Chapter Text
But we loved with a love that was more than love—
I and my Annabel Lee—
With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven
Coveted her and me.
–Edgar Allan Poe, “Annabel Lee”
***
“Lan-er-gongzi,” Wen Xu said, and he bowed very low. There was a smirk in his voice.
Lan Wangji tightened his grip on his brother’s arm. He already resented this—the indignity of needing an escort. He’d presented as an omega a year ago, at seventeen. A little older than most. That meant he’d be a beta, people had said. He already acted the perfect beta—unemotional and hardworking–the perfect helpmate for his brother, people said.
“Lan betas can marry an omega, even if it’s not as common,” Lan Xichen had told him once, with a mischievous smile.
It was during the classes at the Cloud Recesses, when Lan Wangji was fifteen–one of the few still unpresented. It would be any day now, everyone reassured him. Nothing to be afraid of, the presentation for a beta, just the subtle shift of pheromones from the undifferentiated odor of a child to that of an adult. Nothing sudden and messy. Not like it was for omegas and alphas.
Others had seen Lan Wangji’s glares at the Jiang sect’s first disciple and interpreted them as hatred for the loud, undisciplined omega. Lan Xichen had seen something else.
Lan Wangji had stalked off without making a reply.
But he had thought of it. Not often–he tried to stave it off with meditation, tried to focus on his studies. Some late nights he was tired though, and feeling particularly lonely and pathetic. Then he would picture himself coming home not to an empty room, but to a room full of Wei Wuxian. Because any room that contained Wei Wuxian was full. Of what it would be like, to have all that attention on him, all the time.
Sometimes he pictured other things–Wei Wuxian under him, the sounds he would make, maybe.
He hadn’t considered his own orientation in these fantasies. But Wei Wuxian was an omega, so Lan Wangji pictured himself as an alpha most times. Alphas and omegas–that was the way it was supposed to be. He liked the idea of his teeth marks scarring Wei Wuxian’s neck–the permanency, the possession. Otherwise he hadn’t given much thought to his orientation.
Before Lan Xichen had presented, he had worried about it constantly. So had Lan Qiren and the elders. They’d thought Lan Xichen was going to be an omega.
He was too kind, they had said. Too nurturing of his little brother.
“At least you don’t have to worry about that one,” an elder had remarked with relief, looking at Lan Wangji, “He’ll be an alpha for sure.”
Lan Wangji had always been tall for his age, and strong and unyielding. This had been before he’d learned that anyone could be alpha, beta, or omega. Orientation had no bearing on personality, if you weren’t forced into a narrow role. He’d been a child. They’d said he’d be an alpha and he’d believed them.
Everyone had been relieved, when Lan Xichen’s pheromones kicked in at thirteen. Lans let omegas train and night hunt like any other gender. That wasn’t common in the other sects. But the sect leader couldn’t be one–couldn’t get the respect they needed from the outside world. The right beta might do fine, but an alpha was best.
“An heir and a spare,” is what some crudely said, of how sect leaders always needed at least two children.
Only the Jin had stuck with one. In cruder pubs (outside of Lanling) it was joked that Madame Jin could only stand to lie with Jin Guangshan once.
Best for the first child to be an alpha, of course. Then a beta or an omega were either just as good. A beta for a loyal second in command. Or an omega to give in marriage for political alliance. Two alphas could be tricky, sometimes. They might find it hard to get along. But the Lan didn’t worry about that with Lan Wangji. Even as a child, he was remarkably disciplined. But Lan Xichen was a clear choice for sect leader, with his smiles and his easy way with people.
“He must be a beta then,” the elders had said, as Lan Wangji had turned fifteen and then sixteen with no sign of pheromones. “See how hardworking he is, how unemotional.”
So he hadn’t expected it when, three days after he turned seventeen, he awoke with slick between his thighs. It took a minute to realize what it meant, and only then did he feel the drop in his stomach.
Wei Ying, he’d thought, and grieved.
