: and on that note

Warning: sticky substance, do not touch: does anyone want to try some of this pink slime i made? i put pink starburst flavoring in it and it tastes delicious
Read at 3:58 PM

Chapter Text

Why is it that when something happens it is always you three?

Tulie - Harry, Mike - Hermione, Pac - Ron

Ron: WHICH ONE OF YOU ASSHOLES TOLD

Ron: TULIE WAS IT YOU

Harry: ????

Ron: ABOUT MY CRUSH ON FIT

Ron: WHO WAS IT

Ron: AND NEITHER OF YOU TOLD FIT RIGHT

Hermione: i didn't fucking tell anyone shit

Harry: why the fuck would i tell anyone

Harry: this is your nonsense to deal with not mine

Harry: i might tease you and shit but i would never outright tell anyone anything

Ron: THEN HOW DID BASICALLY EVERYONE IN SOULFIRE KNOW ABOUT IT???

Harry: like it's that hard to notice in the first place

Harry: anyone with half a brain could tell you had a major crush on him

Harry: and if not by how you would constantly rant about how hot he looked, then it would be with how you practically fucking drool on the spot whenever you see him

Hermione: and literally everyone except for fit himself seemed to have noticed btw

Ron: what

Hermione: the only reason fit hasn't confronted you about your crush is because the man's fucking blind to his surroundings when he's at competitions, much less when it comes to noticing other people

Hermione: he's like how steve nedoroscik was at the olympics during the team finals. only focused on the event he's about to perform

Hermione: the man wouldn't be able to see someone crushing on him if it smacked him in the face

Harry: this is very true

Harry: it would be really funny if it wasn't so sad

Ron: what the fuck is that supposed to mean

Hermione: he is, as the minecrafters say, married to the grind

Hermione: his dedication to the sport is insane, but anything else in his personal life except for his pre existing friendships just flies over his head

Ron: and you're telling me this why?

Harry: because if you want your guys relationship to move past friends, you have to work really fucking hard to get him to even think about doing that

Mike - Smartass, Tulie - Hardass

Smartass: so you're just not going to tell him about fit's massive returning crush?

Hardass: fuck no i like the fofoca that can come with keeping it from them

Smartass: honestly i respect that

Hardass: plus he needs to learn to stop relying on other people to solve his personal shit

Hardass: and you're not going to say anything either are you?

Smartass: obviously not

Hardass: good

Smartass: good

Why is it that when something happens it is always you three?

Ron: oh yeah and how the fuck would you suggest i go about doing that

Harry: don't fucking ask me for advice this is all on you man

Hermione: you're getting no help from me either

Hermione: i'm happy and in love with a girlfriend already

Ron: which is why you should help me

Ron: you have experience with "getting bitches" as they say so tell me how you did it

Hermione: yes well unfortunately the "bitch" you're pursuing is a completely different person from mine so my information is useless. good luck on your own tho :)

Ron: fuck you both of you are useless

Ron: i'll fucking find someone who's actually going to help me

Hardass: watch him go to the brazilians chat

Smartass: oh absolutely

Favela Family Disaster

Tulie - Angry mom, Forever - Absentee dad, Cellbit - Gay uncle, Bagi - Wine aunt, Felps - Responsible eldest, Mike - Trouble twin 1, Pac - Trouble twin 2, Jaiden - Distant cousin

Wine aunt: don't you think it's about time we remove forever from the chat?

Wine aunt: i mean the man fucking dipped after graduating and no one's heard a word from him since so

Wine aunt: he's serving the role of a deadbeat so good that i think it's time we officially treat him like one and kick him out

Wine aunt: all in favor say aye

Wine aunt: aye

Trouble twin 1: aye

Responsible eldest: aye

Gay uncle: aye

Distant cousin: aye

Trouble twin 2: I NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Trouble twin 2: also aye

Gay uncle: good luck getting any, everyone here is single and lonely

Gay uncle: also @Angry mom what's your verdict?

