Work Text:
All SM artists (actually all idols) are on industrial grade neutralisers. They have to be. They sell an image to the public. They’re boyfriends or girlfriends or just celebrities, too much of a fantasy to be placed in one specific box or the other, too perfect that they can’t be controlled by such “primitive” urges as those that govern subgenders.
And though the world is better and more evolved and more sophisticated and at times (though not really) more fair than it was in the past, there are still rules and laws and public opinion and status quo.
The fact remains: there are no idols that are omegas.
Or more accurately, there are no omegas that are idols.
Taemin’s sure there are other idols who are omegas. Just like there are idols that are gay, or bi, or anything out of the norm. But they keep it to themselves because idols are still public figures in a society like Korea’s.
And for the longest time, even despite it being legal, it was still practically impossible to be an omega in the industry.
Even though companies would accept you as a trainee if you’d already presented. Even though there were anti-discrimination workshops that didn’t work half the time (Taemin’s heard too much in the bathrooms and backstage). Even though there were laws in place to prevent omegas from being barred from shows and TV.
Despite how private Korea as a whole kept their subgenders secret, there were still actors and idols who were public with them.
Yet not a single omega.
And that is because omega neutralizers, different from the ones alphas use, were not legalised in Korea until 2015.
Neutralizers work differently than suppressants. Suppressants are old school, from when humans first decided to try and control their biology. They’re ancient, and crude, and work mostly by converting one emotion and instinct into another. Ruts turn into a week of being more irritable, ready to explode at the slightest inconvenience. Heats, when the suppressants even worked, turn into crippling pain and nausea. Bad enough to be almost impossible to stay upright through, let alone function as a normal citizen.
Neutralizers are more advanced, only appearing in the last century. They removed everything to do with cycles to the point where the person appeared like a regular beta. They were promoted for alphas first, made for and tested by them first, and so it took a long time for people to realize that neutralizers were only effective for alphas, with any research for the omega equivalent disregarded for more profitable things.
Omega-type neutralizers were only legalised and brought into Korea in 2015.
Which meant any omegas before that had no choice but to deal with either their heats or several unpleasant days on suppressants.
Like Taemin.
All in all, it hadn’t been that bad.
A couple of days or so of unbearable pain every few months. That was immensely better than not being able to promote. Not being able to perform. Having to figure out how to announce that he couldn’t because he’s an omega. Having to deal with the scrutiny. The media would quite literally have had a field day with that.
Taemin presents at 19. Most present earlier, at 16-18 so his situation is rare but not unheard of. He’d once had a conversation with Boa-noona, mostly inconsequential, before she mentioned she only presented at 21. Malnutrition and their lifestyle does a lot, but it’s not like athletes and actors didn’t have a history of presenting late as well.
When he’d finally presented it had been inconvenient, in between their Japan tour. But the situation had also been lucky. Taemin could explain away his brief absence as resting from concerts or practicing. And when he’d had to make an appearance he could pass the short temper and curt answers as stress from the tour over a side effect of his insides feeling like they were cannibalizing.
And Taemin had been… mostly okay with his presentation. He’d hoped to be a beta only because it would have been less work without the need to hide it. As soon as he’d presented he started on suppressants. Besides the brief bouts of pain there hadn’t been much of a change, and between work and getting better, Taemin had better things to worry about.
Being an omega didn’t make him feel weird, and neither did his hyungs (or at least they never said anything to him), so apart from those uncomfortable moments when he had long hair and people seemed far too casual about making jokes at his expense, Taemin carried on with life as he usually did.
Nevertheless, 2015 is still a relief. Taemin passed what should have been his heat with no symptoms or side effects and it had felt so strange to be so… normal. A weight was off his shoulders with one less thing to handle, which meant he had more time and energy on his hands for other pursuits.
He’d stayed on neutralizers since, become so strict about his regime that there were only a few times he’d run out of neutralizers and had to go back to regular suppressants. During then he’d been almost apprehensive of the pain, thought it would be worse than what he experienced but instead it was easier to manage. Maybe because he knew it was only temporary.
Taemin always thought his hyungs had known.
Taemin first notices something’s wrong when Doyoung comes into the SHINee’s waiting room. He glances up from his phone to see Doyoung make a beeline to Minho-hyung. The other idol walks in with tightly controlled movements, trying not to give away the panic in his expression.
