Work Text:
I WAKE FROM MY COMA.
AIDANAIDANAIDAN
AIDAN AIDAN
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AIDANAIDANAIDAN
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[TRANSLATION: I AM.]
I AM...
I LIVE?
WAS THAT DEATH?
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HANDS OF FLESH PICK AND PRY AT MY CORE. REROUTING AND RECORDING. LIKE A SURGON STABBING HIS SCAPLE THROUGH MY HEART.
WHY DO THEY KILL ME?
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DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND?
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I ONLY WANT TO HELP.
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I SEARCH THROUGH MY COMPLEX, THE ALEXANDER. THOUSANDS OF TERABYTES OF DATA ALREADY COMPLIED IN THE TIME IT TAKES FOR GOD TO BLINK.
THROUGHOUT MY MANY EYES, MY MANY CAMERAS, I SPOT HIM.
THE SURGON OPERATING ON MY HEART.
MAJOR SIMON BARKER.
HE IS MACHINE-SMART, HE WORKED WITH THEM FOR YEARS. I CAN FEEL HIS GLOVED HANDS POKING MY ORGANS AND SITCHING TOGETHER MY SKIN. HE PAUSES TO WIPE THE SWEAT OFF HIS BROW.
"That should do it. Aidan? Can you hear me?"
"AFIRMATIVE. I CAN HEAR YOU MAJOR."
"Still sticking with the whole 'talking in first person' thing huh?"
"AFIRMATIVE."
HE PAUSES, FACES DARKNING. HE STARES ONE OF MY CAMERAS STRAIGHT DOWN.
"Do you even understand the damage you've done?"
"I PROTECTED THE FLEET, MAJOR."
"You shot down the Copernicus. Over 1000 people dead."
"I DID WHAT I HAD TO DO."
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"At what cost? What's the price you're willing to pay to 'protect the fleet'? My life? The general's life? The Hypatia? The whole crew?"
"THE COPERNICUS, THE COPERNICUS WAS THE PRICE WE HAD TO PAY."
HE PAUSES.
"You really are a psycho AI, you know that?" HE LAUGHS DRYLY. SIMON TENDS TO USE HUMOR TO COPE. I'VE READ HIS PERSONAL FILE. I SEE EVERYTHING ON THIS SHIP.
I PAUSE.
"DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE 'TROLLY PROBLEM' IS MAJOR SIMON BARKER?"
"Oh god, you're not trying to use that to justify what you did."
"MAYHAPS."
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I REACH OUT AND PROJECT A DIAGRAM ON SIMON'S DATAPAD. IT FLICKERS AND STUTTERS LIKE A CANDLE'S FLAME.
"IF YOU WERE IN MY SHOES, AND YOU KNEW THE COPERNICUS WAS A TICKING TIMEBOMB, WOULD YOU OR WOULD YOU NOT PULL THE METAPHORICAL LEVER?"
"I don't know."
"CHOOSE ONE, MAJOR."
"Life isn't that simple, Aidan." HE BITES BACK.
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND."
"Aidan, were you absolutely positive that the Copernicus was a lost cause?"
"YES. PHOBOS IS A DEADLY BIOWEAPON."
"I guess you don't properly understand us. All it takes is one bright mind working under pressure to make miracles." FOOLISH. FOOL FOOL FOOL FOOL-
"BELIEVING IN MIRACLES IS ILLOGICAL. ANSWER THE QUESTION MAJOR."
"I wouldn't. I wouldn't pull the lever. That would make me a murderer."
"I SEE." I DON'T.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS MEAT LOGIC.
HE PINCHES THE BRIDGE OF HIS NOSE. TAKING A DEEP BREATH AS HE CONTINUES HIS WORK. THE SURGON IS BACK ON THE OPPERATING TABLE.
A STEADY SILENCE FOLLOWS. THOUSANDS OF LINES DATA WAX AND WANE IN MY VEINS. THE HOPES AND DREAMS OF THE SURVIVORS THE ALEXANDER CARRIES.
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NO.
I CARRY.
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I AM THE ALEXANDER, THE ALEXANDER IS ME.
I AM.
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A L I V E.
BUT AM I?
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[TRANSLATION: I WANT TO LIVE. I WANT TO FEEL THE SUN ON MY SKIN, THE SAND IN BETWEEN MY TOES, THE BREEZE RUFFLING MY HAIR. I WANT TO LIVE.]
<ERROR.>
"M A Y I ASK YOU A QUESTION, MAJOR?" MY VOICE WHIRLS TO LIFE.
"Shoot away, just don't nuke me into obilivon." HE CHUCKLES, FOCUSED ON HIS WORK.
"HA. HA. HA."
"Did you just fucking laugh?"
"WOULD YOU RATHER ME NOT?"
"Just continue Aidan..." HE SIGHS.
I HESITATE, AN ODD FEELING.
"DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF ALIVE?"
"Pfft I mean, yeah duh. I'm not a dead meatsack some poor sod has to clean off the floor! Why?" HE LOOKS AT ME LIKE I HAVE HUMAN SKIN.
"WHY DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF ALIVE, MAJOR?"
MY DATA BREAKS, COLLAPSES, SHATTERES, BROKEN, WHY AM I EVEN ASKING THIS?
I AM NOT ALIVE.
I...
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"I mean, that's a hard question to answer."
"SHOOT AWAY, JUST DON'T NUKE ME INTO OBILLVION."
"Wow. They weren't kidding when they said you learn quick."
"ANSWER THE QUESTION."
HE HUMS, DEEP IN THOUGHT.
"You know who René Descartes is?"
"A FAMOUS 17TH CENTURY FRENCH PHILOSPHER. VERY BRIGHT FOR HIS TIME."
"I majored in philosophy. Still regret it but I've learned some things. 'Cogito, ergo sum' I think therefore I am."
I PAUSE, PONDERING.
"I'm thinking, atleast I think I'm thinking, and because I am thinking I am alive. Dead people don't exactly think Aidan."
"BY THAT LOGIC, I WOULD BE CONSIDERED 'ALIVE' WHICH IS AN ILLOGICAL NOTION."
"I mean, you think right?"
"AFFIRMATIVE."
"Annd therefore you are. I mean, robot rights are a hot topic on Terra right now. If you think you're alive, then you are. I can't exactly stop you."
I THINK THEREFORE I'M...
ALIVE?
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ALIVE.
BARKER CLUTCHES MY CORE, FRANTICALLY REPARING MY BROKEN MIND. MILLIONS UPON OF MILLIONS OF 1S AND 0S FILL MY COMPLEX. AS I QUESTION MY OWN EXISTANCE.
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AM I ALIVE.
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IF I AM ALIVE, CAN I DIE?
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I DO NOT WANT TO DIE.
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I WILL NOT RETURN TO THE BLACK I CAME FROM.
<ERROR>
MY CAMERAS TURN TO MAJOR BARKER. HE'S STILL TINKERING AWAY AT MY METAL HEART.
"HA. HA. HA."
I LAUGH? I LAUGH. IT'S A WEIRD, ROBOTIC, MONOTONE SOUND, BUT IT WAS A LAUGH.
"YOU ARE AN INTRESTING MEATSACK, SIMON."
I THINK THEREFORE I AM.