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It wasn’t like her to do something like this.
She had always prided herself on her sincerity. Her good faith.
The guilt gnawed at her insides—chewed on the lining of her stomach. Everything felt so numb. She couldn’t feel Daiko's lips against her own, the slide of her tongue. Kazuko's heart squeezed tightly and her stomach churned.
She couldn't even remember how they got here.
She first met Daiko when looking into her for Joko's sake.
She learned quickly that Daiko was the new employee in the office, a transfer from another branch of the company. Her desk was right by Ryusei’s, decorated with polished wooden picture frames and gift shop trinkets. It looked right out of an aesthetic post on social media, a showcase of Instagram know-how and hours of Pinterest scrolling.
Kazuko had followed the vestiges of her daily routine, had watched how Daiko would brew herself tea every morning in the break room, how she would sort through her paperwork the minute the work day began and sift through her emails in the last hour, and seen the way she would tap her red-inked pen against her desk absentmindedly, playing out a tune hidden within her mind.
With prettily pressed clothes and the long-lasting smell of saccharine-scented perfume, she seemed like the perfect girl. For the sake of Joko's jealous streak, Kazuko had pulled at straws, pointing to any fault she could find.
She takes one too many bathroom breaks at work.
She chews on her food too loudly.
She talks to Ryusei like no one else is around.
The flaws were never anything big, but each one she had fed to Joko had only further spurred on her cheating suspicions.
She didn’t see what Joko was so worried about, Daiko was really no match for her.
Daiko brought her back to the moment, threading her fingers softly through Kazuko’s hair. She pressed another kiss to her lips, gently coaxing her further into her lap.
Kazuko’s eyes were closed but more tightly than they should be and her gasps came out forced and laboured. She flexed her fingers and brushed down her dress. She could feel the outline of her car keys in her pocket. She needed to choke out an excuse. She needed to go.
The two pulled away, breaths coming heavy. Daiko looked at her with such a sweet smile. Her thumb slid against Kazuko’s cheek—it was so adoring that she felt sick. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair to Daiko.
“I— it's getting late. I think I should go,” Kazuko whispered.
“Already? We just got started,” Daiko pouted.
Kazuko could see the dilation in Daiko's eyes, the unbridled excitement. Daiko bit her lip and gazed heavily into Kazuko's face, her intentions clear in her stare. She played with the short baby hairs on Kazuko’s upper neck, her fingers deliberate in their movement.
Kazuko didn't want Daiko. The person she really wanted, more than anything, was too far out of her reach.
She wondered if Joko was thinking about her at all. Was she with Ryusei right now?
She remembered when Joko had started dating him a year ago. Kazuko's heart had sunk to the pits of her stomach and hadn’t risen since. She could still see that faithful lunch break in her mind, Joko rambling lovingly about her new boyfriend. She remembered the celebratory cheer she had forced from her lips, wishing them well.
Joko and Ryusei had everything. The shy waves when passing by in the hallway. The buzz and tingle from brushing hands. Smiles ensnared by soft giggles. They bantered so easily, so sharply, so wittily. While Kazuko fumbled with Joko’s passes, Ryusei would easily throw comebacks and passes of his own.
It killed Kazuko to see them so happy. She had known Joko even before working together at the company. She had been by her side through everything. She had loved her through everything.
But Joko had never looked her way. At least not in the way that Kazuko had wanted.
“I have a presentation tomorrow at work. I… haven't gotten everything finalized yet and you know, um, how the boss can get,“ she laughed uneasily.
“Right! Right. That's okay. I'm looking forward to it.”
Daiko pulled away awkwardly, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. Looking to her side, she slipped a strawberry lip balm out from her purse and spread it over her lips. She slid them back and forth and forced a smile. She tilted her wrist, offering a swipe of the lip balm to Kazuko. With a shaky hand, Kazuko accepted the balm and spread it over her own.
She peered at Daiko from the corner of her eye and winced at the sight of her easy smile and loving gaze. Daiko trusted her.
Maybe Kazuko had ended up here because Joko had made her desperate. Daiko had looked her way when she had needed it most.
“You know, I've been meaning to ask. You and Ryusei seem close. How do you know him?” Kazuko asked.
“Oh, Ryusei? He's my cousin,” Daiko smiled.
Joko never had anything to worry about.