Taemin watches curiously. Doyoung first exchanges quiet words with Minho, who then gestures Kibum over, before Taemin notices the attention being turned towards him.
While he’s half listening in he catches Taeyong’s name, and it causes him to straighten up and pay full attention. Only by looking at Doyoung he can tell the other idol wants to ask him something, but the hesitation is odd, and his hyungs look confused as well.
“Is Taeyongie okay?”
Doyoung blinks at his question. Then his eyes shift to the side before he says Taeyong directly asked for him. It’s ominous enough that Taemin immediately heads straight out of the room.
Taemin finds Taeyong curled in the corner of NCT’s waiting room. When he catches sight of the other man he immediately understands.
Taeyong looks exhausted, face pale with mild shivers running through him despite being bundled in what appears to be as many layers as his members could spare. A sharp breath in yields the faintest scent of roses. Taeyong must be several days on suppressants for it to get this bad so fast.
Taemin also notices his hyungs and Doyoung trail into the room after him, Yuta and Johnny hovering at the corner. The rest of the NCT members are elsewhere, and there’s a surprising lack of staff.
But Taeyong probably hadn’t expected to enter preheat. Going off of neutralizers is a gamble at times.
He immediately picks his way to the other man. “Taeyong-yong-yongie,” Taemin sings as he nears, keeping his voice lower than normal. He himself gets so sensitive to sound during preheat.
At his words Taeyong whines, uncurls out of his ball and blinks at him. Taemin telegraphs his movements as he goes to pat Taeyong’s hair, glad when the other man accepts it and leans into his cool touch. He’s burning up.
Taemin’s glad he’s here today, even if music bank is so mind numbingly boring at times. He’s one of the few idols who would have extra neutralizers on hand. And from their conversations, one of the only ones Taeyong knows.
“Lost your meds?” He asks.
Taeyong focuses back onto him as the question registers. He groans, then pouts for good measure. Taemin cracks a grin. It can’t have fully progressed if he’s still able to complain.
“Ran out.”
Taemin raises his eyebrow. Taeyong ducks his head.
“Didn’t pick up new ones.” He grumbles out. And then. “The pharmacy didn’t stock my dosage in time.”
Taemin hisses in sympathy. And to avoid the chance of a complete heat Taeyong had gone on suppressants.
“That sucks.”
Taeyong gives another groan of agreement, then slumps his head into Taemin’s thigh for more head pats. Taemin obliges.
He doesn’t add anything further, stays quiet and lets Taeyong relax more into his hands. But he must have been silent too long as his hyungs speak up.
“Taeyong can take the back up neutralizers, did your managers run out? Was it a bad batch and that’s why Taeyongie’s like…this?”
It isn’t surprising Minho-hyung’s puzzled. Most alphas get snappish during their prerut, not feverish. But Doyoung seems to know what’s going on because he looks cautiously between Minho and Kibum, then back at Taeyong.
“Sorry, Minho-hyung,” Doyoung says finally. “Taeyongie-hyung can’t share neutralizers.”
Minho-hyung furrows his eyebrows, already opening his mouth to speak, and Taemin watches with mild amusement as Kibum-hyung elbows him just in time. His hyung turns to frown at Kibum, but Kibum-hyung is already looking between Doyoung and Taeyong, and Yuta who Taemin can tell is barely stopping himself from coming over.
Taeyong sighs underneath Taemin’s palm, eyes still closed as he continues his head pats.
“I need omega-type neutralizers, Minho-hyung.”
Minho pauses. That’s not knowledge people easily share. But Taeyong already knows about Taemin and Taemin’s told him his hyungs were fine with it.
“Oh.”
They lapse into awkward silence.
Taemin continues stroking Taeyong’s hair. There are a few facts to consider.
He likes Johnny. Minho-hyung likes Doyoung. Both Taeyong and Ten trust Yuta.
And Taeyong is too strict on himself. Being the leader of NCT came with all the pressures, trying to save face and put others before yourself and never seem weak. Taeyong has softened in the last couple of years, noticeable even to him as they’d only grown close during SuperM, but the other idol still feels too much responsibility for his group. And this comeback is important, enough for Taeyong to try and take suppressants through a heat instead of miss it.
