Work Text:
“Hails, wake up” Jay rubbed her arm — something he did everyday instead of having an alarm blearing this was gentler.
“No” she wrapped the blanket tighter around her body, pushing her face into the pillows,
“Hailey you need to” he rubbed a hand over his face, sometimes he did feel like he was dealing with a child, “I know, we went to sleep late but were needed” he heard her groan into her pillow but she pushed her head off the pillow and lifted herself out of bed.
Jay felt the same, they’d been able to get about five hours of sleep but after being at work for ten hours straight running around and chasing criminals he felt like he could sleep for ten hours. But for Hailey she had already been overstimulated by the lights and the day and was hoping to get rid of her migraine that had appeared.
Jay grabbed his phone and dipped his head towards her and softly pressed his lips to hers, “do you want to shower first or can I?”
“You can. Can I shower tonight?” She asked as she picked at her middle and ring finger,
“Of course baby” he kissed her forehead and left for the bathroom connected to the bedroom.
She left the bedroom too but she went to make a cup of coffee and some toast, wasn’t her favourite breakfast but it was quick and easy and she didn’t have the energy for anything else.
As she was finishing her coffee her husband made his way into the kitchen — towel wrapped around his neck to stop his damp hair dripping down onto his fresh T-shirt.
“You okay?”
“New t-shirt?” She reached her hand out to feel it and rubbed it in between her fore finger and thumb, “I like it, it’s soft”
He kissed her head, “it’s similar to my green one I got the other day — you liked it so I decided to get a similar one”
“You got it for me?” She dropped her hand from his t-shirt and wrapped her smaller hand around his larger one, “Jay?”
He linked their fingers together, “yeah I did” a slight blush crawling over his face, “I’ve said it before but I want you to be comfortable — and I love you in my clothes, can’t really see you in them if you hate the material” he smiled at her.
“I love you” she whispered as she reached her hand up to the side of his face, “you haven’t shaved” she said observantly.
Jays tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip as he reaches his free hand up to his cheek, “yeah I — I ran out of cream so I couldn’t” he paused to watch her face, “I’m sorry”
She took her hand back and shook it slightly and began rubbing her finger, “it’s fine” she breathed — it wasn’t.
‘Should have bought more’ Jay thought as he rubbed his hand over his face, if he was being honest it didn’t feel the best.
But for her it was itchy, and made her hands feel tingly and like they were covered in static.
“I’ll grab some more today, i promise” he reassured her as he ran a hand over his wife’s head, “I didn’t think I’m sorry” she brushed him away and mumbled something about going to get dressed. He sighed as he watched her walk away.
people would think this was stupid or pathetic, yes he was a grown man and if he didn’t want to shave he didn’t need to but she didn’t like it. It caused issues and If he was being completely honest he didn’t like it either — especially since being in the army he always liked a clean shaven face so he wasn’t happy about it either — So it wasn’t exactly something that she was forcing him to do..
She had gotten dressed and went out into the living room to wait for him, “Jay we gotta go we’re a minute late!” She bounced slightly on her feet.
“We won’t be late, we get there early everyday!” He shouted back across the apartment as he attempted to locate his two way phone and badge — by late she meant it was a minute over the time they always left for work.
“Two minutes late!” She yelled getting more agitated, “I’m going to leave Jay!”
He groaned, “Hailey wait!” But it was too late she was already out of the door and he was yet to locate any of his stuff. “Ugh!” He dropped down into the bed with a huff.
So it’s one of those days…
When Jay finally made it up to the bullpen he had to admit he was slightly later than he wanted to be but not late.
“Hailey, I don’t appreciate you leaving without me” was the first thing he said as he got to the top of the stairs,
“Well I don’t appreciate you being late” she huffed and rolled her eyes at him.
“I wasn’t — we weren’t gonna be late” he argued back.
“We were. We always leave at seven forty and it was seven forty two when I left — so late” she told him, as she flicked her pen in between her fingers,
“That’s not late” he rubbed a hand over his face, “Why are you like this?” He breathed out of Frustration as he dropped his jacket onto his chair.