Angry mom: eh why the fuck not

Angry mom: he fucked off into the aether for some reason and hasn't kept contact with anyone so what's the point

Angry mom removed Absentee dad

Trouble twin 2: great now that that's out of the way

Trouble twin 2: I NEED RELATIONSHIP ADVICE

Responsible eldest: since fucking when

Angry mom: no you don't

Trouble twin 2: YES I DO

Wine aunt: why

Trouble twin 1: because his siblings won't give him advice on how to escape the friendzone, he's asking his even more useless friends instead

Gay uncle: fuck you mike we're not useless

Responsible eldest: right. we're just inadequate. there's a difference you know

Wine aunt: fuck you felps

Distant cousin: hello

Distant cousin: jaiden here

Distant cousin: just wanted to say that as someone who hasn't really seen anything related to your interest in fit beyond your drooling stares at him during competitions, you shouldn't really take my advice too seriously

Distant cousin: but why not just ask him?

Angry mom: terminally permanent embarrassment if fit doesn't feel the same way

Gay uncle: seriously?

Gay uncle: that's a terrible reason

Gay uncle: just ask him, don't be a coward

Wine aunt: you're certainly one to suggest that

Wine aunt: mr. "i'm too scared to confess to roier because what if he doesn't feel the same, oh my god i'm so fucked"

Wine aunt: that is a direct text from him btw

Wine aunt: and i have the receipts to prove it

Angry mom: send them to me

Angry mom: right now

Angry mom: i require more cellbit blackmail

Wine aunt: on it

Gay uncle: i hate both of you

Gay uncle: why did you have to leave me felps

Gay uncle: it got so much worse when you left

Responsible eldest: sorry bestie but it is what it is

Trouble twin 1: mine and tulie's point still stands pac

Trouble twin 1: you don't need advice from other people on how to confess

Distant cousin: plus i'm pretty sure everyone in this chat wouldn't even be able to give you advice anyway

Distant cousin: we're all either having our own relationship problems or we're straight up just not interested

Wine aunt: that is also true

Wine aunt: like i'm trying to get the attention of tina from soulfire and i've been fucking trying for like months

Wine aunt: but you don't see me ranting about my romance woes in the chat for other people to deal with

Gay uncle: that's because you're making just me deal with them

Wine aunt: hush no i'm not

Gay uncle: you literally are

Gay uncle: i "have the receipts to prove it" as you say

Gay uncle: and yes @Angry mom i will send them to you

Angry mom: thank you thank you

Responsible eldest: ok tulie what are you doing with all this stuff

Responsible eldest: surely not all of it is for blackmail

Angry mom: oh no of course not all of it

Angry mom: i mean a lot is but not everything

Angry mom: i mainly send it all straight to richas

Angry mom: he's better at knowing what to do with it than i am

Distant cousin: richas?

Distant cousin: as in the small 8 year old with hair curls and a stubborn streak bigger than his head?

Distant cousin: that richas?

Trouble twin 2: the one and only

Distant cousin: what does he need all that blackmail for?

Angry mom: for something he likes to call operation cupid

Angry mom: he's been on a quest to have the largest family ever and he's always saying that it'll never happen if none of his relatives can work up the courage to act on their love interests

Trouble twin 1: myself excluded of course because as he said i "actually had the balls to do it"

Trouble twin 1: unlike the rest of you

Wine aunt: if i told you i was planning to drive the full 8 hours to where soulfire college is to confess to tina would you believe me?

Trouble twin 1: no because you kept saying that during competition season too

Wine aunt: ok well fuck me then

Trouble twin 1: no thanks i'm already in a committed relationship

Trouble twin 1: plus we're related and you're a lesbian so pass

Wine aunt: fuck you

Trouble twin 1: :)

Trouble twin 2: so none of you numbnuts have any advice for me?

Gay uncle: bitch does it fucking look like we have advice for you?

Gay uncle: mike and tulie apparently refuse to help you

Gay uncle: bagi exposed my problems with roier

Gay uncle: mike is currently fighting with bagi about her problems with tina

Gay uncle: jaiden's advice only works once you grow a pair of balls and eventually have the stomach to be able to handle rejection

Distant cousin: better grow them soon btw

Gay uncle: and felps is felps so he's already excluded from giving anyone advice about anything

Responsible eldest: rude

Gay uncle: take a look at the entire conversation we've been having for the past like 30 minutes and tell me you think any of us have advice to give you

Trouble twin 2: you're all useless and i want to kms out of shame for being related to any of you

Angry mom: just make sure you clean up the mess afterward son

Angry mom: mother doesn't like it when her children can't pick up after themselves

