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Buck is humming to himself as he checks on the cookies in the oven. They are almost done and the entire kitchen smells wonderful. It's just chocolate chip and Buck's mouth waters just as he hears the front door open. He can hear Eddie toeing off his shoes in the hall, so he turns and starts preparing a cup of tea. It's what he does, when Eddie comes home from therapy, even if the man always insists he doesn't need it.
The timer goes off just as Eddie steps into the kitchen, so Buck doesn't see the look on his face, too busy taking the cookies out, trying not to burn himself. He sets the plate down and turns with a smile on his face, which falls when he finally looks at Eddie.
Eddie's eyes are on his hands, which are trembling on the kitchen island. His shoulders are hunched so much that he looks absolutely tiny. Tears are falling down his cheeks, but he doesn't seem to notice. The whole image breaks Buck's heart and makes his voice come out a lot softer than he'd planned when he first turned, "Eddie, are you okay?"
Eddie looks up at him and just breaks Buck's heart even more. He doesn't even look sad. No, he just looks tired, empty, like he doesn't have anything more to give. "Ye- no, not really." He even sounds tired. More tears fall, but still he doesn't wipe them away.
Buck rounds the island and wraps Eddie in his arms on instinct. "Oh, Eddie." Hands land on Buck's lower back, just a barely there touch. They just stay there for a while, Eddie only just holding on as Buck scratches at the nape of his neck. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really, man." Eddie mumbles into the fabric of Buck's t-shirt, where he's buried his face.
Buck rests his head on top of Eddie's, hair tickling his nose. "Okay, that's okay. I have tea and fresh cookies. So, what do you say to that and some telenovela I have no chance of understanding?" The smallest laugh Buck has ever heard reverberates into his chest. When Buck pulls back there is a slight pull at the corner of Eddie's lips.
"Yeah, sounds nice."
Buck wipes away the new tears and smiles, because how could he not smile at Eddie. "Okay, you go fix the tv and I'll get the rest. Sounds good?" Eddie nods and squeezes Buck's shoulder softly as he passes.
Buck puts the cookies on a plate and grabs the still steaming mug of tea. In the living room Eddie is sitting in the corner of the couch, his knees pulled to his chest. He takes the mug from Buck, but just follows the plate of cookies as Buck sets them on the table. Buck's barely settled on the couch, before Eddie puts the tea down untouched and tips himself over, so his head lands in Buck's lap. Buck pulls a blanket from the back of the couch and puts it over Eddie's form. Absent-mindedly Buck starts carding his fingers through Eddie's hair and grabs a cookie.
Eddie turns his head and looks up at Buck, who immediatly meets his gaze and smiles at him. "Is it good?" Eddie nods at the chocolate chip inbetween Buck's teeth. He bites of a piece and chews, nodding and humming in response. Buck might be new to baking, but damn these are good. "Can I have a piece?"
"Don't want a whole one?" Buck asks after he's swallowed.
Eddie shakes his head, then readjusts his head in Buck's lap. "Can't eat a whole one, just want a taste." Smiling down at him softly, Buck strokes his thumb over Eddie's forehead and then nods. He breaks off a piece and puts it in Eddie's open mouth and licks off the crumbs left on his fingers. Eddie smiles up at him softly, his eyes starting to take longer to blink open again. "They are really good, Buck. Thanks."
"Anything, Eds, you know that." Buck starts running his fingers through Eddie's hair again, watching his eyelids droop. "Get some rest, sweetheart." The endearment comes out before Buck can stop himself, but Eddie's eyes are closed, his body already getting heavy. So, Buck just keeps up his ministrations and takes Eddie's abandoned tea, letting Eddie sleep.
Sometime later Buck wakes up with his neck aching from having been bent forward. Eddie's gone, but there's a note on the table.
I'm outside, when you wake up
- E
So, Buck stretches and rubs his neck as he gets up. The terrace door is ajar and Buck can just see Eddie on the porch swing with the blanket wrapped around him. "Hey," Buck says quietly as not to scare Eddie.
"Hi," Eddie says, smiling softly up at Buck, who steps closer. When he's close enough, Eddie reaches out and pulls him onto the swing, where Buck settles between Eddie's legs. Eddie pulls him back into his chest and wraps both his arms and the blanket around Buck.
With the foot Eddie has on the ground he starts rocking the swing back and forth ever so slightly. "How you feeling, Eds?"
"Better," Eddie sighs, the weight of his head making its presence known on top of Buck's. "I'm sorry."
"Why are you saying sorry, Eds?"
Eddie lets out a humorless laugh, "Because I'm a mess... and I'm letting you deal with it, making you deal with it."
It breaks Buck's heart a little, because if there is one Eddie will never be to Buck, it's a burden. Eddie has never, will never, could never be a burden, not for Buck. And even if he was, it would be a burden that Buck would happily carry. They might not be partners in every way that Buck wishes they were, but that doesn't change anything for him. Buck simply loves Eddie too much.
He can't tell him that though, so instead he says, "I let you deal with me and my mess every day." He can feel Eddie's protest before it passes his lips, so Buck just snuggles in closer to Eddie, letting his eyes fall closed as he drops his head on Eddie's shoulder. "Don't even try and protest. We're partners, you got my back any day," Buck smiles a little at the memory, which somehow feels like a lifetime ago and like it was yesterday, "and I've got yours."
Buck has to hold back a shiver as he feels Eddie turns his head and buries his nose in Buck's curls. "Partners," Eddie whispers just loud enough for Buck to hear. Sitting like this, Buck lets himself pretend Eddie means it the way Buck wants him to. "You really aren't going to leave, are you?"
