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Joshua blinked several times as his eyes adjusted to the gentle glow of a lantern's light illuminating the tent. Shadows waltzed and flickered across the course fabric, depicting their intimacy, and the gentle, caring touch of Jote's fingertips set his skin alight. Their intermingled breathing filled the space inside while the world lay hushed outside. Joshua lost her visage momentarily as an out-of-place bright light sliced her image. His hand shot out to grasp Jote, only to pass through her as the dream slipped away, dissolving like mist in the morning sun's peeking rays. The realization crashed over him as a surge of emotions threatened to engulf him. He fought desperately to hold on, keep the dream alive, and not let Jote fade, but it was futile. Jote slipped through his fingers again, but he could not stop it.
Jote's eyes softened as she gazed down upon him, filled with love, yet a sadness lingered behind them. "It's time for you to wake up," she said quietly like a gentle caress.
Joshua's chest clenched with the impending separation, and he could feel himself sobbing in response. He tried desperately to cling to her, tightening his grip forever to hold onto their moment. He wanted to imprint every detail in his memory: the scent of her hair, the warmth of her body, and the sound of her voice, but piece by piece, her image shattered before his eyes.
"I cannot bear to be without you," he confessed as his voice quivered and tears rolled down his face. He futilely caged Jote in his arms as the weight of realization pressed him to wake up.
"You never truly will," she smiled and combed her fingers through his hair and forehead before nestling her head against his heart. "I'll always be here, with you."
The dream finally ended with one last lingering kiss, and their intimate space dissolved into a harsh blur of light and shadow. The living realm yanked Joshua back, and the sensation of waking was poignant and cruelly abrupt. The memory of Jote's touch lingered on his skin like a phantom, sending a tingling sensation over his body, and he took a deep breath. His room was quiet, but he could hear seabirds squawking in the distance. He lay there for unmeasurable moments, listening to the world move on without him, and he mourned the loss of his beloved Jote, wondering if he would see her again.
It had been five years since Joshua had conjured her likeness through forbidden magics, a desperate attempt to fill the void left by her death at Caer Norvent. But now, with magic banished from the world, she was gone once more, leaving Joshua to grapple with the same aching loneliness he had felt all those years ago after Benedikta Harman took her away from him.
He clenched his fists, digging his nails into his palm as he fought to contain his grief. Once bustling with life and laughter, the Hideaway felt like a tomb. Every corner held memories of her: the Backyard, where he would observe her while she cultivated herbs for his medicine; the Infirmary, where she would tend to his wounds; and The Pier, where they would watch the water forever and talk about anything.
Though that visage of Jote wasn't real, having her egi by his side allowed him to evade the pain that would have ultimately destroyed him at the time. Joshua knew if he didn't perform the act, he would have faltered in his mission and spiraled into a vortex of depression he would have never escaped from.
That was all gone now, ripped away by the magic that had once given him hope.
"We did this all for the greater good," Clive began, choosing careful words as he considered his brother's grief. "A future where we could live and die on our terms."
"The greater good," Joshua echoed bitterly. "And what about my good? What about the only thing I could do to keep myself sane after she died?"
Joshua turned his head away from Clive, conflicted; while he was happy to be with him again, he felt rooted in place, going insane with the grief of losing Jote a second time. He was ill-prepared. "I wish... I wish you had left me for dead," he spat venemously.
Clive stepped forward, placing a hand on Joshua's shoulder. "Why would you say such a thing? I understand your pain more than you know, but Jote—Why didn't you tell me?"
Clive's voice was soft and tentative as he breached the sensitive subject with Joshua. Joshua slowly turned to face him, his eyes red-rimmed and hollow as he spoke.
"I had convinced myself she was my Jote." Joshua's voice was a whisper, laden with pain. "That the original hadn't died in Caer Norvent when I refused to cooperate."
Clive once again tried his best to stay on the edge of Joshua's angry words as he chose a careful reply.
"I'm so sorry, Joshua," he paused for a long time. "But, I don't think Jote would have wanted you to live an illusion. If she were everything you remember her to be, she would have wanted you to find peace and move forward."
"Move forward?" Joshua scoffed. "How can I move forward when every step reminds me of her absence? She was my friend, my confidante, my lover. Without her, I am adrift."
"No, Joshua," he squeezed his shoulder again. "You have the strength to keep going, and people around you will support you if you falter. Let her memory be your anchor. What she stood for, what she meant to you, that remains. Let her adoration and loyalty she showed you be your guide."