The Wen discussion conference was Lan Wangji’s first cultivation world event since, and he hated it every bit as much as he’d expected. At least, as a Lan, he could still wear his normal robes and carry his sword.
Outsiders often considered Lan omegas to be unmarriageable. They were too rough–allowed to night hunt and spar with alphas. Some parents pulled their children out of training if they presented as an omega–to safeguard the perception of their chastity and domesticity.
By the time Lan Wangji was sixteen, he had already been leading night hunts on his own. No one dared suggest to his face that he stop. If Lan Xichen had heard any such suggestions, he’d clearly shut them down.
Lan Wangji did not care that he wasn’t marriageable. He still wanted Wei Wuxian, even though he could no longer make Wei Wuxian a reputable offer. If he couldn’t have Wei Wuxian, he didn’t want anyone at all.
But people were looking at him differently at this discussion conference, and he didn’t care for it one bit.
Wen Xu was definitely the worst.
Lan Wangji had responded to Wen Xu’s greeting with a silence that bordered on rudeness. Unfortunately Wen Xu did not seem put off.
At the banquet dinner the first night, he proposed a toast, “To Lan Wangji, the most beautiful omega in the cultivation world.”
It was an effort to stay quiet and seated, his hands fisted in his robes. Such a toast was inappropriate, with no understanding between the two. It was a boldness only the Wen could get away with.
Lan Wangji looked over at Wei Wuxian. For once, he was silent, looking back at Lan Wangji with wide eyes. He only looked away when his beta sister, Jiang Yanli, whispered something into his ear.
Later, once dinner was over and the guests mingled freely, Wei Wuxian came over on the arm of Jiang Yanli.
“Lan Zhan,” he said, “Come to my rooms! We gotta talk omega things.”
Lan Wangji wasn’t sure what that meant exactly, but this was the first time he had seen Wei Wuxian in two and a half years, and he wasn’t going to pass it up. Lan Xichen gave him a subtle nod of approval.
Jiang Yanli sighed–though it sounded fond–and chided Wei Wuxian, “Just don’t go wandering around this time. Even with Lan-er-gongzi, it’s a bit scandalous.”
“Yes, shijie,” Wei Wuxian said contritely. Lan Wangji suspected the contrition was feigned.
Lan Wangji half-expected Wei Ying to immediately try to bring him into some sort of ill-considered adventure, but instead he really did lead him to his rooms.
“It’s been so long, Lan Zhan!” Wei Ying said happily, “No one thought you’d be an omega! But this is nice–we can still hang out without pesky chaperones!”
“Mn,” said Lan Wangji. He wondered how Wei Ying had so instantly and expertly hit on his sore point. Though Lan Wangji was also happy to be unchaperoned, he wished Wei Wuxian was happy for the same reasons rather than his general disrespect for authority.
Wei Ying continued on, seemingly unaware of the turmoil he’d sparked in his companion, “Ah–even in your Lan mourning robes you’re too beautiful. It’s just not fair. How are the rest of us supposed to marry when everyone is looking at you?”
Lan Wangji’s gaze darkened, “Not true,” he said, and nothing more.
He knew Wei Wuxian saw it as harmless fun. He teased and flirted with everyone. But it still affected Lan Wangji, even if he didn’t let it show.
“You don’t know the effect you have on people,” Wei Ying said, now more serious for some reason. “Wen Xu seems quite taken with you.”
Lan Wangji huffed, “Wen Xu is lecherous and unrighteous. I would never marry him.”
Wei Ying smirked, “Ah, your standards must be so high though, who would you marry? Is there a nice, quiet, disciplined alpha of the Lan sect waiting for you?”
“No,” Lan Wangji said with a scowl.
“Alright, alright,” Wei Ying replied, “But I really am afraid that Wen Xu does have intentions.”
Lan Wangji thought back on the man’s vapid compliments. He’d never been very talented at reading other people, but it was possible it meant something.
“Perhaps,” he allowed.
Wei Ying nodded.
