Archive of Our Own

Nate didn’t think his day could get any worse. As if the two detention slips from Mrs. Godfrey and Mr. Galvin crumpled up and burning a hole in his pocket weren’t bad enough, he had to witness Jenny and Artur sucking face in the hallway when he got to his locker.

Nate tried and failed to hide his disgust at them, although it was easily disguised under the pigsty that was his locker. Really? He rolled his eyes. This is a public place. If I was with Jenny, I wouldn’t ruin our moments with this dump…

“Hello, earth to Nate!”

Nate jumped at the person suddenly next to him, and he sighed when he saw Dee Dee grinning and dressed in a ridiculous Renaissance outfit or something. “Do I even want to know?” he asked, deadpan.

Dee Dee gasped in mock offense. “ExCUSE you, of course, you want to know!” Nate motioned for her to continue. “Our play is Romeo and Juliet, and my audition is today. I’m getting into character!”

“Can’t you just play dead like Spitsy and be good?” Nate joked, dodging Dee Dee’s swipe at his face. He laughed at her annoyed expression, surely in for a rant about Shakespeare and his genius (Nate thought that was debatable but whatever) when Teddy saved him.

“Hey guys!” he smiled as he caught up to them. He spotted the pink slips poking out of Nate’s jeans pocket and snorted. “Dude, we’ve only had two classes.”

“Yeah, and I got detention for both of them,” Nate grumbled, slamming his locker door. He saw Jenny and Artur again and made a gagging sound. “Do they have to do that?”

Dee Dee and Teddy glanced over in confusion. “What, do they have to kiss? Heaven forbid they’re in love!” Teddy joked. 

“Shut it, pinhead,” Nate hissed, sulking toward the math classroom. On the way, he paused, looking around for his other shadow, and frowned. “Where’s Francis?”

Teddy shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe he’s being swarmed by girls for the dance.”

Nate snorted. “Yeah right, Francis? Besides, he told me that he wasn’t–” 

He stopped dead as they turned the corner to see Francis and Paige talking by Francis’ locker. His grip on his books suddenly became deadly, and his ears burned. They were smiling and laughing at each other, and Paige held a flier for the dance. Francis nodded at her, said goodbye, and started walking over.

Nate panicked and forced himself to relax. There’s no reason to get pissy, he scolded himself. Paige and Francis were just talking. His stomach still churned when Francis greeted them.

Before he could shut his mouth, he snapped at his friends, telling them they needed to get to class, which was 1) so out of character for him, and 2) just plain mean to do to his best buds. He vaguely heard Dee Dee say bye to him as she sprinted to her class, but he didn’t care enough to respond. His mood had soured worse than the cafeteria milk.

“Take your seats, everyone.” Great. Just great. Mr. Staples was giving them a pop quiz, today of all days. He would rather watch Jenny and Artur suck face.

Teddy tossed a pencil at his head during the quiz, and Nate turned around to glower at him. While sending Teddy death threats with his eyes, his gaze strayed to Francis, who was focused on the quiz, as always. Nate didn’t expect him to look up and lock eyes with him, but he did, and Nate flipped back around in his seat, rubbing a hand across his face.

What is wrong with me?

He tried to work on the pop quiz, but every thought led back to his bad day and Francis and Paige by the lockers. Why was it fair that Francis was going to the dance with her when he told Nate they would go or hang out? 

His pencil lead snapped under the angry pressure of his hand, and he blinked at it in surprise. He was always careful with his pencils, as they were his art supplies, and his dad refused to buy more. Was he that mad? 

The hour came to a close eventually, and Nate blew out a sigh. He didn’t miss the concerned looks from Francis and Teddy, but they gave him space and let him walk behind them. The quiet lasted about two seconds before Dee Dee located him and started jabbering in his ear. Seriously, how much can one person talk? 

He made it to detention at the end of the day with a headache and his ever-present bad attitude. Mrs. Czerwicki let him be, and after, he went straight home, straight to his room, and flopped on his bed. 

The next time he awoke was when his dad was shaking his shoulder. “Dinner’s ready, champ,” he said fondly, leaving Nate to wonder how the hell he fell asleep and how it was already seven. His head was still pounding and he was incredibly thirsty. Even though he slept, he felt even more exhausted. Could this day get worse?

The answer is yes, because of a surprise visit from a person absolutely no one expected: Dee Dee. Nate sighed when he opened the door and she immediately came in, not waiting for his rehearsed reply, Sorry Dee Dee I’ve had enough of you for one day, try tomorrow. He liked Dee Dee, but could a guy catch a break?

His dad spotted his thrilled expression and sent him the same one back, one that barked, “Be nice to your guest.” Nate didn’t feel like defying the eyebrow, so he pulled Dee Dee away from Ellen (the house didn’t need two chatterboxes at once) and into his room.

He plopped down on his bed and said, “What do you want, Dee Dee?”

She placed her hands on her hips and went immediately into it. “What’s up with you and Francis?” 

Nate rolled his eyes. One thing about Dee Dee: she always sticks her nose where it doesn’t belong (“For the drama, Nate!”), and even though Nate loved her gossip sometimes, his ears burned at her clocking him immediately and the thought of spilling his guts.

“None of your beeswax,” he said, a little unkindly. When he caught her expression, he felt guilty. Dee Dee was usually dramatic, but over the months they’d been friends, he learned to differentiate when she was being serious, and right now, she was. Her eyes had that sad glint to them and her shoulders sagged. 

Nate groaned. “I’m sorry, Dee Dee,” he muttered. She sat next to him and all her dramatics vanished. He glanced at her, still feeling bad. “I don’t know why I’m being so mean to my friends.”

