Chapter Text
Ever since he was sixteen, Harvey had always known what he wanted: to make a lot of money, have a huge expensive apartment in New York, several luxury cars, to go out, have fun, date several girls, and enjoy his money and the pleasures of life as much as possible. Before that, he had a different vision of life, and then he saw his mother cheat on his father with complete impunity, and all of his values disappeared along with his youth and his innocence. After that, he found a job to escape from home as much as possible and started working at the mailroom of Gordon Schmidt Van Dyke, where, after a meeting with Jessica Pearson, his life changed radically. At the start of the school year in September, he found himself in the middle of more than eighty students, all dreaming of becoming the best lawyers of their generation, and as he was competitive, Harvey followed the movement and had quickly established himself as one of the best hopes of Harvard Law School. He could not say that being a lawyer was a childhood dream, no, he was proud of what he was studying and invested himself to reach the top of his class, even if he was not the most diligent student, but after several years, he graduated fifth in his promotion, making himself and his father proud. After that, Jessica wanted him to gain trial experience, and she recommended that he work as an assistant for New York District Attorney Cameron Dennis, saying that he was the only one he should learn from. So at twenty-five, he started living exactly the life he wanted: he was making more and more money, had an apartment in Manhattan near Central Park, had just bought an Aston Martin DB9, spent his days at work, and in the evening, he went out to bars, drank, flirted, and ended up with a different girl almost every night. Exactly what he wanted, well, what he thought he wanted because since his mother had broken him, he had never asked himself what he really wanted, as if his only desire was to forget who he was before and become a new Harvey. Until then, everything was working for him, and the young lawyer was about to change positions to join Jessica at her firm until the evening of March 12th, when his life changed radically forever.
For once, he had decided to stay at home, and while he was watching a baseball game alone in his flat, he heard a knock on his door and was surprised that someone came by his place this late in the afternoon. Reluctantly, he stood up and opened the door to find himself face to face with a young brunette, carrying a baby in her arms, looking at him with a bored look.
« Finally »
« I’m sorry, can I help you? »
« Don't you remember me? Of course you don’t, we had overindulged on cocktails that night. Look, I'm not going to beat around the bush, I made a pregnancy denial, and I realized at seven months that I was pregnant, and it's yours »
« What? »
« I don't want it, Harvey »
« I don’t understand.. » muttered the young man, completely lost.
« Look, I'm twenty-three, I never wanted to have children, or a serious relationship anyway. We were drunk, it was good, but I don't want this child, I just want to have fun and go out with my friends, I'm supposed to go on a tour of Europe soon anyway and probably stay there, so before I put him up for adoption, I'm giving him to you, if you want to take care of him, you can, if not, you're a lawyer, you'll know what to do »
As she put the child in Harvey's arms who remained petrified in the middle of the hallway, he saw his former conquest, which he vaguely recognized, taking out of her bag a series of sheets, and he remained speechless as she explained without any sadness or anything the documents she had brought.
« Here, you will find all his birth papers, I haven't given him a name yet, so you can choose if it amuses you. Here is the document where I give up my parental rights and the paper where I explain that I abandon the child because I do not wish to take care of it, as well as a paper signed by my lawyer that says that neither you nor the child can have contact with me »
« What the fuck? » whispered Harvey.
« I don't want him. There is nothing else to say »
Without a last word, the young woman turned on her heels and left the entrance hall, leaving the lawyer alone, a sleeping baby against him, completely scared and lost by what had just happened. He couldn't tell how long he was there, but when the baby whimpered, Harvey came back to reality and hurried back inside the apartment. Barely in his room, he felt the bile rising in his esophagus and hurried to throw all the towels in his bathroom on the floor, put the baby on it before vomiting the entirety of his stomach in the toilet bowl, feeling the panic attack coming. When he felt like everything was out, he sat against the wall, watching the baby move slightly on the floor as he grabbed the papers next to him with trembling hands. Harvey wasn't a family lawyer, but reading the documents she had given him, he had the feeling that she had thought of everything because all seemed in order and each sheet was signed in frank and assured handwriting, she hadn't hesitated for a single second, she had abandoned this child. As he took the birth paper, he tried to learn as much as he could and saw, without being surprised, that there was not a lot of information. Aside from the pregnancy history, the measurements of the child at birth, Harvey saw his date of birth, he was four weeks old, and that she had indeed not given a first name or a last name to the baby, simply two x's were noted in the blank boxes. For the father, it was noted as unknown, and for the mother, she had simply given her first name at the maternity ward: Charlotte. As the baby began to whine, Harvey placed the papers on the floor before approaching the child and whispering.