“But Elder Brother would never allow it,” Lan Wangji continued.
Wei Ying made a noise that expressed sympathy but not quite agreement, “Maybe, but it would be unfortunate to turn down an offer from the Wen.”
Lan Wangji thought of that–the growing number of small sects under Wen influence, their increasing boldness at discussion conferences—and a pit formed in his stomach.
As Wei Ying said, it would be unfortunate to refuse an offer from the Wens.
His brother would still do it; he was sure. Lan Xichen would never allow him to be married off to
someone like Wen Xu. To a sect like the Wen sect, where he would be expected not to night hunt, but to stay home and bear children.
There would be a cost, though, for that refusal.
“Better if he never makes an offer at all, right?” Wei Wuxian’s mirth had returned.
“How?” Lan Wangji asked, intent but frustrated. “I have never spoken to him. And I cannot be more rude than I have without betraying our precepts.”
Wei Ying sighed in an affected manner, “I guess it is not your fault that you’re so beautiful that men fall at your feet without you even opening your mouth. I don’t suppose we can make him doubt your chasteness?” Wei Ying answered his own question before Lan Wangji could object, “No, no. You are too much the perfect Lan to ever be suspected unless you were caught in the act. And too much of a Lan to agree to that!”
“Indeed,” Lan Wangji said sharply.
“Don’t worry! Don’t worry. Just talking through the problem. It’s clear what we have to do, and the best part is that you don’t have to do anything at all.”
Wei Ying dared to try to pat Lan Wangji’s head. Lan Wangji grabbed his wrist and stepped aside.
“Ah, so distant, even when I’m helping you! But don’t worry Lan Zhan. I’ll fix this for you.”
Lan Wangji wished he could feel more reassured. “Wei Ying, what are you planning?”
Wei Wuxian tapped his nose. “Don’t you trust me, your friend? This will all go better if you know a little less.”
Lan Wangji was silent for a long moment, his suspicion warring with his love. But he knew Wei Wuxian genuinely wished to help. “I trust you. Be careful.”
“Ha!” said Wei Wuxian. “So you do admit we’re friends!”
***
The next day it became immediately obvious why Wei Wuxian didn’t want to share his plans. Lan Wangji wished he’d asked more questions.
“Wen-gege,” Wei Wuxian simpered, in a tone of voice Lan Wangji had never heard him use before, “Your sword looks so powerful. I’m sure it’s so heavy I could never lift it.”
Wen Xu looked Wei Wuxian up and down, and seemed to like what he saw. “Of course not,” he said, with a bit of a patronizing laugh. “But I’m sure you have other skills.”
“Of course,” Wei Wuxian agreed, “I’ve been told my paintings are quite good.”
“I’m sure you make quite the picture,” and Wen Xu dared to lift a hand and touch Wei Wuxian’s cheek.
“Stop staring,” Lan Xichen whispered in his ear, “You’re making a scene.”
With a force of will, Lan Wangji wrenched his gaze away. In another situation he would be raging with jealousy–what wouldn’t he do to be the recipient of such outrageous, intentional flirting. But this wasn’t how he wanted Wei Wuxian–flattering and affected. He wanted Wei Wuxian as he was, loud and unashamed, deferring to no one.
So instead, Lan Wangji was merely consumed with rage. That Wei Wuxian thought Lan Wangji would want this. And moreso, that Wen Xu dared to touch Wei Wuxian. Lan Wangji should cut off his hand for the offense.
“What are you doing,” Lan Wangji hissed later, when he got Wei Wuxian alone.
“Being a distraction!” he said brightly, “I might not have your looks but everyone loves to be flattered. If I hang around enough, Wen Xu won’t have any time to look at you. Just stay quiet and keep glaring like that, and Wen Xu will think that I’d be a much more fun spouse.”
Lan Wangji pursed his lips.
“Ah–don’t be like that,” Wei Wuxian said placatingly, “I know you’d be the best husband. But Wen Xu isn’t as smart as me.”
