Work Text:
Once apon a time, in a magical somewhere (Yokohama), lived a wonderful princess- prince. He had wonderful brow, fluffy hair, brow eyes, white bandages and a wonderful dress (just like snow white's one). Every prince and princess wanted to marry him but, even though some of them were perfect enough to do a double suicide with him, his bad stepdad Mori didn't let him get married.
His stepdad isn't a good men. That's why our beautiful princess- prince became suicidal. At one day he sat in the grass together with prince Fyodor, his cousin, while playing chess. Prince Nikolai, Fyodor's beloved fiancé sat with them while taking care that they won't cheat in the game.
"What a wonderful weather! Perfect for a double suicide!" said Snowwhitezai while looking into the sky for a moment. Some little birds are singing for them. "I loveee little birds you too, Feyda?" asked Nikolai. "I like rats" answered Fyodor.
Meanwhile in the castle. Queen Mori, Snowwhitezai's stepdad, walked to a mirror hectical. It's not a normal mirror, it's a magical one. "Elise-chan, Elise-chan on the wall. Tell me: who's the most feared person in the town?" asked Mori a little shape in the mirror which is looking like an 8 year old kid.
"Well not you duh." answered the mirror. "Huh...then who's the most feared person in the town?" asked Mori quite mad at that. "Snowwhitezai is million times more feared than you." answered the mirror. "Well then...Akutagawa!" a hunter called Akutagawa, which got trained from the prince how to use guns and so on, came.
"Yes your majesty?" asked the boy. "Your new task is to kill snowwhitezai. Make sure to give me his heart afterwards." said the Queen coldy and the boy nodded. How could the poor Akutagawa kill the Snowwhitezai? After some days he went out with Snowwhitezai. "Well if Mori wants me dead so badly why can't he just let me marry someone to commit suicide with them?" asked Snowwhitezai. He's toooo clever.
He knew this from the beginning. "I won't kill you. I'll give him the heart of an animal. Run away Snowwhitezai." said Akutagawa. Snowwhitezai gave him a pat pat on the head. "You've become strong, Akutagawa." he smiled while Akutagawa started crying. Then Snowwhitezai walked away.
"He's...proud of me...ha stupid weretiger I won!" said Akutagawa. Snowwhitezai walked around until he found a little house which was not just small...it was SMALL. But somehow he managed it to get in. He was somehow shocked. The place looked even worse than his room!
Everywhere were old, empty wine bottles. He didn't really pay attention to the fact that these were expensive wine bottles. "Mhm maybe I could get a sugar daddy/mommy before asking them to commit a double suicide!" said Snowwhitezai excited. He thought for a moment. Should he help them and clean their house? Nahhh to much work! After all he's a busy prince! He walked to the sleeping room and he found 7 beds.
"Damn...whoever lives here is short as fuck...even a 5 year old kid couldn't sleep in such a small bed!" said Snowwhitezai while putting some beds together and laying on them. Much better...It's so comfortable...it won't hurt to sleep a bit, will it?
After he woke up he found himself back next to 6 little dwarves all of them under 99cm tall. "Who are you?" asked one of them. "What are you? Never heard something of a thing called milk?" asked Snowwhitezai. "I smell...gayness and he's liking to bully people for their high!" said a dwarf.
Guess it's his power to smell if the person is...gay...? And if they bully or not? Suddenly they came up with chains, chained him up cause somehow they were small but strong and they started walking to a room while dragging him. "Boss...we found this person...I smelled gayness and the urge to bully small people!" said the one dwarf to their so called 'boss'.
"Your boss is even smaller than you? We should start making milk free for everyone..." said Snowwhitezai. "You're not good with guessing highs I'm atleast 20cm taller than the others...my friends get out and make sure to close the door..." said the 'boss' and the dwarves were so afraid and did what he told them.
"Aha...well I smell anger issues" said Snowwhitezai. "Shut up and tell me who you are and what are you doing here..." said the dwarf annoyed. "Well I'm prince Snowwhitezai-" "The suicidal maniac?" "Yes, prince Snowwhitezai the suicidal maniac." said Snowwhitezai, got interrupted and finished. "Aha...I'm Chuuya" "Ah hello Chibiko" "No it's Chuuya." "Okay Chibiko" "Hell nah just fucking Chuuya!" "Okay slug." "Fine mackerel!"
