Chapter Text
2007 - 2:34am
***
Spencer whimpered when his eyes opened again, he was trapped in a dark shed that smelled musty, and traces of his own blood. He was alone, he barely felt how every part of his body ached, he didn’t even register the blood that has now dried on his forehead and in his hair. Drugs, he was unsure which drug, ran through his veins, quieting the pain, and the fear. Every new dose of the drug made him pass out, and with that came dreams. The last thing he dreamed of was his mother, when he sent her away. He felt his heart break all over again, silent tears fell down his face. All he wanted was his mom. Would he ever see her again? But, because he was alone, he tried to get his arms out of the ropes, the pain of rope burn already tracing his wrists, but he didn’t wince when he moved them more, tugging and pulling, anything. He didn't know why, his attempts never worked, but he tried. At least there would be defensive marks when his team found his body.
When Tobias came back, he was given another fill, which he didn’t beg and plead this time, because the memories helped, the pain went away, he felt okay. When his eyes closed, he expected his mother.
***
In the summer of 1989, Spencer was 8 years old.
***
Spencer cried into his pillow, sobs shaking his body, he felt cold from how much he had cried. His father had left his room with a pat on the back, and a demand not to tell anyone, bruises on Spencer's small hips in his wake. Spencer sat up and rubbed at his eyes, and took deep breaths, he couldn’t let his mom hear, she would make it worse. When he calmed down, he fixed his pajamas, grabbed a marker, and drew on his arm. He talked about his favorite facts, dinosaurs, whales, anything.
***
Summer of 1989, Derek is 16
***
Derek throws a basketball with his friends, a lack of joy thrummed through his body. When he tossed the ball in the hoop, but fumbled last second when he felt his arm itch. On it were several drawings, he paused, looking at his arm, childish, shaky handwriting wrote weird facts, he didn’t have a pen on him, but he wanted this damn kid to stop. The kid had been doing this everyday since they were 6, but he didn’t really know that. They didn’t share ages, names, genders, just the facts everyday, and Derek never responded unless he told the kid to shut up.
***
Back in the shed, 3:04am
***
Spencer woke up from the dream, his mind was groggy, he barely noticed the other man in the room. The energy was different, he guessed it was Rapheal. He hated Rapheal more than everyone else. He swallowed bile that threatened to escape, he knew he needed to try and keep all the fluids he could in his body. A camera was in front of him, he looked up at the man with confusion.
“You really see inside men's minds?” Rapheal ground out, from the opposite of the room. Spencer was dazed, confused, the words nearly passed by him. Before he could speak, and deny the others words that were spit at him, Rapheal began speaking again. “You see these vermin? Choose one to die, and I’ll let you choose one to live.” Spencer's eyes flickered to the screens, and his eyes widened, there were normal, happy families on the screen. Spencer had to swallow vomit, which made him feel even worse. How could anyone expect someone to choose who to murder? “No.” He whispered, shaking his head, disgusted with the entire idea. Rapheal sauntered over to him, speaking while he walked. “I thought you wanted to be a savior.”
Spencer gulped slightly, he really didn’t want Rapheal close to him, the before pain flaring up as a reminder. “You’re a sadist in a psychotic break, you won’t stop killing, your words are not true.” He tried to escape from this difficult situation with words, like he’s done often before with unsubs, he often talked until his throat the next day, anything for this to stop. Rapheal’s eyes went to the camera, and Spencer’s eyes followed. “The other heathens are watching,” Rapheal says, filling Spencer with terror. He didn’t want his team to see him like this, what if when he eventually chose someone, they stopped searching for him? What if they thought he didn’t deserve saving? “Name a sinner to die, and I’ll give a name and address of the person to be saved.” He finished his words, and Spencer wished he could die right now. “I won’t choose who gets slaughtered and you leave their remains behind like a poacher.” Spencer spoke, his words filled with false confidence, trying to convince his team he was fine, but he wasn’t, and that terrified him.
Rapheal quickly, and terrifyingly walked towards him again, and picked him up out of the chair like a damn rag-doll. He winced, he wanted to fight, he couldn’t. “You really seeing into my mind, boy?” Rapheal spat, and Spencer let out a whimper. “Can you see that I’m not a liar?” He yelled into Spencer's face, and Spencer felt like he was back home, five years old being screamed at by his father. “Choose a life to die, Or they’re all dead.” Spencer was dropped back into the chair, and he realized the zip ties around his wrist broke off, but stayed loose around his wrists. He prayed Rapheal wouldn’t notice. His breath was suddenly very heavy as he spoke, scared, he didn’t even try and pretend for his team anymore. “Alright,” he stuttered out, “I’ll choose who lives.”
