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For a long time, Byleth was unable to grasp the idea that she had been asleep for 5 years. Or in a coma, something like that. She was simply absent.
It was a tough pill to swallow. After being in a ravine for that long, according to that one townsman, Byleth was made distinctly aware of how much she had missed. Realizing that for 5 years, life had gone on without her. Time went on, people had to continue. No one would stop for her.
It took a while to reacquaint herself with living instead of being asleep, but the help of her former students made it easier. Those first few days, even weeks were a blur. She remembered meeting them all again, going back to Garreg Mach, Dimitri acting weird, but that was it for the beginning. Life was a lot to take in. The bulk of it all happening in a day was even crazier. Byleth hadn’t even been awake that long.
-
Dedue’s absence was felt immediately. Dimitri’s recount of events dampened the mood.
“He died in my stead. It was a deadly and reckless plan. Because of him, I was able to escape. I am in his debt.” Dimitri explained to the group coldly, but Byleth saw through his voice. Knowing nothing else, she was certain that this was weighing on him more than he let on, more than he cared to speak about. She couldn’t blame him, he lost a brother.
Dimitri denied any further comment on the situation, instead choosing to leave the gathering and head elsewhere. Byleth could feel the tension in the air between him and the rest of her students, though none of them had spoken up about it yet. It seemed like they knew something she didn’t. By the evening, they had each gathered around a table in their old Blue Lions classroom. A happy waking up party.
“It’s really great to have you back, professor. We were so worried you’d be gone forever.” Annette said, with Mercedes nodding in agreement.
“It’s about time you showed up anyways, I had full faith you’d return. Nothing gets past our fearless leader.” Sylvain joked, earning a jab to the side from Ingrid, who spoke next.
“We really are grateful for you to be alive,” she spoke earnestly, “These past years have been harsh and there are many times when I have wished for your guidance.”
“I think we can agree with that. You’re a big role model to us all.” Ashe smiled.
Byleth was at a loss for words. It was just yesterday that everything went down. Her brain couldn’t wrap her head around it being 5 years. Throughout her time as a professor, she had tried to remind herself that she was just a teacher, and nothing more. She tried to tell herself her students forgot about her after class ended and that she was simply a requirement for them to sit through all day. Hearing their words tonight started to make her feel otherwise. Maybe she was more important to them than she thought.
“I was worried for all of you too,” Byleth finally spoke, “The first thing I thought of when I awoke was you guys. I was scared of what may have happened to you.”
“Nah, you had nothing to worry about! You trained us well, we can fend for ourselves.” Sylvain smiled.
“Yes, that's true! I think we were able to do so well all due to the knowledge you have given us professor. We all thank you.”
Byleth blushed a little. “Thank you, Annette. And thank you to all of you. I appreciate the faith and truth you have in me.” She was putting in a brave face. She was struggling hard to comprehend the time that had passed. Their faces looked older.
The group smiled and joked and told stories for long into the night. Sylvain and Ingrid took upon the role of catching Byleth up on the war situation, in the simplest terms possible, as to not ruin the mood. Byleth felt she had a decent grip on the storyline by the time she went to bed. Sitting at the tables pushed together so that all her students- no, former students, could see and speak to each other, Byleth felt something she couldn't quite name. Seeing her Blue Lions again made her unbeating heart swell, and to hear about what each of them had been up to the past 5 years was thoroughly enjoyable, despite much of it being politics. Nonetheless, she was so happy to be surrounded by them again, even when in her experience, it had just been yesterday. It still made her feel a bit odd.
In her 5 year slumber, or coma, whatever, she felt no real time pass. It was as if she had taken a nap and woke up with no sense of time. It was no different than any other rest she had taken, so to hear that 5 years had passed was jarring. It made Byleth feel a little guilty, but also left out. So much life happens in 5 years, and she was sad to have missed so much. Her students’ words of missing her and wondering about her had helped make her feel less forgotten, but the wound still stung.
She didn’t want to be without them. They were her family.
The reunion ended late and Byleth decided it was time to retire to her quarters. She settled back into her old dorm from before, though it seemed to her like she was just going right back to where she had been yesterday, before her 5 year nap.
Byleth was not very tired, which is perhaps expected from someone who had just woken up from the world's longest sleep. She decided to roam around a bit, just to look around and to digest everything that she had taken in over the past many hours.
They were her family. Byleth wandered around the halls of the monastery. After her father died, she felt she had lost everything. Her young life consisted of him and only him. He taught her everything she knew, took her on every mission, every adventure. Jeralt was not only her father, but her mentor and confidant. There was nothing she couldn’t say to him, and he was always honest in his answer, even when it was hard.
Byleth thought her world was crumbling when he died. No amount of divine pulse could bring him back, but she tried nonetheless. Jeralt was her only family, at least for a long time. After becoming a professor and getting to be around her students, Byleth didn’t realize it at the time, but they had become her family too. Her Blue Lion family. The wind blew her hair around as she wandered around outside. It also changed her train of thought.
When Jeralt died, Byleth had a conversation with Dimitri. He had asked her how she was feeling, told her that he was there for her. He empathized with what she was feeling, brought her food when she couldn’t leave her room. He told her that he knew exactly how she was feeling.
He told her she needed to get revenge.
Maybe Byleth had unconsciously overlooked the darkness behind Dimitri’s eyes. Maybe she had- wait where was Dimitri? He had disappeared shortly after they had all arrived at Garreg Mach.
Byleth spun on her heel and began a quicker, less leisurely pace.
Where would the prince be on a night like this? Byleth had been informed that he became quite elusive since whatever happened with Dedue. The Dedue situation was still confusing to her.
The old Dimitri would be one of two places. Up training at the training grounds, or outside getting fresh air. He tended to train more than anything so maybe she should start there.
Byleth headed upwards to the training grounds, looking behind her to, in a way, say goodbye to the greenhouse that she had been staring at. It took her no time to make it there, she pushed into the door and it swung open with a sad groan.
Nothing.
The grounds were bare and decrepit. The team hadn’t made it here to clean up yet. A beautiful moonlit glow was cast upon the once well-used training area. It kind of made Byleth sad. This was a strange sight. Wasn’t it yesterday that it was well-loved?
She was also a bit disappointed that Dimitri was not here, it would be a lot harder to find him anywhere outside, it was a much larger area. She turned around and headed leftward. Byleth had taken a few steps before she realized that she was making assumptions about Dimitri based on what she had known of him previously. Maybe this new Dimitri would have other preferences as to where he took himself at night. Who knows, she would have to get to know him again. Byleth frowned. A new Dimitri.
She quite liked him as he was. Or, as she knew him to be. Maybe he wasn’t around anymore, or he had buried his old self deep inside him.
It was like he was a completely different person. Kill hungry and maddened. He was angry and haunted. Where did the prince go? Byleth thought.
She never found Dimitri that night.
-
Several weeks and many battles later, Byleth finally found herself with some downtime. The fearless Blue Lions had been busy nonstop for what felt like forever. Nothing they couldn’t handle, they were brave and resilient. Much progress had been made against the war, but there was still a long road ahead.