“Like this? Like what?” She demanded, but before he could respond Voight interrupted.
“Enough of that. Take your marital issues to the locker room — this is why there are rules” and they did as they were told and made their way to the locker room, Hailey staring daggers into the back of his head while he silently begged a way out of this.
“I didn’t mean it like that” he told her as they got into the locker room,
She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest to stop him from reaching out to her, “Like what? Like what Jay?” She was now angry and when she was angry there was no stopping her.
He sighed and scrubbed a hand over his forehead, “I just meant — why are we arguing about it”
“Because we were leaving late. I was right.”
“Sometimes we can leave late.” He attempted to counter argue.
“No. No we can’t. It fucks everything up Jay” she said getting more upset, “don’t make that face at me!” She scolds him but he doesn’t let up.
“Hailey, please. Can we discuss this at home?” He begs, he doesn’t want to make a scene at work. “I don’t want to argue with you at all — especially not at work”
“You brought it to work. You make it a big deal!”
“No you did when you—“ he was cut off by Voight knocking on the door.
“Were needed at a scene. Halstead you’re riding with me and Hailey you’re riding with Kim — Go.”
Hailey visibly looked upset, now for two reasons, one that she was arguing with Jay and now she was being separated from him, just because she was upset with him doesn’t mean she wants to change years of partnership, “but sarge we’re always partnered together” she was picking at her fingers again — a stimm Jay knew too well—meaning she was upset.
Voight stared at her for a moment before replying, “Did I say you could answer back? Go” he stood by the door and waited as they both finally left the room and back to the bullpen.
Jay walked behind her as they grabbed their jackets from the desks and he watched her wrap the sleeves of her zip up hoodie over her hands and as she walked down the stairs she rubbed her hands together — she would do that when she was nervous or overwhelmed, and it made him worried to let her ride with Kim.
“Sarge,” he stopped Voight, “I don’t think this is a good idea, she’s already overwhelmed—“
Voight cut him off, “she’s an adult. She can deal with it — I don’t want to hear it”
“But sarge —“
“I won’t say it again Halstead.” And Jay gave up and trudged downstairs towards Voights SUV.
The whole day Jay was watching Hailey, and he watched as she got more and more overstimulated and upset. She couldn’t find her loops and he had been watching her grab at her head at any moment she could.
When they’d made it back to the district he pulled her into the stairwell, “Hails” he finally got to see her after the busy day they had, they had been out all day trying to find their suspect. “Are you okay?”
She looked at him and then shook her head, “no” she bounced slightly as she reached her hands out to him.
“Hey, hey you’re okay. Can I touch you?” He reaches his hand out to her and gently pulls her towards him, as soon as she nods. “Where are your loops?”
“I couldn’t find them” she mumbled into his chest.
He rubs her back, “lucky for you, I have some stuff in my desk. Come on” he dropped a kiss to her head.
“I’m sorry for shouting” she says as he lets go, and places his hand on her lower back.
“It’s okay, baby I get it” he kisses her temple, “come on” he links their hands together — deciding to ignore the looks while they were being ‘unprofessional’ at work.
The last few hours of the day went better, he and hailey were partnered up again, and Adam and Kim has been interviewing the offender that they’d been looking for almost all day.
Voight walked out of his office and towards Hailey and Jay. Hailey was fiddling with the tangle Jay has given her while she was writing up her street notes, “I need you two to go and pick up this guy” he handed a picture and told them an address to wait at.
“Alright” Jay replied as he dropped his pen and stretched his back out — they’d been working on their notes for an hour now.
Hailey put her tangle down before asking her sergeant a question, “Can I finish this sentence?” She asked Voight and he nodded at her.
They’d been waiting outside the apartment building for about thirty minutes before he appeared, “I’ll go to him” Hailey told her partner as she quickly opened up the truck door and pulled her gun from her holster — placing it behind her thigh as she made her way towards him.
“Chicago PD!” Hailey called out to him and to her surprise he didn’t run, but just before she could put handcuffs on him she was hit with wetness.