“They’re all the same.” Rapheal said, adding to Spencer's terror. Spencer's eyes went across each screen, trying to decide without feeling too guilty, how could he play god? He randomly chose, “The far right screen.” His voice was smaller than all the times he spoke before. Rapheal looked at the screen, mildly pleased with the boy's choice. “Mary David.” He listed an address. Within minutes, the camera was covered by the women. “Rapheal..” Spencer whispered as Rapheal walked towards him, and turned off the camera. Rapheal gave him a look, and walked out the door.
Spencer waited, for a good ten minutes before he shakily stood, hopping on one foot, the other one sore from the beating he received earlier. He looked at the screens, he couldn’t do anything about that, he walked around, he found a grave stone, he was in a graveyard. He hopped around more, he didn’t even know what he wanted. After another ten minutes, he found a pen. Why was there a pen here? Then he got an idea. He didn’t know who his soulmate was, but he didn’t care. He lifted his shirt, and wrote, “I need help, I’m at a gravesite, I’m doctor Spencer Reid from the FBI.” He covered his shirt, threw the pen and sat back down, he knew he’d be punished for the lack of zip-tie if Rapheal or Charles saw, but he didn’t care. He’d die with final last words.
***
In Tobias’s home, 3:00am.
***
Derek watched the screen flicker as Garcia typed, and then it went blank. “What happened?” He asked. Garcia panicked slightly, typing away trying to get the data she originally had on the screens when Spencer appeared. Derek’s heart sank, he felt like puking. The kids hair was stuck to his forehead where he was bleeding, he was missing a shoe, and he was staring at someone standing outside the frame. He ran to the door, and yelled for everyone to get inside, before going back to the screen. It felt like time slowed, the younger man looked terrified.
They watched the scene unfold in front of them, they were all terrified for the younger member of the team. How dare the man, Rapheal? He didn’t care, forcing Reid to choose who to die? That must be breaking his heart, and soul. The kid was so happy, always making jokes with the team, and always having his messenger bag with him. Speaking of, he walked to the opposite side of the room and picked it up, he had left it with them at the station, which was rare, but he was glad, because he was clutching it like it was Spencer himself.
JJ let out a gasp when Reid was picked up, he knew he was too thin but this was like the kid was the weight of a toddler with how easy he was picked up. Derek watched the color drain from Reid’s face, and he wondered what the hell happened to him, but he didn’t really want to know, he was afraid it would break him. Derek’s heart dropped a bit more when he was eventually dropped to the chair, and he noticed the zip tie around the younger mans wrist broke, and Rapheal didn’t notice. “Holy fucking shit.” He said without thinking, and pointed to his hands. They all felt hope, but they knew Spencer was in no position to fight back, they didn’t know how Spencer would get out if they didn’t find him.
When Reid listed a name to save, he felt so terrible, and guilty. He also was so angry with JJ for leaving Spencer alone. But he knew she was feeling really bad, by the way she puked earlier, and shook with tears next to him. Garcia typed the name into the computer, and gave a name and address. None of them wanted to leave, so they called her and sent cops to her location. When the camera flicked off, removing the access they had to Reid, he let out a frustrated yell, and he turned over a table. He was so fucking pissed.
***
Minor time skip
***
3:48am
***
Derek had gone outside to cool off, per Hotch’s request. It was cold out here, and it made him think of Spencer, cold in the place he was kept, they didn’t even know where that was. That made him laugh, he didn’t know why, he was terrified, he was absolutely terrified. He felt his stomach itch, so he itched it, but it didn’t go away, so he lifted his shirt, expecting a bug, he was surprised to find barely visible chicken scratch handwriting. Spencer's handwriting. It read a very limited location, but it also read his name. He sighed with relief, before running into the home, shirt still lifted. His team was shocked at the development, but they searched for grave sites in the area. “Uhm, guys there aren’t any.” Garcia said. Fuck. Maybe Reid got it wrong?
As they were speaking, Garcia's screen went out again, and filled with Reid. He looked worse, his face was stuffy, and tears fell down his cheeks. Shit. Had he been caught for the writing? Probably not, but the kids' hands were retied, hopefully it was that. Rapheal, he guessed again, entered the screen, a gun in hand.
“Oh no no no,” he whispered under his breath subconsciously, like the man could hear him. Rapheal stood above Spencer, pressing the gun against his forehead, and his voice cut through Garcia's computer. “There’s seven members on your team, choose one to die.” They all watched Spencer start freshly crying again, and he was slapped for it. “Boy, did I say you could cry?! I said choose, damnit!” Spencer let out a whimper. “No, no I won’t..” Derek let out a sigh, just pick one, Reid, please. Rapheal opened the gun, putting a single bullet in and spinning it, and placing it against Spencer's head again.