"Never," Buck says on a soft chuckle, "not unless you tell me too."
Somehow Buck freezes and melts at the same time, because he could have sworn he felt the press of Eddie's lips in his hair. "And even then you'd fight me, because you'd know I didn't actually want you to leave." Buck turns his head so fast that Eddie doesn't have a chance to pull back. Which means they are now nose to nose. Eddie looks so adorable with how he goes a little cross eyed, trying to keep looking Buck in his. "I hate when you leave," it's so quiet and yet it takes Buck's breath away, flips his whole world upside down, but still as unbelievable as it feel, Buck knows not even that deep down just how true it is.
Because he's seen it. Seen it in the way Eddie lingers in the doorway, when he waves Buck off, the way Buck can see him in the rear view mirror, until he can't see the house anymore. He's seen it in the way Eddie hesitates on calls, when they have to split up, even if it's only for a second. But mostly Buck's seen it in the way tension leaves Eddie, when he spots Buck in a room, the way he seems to breathe more easily, when he presses his knee against Buck on the couch, in the fire truck, under the dinner table, the way he holds Buck a little longer than you'd normally do with your best friend.
All of this is probably why Buck forgets himself for a second, forgets what they are and aren't to each other, because he doesn't even think about it, when he leans in and places a feather light kiss on Eddie's just parted lips.
Panic sets in, when he pulls back though, because why the fuck did he just do that, what the holy hell was he thinking. He starts stammering an apology, but he can't really get the words out. That is partly because he doesn't even know where to start, but mainly... it's because he doesn't get the chance to move his lips.
Well that might not be entirely true, because they are moving. It's just that they are moving on instinct, because Eddie is pressing his lips to Buck's. Buck, who can't tell you if the kiss lasts seconds, minutes, hours or years, because all that is happening in his brain is Eddie Eddie Eddie and screaming, because well... Eddie is kissing him, he's kissing Eddie.
Buck just blinks stupidly at Eddie, when the man pulls back and then proceeds to lick his lips, because of course he does. "Was that okay?" Eddie sounds so tentative and worried, as if Buck wasn't the one who kissed him first. "Buck?" he says, when Buck doesn't answer, just continueing to stare at him.
A noise, Buck did not know he could make, punches out of him. It's a mix between a whine, a groan and a whimper, which to Buck's ears is just an insanely pathetic sound. But Eddie smiles, reaches up and cups the side of Buck's face, his thumb stroking up and down Buck's cheekbone. He couldn't stop the words even if he tried, they just fall out of him like they have been trying to escape for so long and finally found a crack to squeeze through, "I love you."
Eddie inhales sharply and doesn't let it back out. He just stares at Buck, wide-eyed and unblinking. When he eventually lets it out, it's shaky and stuttering, like he can't quite get his lungs to work. There are tears in his eyes too, but they are so different from any other tears Buck has ever seen in them. A smile starts pulling at his lips, crinkling the corners of his eyes. Buck might have thought he'd seen Eddie at his most beautiful, but this... this is boardering on divine.
Eddie's lips meet Buck's again, just as soft, just as gently. He uses the hand on Buck's face to tip his head back, so he can kiss him more easily. "I love you," he whispers against Buck's lips and it's the most perfect thing Buck has ever felt. Tears from both of them mix on their cheeks, their lips. They leave them be, when Eddie pulls back, his chest heaving against Buck's back.
"No, Eddie," Buck says, nosing at the side of Eddie's neck.
Eddie pulls Buck tighter into his arms, even though there isn't much space left to begin with. "No, what?"
Buck places a lingering kiss on Eddie's neck, right where he can feel his pulse speeding up under his lips. "No, Eddie, I'd never leave." Eddie's fingers find their way to Buck's hair and pulls gently, but hard enough that Buck follows and looks up, meeting Eddie's gaze. "Even if this," Buck kisses him quickly, just because he can, "doesn't work. You know why? Because you are my best friend and I cannot, will not go through life without you by my side."
"Then I guess it's a good thing I don't intend to let you go, baby." The way Eddie says it, makes Buck shiver and this time he doesn't hold it back. He just lets it pass through him and leans in to kiss the man he loves again.
After a long while of just sitting in Eddie's arms in silence, Buck almost dozes off. He feels so comfortable with Eddie pressed against his back, his arms around him. Buck already knew that home was not just a place, but that home can just as easily be people, but it has never felt as true as it does right now. "Was it real?"
Buck keeps his eyes closed, as he answers, "Was what real?"
Eddie kisses the shell of Buck's ear and leaves his lips there, so Buck feels the words just as much as he hears them, "You calling me sweetheart."
A flush spreads over Buck's entire face, so deep and warms he'd bet Eddie can feel the heat of it radiating off of him. "Yeah, I kinda let that one slip."
"I liked it," Eddie whispers low in Buck's ear, and Buck isn't sure his heart can take anymore of this. Because if Eddie likes being called sweetheart that means Buck can finally put his repertoire of pet names to use.
He laughs a little, because, "You are so gonna hate yourself for telling me that, sweetheart."
"Oh yeah, why?" Eddie is laughing too.
"Because I am going to figure out every single one you like, and I will never let it go."
Eddie groans, but Buck can still hear the smile in it. "Why did I fall in love with you again?"
Buck turns his head and captures Eddie's lips with his own, taking his time to kiss Eddie soft and slow. "No idea," Buck says when he pulls back just enough to breathe, "but I'll make it worth your while."
Eddie rubs the tip of his nose against Buck's and says with so much conviction Buck doesn't know what to do with it, "I don't doubt it, baby. Not even for a second." And then he kisses Buck again in a way that would make Buck's knees give out, if he was standing.