The Blue Lions had become even more of a unit than they had been before. Their teamwork and ability to get things done was impressive, even to Byleth. They had a well-oiled system down for everything, from actual battles to chores and mealtimes.
It was a rather lonesome evening for Byleth, work keeping her busy for most of her life, she felt like she had no real way to pass time otherwise. Her life as a mercenary was measured in jobs. She should really invest in a hobby. Like most nights and evenings, Byleth was out for her daily (perhaps nightly) stroll through the monastery. She had just finished tea with Annette, who had been having trouble working through some mental block regarding a new spell she was learning. Byleth wanted to consult Mercedes who was a much better mage than her on what to say, but all Annette wanted was an ear to listen. Byleth accepted her request, and they enjoyed each other's company.
The Dimitri situation had only worsened with time. He was cold, angry, and reactive. The fleeting moments he and Byleth shared left a bitter taste in her mouth every time. He was not himself anymore. Most times when she attempted to talk, he would brush past her or ignore her completely. On one occasion, he had backed her into a wall, screeching about how Edelgard had to die at his hand, and that he would stop at nothing to make it happen. Mercedes had to use magic on him to get him to back away from Byleth. She would never forget the enraged yet absent look in his eye as it happened. Another time he had nearly fist fought Felix. Byleth had to break that one up.
Her old Dimitri was not in there.
She was starting to wonder when this all happened. At what point within the past 5 years did this start becoming a problem?
The night’s cool air never failed to clear Byleth’s mind. This was one of her favorite times of the week. It allowed her to reflect and digest everything that happened throughout the day. It was important to her own mental wellbeing. Byleth let her mind wander about other things, not Dimitri.
I just adore Annie. It’s always a nice time when we get to have tea. I hope she figures everything out- I know she will, she’s a strong girl. Ashe told me he was interested in riding Wyverns. I think that’s an excellent idea for him. I’ll have to talk to Seteth about getting that all worked out. Seteth will have to train him or find someone to train him, I have no clue how to ride one. Dad only taught us horse riding. Air animals are a whole nother beast. I think that Ashe being in the air will be beneficial to our tactics, he’ll be more mobile and will have a much longer range, but we’d have to cover for his added liability of being more vulnerable. We could def- oh, Dimitri?
Byleth had been talking to herself in her own head for so long she hadn’t realized she had made her way to the other side of Garreg Mach; the graveyard. Her eyes caught his blond hair against the darkness of nighttime. What was he doing in the graveyard?
She hesitantly approached Dimitri, who was standing above a grave, unmoving. It had been long since the two had a decent conversation, one that wasn’t tainted by his bloodlust and aggression. He never attended group meetings, trained alone, and was rarely seen besides on the battlefield. He was often seen standing alone, sometimes muttering to no one. Dimitri had become a shell of himself. It was starting to make Byleth angry.
“Come to see him?” Dimitri’s voice interrupted Byleth’s recollection. She waited a moment.
“Come to see who?” She asked, stepping closer.
“Him.” Dimitri pointed at the stone of the grave he was standing in front of. Jeralt’s. Byleth’s blood ran cold. She had forgotten her father was buried here.
She fished her mind for something to say. It was not her intent to visit her dad tonight. “Just walking around. Why are you here?”
Dimitri huffed and turned his head away. His back was still turned to her, Byleth stood to his left. Why on Earth was Dimitri staring at her father’s grave? What business would he have here?
“I am the cause of insurmountable death. Every soul I’ve had part in taking haunts me. Captain Jeralt’s is no different,” he somehow stiffened even further, “He and I are no different really anymore. I understood his work.”
What? Everything Dimitri said made no sense to Byleth. How could he compare himself to her father? What was he trying to say?
“Excuse me?” Byleth furrowed her brows. “How can you say you and Jeralt are the same?” This was making her upset for some reason.
Dimitri turned slightly to look back at her, staring over his shoulder. “He and I are both dead men.”
Violence was Byleth’s job for the better part of her life. She was a fighter at heart. However, never had she been provoked to inflict harm on anyone unrelated to a job, until tonight. A switch flipped.
Her eyes grew wide. “How could you even say that? You are wrapped in your own head!” Byleth wasn’t sure what came over her, she had never felt such rage. “You are so insistent that you are doomed, that you cannot change. Your fictional atonement hangs over your head like a cloud!”
Dimitri turned the rest of the way around to face her, his fists balling subconsciously. Byleth continued. This felt like a long time coming.
“If you believe yourself to be dead, you will become nothing more. The dead do not change, but the living do. You are alive, Dimitri. You are alive and you can change. You are not ill-fated, there is more to life than debt.” Byleth was blind to Dimitri’s expression, completely caught up in her spiel. “Do not compare a truly dead man to a man with a beating heart. You know nothing of him like I do.”
Byleth felt faint. This was not her intention for tonight.
“You misunderstand me. I am cursed with-”
“It doesn’t matter Dimitri! Your own thoughts are an echo chamber! You hear nothing but yourself and those you believe to haunt you. Your guilt is sound but you cannot live within it.” Byleth was short of breath. Typically a woman of fewer words, this was not normal for her, “You have given yourself no opportunity to grow or heal. The wounds you face are not external right now, you must not see them. You never-”
“Enough! If I had wanted to be lectured by you, Professor, I would have stayed a student.” He growled, scowling at Byleth, but was not truly seeing her. He flexed his arm upwards and raised his fist. “You do not understand the vastness of deaths I’ve taken part in. You do not hear their voices or see the torture on their faces. I can be awarded no remorse, I am the one who caused it. It is only equal that I bear this weight. That’s why I must avenge them and kill Edelguard, it is the only way I can ensure that they did not die for nothing. I won't-” His blind rage subsided for a moment and he could see Byleth. Her face was pained and the slightest of tears welled up in her eyes.
“What happened to you, Dimitri? Where did you go?”
Dimitri’s mouth snapped shut as Byleth turned to leave, one of the tears escaping to roll down her cheek. For the first time in many years, Dimitri heard what was being said to him. The voices went away, and he was present to listen.
Byleth was too far away to catch by the time Dimitri released himself from his rigid position, having stood unable to move while he processed what just happened. Had the professor just cried in front of him? More importantly, did he just make her cry? Why would he, how could he do that? What was the matter with him? Something in him shifted.
-
Byleth made a point to avoid Dimitri for a long time. She intended on only speaking to him when critically necessary, which was not often due to the way their system had been already structured to work around his general absence. It ended in her not speaking to him at all. She hoped no one would notice.
The meeting started off as any other, the group gathering around the large conference table, discussing their next war-related move. Byleth heard next to none of it. It had been close to three weeks since the incident with Dimitri and the world was cloudy. It all felt like mud. Something had awoken in Byleth that night. A sense of protectiveness towards her father was why she lashed out, she thought. It was because he spoke ill of her father, she thought.
It wasn’t.