“Choose.” Spencer shook his head again, and the gun clicked, everyone in the room flinched, and so did Spencer. “Choose.” Rapheal said again, knowing this was torturing the kid. “No.” Spencer said, firmer. The gun clicked again, they again all flinched, and when Rapheal said “choose.” Again, Spencer did.
“I choose,, Aaron Hotchner. He’s a classic narcissist, he thinks he’s better than everyone on the team, Genesis 234, Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity, falseness, and futility, for these should be his recompense.” At Spencer’s words, Hotch walked out abruptly. Morgan followed after watching Rapheal shoot the wall above Spencer, and the kid flinching.
“I’m not a narcissist.” Hotch spoke, while reading what seemed to be the Bible. Morgan was so confused, but he didn’t question Hotch, because he knew the man had a point with this. Apparently Gideon wanted to question, because he said, “Oh come on, you can’t take anythin-“ He got cut off by Hotch. “No no that’s not what I’m talking about,” he looked almost giddy? “Stop stop, alright everybody right now, say my worst quality.” Uhm. What?! How was this any important to Reid? Nobody spoke up, so Hotch himself did.
“Okay I’ll start, I have no sense of humor.” Hah ain’t that the truth. JJ spoke up, calling him a bully, Hotch agreed with her. Then he spoke up and said “You can be a drill sergeant sometimes.” And he got an agreement from Hotch, again. What was the point in all this? Emily, very happily, added, “You don’t trust women as much as men.” Hotch gave a small head tilt in amusement with the eagerness of Emily, but went with it.
“Okay good, I’m all of these things but none of you said I put myself above the team, because I don’t, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew I’d remember that. And he also quoted Genesis chapter 234, here, read it.” He handed it to JJ, who read it out loud. It was almost completely different from what Reid quoted.
He knew the kid wouldn’t get it wrong, but why? “We already knew he was in a cemetery, why is he telling us again?” JJ asked, and Derek felt his face get hot. “Well, he didn’t really know his soulmate would respond.” That got weird looks. “Okay okay- when I was 16 I told him to never talk to me again, and he listened, but that probably gave him the idea I wouldn’t answer.” He got a glare from Penelope, and she handed him a glitter pen. “What?” He asked, and she looked like she thought he was dumb. “Talk to him! Rapheal isn’t here! You can always wash it off!” She whispered yelled, used to Reid’s sensory issues to loud noises.
Morgan shook his head in disbelief, but grabbed the pen and pushed up his sleeve, writing, “Hey, kid, It’s Derek, we’re trying to locate where you are. I know you can’t write back, but the camera is still on.” Onto his own skin, and he looked at the camera, watching the kid read it. There was a split second of relief before it went to minor panic, probably realizing who his soulmate was, like he had gone through a few moments earlier, but it went back to relief. “There’s a headstone, so cemetery, right?” Spencer’s voice was dry, and it made Derek’s heart sting. He was handed a wipe, where had they gotten this? He didn’t know, but he wiped the words off his arm, and they both wrote and talked back and forth for a good minute before Garcia got excited. “Okay okay, so according to this book that Tobias’s father wrote in, there's a shed that he owns, and I looked at his file and looked! I don’t know how I missed this!! Go look for our boy wonder!!”
The next few moments were chaos to Derek, his head spun as he rushed out the door, cold hitting his face harshly, but he brushed it off and headed into the closest car, getting in the driver's seat and turning on the car. Hotch sat in the passengers, reminding him to put on the seat belt, and they sped off. Derek didn’t turn on the lights, he knew that would put Spencer in more danger, so he must look insane going ten over the speed limit.
They pulled into a wooded area, Derek barely turned off the car and unbuckled before he was out, gun in hand, searching for a shed. Then, a gun went off. His heart sank, he felt like he was going to throw up. Hotch pushed in front of him, heading to the noise, Derek followed him, not matching his pace because he felt like he was walking through jello, his entire body stiff with fear.
***
Spencer watched the lifeless body that had tortured him for the last few days, gun warm in his hand. He fell, crawled near the body and took two vials from the man's pocket and stared at them, until he heard footsteps and rushed to put them in his pocket. He stood up, and nearly fell again with relief. Arms rushed around him, pulling the gun from his hand and throwing it in the other direction. His voice came out cracked as he said, “I knew you’d understand.” And then he just sobbed into his boss's shoulder. Aaron put a hand protectively around the boy, feeling Morgan rush up and check with his eyes if their boy was alright.
Spencer felt like he was dreaming, drugs coursed through his veins, he felt numb, and the almost dying he had just experienced in the shed made everything feel worse. He laid more tears into Aaron's shoulder, wetting the white work shirt that was missing the usual blazer. He coughed, and moved his hand to his mouth. He then noticed the red dots on Hotch’s shoulder. And then, he fainted.