Trouble twin 2: i hate you tulie

Chapter Text

Lloyd isn't gay, he's bisexual. Cole is the gay one - Mike

Etoiles - Overdramatic, Fit - Bald.exe, Mouse - Kawaii demon, Quackity - Beanbag, Bagi - Be quiet, Mike - Mad scientist, Antoine - Cryptid, Roier - Daddy long legs, Cass - Star Wars

Overdramatic: which one of you assholes took my cucumber pillow and how many times do i have to stab you to get it back

Star Wars: no stabbing please

Star Wars: stabbing is not necessary nor is it preferred

Overdramatic: then find whoever took my pillow and give it back

Beanbag: no one took your pillow

Overdramatic: someone did

Overdramatic: i had it last night but it disappeared and i haven't found it since

Bald.exe: are you sure you didn't just misplace it

Overdramatic: yes i'm sure

Overdramatic: one doesn't simply misplace their favorite pillow

Mad scientist: honestly with how small it is paired with the messy clusterfuck that is your room is it's a wonder you haven't misplaced it already

Kawaii demon: i miplace my shit all the time what are you talking about

Daddy long legs: yeah it's so fucking easy to misplace things

Daddy long legs: i misplace headbands and hoodies all the time

Star Wars: correction: you misplace headbands all the time because they're small, your room looks like a tornado blew through it and you have short term memory

Daddy long legs: um rude

Star Wars: but you've never misplaces your hoodies. leo steals them and then never gives them back

Daddy long legs: that's not true

Daddy long legs: she's given a few of them back

Star Wars: she hasn't given any of them back

Star Wars: vegetta is the one that gives back the ones he can find whenever you guys see each other

Star Wars: the rest of them are scattered around somewhere in her room at his house because she hides them

Daddy long legs: what's your point

Star Wars: my point is that you're a pushover

Daddy long legs: y eres una perra

Star Wars: se necesita uno para conocer

Cryptid: and you two are now done talking to each other

Beanbag: you're both bitches let's just leave it at that and move on

Overdramatic: thank you quackity

Overdramatic: now we can get to the really important matter at hand

Overdramatic: like the location of my cucumber pillow and who put it there

Mad scientist: for fucks sake no one took your fucking pillow

Kawaii demon: if you're that desperate to get it back then go looking for it

Kawaii demon: or just buy another one

Overdramatic: can't afford it

Beanbag: that sounds like a you problem

Overdramatic: you all hate me and it makes me sad

Overdramatic: what did i do to deserve such cruelty?

Overdramatic: i should just leave before it gets worse

Overdramatic: what if i just kms would any of you notice i was gone

Be quiet: you're our fucking representative of course we would notice if you were gone

Be quiet: if you kys then we have to find another representative and i'm pretty sure that's an effort that none of us want to put up with

Star Wars: well i'm not sure about the rest of you but i certainly don't

Star Wars: bcoz let's be honest here etoiles is the best choice

Star Wars: him or fit

Bald.exe: i'm honored?

Daddy long legs: you should be

Daddy long legs: if it's from cass then that's the highest form of praise anyone will get from her

Star Wars: and it's certainly a better compliment than the rest of you will ever get

Beanbag: unfortunately also true

Overdramatic: still can't find it

Mad scientist: you've only been looking for like 2 minutes

Overdramatic: 2 minutes too long

Overdramatic: @Cryptid i'm looking in your room

Cryptid: the hell you are you stay the fuck out

Overdramatic: oh yeah why?

Overdramatic: is it because it's in your room?

Cryptid: no that's not why

Overdramatic: then i'm going in
Sent at 2:19 PM

Daddy long legs sent a video
(the camera is peeking through a dorm room. Antoine is sitting backwards on his desk chair with a bored look on his face while Etoiles is standing in front of him, yelling while waving his right hand around. Tucked under his left arm is a small cucumber pillow)

Daddy long legs: guess we found the culprit

Kawaii demon: so antoine did take it then??

Star Wars: doubt it. he doesn't take people's shit without asking first

Star Wars: if anything etoiles probably left it in there during one of their gaming sessions and just forgot about it

Cryptid: that is exactly what happened

Cryptid: i told him that and he's still lecturing me about taking shit from him and not returning itjskdfj

Cryptid: fucj hea takimg muy ohoen

Cryptid: hlep

Kawaii demon: ???

