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There’s a crack open in his window but he has the feeling she’s not coming this time.
And, to be honest, he’s not sure if he really wants her to. Somewhere along the line he suspects she came to the same conclusion he did: There’s only so long you can love a person like this.
The unspoken rule when dealing with genies is that, while they do give you everything you wish for, there’s always going to be something that makes it not quite worth it. And there they were; everything they’d ever wanted, and neither of them were happy.
She’d whispered to him once, when they sat there talking on his too-big bed, how she’d loved him before she’d became Ladybug. And he’d confided in her he’d loved her before their first meeting as well.
But that’s what hangs between them now; the terrifying truth that neither of them really is sure if their love extends beyond the mask she wears in front of him and the good face he puts on in front of her. The both of them are so consumed with not giving away the other half of themselves that what love existed in the first place has turned fragile and broken.
There’s a crack open in his window, just like there has been all summer, but no red yoyo comes swinging through this time. No flash of dark hair and mischievous blue eyes. He doesn’t feel like waiting up for her.
She was right. They were both right. Love like this can’t survive in the outside world. Expectations like these can’t possibly be met. Ladybug isn’t in love with Chat Noir, and Adrien knows he isn’t in love with anyone other than Ladybug. The merging that would need to be done is just… unrealistic.
It’s unrealistic. And they knew that. And they’d tried anyways.
He hadn’t told her that the whole thing had seemed better in his head. He hadn’t told her that what he’d wanted was for her to love him when he’s just him, not when he’s pretending to be all the things that Chat isn’t. Ladybug doesn’t love Chat Noir. And that’s the real reason he can’t have this go on. Because he’d much rather be with someone who knew all of him and loved all of him than someone who only knows how to love the part of him
Adrien nudges Plagg, who’s sleeping on the pillow by the windowsill. “Claws out.” he whispers, and the black leather surrounds him quickly in the wake of a few curds of cheese.
Maybe he can go find Ladybug and see if she’s okay.
Chat Noir scampers across the roofs of Paris to their usual meeting spot, but she’s not there. Maybe she didn’t even come out at all today. Maybe he hurt her too much. That was never his intention - to hurt her. He’s always been her protector, from the start. Chat Noir protects Ladybug. But it seems Adrien Agreste hurts her.
Or perhaps he’s been hurting her this entire time, in the same way she’s been hurting him. Their faithfulness to each other becoming a double-edged sword in each other’s chests. The more times one of them said “I love you and only you” the more times the other one felt that stinging reminder that they didn’t love the other side of them. He wonders how many times he’s let Ladybug’s other self slip by without even bothering to look up.
Chat leaps a few rooftops away and goes to check on one of the houses he always checks on when he’s doing impromptu patrols by himself, when he’s not out to stop evil so much as he is to feel alive.
The lights of the Dupain-Cheng house are all off, except for the one by the balcony, the one belonging to the girl he’s become close with during his relationship with Ladybug. Originally he’d gone to her to try and learn more about his partner in heroism, since they seemed to at least know each other, but Marinette is just refreshing to talk to.
Once she got past the shock of talking to Chat Noir, she turned out to be someone who genuinely enjoyed his company. One particular night, he remembers, they’d bonded over the complexities of unrequited love. Him trying to warp the relationship he had with Ladybug as Adrien into something she’d understand without giving away too much, and her talking about a boy she was involved with who only seemed to be in love with a projection of her.
“You wouldn’t know him.” she’d told him. “He doesn’t seem like the type of guy to run in the same circles as you.”
He’d avoided telling her she’d be surprised what circles he runs in.
“I was really in love with him.” Marinette had sighed as they’d on her bed, parallel to her headboard, staring at her ceiling. “But now, I just don’t know if it’s going to work. I don’t think he even really sees me as a person, sometimes. Just an idea of love. He hasn’t had a lot of love in his life, you know. I don’t know if he knows he’s even really doing it - not seeing me, that is.”
“I don’t think she’d love me as much if she knew the truth.” he’d told her, after her turn at heartbreaking stories was done.
“What makes you say that?” she’d asked him.
“Not as many people are so kitten with Chat Noir as you are, Princess.”
“I happen to think you’re quite charming.”
“She’s met Chat. Sparks didn’t exactly fly on her end.”
“Give it time. After all, it’s not like I was exactly laughing at your puns the first time around.”
Now, Marinette is already out on her balcony. She smiles when she sees him, but it doesn’t really reach her eyes.
“We ended things.” she tells him, when his feet land next to hers.
“Us too.”
“Turns out I was doing the same thing to him, I guess.”
“You didn’t know. It’s not your fault.”
“He didn’t know either.”
“What about you, pretty kitty? How’d the break up go?”
“It was… quiet. I think we both saw it coming.”
“Well maybe you can give Ladybug another shot then.”
He wishes he could consider that. And maybe he would’ve accepted it, before the fight. But now, now he can’t even imagine him and Ladybug being together, even if she’d accepted him as Chat Noir, without knowing her other half.
He knows how it feels to only be loved halfway. He doesn’t want to do that to her again, not when this time she’d have all of him and he’d only know half of her.
He shakes his head. “No more secret identities in the way. I don’t think I can do that again.”
“Ahh. I see. You still love her, though, right?”
Despite everything that’s happened, the thought of Ladybug still makes that cheshire smile grow across his face. He does.
“I wish I didn’t.”
“What about your prince? The one you ended things with?”
“I wish I didn’t.”
Marinette picks at a piece of peeling white paint on the edge of the balcony, and her eyes are blank as they look out at the dark street and the rooftop across from them, where he’d leaped from earlier.
Her dark hair looks so black that it’s almost blue in the absence of light caused by the new moon. Her fingers are delicate, but they’re doing quite a bit of damage to the paint job. She’s this big mess of contradictions that he’s absolutely fascinated by. And she’s the only one he’s fairly sure knows him both ways and enjoys as both.
Marinette knows him as Adrien and talks to him and always is the first to say yes when he invites the group out to play video games or go to the movies or something.
Marinette knows him as Chat Noir and swats around his bad puns as they linger in the air, never truly letting him down. She laughs when his smile grows so wide he’s afraid it might exceed his face and fall off, because he can’t remember smiling like this in years. She pulls out a camera when he can feel his eyes take on that cat-like glint when he has an especially bad and brilliant idea.
And for some reason, she wants him around, despite knowing both of him.
She’s picking at the paint, and Adrien knows he’s not quite ready to move on from Ladybug quite yet, but a part of him wants to reach over and cover her hands with his and let her lean her head on his shoulder so it wouldn’t slump quite so much as they both look out at the world in which him and Ladybug could not survive in.
The world is dark, and the paint is white, and he doesn’t need any genie in a bottle this time.
Because this time it’s not so much wishing for the one thing you want more than life itself and ignoring the catch for as long as you can.
This time it’s recognizing that they’re both a little messy, both a little heartbroken, both a little tired of the world handing them half of the love they deserve.
This time Marinette’s looking especially pretty in only the dim light of the street lamp below them. And this time, Adrien thinks it might survive in the light.