Work Text:
She knows something is up way before the test confirms it.
Lucy is never late. At least not when it comes to her period because with everything else? Eh. She’s known for running late once or twice. They weren’t really trying. They weren’t careful either, though. There was no need for caution back then, they were solid. Because he was - still is- the love of her life. Timothy Bradford was - is - she reminds herself, the one for her. Even if they’re not together at this very moment that’s not going to change. So yeah, it’s a bit fucked up this happened now.
She throws the test in the trash and dials her doctor’s office quickly.
She’s not going to lie, the thought crosses her mind.
For the briefest second when she drives to the appointment, she thinks of ending it. This is by no means the right time. They’ve just come out of another traumatic event for all of them. Tim most of all. A baby is an added responsibility that will not go away and that’s a cruel thought to have. Children are a blessing, not a weight to carry around. Lucy changes into the paper gown the nurse gives her and lays back on the examination table. There’s a knot at the pit of her stomach and it's not only because she skipped breakfast. In what feels like a lifetime ago, she had imagined this. Only back then Tim was sleeping beside her. During late nights when they joked about children and grandchildren she had allowed herself to imagine it. A life together, appointments exactly like this one where he’d hold her hand and cry with her.
Obviously, that’s not happening now. Instead she’s here alone with only a stupid thin paper gown on and no idea what to do. The doctor distracts her for a while as she walks in. Lucy listens carefully as she explains the necessary tests she has to do, how she needs to take it slow with work. No running around, no jumping over things or getting into fights. Lucy nods along, not really sharing her thoughts just yet. It’s not until the doctor turns the ultrasound screen towards her and points out the little black blop. Lucy knows at that very moment that she’d never be able to go through with anything but having this baby, even if she needs to do it alone.
She knows that won’t be the case. Tim would never let her even in this messed up time for both of them. Plus, they have a fucking village. She’s pretty sure they’d set the world on fire if she asked. They already did it once when she was kidnapped. The loud and steady thud of a heartbeat fills the room and she realises she’s crying when the doctor passes her a tissue. A part of her is overwhelmed by the fact that she’s pregnant. Another part, though, the one that gave itself to Tim the moment she laid on him is absolutely floored by how much she needs him here. Her tears double at the thought alone.
Lucy blames the hormones.
She’s not sure which God takes pity on her but she and Tim are on opposite shifts.
That means their paths do not cross. She barely held it together that night they met in the elevator. Much less now that she’s pumped up on hormones and her feelings are all over the place. Lucy is not sure she’d be able to handle seeing him right now. Not when she’s trying to keep down food and not fall asleep on her feet. One moment she’s happy and loves everyone, the other she wants to burst into tears.
She feels eyes on her constantly. John drops by her desk every few hours with snacks and gossip. Bailey keeps texting the group chat they have with memes. She knows she’s been quiet and they’re trying to fill the space. Nyle and Angela hover around her as if she’s about to break down. Maybe that’s what they’re all waiting for. Yet she doesn’t. Lucy goes through the motions for a few days until she makes the mistake of opening the drawer with Tim’s things in her bedroom. That’s when it hits her that he hasn't been here in weeks, so much so his pillow no longer smells like.
It’s like a dam breaks open, falling over her. The water pulls her under and Lucy cannot stop the tears even if she tries.
Lucy goes to the only person she knows will have the answers she needs.
She sits in her car for a good twenty minutes. Contemplating starting it up again and leaving. She can deal with this head on and resolve it like she’s done many times. Sorting things out and restoring the peace is a trait of hers after all. She can also pack up and run away. The thought alone fills her with guilt. No matter what went down between them, Tim does not deserve that. She knows what he went through growing up. Robbing him of the chance of meeting his own child would be a cruel thing to do. She takes a deep breath and steps out.
The two feet from her car to the front door of the house feel like twenty miles. The door opens before she even knocks.
“I’ve been waiting for you.” Angela narrows her eyes, looming over the threshold. She steps aside, letting Lucy into the house.
“Somehow, I do not doubt that.” Lucy shrugs and takes a seat on the couch. She watches as Angela disappears into the kitchen without a word and comes back ten minutes later, two steaming mugs in hand.
“Ginger tea.” She offers as an explanation and Lucy eyes her carefully. “Child, please. I’ve been pregnant twice. Do you really think I don’t know what morning sickness looks like?” She drops on the couch beside Lucy and turns to face her. “I’m listening.”
