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When Sugiura had heard the news of Matsugane’s death, he was shocked. He’d never met the man; he saw him briefly after Kaito had been shot, when Higashi and Matsugane had busted into the room where Hamura had been keeping Kaito, waiting for Yagami. Sugiura didn’t know the man, but he couldn’t help but be a little starstruck. 

This was the man that had taken Yagami as his son, and also the patriarch of his own yakuza family. He looked so classy and dignified, Sugiura wouldn’t have even guessed that he was a yakuza if he hadn’t heard about the man from Kaito and Yagami. Worse yet was the thought that came to mind when Yagami had told the younger man about Matsugane.

Serves you right.

Sugiura knew what it was to lose someone you loved so much. He knew the pain and hurt, wishing you could have done anything to stop it from happening. Maybe if Sugiura had been stronger and could find the strength to leave his house and visit Emi more, if he could spend more time with her, if they could have been out that night having a fun outing doing things together, maybe things could have been different. 

Sugiura hated that it was his first thought when Yagami had told him that Matsugane died; the older man looked so kind, he didn’t deserve that kind of thought process associated with his death. But Yagami deserved to know the hurt and pain of losing someone important to him. Maybe then he could understand the weight of his actions and how cowardly it was to just run away because he had fucked up and had to deal with the consequences of his actions. 

But Sugiura would leave it alone. For now. Yagami needed to grieve, and he still had to deliver the news to two men who would be beside themselves: Kaito and Higashi. 

It shouldn’t have mattered to Sugiura. He was there to watch Yagami and see where this all went; see if Yagami even gave a shit about his past actions and how much harm he had caused. 

He had to admit though, this case was getting darker with every new turn. Even if Yagami had completely screwed over Emi, he was giving his all for this new case. Sugiura wished that the detective had done the same three years ago, during Okubo’s first trial for the death of that old man, but no one could turn back time. 

Sugiura would just have to see how it all panned out.

The case had been put on hold for a time. At least long enough for Matsugane’s funeral. Sugiura felt restless; he hated to be by himself in his tiny little apartment when there was so much happening, so he tried sticking around Kamurocho and staying on top of the roofs, looking out and people watching. It was what he used to do before he had gotten caught up in the case, if he didn’t have plans with others from the gang.

But now it felt different. Boring. 

Sugiura had gotten used to surveying Kamurocho and tagging along with Yagami and Kaito. Despite what Sugiura thought of Yagami, it didn’t change the fact that the detective was deep in a horrible case, and Sugiura had agreed to help get to the bottom of it. His anger could be put on hold for a while if it meant making the world just a little better. 

It’s what Sugiura wanted anyway. He might as well help where he could, right?

He sighed, found a ladder that led back to the bustling streets of Kamurocho. Sugiura liked being up top where no one could see him, but right now he just couldn’t find it in him to focus, and it felt like that could be dangerous when he was so high up. He’d just head home, maybe play a game or keep an eye out on what his old gang was doing even if he wasn’t a part of it anymore.

He wanted to make sure they weren’t getting into too much trouble. Even if their goals were different now, Sugiura still cared. From what Yagami had said about Crow’s parting words, he still thought about Sugiura even if he was angry about his departure. It was surprisingly thoughtful. 

Sugiura bumped shoulders with someone.

“Sorry!” he squeaked. He was so unused to being around anyone, and sometimes people walking around the district could be short-tempered. Sugiura might have played confident and tough around the team, but strangers still made him nervous. Sugiura turned to look at the other person, gasped when he realized it was Higashi. 

The man looked so different. He was no longer in his usual trendy outfit, but a black suit and tie. The jacket looked big on the man; he usually looked tall and lean in his pinstripe outfit and flashy shirt. He had lost his sunglasses too, wore a normal pair of glasses instead. He looked so harmless and not like he was about to throw a fit. 

The funeral was probably over, and Higashi was dressed the part. He looked sad, or maybe the fact that he wasn’t squinting so much made him look like it. Sugiura used to wear glasses, and he had to squint the rare times he lost them. He’d since started wearing eye contacts, but he knew the struggles of not being able to see.

Did the sunglasses give Higashi troubles with vision? They looked cool, and Higashi never seemed to take them off. Maybe it’s why Sugiura always thought of him as having a mean face. But now he just looked defeated.

He’d lost his patriarch, the whole reason he’d been in such a mess in the first place. Of course he looked defeated.

“Higashi-san?” the last Sugiura had seen the man, it was outside of the doctor’s office that they had taken Kaito to. Some backalley doctor that Higashi had directed Sugiura to drive them to. The doctor had assured them that Kaito would be okay, and the two waited outside while the doctor worked.