Daddy long legs: ok antoine will be unavailable to text for a few minutes

Bald.exe: what happened

Daddy long legs: etoiles just yanked his phone out of his hand and threw it on the bed

Daddy long legs: so expect him not to say anything until etoiles leaves

Overdramatic: thieves don't deserve help

Bald.exe: but antoine didn't steal anything???

Daddy long legs: i don't think etoiles even cares anymore

Mad scientist: quackity and i can hear his fucking yelling from over here

Mad scientist: i don't think he'll leave for a good while

Beanbag: get him to fucking stop

Beanbag: i can't fucking concentrate if he's yelling

Star Wars: concentrate on what

Star Wars: the only thing you concentrate on is gymnastics and you guys don't even have practice today

Beanbag: what if i told you i was at the gym

Star Wars: i would ask why your priorities are texting rather than practicing

Star Wars: you said you wanted to improve your vault why aren't you focusing on that

Mad scientist sent an image
(Quackity is sitting on his bed with his phone in his hands, an annoyed expression on his face.)

Mad scientist: good thing he's not at the gym then

Beanbag: fuck you for exposing me mike

Beanbag: and i am focusing very hard on something thank you very much

Be quiet: oh yeah and what is it

Beanbag: i'm focusing on helping roier find a cute guy from either bolas or soulfire that he can date

Beanbag: he tasked me with stalking their people's instagrams and i am taking that job very seriously

Star Wars: un fucking believable

Star Wars: seriously roier?

Daddy long legs: what

Daddy long legs: i can't help being a hopeless romantic

Star Wars: well you're definitely hopeless that's for sure

Star Wars: the only one possibly more hopeless than you is fit

Bald.exe: i knew i couldn't stay out of it for long

Bald.exe: hopeless about what by the way??

Overdramatic: your crush on pac from soulfire

Overdramatic: obviously

Bald.exe: i have no idea what you're talking about

Star Wars: the hell you don't it's one of the most well known pieces of gossip media in the entire division

Star Wars: the only thing more well known and more well documented is roier's crush/infatuation/obsession with cellbit from bolas

Daddy long legs: it's not an obsession or an infatuation!

Daddy long legs: it's just a little crush ok

Be quiet: no it's an obsession bordering on infatuation

Be quiet: if i have to get one more text from you asking me what interests he has i'm going to just screeenshot all of your texts and send them to him

Daddy long legs: NO PLS IM SORRY

Daddy long legs: ITS GONNA BE SO AWKWARD IF HE DOESNT FEEL THE SAME WAY

Mad scientist: he does tho???

Daddy long legs: HE WOULD NEVER WANNA LOOK AT ME AGAIN IF HE DOESNT

Daddy long legs: I WOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO ADMIRE HIM FROM AFAR ANYMORE WITHOUT HIM BEING CREEPED OUT

Daddy long legs: BAGI IM SORRY PLEASE DONT SEND HIM ANY OF MY TEXTS

Daddy long legs: BAGI ANSWER ME

Daddy long legs: BAGI

Daddy long legs: BAGI

Daddy long legs: BAGI

Daddy long legs: BAGI

Daddy long legs: BAGIIIIIIIIIII

Daddy long legs: BAGI ANSWER THE DAMN TEXTS

Overdramatic: and you guys call me the overdramatic one

Mad scientist: it still stands

Mad scientist: roier might be more overdramatic than you but you do it much more often

Overdramatic: that's fair

Cryptid: you have your pillow back now get the fuck out of my room

Cryptid: his throw fucking shattered my phone screen btw

Cryptid: @Overdramatic you owe me a new screen

Overdramatic: the fuck i do

Overdramatic: maybe if you hadn't taken my pillow in the first place i wouldn't have to barge in and take your phone from you in the first place

Cryptid: I DIDNT TAKE YOUR FUCKING PILLOW

Cryptid: YOU FUCKING LEFT IT IN MY ROOM YOU IGNORANT SHIT

Mad scientist: can we move on from the fucking pillow already

Beanbag: yes please you guys are blowing up my phone and it's distracting me from my job

Be quiet: stalking people's social media accounts just to find roier a boyfriend is not a job

Beanbag: of course it is

Beanbag: and i take it very seriously

Star Wars: why the fuck are you even looking at other people????