The splatter hit her face.
Metallic.
Warm.
“Hailey!” It was jays voice, she turned to look at him carefully to keep her hands away from her eyes, and tongue away from her mouth.
She blinked at her husband as he ran towards her, “I’m not hit” she whispered, “it’s not mine”
“Fuck, you’re — you’re covered in blood” he breathed out as his eyes roam around her, “your hoodie”
“What?” She looked at herself, “no! no no no” she kept repeating as she began to become upset.
“That’s gonna be evidence”
“No it’s mine!” She argued, “it’s mine.” She repeated.
Jay went to reach his hands out but pulled them back, anywhere he’d place his hands blood would coat them, “Hailey, it needs to be taken. It’s got a suspects blood on it — we need to know who he is”
She pulls her lip into her teeth without thinking about it and begins chewing, “stop that — the blood” Jay tells her as he takes her over the truck and cleans off her mouth and hands.
“Is Voight on his way?” She quietly asks him and he nods to her — now they just need to wait.
Patrol arrive and begin to close off the street and area while Jay makes Hailey sit on the open truck bed, as he speaks to the crime techs and their team. Hailey relentlessly picks at her fingers and they begin to bleed, blood seeping into the already blood soaked hoodie.
The smell of the blood, radiating off of her favourite hoodie. Her favourite hoodie which was now evidence — tainted. And she wanted to cry, her legs felt shaky as they bounced against the metal of the truck, her eyes burned with unshed tears as she felt like someone was hitting the back of her eyes repeatedly.
She wanted it all to stop.
The smell of the blood, the pain in the back of her eyes, the noise of sirens and the talking — shouting around her.
Smell, pain, noise.
Smell
Pain
Noise
“Stop! stop! Stop!” She repeated, over and over again as she slightly rocked back and forth. “Stop! Make it stop!” She squeezed her eyes shut.
“Hey hey, look at me!” Jay pulled on some gloves and placed his hands on the sides of her face, “Hailey, breathe you’re okay, baby breathe” he coached her through it, she just kept asking everything to stop.
“Detective I need her clothes” a tech said and Jay looked at him from a moment, slightly stunned.
“Uh yeah — can you give me the evidence bags and I’ll bag it myself” he said quickly before returning to face his wife. “You’re wearing a shirt under your hoodie, yeah?” Jay asked tenderly, his voice soft and gentle, not wanting to come off harsh in fears he’d upset her even more.
“I don’t want to take it off, Jay,” Hailey whined, “it’s mine.” glancing around at the scene, noticing the increasing amount of people which wasn’t helping at all. “This is my favourite hoodie, and now it’s ruined.” she was more teary at this moment, and as much as she loved that Jay was trying to comfort her — the feel of his gloves against her cheek wasn’t so comforting. It was soft, yet it was a rubbery type of soft and it made her skin crawl.
“I know you don’t want to take it off, but that’s evidence Hailey, and I know you know that you have no other option but to give it up.”
“And how am I even supposed to take it off without the blood touching my skin.” Hailey deadpanned, pushing his hands off her cheek and she looked down at the state her hoodie was actually in. “I am covered in it, and- and it’s- it’s-“ the words died on her tongue, and she forced herself to pause and to take a breath. “I want to go home.”
“We can’t leave yet, we’re at a scene and they need your hoodie. I’ll help you take it off and I’ll make sure it doesn’t touch your skin. Then, I’ll talk to sarge about taking you home, does that sound like a good plan?” Jay asked, knowing damn well the answer would be no, because the first step in their plan was for Hailey to give up the hoodie, and that’s like asking a kid for a legendary pokémon card.
Hailey sniffled and rubbed her sweaty palms against her jeans continuously, “Can I get a new hoodie?” she asked quietly. It wouldn’t be the same, which is why she resisted giving up the hoodie she was wearing now — it was a comfort item and she hated the fact she had to replace it, but she also couldn’t live without the hoodie.
“We can order it the second we get you in the truck and off the scene, sound good?”