Sugiura had suggested that Higashi get checked out as well. He still had the listening device for the bug that Yagami had planted at the Matsugane office, it was how Sugiura had found Yagami in that alleyway in the first place; he overheard what happened to Higashi, that he had been secretly helping Yagami rather than stopping him from investigating further, as per Hamura’s orders. The man took a beating for it, and then Hamura had made plans to lead Yagami into an alley; ambush both him and Kaito. He would use Matsugane as bait and show them the work they’d done on Higashi. He’d put an end to Yagami and Kaito himself. 

Higashi seemed to recover, focused on Kaito and making sure he got to the doctor in as good a condition as he could, considering his gunshot wound. Sugiura had suggested that Higashi get looked at as well, but the older man insisted that he was okay and he’d take care of himself once he got home. He told Sugiura to check in with Yagami, update him on their side and let him know Kaito would be okay. Sugiura agreed, and right before leaving the small waiting area, the last thing he remembered was the older man holding his head in his hands when he thought he was finally alone. 

He was overwhelmed and Sugiura understood why he was so tense and angry that they were all gathered at his arcade. He wasn’t finding them annoying or beneath him, he was wanting to help and knowing how bad it could be for him if Hamura were to find out. It didn’t stop him from helping with the case, but it sure did cause him to act like he was so above it all. 

It had changed how Sugiura saw the man. 

“Oh. Hey,” Higashi sounded down. He was breathing heavily and his eyes were dark. Had he even slept? “Has something come up?”

Sugiura looked around. They were close to Charles. Was Higashi going to work right after his patriarch’s funeral? Sugiura knew the man was a hard worker; he’d been around Charles a lot in the three years he’d been hanging around Kamurocho, it felt like the place was always open. 

“No, I was just hanging around,” Sugiura said. The only time he and Higashi spent time together was when something was going on with the case. Sugiura kept to himself if nothing was happening; he didn’t want to stick around any more than he had to. “Are you going to work?”

“Something like that,” Higashi muttered. He didn’t seem annoyed, just distracted, and Sugiura couldn’t say he didn’t understand. He could barely remember much after Emi’s funeral; it was all a blur and Sugiura tried to keep himself distracted. Higashi kept walking, and Sugiura followed. “Coming with?”

“Uh… yeah,” Sugiura said. Higashi nodded his head, but kept going. No arguments, no jabs at the thief. Sugiura knew Higashi didn’t like him, he expected at least some kind of sarcastic response. But Higashi had lost someone dear to him, he probably had more things on his mind. 

Higashi also never seemed like the type to take cheap jabs.

They got to the arcade and Higashi opened the shutters. Sugiura followed quietly, watched how shaky Higashi’s hands were as they fished in his pocket for the keys to the doors. Higashi unlocked the entrance, ushered Sugiura in before locking the doors back up. Higashi made his way behind the desk, took out two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. 

It was still light out and he was drinking. 

“It’s barely past noon,” Sugiura uttered. It came out before he could really think about it. Who was he to make comments on what Higashi did after the death of a man he had so much love and respect for? Sugiura felt like if he wasn’t already in such a bad place when Emi had died, he would have spiraled out of control. 

“What’s your point?” Higashi asked. He poured himself a glass, eyed Sugiura. “You old enough to drink?”

“Yeah,” Sugiura replied. He wasn’t a big drinker, but he didn’t mind a beer now and then if he was having a night in with pizza and movies. Higashi poured a bit of whiskey into Sugiura’s glass. The thief noted that Higashi’s own glass was nearly full and lacked an ice ball.

It was a bad day. 

They both sat on the bench close to the desk. Higashi held his drink in one hand, used the other to loosen his tie. Sugiura took a sip of his drink, scrunched up his face when the alcohol touched his lips. 

“Takes the edge off. You don’t usually drink it because it tastes good,” Higashi mumbled. He took his own swig and sighed. 

“I’m not really used to alcohol,” Sugiura admitted. The first time he drank, Emi was coming over with a video game. She told Sugiura she’d seen it in stores and thought they could try it together. She brought beer, snacks, and ordered them pizza. She never cared what a mess Sugiura’s room had become, she sat next to him in bed and focused on Sugiura and the game. For a while Sugiura forgot who he was and just felt normal. He didn’t even mind that the beer wasn’t even sweet or particularly good; it went well with the food and it helped him relax.

And Emi was there, laughing and having a good time. With Sugiura. She was a nurse and worked long hours, but she still thought of Sugiura anyway. She still played with him like the old days when they were kids.

Sugiura looked over at Higashi. He was sipping his drink and looked like he was deep in thought. There was something sad about Higashi not even choosing to sit and drink at home, but rather this small, dusty arcade. Maybe it’s just what he was used to, being at Hamura’s beck and call and spending all his time at work in case the boss needed something. 

Sugiura might have gotten his shit together after Okubo’s trial, but it took him some time to get out of the mindset that kept him locked inside all the time. 