“It was all jokes before you saw Francis and Paige by the lockers,” Dee Dee said carefully. “Do you think that has something to do with it?”

Nate curled in on himself. “No.”

“Nate, you can tell me anything. That’s what friends are for.”

Nate snorted. “Coming from the girl that blabs to everything that moves.”

Dee Dee stood up, face turning red, her lips turning downward. “Nate! Why would you say that?”

“Why would I tell you what’s wrong when you might blab to someone like Gina?” Nate asked defensively. He didn’t know why he was insulting Dee Dee, but he couldn’t stop. It was like vomit but for hurtful words.

“I swear, you talk so much I don’t know what you’re telling people,” he continued, ignoring her increasingly crushed expression. “I guess you’ll be perfect for Juliet. You can’t spill anyone’s secrets if you’re dead.” 

He waited for her to fire back, but when he looked up, he knew he had gone too far. Dee Dee’s eyes were filling with tears. She opened and closed her mouth a few times before they started falling, and she couldn’t get any words out at all. She threw open his door and ran down the stairs, ignoring his call to wait. Just like that, his friend was gone.

Nate pulled on his hair. Why did he say that? Dee Dee had done nothing but take time out of her day to check on him and he blew up at her, saying things he didn’t even fully believe were true. Sure, Dee Dee was a chatterbox, but she wouldn’t tell people his secrets, ever. That wasn’t the kind of person she was.

He heard thumping footsteps and winced. His dad was in his room in an instant, chewing him out for making a girl, much less his friend cry. He reiterated everything Nate already felt guilty for for the next thirty minutes and grounded him for a week. He deserved it.

“And,” his dad growled at the end of his rant, took Nate’s papers and drawing pen from his bedside table. “No comics until next week. And apologize to your friend.” With a withering, disappointed glare, Nate’s dad left his room, slamming the door behind him.

Nate lay down when his dad was gone, feeling unwelcome tears prick his eyes as he replayed his and Dee Dee’s conversation in his head over and over. I’m such an idiot. He needed to sort out what was wrong, and now he had no help from Dee Dee. And I really hurt her feelings.

His exhaustion dragged him to a turbulent sleep filled with nightmares of Dee Dee rejecting his apology. When he woke up the next morning, he had an itch to draw a Doctor Cesspool special where Nate gets a personality transplant. 

Though he was incredibly sluggish, Nate skipped breakfast and left the house before his dad could open his mouth and yell at him any more. He also wanted to get a head start before Francis. His anxiety only rose on the way to school as he thought about lunch and all his classes, and oh god, Teddy.

Teddy hated being in the middle of Nate and Francis’ fights. Not that they were fighting. Only I am, Nate thought. Even though he hasn’t even done anything wrong… Maybe he was worse of a person than he thought.

He got a few weird looks from his teachers when he rolled into school thirty minutes early instead of five minutes late, but Nate ignored them and threw his backpack in his locker, heading to the bathrooms to yell at himself in the mirror.

The last time he had a crisis where he had to figure out what was messed up in his head, he went to the bathroom and frowned at himself until it clicked. So that’s why, for the first time that school year, he entered the P.S. 38 boy’s bathroom by choice. Usually, he was dragged in there by Randy and his knuckleheads for swirlies or had no choice except to go. He should really invest in a locker mirror.

I didn’t even ask how Dee Dee’s audition went, he realized sourly. Talk about a bad friend.

Nate spent the next fifteen minutes mentally yelling at himself and making uncomfortable, intense eye contact with himself until he heard most of the student population outside. Great. He came to zero conclusions.

Well, that was a bust. Nate left the bathroom and sulked to homeroom, something he would never do unless the bell was gonna ring in two seconds. Why did being mad at his friends make him so punctual?

Unfortunately, his punctuality caught someone else’s attention: Gina. You know, that person he can’t stand. That person slammed her fist on his desk and burned holes through his skull for sitting at a desk. That Gina.

“What are you doing?” she barked. 

“You’re the one always complaining that I’m never on time or take school seriously. So here I am, Mr. Serious,” Nate lied. Gina sputtered, fuming, and sat down. Wow, dramatic much?

That only made Nate miss Dee Dee more. At least Dee Dee was fun dramatic, not mean hypocritical dramatic. 

Someone coughed next to him, and Nate looked up to see Teddy there, crossing his arms. Great, another person I’ve pissed off, Nate thought miserably. “What do you want, Teddy?”

Teddy scoffed. “It’s not obvious, Einstein? Dee Dee’s practically silent and avoiding me, you’re nowhere to be found, and Francis is upset. What did you do?” 

Nate didn’t know what to say. He knew what he did to Dee Dee, but still had no idea what caused this whole thing, but it started with Francis and Paige. At least that’s what Dee Dee figured out, y’know before he made her cry and she ran out of his house…

“Nate!” Teddy snapped his fingers. “Come on, I hate being the middleman!”

“I–” Nate started, but cut himself off, swallowing hard. His throat had gone dry. “I messed everything up.”

Before Teddy could respond, the bell rang, and Mrs. Godfrey started class. Nate had officially no one to talk to, nothing to draw, and a mood darker than Mrs. Godfrey’s under-eye circles. 

Dee Dee thankfully wasn’t in his homeroom, so he got out a sheet of paper to brainstorm ways to apologize to her. The list consisted of, figuring out what was wrong and using that, blaming it on a cold, not apologizing, or making a deal. Yeesh. Those were terrible options! Dee Dee was an actress, she would know immediately if he wasn’t being sincere.

