Chapter Text
Do you walk in the valley of kings?
Do you walk in the shadow of men
Who sold their lives to a dream?
- Glitter and Gold (Barns Courtney)
Zhou Zishu had made many mistakes in his life.
Many times, he had thought, what if it was possible to turn back time and return to the past, before his Shifu’s death, before Jiuxiao’s death, before the death of all the members in the Four Seasons Manor, before the massacre of Wen Kexing’s family, before he became the leader of the Window of Heaven.
That is, until he met Wen Kexing. Wen Kexing was his Zhiji, his soulmate, he was the reason Zhou Zishu wanted to find a cure, so that he could continue living and spend the rest of his days with his beloved soulmate.
Sure, Zhou Zishu never forgot that he had done, what the Window of Heaven had done, and he had never fully moved on, but with Wen Kexing, he could look forward, he could feel alive again.
—
A flash of blinding white light, and Zhou Zishu found himself in a place he hadn’t been for so long.
“Zishu? Zishu?” a familiar voice called.
“W-Wang ye?”
Zishu, are you not feeling well?” asked Jin Wang, confused.
“W…Wang ye, forgive Zi Shu, I simply didn’t get enough sleep last night,” stuttered Zhou Zishu, confused. What was happening?
“Zishu…How many times do I have to tell you to drop the formality?” asked Prince Jin. “In any case, I understand, that last mission was a difficult one, no one expected Minister Liang to have any reinforcements.”
Minister Liang? Zhou Zishu thought hard, and vaguely remembered (for he had killed so many people, it gets pretty hard to keep track of all of them) that 5 years ago he had killed Minister Liang Baicheng and his entire family, but that was 5 years ago…How is he here? Was this all just a dream? No, he had stopped having dreams like these a long time ago, besides, this was way too detailed and realistic to be a dream…Then…
“Zishu, are you sure that you are fine? You look like you’ve just seen a ghost”, questioned Jin wang, sounding concerned, though Zhou Zishu knew that He Lianyi was just trying to make sure that Zhou Zishu would be well enough to lead yet another mission.
“This Zhou doesn’t deserve Wang Ye's worry,” replied Zhou Zishu carefully.
Jin Wang frowns, “Zishu, you’re always too hard on yourself. Go and get some rest, I’ll just read your report.”
“This humble one thanks your majesty,” replied Zhou Zishu, bowing deeply. He then turned around and walked down the familiar palace halls.
Zhou Zishu looks around, obviously, nothing had changed since the last time he remembered being here as this was in the past, but it just felt…different. Perhaps, he now had a different perception of the world, no longer being the cold, indifferent man he once was, he seemed to see everything in a different light. He no longer saw the majestic palace, the grand halls, the intricate decoration; now, all he saw was a cold, heartless man in a cold, dark place devoid of human life, human emotions.
—
The next few days went exactly as Zhou Zishu had remembered. He was sure now, this was not a dream, not that he had really thought it was in the beginning, he had long stopped dreaming about stuff like this, having used many herbs and incense to prevent it. Still, Zhou Zishu had still clung onto a bit of hope, maybe the herbs and incense had just suddenly stopped working, maybe this was just a bad dream…no, a nightmare.
But as the days went by, it just kept getting harder and harder to continue believing that this was all just his unconscious mind. Seriously, what kind of dream spans on for this long? Not to mention that everything he “dreamed'' had all happened in his life, years ago, in a much darker part of Zhou Zishu’s life that he did not enjoy thinking back on.
Zhou Zishu admits, he was scared, he was reluctant. Though he had once thought, many times in fact, about turning back time to make it right again, to undo all his sins and all the blood he had spilled in this world. But what about Lao Wen? Zhou Zishu admits, he’s selfish, he was never the good guy anyways, and he had never bothered hiding it…
What happened to Lao Wen? Did he come back with Zhou Zishu, or did he stay back. His heart ached at how his soulmate would wake up, anxious, scared, looking for him. His heart ached at the thought of Wen Kexing spending the rest of his life alone, without his soulmate, the person who had mattered the most to him in this world. They had promised to each other that they would spend the rest of their lives together, wandering around the world and teaching their silly disciples all the techniques of the Four Seasons Manor. They had promised to stay with each other, no matter what, until the very end, until all their hair had turned white, and their skins wrinkly, then they would find the most beautiful peach blossom forest, like the one they had been in when they first met, pointlessly “fighting” with each other. They would then drink their last jug of wine together while gazing at the moon, have their last meal together, like the one they had when they first met, have their last spar with each other, just like how they had used to. Then, when they are sure their times are near, they would pick the night with the most beautiful full moon, the gentlest night breeze, and they would say their last words to each other, and drink their last jug of wine…A jug of wine full of poison, as neither one would’ve wanted to stay behind while their beloved left them. They would lay next to each other and share their last kiss, the night so beautiful, the moon as their witness, but they would only have each other in their eyes.