“You look nice with glasses,” Sugiura said. Higashi looked at him, almost shocked someone was around. Sugiura didn’t know where he was going, he supposed he just wanted to try and help in some way. When Emi had died, it was as if people had been afraid to talk to Sugiura and it seemed like they outright avoided him. Maybe it was pity, but Sugiura would have loved to have anyone to talk to about anything. “I’m used to you with those sunglasses. You look like the kind of person I could talk to.”

“Sounds like the reason I got the sunglasses in the first place,” Higashi grumbled. He sighed and finished his drink, poured himself another. Sugiura wondered if he'd hit a sore spot, but Higashi sat back down next to him. “I was just another face in the Family even though I’ve been with them for so long. I was quiet and shy, just wanted to do right by Matsugane-san because he was always good to me. I’m sure I looked like just another dork to everyone else, and it’s why I always got the shit work and everyone kicking my ass and fucking around with me.”

So he looked mean on purpose. Sugiura could understand; he worked hard to get in shape and change himself when he finally decided to take action and at least try to do something about the horrible injustice he felt like he witnessed daily. He traded his glasses for eye contacts and changed his wardrobe to clothes that suited a more active lifestyle while maintaining comfort. 

Sugiura could see how someone like Higashi, who was, by all accounts, a criminal who worked with the nastiest types of other criminals, would feel a need to change his appearance. Especially if he was used to getting beaten down. If he looked the part of a flashy bully, no one would think of messing with him.

“After I found out Hamura set everything up last year to get aniki kicked out, I worried over what would happen to Matsugane-san,” Higashi continued. 

“Wait, Hamura’s the reason Kaito-san got expelled?” Sugiura couldn’t say it was shocking; it sounded like something Hamura would do. But one thing that Sugiura felt like could be promised of a yakuza family was that they looked out for each other. Sugiura knew the basics when it came to Kaito; he had been a yakuza that was kicked out a year ago, but he never dug deeper.

He didn’t think he’d be around long enough to really care. 

“Yeah,” Higashi scoffed. He took another sip of his drink. “Hired some guy to break in when the office would be empty to steal a bunch of money; one hundred million yen. He had a gun. If I hadn’t been such a fucking coward, aniki wouldn’t have felt like he needed to let it all happen just to keep me safe and he wouldn’t have gotten expelled.”

Higashi poured another drink. Sugiura felt like he was just going to cycle through every thought and memory that brought him down. 

“I wanted to get aniki back in, went to that dirty cop for information, found out the guy lived in the sewers. Hamura was there, it’s how I found out he was setting aniki up to fall,” Higashi took a sip of his drink. “He turned his gun on me, told me to tell him everything I knew. He put the gun in my hands, helped me shoot the guy who did it. He was so smug. Said the most disgusting things to me. And I thought that if he had enough power to do all that, it was only a matter of time before he did something to Matsugane-san.”

Sugiura stared at the floor. 

“Do you feel like you got that guy killed?” he asked. He looked at Higashi. The older man took another big sip of his drink. He got up to pour more. “Higashi-san, you’re going to pass out if you keep drinking.”

“Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do!?” Higashi asked. It felt like a slap in the face. Higashi was so forceful and angry, and while Sugiura knew it wasn’t really personal, he knew that Higashi wasn’t really going to take heed of anything he said. Sugiura didn’t mean a lot to Higashi; he was just some guy that made himself part of the team. He was one more bother to Higashi when the man was just trying to help keep his patriarch safe despite the consequences. Higashi sat back down, looked over at Sugiura. His face was getting red. “Of course I feel like I got the guy killed. I just wanted to get back the money and try and get aniki back, maybe even kick his ass around, but I never wanted anyone getting really hurt.”

Higashi took another swig. Sugiura heard a sniffle. Was Higashi crying? 

“Guns scare me shitless. I might not have been the one to technically shoot, but Hamura still had it in my hand and forced me to feel the feedback as we pulled the trigger. He wanted me to watch that man die,” Higashi continued. “He even handed me a gun and told me to make sure Yagami stopped his shit. He had this shit-eating grin too, like he knew he had dirt and that I’d do whatever he wanted. And I would. For Matsugane-san’s sake. I shot it, too. Didn’t get anyone, but I hoped it’d make Yagami and aniki back off and leave me alone. It’s why I look like such an asshole to you; I had to look the part if I was gonna get anywhere after last year.”

“I didn’t mean any–”

“Shut the fuck up, I know you didn’t mean anything!” Higashi yelled. Sugiura was trying not to be hurt; he was just asking questions and trying to be nice because he knew that Higashi was hurting. Truthfully, Sugiura wasn’t even sure why he was trying so hard. It felt like Higashi just wanted to be left alone to drink and wallow. Sugiura got up and started to walk away. “Are you gonna leave me too?”