Again, Hailey hesitated, but eventually agreed. She knew she had no other choice but to give forensics the hoodie, they needed it for evidence and refusing to hand over evidence is a criminal charge. She’d much rather buy a new hoodie, of the same brand, than get in trouble. So, she nodded numbly, and Jay was quick, but careful, to get the hoodie off. Underneath, Hailey was wearing a short sleeved camo shirt — wearing a long sleeved shirt with a hoodie is a huge no — which wasn’t exactly ideal for the type of weather, but after Jay had bagged her hoodie, he discarded of his gloves and slipped his own zip up hoodie off and wrapped it around her shoulders.
“I don’t want you to get sick, you can go wait in the truck if you want, I’ll ask Voight if I can take you home.”
Again, she simply just nodded, seeming to have shut down entirely — and after the day she’s already had, it wouldn’t surprise Jay if she went completely quiet for the rest of the evening.
So, Jay helped her get into the passenger side of the truck — not that she wanted his assistance, but she didn’t argue with him either — before he shut the door and walked over towards the team. Immediately, everyone directed their attention to him. “Hailey okay?” Kev asked, glancing over Jay’s shoulder to the truck, not missing the silhouette of Hailey sitting in the passenger seat with her head pressed against the window and knees curled into herself.
“She will be, just a bad day,” Jay explained briefly, before turning to Voight, “Will it be alright for her to come off shift early?”
“Halstead-“
“It’s literally a one time thing, it won’t happen again.”
Voight sighed, before motioning for Jay to follow him to a quieter corner after ordering the team to start heading back to the district to work on their current leads. “How can you say it won’t happen again?”
Jay was silenced, and he raised a hand to the back of his neck, “We can’t know for sure.” He sighed, “but when does it happen? It’s only happened a handful of times”
“She can’t just take the rest of the shift off because she’s having a bad day.” Voight claimed, “It isn’t fair to anybody else. I wouldn’t let Burgess have the rest of the shift off if she had blood on her hoodie.”
Something about Voight’s attitude enraged Jay, like an angry wildfire burning through his veins — his hands clenching to fists beside him. “Sarge, no disrespect, but Hailey’s autistic.”
“I know-“
“Do you?” Jay asked, his voice raising just slightly, “Tell me right now, do you have any idea what it’s like to be living with a brain like Hailey’s?”
Voight didn’t answer, instead he just pouted his lips in a frown.
“It’s no easy feat. You think she truly wants to take the rest of shift off?”
Voight hesitated for a moment, before answering him, “No,”
“No you’re right, she doesn’t. But she has no other option but to do so. Because if she doesn’t, she’ll burnout — and that’s not easy to deal with.” Jay explained, “And from an outsider, it might just look as though she’s upset because she got blood on her clothes. But that hoodie she just gave up, it was a comfort item.”
“Your point?” He huffed.
“My point is, that hoodie might just seem like any other hoodie to someone like you. But to Hailey, that was like a lifeline. It calmed her down, it made her feel safe, the material was soothing. So for her to have to give that up? that’s undoubtedly difficult.” Jay explained, trying to keep his voice as steady as he could because he’d much rather not bring attention to them.
“It’s still just a hoodie.”
“It’s also the lights, and the repeated noises, strong smells. The unexpected changes,” he made sure to mention, discreetly bringing up how Voight changed Hailey’s whole routine with just a simple switch. “Putting her with Kim, are you serious?”
“You two were fighting, I wasn’t going have your marital issues interfere with the job.”
“Oh so suddenly switching her partners is supposed to help? God, she was already overstimulated before we left for work this morning, with everything that’s happened within the few hours she’s been working? she’s shutting down as we speak, I don’t think you realise what I have to deal with when I get her home.”
Voight grunted, sitting his hands on his hips, “If it’s so difficult, why isn’t she getting help? Why is she even doing this job if she knows she can’t do it?” He paused but didn’t let Jay answer, “if it’s so difficult why are you married to her?”