Star Wars: if roier's full attention is on cellbit then who else could you be doing this for???

Beanbag: myself

Beanbag: i need a rebound after wilbur's rejection

Kawaii demon: reducing your next partner to just a rebound?

Kawaii demon: i'm so disappointed in you quackity

Beanbag: fuck you

Daddy long legs: isn't arin just recently single??

Daddy long legs: what about him

Beanbag: he graduated

Star Wars: and?

Star Wars: wilbur graduated before him and that didn't stop you

Beanbag: i don't like arin

Be quiet: that's not what you were texting me yesterday

Beanbag: fuck you bagi

Bald.exe: why not arin?

Bald.exe: i heard he broke up with his last partner because he supposedly wasn't committed enough

Bald.exe: something about still not being over an old crush of his

Beanbag: and what does that have to do with me

Star Wars: oh please like the entire college didn't know about his massive crush on you during sophomore year

Beanbag: my interest in arin is still the same

Daddy long legs: what could be the harm in giving him a chance?

Daddy long legs: i still have his contacts and the college is still following him on insta

Daddy long legs: i'm sure he'd be willing to still talk to you

Overdramatic: y'all are ridiculous

Overdramatic: this whole romance thing is both ridiculous and overrated

Be quiet: listen here asshole

Be quiet: just because you elected to remain single doesn't mean you get to insult the fact that we want to be happy in our own ways

Overdramatic: that's exactly what it means
Sent at 3:27 PM

Chapter Text

BOLAS?!!??!?!?!

Trigger happy: who's turn is it to waste precious money on gas to take the kids up to soulfire this weekend

Trigger happy: because i did it last time and i could've used the money i spent on the trip to buy myself a new pair of tiger paws

Trigger happy: god knows i need them after fucking wrecking my last pair

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): it's phil's turn

Dad: the fuck it is i did it the time before her

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): well it sure as fuck isn't my turn either

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): i'm off the list for the entire month after doing it 4 times in a row last season

Quack quack: why not just check the list

Jason Todd: doing that right now

Jason Todd: ok small problem

Trigger happy: oh fuck what is it

Jason Todd sent an image
(it's a screenshot of everyone's names placed on a list. Carre's name is bolded)

Jason Todd: this problem

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): well fuck

Calm down: NOT IT

Trigger happy: NOT IT

Bluejai: NOT IT

Quack quack: NOT IT

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): NOT IT

Jason Todd: NOT IT

Dad: NOT IT

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): NOT IT

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): FUCK

Calm down: HAHA LMAO LOSER

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): MOTHERFUCKER

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): I USED UP SO MUCH FUCKING MONEY LAST TIME I DID IT

Trigger happy: that's because you have a snack problem that's as bad as richas

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): fuck you tulie

Jason Todd: she is right tho

Jason Todd: both you and him have snack addictions and it's a very bad combo when you two are together

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): it's not my fault i get peckish during road trips and want to buy something to eat

Bluejai: actually it is your fucking fault

Bluejai: you get hungry but because you simply fucking refuse to pack extra snacks you buy them at every single rest stop you see

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): road trips are a hungering process okay

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): especially when sharing a van with 5 extremely hyperactive children

Dad: when you're with them it's 6 extremely hyperactive children

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i hate all of you

Calm down: trust me the sentiment is shared

Trigger happy: well you better get ready for the drive then

Bluejai: and actually pack extra snacks

Bluejai: because we sure as fuck aren't lending you any more money

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): ;_;

Jason Todd: not our fault you don't know how to responsibly spend your money

Dad: and that you have terrible impulse control

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): what is this

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): bully slime day?

Quack quack: it's only bully slime day whenever you do something stupid

Jason Todd: which is most of the time unfortunately

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): asshole

Trigger happy: and no offense but you're an easy punching bag

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): offense fucking taken

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i should just leave then

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): at this point i'm pretty sure soulfire would treat me better than you guys do

Jason Todd: somehow i doubt that

Dad: speaking of soulfire

Dad: doesn't that one girl you befriended go to that gym often?

Dad: the one that looks like you even though you didn't meet her until like last year

Trigger happy: juanaflippa?