It caused Sugiura to stop. They were words that made him want to cry. He felt like when Emi had died, there was no one left who really cared; it felt like Sugiura was drowning, and everyone had turned and left him to sink. His parents tried helping in the beginning; talking to him about not throwing his future away because he was hurting now. But the more Sugiura fell, the less they seemed to care. Sugiura had a few classmates in school that would message him, but when it was clear he wasn’t going to go out and do stuff with them, they stopped making contact. 

Emi was the only constant in Sugiura’s life. And when she died, it felt like no one was left in his corner. He felt so utterly alone. And while it, in some ways, gave him the strength to rebuild himself, it’s not like he didn’t feel it on late nights when he laid in bed wondering if anything he was doing truly made a difference.

Having no one to talk to made it all seem so pointless sometimes. 

“I don’t blame you,” Higashi murmured. “You’re just here because… I don’t know, I guess I seem pitiable. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to solve the fucking case.”

“You know that’s not what I’m thinking,” Sugiura wouldn’t blame Higashi if he needed time. He felt alone. And even before Matsugane died, it sounded like it was all Higashi wanted. Or maybe not what he wanted, but what he had resigned himself to. Given what he had just said about nearly getting shot in the sewers and made to kill that man, or at least feeling like he had, Sugiura didn’t blame Higashi for keeping to himself.

It’s not like Sugiura didn’t completely know how low you had to feel to shut yourself away.

“How the fuck should I even know what you’re thinking?” Higashi asked. “How the fuck do I know what anyone’s thinking? I’m me and I’m not a mindreader! For all I know, you’re laughing it up and sticking around because it’s just so funny to see that this loser is down and out just trying to keep it together for fuck knows why anymore!”

Higashi went to take another swig of his drink, but Sugiura snatched it out of his hand. 

“You’re cut off, Higashi-san!” Sugiura put the glass down on the desk. It was what now, his fourth drink? And he was filling the glasses up high, too. Higashi was drowning his sorrows in drink, and he was getting belligerent. 

“Didn’t fuckin’ ask you to be here and baby me,” Higashi growled. He sighed, but he stayed where he was. He sniffled again, took off his glasses and wiped his face. Sugiura hated to think it, but Higashi was fucked up. He was reeling and processing the last year, if Sugiura had to guess. 

Sugiura sat back down next to Higashi. He felt like if anyone could understand the older man, it was him. Unfortunately for Higashi, he had no idea that Sugiura would understand him all too well. Sugiura was purposely keeping his mouth shut, though a part of him felt like if anyone would keep a secret, especially concerning burning hatred for Yagami, it would be Higashi. 

But right now, the man was nearly four glasses of whiskey in, and Sugiura wasn’t ready to admit that he’d been keeping so many things in the dark. Higashi’s darkness was enough for now. 

Sugiura wanted to put a hand on the other man, enough to let him know that he wasn’t there for his own amusement. He was there because Sugiura hated how alone he felt when Emi died; he had tried to put himself a little more out there, but the damage had been done and it felt like people just stared but never came to comfort Sugiura. 

Sugiura felt like with how the two had acted toward each other, he could never truly be a comfort for Higashi. But he could at least show that he was there for the older man.

“Sorry I’m not Kaito-san,” he said. If anyone could make Higashi feel better, it was probably Kaito. He was Higashi’s brother, even if there was no blood between them. Higashi had lost a part of himself because he wanted Kaito back. Even if he had learned it was never going to happen, it didn’t deter Higashi; he focused on Matsugane instead, changed himself so he could become the yakuza that could keep his patriarch safe.

“He doesn’t really care. Not when fuckin’ Yagami’s around,” Higashi muttered. Sugiura laughed. Yagami. He had a perfect record when Sugiura met him, and he looked just so sad when he had explained that he was just Okubo’s lawyer and he was doing his job. Sure, he had lost the trial, but if Yagami was at all hesitant, shouldn’t he have just not even taken the case in the first place?

It’s not like someone as perfect and great at his job as Yagami wouldn’t have had better offers. 

“At least they have each other. Their patriarch died too,” Higashi continued. He lowered his head, held it in his hands. That jacket made him look small; it was like he’d borrowed it from someone older and bigger than him. Sugiura gently put his hand on the man’s back. “He talked to the guys. They were so happy aniki was back. I thought he’d come over to me too, but he just smiled before returning to Yagami and Genda-sensei.”

“Ah,” Higashi just wanted some comfort from his brother. It was no secret that Higashi didn’t really seem all that keen on Yagami, and it felt like the one thing that Sugiura and Higashi could agree on. Sugiura wondered if it was all just jealousy on Higashi’s part, though sometimes Yagami just had a way about him that Sugiura was sure pissed Higashi off. Sugiura had watched Yagami; the man was very keen on getting the law involved, and Sugiura couldn’t say it rubbed him the right way. He had run-ins with cops, but had always been fast enough to get away. “Higashi-san–”

“You’re pretty respectful for a thief,” Higashi muttered. Sugiura chuckled. Even if he didn’t think well of Higashi, he was still older than Sugiura and was at least trying to help them even if it seemed like he was put off. “You don’t even need to be here. You feel that bad for me?”

