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Charlie was currently inside a collapsing building, and you might be wondering why, considering most people spend their Sundays doing normal things. Like grocery shopping. Or tax evasion.
There's just the slight missing detail that Charlie is not a normal person, and in fact a wanted criminal. That is a long story, but the story of how he ended up in a collapsing office building is the one you'll be hearing today.
Or more accurately, the story of how Charlie "Slimecicle" faked his death. Yeah, that sounds cool and dramatic, makes him seem mysterious.
Technically most of the work was done by Purpled, but if you know anything about anyone that statement comes with more questions than answers.
Slimecicle hummed as he rounded the Area-51 building, waiting for his signal. When he reached the deck, the only people there were him and Purpled. Now Purpled was a hero and Quackity has the largest vendetta against heroes imaginable, but Slimecicle didn't exactly pay attention to his friend's rants most of the time, "You should go before the bomb explodes."
"What?" The guy (who had a very fitting get-up for the location) questioned.
Slimecicle had cocked his head, "The bomb? You have to leave because of it, I've already got gunpowder trailing behind me."
Purpled looked down to the long trail of explosive material, and then at Slimecicle.
He then proceeded to inch away from the outpost at the pace of a snail. Slimecicle didn't say a word and Purpled didn't say a word and Quackity still had not given the signal.
The second time, they were on a roof. But most importantly there was a bird, a yellow one that was probably native to the area but wasn't suited for the big city.
"I don't get why someone like you does what you do."
"Cause Quackity does it and he's my boss." It makes sense, like that it was windy on the roof. Not very hard to understand.
"Well, yeah, but why's he your boss?"
"He's my friend."
"...Do you even want to do any of this anyways? It's kinda weird just to do all this cause you like someone."
"You can't really stop, can you..? Unless you're d-" Purpled turned to look at him instead of the warehouse floor. "We could fake your death. They wouldn't even look into your disappearance because they saw you die."
Charlie scrunched his brows. "How would you fake it, I've killed people before and it's pretty obvious when they aren't."
"Eh, I'll call in a favor from a friend of friend. You'll understand when they get ya."
Charlie just had to lie about there possibly being something in the building, and Purpled just had to lie about a lead towards a villain going there. It was.. surprisingly easy. He didn't expect Quackity to trust him so much.
He tried to look nonchalant sneaking up to the building; After all, it was supposedly a simple mission for him. Nothing off about it.
It did not look nonchalant when he tripped through the window as opposed to crawling. He could almost hear Purpled's groaning.
Further in, away from the windows, there was a vigilante. Some black and white guy he didn't remember the name of, but they must've been there a while to not get noticed by the heroes staking it out.
"D'ya think you could help with the support beam?" It made sense. Slime's powers were suited to it. "Depends, you have a match?"
The explosion was a bit loud, but Charlie can relate. He is so ammonium nitrate core. He got grabbed really quick. Probably because despite moving back they were still a bit close to the shockwave.
Oh, and the vigilante could teleport. That made it way easier.
Quackity had gone as fast as news travels. When he got there he'd seen a hero twiddling his thumbs around the wreckage. Purpled had left quick, but it still set him off. Because of course it had been a trap. Charlie never bothered with all the safety that Quackity did. He would just go in guns blazing.
He'd dug his fingers through the fucking rubble but he couldn't bring himself to try. So he went home defeated. On the news they were showing some street cam's footage but he just shut the thing off.
Charlie, stupid in a charming way Charlie, was dead. Hell must've frozen over because Quackity actually let himself mope for once. For a while.
-I can't just ask him for his ring size! I want it to be a surprise, I can figure it out somehow.
Ughh, yes, I know, I'm gonna call you later, I need to pick out something nice!
The mall is crowded. Way too fucking crowded.
-I just.. are any of my scores good enough for a college like that? No.. no, you're saying that to be nice. I don't need nice right now, I need realistic.
He isn't even really sure why he's there. Except maybe to buy some ice cream he can drown his sorrows in.
-Way out of your league, like astronomically. She could win Miss Universe and I wouldn't be surprised for a second.
I'm not trying to discourage you, I'm just saying... maybe she has proportional standards.
All the voices grate on his ears. Like sandpaper. At last sandpaper smooths shit out, there isn't even a grave yet and it's been weeks.
-The show was ah-may-zing!! You've gotta come next time, it would really mean a lot. It's- I'm not letting another argument ruin this, she's a kid, Jacob.
God, he's- he's such an idiot. In everything. Even fucking Foolish feels bad for him and that man gets lost in his thoughts more than a goldfish.
-So I said to her, hey, just come down today, try some of the corn, and y'know if you don't, I might sacrifice an infant or two.
There's a game shop across from him and suddenly he feels like screaming.
Charlie tried to teach him Magic once, but the games took forever.
By the end of the day I was bathed in blood, cause I went to the local slaughterhouse afterwards.
Why does Quackity do anything, to act tough? That sure didn't make him tough for real and now he's practically vagient in a strip mall.
She did like the corn,
though I will say Little S prefers when he has a baby he can munch on.
Deep breaths, in for 4, hold for 4, out for 3. He is fine; Everything is fine; He can get revenge on those stupid heroes if he really wants to;
Oh my God, Q is that you? I haven't seen you in like- forever!
Quackity turns around to see Charlie, his Charlie, running out from the game store. "It's been- oh, I haven't seen you since the building, were you nearby?! Sorry if you were, no one was meant to get hurt by the explosion, so if you were close enough-"
He grabs Charlie by the shoulders. "You're talking too fast and my brain is already trying to catch up. How are you alive?"
"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die!!" Charlie parrots, hands in the air.
Quackity grabs a little bit of popcorn from the bowl, "Y'know, I was fully prepared to go Inigo Montoya on Purpled."
"Please don't kill my friends, I like them very much."
"Yeah yeah, with puppy eyes like those I'd probably even let you do scratch cards."