Nate crumpled the paper and shoved it in his pocket, starting over. How to apologize to Dee Dee… give her a present? No… Bake her a cake? No, she’d get food poisoning, and then he’d have to apologize twice. Write her a letter? Mrs. Godfrey would see him for sure and read it out loud to the class. 

Nate sighed. Why was he so bad at apologizing? 

He uncrumpled and reread his list, circling back to the only one crossed off: just talk to Dee Dee at lunch. Nate grated his teeth, but he knew it was his only option.

After Mrs. Godfrey’s class ended, Nate dragged himself to Mr. Galvin’s, thinking his apology over. He was lonely without his friends, but at the moment, he felt pretty undeserving of friends. Teddy was walking with Francis and Dee Dee, and Nate assumed they were talking about how awful he was being. 

He tried to tune out Mr. Galvin, but his teacher announced a project, and Nate begrudgingly had to listen. “Students, this is a group project about the rock formations. You have to pair up and co-draw a comic about how rocks change from sedentary to igneous, to metamorphic, and vice versa.” Nate perked up. A fun project for a change?

“So get into pairs, tell me your partners, and get started,” Mr. Galvin told them, and the class erupted with conversation, his classmates coordinating their partners. Nate looked for his friends out of habit before wilting. He couldn’t pair up with the people upset at him, and sure enough, Dee Dee was paired, and so were Francis and Teddy.

Nate looked around quickly for a partner, realizing he could be stuck with Randy or Chester. Jenny and Artur, Teddy and Dee Dee, Megan and Charlie, Randy and Marcus, Francis and Paige–

Wait. Seriously?

Nate studied Francis and Paige with a clenched jaw and a judgemental look. Why were they suddenly so chummy? 

“Hey.” 

Nate broke his focus to see a blonde girl standing by him, picking at her sweater. “Uh hi,” he said awkwardly. “Have we met? I’m Nate.”

“Anna,” she responded. “I don’t have a partner for the project yet, and I saw you alone and assumed you didn’t either?”

Nate sent one last look at Francis and sighed. “Nope. Nate is open for business.”

Anna smiled and said, “Cool, I’ll tell Mr. Galvin.”

The two of them worked on the project, agreeing that Anna would do the research, they both work on the story, and Nate would do the drawing. He liked the setup, since he hated researching, and Anna wasn’t much of an artist like himself. 

After a while, Anna asked, “Are you okay, Nate?”

“Hmm?” he asked in confusion, focusing on her. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Anna twiddled her thumbs. “You keep looking over at… Francis, right? Are you two fighting?”

Her tone almost made Nate think twice about his answer, but he said, “We’ll get over it, that’s what friends do.”

“Friends, right…” Nate frowned at her response, shrugged it off, and continued drawing a trial comic. Nate discovered that he liked working with Anna. She was nice and funny, and despite what she said, she was an excellent artist. Their humor clicked so well that Nate wondered how he’d never met this girl before. 

The bell rang too soon, and Nate sighed.

“It was great working with you, Nate,” Anna said, smiling. “I hope you figure out your Francis problem.” He waved goodbye and walked to lunch, thinking about what Anna said, and on the way he passed Jenny and Artur. They were kissing, again, but for some strange reason, it didn’t bother Nate. 

He stopped dead. It didn’t bother him. It didn’t… what? 

Nate had liked Jenny since… well, forever, and now suddenly he didn’t care? His eyes drifted back to Francis and Paige and got that same ugly feeling he always did for Jenny and Artur. 

Oh my god.

Nate had a crush on Paige. That’s why he was mad at Francis, that’s why he flipped out at Dee Dee… it all made sense! Why else would he be angry at Francis and Paige going to the dance together? Nate felt a profound sense of relief at that, but also dread, because that meant he and Francis liked the same girl.

Nate searched the cafeteria for Dee Dee, and when he spotted her, he debated apologizing or not, but he slapped himself and marched over there. Dee Dee was his friend and he messed everything up. This was his mess, he had to fix it.

“Uh, hey Dee Dee?” he tapped her shoulder and shrank from her gaze a little. “Can we talk?”

“Fine,” she said. “Talk.”

Nate glanced behind her and gulped. Eight other girls were glaring his way behind Dee Dee. However one of them wasn’t, and Nate’s eyes widened a fraction when he realized who it was. 

“Hey, Anna,” he said nervously, waving.

“Hi,” she answered. Then she whispered something in Dee Dee’s ear, and a moment later, Dee Dee sighed and pulled Nate to a more private spot in the cafeteria. 

“Okay, you wanted to talk.”

Nate nodded. “Dee Dee I’m really sorry about the way I treated you, that wasn’t fair. But I know why I’m acting like this: I like Paige and I’m jealous of Francis.” The admission sounded stupid even to himself, but he stood there quietly, expecting some form of forgiveness from his friend.

Instead, Dee Dee muttered something else. “Nate, you’re such an idiot .”

Nate cringed at her tone, which wasn’t humorous at all. “Wha–”

“You don’t have a crush on Paige,” she supplied for him. “And you’d know that if you hadn’t screamed at me and called me a blabbermouth, two-faced, and annoying the other day.” She sighed. “We’ll be friends again someday, Nate, but right now…”

“Please, Dee Dee!” Nate grabbed her wrist when she turned away, and he let go when he noticed and flushed awkwardly. People were staring. “You’re my friend, and I need to know how to fix my stupid mistakes, but–” He groaned and slapped his forehead. “I don’t know– please, Dee Dee, I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?”

Nate nodded frantically.