“I feel bad that you’re drinking so much alone in the afternoon after losing someone you care about,” there was more, but Sugiura felt like if he mentioned how sad Higashi made him, the man would spiral even further into his own problems. Sugiura had avoided mirrors at all costs for a long time when he was stuck at home, he couldn’t imagine how miserable he had looked for some time after Emi’s death. 

Sugiura was so used to how flashy and refined Higashi generally looked, even if he had a bad attitude, it just made the younger man sad to see the other man looking so different. It wasn’t pity, but complete overwhelming sadness because of how much Sugiura understood. 

He felt bad that when Yagami had told him about what happened to Matsugane, he had such a selfish thought in thinking that the detective deserved that kind of pain. Even if Sugiura absolutely hated the man and what he had done, he was still a human with feelings and the thief wouldn’t want anyone to go through the pain he had. 

“I failed to keep Matsugane-san safe. The one fucking thing that I promised myself I’d accomplish if I couldn’t at least get aniki back,” Higashi balled his hand into a fist. He sighed, let out another sniffle and wiped at his eyes. “As long as he was safe, I didn’t give a shit what happened to me. I couldn’t even do right by him in the end.”

Sugiura looked at Higashi again. He and Matsugane had shown up together when Yagami had found Kaito, so Higashi must have made sure the patriarch would be safe in that building; it was crawling with Hamura’s goons and Sugiura had a rough time fighting them by himself, he wouldn’t have been shocked if he missed any.

Sugiura didn’t know Matsugane, but he was sure the man would never have seen Higashi as failing him. Rather than taking care of himself after getting his ass beat at the office for betraying Hamura, Higashi chose instead to stick with his patriarch and help him find Hamura and Yagami as well. There was no way Higashi could have known what would end up happening. 

But Sugiura knew why Higashi held guilt over not doing more.

The younger man looked around the arcade again. Even if it looked clean, it always seemed like there was dust or something in the air. The atmosphere felt slightly oppressive, or maybe it was that Higashi and all his sadness kept in the back room and it had unfortunately flowed out into the arcade.

“Please tell me you don’t live here,” Sugiura said. There was something completely depressing about a respectable man like Higashi living in the back of a sad little arcade. Sugiura didn’t know a lot about the man, but he’d always seen him in the place the few times he’d swing around to try and win prizes from the gacha machines. Higashi always seemed so focused on his work.

“I keep my drinks here,” Higashi replied. He straightened his posture, let his shoulders relax. “If I kept my liquor at home, I’d be in a worse state. At least here, there’s usually customers and I can’t just drink my sorrows away because every day under Hamura’s thumb is one day closer to throwing myself into traffic.”

“Oh my god.”

Before, Sugiura would never have thought that Higashi was so miserable under all the flash and attitude. He played it as cool as he could even if he made it clear that he was annoyed to be around Yagami and the others. Maybe it was all the alcohol making it easy for Higashi to put words to how he felt, but Sugiura couldn’t say he liked knowing that anyone around him was suffering so badly. 

The glass of whiskey had found its way back to Higashi’s hand. Sugiura glanced at the man. He was drinking the rest of his whiskey, but he put the glass down under the bench when he was done. Sugiura sighed, got up and turned to face the older man. 

“Come on, Higashi-san,” he said. He took the older man’s arm, surprised that Higashi moved so fluidly with him. They were face to face; the two were roughly the same height, Higashi standing just the smallest bit taller, or maybe it was all the hair; it was always so meticulously gelled and Sugiura wondered a little how it looked naturally. 

Sugiura stepped back to allow the both of them room.

“What’re we doing?” Higashi asked.

“We’re putting some food in you after all that alcohol,” Sugiura said. Higashi seemed like the type who skipped food and went straight for the cigarettes, not that it smelled or seemed like Higashi had even bothered smoking today. But alcohol on an empty stomach seemed like a recipe for disaster, especially with how quickly Higashi had been knocking them back. “Come on.”

Sugiura put an arm around Higashi; the man was moving oddly, but he wasn’t complaining at least. He was being surprisingly agreeable. Sugiura stopped before they left the building, turned around. He started adjusting Higashi’s tie; the man would dread being seen out of sorts. 

“Didn’t know you could tie a tie,” Higashi mumbled. 

“Yeah well, I’ve had my moments in a bad situation,” Sugiura said. He didn’t want to get into it, but there weren’t many reasons for him to really be wearing anything fancy. He could pull off a suit if he needed, even looked good in one, but he preferred his comfy clothes. He was glad he could pull off the athleisure look; it kept him aerodynamic and comfortable. 