Dad: yeah her

Dad: maybe you might see her there

Quack quack: highly likely i mean it is summertime

Good cop - Pac, Bad cop - Tulie

Bad cop: juanaflippa is mariana's little sister right

Good cop: yeah why

Bad cop: just asking

Good cop: i find that hard to believe

Bad cop: fuck you :)

Good cop: what are you planning little sister

Bad cop: none of your business

BOLAS?!!??!?!?!

Trigger happy: i think that would be a good idea

Trigger happy: flippa is a nice kid and she definitely enjoys your company whenever we're at soulfire for a competition

Jason Todd: what are you planning tulie?

Trigger happy: nothing :)

Jason Todd: i find that hard to believe

Trigger happy: you know pac said the exact same thing

Trigger happy: you both wound me with your lack of faith

Dad: i think their lack of faith is entirely reasonable

Dad: especially if you're doing what i think you're doing

Trigger happy: and what exactly do you think i'm doing

Dad: i don't think i want to tell you

Trigger happy: works fine for me :)
Sent at 11:28 AM

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): who's car am i taking

Bluejai: yours

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): no can do

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): it's in the shop remember

Dad: still?

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): yes still

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): unless you forgot how bad it got wrecked in that incident

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): that some people still haven't apologized for

Calm down: i have nothing to be sorry for

Calm down: it's not my fault no one ever listens to me when i say something is a bad idea

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): that's because you think everything we suggest is a bad idea

Calm down: because it is!

Calm down: i cannot emphasize that enough!

Jason Todd: you actually can

Calm down: shut the fuck up cellbit

Jason Todd: nah

Calm down: fine then be that way

Calm down: regardless everyone else on this team aside from phil and maybe tulie are filled with dumb ideas that need to be restrained by someone

Calm down: only problem is no one fucking listens to the reasonable one on this team

Calm down: that is why your car is still in the shop despite the accident being literally months ago

Calm down: and also why i will not be apologizing

Calm down: if you idiots refuse to listen to someone telling you something is a bad idea then you don't get to complain when something goes south

Bluejai: well that's definitely one way to reinforce your not apology

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): fucking pacifists amirite

Calm down: i will ask tulie for a gun to shoot you in the fucking head

Trigger happy: and i will give it to her

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): i thought pacifists don't like violence

Calm down: i'm not a pacifist i'm a nonviolent activist

Calm down: i won't resort to violence immediately but i can and will make sure your baby maker never works right again

Calm down: a well placed kick in the balls should do it

Jason Todd: what the fuck

Calm down: :)

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): ok but whose car am i taking

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): i asked and no one answered

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): we just devolved into a conversation about each person's individual inability to make good decisions

Dad: i need mine

Dad: chay and lullah are visiting and i promised them a tour around the town

Quack quack: i'm planning on visiting antoine and etoiles next week and jaiden is coming with me to visit roier

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): so i can take ur car @Bluejai?

Bluejai: no sorry

Bluejai: i'm already letting snow borrow it

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): fine >:(

Jason Todd: tulie and i are headed up to the favela this weekend too so no car either

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): so i can borrow tulie's car?

Trigger happy: you're real fucking funny if you think i'm letting you spare a single glance at my car

Loud and chaotic (derogatory): WHY

Trigger happy: because i don't want my car to be stuck in the repair shop for a year

Trigger happy: it's a nice car and i refuse to let you touch it

Dad: which just leaves foolish's car left

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): WHY ME

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): ITS BECAUSE IM THE RICH ONE ISNT IT

Calm down: because you're the rich one

Bluejai: because you're the rich one

Dad: because you can afford a new one if your current one gets totaled

Jason Todd: or just straight up pay for repairs if it gets totaled

Trigger happy: point is you can afford it

Trigger happy: the rest of us cannot

Loud and chaotic (affectionate): you can afford it!!

Trigger happy: yeah but like i said there's no fucking way i'm letting him even look at my car

Trigger happy: plus mine is less expensive than yours

Trigger happy: he'll be less likely to try and total it

One shot wonder: i highly doubt that
Sent at 2:57 PM

Chapter Text

We Didn't Start the (Soul)fire

God: GUYSGUYSGUYS

God: EVERYONE ON NOW

God: THIS IS SOMETHING THAT REQUIRES IMMEDIATE ATTENTION

God: WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL OF YOU

Violently homophobic: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT

Violently homophobic: IM FUCKING BUSY

Violently Homophobic: HURRY IT UP BEFORE I MUTE THE FUCKING CHAT FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK

Little sh*t: Please don't do that, Tubbo.