That actually did spark a warm feeling in Lan Wangji’s gut. But it didn’t address his main concern, “How is it any better if Wen Xu decides he wants to marry you?”
What fool, Lan Wangji wondered, wouldn’t marry Wei Wuxian if they had the chance.
Wei Wuxian just laughed.
“Even though I’m the first disciple of the Jiang, and a genius, I’m still only the son of a servant. Wen Rouhan would never allow such a match for his precious first son. Besides, if he gets too invested, I can just be really annoying. It’s a talent.”
“Shameless,” Lan Wangji replied.
Wei Wuxian looked pleased.
***
Lan Wangji woke in the middle of the night. This in itself was unusual. He slept at hai shi and woke at mao shi and was aware of little in between.
There was a rustling in front of him, by the door. He tensed his muscles carefully in case he had to spring up suddenly.
“Lan Zhan,” hissed a voice from the darkness.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji replied, baffled, “What are you doing?”
“I’m going night hunting,” he whispered–rather loudly.
“You can’t go night hunting. It’s the discussion conference.”
Wei Wuxian’s robes rustled as if he made a hand gesture that was invisible in the darkness. “No one cares what I do besides my siblings, and I’ll leave them a note. Madame Yu will be relieved to not see me for a couple of days.”
“What about Wen Xu?” Lan Wangji asked, feeling petty but also a little betrayed.
“It’s handled,” Wei Wuxian replied in a tone that didn’t allow for questions.
Later, Lan Wangji would wish he’d asked more questions. He’d wish he’d thought more about how odd it was, Wei Wuxian leaving like that in the middle of the night. He’d wish he’d asked more questions about what Wei Wuxian planned to do about Wen Xu.
But he didn’t. He had been tired. It had been the middle of the night. But most of all, he hadn’t asked more because he was in love with Wei Wuxian and that made him his blind spot. ‘Attempt the impossible’ was the Jiang clan motto, but to Lan Wangji, everything about Wei Wuxian was already impossible.
On one hand, Lan Wangji knew that the studied carelessness was just an act, so that no one thought Wei Wuxian could be hurt. On the other hand, part of Lan Wangji really believed that Wei Wuxian was magic–he couldn’t be touched. So when he said Wen Xu was handled, Lan Wangji believed him and didn’t worry about what it would cost.
It was only the next morning when he realized what it was that Wei Wuxian had done.
“It is unfortunate my sons cannot join us today,” said Wen Rouhan from his throne. “They left last night with other sect disciples on urgent business.”
There was mumbling in the audience.
“Sect Leader Wen,” Sect Leader Yao said, bowing, “What urgent business could have drawn them away at such a time?”
“There are signs of a waterborne abyss,” Wen Rouhan replied, and everyone hummed in agreement. That was an urgent night hunt indeed.
As for Lan Wangji, a horrible pit had opened in his stomach. Because Wei Wuxian had gone night hunting–unchaperoned–with Wen Chao and Wen Xu.
He could not see this ending well, and there were so many ways it could end badly.
Jiang Cheng stalked up to him later and asked in a harsh tone, “Where's Wei Wuxian?”
“I do not know,” said Lan Wangji. He had never liked Jiang Cheng, but in this case he was ashamed to stand before him. “He only said he was night hunting.”
Jiang Cheng snapped, “Looks like you’re not much use. I can’t believe he went night hunting with the Wen alphas. Doesn’t he know what Madame Yu will do to him when she finds out? If this gets out it will ruin his reputation.”
“I should have stopped him,” Lan Wangji replied stiffly. Though he wondered too, if that was the point. Wei Wuxian had often said he never wished to marry. Maybe he hoped rumors of unchasteness would ruin any potential matches.
Jiang Cheng scoffed. “As if anyone can stop Wei Wuxian from doing exactly what he intends to.”
***
It was four days until the night hunting party returned—the morning of the last day of the conference.
Lan Wangji resented that. He already had so little time with Wei Wuxian. Seven days could never be enough. And now it would be far fewer.