Despite working so hard to improve himself and his life, he’d admit that he still enjoyed a lazy day indoors. 

“You okay?” Higashi asked. Sugiura double-checked his work on the tie, flashed the older man a smile.  It was sad that three years later, Higashi was the first person to ask Sugiura that question. 

“I’m getting there,” Sugiura said, nodding his head. He winked at Higashi; it was a bad habit Sugiura had. He knew he had good looks when he got himself cleaned up. When he was nervous, he tended to act overconfident. Sugiura felt like with Higashi on his way to an inward spiral of bad thoughts and negative feelings, he had to be the stronger of the two. 

He felt bad. If he knew how Higashi really felt, he never would have talked so badly about him. Sugiura hated to be negative about anyone, really.

But sometimes there were exceptions. 

He continued leading the older man. There was a Smile Burger on Nakamichi Street; it was further away than the one on Theatre Avenue, but bigger and had more seating options. It wasn’t the best food in the world, and Sugiura was sure Higashi would scoff at it, but he was four glasses of whiskey in and seemed to be reeling from where exactly his life had gone wrong. Smile Burger was really the least of his worries. 

“Smile Burger?” Higashi asked when they got to the establishment. Sugiura laughed nervously as he got Higashi up the stairs. The man wasn’t so drunk he was difficult to move, and Sugiura wondered if Higashi usually stayed at the arcade late at night drinking his thoughts away. 

“I’ll get us some food,” Sugiura left Higashi at a table and went back downstairs, ordered a bunch of different burgers, some fries, and a Smile Shake. Whatever Higashi didn’t eat, Sugiura could bring home and have for later. At this point, Sugiura mostly lived off of fast food and whatever he could get at convenience stores.

He still hadn’t brought himself to learn cooking, not that he really had the time with always doing things with his gang. But with that out of the way, Sugiura supposed he had time to learn. Not that it felt like an appealing thought. 

He’d get there when the time was right.

He went back up the stairs, a little surprised that Higashi had actually sat down. He still looked somber, but at least he wasn’t crying. Sugiura took a deep breath, tried to put on the best face he could. 

“Sugiura, you really didn’t have to do this,” Higashi said. Sugiura. Higashi had never used the name before. Maybe it was much like Sugiura in regards to learning little about anything; Higashi hoped he wouldn't be around the younger man long enough to ever need to use his name. Or maybe that Sugiura was taking the time to talk and spend time with Higashi, the man didn't mind him as much as he had in the past.

It didn't really matter. But it was nice that the animosity was gone.

“I don’t mind. You’re worth it, right?” Sugiura asked. Higashi laughed bitterly as he grabbed a burger and unwrapped it.

“Barely,” he uttered. “But it’s nice that someone thinks so.”

Sugiura unwrapped his own burger, took a sip of his Smile Shake. Was this really how Higashi felt? He seemed so proud when Sugiura had met him, if not hot-headed and a little possessive. Sugiura supposed that if Higashi had taken it upon himself to do everything in his power to keep Matsugane safe and the man was gone, it wouldn’t be hard for Higashi to fall back into everything from the last year that was easier to ignore when there were other things he could focus on. 

Sugiura had joined in with his gang to take his mind off of how unfair and unjust the world was, figured he could help a few folks out while he was cruising around the city. It just so happened that he ran into Yagami one day and he began to think back to that horrible time three years ago, but it wasn’t the plan. The world just had a fucked up way of working out.

“I used to come here all the time when I first joined in with the family,” Higashi said. Sugiura’s eyes widened; Smile Burger did not seem like the kind of place Higashi would frequent. “C’mon, don’t look like that. I was still a kid and barely had money, and this place kept me loaded on carbs and protein for cheap, plus salads.”

“Yeah, but they get on your case about giving your best smile,” Sugiura replied. They both laughed. Neither were really in a place to give their best smiles. Higashi was fucked no matter what, and Sugiura was faking most of his own smiles. “I love this place for the same reason though. And the burgers are good too.”

“Aw. We should come here together more then,” Higashi grinned. Sugiura stared at him. Was Higashi hitting on him? 

“You’re drunk, eat your food,” Sugiura commanded. Higashi laughed and continued eating. Sugiura ate his own burger, tried his best not to make eye contact with the other man. Sugiura had been above Kamurocho looking down at the inhabitants for a long time now. He’d seen plenty of drunk men try and hit on pretty girls just minding their business trying to have some fun in the entertainment district. Those guys probably wouldn’t have the balls to do anything without their liquid courage. They didn’t have a shot with those girls.

Sugiura didn’t know if Higashi had a shot with him. He tried not to slow down long enough to think about things like that; it would get in the way of the shit that really mattered. He could admit though that Higashi wasn’t bad to look at and had the kind of voice that was really nice to listen to. That he actually had shit going on below his facade of aloofness and cool made Higashi an appealing choice when Sugiura got past the surface level qualities. 

