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Lucy stares up at her bedroom ceiling, counting the number of lines that run across it for the seventh time. She turns her head to the left, her eyes landing on Tim, who is sleeping peacefully next to her. She watches as his chest rises and falls; their bodies are so close that she can hear the air entering and exiting his nostrils.
When Tim first re-filled the indentation on the left side of her bed, sleeping returned to the luxury it once was. The warmth of his arms around her back steadied her breathing rhythm, allowing her to slip into deep sleep within minutes.
But as the weeks went by, and their feelings for one another were solidified once again, it became harder to avoid the inevitable: Tim was back in her chain of command.
Solving this issue the first time around had its long-lasting effects; Lucy’s career took a hit and hasn;t yet recovered. And as much as she loved Tim, a five-player trade wasn’t a risk she felt was worth taking. Though, there was no way Tim was going to let that happen a second time.
As each day passed, every beer shared with Tim after a long shift was no longer Lucy’s favorite way to decompress; it served as a frightening reminder that one, if not both of them, were going to have to uproot their entire lives for the other.
Jealousy pangs in Lucy’s stomach as she watches Tim sleep; she wishes that every time she closes her eyes, she isn’t plagued with visions of saying goodbye to her friends, or being the new rookie at another division.
It’s a silly fear to have; she loves Tim, and if being with him meant that she had to drive a little farther to work everyday, then she would do it in a heartbeat.
But the waiting is what’s weighing on her mind. Together, her and Tim decided that they wouldn’t notify Internal Affairs until they were ready. It was smart to take time alone, to figure out their new dynamic and get comfortable before letting the world know.
But things were good, and there was no logical reason to push off going to IA. So they had to make a decision.
Lucy reaches her hand out and gently runs her finger up and down his cheek. She doesn’t necessarily mean to wake him up, but the repeated motion causes him to stir.
“Everything okay?” Tim manages to ask as his eyes flutter open and closed.
Lucy nods her head slightly, but her tight-lipped expression lets Tim know that she’s unsettled. He quickly wakes himself up and turns on his side, giving her his full attention.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she shakes her head, embarrassed that she’s woken him up in the middle of the night. “I just… keep thinking about our jobs.”
“Luce,” Tim says sweetly, in the same way that a mother comforts her child who believes she’s seen a monster under her bed. “We’ll figure it out. This is nothing to stress about.”
“I know,” she sighs. She turns to lay flat on the bed, rubbing her eyes with the palm of her hands. “But it is something to stress about.”
“Honey, we handled this once before, we can handle it again,” Tim reassures her, though his words only seem to amp her up even further,
“‘Handled it’ is a bit of an overstatement,” she scoffs.
“I agree that we’re going to have to be a bit more careful about it this time,” Tim concedes, “but losing sleep over it isn’t going to fix the issue.” While Tim meant this more as a gentle reminder that Lucy deserves rest, it comes off more as a weak attempt to shut her up.
“Yeah, easy for you to say! I’m the one who’s going to be stuck on patrol forever. You have seniority, so I’m sorry that I’m a little stressed about losing my job, okay?” She apologizes harshly, and it doesn’t feel like much of an apology.
Tim fights the urge to bite back, to remind her that he never asked her to make the five-player-trade. But stirring the pot won’t help reach his end goal: to get back to sleep as soon as possible.
“Luce,” he starts softly, “I understand why you’re worried, but we can, and will, find a solution to this problem eventually. And until then, we will keep things under wraps and figure it out.”
“It’s stupid, I’m sorry,” Lucy sighs heavily. She hated how work up she got herself, and she felt bad that Tim always got the brunt of her frustration.
“Hey, it’s not stupid! This is a problem that’s going to be a little tricky to solve. It’s nothing we can’t handle, but it’s normal to be worried about it.”
“Yeah, we’ll be okay,” Lucy whispers, trying to convince herself. Deep down, she knows that there will be a solution; they’ll work together and compromise.
“We will,” he smiles. “We’ll figure it out.”
Lucy quickly turns on her side, staring at Tim with wide eyes. “I love you, but Timothy Bradford I swear to god, if you say the words ‘we’ll figure it out’ one more time, I’m going to smack you in the face with a pillow!”
“Okay, okay,” Tim chuckles. “Let’s just call it a night.”
“Goodnight,” Lucy agrees. She rolls towards Tim and nestles into his side, clutching his abdomen until his body heat causes her to sweat.
With Tim’s hands running through her hair, she falls asleep rather quickly. A few hours later she wakes up while twisting and turning; she finds Tim wide awake, simply staring at her as she wakes up.
“Wha- why are you awake?” she asks groggily, her eyes still partially closed. She checks the alarm clock; it’s 5 a.m., less than 2 hours before their alarm was set to go off.
“Now I’m stressed,” he admits quietly.
“Oh my god,” Lucy groans, laughing as she stuffs her face with a pillow. “I’m up now.”