After some argumenting they finally managed it to share each other information about themselves and idk. "But if the Queen wants to see you dead and you're suicidal why can't you just do it?" asked Chuuya. "I. hate. pain. but this stupid bitch wanted to let me get shoot. And I want a double suicide with someone!" whined Snowwhitezai. "Aha...whatever...if you promise to don't bully my friends anymore we'll take you for one day." "Chibiko...I'll make sure to make milk free for everyone in Yokohama!" said Snowwhitezai."The fuck just die!" answered Chuuya.
Meanwhile in the castle. "Queen...I brought the heart which you wanted..." said Akutagawa nervous and gave him a box. "perfect..." said Mori. "How sad...I lost my chess partner..." said Fyodor. "Let's plan everything for the marriage! I'm so excited! So I want birds as decoration! What do you want Feyda?" asked Nikolai. "Everything you want...but I guess rats won't hurt" answered Fyodor.
"Elise-chan, Elise-chan on the wall...tell me: who's the most feared person in Yokohama?" asked Mori the mirror while waiting for the perfect answer. "Well not you duh." answered the mirror and everyone looked shocked, Nikolai giggled and Fyodor looked like "oh my...wow guess my chess partner won't let get himself get killed that easily. Let's wait with the marriage and see this wonderful theatre" and Nikolai was like "gladly" but somehow sad cause he wanted to marriage so badly...actually the marriage night-.
"Then who is it???" asked Mori mad. "Snowwhitezai is million times more feared than you. period duhhh" answered the mirror. (Let's skip the part where Akutagawa gets ouch ouch) Some time passed Dazai lived together with the dwarves and Chuuya who's the literally most dwarfs one and Snowwhitezai became a literally maid cause he won't give up to get his sugar daddy and the expensive wine. After breakfast the dwarves got to the mountains for their work.
They always tell him to take care of old damn pedos- I mean witches or women. Someday an old-looking woman with a basket with apples came up. "h-hello young one..." said the old one. "Mori? The fuck never thought you would be a witch cosplayer..therapist and bleach won't help me now" said Snowwhitezai. "Just be a good boy and eat the damn apple!" said Mori, gave him an apple and disappeared.
"This apple looks poised...should I really eat it?" mumbled Snowwhitezai. "Yeah whatever..." and he ate it. Some time later he layed on a grave while the dwarves are crying around him, except Chuuya of course. "He was a suicidal maniac anyway..." said Chuuya quite sad and the dwarf with the smelling ability could smell even bigger gayness.
Then Akutagawa and Atsushi came. "It's sad to have such a big loss...but there's something which could rescue him!" said Atsushi. "And what furry?" asked Chuuya. "I'm not a furry...anyways y'know the story Snowwhite and the seven dwarfs? Maybe a kiss could rescue him? But who could kiss him?" asked Atsushi and Akutagawa's bf protector reflex turned on. Then Chuuya just slapped Snowwhitezai's face. "That hurted Chibiko!" whined Snowwhitezai. "Shut up." answered Chuuya. A dwarf fell and cause of that Chuuya fell too and fell on Snowwhitezai while kissing him. (Gacha logic trust me)
"The fuck?!" Chuuya stood up fast. "Chibiko is gay? Well that makes it easier. Y'know you look taller now." and Snowwhitezai was right Chuuya really grew somehow of the kiss. They starred to each other like they thought if the other one thinks the same before Akutagawa did turned Atsushi away and the dwarves closed their eyes. Snowwhitezai dragged Chuuya on his lap while kissing him passionately and holding him close.
He slipped his tongue in Chuuya's mouth while exploring every inch he could reach. He titled his head a bit to the side which allows him to go deeper which caused Chuuya to moan in pleasure. Then Chuuya wanted to dominate too and pushed his tongue in Snowwhitezai's mouth and explores every inch which caused Snowwhitezai to moan in pleasure.
After some time in which they both moan more than in the redbone education sound audio they stopped and and they both did breath heavily. Chuuya looked like 160cm and he looked proud of it. "Eh...enough? This was supposed to be a story for children...a fairy tale..." said Atsushi quite traumatized. "Yeah yeah...we'll finish that later~" said Snowwhitezai and whispered the last part to Chuuya which caused him to blush heavily. Then after some time they went back to the castle. Snowwhitezai and his sister Yosano then tortured Mori to dead before making a biggggg party. Well and Soukoku and Fyolai did a double marriage and Atsushi and Akutagawa catched the bouquet.
And if they're not dead they're still making Chuuya taller~~~ happy end lel