If Jay wasn’t angry before, he was absolutely enraged by now, his anger seething through his body, his fingers clenched so deep into his palm he will undoubtedly leave nail marks.”one I will not discuss my marriage with you, and for your information, she is getting help. She’s got a support therapist, and they call weekly.” He paused to take a moment to gain some composure, “But you undermining her needs, isn’t just making it hard for us, but it’s making it absolutely impossible for her.”
“I’m not undermining her needs.”
“You being uneducated on the disability is undermining her needs, let alone granting her access to go home when she needs to, as well as not letting her wear her loops when it gets loud, or giving her just five minutes to decompress after doing something stressful — do you even realise how difficult it is for her to get through a single day?” Jay asked, before stepping away from his boss and shaking his head, “I’m taking her home, whether you like it or you don’t — I’m doing what’s best for Hailey. Educate yourself, maybe then you’ll be of use.” He spat, before turning on the spot and making his way back to the truck without so much as a glance back at his sergeant.
When he climbed into the drivers seat, and closed the door behind him, he took a moment to observe his wife. Her leg was rapidly bouncing, her free hand rubbing against her thigh simultaneously, whilst her other hand was covering most of her face, her fingers pinching the bridge of her nose. He was hesitant to reach over and place his hand over her’s, or gently hold her knee — so instead he diverted to giving her shoulder a squeeze, “I’m gonna get you home, you’ll be okay.”
Hailey sniffled, “I hate this, Jay,” she whispered through a sob, “I hate being like this, why- why am I like this?” she mumbled, punching her own thigh out of frustration —which Jay quickly put a stop to, by grabbing her hand and holding it in his as he drove. “Hey, don’t do that, okay? Just squeeze my hand when you want to punch your thigh, is that okay?”
“It’s so stupid,” Hailey muttered, another urge shooting through her and she squeezed Jay’s hand in her’s. “I- I need my hoodie, I- I want my hoodie. They took it from me.”
Jay sighed, slowly coming to a stop at a red light and he ran a hand over his face. He wasn’t upset with her, he could never, ever be upset with her, not when she didn’t have any control over the situation she was in right now. He had to provide comfort where he could. So, without wasting a second, he reached over to the glove compartment and he offered her one of the many sensory items that he kept in the truck in case they were needed. “How about you have this? It might help calm you down and feel more in control,” he said, smiling softly when she took the tangle out of his hand and started fidgeting with it in her hand that was previously pinching her nose.
“We’re about ten minutes away from home, okay?”
Hailey nodded, though her eyes were focussed on nothing but the tangle toy in her hand and she visibly seemed to resort to a calmer state of mind. Which Jay was sure she was extremely grateful for.
Around him she knows she’s safe to unmask and seek to her needs, and she’s told him a handful of times that she hates when she has a meltdown, or her body shuts down, because she feels out of control. And if anything Jay’s come to learn about Hailey over the years of her being his partner, to being his girlfriend, to now being his wife — is that she hated being out of control. She needed normalcy, and she needed stability to be able to functionally move through her day to day life — and if anything disrupts the routine, ultimately, the day is over before it even begins. Which was exactly what had happened today.
Just minutes before Jay was due to pull up outside the apartment complex, he glanced over at his wife to see her in a seemingly calmer state, her body less tense and her tears now dried up. She wasn’t looking at the tangle toy anymore, instead she was looking out the window, yet her fingers were still fidgeting with the item in her hand — she wasn’t entirely calm yet. “Feeling better?” He asked, though he knew it was a far fetched question.
Hailey nodded, however, didn’t breathe a syllable and continued to stare out the window.
“Going non verbal?” He asked lightly, attempting to bring a smile to her face — but again, all he got was a nod and that was that.
She was exhausted, without a doubt, and going non verbal just seemed like an easier option than to try and think of something to say. Jay frowned, but he understood — in a way — and gave her hand another reassuring squeeze. “Alright, whatever is best for you.” He whispered, putting the car into park and he switched the engine off, “We’re working around you, anything you need, you’ve got it.” And she shrugged at him.
Jay wasnt surprised that she didn’t respond, considering she was clearly exhausted, but he managed to give her a small smile, “we’ll figure it out,”
She nodded at him and grabbed his hand to squeeze it — agreement.
