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“Did you just growl at me?” Roy’s voice rang out in his and Dick’s shared bedroom, the covers he was pulling off suddenly being the last of his worries. Dick’s ears drooped as he realized that yes, in fact. He did just growl at Roy for moving a blanket in his own bed. It wasn’t as if Dick never growled, it was just often playful. Or not aimed at pack. Neither of those things being the case at the moment.
“I… I’m just tired,” Dick brushed it off. He buried his nose in his pillow and pointedly did not look back at Roy. Roy sighed and sat down on the bed. He carded his fingers through Dick’s hair, careful to not pull on any knots that may have been hidden in Dick’s mop of wavy hair.
“Robbie, what is going on with you lately? First it’s not letting me take my own daughter from your arms, the next you’re not letting me in our bed.” Roy didn’t sound upset, only worried. Which made Dick feel worse. Curse Roy being as understanding as he was.
“I don’t know,” Dick admitted quietly. His words further muffled from the pillow he was pressed against. “I really don’t. I’ve just been so… so- so high strung lately. I don’t think it has anything to do with you.”
“Well, that makes me feel a little better.” Roy smiled at Dick before leaning down to kiss Dick’s forehead. “But I’m still worried, baby. I’ve seen you get all hyper protective Pack Omega before, but only after really big scares. Everything’s been quiet for the past month.”
“You’re right. You’re… you’re right.” Dick sat up and ran his own hand through his hair. His tail thumped against the bed in a worried rhythm. “I know everything’s fine, really I do, but I just feel like I have to keep it that way? If that makes sense. I know our pup is safe, but every time I see her I feel like I’m fighting for her life.” Dick tried to explain the way his instincts felt, but there was only so much he could do. Roy, despite Dick’s rambly explanation, nodded.
“I figured it wasn’t something derived from sound logic,” before Dick could open his mouth, Roy continued. “Considering that you’ve never shown any hesitation in how I’m raising Lian, it wouldn’t make much sense for you to suddenly not even trust me around her. Even with all your anxiety, your pretty mind wouldn’t jump off that bridge so quickly if it was working right.”
“My brain is fine, thank you.” Dick huffed and crossed his arms, but there was a small smile on his face. “For the record, I obviously trust you with Lian. I just freaked out and suddenly you weren’t Roy Harper, you were some alpha threat. It, again, has nothing to do with you.”
“You don’t have to make me feel better,” Roy took Dick’s hand into his own. “But that is concerning. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you not recognize me outside of really bad dissociate episodes.” Roy bit his lip and thought for a second before sighing. “Alright, let’s really try and figure this out. I don’t want to get this any worse.” Dick did not wanna talk about this any longer, but he knew he couldn’t ignore it until it went away considering it was also affecting Roy. Dick, shamefully, felt tears well up in his eyes.
“I don’t know.” Dick wrapped his arms around himself. “All I know is that I want to keep Lian safe and tucked away in a nest and I don’t want any stray alphas around me right now. Which is weird, I know, but I just…” Dick felt bad whenever he felt unease around someone just because they were an alpha. Just because Dick was conditioned to obey alphas without hesitation, (which caused heavy caution around them,) did not mean it was every alpha’s fault.
“And I count as a stray to your mind right now?” Roy asked gently and not at all accusatory. Dick shrunk back.
“I guess so…” Dick knew there was no point in lying even though he really, really wanted to. “I love you, please don’t doubt that.” The reassurance was more for himself than for Roy.
“I love you too, darling.” Roy smiled before scooting just a bit closer to Dick on the bed. “You wrapped your arms around your stomach,” the archer pointed out. Dick’s eyes widened and he looked down to see that, sure enough, he had protectively wrapped his arms around his stomach, not his chest.
“Oh. Oh fuck.” Dick felt a rush of emotions that could not be stopped. He was pregnant. He was pregnant and feral. Fucking feral! He was so happy to be pregnant, he was going to have a kid with Roy, Lian was going to have a sibling, but he was also terrified. Terrified because, frankly, Dick was a fucking mess.
“Baby…” Roy leaned forward and slowly raised his hand to cup Dick’s cheek. Dick put energy towards not freaking out because the touch was comforting and goddamn he needed to not be wary of his own alpha. “Do you- Do you think we should bond? I know that we said we should wait a bit more, but maybe I won’t read as just another alpha if we’re bonded.”
“I don’t want to do that to you.” Dick’s ears lowered to his head again, his body subtly shaking.
“Dick-”
“No!” Dick surprised himself with how loud his objection had come out. “No, I’m not doing that to you. I am not making you bond with me just because my instincts are going haywire. I’m not doing that.” Dick scent soured substantially which made Roy’s nose scrunch reflexively.
“You’re not making me do anything. I’m offering because you being feral has only been hurting both of us. It hurts not being recognized by my partner especially in relation to our pup, and I can't imagine it’s been pleasant to go day by day afraid of your pups being hurt.” Roy growled before taking a breath. He shifted closer, carefully wrapping his arms around Dick’s body. “I love you, Robbie. I would do anything for you. Bonding to you would be an honor, not a burden.” Dick sniffled loudly, rubbing at his eyes as tears kept escaping them. He felt pathetic crying. Why the fuck couldn’t he be a normal omega who dealt with pregnancy by being lovey-dovey? Why did he have to be such a bitch?