But now…Zhou Zishu felt lost, for the third time in his life. The first time was when he learned of Jiu Xiao’s death. The news had crushed him. His shidi…his brother…Jiu Xiao had died trying to save Zhou Zishu, thinking that he was in danger when he was in fact, not…Zhou Zishu felt a pang of sadness and guilt in his heart. Jiu Xiao…Jiu Xiao probably still had me in his mind when he died, his beloved shixiong, his idol…Even now, he knew, this was still how Jiu Xiao thought of him, unbeknownst to his shidi, he would die for his shixiong, a death in vain…The second time was when he had saw his zhiji’s body falling off that cliff. Zhou Zishu remembered feeling as if his entire world had just collapsed, fallen away from him, like his soulmate. The graceful body, falling off the cliff…The man jumping after him, a smile on his face, “if I cannot be with you in the world of the living, then I shall follow you to the Nether world, and we will spend eternity together, unbound by the chains of time, of mortal weaknesses” …of death. Zhou Zishu closed his eyes, his arm outstretched, “Lao Wen, wait for me, don’t go too far, wait for me at the gates, it won’t take me long to follow.” Zhou Zishu closed his eyes, he was so tired, of the Jianghu, the so-called righteous martial arts sects, so tired of grief after grief, mourning after mourning, so tired…of life. “I had never planned to live long anyway, you were the only reason holding me back, now that you’re gone, what do I have to live for?” Zhou Zishu remembered waking up, feeling free, feeling true happiness. Finally, eternity with his soulmate, without anyone bothering them, just each other and their everlasting love for each other. And when they three years are up…well, they are already dead aren’t they? They no longer had to worry about the nails, about waking up and finding the other nowhere to be seen, wiped away from the faces of the earth. Zhou Zishu didn’t care about death, he just wanted to be with his Lao Wen, drinking the finest wine, gazing at the moon, sparring with each other, whether it was in life or death, it mattered not…Then, Ye Baiyi came in, and informed him of the harsh truth: He was in fact alive, he was pulled up by Ye Baiyi at the last moment, when he had already slipped into unconsciousness. His Lao Wen was gone, but he was still here. What was he doing here? Oh, yes, of course, how could he have forgotten? Yes, he needed to take care of Zhao Jing, that bitch who dared to hurt his Lao Wen. He needed to make sure that he paid full price for everything, everything he had done. But first he needed to make sure that Lao Wen was…that he was really…Yes, he had committed an unspeakable sin, he had lit his soulmate’s body on fire, but he couldn’t let those so-called righteous heroes humiliate his zhiji’s body. Even in death, couldn’t they just let him rest in peace? He pulled out all of his nails, ready to put his life on the line, for his beloved Lao Wen. He was ready to fight Zhao Jing, to kill him, for his soulmate…but then…There he was, alive and well, dressed in his casual robes, with his white fan, looking like a deity who had just descended from heaven. But now…now Zhou Zishu won’t be there, to grow old with him, to fulfil his promises to him, to be with him…At least that’s what they all thought. Thankfully, the Great Shaman had a way to save him, to repair all his meridians, thankfully, he survived, for his Lao Wen. They were able to defend the Ghost Valley during the so-called righteous sect’s massacre, they were able to save Gu Xiang and Cao Weining, they were able to stop Scorpion King and Jin Wang from getting to the World Armoury. And now, finally, after all that blood, after all that tragedy, they were finally able to spend the rest of their lives together, in peace, with a jug of wine and each other…Except they weren’t…
A single tear rolled down Zhou Zishu’s face, then the second, then the third.
He had to find Lao Wen, whether it was his Lao Wen, the Lao Wen he always knew, or Wen Kexing, he would find him, no matter what it takes, he needs to find him, even if everything won’t be the same, ever again, he had to at least try.
That wasn’t all though, now that he was back, there were many things from the past that he needed to fix. Unfortunately, many members of the Four Seasons Manor have already died, whether it was during missions or in their futile attempt to escape or leave the Window of Heaven, they were dead, and Zhou Zishu can’t change that, but what he can do is prevent it from happening again.
He needed to save Jiuxiao, Princess Jingan, Bi Changfeng, Hanying, all the other remaining members of the Four Seasons Manor and all the juniors. Thinking about all these people, Zhou Zishu suddenly felt emotional again. His shidi, Jiuxiao, who died trying to save him, dies in vain thinking that he was in danger, who warned Zhou Zishu about everything that would happen, not wanting his shixiong to have more blood on his hands. Princess Jingan, his precious shidi’s lover, who delivered his body to Zhou Zishu, who loved Jiuxiao, till the very end. Bi Changfeng, who Zhou Zishu had killed personally, with the seven nails of torments. Hanying, who had also died trying to save Zhou Zishu, put his life on the line to steal a glazed armour piece, in order to safe Zhou Zishu, he had died in vain, died stealing a replica, he had died with only one wish, to save Zhou Zishu, then be a part of the Four Seasons Manor, but he died before he was able to see that happen. All the members of the Four Seasons Manor, both the ones who have already passed away, and those still remaining. Zhou Zishu had brought them here, if not for him, they’d still be alive, he was the reason why they’d joined the Window of Heaven in the first place, Zhou Zishu can’t bring back those who’ve already passed on, but he would make sure that it would never happen again, never again. The juniors, who risked their lives trying to save Zhou Zishu, who went against the Window of Heaven and Prince Jin to save him, even though they weren’t even a part of the Four Seasons Manor. They were willing to put their lives on the line, fighting Duan Pengju and the other members of the Window of Heaven, they did this just so Zhou Zishu would be able to live.
So many lives, all in Zhou Zishu’s hands, so many who were so loyal to him, willing to die for him, and they did. But this time, it wouldn’t happen, it would never happen again.