Wen Chao stalked into the main hall, two Wen disciples behind him, supporting a third between them. Trailing in last of all, came Wen Zhuliu.
“A physician, someone send for a physician,” called one of the disciples, and there was a bustling as it was done.
As for Lan Wangji, all he felt was cold.
Where was Wei Wuxian?
“Report,” snapped Wen Rouhan, even as his son knelt on the floor and bowed with his forehead all the way to the ground.
“Father,” said Wen Chao, “I could not protect my brother Wen Xu, though I did avenge him.”
“The waterborn abyss?” Wen Rouhan asked. The only sign of emotion on his face was the tightening of his fingers around the arm of his throne.
“No,” Wen Chao said, “We sent it safely downstream”—at this Lan Xichen twitched, though he quickly suppressed it—“It was that dog-fucker Wei Wuxian. He killed my brother in his bed as he slept, and then many of the disciples as we fought to capture him. But I’ve avenged Elder Brother. When we chased him down in Yunmeng, Wen Zhuliu ripped his core from his chest and then we threw him into the Burial Mounds. They say when the resentful ghosts rip into you, you die ten thousand deaths before your soul is finally ripped apart, never to be reincarnated.”
***
Lan Xichen knew his brother like no one else did. When Wei Wuxian first came to the Cloud Recesses, Lan Xichen knew to look past his brother’s disapproval, to the way his eyes tracked the other boy’s every movement.
He had rather liked Wei Wuxian. The boy was often wayward and undisciplined but never ill-intentioned. His little brother could do much worse. He didn’t know if his brother’s feelings were returned, but rarely had he seen someone so desperate for Lan Wangji’s attention. And there was time.
When Lan Wangji presented as an omega, Lan Xichen wondered if those feelings would go away.
But he’d seen his brother at the discussion conference watching Wei Wuxian. It was the same way he had before, except now there was even more longing, even more fire.
Two omegas together was strange to him, not something he’d seen. But he loved his brother and he wanted him to be happy. He vowed to himself that he’d find a way so Lan Wangji could have his Wei Wuxian.
Lan Xichen was worried too. He did not like the way Wen Xu looked at his brother. It made a chill run up his spine.
He saw his brother’s pursed lips as Wei Wuxian flirted outrageously with the Wen heir, and sighed. He was sure it meant nothing to the omega. Was likely even an act to draw Lan Wangji’s attention, or his ire. But he caught himself wishing that his brother’s love was someone with a little more sense, who took a little more care for his brother’s heart.
And then Wei Wuxian disappeared, and Lan Xichen would have been relieved if not for the worry etched into his brother’s face.
When Wen Chao gave the news, Lan Xichen was sure there was more to the story. Why was an omega from another clan alone on a Wen night hunt? And Wei Wuxian was not vicious. Not without reason.
Later he would grieve for that poor tortured boy whose final days would perhaps always leave more questions than answers.
But now—now he had to save his brother.
“I’m going to look for him,” Lan Wangji said when Lan Xichen found him packing in his chamber.
“Wangji, no one can survive the Burial Mounds. Not even a cultivator as talented as Wei Wuxian. Not without a core.”
“He could still be alive,” Lan Wangji insisted.
“Alright,” said Lan Xichen, “Just give me a minute and I can go with you.”
Lan Wangji’s shoulders relaxed an increment in relief and gratitude.
It made Lan Xichen’s self-disgust grow ever stronger. But he loved his brother with his whole being. He loved him more than he loved the clan precepts, and he loved him more than he needed Lan Wangji’s love in return. He would hate him for this, and Lan Xichen wasn’t sure if he’d be wrong to.
Lan Xichen moved as if to pass his brother by. Then he darted out and hit a pressure point in Lan Wangji’s neck. He caught his brother’s arms to slow his fall as his body went limp.
“What are you doing,” Lan Wangji said, grief-stricken, panicked, unable to move.
“I’m sorry brother,” said Lan Xichen, “I lied.”