« I have no idea what to do with you »
For a few minutes he thought about what he was supposed to do, and, as the child started to cry, Harvey held him again, and the little boy stopped. Harvey went back into the living room, and while the baseball game was still playing on TV, he decided to call the only person he still had contact with: his father. After a few rings, as soon as he heard Gordon's raspy voice, Harvey started to cry.
« Hey, son. What's going on? »
« I don't know what to do »
« What are you talking about? »
Harvey began to tell everything that had happened in the last hour while crying, desperate and completely lost, until Gordon interrupted his son.
« Harvey, calm down. Come to Boston, I'll help you with the kid. We’ll see what we can do »
« Alright »
« I’ll wait for you at the station »
« Thanks dad »
« You're welcome, son »
Immediately, Harvey packed a bag for a few days, grabbed his jacket, wallet, and keys, and left his apartment with the baby in his arms to catch the first train to Boston. He didn't even know if it was legal to walk with a baby across states, but he was so panicked, he didn't even think about it. Luckily, barely ten minutes after arriving at Penn Station, he boarded a train to join his father. When he was halfway there, the baby started crying, and nothing could stop him, Harvey went back and forth in the train car, and he didn't stop. When the young lawyer thought he was going to start crying too, he heard a woman behind him talking.
« Is everything okay, sir? »
« Yeah, hum, he won't stop crying, and I don't know what to do »
« Maybe he's just hungry »
The woman, who must have been a little under forty years old, looked at Harvey gently, seeing the young man completely panicked.
« I have nothing for him… » whispered Harvey with tears in his eyes.
« What? »
He hadn't even thought about buying something to drink, diapers, or anything, he was so panicked that he had jumped on the first train to join his father and get help. So completely disoriented and desperate, he decided to tell the truth in a trembling voice.
« An ex came to my place this afternoon, she dropped him off in my arms, told me she didn't want him, gave me all the renunciation papers, and left. Now my father is waiting for me in Boston to help me because I'm so lost, I don't know what to do with him »
« Oh, sweetie. Alright, come with me »
Without a word, he followed the woman, who returned to her seat, where the young lawyer found a man, probably her husband, with a baby on his lap and two toddlers, who looked at him with a kind smile. As the woman grabbed a small bag, she turned back to Harvey before speaking to him in a soft voice.
« Is your seat far away? »
« No, right there »
« Alright, let's go sit down »
A few seconds later, Harvey was back in his seat, as she took a seat in front of him before opening the bag and resuming the conversation.
« Do you know how old he is? »
« Four weeks »
« Okay. My daughter is eight months old, so I can give her the same baby formula, it's for babies from zero to twelve months, okay? »
« Okay » whispered Harvey.
As he listened intently to the woman on how to prepare a bottle, the baby still whimpering against him, the woman positioned herself next to Harvey to show him how to properly hold the baby and the bottle before he watched him suckle greedily on the bottle pacifier and calm down.
« You see, he was just hungry »
« Thank you very much, Madame »
« There is no problem, but call me Edna »
« Edna, alright. I'm Harvey »
« Nice to meet you, Harvey. So tell me, what happened exactly? »
For the rest of the journey, Harvey explained and chatted with the woman, who talked a little about herself too while the baby had finally fallen asleep against him. After nearly four hours of travel, the train finally stopped in Boston, and after thanking the lady a thousand times, Harvey got off the train, his bag on his shoulder and the baby in his arms, until he saw his father in the distance.
« Welcome home, son »
« Hey »
« So, who's the surprise guest? »
« She left him with nothing, dad. With nothing to feed him, change him, clothe him, nothing. She put him in my arms, gave me the papers, put him in my arms, and she disappeared, without a remorse or a last look » whispered Harvey.
« It's gonna be okay, Harvey »
With these last words, the father and son, and now the grandson, left the station before making a first stop at the pharmacy on duty to buy the basic necessities: baby formula and diapers. Barely in the saxophonist's house, Harvey looked at his father with a dejected look, not knowing what to do exactly. Seeing his son's despair, Gordon approached and hugged him.