The walk up to the apartment was quiet, he watched as she scrunched her eyes closed and scratched at her hand, clearly still upset and overwhelmed.
They waited at the elevator and luckily no one else was around when they entered Jay pressed the button for their floor and to his surprise she leant against his chest, the back of her head against him and he slowly raised his arms up to her and wrapped them around her — she slightly tensed but relaxed into it.
He hesitated before saying anything as he pulled away when the elevator opened, “do you— do you wanna shower? There’s blood in your hair”
She numbly felt over her hair, “I don’t want to” she muttered.
“I’ll wash it for you?” He suggested to his wife as they make their way into the apartment.
She takes a deep breath before nodding at him and they made their way to their bathroom that was adjoined to bedroom.
They slowly get undressed, Jay helped her step out of her jeans and then he turned the handle on the shower and the warm water began to pour out against them, he reached for her and she once again laid her head against him.
Jay reached for the shampoo and began working it into her hair, his fingers slowly working through her curls as the dried blood washed away, “this might hurt a bit” he whispered to her as he began working his finger through the tangles of her hair — the warm water helping to keep her calm.
She flinched as he reached for her hair brush to brush it through before grabbing her coconut conditioner and he began carefully massaging it into her hair, starting at the ends and working halfway up — but not the roots. He then twisted it and held it up for a moment to give her a second to decompress before he washed it out.
“You okay?” He whispered as he rubbed his hand over her arm, and she nodded again.
After a while he began washing the conditioner out — he loved the smell of her conditioner. “I love you” he muttered as the water began to run colder.
They wordlessly stepped out of the shower cubical and began drying off, he quickly pulled on his clothing before going into their bedroom and grabbing a pair of his older sweatpants — they were too small for him but they were oversized for her— and one of his older soft t-shirts, “here baby, put these on, I’m going to order some pizza okay?” And she nodded at him again,
Just before he could fully leave the bedroom, she looked up at him and spoke up for the first time since getting home, “I love you too” and he smiled at her as he left the bedroom.
The pizza came and they sat on the stairs by the window, Jay watched her stare happily at the lights that shone over the lake, as it was now approaching nighttime. She had food in one hand and in the other she was playing with her tangle.
“Want to watch something before bed?” She asked him and he told her that he wanted to wash the dishes and he would join her.
Hailey grabbed his bicep and he stared at her, “yeah?”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and placed a kiss to his chest, “thank you” she whispered, “I love you so much”
“I love you too, Baby and you never have to thank me. You’re my wife — I’ll always have your back” he tells her and they stand in their kitchen for a moment slightly swaying in the soft moonlight that has flooded through their apartment.
After a while she let go and wandered towards their bedroom, and it wasn’t long before Jay joined her. The bed had layers of different blankets, she had a soft blue blanket over the sheet and their comforter over her as well as her weighted blanket. “Don’t you look comfy” he chucked softly,
Hailey reached a hand out to him as he got into bed, “cuddle?” She asked him — she wasn’t always like this but when she was overwhelmed being wrapped in his arms was very comforting.
“Of course.” He moved her slightly so she could lean against his chest, her head resting under his chin, their comforter over both of them as well as her weighed blanket now draped over their legs. “I ordered a new hoodie for you, it’ll be here in two days” she nodded, it wasn’t ideal but at least it would be here soon.
“The office?” She asked him as she grabbed their TV remote from the side table.
“Yeah, that’s fine” he didn’t mind what they watched he just wanted to sit with her.
Their day was long and exhausting but they could handle it. As they now sat in bed, yes maybe he was slightly uncomfortable and she was subconsciously picking at his fingers but that was okay, she was safe.
She felt safe with him, and it made every hard day, every problem they needed solve worth it.
“I love you” he whispered into her hair, but she didn’t respond as she had already fell asleep in his arms.
But he already knew she loved him back.
She was his and he was hers, forever and that would never change, no meltdown or bad day could change that.
Some days were hard but he wouldn’t have it any other way.