Upon digesting what really happened, Dimitri never really said anything negative of Jeralt, he just declared that they were of the same essence. Nothing wrong with that, that’s not really why Byleth snapped. But then what was it? It was really none of her business what the man did or felt like, he was a grown man and could take care of it himself. It wasn’t like-
“What are your thoughts, Professor?” A party of inquiring eyes all gazed back at her. Oh, the meeting is still happening. Byleth put on her best act to look as though she was giving it some serious thought, whatever the hell they asked her about.
“I think it would be best if we do allocate our resources there, I think we’d see the most success.” Ingrid chimed in, looking towards Sylvain. He shrugged in agreement.
“I can’t guarantee success but we can give it a shot. Sound good, Professor?”
A simple nod of her head and the meeting broke for the day. She’d have to figure this out in real time later. That was an issue for future Byleth.
It was midday when the meeting let up, and it was almost time for training. Ingrid and Felix had requested to spar with her exclusively, and Annette wanted another tea party. Oh, and Seteth requested her to speak together by dinner. A busy afternoon for her, all the better to drown out the noise in her head.
-
Since when did Felix get so quick? Byleth tumbled to the ground, landing squarely on her left wrist. She felt it pop slightly, stinging immediately as she went down. The look on Felix’s face was priceless.
“Bested. Thank you for the duel, Professor.” He said smugly, still extending a hand to help her back up.
“You’ve gotten sharp, Felix. Your skills are excelling, keep up the great work.” She smiled dryly, ignoring the throbbing she began to feel in her wrist.
“I appreciate it.” Felix turned and left, signaling to Ingrid that it was her turn. He clearly had better things to do than sit and watch.
Ingrid quickened her pace to Byleth when she noticed her holding a limp wrist.
“Is something on your mind Professor? Do you feel unwell? Your movements were choppy and reactive, it wasn’t like you,” She stared with concern “Felix is not a better swordsman than you.”
Byleth met Ingrid's eyes. “Just been having a difficult time sleeping recently, I only feel a little sluggish. It will be better soon.” Ingrid didn’t seem to buy her answer. The look on her face made it clear that she wanted to press more but stopped herself out of respect for privacy.
“I see. I feel that you not being at your best would be a waste of our time here, if it is not a fair fight. May we reschedule this to a time when you’re feeling better,” she pointed to Byleth’s wrist, “And at a time when you are not injured? You should see Mercedes to heal yourself.”
Byleth nodded, picking her training sword up to store it with the rest of the equipment. “I’m very sorry to not spar as we intended. Please forgive me.” She nodded her head in apology.
“Nothing to worry about, Professor. I trust we will train together soon.”
“Thank you, Ingrid. I appreciate your flexibility. I’m sorry I’m not well, anyhow. Any chance you could find another partner? Is Sylvain busy?”
Ingrid laughed. “Funny, Professor. You know him.”
“Some things don’t change.”
Byleth came back from returning her sword and offered to walk with Ingrid. The two took to the exit in comfortable silence. That was something she very much enjoyed about Ingrid, there was no pressure to speak around her. Byleth could be as silent as she wanted, and Ingrid would accept it with no questions. Ingrid was peaceful.
“Have you spoken to Dimitri recently?” Except for this one time. Byleth resisted the urge to make a face. Ingrid’s curiosity got the better of her.
“Not recently, no. Why do you ask? Is something wrong?”
Ingrid opened the training grounds gate for the two of them. “I was just wondering. Felix and Ashe said they see him in the chapel a lot, but he won't speak to either of them, other than to ramble off. Neither have attempted to talk in weeks. I was just wondering if you had gotten any words through to him.”
Ingrid had a hidden talent for asking the right questions to get the answers she wanted out of people. She should look into a job that uses that skill, if she ever decided being a knight wasn’t her goal anymore.
Upon weighing the pros and cons of telling Ingrid the real truth within a split second, Byleth ended up deciding that there was no real harm in confiding in her. Besides, it had been long since she had an ear to spill on. Ingrid seemed like the best person to vent to currently. She was not into gossip like Annette and Mercedes, was not open-mouthed like Sylvain, was warmer than Felix, and was also a fellow woman, unlike Ashe. Nothing personal.
“The last I spoke to him was a few weeks ago. We both happened to be in the graveyard one night,” Ingrid nodded along, the pair heading down towards the dining hall for lunch. “He kept saying something about himself, something about him being dead just like my father.”
Ingrid raised an eyebrow. “What did he mean by that?” Byleth shrugged.
“I have no clue. The main issue was that I yelled at him, quite angrily.” she rubbed her wrist gently.
“You yelled at the prince?” Ingrid’s eyes were wider now, intrigued.
“It sounds worse than it was, I think. I really don't know what came over me.” Byleth sighed. “I think it was a mix of him speaking about Jeralt and me being sick of his… issue. Whatever it is. I am empathetic to him, but he does not believe that he is worthy of a peaceful life, so he keeps himself in his box. Truly I am tired of his talk about killing Edelguard.”
“I think we all are, really.” Ingrid agreed. This was exactly what she wanted to know.
“He did yell back at me, makes it fair I think.” Byleth sighed, running her good hand through her hair.
“This is why you’ve been unwell, isn’t it, Professor? It’s why you let Felix beat you and why you were lost at the meeting. You don’t seem in your right mind. This is what is weighing on you, is it not?” Damnit Ingrid, you pick up on too much.
Byleth didn’t want to answer that. Deep down, she was aware that the situation with Dimitri was what was eating her up, but she did not want to admit it. Admitting it would mean it was actually true, in her mind. Ingrid spoke for her.
“We know how you and Dimitri are, Professor. We know how much you care about each other.” This was news to Byleth. What did she mean ‘we know?’ “It’s been hard on us with how he has been, but I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you.”
For me? Why would this be different to me than it is to anyone else? If anything, Dimitri’s new persona should be hard for Ingrid, Sylvain, and Felix to experience, since they were all childhood friends right? What does she mean by this? Who’s we?
The two had walked past the dining hall, neither making mention of it. Ingrid continued, cautiously.
“We all agree that something is eating away at him, and we have been sort of thinking of things we could do to help it, or at least figure it out.”
“He feels immense guilt regarding all of the lives he has taken, and he is unable to conceptualize forgiveness. He just wants to make things even, that’s all.”
Ingrid nodded but had a look of apprehension. “Well yes, we know that but we think there is something deeper, even beyond that.”
What could possibly be haunting Dimitri beyond his contrite for his manslaughter? What greater remorse could he possibly feel? This is so strange.
“What do you mean beyond that?”
The two finally stopped their stroll at the fishing grounds. Ingrid turned to face Byleth.
“Can we discuss tonight over dinner? I think we would better benefit from a reserved time to speak.”
Good lord, this was unbelievable. In an effort to not create negativity, Byleth agreed.
“Yes, we could do that. Would you like to have dinner in the classroom? We could take our meals there.”
“Absolutely! I feel that Felix and Ashe may have more to say, can we invite them as well?”
Oh fun, a party. “Yes, they are welcome also.”
Ingrid smiled respectfully. “I will see you for dinner tonight, Professor.”
Sothis, what is happening. I want to avoid this, not have a group conference. Oh shoot, Annie invited me to tea.