Little sh*t: I don't think the others want to go through the effort of contacting you separately to give you new information.

Little sh*t: And I know I certainly don't want to risk someone misinterpreting information and then you showing up not knowing what's going on, only to get mad at us for you not having been there to get the information in the first place.

Violently homophobic: ¯\_(ಠ_ಠ)_/¯

Violently homophobic: rude

Rock: i hate to break it to you tubbo but the truth hurts

Violently homophobic: i will convince coach to bench you for the entirety of the upcoming season pierre

Violently homophobic: you guys are so mean to me

Water stream: considering the fact that you are almost always the one to instigate the fights, i can't imagine why

God: guys stop bullying tubbo. my problem takes importance over his

Kissy Missy: i sincerely doubt that. your problems are almost always blown out of proportion

God: >:(

God: fuck you no i don't

Little sh*t: Just say what you want to say, Mariana.

God: QUACKITY JUST TEXTED ME THAT CHARLIE TEXTED HIM THAT HES BRINGING THE LITTLE KIDS UP TO SOULFIRE FOR THE WEEKEND

Cottagecore goth: and this is relevant how?

Kissy Missy: it's not

Kissy Missy: it's just him blowing things out of proportion again

God: VETE A LA MIERDA MISSA SINFONIA

God: how is this any less relevant than you proudly announcing you didn't embarrass yourself when phil spoke to you?

Kissy Missy: it's not

Kissy Missy: but at least i don't gaslight myself into thinking it's something that requires immediate attention from everyone on my gymnastics team

Pillow princess: wow

Rock: ain't that the truth

God: what the fuck is wrong with you all

God: i didn't join the team just to get berated by my teammates for explaining my worries

Violently homophobic: no you joined so that you could get berated by your teammates for thinking that it's information that needs to be urgently shared with everyone rather than just texting one person separately

Tea addict: this is not worth my time

Tea addict: i'm going back to practice

God: ok bye

God: noone likes you anyway

Tea addict: bagi does

Pillow princess: bagis taste in women isn't particularly good

Pillow princess: thats at least something all the brazilians can agree on

Rock: you guys can agree on things about romance?

Rock: color me impressed

Pillow princess: ಠ_ಠ
Read at 1:03 PM

Kissy Missy: hey tubbo do you think you can ask phil how long he plans to have chay and lullah over?

Violently homophobic: why me

Violently homophobic: ask him yourself

Violently homophobic: i'm not gonna be a messenger between you two just because you're too scared to ask him directly

Kissy Missy: oh

Kissy Missy: ok then

Kissy Missy: guess i'll just gather up my nonexistent mental strength and ask him something that he really doesn't have to share with me because it's really none of my business

Kissy Missy: because i can totally just stick my head into his personal business to ask him if he wants to go out on a date with someone out of his league

Rock: hey missa has anyone ever told you that excessive self deprication is a sign of insecurity

Kissy Missy: yes

Kissy Missy: roier does

Kissy Missy: all the time

Kissy Missy: he even offered to set me up with his therapist cousin to discuss my "issues"

Cottagecore goth: and you accepted right?

Kissy Missy: well

Cottagecore goth: you accepted right?

Kissy Missy: if i told you yes would you believe me

Rock: we wouldn't

Kissy Missy: ok then i won't tell you

Violently homophobic: can we talk about something different please

Violently homophobic: we've already established missa's inability to seek help in the past before and i can't be bothered to keep hearing about it again

Violently homophobic: let's just leave it at this

Violently homophobic: MISSA GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY AND ASK PHIL OUT

Rock: bold words for someone who can't even ask his own crush out because he's also too scared of being refused

Violently homophobic: that's fucking it i'm getting coach to bench you for the rest of the season

Violently homophobic: enjoy your final year watching comp from afar dickhead

Rock: fat fucking chance

Rock: you guys are doomed on p bars without me and you know it

Rock: considering you're ranked 5 out of 6 and everyone else doesn't even reach top 10 you of all people should know that benching me will make our team score drop like a sack of shit TUBBO

Violently homophobic: i can always work mariana harder

God: ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ please don't

God: it's already bad enough that i have to carry us in high bar

God: please don't add another thing that'll just keep me from school more

Tea addict: all of us have formed a shitty school-sports life already

Tea addict: join the club mariana

God: no thank you

God: i would like to have at least some of my shit together before getting kicked off bcoz i can't get good scores

Tea addict: ok then
Read at 3:27 PM

Why is it that when something happens it is always you three?