Joshua looked away, struggling with his emotions. He knew Clive was right, but the emptiness inside him was overwhelming. He had to find a way to cope, to survive in a world devoid of the magic that had given him solace.
Days turned into weeks, and Joshua withdrew into himself, wandering the Hideaway's halls like a ghost. His days blurred together in a haze of duty and sorrow as he avoided the places that hurt the most, choosing instead to lose himself in work and the mundane tasks of rebuilding his homeland. The pain was always there, a shadow that followed him relentlessly.
He would awake each morning, but the hovering emptiness stayed beside him as a stark reminder of Jote's absence. He moved through his responsibilities mechanically, attending meetings, overseeing the rebuilding efforts, and ensuring the people of the Hideaway and their allies would thrive in this new era devoid of magic. Inside, he felt like a shell, hollowed out by grief and longing.
Joshua knew he needed to find a way to move on without Jote, but each minute, every day, felt like an impossible struggle. He had hoped finding solace in duty would grant him reprieve, but the distraction of governance was not enough to dull the ache in his soul. When night would fall, and the Hideaway grew quiet, the loneliness would descend upon him and crush him like a vice.
Everywhere he went, memories of Jote haunted him because of his powerlessness to defend her from her demise. The Atrium where they would star gaze seemed barren, the echoes of their laughter lost to the wind. Once a place of shared discoveries, the Shelves felt suffocatingly silent. Even the simple act of dining was a grave reminder of her absence, her seat forever empty.
One evening, as the moon cast a silvery glow over the Hideaway, Joshua wandered aimlessly, his mind restless and uneasy. He found himself in the Backyard, drawn to the place that had been her sanctuary away from the Infirmary. The flowers were in full bloom, and their colors were vibrant and alive, swaying gently in the breeze. Joshua sank to his knees beside the roses, brushed his fingertips against the soft petals, and finally allowed himself to weep, his tears falling freely upon their petals.
"Jote," he whispered, choking on his emotions. "I don't know how to do this without you." His breath stuttered and shook. "I can't keep living like this," he murmured.
As he cried, a small, aetheric butterfly landed on his hand, its wings transparent and iridescent. He watched it momentarily, marveling at its beauty close up until it faded away. He heard the soft rustling of grass behind him and quickly brought his arm up to his face to wipe away the remainder of his tears once he realized he wasn't alone. He turned his head slowly to see Jill as she approached slowly with an understanding and kind look in her eyes.
"Joshua," she said, speaking softly. "I hope I didn't interrupt you."
Joshua shook his head, gathering his strength to quell his vulnerability. "No, you did not. Why are you awake at this hour?"
Jill smiled at him tenderly. "I've been looking after you since you returned to us after Origin. You have come here every night to mourn her. I understand why you loved her so much. She was a remarkable woman, and I understand your pain. Perhaps I can offer a small piece of advice," she said, kneeling beside him.
Joshua spared a glance at Jill, his eyes weary but attentive. "Please, any advice would be welcome."
She smiled and took his hands into hers. "Grief is a heavy burden but also an attestation to the love Jote, and you shared all those years. Instead of trying to forget her, why not honor her memory by living the life she would have wanted for you? I don't think she would want you wasting your life away without her. She devoted herself to you, not so you could be consumed by sorrow, but so you could be strong and lead with the same compassion and dedication she showed you."
Joshua listened, and Jill's words resonated deep within him. He realized he had been so focused on his loss that he had forgotten to celebrate the life Jote had lived and the dream she had dedicated her life to. She had been selfless, brave, and kind, giving her all to ensure his well-being. To honor her, he needed to embrace those same qualities and continue the work they had begun together.
Joshua smiled at Jill. "Thank you. Your words mean more to me than you can know."
She smiled and gave him a big hug before she took her leave. Joshua remained in the garden longer, and the night air was cool against his skin. He knew the path ahead would still be fraught with challenges, but he felt a tiny spark of hope rekindling within him.
Clive and Jill were right. It was time to honor Jote's memory not by clinging to the past but by living a life she would have been proud of. With a deep breath, Joshua stood up, his resolve hardening. He would carry her legacy forward, not through magic or illusion, but through the strength of his love for her and the lessons she had taught him.