-
Byleth’s meeting with Seteth went fairly quickly. Nothing to write home about. The next thing on this evening’s agenda was to grab dinner and head to the Blue Lion classroom. Byleth heard it was Mercedes’ turn to cook tonight. Speaking of, Byleth never did see her to help with her wrist, which was now positively swollen and thick. Oh well, it would have to be dealt with later.
Entering the dining hall, Byleth only saw Annie and Sylvain, both immersed in their own conversation, with Mercedes off to the side, rummaging through a bin. Her wrist could wait, it wasn’t worth disturbing her over. Byleth grabbed her meal, a stew, and left.
“Hi, Professor! How have you been?” Ashe asked with a warm smile. He had always been sweet.
Byleth returned the gesture with another smile, albeit less genuine. “I’ve been alright, Ashe. What about yourself?”
“Well as ever!”
Sitting down at the front table, Byleth placed her bowl down and greeted Ingrid and Felix. This was going to be a difficult meeting, wasn’t it.
The four began eating their meals, Ingrid and Ashe chatting casually about some of the stray cats that had been popping up around the monastery. Ashe wanted to name some of them.
“Do you think that would be wrong? I think that I would get attached to them more if I named them. Oh, but he just looks like a Teddy, doesn’t he? He looks like his name would be Teddy.”
“Yes, I think his name would be Teddy, but I agree that you’d be much more saddened if he disappeared if you actually did name him.”
“Let’s cut to the chase. We’re here to talk about Dimitri.” Felix spoke abruptly. Ashe frowned slightly. He was talking about the large white cat that let him pet it the other day.
“I agree. Professor, can you tell Ashe and Felix about what happened with him the other night?”
Byleth did not want to recount her experience again, it made her sad. Having to share yet another encounter with the reactive, dogged Dimitri hurt; he was not like this before. At least, he didn’t show it. This whole ordeal once again got Byleth to think about if she had just missed all of this, if all of the signs were there the whole time, but she and everyone else just missed them. She didn’t know which one she’d rather it be.
Somewhat reluctantly, Byleth retold her story to her three former students. Throughout her retelling. Byleth found herself feeling heavier and heavier, as if the sadness she felt was spreading to her body too. She did not like that feeling. However, it got her thinking, what about Dimitri’s situation was really making her feel so strongly? What if this had been any of her other students? Would she feel the same about them as she does with Dimitri?
Byleth didn’t have the revelation yet, but the answer was no. She would not have felt the same if it were anyone else. She would feel deeply saddened and would wish to help and make it better, no doubt. But the aching, bitter, heartbroken sentiments she was experiencing would not have been so crushing. Byleth definitely felt a different way towards Dimitri, though she would never admit that. She thinks she’d never admit it.
Affection was not easy to come by as a mercenary. In retrospect, Byleth was very thankful to her father for not only protecting her, but giving her love when needed, in his own special way. Jeralt was not the man to baby or coddle, but he knew when his daughter was having a rough time, and knew when to step in to talk about it. Byleth missed him.
When he died, Byleth unknowingly began seeking affection (or as most normal people would call it, personal relationships) for the first time. Previously, Byleth had no real interest in typical human relations; her line of work didn’t call for it. But when the only person in her life to show her warmth died, she knew deep down that freezing would be miserable. She would have to find warmth elsewhere. And she did.
Byleth could go on for days talking about her students. Each one had made lasting impacts on her life in such a short time, Byleth was slow to process it. It was a lot of fun getting to know each of them, learning their stories and personal histories with each other. She would speak endlessly of them if she could, they were all so special. And then there was Dimitri.
Dimitri was a breath of fresh air, a cool evening after a long day. No one held the charm, poise, and charisma that he did. He’s a prince, of course he was all of those things. Besides his general demeanor, Byleth found great comfort in him, unintentionally. It did not take long for the two to warm up to each other. Dimitri was so welcoming to her as their new professor. Before long, they were up late most nights, sharing stories and learning about the other’s lives, how they came to be where they were, and what they thought the future would look like. Byleth took great care in listening to Dimitri’s personal history, understanding how utterly visceral it all was. She did not understand how he was still so cordial despite all that happened to him. How he was still so kind. In return, Byleth enjoyed sharing her own experiences with him, though she felt they were a little lame comparatively. He would laugh and smile and follow along nonetheless, always interested and sure of what she had to say. He made for such a great companion.
Byleth found a warmth in him, even more so after her father died. Dimitri felt like family to her now. They all did, all of her students did, but Dimitri was still just so different. She did not know how to label this difference she felt, but it simply was. Different. Perhaps her lack of emotional intelligence growing up had something to do with her difficult experience with this new feeling.
There was one time in particular that stood out to Byleth. It was after they had won the mock battle on Gronder Field. The Blue Lions celebrated so enthusiastically afterward, Byleth found it to be incredibly enjoyable. The group congratulated each other, complimenting on how they each pulled their weight and worked together. Then they turned to Byleth. They applauded her for her performance, but also for her direction. How she led them to victory with her calculated attack commands. Ingrid and Felix flattered her, their admiration felt special. Dimitri had plenty of thoughtful words for her as well.
“Professor!” he shouted to get her attention. Many students and faculty alike had gathered in the courtyard for a celebration of the mock battle itself. She turned to see him. He was so sweet, already smiling as he excused himself through the crowd.
“Enjoying yourself?” Byleth smiled back at him courteously. The size of the crowd had increased, making her feel too warm and claustrophobic. He bowed his head slightly to greet her.
“I came to say how thankful I- we all are to have you as our professor. You had a full part in us winning.” Dimitri praised her. Dedue appeared behind the prince just then as well. Never too far out of sight. Byleth tried to show her true appreciation but the crowd was too dense, it was starting to make her nervous. She came from a life of vacant space, this was not making her feel good.
Dimitri realized her discomfort and quickly suggested they escape to the side. “Let’s step over here where there are less crowds. Does that sound good?” Byleth nodded, trying to keep her composure. He placed a hand on her back and led them both away. Dedue followed behind silently. Byleth wasn’t helpless in that situation, but something about Dimitri recognizing her unease and doing something about it felt so nice. She felt warm in a good way. It felt good to be taken care of for once.
Once to the side, Dimitri took her shoulders gently. “Everything alright?” he smiled. So warm. Byleth nodded and smiled, for real this time.
“All good. Thank you.” Was she blushing?
“I’m glad. Can’t have our beloved Professor get eaten by the crowd can we?” He looked over to Dedue who shook his head. “We did great today, once again, thanks to you, Professor. Thank you. I’m so happy to have you by my side.”
The Dimitri she knew felt gone. He died. And she was cold again.
“Professor? A-are you alright?” Byleth was brought back to the present by an uneasy-sounding Ashe. She blinked a few times. Were her cheeks wet?
She scanned the three faces fixed back on her. What was the matter with them? She was just telling her story.
“Is everything alright Professor? What is making you so upset?” Felix asked, as gently as he could. Byleth was confused, she wasn’t upset? She was just sharing her story about Dimitri. The one about the graveyard.