“I still…” Dick sighed, not finding the right words fast enough. He nuzzled into Roy’s neck right against his scent gland. “I wanted this to be different,” Dick admitted. Roy crooned, his arms tightening around Dick’s form. Dick had always been something of a romantic. He had wanted his and Roy’s bonding to be something special or, at the very least, something they put some amount of planning into. Not something they did just to get Dick to chill the fuck out.
Dick wanted to be focused on the happy things. He wanted to be the beaming pregnant omega that everyone had expected he would be. That he expected he would be. He loved parenting Lian with Roy and he had fucking daydreamed about getting pregnant with Roy’s pup.
So why?
Why was this another thing ruined by bad experiences and bad memories?
Dick felt like his heart was being crushed under the weight of his own disappointment. Not a good hero, not a good partner, not a good mother-
“Focus.” Roy’s commanding tone pulled Dick out of his spiral. Dick’s eyes widened as he pulled away from Roy’s embrace. Roy gently shushed him, holding Dick’s face with gentle hands. “Baby, baby- It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re right here with me. You’re in our bed. You know, the same one we’ve had to replace the mattress of twice this year.” Roy laughed a little, though his eyes were still full of worry. Dick nodded a little. They really hadn’t been very careful about keeping their bed from getting destroyed. “I’m sorry about commanding you, but you gave me permission to do that when you were down and I… You were really scaring me there.”
“It’s okay,” Dick assured. Commands were… a sore spot for the omega, (even if they shouldn’t be, he was a fucking Pack Omega for fuck’s sake commands weren’t supposed to effect him like that,) but he had given Roy permission for a reason. “I’m okay.”
“You will be,” Roy corrected. He leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Dick’s. “You will be okay, because you are incredibly strong, but you aren’t right now. But that’s okay. I don’t expect you to be okay right now.” Roy purred which triggered Dick’s own purring. His far more muted, unfortunately a symptom of his foul mood.
“I… I do want to bond with you.” Dick felt the need to clarify. He was pretty sure Roy already knew that, but he didn’t want to risk Roy thinking anything else. “Can we… Can we just try something else first? I don’t want… I don’t want trauma to take one more thing away from me. If nothing else works, if we really can’t dull my protective needs without bonding, then we can do it then, but I just… One thing. I want one thing that’s mine. One thing that happens on my terms.”
“You always know how to break my heart, Dickie.” Roy whined lightly. “Of course we can try other things first.” Roy’s hand found itself down to Dick’s stomach. Dick took a sharp inhale of breath before relaxing. Dick’s stomach was still flat, maybe the tiniest bit rounded if Dick really studied it. That didn’t really matter though. What mattered was that Dick was pregnant. There was a baby pup in his womb and he… he loved them so much.
Dick’s scent sweetened for the first time that night.
“Give me your arm,” Dick said suddenly. He pulled his head back from Roy’s. Roy didn’t even blink before his arm was in Dick’s range to grab. Dick smiled and grabbed it, rubbing the arm against his neck, scenting Roy. “I’m not sure it will work, but maybe if you smell like me you won’t register as a stray anymore.” He knew that many omegas found that they wanted to be covered in their mate’s scent for the length of their pregnancy, so maybe the opposite would work for them.
“Sounds like a perfect idea to me,” Roy praised before kissing Dick’s temple. “Scent whatever you need to. Honestly, it’s a win-win. I get to smell like my lovely omega and you get to hopefully chill the fuck out.” That pulled a quiet laugh out of Dick. He was still reeling from the emotional rollercoaster the night had proven to be, but Roy had always been good at drawing a smile out of him.
“It’s just an idea. I have no idea if it’ll work.”
“I know, baby. Trauma is a tricky bitch and all that. Still, let’s be hopeful, yeah?” Roy pulled Dick against him before laying them both down on the bed. Roy’s hand found its way to Dick’s stomach once again. “If it doesn’t work, we try something else. No harm no foul.”
“I feel like that phrase doesn’t work when I’m actively keeping your daughter away from you.” Dick never could let go of guilt. No matter what reassurances people gave him, guilt seemed to imprint into his heart and never smooth over.
“Our daughter,” Roy corrected, “and you’re still not harming anything or anyone. You being protective over your children is far from a bad thing.”
“When it’s phrased like that, sure, but that’s not the full picture-”
“Dick, the love of my life, please shut up. We’re going in circles here.” Roy adjusted the blankets over them and turned off the lamp on the side table. “Nothing I say will pull you out of that loop you’ve made for yourself, so just rest.” Dick pouted, but didn’t argue. It was probably true. They had gone over the same point multiple times in different ways and still Dick didn’t feel like anything was solved.
If this is what the rest of his pregnancy was going to feel like, Dick was going to riot. He did not like this level of uncertainty. Especially when it came to his pups. Though, that was half of the reason they were even in this situation-
Okay, Dick should probably sleep.
Dick closed his eyes and set his ear on top of Roy’s chest right over his heart. Hopefully the familiar sound of it would turn his brain off long enough to sleep.
“Goodnight, Dickie.” Roy brushed a strand of hair behind Dick’s ear and finally Dick felt his body de-tense. Dick didn’t bother to mumble back a goodnight, instead swiftly letting his eyes close and sleep take him over.