“Audition for Romeo and Juliet as Romeo,” she said, jabbing a finger at him. Nate swallowed hard. He sucked at acting, but Dee Dee wasn’t fun and games right now. He shook her hand.

“Deal.”

“Thanks. I’m gonna go eat lunch now, see you around.”

Nate didn’t stop Dee Dee this time, looking ahead at her poster about Romeo and Juliet. He sighed. He promised, and he had to make this up to Dee Dee somehow. He read the audition times and mentally signed himself up for one. Realizing he had no one to see during lunch anyway, he sulked down to the drama teacher and solidified his audition.

He had a free period, so he escaped to the library where Mrs. Hicks was nowhere to be found. Nate was happy about that. He liked her enough, but he needed to get to the bottom of this… thing. He didn’t know what to call this miserable portion of his life yet. 

That meant sitting down with himself and thinking this through. What better place for thinking than a perfect bean bag chair? Nate flopped down on one and briefly enjoyed the plush seat before catching himself and sitting up. No distractions.

Dee Dee said I don’t have a crush on Paige, but how does she know that? What other possibility could make any sense?

He must have looked extra sad because Anna sat in the chair next to him, her blonde hair pulled back. Without it down, Nate could see her whole face now; she was pretty, but Nate noticed the pity in her eyes first and his shoulders slumped.

“Hi Anna,” he mumbled.

“Dee Dee told me about your talk.” Straight to the point. Very Anna. Or not, Nate had no clue. “Do you want to talk about it? Maybe saying some of this stuff out loud will help you process it.” She looked around the library for a moment, then turned back to Nate. “There’s no one here except for Frankie, and he has headphones on.”

“Okay,” Nate caved. “Except… I don’t even know where to start.”

“Let’s start here,” Anna said, “Are you sure you have a crush on Paige?”

Nate sighed in frustration. “What is up with that? First Dee Dee, now you! What other conclusion could there possibly be? It’s not like I wanna kiss Francis.”

He saw something weird pass through Anna’s face, but it was gone so quickly he might have imagined it… 

They heard a commotion in the hall before she could speak again. Nate recognized Randy’s snobby voice immediately, but there was another, probably the poor kid he was picking on. Wait…

Nate stood up. “That’s Francis!” 

A feeling he didn’t recognize took over, and before he could rethink his actions, he was running out of the library and tackling Randy to the ground, pounding his face in.

“Nate!” he vaguely heard Francis call his name, but he couldn’t stop beating Buttencourt’s face in. It felt strangely satisfying. That’s what you get for picking on Francis.  

“Hey!” Randy shouted as his nose started to bleed. “Hey you losers, get him off of me!” His posse stood there like statues as they watched the fight go down instead of helping him. 

“Nate!” Francis yelled, pulling him off of Randy. “What are you doing?”

Randy had him to the ground and gave him equally horrible treatment before Nate could answer, but by then some kid had called the principal over. 

“Boys! In my office, now!” he barked.

Randy sulked after him, but Nate paused a second, turning to Francis. Nate picked Francis’ glasses off the floor, blew them off, and placed them back where they should have stayed. “There you go.”

“Thanks, but Nate–”

“Mr. Wright!”

Nate winced. “Sorry, Francis.”

As he turned away and speed-walked after his principal, he didn’t know exactly what he was apologizing for, maybe for the fight, avoiding his best friend, or liking the same girl. Wait, no. The jury’s still out on that last one… 

Either way, Nate sat through twenty minutes of lectures from Mr. Nichols. And surprise surprise, he got detention for two whole weeks. So did Randy, so at least he wasn’t getting off the hook, but it still sucked.

Mr. Nichols was going to call his dad, too. That guaranteed a longer punishment in store for him, and wasn’t that just peachy? At least he saw Francis and said a few words. He’d missed his best friend when he was being a jerk for the last two days.

Mrs. Czerwicki greeted him as he set foot in her room at the end of the day. “Nate, what did you do this time?” she sighed. 

Nate blushed and laid his pink slip out on her desk. She read it over and made a noise as if she expected what she read.

“What?” 

“You protect that Francis a lot. You like that one,” she said, picking up her book. “Take a seat, Nate.”

Nate snorted, sitting down at his desk. He acted like her comment meant nothing, but it spun around in his head like a record.  

You like that one…

Nate, you’re such an idiot.

Are you sure you have a crush on Paige?

Paige… lockers… dance…

Nate froze in shock. 

“Holy shit.”

“Nate!” Mrs. Czerwicki chided. “There will be no inappropriate language here. There should be no talking at all .”

“Yeah, but–” Nate struggled but shut his mouth immediately at the look he was getting. Something told him if he pitched the idea of rescheduling detention, it wouldn’t go so well.

Oh my god. I like Francis.

Nate laid his head down on the desk, just thinking. But would that make him gay? And what about Jenny, would his dad care, and oh god what would Francis think?!

Nate shook his head. Nope. I can’t like Francis like that, it’s impossible. Dee Dee and Anna are wrong. They have to be…

The rest of detention was miserable, but not for the usual reason. Nate had denied that he liked Francis, but that annoying thought hadn’t left his head yet. Mrs. Czerwicki gave him one last talk about language, and then he started walking home. 

“Nate!” someone shouted at him. Nate paused, looking around to find Dee Dee rushing toward him at Mach speeds. She jumped at him, hugging him so hard they both toppled to the ground.

“I’m sorry for being such a dick this week,” Nate immediately apologized once he could breathe again, and Dee Dee laughed. She fixed him with a look.