In reality, Byleth started crying soon after she started, getting no further than where the two met that night. It all went downhill from there.
-
Byleth awoke in her own room, redressed into sleeping clothes, and tucked gently into her bed. Odd. Ignoring the way she felt slightly violated, she left her mattress right away. She also noticed her wrist was healed back to new; this meant it was probably Mercedes who got her in here, it made her feel less icky. What time was it? After a good stretch, Byleth found more presentable clothes to wear and stepped out of her room. Her hunger told her it had been a while.
The sun was directly above her as she made her way to the dining hall. What the hell happened that she slept for over twelve hours? Did Mercedes put a sleeping spell on her?
Byleth’s return to the dining hall was unceremonious, get in and get out. She was not up for questioning. Wait, it’s a weekday, she missed morning lecture. Shame on her.
It was later that she found Ingrid, who happened to be feeding cats with Ashe near the blacksmithing building.
“Professor! Good to see you’re up and awake!” she smiled gently.
“What the hell happened, Ingrid.” Byleth huffed, irritated. Ashe jumped in.
“Uh, after your- episode, we asked Mercedes to come in and help you calm down. Felix ran to get her. You just kept crying and we didn’t know what to do, so we went to get Mercie to help.”
Ingrid added “We had her use magic to make you fall asleep. I also had her heal your wrist. She and I took you back to your room and she made you comfortable. We didn’t know what to do, Professor. I apologize on behalf of all of us if we overstepped in any way.” She bowed her head in redress.
“It’s fine, I just don’t know what happened. Why was I crying all of a sudden? I’m having these gaps in my memory. What happened that I was so unwell?”
Ingrid and Ashe turned to look at each other with worry. It made Byleth nervous.
“Professor, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this here in the open, I don’t think-”
“Enough rescheduling conversations, I’ve had it. Tell me what the hell happened.” Byleth was getting mad again, something that she had only recently started experiencing. If she remembered correctly, it started happening when she merged with Sothis, or whatever happened there.
Ingrid lowered her voice and spoke softly, with empathy. “When you were upset-”
“Crying, apparently. Yes, I got that, what else?” Byleth cursed herself for being so mean, but she was in such a terrible place she felt she couldn’t control herself. Big issue for her, but she’d address that later.
Ingrid stiffened, slightly offended. Ashe took over.
“Professor, you never really told us what happened. You said you and him saw each other in the graveyard and then you just started sobbing. And you kept mumbling to yourself, it was a very odd and nervous experience for us, we were ill-prepared for it.”
“What was I mumbling?”
Ashe looked hesitant to respond, pausing for a moment. Good grief, what else now?
“You- you just kept mumbling ‘What happened to him’,” he offered, “at least that's what we think you said. It was kind of hard to tell.”
Great. Awesome. All these new emotions, feelings she didn’t know about and couldn’t handle, it was so embarrassing. It was even more embarrassing for her former students to have witnessed it. It felt improper. Byleth furrowed her eyebrows and looked away. What was she supposed to say to that?
I have no recollection of any of it. I went to get dinner and then I woke back up. And now I’m here in front of my students and they are telling me that I was crying and murmuring about how I miss the prince. How professional. This is unbelievable.
“Don’t allow that to become known, please.” Byleth asked, sheepishly. It also felt wrong to ask her students to keep secrets from the others, but this was absolutely a story that she did not need other ears to hear. Ingrid closed her eyes and Ashe nodded.
Ingrid took a deep breath and spoke again, softer than Byleth anticipated. “Professor, we think it would be best if you and Dimitri spoke and talked this through. There is obviously some tens- animosity between the two of you and I believe that you both need to speak your peace.” Even better, more scheduled conversation.
“We as a group think that it’s a good idea,” Ashe added, “Annette thinks you guys should have tea.”
“Oh so everyone is aware of this plan and I’m not?” Byleth couldn’t believe it, her students were making assumptions and ideas about her behind her back. Is that what people did? Byleth did not have enough experience with people her age to know for sure. It seemed odd.
“Please do not take it the wrong way, Professor! We just want what’s best for you and him, and we think that you both should speak together.”
“And have what kind of conversation? Do you think all of a sudden that he will snap out of his blindness and have a serious conversation with anyone, let alone me? He is incapable of holding any form of discussion that doesn’t involve beheading Edelgard or how terrible he is for the lives he’s taken. There is no point. He thinks he’s dead” Byleth steamed.
“If anyone can get through to him it’s you. He respects you.” Ingrid responded.
“Maybe the old Dimitri respected me, but he’s not there anymore. It’s not worth the heartache trying to dig into him. It already hurts enough seeing him as he is, I don’t want to indulge in any more exchanges. It- it makes me unhappy.” Byleth choked out, her throat starting to feel tight and dry.
“And just give up on him because it makes you sad?” Ingrid’s face was rigid, her jaw clenched. That was her childhood friend they were talking about, a friend and a future king that she had every intention of serving. Ingrid needed some sort of change with Dimitri. He needed to see the light and be the land’s noble king. She needed job security.
Byleth gave up. “Alright, I’ll talk to him when I see him next.”
She had every intention of not speaking to Dimitri after her spat with Ashe and Ingrid. She made up her mind that it was worthless, so why bother. He was gone. She had too much to catch up on anyway with her sleep issue today.
Key words; every intention. Byleth saw Dimitri later that night.
-
Byleth was making her way back from Seteth’s office. Their meeting was rather long, she needed to inform him of the events that had transpired. It was more so her telling her own side of the story; Ingrid, Ashe, and Felix already filled him in on what happened with her missing lecture that morning. She was just glad the day was over. Enough had happened. Sort of.
Coming down the staircase, Byleth’s first mistake was taking a quick look into the chapel. It appeared vacant and dimly lit, but it was a third-party space and Byleth was starting to get sick of her room. Upon gaining the ability to feel real human emotion, Byleth had learned, albeit quite late in life, that it was important to decompress and sort through feelings. Letting them pile up and bother her in the back of her brain felt bad in the long run, so she was beginning to grasp the concept of self-care, at least that’s what Mercedes called it.
The lack of light was a bit haunting, but Byleth found it to be quite calming. A bright light would have bothered her. The walls and glass were still in disrepair but had a distinct beauty to them. If the Church of Seiros had one thing going for them, it was architectural design. They made this place beautiful. Byleth sat down behind the frontmost pew, leaning back against the seat almost immediately. Would it be considered wrong to kick her feet up? Probably. She didn’t need an earful of Sothis for it. Byleth was sure she would find a way to scold her.
The decompression began. Byleth laid back, the bottom of her head resting on the pew. What was even happening anymore. Everything became so confusing all of a sudden. Ever since she awoke and reunited with everyone, things had been so different. She thought she could get used to Dimitri’s weird behavior eventually, and she was really on track for it. She was about to forget about the whole graveyard thing when Ingrid dragged her back down into that hole. Byleth would rather blame it on Ingrid than face her own truth: this was not something that she could so easily get over.