“I’m pregnant.” Lucy says the words out loud for the first time since her doctor confirmed it. Sure, she’s thought them and felt the changes in her body but never actually formed the words. Never sounded them out, it makes the situation more real somehow.
“I had no idea.” Angela teases taking a sip of her tea and they can’t help but laugh. “Are you going to tell him?” It’s a loaded question. Angela is not sure which way Lucy wants to take this so she’s preparing for every possible scenario.
“I have to.” She nods, taking a sip from her tea. Angela is right, it does help her stomach settle a bit. “He has a right to know.” Of that, Lucy never had a doubt.
“But?” Angela prompts, sensing there’s more.
“I’m scared.” Lucy admits. “I’m scared that he’s going to walk away again if things become tough or god forbid he thinks he needs to protect me again.” She wipes a tear that dares to escape with the back of her hand. “I will not survive it, Angela. I barely survived this one and it wasn’t without any wounds. There hasn’t been a day without tears or anger and it’s hard to make peace with what happened. All I want is to take him back but-” She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “Fuck this.” Lucy can’t control the tears that spill from her eyes. “Fucking hormones, god.” She looks up, trying to regain her composure. It doesn’t help a single bit.
“Come here,” Angela orders and pulls her into a tight hug. It’s not nearly as comforting as Tim’s but it will have to do. The sobs crawl their way up her throat when Angela starts rubbing her back gently. “That’s it, let it out now because we need to talk about this.” It might be a minute or an hour, she's not sure. Eventually they pull apart and Angela shoves the now cold tea in her hands again. Lucy downs it in one sip. “Timothy Bradford is an idiot.” Angela says the words as a statement teasing a wet laugh out of Lucy. “He’s rough around the edges and set in his own ways and most of the time refuses help. I understand what you’re going through better than anyone because he is my best friend. I’ve been through this with him before.” Lucy opens her mouth but Angela holds a hand up to stop her. “His actions come from a good place, Lucy. Tim thought he loved Isabel-”
“I’m not Isabel!” Lucy snaps, anger rising inside of her.
“I know that.” Angela bites back. “Isabel was weak. There’s no other way to put it. She had always been weak for this job. You , Lucy Chen are anything but that. You’ve proven it so many times as long as I’ve known you.” Lucy can hear the pride in Angela’s voice. “It doesn’t change the fact that Isabel getting addicted put Tim in a bad place. Take the way he was when you met him and multiply it by a thousand. Do you know what that kind of math will give you? Tim’s demise, because the love he had for her is not even one tenth of what he feels for you. I was there when Caleb took you. I was there for the search and when they found you. I was there when he stayed with you in the hospital and followed you around as you recovered. If anything were to happen to you, he will not survive it. When he walked away, stupid as it sounds, he thought it was for your own safety.” Angela lets out a long breath.
“I can protect myself.” Lucy crosses her arms over her chest stubbornly.
“I know that.” Angela nods. “ He knows that. However, his first instinct is to protect you anyway. I’m not saying that you need to forgive him straight away. I’m game if you want to beat him up first, I’ll hold him down for you,” Lucy laughs at this. “We all know one thing for sure, though. You are it for each other. The one and only, the love of each other’s life and it’s scary.”
“I love him.” Lucy admits. “Even after everything that happened I still love him with every fibre of my being.” That has always been the case, she realises.
“And he loves you too.” Angela shrugs.
“What if he’s not ready for a baby?” She asks, almost too quietly.
“You’re never ready for it. No matter how many times you do it, you’re never ready for any of it.” Angela counters.
They sit in silence for a bit, both lost in thought.
“I think I know what I need to do.” She says finally and Angela smiles warmly.
“I call godmother,” Angela teases and Lucy laughs. “Don’t even think of asking anyone else. I’m gonna hold this over his head his entire life so he’ll never step a foot out of line. That way you can stop worrying and be happy.” Something warms Lucy’s insides at her words. Here is one of the strongest women she’s ever known, promising to have her back for an eternity and a day.
“Deal.” Lucy smiles and pulls her into a hug. “Thank you.” She says when they pull back and Angela nods.
“You’re welcome.” She pushes Lucy to her feet. “Go tell that idiot he’s going to be a father and record it. I need it to be able to bully him in the future.”
“I’ll try.” Lucy laughs as she makes her way out, a bit lighter than when she came in.
She half expects her text to be left on read.