“Do you get it yet? Anna told me you were talking in the library, and–”

“Okay,” Nate interrupted, sending her an apologetic look. “What’s up with you and Anna? And why is Anna so involved in my problems? Don’t get me wrong she’s nice, I was just wondering…” He trailed off once he noticed that Dee Dee was avoiding his eyes.

He facepalmed. “Shit, sorry Dee Dee. I don’t mean to keep chasing you away.”

“Anna is my girlfriend.”

Nate’s eyes widened in surprise. He was speechless for a second, watching Dee Dee blink, chew on her nails, and do all her other nervous ticks before he could even think of a reply. “She’s your what? ” is what came out of his mouth.

Not the most supportive of answers, but his mind was still reeling from Dee Dee’s confession. 

Dee Dee laughed nervously. “Yep, we’re dating. Me and Anna.” The silence afterward was uncomfortable. “Nate, please say something, you’re killing me here.” 

“Sorry, I just… I never would have guessed. Why tell me now?” he asked.

Dee Dee stood and helped him up. “I was hoping if you knew you’d trust me to help you with your issue regarding Francis.”

“Me and Francis don’t have an issue,” Nate lied, rubbing the nape of his neck. “I saved his butt from Randy earlier, we don’t have any problem whatsoever.” Nate felt the nervous sweat dripping down his face; he just hoped Dee Dee wasn’t as observant. 

She was. Dee Dee crossed her arms and leveled him with a nerve-wracking stare. “Admit it, Nate. You have a big, fat crush on Francis.”

Nate could feel his ears burning, but he caved. “Fine. Maybe.” He still didn’t like the fact that he liked Francis that way. It felt strange and uncomfortable.  

Dee Dee sighed. “It’s a start,” she said cheerily, changing her whole tune. She slung an arm around his shoulders and continued, “Let’s go to your house and figure this whole thing out.”

Nate unraveled himself from Dee Dee’s hold and said, “Woah, Dee Dee slow down!” He ran a hand down his face and sighed. “I haven’t really… processed this yet, okay? I get what you’re trying to do, but…” Nate balled his fists. This is wrong this is wrong this is wro– “I– I need to figure out how to make this go away!”

He turned and ran, face burning. He ignored Dee Dee’s calls for him to come back, and she didn’t follow. Nate was glad she kind of understood, but he felt bad for ditching her again. I should really win the best friend award.

Nate threw open the front door and ran upstairs to his room. His backpack was discarded in the sea of mess his room had become, and Nate flopped straight on his bed. He considered suffocating himself in his pillow but decided that would be a bit too dramatic.

Nate rolled over onto his back to stare at his white, blank ceiling. I should put something there, he thought . He smacked his face and groaned. Focus, idiot.

“Nate?” 

Nate jumped and sat upright. His dad was in the doorway, and he didn’t even hear him do his weird jog up their creaky stairs and awkwardly tap on his doorframe. Sheesh.

His dad sat gingerly at the end of his bed, looking at him with a sympathetic expression. “What’s wrong, chum?”

Nate glared, picking at the stray threads in his jeans. “Nothing,” he grumbled, refusing to make eye contact with his dad. 

Nate heard a sigh and felt his bed shift. “It can help to talk things out, Nate,” his dad continued with his fake-deep dad wisdom. “It’s not healthy to keep everything bottled up inside.” 

The last thing Nate wanted to do was talk it out. But strangely enough, the fake-deep dad wisdom was working on him, and his walls started to crumble. 

Before he knew it, his vision was getting blurry, and tears welled in his eyes. He squeezed them shut, letting the first few tears escape to brush them away stubbornly. He turned away from his dad, begging himself to swallow them. Boys don’t cry.  

But once they started they didn’t stop, and Nate devolved into a sniffling mess. In front of his dad. 

He expected a lot of things, for his dad to leave awkwardly, pat his shoulder and leave, or go ballistic, but what he didn’t expect was the hug he was pulled into. He didn’t expect to find any comfort in it either, but that day was full of surprises. 

“Are you having trouble with your teachers?” his dad tried to puzzle out what was wrong. After a few questions, he gave it up, replacing his inquiries with gentle solace, rubbing Nate’s back.

Once a few minutes ticked by, Nate lifted his head and wiped his eyes again. “Thanks, Dad,” he mumbled, sniffing. “I’m fine, I just… yeah.”

“You can talk to me, Nate. I’ll listen.”

Nate thought it over for a second, weighing the pros and cons of telling his dad he had a crush on Francis. In the worst-case scenario, he gets kicked out at the tender age of twelve, and he ends up homeless on the street. In the average-case scenario, his dad is indifferent but never views him the same. And in the best…

Nate took in a deep breath. “Dad, what do you do if… if you realize you’re not who you thought you were?” His question was frustratingly vague, Nate realized as he watched his dad grapple for an answer. 

“Well,” he started, “Change isn’t always a bad thing, it’s just different. Can I ask what this new Nate entails or…?”

Nate gulped. “Um… I like someone.”

His dad raised his eyebrows. “Well, that’s not a bad thing! Who’s the lucky girl?”

Nate winced. “It’s actually, uh, not. Not a girl at all.”

His dad’s eyebrows shot into the stratosphere when he connected the dots and he opened and closed his mouth a couple of times. Nate curled in on himself, afraid of his dad’s answer.

“Who’s the lucky boy, then?”

Nate’s eyebrows matched his dad’s (family trait), and his mouth dropped open. “What are you talking about?!” he shouted, surprising his dad. 

“What did you expect me to say?” his dad shot back, laughing a little bit. “Nate, I don’t care who you date, you’ll always be my son.” He paused, his mouth forming into a nervous smile. “Unless you’re not…?”

