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“Whoa, why is it so dark in here?” A small voice suddenly asked, breaking the silence.
“Power went out.” Grian answered, lighting the last candle. He was careful not to move from his position by the nightstand though, not until he knew exactly where Jimmy was. Thankfully, under the glow of the candle, Grian was able to make out the tiny figure by his feet. It seemed like Jimmy was unfurling his hook, about to use it to climb up the nightstand. Grian let out a little laugh at that before bending down and scooping Jimmy up in one hand.
“Wha-? Hey!” Jimmy yelled, squirming in Grian’s grip. He settled down quickly though, which told Grian everything was fine.
“Don’t want you falling cause you can’t see anything.” Grian reasoned, even though he would have picked Jimmy up regardless of if the power had gone out or not.
Jimmy huffed and crossed his arms. “I can see perfectly fine. I live in the walls, I’m used to the dark.”
“Yeah, but you don’t have to.” Grian said. “Live in the walls, I mean.” He heard Jimmy sigh.
“Grian, we’ve talked about this.” And they have, multiple times. Ever since Grian had met Jimmy, he was trying to convince him that he didn’t need to live in the walls anymore. And every time Jimmy gave reasons why he couldn’t. It was getting a bit tiring, if Grian was being honest.
Grian huffed. “Right, cause I’m a big scary human and it’s forbidden for little borrowers to even be seen by us. Let alone live with us.” Grian said, not hiding his frustrations as he, gently, bopped the top of Jimmy’s head.
“Grian…” Jimmy said, voice pained. Grian looked down at him and though it was hard to see his face in just the glow of the candle, Grian could still make out the small expression of fear that had appeared on Jimmy’s face at his tone. Grian sighed.
“Yeah, whatever. Just proving your point now, huh?” Grian placed Jimmy on the nightstand and then let himself fall into bed. He laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling, giving Jimmy his space.
“No, Grian, I-I’m not scared of you.” Jimmy stuttered out and Grian turned his head to the side and raised his eyebrow at him. Jimmy’s face flushed and he turned away. “I’m not… as scared of you.”
“There you go. No use lying to me or yourself really.” Grian said and then turned his head back toward the ceiling.
Jimmy groaned. “You can be so difficult sometimes.” Grian let out a laugh at that. “And it’s not about being scared or not anyway. I do trust you. I just…it's about my independence.”
“You can live with me out here and still be independent.” Grian tried to reason, looking back over at Jimmy. The borrower was now sitting on the edge of the nightstand, facing Grian.
“Not in the same way.” Jimmy said. Grian opened his mouth to argue but Jimmy beat him to it. “Independence means a different thing to us borrowers. We don’t…if I relied on you like that, I don’t even know if I could consider myself a borrower anymore.”
“Oh come on.” Grian said, suddenly sitting up. He turned his body toward Jimmy, who he now loomed over. Grian pushed back the guilt he felt when Jimmy flinched. “It wouldn’t be like that at all! You would still be you , you would just be able to actually live instead of survive .”
Jimmy winced. “I…”
“Maybe I really don’t understand borrowers very well after all.” Grian said. “Because it makes no sense that you would rather keep surviving like you do, in terrible conditions and always worrying about when you can eat next instead of living here with me, who you know is safe.”
“Grian--” Jimmy tried but Grian cut him off, looking him right in the eyes. The glow of the small candle flame casting shadows over both of their faces.
“I could keep you here, you know.” Grian said and Jimmy’s breath hitched.
“No, you…you wouldn’t…” Jimmy tried but was once again cut off by Grian.
“Wouldn’t I?” Grian reached down and wrapped a hand around Jimmy’s small body, lifting him off of the nightstand. Immediately, Jimmy started to squirm in his grasp, not knowing where this was going and scared because of that. Grian brought him to eye level. “If I thought things would be better off for you out here with me, I could really easily just…make you stay. Right? I mean, that’s the whole reason you aren’t supposed to reveal yourselves to humans in the first place.”
“Grian, please stop.” Jimmy said, trying his best to keep the fear out of his voice though he wasn’t doing a great job of that.
“I could even get you a little hamster cage to keep you in. Or would you prefer a fish tank? Either way, somewhere nice and secure to keep you to make sure you couldn’t run away back into the walls. Now I think that would--”
“Stop! Please, no, don’t, please…” Jimmy shouted and then trailed off into soft cries. His breathing was shaky at best as tears flowed freely down his cheeks.
Grian froze and finally really looked at Jimmy. He looked utterly terrified. More terrified than Grian had ever seen him, even when they had first met. Grian’s shoulders slumped as he realized he had gone too far.
Slowly, carefully, Grian lowered his hand back to the nightstand and released his grip. Jimmy crumpled to a heap as soon as he was free. Grian winced, guilt eating at him. “I-I’m sorry, I’m not…I’m not actually going to do any of that.”
Jimmy didn’t say anything.
“I’m…I’m gonna go grab you some water. Okay? Be right back.” Grian stood up and left for the kitchen. He grabbed a water bottle cap and carefully filled it with water before bringing it back to his room.
But when he got back, Jimmy was gone.
Grian took in a deep breath. He should have expected that. He had messed up big time. Of course Jimmy left.
And he probably wasn’t going to come back, either.
Grian groaned and ran a hand down his face. He was so stupid . Why did he have to say those things? Why did he have to scare Jimmy like that? He cared about the borrower, he would never take away his freedom like that. He just…wanted Jimmy to have a better life. And…maybe a selfish part of Grian wanted to see Jimmy more often too.
Though thanks to him, Grian was probably never going to see Jimmy again. Not that he could blame him.
Grian sat on his bed and placed the cap full of water on the nightstand. He sat there, staring at the flame of the candle just…thinking. Regretting.
And he was still there long past when the flame ran out.