Partly into self-care time, Byleth realized what she was feeling now about her situation with Dimitri felt an awful lot like how she felt when her father died. But hadn’t she already realized that? She knew experiencing death was a miserable feeling to go through, everyone seemed to know that. She knew she felt cold again, she knew she loved Dimitri, what else needed to be figured out?
Wait.
She loved Dimitri?
Byleth’s eyes shot open and her body jolted upright. No. This was not the revelation she came here for. She came to make peace with her thoughts, not decipher her romantic feelings for the prince. This was not her intention, not at all. Not tonight, not ever. Why was she angry again?
Her heart raced. She did not need to think about this right now. There was too much important work to be done in her life to be plagued with something like love and feelings right now. There was a war to be fought, battles to lead, allowing herself to indulge in her affection would only weigh her down.
So you’re admitting there are feelings? That you love him?
That internal thought felt like Sothis. Maybe she really was still inside her brain.
Byleth abruptly stood up and made her exit back down the rows of seats. This was a waste of time. Loving Dimitri was like loving a wild boar. The Dimirti she “loved” was not there anymore and it would only hurt worse to pursue something with the shell of the man he was. She knew it was hopeless. It really just made her sad.
She was nearing the grand exit when the sound of heavy footsteps began getting louder and louder, somewhere off to the right. She was about to reach the long walkway out when the footsteps and herself came to a head. Sothis if it is him I swear-
“Byleth.”
God fucking damnit.
Byleth paled and felt hot, her back instantly feeling damp. She felt utterly sick. Why had he said her name? He typically referred to her as Professor, as the rest of her students did. Dimitri’s tall stature loomed above her, his blond hair still so striking despite their dim setting. What was she going to say? What was she going to do? She had everything and nothing to say to him at the same time. This was terrible. So, so terrible.
“Dimitri?” she blubbered out, still fixated on how critically hot her body was becoming. Should she seek a medic?
Dimitri shifted in his stance, his usually cold nature slightly softened. “What are you doing here? It’s late.”
Was she dreaming? Was this part of the sleep thing Mercedes did to her? This had to be a side effect of it.
Sothis this has to be some sick joke right? Ingrid or Ashe set this up right? Or any one of them could have done it, they all know shit that I don’t. This is unbelievable.
“I could ask you the same.” It came out as smoothly as she could make it, which wasn’t that great.
“May I speak with you? Or are you headed to sleep?” What could he have to talk about? Byleth decided to just accept it. What’s one more thing for today.
“Just up wandering. I had a meeting with Seteth earlier. What did you need to speak about?”
Dimitri looked up and motioned with his head back into the chapel. “We can talk in there.”
She had no choice but to follow, allowing him to lead them back down the walkway, almost back to where she was sitting before. Instinctively, she began chewing on the inside of her cheek, something she’d do as a child when her father would take unusually long in meetings with the men who incited their jobs. It was a similar fear that she would later know to call anxiety.
They walked down the aisle, Dimitri silent and focused. He sat them down at the very front on the left side; Byleth sat leaning against the armrest, and Dimitri took a seat a few feet to her left. They sat in nervous silence for a few moments, but it felt much longer. Byleth could hear his breath.
“I understand.” He spoke.
Byleth stared straight ahead. “Understand what?”
“What you were trying to tell me.” If he was looking at her, she didn’t know. Her eyes were locked forward.
“What was I trying to tell you?”
Dimitri shifted the position of his feet. “About-” He paused, thinking his words through. “About guilt. And vengeance. And how I deserve forgiveness. I understand.” Byleth’s ears perked up.
“Yes?”
He sharply exhaled. “Will you say it to me again?”
“Say what?”
“Say that I deserve to forgive myself! That I deserve to be free from the voices that haunt me! I don’t- I don’t want to exist like this.” Dimitri threw his head back, arms crossed. Unwavered, Byleth looked ahead.
“Dimitri, you deserve peace. You deserve to live well, and to forgive what you feel you did wrong.” Byleth felt so sweaty. “You are a good person. You are a strong, kind, impressively good person. And you deserve to live your life feeling and knowing that.” The air felt humid and thick, smelling like future rain. Byleth let herself go limp in the pew.
“Why do you believe that? Why do you believe the words you say to me? You believe them, don’t you?”
“Of course I believe them. I just need you to believe them as well.”
Dimitri looked over to Byleth’s face, the dim lighting making the glint of her eyes pop out. She didn’t look back at him.
“Why do you believe in me?”
Byleth’s eyes started to gloss over, pinching near her nose. Dimitri wanted to lock eyes with her, to read the expression on her face and to have this conversation face to face, something he had been unable to do with anyone in years. He finally felt the strength to do it, he just wished she would turn. She still did not look at him.
“Because you’re important. To me and to all of Faerghus. People need you.” Her breath stammered. Why was she doing this? This was going to be a mistake. She was just hurting herself, and maybe even Dimitri in the long run. Maybe he would grow to blame himself for this as well. This was pushing the line of a confession and it was far too close for her liking. Dimitri slid closer. It was getting difficult to keep her head forward.
“I don’t understand how you think that. Please, tell me why. I would like to know.” Dimitri’s voice was the softest she’d heard it since she awoke. He stared at her more, his arm only a few inches from hers. This was critical for him. He had started to feel some clarity within his mind, he needed to solidify it. It kind of felt nice that he was speaking so softly, so normal.
Byleth weighed the pros and cons of what she was about to say. Or at least tried to. There was not much forethought happening in her brain, her body and mouth were just reacting to what was happening to her. It was nothing, if not the truth. She took in a quick breath; and let it happen.
“Everything about you. You are the perfect prince. You had always fought with valor. You were a leader on and off the battlefield, and you gave the best pep talks. You were the first one in the classroom and the last one out, you trained the longest and the hardest consistently. I could tell you deeply cared about everyone, those who were in the Blue Lions and even those who weren’t. You respected everyone the same. No one could say anything embarrassing or incorrect, you made everyone feel welcomed and invited. You made me feel welcome.” Byleth paused for a moment. Sighed. Then continued. “Throughout the time that I’ve been awake again and the time that we have all been fighting this war, there has not been a single time that I didn’t wish for you and me to go back to how it was, just as we used to. You and I together, just enjoying company. Or a tea party, but I know you were never as into those as the others.”
Neither of them really knew what was happening. This was cathartic for Dimitri.
“I miss the prince I met, Dimitri. I miss him. I don’t want a bloodthirsty soldier, I want the kind, warm, thoughtful prince. I want you. I want you to understand that. You can change. You can live peacefully. You can put up a fight with your demons. It doesn’t have to be blood or nothing. You’re not dead.” Her eyes closed. “I’m here if you let me in.”
Despite the speculation that she had cast upon him, Byleth truly hoped and somewhat believed that the Dimitri that she met was still in there. She labeled her pessimism as realism, but at her core, she never really gave up hope that he was still there. The one she adored. The Dimitri she loved. She finally turned to look at him, her eyes welled with tears. “Please.”