« Hey, listen to me carefully, your problems will still be there tomorrow, so now we're going to eat, we're both going to settle you in, and you're going to sleep, that way tomorrow, we'll take care of all that, and we'll talk about it. Alright? »
« Alright, dad »
After improvising a bed in a laundry basket and sheets right next to his bed, Harvey lay down on the mattress and fell asleep straight away, exhausted from all his emotions. Four hours later, he was woken up by the baby's cries and was quickly brought back to the harsh reality. He took him in his arms, put him on the mattress, prepared the bottle as Edna had shown him on the train, and positioned himself to feed the baby, who fell asleep straight after. Again, four hours later, the baby woke up again, and seeing that it was already seven in the morning, Harvey decided to get up too. Barely half an hour later, Gordon arrived in the living room, where he found his son busy pacing with the baby in his arms.
« Hey »
« Dad hey, did you get some sleep? »
« Well, it's been a while since I've been woken up by a baby at night, but I'm fine, don't worry. What about you? »
« I slept when he slept »
« Good »
« Dad, what now? »
« First, we're going to go do a paternity test »
« What? »
« Harvey. You're a nice boy, and even if this child was abandoned by his mother, you can't turn your life upside down based on a simple statement from her. If you're not his father, you have no right or obligation to take care of him. If you are, we'll see, okay? But first, we have to make sure he's your son »
« You're right » murmured Harvey.
« Let's go »
Twenty minutes later, the two Specters and the baby were sitting in the waiting room of the clinic near Gordon's place, waiting to be called.
« Do you think he looks like me? »
« He looks like any other four-week-old baby, at that age, they don't really look like anything »
« Yeah » chuckled the young lawyer as he looked at the baby.
« Specter? »
« Yeah, coming »
As soon as they were in the small room, the nurse did a mouth swab test on Harvey, then on the baby, before sending the results to the lab and making the young man wait again in the waiting room. Twenty minutes later, he was called back and was received this time by a doctor who didn't wait a second before giving him the results.
« You are the father of this child, Mr. Specter »
« Okay » murmured Harvey simply, not knowing what else to say until Gordon reacted.
« Is it sure? »
« Well, studies show that paternity tests that use mouth swabs are up to 100% effective, so yes, you can be confident with your results » replied the doctor.
After thanking the man and leaving the clinic, Harvey and Gordon returned home before sitting at the table, the baby still glued to him, in order to discuss.
« What do you want to do, Harvey? »
« I don't even know what I can do » whispered the young man while looking at his son.
« You have two options. Either you recognize him and take care of him if you feel capable, or you place him for adoption so that another family can take care of him »
« I can't do that, dad. He's my son, his mother already abandoned him without qualms, he only has me, I can't do that to him »
« So are you going to have him recognized? »
After a few seconds, he repositioned his son on his chest and placed his lips delicately on his forehead, the first affectionate gesture since he had been placed in his arms, before he whispered against his dirty blonde hair.
« He’s my son, I will recognize him »
That same day, all the papers were signed, the medical checks were done, everything necessary to welcome a child was purchased, and at only twenty-five, Harvey Specter became a father. The following days had not been easy. Harvey had pretended to be sick all week in order not to go to work and stayed in Boston with Gordon to familiarize himself with his new role as father. One night, while the baby, who until then had been called Buddy, did not stop crying, Harvey put one of his father's vinyls and was surprised to see him calm down instantly, lulled by the trumpet that resounded in the living room.
« Oh, so you like Miles Davis? Like your father and your grandfather obviously. A real Specter » chuckled Harvey.
At the end of the week, the young lawyer received the official certificates and wrote down with emotion on the paper his son's name: Miles Specter. Once his little boy was officially recognized and the return to work was approaching, Harvey dreaded everything that was going to happen. He had committed to taking care of his son, and now he had to take responsibility, but he spent his days and nights working, how could he be there for him without ruining his career? If he had thought about a nanny, he did not want Miles to be raised by a stranger, so after a very thoughtful discussion with Gordon, father and son agreed on an organization.