It doesn’t. Tim lets her know he’ll come by in an hour. Which leaves her enough time to tidy up the house and shower. Her conversation with Angela plays on loop in her mind. Lucy is going through all the new information she’s received. She rarely allowed herself to think of Isabel in any capacity. It was a part of Tim’s past she’s not particularly fond of. Even though they haven’t been together in a while there’s still an irrational part of her that’s scared Tim will realise Isabel is the true love of his life and will go back. On a very sad note it never dawned on her that she is in fact the one for Tim even though Lucy has known he’s the one for her all along.
A knock on the door pulls her out of her thoughts and she jumps a bit.
She doesn’t realise what she’s wearing until she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Lucy opened her closet and grabbed the first thing she found in it. She takes it as a sign from the universe that that thing was Tim’s pyjamas. By the look on his face when he sees her Lucy thinks he agrees too.
“Hi,” He shuffles his feet, hands shoved into his pockets and it’s clear to her who has the power here. She’s known him long enough to be able to tell that Tim is unsure about what he’s doing here.
“Hi,” She smiles and his shoulders relax a bit. Clearly, this is not a hostile environment. “Come in.” She steps aside and watches as Tim takes a seat at the kitchen island. Lucy grabs a water bottle for her and a beer for him without asking. She’s pretty sure he’ll need it.
“I’m happy you reached out,” He breaks the silence, taking a sip from his beer. “I was going to text you myself but you beat me to it.”
“Angela?” She asks, smiling, taking a sip of her water.
“Who else?” Tim smiles back and it reaches his eyes for the first time in forever. It’s no secret that Angela Lopez has been the loudest person to talk about how stupid both of them are. Now that she knows Lucy’s secret even more so. For a moment it’s like the past few weeks haven’t happened. Like it’s just them spending time together after work, catching up.
“Everyone needs an Angela in their life.” She nods her head trying to find the correct words. How do you tell the love of your life, who broke up with you because he’s an idiot, that you’re actually pregnant with his child? Lucy hasn’t figured out a good way so she goes straight for the kill. She grabs her wallet from where she left it earlier and pulls out the black and white stripe of pictures. She slides it across the little space between them and watches as realisation dawns on Tim’s face. “I’m pregnant.” She rips the words off, like a bandaid.
“Um…” Tim traces the pictures with his fingers gently. There’s not much to see there at nine weeks but the doctor has circled the baby for her. She kept losing it and bursting into tears because of it.
“It’s yours by the way.” She adds as an afterthought and Tim fixes her with an exasperated look.
“I sure hope so, Lucy!” He rolls his eyes and takes a deep breath. She studies him as his expression changes. Going from realisation, to happiness… to dread. As if he’s scared he’ll be denied this too. He lost so much before, why would life be kind to him now.
“It wasn't planned or anything.” She tries to explain. “I’m around nine weeks gone, so I think it was the weekend vacation we took.” That was time well spent with Lucy mostly on her back. Which is really how they got into this situation to begin with.
“I see,” He nods, eyes still trained on the pictures of their baby. His forehead is creased up in thought.
“I want you to be as involved as you want.” She says quietly. “Obviously you have the option to not be at all but if you want…” She trails off and he finally looks up at her. Their gazes lock and there’s so much emotion in his eyes that Lucy cannot handle it.
“Lucy-” He tries to say but his voice catches. Something loosen in her chest at the sound. Because she’s pregnant and hormonal and she really misses him. Lucy is making her way around the kitchen island and into his arms before she realises it. The kiss is soft and slow, his hands resting gently against her waist, thumps rubbing against her clothed sides. Lucy slips her fingers into his hair and pulls him closer. It lasts until the need for air becomes greater than the need for each other. She rests her forehead against his, sharing breaths.
“You have one chance,” She whispers against his lips. “One last chance, Timothy. If you step out of this door again I’m never letting you back in.” Her tone is serious and it only serves as a warning. One foot out of line and he loses her and their baby.
“Never again.” He shakes his head and dives for another kiss.
He’s never letting go of Lucy ever again.
And when I was shipwrecked (can't think of all the cost)
I thought of you (all the things that will be lost now)
In the cracks of light (can we just get a pause?)
I dreamed of you (to be certain we'll be tall again)
(If you think of all the costs)
It was real enough (whether weather be the frost)
To get me through (or the violence of the dog days)
(Out on waves being tossed)
But I swear (is there a line that we could just go cross?)
You were there