That night, Joshua could find sleep for the first time in months since Clive had banished magic and he had last seen Jote in his dream. He was again in the Backyard with her, but the scene was different this time. The flowers were in full bloom, their vibrant colors dazzling under a brilliant sun. The air was warm and filled with the sweet scent of roses and lavender. Birds chirped melodiously, and the gentle hum of life filled his senses.
As he wandered around in the expanded Backyard, he felt a presence beside him. He turned, and there she was—Jote, as vibrant and alive as he remembered. Her brown hair shimmered in the sunlight, and her deep brown eyes sparkled with a warmth that brought tears to his eyes. She wore a simple, flowing dress, and her smile was as radiant as ever.
"Jote," Joshua whispered, his voice trembling with emotion. "It's been so long since I've seen you like this in my dreams."
"Joshua," she replied softly, her voice like a soothing balm to his weary soul. I'm sorry. I thought you would never move on if I revealed myself again."
He reached out tentatively, afraid she might vanish like a mirage. But when his fingers brushed against hers, she felt solid and real. He embraced her, holding her tightly, too afraid to let her go again.
"I've missed you so much," he choked out, his tears mingling with the happiness of seeing her again.
She smiled tenderly at him, her eyes sparkling in the light. "I'll always be with you," she started, raising her hand to brush her fingertips against his heart. "Here. Even when you can't see me."
He pulled back slightly to look into her eyes and caress her face. "Every day since you've been gone is a struggle. I don't know if I can let you go," he admitted.
Jote cupped his face between her hands, her touch warm and comforting. "You don't have to, Joshua, but have the strength and the love of your family and friends to carry on. You always have been so strong. You need to believe in yourself as much as I always believed in you."
"The loneliness I feel without you wasn't worth the price of you protecting me," he sighed. "How do I move forward when every moment without you feels so empty?"
"Live the life we fought for," she replied. "Find joy in small moments and cherish our shared love and memories. "Close your eyes. I will guide you."
He closed his eyes, though. He didn't want to lose sight of Jote for long.
"Joshua, you are much more capable than you realize. More people look towards your strength than you know. I believe in you always. Have faith in yourself and use your mind and heart to lead, love, and heal."
Her thumbs brushed over his cheeks, and he opened his eyes when he felt her lips brush over his. After their lips connected, the garden grew even more vibrant and exploded in an immersion of colors, and the scents around them became even more intoxicating. Joshua felt a sense of peace washing over him as memories of his time with Jote filled his mind as they kissed. The despair had been present for so long that he forgot what hope felt like, and when he recognized it, tears cascaded down his cheeks.
"From this day forth," he said, his voice firmer now. "I will honor your memory and live a life you would be proud of."
Jote smiled with pride and love in her eyes. "That's all I've ever wanted for you. With your hands, you can change this whole world of ours. Everything that we had worked for is in your grasp." She took his hands into her before leaning in to kiss his forehead, a gesture of her love and reassurance. "You won't have to say goodbye because I will be with you. Always."
"Don't go yet. Stay with me, just a little longer," Joshua begged, holding her against him.
She pushed back, only a little, to raise her hand to cup his cheek. "Alright. Just a little longer."
"It's almost dawn," she said, stepping back from him. "When you wake up, you'll feel much better."
"I would rather spend an eternity here with you," he nearly choked but continued.
As she stepped back, the light around her grew brighter, and Joshua felt himself gently pull away from her. "I'll be waiting," she smiled. "Until that day, promise me that you'll live your life to the fullest and surround yourself with the love of your family and friends."
"I promise," he affirmed before his world faded to a tranquil darkness. The murmur of his heartbeat thrummed in his ears like a distant drum.
Time seemed to stretch and compress, an indistinct haze clouding the border between dream and reality. As consciousness slowly regained its hold, the darkness ebbed, replaced by the soft, golden light filtering through his eyelids. He inhaled deeply; the air was cool and sweet, redolent from the lake's saltiness. His body felt heavy but rejuvenated as he had shed countless burdens in his slumber. His final dream with Jote lingered in his mind as her words echoed in his heart and mind, giving him the strength to face the day.
He slowly rose from his bed and walked to the window, where his gaze fell onto the tranquility of the lake, bathed in the morning light, which seemed to shimmer with renewed life. He knew the road ahead would still be challenging, but he felt a restored purpose. He would honor and carry Jote's memory with him, using her love and strength to guide him through any challenges he would face in the future.
At that moment, Joshua realized that while he might have lost her physical presence, he had gained something far more enduring—a guiding light that would forever illuminate his path.