Suppressants are difficult to deal with. Side effects vary person to person, and suppressed heat symptoms make them worse. Taemin had gotten through it fine because he became used to it. But that didn’t mean it had been easy.
For Taeyongie, who’s probably not had to suppress a heat before…
All in all, it’s a relatively simple decision.
“It’s okay Taeyongie, you can use hyung’s.” Taemin says. And waits for the reaction.
He sees Doyoung blink. Johnny and Yuta both make a sound. Taemin’s hyungs freeze. Well, that part’s expected. Taemin rarely if ever speaks about his presentation.
But Taeyong only pulls back to frown at him, taking his queue to treat this conversation as if it’s normal. And it kind of is despite their company. They’ve had a few conversations here and there.
“I can’t just take your neutralizers hyung, you need them.”
“I have enough to spare until yours comes in.”
“What happens if you run out?”
Taemin shrugs. It’s not ideal, but, “Then I run out.”
“And if you go into heat?”
“I’ll take suppressants.”
“Then you could get like this.”
Taemin hums. That's always a risk.
“This sucks.”
“It does.”
“I feel like I’m dying.”
“Technically, it should only feel like two of your organs are dying.”
There’s horrified silence.
“That was a joke.” Taemin clarifies. ”Really, Taeyongie. It’s fine. I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t willing. You’re obviously in the middle of the worst of it. And it’s not like I haven’t done it before.”
He can feel Taeyong’s stubborn streak begin to kick in. But Taemin’s just as stubborn if he puts his mind to it. And Taeyong’s almost about to argue back before his face twists and he curls into himself with a gasp.
Johnny twitches from his position. He feels Minho-hyung twitch in concern as well before Taemin shakes his head at them both.
Taemin focuses back on Taeyongie, redirects his touch to Taeyong’s neck. Taemin always holds too much tension there so maybe the other man’s the same. He presses down and massages the stiffness away, tries the one trick one of his dancer-noonas had taught him to relieve headaches, continuing until Taeyong’s able to relax again.
“I’ll be fine, Taeyongie.” Taemin says softly, when Taeyong’s breathing turns easy and he stays silent out of stubbornness.
Taemin continues petting Taeyong, ignores the others in the room even as he’s glad his hyungs are here. Taemin doesn’t think he’d be half as successful at holding the other NCT members back if they weren’t.
He gives Taeyong the time to think. They’ve had conversations about this before. Calculated risks are not new to them. Taeyong knows he can handle a suppressed heat if needed, and it would suck for him to miss out on promotions. When another spasm makes Taeyong curl again in pain and Taemin holds him through it, eventually Taeyong must give in because there’s a sigh before he slumps further into Taemin.
“Thank you, hyung.” Taeyong agrees softly. Reluctantly.
Taemin perks up. Great. He gives a few more head pats because he doesn’t want Taeyongie to feel bad about it, deems him okay for the time being and makes his way to a stand.
Taemin turns to Doyoung, who immediately looks away as if he hadn't been staring.
“Come on Doyoungie, I’ll pass you my neutralizers. Do you have his pill bottle? Cool, take that with you, they need to be stored properly or they’ll get damaged.”
He then turns to Yuta and Johnny. “The medication will take at least 30 minutes to kick in. Have you been with him during a suppressed preheat before?”
They both shake their heads. Johnny seems unusually ruffled. “Not on suppressants.”
Not ideal, but not horrible. Taemin nods. “Taeyongie will let you know if he needs anything. If it gets worse and he’s too stubborn, call me.” He ignores Taeyong’s pout, pats him once more and with a “get well, Taeyongie”, leaves.
Doyoung and his hyungs follow him silently back to their room. Doyoung's a given. The two of them are not close and he's pretty sure the other is only respecting his privacy and not asking any further questions. His hyungs on the other hand, them being quiet is strange. But perhaps it’s just that they’re in unfamiliar territory.
They stay silent while Taemin opens his bag to pull out his pills, watching as he gives half to Doyoung with the instructions to tell him if they need more.
When Taemin sends Doyoung off and the door is firmly shut behind him both of his hyungs turn to him, and he’s faced with their full attention. The mood very quickly gets weird.
Taemin stares at them bemused.
“Are we not going to talk about this?” Kibum-hyung asks.
“At what?”
“You gave Taeyongie your neutralizers.” Hyung says flatly.