“I’m not like that, Dad,” Nate said, facepalming. “But wait, doesn’t that make me gross and gay or something.”

His dad frowned. “There’s nothing gross about loving another person, Nate; I’m being very serious about that right now, okay? I love you no matter what.”

Nate searched his dad’s eyes for any lies, but he didn’t find any. “Thank you, Dad,” he whispered. “I guess I have a lot to think about.”

His dad patted his leg. “I guess you do, champ.” He stood up and headed for the door when he spun around and asked, “Who’s the boy?”

“Dad!” Nate yelled, ears burning. 

“Okay, okay,” his dad chuckled. “I love you, kiddo.”

“I love you too,” Nate rolled his eyes, smiling a little. His dad closed his door behind him, and Nate turned out his light, flopping down for a short nap. When he woke up again, his clock read 9:46, and he jumped up in shock.

I slept six hours?!

It was completely dark in his room, but now Nate was wide awake. He turned on his lamp and sat up. There was nothing to do but think.

Or, Nate thought happily, Draw!

He grabbed his comic notebook and a pen and started drawing his latest issue of “Ultra Nate!” where he depicted his epic beatdown with Buttencourt. He drew and drew until the last panel, where his pen stopped. This is where he would usually include a girl kissing his cheek or goo-gooing at him. But it was different now…

Nate quickly capped his pen and put away his comics, a weird feeling stirring in his gut. He checked the time again, wondering if he could scrounge something quick from the kitchen without his dad knowing. He wasn’t a fan of food in their rooms.

Nate decided that his hunger was more important than whatever potential disapproval that awaited him, so he hauled himself off his bed and down the stairs. The coast was clear and from the snoring coming from the living room, it would be for a while. 

Nate decided on some cereal, and while he was pouring it, his eyes widened and he spilled. 

My audition is tomorrow! Shoot shoot shoot sho–

Nate abandoned his food and sprinted up the stairs to his room, digging through his backpack for the flier that Dee Dee gave him about the play. It took a bit, but he found it and breathed a sigh of relief. This was important to his friend, and he needed to make… well, everything up to Dee Dee, so he was putting in the effort.

He spent a good chunk of the night practicing for his audition, and when he went to sleep, he dreamed of himself in the role of Romeo, which was pretty trippy. He didn’t want to admit who was Juliet in his dream, but you can fill in the blanks.

Crushes are annoying , he thought grumpily as he pulled a shirt over his head the next morning. The school day wasn’t anything special, something he would label a SOSDD (Same Old Stuff Different Day) only slightly better because he managed not to get a single detention. Only four warnings, but whatever. The most nerve-wracking part of the day was up: his audition. 

Standing in line with a bunch of theatre kids when he was not a theatre kid was weird, he decided. Everyone was eccentric and extroverted, wishing him luck and telling him to break a leg, giving him unprompted tips for his audition. They were exactly like Dee Dee, Nate realized, but he didn’t mind it much. He was much less nervous about it now.

The audition hadn’t gone as horribly as he thought, and by the time he was done, it was almost five. Nate hadn’t expected anyone to wait up for him, but there was Dee Dee when he stepped out of the drama room.

His eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Dee Dee? I didn’t expect you to wait for me.” Nate sighed. “Listen, I’m–”

“Nope,” she interrupted. “No more apologizing, Nate. You’re going through a journey of self-discovery and it sucks, so I get it. I wanted to be there but I was being too pushy. If you don’t want to talk to me, I get it.”

Nate shook his head. “I talked to my dad about it last night,” he told her, rubbing his arm nervously. “He um… really put it into perspective.” Nate sighed and started walking to his locker, and when Dee Dee didn’t follow, he turned around and asked, “You coming?” 

Dee Dee’s face lit up and she skipped after him, chattering on happily about the play. Nate rolled his eyes, but he would be lying if he said he hadn’t missed Dee Dee. 

They went their different ways once they got to his house, and Nate immediately went to his room for another nap. He was woken up by a tap on his shoulder, and when he blearily opened his eyes, his dad was grinning down at him. 

“Hmm?” he asked in response, still half asleep.

“Nate, I just got an email from your school!” his dad said happily. “And guess what? You got Romeo in the play!”

Nate choked on his spit and jumped up, coughing uncontrollably. “What?!” he managed.

His dad was going on and on about how proud he was of his son, but Nate wasn’t listening. His head was spinning. This was supposed to end at the audition, that was the deal, not the whole stinking play.

“I have to make a call,” he said, pushing past his dad and down the stairs. When he reached the kitchen, Ellen was (surprise surprise) yakking on and on about her boyfriend to one of her friends, and Nate just snatched the phone from her hand. Before she could protest, he said, “Ellen, I never ask you for anything, could you please just let me make a call? It’s important.”

Ellen crossed her arms, seething at him, but nodded. 

Nate hung up on her confused friend and dialed Dee Dee’s home phone. Once she picked up, he yelled, “I got Romeo!” 

The silence afterward was very telling, especially for Dee Dee. “OH MY GOODNESS NATE! THAT’S SO EXCITING!” Nate pulled the phone away from his ear to save it from Dee Dee’s screeching.

“It’s not exciting!” he protested. “I can’t do the play, Dee Dee, that’s your thing. I’m Nate, I don’t do plays.”

“But you’ve never done one.”

Nate glared at the floor. “I don’t think I’ll be good at it.”

Dee Dee snorted. “Well, clearly you are if the director cast you as freaking Romeo! I’ll help you, Nate, but just be happy. You got a lead on the first try! Not just anybody can do that.”

