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Buck is sitting on the bed in his childhood bedroom, trying very hard to take an actual breath. He hasn't been able to truly breathe since he stepped off the plane yesterday, even with Maddie and Jee-Yun to distract him. Maddie had been on edge too, but they'd promised their parents that they come home for their mother's birthday.
Right now Maddie is out with Jee, because the girl had had too much energy for Margaret to handle, so she had asked Maddie to take her out. So, here Buck is. He knows he is essentially hiding from his parents, but just the thought of being alone with them makes him nervous. He runs a hand over the comforter. It's the same one it was back when he lived here. As his fingers stroke the material he thinks about how he has never felt as comfortable here as he does at Eddie's. How he slept better the first night on Eddie's couch, before he felt like he was part of their family, before he knew that he always has a place at the Diaz house. He's never felt that comfortable and safe here.
The sound of the doorbell ringing pulls him from his thoughts, from missing Eddie. Which he has been doing since Eddie dropped them off at the airport. Eddie had hugged him so tightly for so long that Jee had actually walked up to them and started pulling at Buck's hoodie, telling him to move. Even as Buck turned around just before joining the line for security, Eddie was there, smiling reassuringly at him.
"Evan, can you get that?" his mother shouts from downstairs. Even though it sounds like a question, Buck knows it's not, so he gets to his feet and walks down the stairs. He has to give himself a mental shake to remind himself that he's not a child, that he doesn't live here anymore.
When Buck opens the front door his eyes goes wide. "What the fuck?"
"Hi," Eddie says brightly.
Buck just stays in the door, staring at his best friend. "What the actual fuck?"
Eddie's expression dims, his smile faltering a little. He looks down at his feet adjusting his duffle on his shoulder. "Maddie called me last night." Buck just stares at him, because it feels a little foolish to repeat himself again. Eddie looks up and takes a tentative step closer and Buck can actually feel himself relax a little. "She said you might need me."
"And you just got on a plane?" Without thinking about it Buck steps toward Eddie.
Eddie smiles more widely at him again, "Of course I did, Buck. I've got your back." With that Buck all but collapses into Eddie's arms, which wrap around him easily, holding him close.
Eddie doesn't let go, not until someone clears their throat behind him. "Eddieeee," Jee shouts and runs up to him. He scoops her up in his arms hugging her. Buck can't stop the fond smile from spreading on his face, not that he wants to, Eddie holding a kid, let alone one that Buck loves, is one of Buck's weak spots.
Maddie walks past Eddie and her daughter, placing a hand on Buck's shoulder. In a low voice she says, "I'll deal with mom and dad, you three just stay out here for a while." A sadness fills her eyes, pulling at her smile. "I don't want her hearing it."
Buck squeezes her fingers and whispers back, "Of course, Maddie, we've got her. Thank you." He doesn't even know how to say more than that, but Maddie understands, she just smiles at him and walks in, closing the door behind her. "Hey, Jee," Buck says getting both of their attention, "why don't you show Eddie what you showed me this morning?"
Jee-Yun nods excitedly and wiggles until Eddie sets her down on the ground. She runs out onto the grass, looking expectantly at the two men, so they follow her. Eddie joins him when Buck sits down on the ground, both watching her with their full attention. Well, Buck tries to give his full attention, but part of his mind is on Maddie in the house explaining the new arrival, another part is focused solely on the fact that Eddie had sat down close enough that his knee is pressing into the side of Buck's thigh.
"Okay, we're ready, sweetheart," Eddie says and Buck loves the encouragement he hears in Eddie's voice, loves it every time he gets to see Eddie in dad mode. Buck leans into him just a little, he feels Eddie shift, one of his hands coming to rest on the ground behind Buck, so it almost feels like he's putting it around Buck.
In front of them Jee furrows her brow in concentration and then does a pretty good cartwheel for a four year old. When she stands up she throws her hands in the air in triumph, Buck claps and Eddie cheers much to her delight. "Your turn, uncle Buck," she runs over and pulls at his hand.
When he looks down at Eddie, he's smiling up at him with a bit of a challenge in his eye. Buck rolls his eyes and turns to his niece, "Go sit with Eddie." Then for dramatic effect and to make her laugh, which she does, "I need my space." Jee is still laughing when she dumps herself in Eddie's lap.
Buck shakes his arms, internally regretting showing her this morning. It's at times like that Buck becomes painfully aware that he is on the other side of thirty. He rolls his shoulders once and then lifts his arms over his head and leans back, giving himself a little run up. Eddie is whistling, Jee clapping and cheering when the world is right side up again.
"Do you have any tricks you'd like to share?" Buck says, dropping down to a crouch.
Eddie's just opened his mouth, when the front door opens and Margaret comes out. The smile on her face is strained, but her voice is steady and polite when she turns to Eddie, "Good to see you again, Eddie. We'll find a mattress to put in Evan's room for you." Buck can tell that this was not what she had planned. No, this is something that Maddie had insisted on. Buck gives her a grateful look over their mother's shoulder.
"Thank you, Mrs. Buckley," Eddie says, and it's only because Buck knows every single one of his tones that he hears the anger, hidden under his words. Margaret just nods and walks back into the house.
"Buck, I could use a hand in the kitchen," Maddie says over her shoulder as she walks in too. Then she adds, "Eddie, you can entertain Jee-Yun." Buck laughs at Eddie indignant expression, which disappears that the moment Jee looks at him.
In the kitchen Buck bumps Maddie with his hip and says, "Thank you."
She smiles her eyes still on the pan in front of her, "I felt like it was a good idea to have him in your room, thought you'd prefer it. Both of you." There's a hint of something in her voice, Buck chooses to ignore. It's not the first time she has indicated that there's something between him and Eddie.