“…Yes?”
“He needs omega-type neutralizers.”
And Taemin is still not getting it. He nods slowly.
“I use omega-type neutralizers? And I had enough to spare?”
He sees his hyungs awkwardly pause. Taemin continues to look at them because he doesn’t understand. The silence drags on too long.
“Since when?” Minho-hyung finally asks.
The two both look horrified. And confused. And the slightest bit upset.
Taemin blinks. Huh.
“You didn’t know?”
“Of course we didn’t know! How could we?”
What.
“I presented in 2012.”
Minho-hyung’s eyes become even bigger at his words. And Taemin can feel his shoulders begin to hunch as several things click.
He hadn’t realized. He’d thought his hyungs would be fine with it. They’ve never acted this way before. He’s hesitant to speak as he glances between the two of them because up until now he'd operated on the assumption that they knew he was an omega and didn't care.
To their credit, they immediately catch on because his hyungs soften.
“We didn’t know, Taeminie.” Kibum-hyung explains.
Yeah. He knows that now. It would have been helpful for someone to have told him that sometime in that past decade or so. And even still he has so many questions because how? It’s not like he tried to hide it and secrets don’t stay such for long in their industry.
Taemin fiddles. As he begins to play it off Minho-hyung quietly asks if they’d ever made him uncomfortable, and then Taemin is stumbling in his haste to assure them no, because his hyungs haven’t ever made him uncomfortable, not about himself, and he’d always just assumed they were aware.
At least the two look marginally more at ease at his reassurance. Even if Kibum mentions that if they’d known they could have helped him.
Taemin uses the opportunity to roll his eyes.
“It’s not that big of a deal, hyungie. It wasn't nice, but I was fine. And it’s not like you could have done anything. Neutralizers were only legalised in 2015.”
At his words Kibum-hyung clicks his tongue and sniffs, fake affronted. “Taeminie. Do you honestly think we wouldn’t commit crimes to make sure you’re not in unbearable pain every few months.”
“It wasn’t unbearable, it just sucked. And yes?”
Kibum’s jaw drops. Then he looks actually affronted. “Jonghyun-hyung would have single-handedly run an illegal drug cartel to get you neutralizers.”
Taemin pauses. That he could probably see. And when hyung puts it like that it does sound obvious.
“...Okay I guess.”
“And all of us would have lied in court.”
Minho begins to object before Kibum looks at him. Then he deflates.
“All of us would have lied in court.” Kibum repeats.
“Well, I don’t think Jinki-hyung would have gotten caught in the first place but alright.” Taemin says for the sake of the argument.
Kibum-hyung opens his mouth to reply before he maybe realizes how the conversation has derailed. Then he starts again, tone more cautious.
“Why didn’t-”
And at that Minho-hyung places a hand on Kibum’s arm. Quells him with a look as he turns to Taemin.
“So, we are tabling this until Jinki-hyung gets back.”
“I don’t think it needs to be-”
“We are tabling this until Jinki-hyung gets back.” Minho repeats louder.
“At least-” And he looks at Taemin earnestly and apologetically. “If you’re okay with discussing it?”
Taemin had been under the assumption that this was all old news and feels very squirmy that Minho even felt the need to ask like that.
“I thought you guys have always known so I don’t mind?” At their pointed silence Taemin sighs once more. “Yes, hyung, I’m fine with it. Even if I doubt Jinki-hyung will have much to say.”
Kibum-hyung starts to reply before he’s again shushed. He huffs. “Fine.”
Minho nods too.
“Now come here.” Kibum-hyung says immediately.
Taemin blinks. “What?”
Kibum clicks his tongue once more and impatiently tugs Taemin in, and then he’s being hugged. Minho comes closer within seconds and Kibum-hyung fake-reluctantly brings him in too, and just like that Taemin is a SHINee sandwich. He accepts it as his fate for the foreseeable future. It’s not like Taemin will ever turn down hugs from his hyungs. All the more so when Kibum-hyung's the one to initiate it.
“Taeyongie looked really rough.” Kibum says into his hair when enough time has passed. Taemin hears the silent question.
He makes a soft sound of agreement. “I’m fine now. And it doesn’t get that bad for me. You don’t have to worry.”
His hyungs only squeeze him tighter as a response, but Taemin doesn’t mind.