Nate sighed. “Fine, I’ll–”

“YES!”

“I’m hanging up now,” Nate gritted out, ear ringing. 

“Okay, bye-bye Nate!” Dee Dee said cheerily before he hung up the phone. Great. He was stuck doing a stupid play. 

The next day he was swarmed by a load of sixth and seventh graders, some congratulating him for Romeo, some threatening him, some begrudgingly supportive. Nate didn’t like that kind of attention, and during his free period, he managed to slip away to the library. 

Nate looked around for Mrs. Hickson, but he didn’t see her, so he flopped down on a beanbag and sighed happily. Finally, some quiet. 

The peace was short-lived though, because someone sat next to him. When Nate looked up, he almost jumped in surprise. It was Francis.

The pair just stared at each other for a few moments, neither of them wanting to speak first. Eventually, Nate spoke up. “Hey, Francis.”

“Hey, Nate.”

Silence overtook them again. Then suddenly, Francis blurted, “Do you want to stop being friends?”

Nate’s heart stopped and his chest constricted. His answer must have been plain in his face, because Francis quickly said, “I don’t want to stop being friends, it’s just— you’ve been so weird lately, and I don’t know what I did, but… I miss you being around, Nate.”

Nate looked away. “I miss you too, Francis. Weird stuff is happening.”

Francis raised an eyebrow, clearly interested. “What kind of weird stuff?”

Nate wanted so badly to tell him at that moment, but he shut his mouth with a click. “I can’t tell you,” he said, frustrated. “I… can’t find the words yet.”

He could tell Francis was disappointed, but he didn’t say so. Instead, he stood up and told Nate, “When you’re ready to talk, I’ll be around.” And then he was gone.

Nate wanted to die. He blew his chance to get things back to normal with Francis. But you don’t want normal back, do you? 

Nate sighed and drew out some Doctor Cesspool comics, hoping it would cheer him up, but he didn’t have much success. All he could think about was Francis and how much he missed him. 

It went that way for the next month, Francis and Nate awkwardly semi-avoiding each other. Their friends ping-ponged between them, and Nate could tell it was putting a strain on their group. Dee Dee understood, but he hadn’t told anyone else. 

Nate poured most of his focus into the play, Dee Dee helping him memorize lines and practice every week at his house. If he was stuck doing the play, he might as well show everyone what a damn good Romeo he could be. 

Finally, opening night came, and there Nate was, nervously fidgeting with his costume sleeves. He felt like he was going to throw up. 

“Nate!” someone called out, and when he turned, he wasn’t surprised to see Dee Dee running toward him. 

“Hi, Dee Dee…” he mumbled, nausea swirling in his stomach.

“Are you okay? Deep breaths,” she instructed.

“What was I thinking, I can’t do this!” Nate shouted, panic rising in his throat. “I have stage fright, I froze up when our band played at the assembly, remember? Why the hell am I doing this?!” 

“Nate, calm down!” Dee Dee yelled, making him shut up. “I know it’s scary, but you’ve been practicing for weeks!” Dee Dee smirked and waggled her eyebrows. “Also, I happen to know there’s someone special in the audience~”

Nate shoved her lightly. “Shut it, dipwad.”

“I’m just saying.”

The lights began to dim, and the director hurriedly told everyone to take their places. Dee Dee backed away toward the stairs and whispered, “Break a leg!” Nate hoped she was right about all of this.

The curtain pulled, the Chorus began reciting the prologue, and Nate took a deep breath. He waited for his entrance and stepped onto the stage. 

Acting was terrifying but exhilarating. Nate wanted to laugh and throw up at the same time, and he distantly wondered if this was what Dee Dee was always talking about. He didn’t mind it. His mind almost shut off as his mouth formed the lines he memorized, that is until he glanced at the audience and saw Francis.

His breath caught for a moment. For some reason, he assumed Dee Dee was lying about Francis being there to cheer him up, but there he was, sitting by their friends and watching him make a fool of himself on stage. Classic Francis.

Nate suddenly found it hard to focus on the real Juliet, but he forced himself to gaze up at her in her tower, wishing it wasn’t Amelia Warner from his science class who always chewed her gum too loudly. 

“O, speak again, bright angel!” Nate recited. He couldn’t keep his eyes from Francis in the audience. “For thou art as glorious to this night, being o'er my head as is a winged messenger of heaven unto the white-upturned wondering eyes of mortals that fall back to gaze on him when he bestrides the lazy-pacing clouds and sails upon the bosom of the air.”

Nate tore his eyes away once he realized that he had recited one of the most romantic lines of the show to his best friend and blushed from embarrassment. The rest of the play went by without incident, but Nate couldn’t stop thinking about what a huge idiot he was.

He followed the rest of the cast out to find his friends and family, and he was immediately swallowed in a hug by his dad. He made a strangled noise. “Dad, ow!”

“I’m just so proud of you!” his dad babbled.

“Are you crying?!”

Nate’s dad set him down and wiped his eyes. Ellen grabbed him by his hair and threw his head around. 

“Ellen!” he grumbled. He looked up expecting her usual scowl, but she was smiling. “Ellen?”

“You were pretty great out there, Nate,” she admitted, letting him go. “That’s your birthday present by the way. Don’t get used to me being nice to you.”

Nate rolled his eyes.

“Nate!” 

Nate turned around just in time to be tackled to the floor by Dee Dee, and for a second he wondered if his back was still intact. 

“You were amazing!” she gushed, getting off him and hauling him up. “I forgive you like 1000 times over!” She hugged him tighter than his dad had, and Nate coughed when she let go.