"Yeah, well just thanks."
And with that they just prepare dinner, which Buck only gets through because he has Eddie's knee pressed against his own the whole time. But it's not just that, because every now and then Eddie will bump their elbows, or brush his hand against the back of Buck's or linger when they pass plates back and forth. Buck didn't even really notice when his mother made a comment about how he'd let his curls show a little more than normal, because Eddie had placed his hand on Buck's thigh under the table, just running his thumb back and forth.
Buck's still smiling about it, when Eddie walks into his room later that night, dumping his toiletries in his duffle. Eddie looks around the room, taking it in, not paying attention to the fact that Buck is watching him as he does. He turns and leans against the desk, when Margaret walks in with a pillow and a duvet in her arms. She places them on the mattress on the floor and walks out without a word.
Once the door is closed behind her Eddie starts laughing. "What?" Buck asks, laughing a little too, despite not knowing why Eddie is.
"Sorry," Eddie sits down next to Buck on the bed, still laughing softly, "it just feels so weird, kinda like when you'd stay at your girlfriend's for the first time as a teen and her parents would insist that you sleep on the floor so there'd be no funny business."
Buck flushes, because not only is it kind of true, but also because, maybe without meaning to, Eddie makes it sound like that is what this is. Scratching the back of his neck, Buck says, "Honestly, I think it kinda is that." His hand drops to his chest, because it suddenly becomes harder to breathe again. Eddie's stopped laughing and turns to Buck, his knee pressing into his thigh.
He takes the hand closest to him and places it on his chest, so Buck can feel it, as Eddie starts taking deep breaths. "It's okay, Buck. Breathe with me, okay?" Buck tries and it helps when Eddie places his free hand over the one on Buck's chest. They just sit there, breathing together, staring at each other. "That's it," Eddie whispers when Buck's breathing normally again. Then he pulls Buck into his arms and hugs him tight. Buck buries his face in the crook of Eddie's neck, taking deep breaths and letting all of Eddie envelope him. "You know what?"
"What?" Buck mumbles into Eddie's skin.
Eddie pulls back enough that Buck has to look at him, his hands now on Eddie's hips rather than around his back. "We're not kids. I'll stay right here, if you want," Eddie says it like he already knows the answer. And he sort of does, because Buck hasn't even really been sleeping on Eddie's couch that often lately. For a while after the strike Eddie had insisted that Buck sleep in his bed with him. Buck thinks it was just as much for Eddie's sake as for his own. But after that Buck just sort of never really went back to the couch. So, Buck just nods.
Eddie must be able to see Buck's smile in the dark once they are settled under the covers, because he asks, "What?"
"You'll think it's stupid."
"Maybe," a hand finds Buck's chest in the dark, lying flat over his heart, which is a traitorous little bastard, because it speeds up. "But tell me anyway."
Buck moves his hand up, interlacing his fingers with Eddie's. "Sixteen year old me would never have dared to dream about this."
"What? Having a handsome guy in his bed?" Eddie jokes. Buck can hear the wink, even if he can't see it.
His voice comes out in a whisper, "Yeah, he never would have dreamed it would happen here." Eddie stills, his fingers tensing around Buck's.
Then Eddie shuffles closer so he can press his forehead to Buck's, his nose bumping into Buck's as he speaks, "I'm sorry, Buck."
"It's okay-"
"No, it's not," Eddie says it with such conviction that Buck just shuts up. Neither of them speak for a long time. "So, you think I'm handsome," Eddie half sounds like he's teasing, half like he's actually wondering.
Buck wants to tease back, wants to keep the tone light and joking, but he can't... he just can't. He feels braver in the dark, feels so safe with Eddie like this, the words just leave him without permission, "Of course I think you're handsome, Eds. If I would have let myself dream about having a guy in my bed at sixteen..." Buck lets out a huff of air that should have been a laugh, but never quite makes it, "Eddie, you would have surpassed any dream."
"I did dream," Eddie whisper into the air between them, the space so little that Buck can feel the air that follows the words on his lips. "I did dream. But you, Buck? Somehow you've never felt like a dream come true," the words would sting a lot more, if it weren't for the fact that Eddie has moved even closer, tangling their legs together, "because you didn't walk into my life and just magically fit. No, you worked for it, you showed up. You were there when I needed you. Honestly, it was never magic, because it felt so normal, so natural that I didn't even realise, until I thought I didn't get to have it anymore." They both shiver at the memories of every time they almost lost each other. After a deep breath Eddie goes on, "Do you remember when Ravi asked if that wasn't all we want in a partner, someone to have our back?"
"Yeah, I do." Of course he does, because the only thing he could think about in that moment was Eddie, even if he hadn't really let himself acknowledge it.
Eddie's hand settles on Buck's side, his fingers sliding into place between Buck's ribs. "That is all I have ever wanted in a partner and I have that in you. So, yeah you're not a dream waiting to come true for me, Buck. You're reality, plain and simple." That's when Buck tilts his head, pressing his lips to Eddie's. Eddie, who wraps an arm around him and pulls him closer, so they are pressed together everywhere they can be.
The feel of Eddie's lips on his is the best feeling Buck has ever known. And to have it happen here, in a place where he has never truly felt loved by anyone but Maddie... it's heaven. Which is why he protests a little when Eddie pulls back, because Buck was not done yet. Eddie must understand the noises he makes, because he gives him one more kiss and says, "We have time."
That's how they fall asleep, wrapped around each other, so close that even the smallest movement brings their lips together. Buck's not sure he dreams it or if he actually hears it, but just before he disappears into oblivion Eddie mumbles, "I love you, baby."