Once he sobered up, Sugiura was sure Higashi would go right back to that cold, angry persona that he’d been working on for the past year. He wished he could have met quiet, shy Higashi. Maybe at the end of the day, that was still who Higashi really was.

It was possible that he never let anyone see the real him anymore.

Higashi groaned. Sugiura looked at him. Higashi put the burger down, pushed his chair back and leaned back in it. 

“Think I’m done,” he said. He looked so completely put off by the food. Even though the burgers were something Sugiura had hoped would help absorb some of the alcohol, there was still fat and grease. Mix that with the abundant amount that Higashi had consumed in such a short amount of time, it was no wonder the man looked like he was going to be sick. 

“Sorry, Higashi-san,” Sugiura murmured. He just wanted to help Higashi so that he wouldn’t feel like shit the next day. Sugiura felt lucky that in some ways, keeping to himself at home had stunted him as a person; he was sure that if he knew the murkier sides of life when Emi had died, he would have been quite self-destructive in his quest to keep himself with something to distract him. 

And really, Higashi could be doing worse than drinking alone at his arcade just past noon. But if he had been drinking to forget what he was doing within the Matusgane Family, even if it was for noble reasons, Sugiura wondered where Higashi would be if the younger man hadn’t decided to tag along.

He had mentioned that keeping the drinks at the arcade stopped him from hurting himself.

Sugiura shuddered to think about what Matsugane’s death would mean for Higashi when no one was around to listen to him. 

Today was one bad day.

But it seemed like Matsugane was the glue holding Higashi’s life together. 

“Let’s get going,” Sugiura said. If he spent too long thinking of every single thing under the sun about where Higashi was headed, he would get nothing accomplished besides giving himself a panic attack. 

Sugiura started cleaning up the burger wrappers. They had both actually done a pretty good job of clearing the food that Sugiura got; all that was left were some old, cold french fries and a bit of the Smile Shake that Sugiura had gotten for himself. 

Sugiura threw out the rest of the garbage, gently put a hand on Higashi’s shoulder. The older man stood up. He looked a little better. 

“Feels kinda nice being cared for,” Higashi said as they left the building. Sugiura laughed dryly. Emi had always done what she could for Sugiura when she was over; she cooked for him or bought him snacks that she knew he liked. She tried to talk about anything that would rouse Sugiura’s interest, and she listened to any woes that Sugiura felt okay enough to share. 

She had cared for Sugiura during his lowest time, and knowing how much it meant, Sugiura wanted to pay it forward with Higashi. He was at his worst and dealing with loss on top of it. His grief would be immense, especially when he felt like he was alone.

“Anyone take care of you when you’re feeling down?” Higashi asked. Sugiura stopped and stared down at the street. He bit the inside of his lip to try and stop the tears from escaping, but too much had built up to really stop him. Emi had always taken care of Sugiura. Even when he had told her to focus on her career because he wasn’t gonna be going anywhere, and he felt like he was just going to drain her, she laughed and told him to be quiet and let her take care of her favorite patient.

It cheered Sugiura up, or at least as much as he could have been back then. When she was gone, Sugiura had learned that he had to lean on himself. Sure, he and his parents had come to an understanding of sorts, but it was mostly forced from Emi’s death; they were all so broken-hearted that it caused them to come together. 

Sugiura was getting better at regulating himself, or maybe he just learned to shove his horrible feelings somewhere deep so he could get through the days and focus on things that he felt were bigger than himself. 

“Oh,” Higashi mumbled. 

“I’m sorry,” Sugiura was wiping his face and trying to calm down. This was about Higashi. Higashi put a shaky hand on the small of Sugiura’s back.

“I get it,” the older man said. That was the problem; Higashi would get it and it’s why Sugiura couldn’t keep it down anymore, because he was reminded too much of how alone he felt once Emi was gone. Back then, there were times that Sugiura felt like it wouldn’t be so bad to let himself be dragged down into darkness and let it win, but the thought of how sad it would have made Emi, if she were still alive, had stopped him from letting the bad thoughts take over. She would have blamed herself, wonder what she didn’t do to stop it from happening. She put energy she should’ve taken for herself during her time off into making Sugiura’s day as bright as it could be.

Even if she was gone, Sugiura felt like he couldn't just falter and let all that energy Emi had dedicated to him go to waste. He had to be strong and get through the days; it was all Emi had wanted, and Sugiura was going to become better for her.  

“Let’s get you home,” Sugiura finally said. He took a deep breath, looked over at the other man. If he brought him back to the arcade, Higashi would probably just go back to drinking once Sugiura left. Sugiura didn’t mind sticking around and giving Higashi company, but he couldn’t be there forever. 