“Thanks, Dee Dee,” he said, his cheeks turning pink. “Thanks… you know what for.” he regained his composure and realized that Anna was there. “Hey, Anna, thanks for coming.”

Anna smiled at him before sharing a look with Dee Dee. Nate blinked at them having a silent conversation and almost wanted to hurl. They’re so cute, barf.

“We’ve gotta go, Nate,” Dee Dee said. “Chad, Teddy, and Francis are around here somewhere. See you tomorrow!” Dee Dee grabbed Anna’s hand and waved goodbye to him. Leaving Nate alone.

It wasn’t for long though, because he was once again attacked, this time by a noogie. “Teddy! I will burn all of your action figures!” he threatened, laughing.

“Dude, if you had told past me that I would witness Nate Wright on stage with bloomers on, I would have checked you into a mental asylum,” Teddy laughed, releasing Nate’s head.

“Yeah, I can’t believe you wore that!” Chad piped in. “I think you pull it off, though.”

“Thank you, Chad,” Nate said, sending a pointed look toward Teddy, who put his hands up in surrender. “I owed it to Dee Dee.”

Nate looked around, but he didn’t see Francis.

Teddy caught on. “I think he’s at the snack table.” Nate whipped back around and looked at him in confusion. Teddy crossed his arms. “If you think I haven’t noticed my two best friends crushing on each other, then you underestimate me.”

“Can it, Teddy,” Nate hissed, ears turning red. “I’m gonna go find Francis.”

Nate pushed through the crowd to find the snack table and saw Francis there munching on some celery from the obligatory but practically untouched vegetable tray. Classic Francis, health freak. Even after years of being friends, Nate would never understand reaching for celery instead of the bowl of Cheez Doodlez (Nate’s personal touch to the snack table).

“Hey.” Nate leaned against the table by Francis and averted his eyes. 

“Nate!” Francis sounded surprised but quickly composed himself. “Hey.”

The silence was uncomfortable, but Nate couldn’t think of anything to say that wasn’t incredibly stupid. 

“You were pretty great up there.”

Nate almost jumped. “You think so?” He rubbed the back of his neck, his face burning a little. “I wasn’t that good…”

Francis chuckled. “Dee Dee said you were good, and I trust her judgement.” 

They reverted to awkward silence until it became too unbearable.

“Francis–”

“Nate–”

The two looked at each other and laughed. “You go,” Nate offered, and then cringed. Before Francis could speak, he said, “Actually, I’m gonna go.”

“Okay…”

Nate scratched his arm, tapped his foot, and looked at the decorations, really anything to avoid making eye contact with Francis. “Um…” He sighed and decided to man up. He locked eyes with Francis. “I’m sorry.”

Francis’s eyes widened. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes.” Nate coughed again. “I was a jerk.”

“I’m sorry too,” Francis said, frowning. “I knew something was wrong, and I should have… I don’t know. I’m sorry I stood around and did nothing.”

Nate huffed. “It’s not your fault I’m stupid.”

Francis laughed. “Yeah, I guess not.”

Nate knew he had to say it, but he hated it. What if Francis doesn’t want to be my friend anymore? What if he thinks I’m gross? 

“Nate?” Francis looked concerned. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

Nate swallowed the lump in his throat. “I– haven’t found the words still, but I have to tell you.” He took a breath. “I think I like you, Francis.”

Francis smiled. “I like you too, Nate.”

Nate made a noise of frustration. “No, I– why is this so hard?”

Francis pursed his lips. “Nate… I’m not going to the dance with Paige.”

“Yeah.” 

“She asked me,” Francis said. “And I said no.”

Nate frowned. “Why would you do that? Paige is nice.”

“She is,” Francis agreed. “But I like someone else.”

Nate scowled down at his shoes. “Francis–”

“It’s you, okay?” 

Nate’s eyes widened. “What?!”

“I like you. As more than a friend. So.” Francis cringed. “I have for a while, but I didn’t know how you would react, so–”

“Wait wait wait, I’m still– you like me?”

“Yes.”

“Me?”

“Yes!” Francis laughed. “Is that so hard to believe?”

“Yes!” Nate shouted, a smile lighting up his face. “I can’t believe this. I like you too!”

Francis beamed. “So… we like each other. What now?”

Nate’s mind went blank. “Oh… I don’t know. I was so focused on you not finding out that I didn’t think past telling you.”

Before Francis could answer, his dad called his name. Nate turned around. His dad was motioning for him to wrap up the conversation. Nate sighed and turned back to Francis. “I have to get going.” 

Francis looked disappointed, but he said, “Hey, it’s okay. I’ll call you?”

Nate smiled. “Y-Yeah, okay.”

“Bye, Nate,” Francis waved, a cute blush painting his cheeks. 

“Bye,” Nate breathed out, trying to commit the scene to memory as he followed his dad and Ellen out to the parking lot. 

As he sat in the back (Ellen beat him to shotgun), Nate thought about Francis. Oh my goodness. Francis is gonna call me. On the phone.

Nate was so giddy he could frolic in a field of wildflowers like some weird hippy. Francis liked him back. Holy shit.

Nate raced out of the car and threw his stuff down. He changed faster than he ever had and sprinted downstairs to the phone and sat in a chair, waiting patiently for it to ring. His mind was racing with the possibilities, what he would say to Francis, what they would talk about… 

He was so engrossed in his thoughts that when the phone actually rang, he jumped. He was quick to hit the call button. 

“Nate?” Francis’s voice came through the line and Nate’s heart skipped a beat.

“Yep, it’s me,” he said, smiling. “I’m ready to talk now.”