It was like a switch flipped in Dimitri. The voices didn’t go away, but they became quieter, more manageable. He saw her, and he saw what he was doing to her. The pain he was causing, the turmoil, he couldn’t continue this. He would truly be the monster he believed himself to be if he recognized it and willingly continued. He needed to handle himself. Not even just for her, but for everyone.
Byleth had turned back away when Dimitri didn’t respond, letting the tears she had been holding fall.
Now you’ve gone and done it. You knew this was going to end poorly and yet you still did it.
Sometimes Byleth spoke to herself as if someone else was talking to her. Dimitri was looking away now. This exchange was so very strange.
“Will you help me?” Dimitri mustered out. “Will you help me fight this? I don’t want to burden you. I don’t want to use you as a crutch. I need to fight this, but I don’t know where to start.”
Byleth turned her body leftward to look him in the eye. She held out her hand to him. And he accepted it.
“Have your hands always been so warm?”
It was a long moment. Byleth held his hand quietly as if making noise would cause the scene to fall apart. This felt like whiplash. Weeks and weeks of a Dimitri that would not get close to her, anyone for that matter, and he was now willingly holding her hand. It felt like taming a wild dog.
“I will continue to be by your side, Dimitri. I want to support you.”
Dimitri stared at her with a fervency unknown to other men. “I will prove to you that I am alive.”
Byleth started crying uncontrollably for the second time that week. This was not how this evening was supposed to go in her head. She didn’t mean to accidentally reconnect with the prince. She was not necessarily complaining about it either.
Dimitri stood up in front of her, gently pulling her up off the pew to stand with him. Pulling her into a tight hug, Byleth let herself sob into his shoulder. It was the kind of cry that exhausted you. Dimitri held the back of her head and wrapped his other arm around her waist, mumbling something about being sorry and living. Byleth wasn’t all the way there to pick up on it. Her body still felt limb but it was okay; the prince was holding her up. He scratched at her hair, something she had mentioned doing to herself when she was upset years ago. Time didn’t exist at that moment. It was just the two of them. Dimitri laid his chin on the top of her head.
“I’m so sorry, Byleth. I’m so sorry. I have been too entrapped in my head. You were right. I’m sorry it had to get to this level for me to understand it.”
Byleth worked up the energy to wrap her own arms back around him. She had just realized he didn’t have his gauntlets on, his hands were soft in her hair. Repeatedly, she tried to compose herself but to no use. This felt unreal. After so long of making herself believe her prince was dead and gone, to be wrapped in his arms felt almost wrong. She felt like this wasn’t supposed to be happening, she was trying to make peace with his death, with his old self being gone. Maybe there was some darkness in him, but she could deal with that if it meant he could still as gentle as before.
She didn’t get any more words out that night. It was too hard to produce a coherent thought. Dimitri carried her to bed.
-
She awoke in her room for a second time without knowing when or how she got there. Damn, she’s 0-2. It took a while for her to fully wake up and remember what transpired last night. In her early morning grogginess, she choked it up to being a dream. No way that happened. It was too unlikely. Luckily for her, she woke up in time for lecture. How did she get back here?
She still called it lecture, even though they were all adults fighting a real war. They were really more of seminars and strategy meetings with some theory and skill-building mixed in. Class occurred as normal. There was a scheduled meeting with the group right after, so Byleth didn’t get the chance to chat with anyone. The meeting was standard, the same people in attendance. Byleth needed a moment alone. It was a tough game to get out of the meeting room without being stopped and questioned but she made it happen. Everyone seemed to be staring at her. She didn’t notice her own puffy and sunken eyes from the night before. She would just ignore it.
There were no good places to relax during the day. She wasn’t hungry so Byleth decided to skip lunch and go sit somewhere, get her mind off things. The greenhouse seemed alright. It was nice they had benches, easier to sit sideways and prop your feet up.
Nightmares are nothing new but having dreams about Dimitri coming back to life is terrifying. I don’t want to dream of that. Don’t remind me.
For some reason, it made sense in Byleth’s brain to pretend like last night’s events were not real. It’s not that she didn't want to believe it happened, she so badly did, but it all happened so fast, so suddenly that her mind was having a difficult time coming up with rationality for it. Should she seek him out? No, it was too soon to check. Checking to see if it was real, and that Dimitri really was there. Byleth wanted to know if the Dimitri who would steal her away from the crowd was the one who held her tightly last night.
In reality, she knew that last night's events were real. She knew it happened, and that what happened was the truth. It was just hard to wrap her mind around it.
Byleth enjoyed the rest of her lunch break sitting on her greenhouse bench, doing and thinking of nothing in particular. She intended to clear her thoughts, but her brain was still mush. What wasn’t Dimitri was absentminded nothing. Maybe they were both important.
Lunch wrapped up and it was on to afternoon training. Thankfully, nothing special happened, just Sylvain and Felix spatting off at each other again. Annie was making weird looks but not to her, and Ingrid and Ashe were talking to each other. Byleth caught Ashe looking for her every so often throughout his conversation with Ingrid; it probably meant nothing.
“Professor, are you busy? Can we speak?” Ingrid jogged over to her once the others started to clear out. Byleth looked up.
“Of course, what do you need?”
“Did you talk to Dimitri at all?” Byleth’s stomach sank. It was always comedic timing. She looked around to watch the rest of the Blue Lions leave and turned back to Ingrid, pensive.
“Why do you ask?”
“He ate breakfast with us this morning. It was so strange lol. It was like he had a load taken off of his back. He wasn’t fully what he was but it was so much different. He was pleasant to be around for once. I wanted to know if you had anything to do with it.”
This was not a simple question, Ingrid. It would take a lot of explaining and probably more tears to answer it. “We spoke last night I think, if I’m not dreaming it.” If Dimitri had eaten breakfast with his fellow Blue Lions this morning, there was more than enough reason to believe that everything that transpired was real.
Ingrid's eyes widened. “You spoke? What happened? What did you guys talk about?” She was not into gossip; she only wanted to know the truth. Byleth shook her head. This was not the time nor the place.
“We can talk about it eventually. Just enjoy him.”
-
Later that night Byleth had the urge to find Dimitri again. She was craving another conversation, one where she was still composed and not a blubbering mess. She left her room to go look. There was no sign of him in the chapel like last time, which was a shame because that was her only plan. She was too tired to sweep the monastery looking; how badly did she want to find him? On her way back out, after walking the long walkway back to the center of the place, Byleth took a right, passing by the training grounds. The door was open. Bingo.
Gently, Byleth pushed the door open more to more obviously state her presence. Dimitri was not training. He was sat on the steps leading to the upper walking area, lance on the ground in front of him. The sound of the door caught his attention, he snapped his head up.
“Belov- Byleth?” He shot to his feet, waiting for her to move. Byleth closed the door behind her. Their interactions always seemed to be at night. The sight of him looking at her with concern took her back to a time before this happened. When there was no “new Dimitri.” Maybe this will be their new reality and Byleth can stop trying to ignore the past. Dimitri quickly approached Byleth by the door. “What are you here for?”