Ron: hey tulie do you know when charlie is bringing the kids up to soulfire

Harry: why

Ron: so that i know when to not be at school

Ron: i would really like to not be here when mariana embarrasses himself in front of him again

Harry: that's fair

Harry: he's planning on leaving tomorrow

Hermione: wanna come visit me?

Hermione: i know fit would love to see you again

Ron: i'll think about it

Harry: coward

Ron: rude

Harry: man up and tell him yourself or i will

Harry: i'm getting really fucking tired of you constantly floundering around every time you're near him

Hermione: be nice tulie

Harry: listen there is only so much patience i can have before i burst

Harry: and as it stands it's running out very quickly

Harry: as in if i see you run away from fit at one more competition then i'm just gonna show him all our texts that have you mooning over him

Harry: given that it's currently the start of august and competition doesn't even start until january that gives you until april before we're all in one place

Harry: if you haven't gathered up the courage to confess or the stomach to handle a rejection then i'm sharing everything with him

Hermione: what if he falls out of love with him

Harry: tell me that you honestly believe that and i'll say it counts

Harry: that's what i fucking thought

Ron: okay fine

Ron: i'll work on it

Harry: you better

Harry: now start packing your shit and get a train ticket to Bolas

Harry: before i make you stay with mike

Ron: yes ma'am

Croc teeth - Fit, Amusement park ride - Tulie

Amusement park ride: when are you planning on doing something about your thing for pac

Croc teeth: um hello to you too?

Amusement park ride: answer my question

Croc teeth: soon

Croc teeth: promise

Amusement park ride: define soon

Amusement park ride: because last time you said that was a year ago

Amusement park ride: and i still have yet to see any confessing on your part

Croc teeth: i'm working on it

Amusement park ride: work on it quicker

Amusement park ride: or else i'm gonna deadline you

Amusement park ride: and i know you don't like it when i do that to you

Croc teeth: please don't

Croc teeth: i'll deal with it

Amusement park ride: you better or else i'm gonna send him all our texts that include you talking about him

Croc teeth: if you were to hypothetically give me a deadline, when would it be

Amusement park ride: next ncaa in april at the end of the school year

Amusement park ride: before you guys graduate and move rly fucking far away

Amusement park ride: ur a senior who knows how far you plan to move out once you graduate

Croc teeth: not that far tbh

Croc teeth: prob gonna settle back in 2b

Amusement park ride: why would you want to go back to that hellhole

Amusement park ride: they are homophobic as fuck its why you and i left in the first place

Croc teeth: its cheap and inexpensive

Croc teeth: unless you have somewhere else that's actually affordable for me

Amusement park ride: you can't fucking convince me to let you move in with me back to lifesteal

Amusement park ride: it's not gonna fucking happen

Croc teeth: worth a shot

Amusement park ride: no it wasn't

Croc teeth: cmon why won't you let me join you

Amusement park ride: they won't accept people mentally older than 30

Croc teeth: har har

Amusement park ride: deadass tho its bcoz i'm not even moving back after college

Amusement park ride: which means you can't move in on ur own since we both know you rely solely on me to make friends with new people

Croc teeth: what if i told you i've been getting better at talking to people on my own

Amusement park ride: i would call you a liar

Croc teeth: that's fair

Croc teeth: but i'm working on it i swear

Amusement park ride: uh huh sure

Amusement park ride: anyway i gotta go

Amusement park ride: my floor isn't gonna make space for a sleeping bag on its own

Croc teeth: who's staying over

Amusement park ride: pac

Amusement park ride: he wants to stay away from soulfire until charlie leaves after dropping the kids off

Croc teeth: because of him and mariana?

Amusement park ride: yes

Croc teeth: understandable

Croc teeth: i wouldn't want to deal with their bickering either