« The first six months, I will move into your apartment in New York, I will take care of him during the day, you in the evenings, and at night because he is too small and will need you. From six months, I will take him with me to Boston, you will take Friday afternoon off, where you will come join us for the weekend, and you will take the first train to New York on Monday morning for work. What do you think? »
« It's perfect. Thanks dad for helping me like this »
« That's what a family is for, Harv »
The organization imagined by Gordon and Harvey had been well thought out, and for the first six months, the young lawyer forgot his private life, spending all his free time with his son. Then, when Miles was six months old, he returned to Boston with Gordon, where he could grow up in an environment more adapted for a child. If at first Harvey had difficulty separating from his son, quickly, he got used to this new organization: during the week, he worked, winning cases after cases as he was working for Pearson Hardman now, then Skyped his father to see his son every afternoon, only to go out after to celebrate victories in the evening in bars with the idea to bring girls home later. Every Friday afternoon, he was taking a train to Boston where the sacophonist was waiting for him with Miles, and for more than two days, he devoted himself body and soul to the little boy. Even though he wasn't there often, father and son adored each other, and Harvey did everything to not miss anything, he then saw his child's first steps, cried when his first word was dada, attended all his baseball games, tried to be there for parents' meetings, and made sure the little boy didn't miss anything. If until now, everything was perfect, a call a few years later changed everything again for Harvey.
« Hello? »
« Harvey Specter? »
« It's me »
« Hello sir, I'm calling from Massachusetts General Hospital regarding Gordon Specter. I'm sorry to announce that over the phone, but your father had a cardiac arrest early this afternoon, we did everything we could but unfortunately, help arrived too late. He's gone, I'm sorry »
Faced with this announcement, Harvey didn't even move anymore, completely paralyzed in the middle of his office, tears welling up in his eyes while his breath was cut off.
« Mr. Specter? »
« Yes, sorry. I’m still here »
« I’m sorry for you lost. Do you think you can come over? »
« I’m coming, sure. Um, he's the one who takes care of my son, do you know where he is? »
« He's here at the hospital with us. Since no one came to pick him up from school, the police took care of it and dropped him off here. He’s waiting for someone, he’s not alone, don’t worry »
« Alright, look, I'm in New York, but I can be there in three hours »
« Perfect »
As soon as he hung up, he got into a taxi and took the road to Boston, paying the driver generously for having traveled such a long distance before reaching his father's room. As he walked through the white corridors of the hospital, he saw his son in the distance sitting next to a police officer, and, as soon as he saw him, Miles started running towards him to jump into his arms while crying as Harvey did everything to stay strong in front of his son.
« He’s dead, dad »
« I know. I’m so sorry, buddy »
Harvey couldn't tell you how long he had spent in that hallway, Miles pressed against him, his legs around his hips and his small arms around his broad shoulders, as he cried into his father's neck while the lawyer gently stroked his back and hair in an attempt to calm him down. After seeing Gordon, signing the necessary papers, and warning Marcus, Harvey returned to his father's house, where he put his son to bed, already asleep after all the emotions of the day, and went to bed in turn, taking advantage of the solitude to break down and cry. The lawyer stayed until the funeral, where his son remained rather silent during these few days. On the D-day, Harvey couldn’t help but shed a little tear, argue with his mother, Bobby, and his brother, before leaving the ceremony with his son in his arms. So as soon as he got back, he started to put all his belongings in bags, under the frightened eye of his son.
« Dad, I don't want to leave Boston »
« Buddy, we have no choice, I have to go back to work »
« Dad » whined the little boy.
« Miles, please, it's complicated for me too, but that's how it is. You're going to like New York, you'll see »
At thirty-three, Harvey's life changed again, and the lawyer found himself in the big city again, but this time, with an eight-year-old child who depended on him day and night. They quickly changed apartments, finding a beautiful luxury condo thanks to his big salary, Harvey enrolled Miles in one of the best private schools in the city, and hired a full-time driver to drop his kid off and pick him up at school, as well as a nanny to take care of him when Harvey was at work, changing them every three months so that he doesn't get attached, for fear that his son will one day prefer one of these women to him. The lawyer was not the most present father, the firm demanded a lot of his time and presence, and he tried to compensate for his absence with money, even if it was not optimal, but he tried his best. The years went by, with ups and downs, Harvey continued to become the best lawyer of his generation while devoting the little free time he had to his son, taking advantage of Miles being on a school trip or sleeping at classmates' houses to find a semblance of normality: drinking, flirting, and ending up with a random girl in his bed. And if, until now, he managed to mix those two lifestyles, these last months became more and more complicated with, Miles who was now a teenager and who was becoming difficult at home.
Desperately seeking help, Harvey would never have imagined that at thirty-seven, his life would change again.