Byleth was about to reply when Dimitri took her hands in his. He said nothing about it. Pushing whatever giddy thoughts she had about this to the side, she answered. “I came to find you. I want to talk again.”
Dimitri nodded. “Let’s go over here then yes?” He led them both back to where he was sitting, kicking his training lance out of the way with his heel. They both sat down at the top of the steps, Dimitri letting go of her left hand. They sat facing each other, connected and holding only one hand again. He wouldn't admit it out loud again, but her hands held a warmth that calmed him, soothed his tension. He wanted to keep holding her hand. “What did you come to talk about?”
You see, Byleth didn’t get that far. At no point during her plan or search did she think of what she planned to say. All she wanted was to experience his kindness again, feel the softness of his words again, something she was giving up on experiencing one last time. Selfishly, she wanted to enjoy this all to herself. Dimitri’s hair was flowing around with the night breeze. He looked handsome.
“Ingrid said you ate breakfast with everyone this morning?” Good one, Byleth, way to think on your feet. Dimitri leaned back against the pillar behind him, smiling a bit solemnly.
“I did. It was good to see my friends again.” He looked away, sadness loomed behind his eyes. “I wish I wasn’t out of my mind for so long. I’ve missed them all. We rarely get to see each other anymore, with the war happening.” His grip tightened on her hand, but still felt gentle. “I’m… so sorry. About everything. I was not myself for a long time and I am now seeing the consequences of it. Byleth, I am so terribly sorry. To you and to everyone. I have to be a better price, a better king.”
That was a lot to take in, all Byleth mentioned was breakfast. She still wasn’t sure what exactly it was that made him break free of his fog but she was welcoming it. Even when he spoke with sadness, his softness jumped out. There was still a menacing darkness within him, but it was somewhat tamed. It had been a while since he last ranted about killing Edelgard. “I’m happy you’re here with me.” She said plainly.
Dimitri’s hair kept thwapping into his face, causing him to let go of her hands to fix it. Byleht didn’t like that. She wanted to hold his hand without interruption. “You are-”
“Can I fix your hair?” She cut him off. He stared back, confused. She motioned pulling his hair back on herself, not wanting to do anything without his permission.
“Oh, yes, sure.” Dimitri still sounded confused, but Byleth chose to ignore it and move on, taking a spare elastic band from her pocket and standing up to get behind him. He silently sat forward from the pillar to give her room. This was exciting.
Tenderly, Byleth combed through his hair, starting at the top. Her fingers scooped it back out of his face and onto the back of his head. Dimitri let his eyes close. Byleth continued this for a while, just playing with and gently running her hands down his blond locks. Was the long hair a stylistic choice or did he not have the gall to cut it since becoming sick? Byleth was just happy it was clean. Many minutes passed, the two simply enjoying the other. Dimitri was indulging himself in this– just this once– in what Byleth offered to do. No one had shown him such comfort and compassion in many years, since he was a child, Dimitri thought. Wasn’t she supposed to just put his hair up?
Eventually, after his head was thoroughly petted and all of the small tangles were picked out, Byleth took the top half of his hair and separated it from the rest. The top portion was pulled into a small bun, and Byleth continued to play with the shorter lower half. It was just fun, she thought.
Dimitri grabbed her hands after a while to stop. He turned around to face her and Byleth got to see the look from the front. He looked stunning, like he could be crowned king that night. Dimitri must have noticed her thoughts by the look on her face. “Everything look okay?” He asked with a smile in his eye. Byleth turned away, face hot for some reason. This was fun for Dimitri too. He finally felt some sort of joy again, even if it was making her blush. He ran his hand down the back of his head to feel for what she did. “I’m sure it looks great.”
“Why have you been calling me Byleth and not professor?” She asked, still turned away in attempt to compose herself. It was an honest question, one she’d already asked herself before. Now that he was lucid it was time to get some answers. She sat back down in front of him.
Dimitri sighed. He didn’t want to answer this. It was too soon. “Do you not like it? I would be happy to continue calling you professor if that’s what you wish.”
Shaking her head, Byleth looked downward, averting his gaze. “It’s not that I don’t like it, I’m just not used to it. I still feel like no time has passed. A part of me still feels like we are still all back as students. Not me, but all of you.”
He smiled a little. “I feel that since we are both older, it would be more appropriate to use our names. Also, you are no longer a professor I suppose.” For some reason that stung a little to hear. Part of Byleth still felt like a professor who should be tending to her students. She was not much older than any of them, the last she checked she was younger than Mercedes and possibly Sylvain. She loved them not like a mentor, but as an equal friend. Byleth was really unqualified to be a professor anyway. Her connections got her the job.
They were sitting down facing each other now, Dimitri reaching his hands out to Byleth. Knees touching. “What happened?”
He cocked his head to the side, puzzled. “What happened?”
Byleth nodded. “Yes, what happened. When I was gone, what happened to you?” Was this too far, was it too soon to bring it up? She did not want to upset him again. She realized this too late. “I’m- that was too personal, I’m sorry. Please don’t feel that you need to answer. It is none of my business.”
Dimitri furrowed his eyebrows and shut his eyes.
No, please don’t. I’m so sorry, please don’t. I didn’t mean this, I shouldn’t have said anything, it was too much. This was wrong I should-
“I will tell you in time. Can we please just enjoy this moment?” Oh.
Byleth internally wept a tear of relief. This was so incredibly stressful. She would never shut up about how difficult it was to handle this. She nodded to him, then bowed her head to stare at her own legs.
For weeks she and everyone else had been dealing with Dimitri’s personal demons. It was like walking on eggshells; for him to stay calm was a bigger revelation than it ought to have been. Byleth hoped her nerves surrounding the situation would fade with time. It was draining to remain on edge.
After some time, Dimitri reached his hand out to lift Byleth’s head up by her chin. It felt like her body was on fire but her brain was a puddle of goop. “You said you’d help me, didn’t you?” Byleth knew what he was referring to but it was hard to get words out with his hand touching her face, so gently, she would mention. She nodded to suffice. “Why have you gone quiet?”
There was no more inner monologue for Byleth, just her body feeling limp.
“I’m- I- I don’t know.” This was embarrassing. A ridiculously strong and knowledgeable fighter stumbling over her words in front of the crowned prince of Faerghus. He had his hand on her, but that was no excuse. Her face was surely bright red. Hopefully the glow of the moon hid it well.
“It’s alright, if something is on your mind you can tell me. I think we have a lot of catching up to do.” Did that asshole have a smirk on his face? Oh he knew what he was doing! He was certainly still evil, just for this.
“I don’t- Nothing is wrong. You have to understand that this is a lot for me to take in. I thought you were lost.” His hand was still on her chin.
She was looking anywhere but his face. “I do understand. I am done with those thoughts now. I want to forgive myself.” Dimitri tilted her head up just slightly more so that she had to look at him. “Will you be there with me?”
Byleth took his hand from her head and smiled downward again. “Always.”
Dimitri kissed the top of her head. “Thank you. I will repay it tenfold.”
Nothing moved for a long time. Until Dimitri spoke again. "It is an honor to have you in my life, beloved."
And that was that.