“That might be a good idea,” Higashi replied. He was looking flushed and tired, the alcohol was probably hitting its peak. “My apartment’s not that far away.”

They started walking again. Higashi lived in Kamurocho, and Sugiura was sure he was overpaying for his apartment just because it was in the entertainment district. Sugiura lived away from the area, and he didn’t have a big space at all, but even that place felt expensive to him. But then, he was sure it was more convenient for Higashi to live close to where he worked. 

They got to the apartment complex; Higashi lived a few floors up, and Sugiura helped get him up the stairs. Higashi stumbled now and again. Sugiura didn’t want him to fall down stairs and hurt himself. He felt like, at this point, if Higashi fell somewhere, he’d probably just stay down. 

Higashi seemed like the type who was proud and wouldn’t want anyone to see him when he was down. The fact that he was letting Sugiura see him at his worst meant that Higashi was in a bad place, and the drinks weren’t going to help. 

They got to Higashi’s apartment, and the older man unlocked the door. Sugiura got him inside, found his futon lying in a corner. The apartment was decent; a long room that led around what was likely a bathroom, and probably over to a kitchen area. It was bigger than the shoebox Sugiura felt like he himself lived in, but the place was barely furnished apart from the futon and a television off to the side. Sugiura supposed if he was usually at work, Higashi wouldn’t bother getting himself a lot. 

Sugiura gently let Higashi slide down onto the bed. Higashi sighed, took off his glasses and laid them safely in the corner. 

“I think I overshared earlier,” he mumbled. He held his chest, let out a small burp. He groaned before letting out a large sigh. Higashi did overshare, but Sugiura guessed that the alcohol loosened his lips. Maybe having someone who wasn’t close to him or affiliated with the yakuza helped; Sugiura was a neutral party that happened to hang around because. 

“Someone who's been a big part of your life just died. If you’re thinking about everything that’s happened to you since last year when everything changed, I don’t blame you,” Sugiura said. He sat down on the floor next to the futon, close to Higashi. “Maybe all that whiskey made it easy to loosen up too.”

“Maybe,” Higashi agreed. He sat up, took off that jacket that was too big in Sugiura’s opinion. Under the jacket was closer to what Sugiura expected of the man; a form-fitting button down that showed how lean the man actually was. Sugiura took the jacket from Higashi, hung it up on a small coat rack in another corner close to the entryway. “Thanks for sticking around, Sugiura. I was an asshole even though you were just trying to be nice. I’m sorry.”

“Well, it can’t be helped. There’s a lot of emotion under all that hair-gel,” Sugiura laughed, and Higashi chuckled. Sugiura returned to where he’d been sitting. “I can understand.”

“You said you’d been in a bad situation,” Higashi started. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Sugiura said. He could lie, make something up that was partially the truth but not so close as to give himself away. But Sugiura was getting tired of lying. Higashi’s eyelids were fluttering shut, but he seemed like he was trying so hard to stay awake. “Get some sleep, Higashi-san.”

“But–” 

Higashi stopped himself, seemed to be trying to think of what to say. He looked pleadingly at Sugiura. Higashi was being friendly on purpose. Sugiura recalled him asking if the younger man was going to leave him too.

Higashi was lonely at the heart of everything. 

So was Sugiura.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” the younger man said. He slowly laid down next to Higashi, making sure they had room between them. 

“Promise?” Higashi asked. Sugiura looked at him. He still had that look in his eye; like any minute he could break down. Sugiura thought that it was cruel to make a promise he couldn’t keep, but he also knew that some things were beyond anyone’s control. 

Sugiura could control what he did now; it was one of the few things he felt he could control.

“I promise,” Sugiura replied. He thought about what Higashi had said earlier. “Maybe somewhere down the road when you’re feeling better, we can go to Smile Burger again.”

Higashi blushed. He reached over and held Sugiura’s forearm. The younger man shifted to be a bit closer, moved his free arm to put his hand over Higashi’s. It felt comforting to be in such close proximity. 

“That’d be nice,” Higashi murmured. His eyes fluttered shut, and Sugiura shifted closer; enough to be lying right next to the older man. He felt something gently fall on him. A blanket. Higashi’s blanket.

“Thank you, Higashi-san,” Sugiura whispered. Higashi let out a low hum in response. Sugiura breathed out and closed his eyes. Sleep didn’t sound half bad, truthfully, and being so close to Higashi gave a level of warmth that Sugiura wasn’t used to, but found to be quite soothing. 

Maybe as time went on and Higashi came back from his overwhelming sadness, he’d go back to being that tough yakuza. But right now he was just Higashi, the sad man that felt so alone and like he’d failed his patriarch. Sugiura would be his shoulder to cry on if he needed it. And maybe one day he could open up too; stop lying and just be honest about who and why he was. 

That could be for another day, maybe in the future when they were both in a better place. 

But for now, it gave Sugiura a reason to stick around.