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As if forgetting his original reason for entering the bathroom upon waking up, Wriothesley was frozen in place staring at the mirror, specifically at a small spot in his reflection.
“Hmmm, looks like Neuvillette really likes my neck,” the duke murmured as he lightly rubbed the hickey at the base of his neck.
Just then, he heard a knock on the door. Speaking of the devil.
“I apologize for disturbing you, but I wanted to check on your condition. You've been in there for so long. Do you need my help?”
Hearing Neuvillette’s sweet, concerned tone of voice was one of Wriothesley’s guilty pleasures but it placed the burden on him to reassure his beloved.
“It's nothing. Sorry to keep you waiting.”
“Ah, I understand now. I apologize for bruising your neck. I didn't realize I was hurting you last night.”
As expected, Neuvillette looked far more guilty than he should have been. Just a week after they started sharing a bed at night, he gained a fondness for Wriothesley's deep scars on his neck and vowed to worship them in exchange for the excruciating pain those wounds must have caused him decades before. Apparently, he was far too enamored the previous night.
“It was nothing. I would have winced if I felt any pain.”
“I don't trust that coming from someone who withstands medical treatment without anesthetics.”
“Well, sometimes a little pain is nice…”
“Wriothesley!”
“No, I promise I didn't feel any pain. You should bite me again.”
“What about speculations about your sex life? Every time a witness is spotted donning hickeys, the audience members never fail to raise questions about their intimate relations with the other parties involved in the trial.”
Wriothesley was a mature adult who understood the ins and outs of interpersonal interactions. Of course, he knew for a very long time that most people obtained their hickeys from passionate sexual encounters, and he's liberal enough to not feel squeamish at the mere mention of sex, but he truly did wish that the same rules about hickeys didn't apply to himself. What did Neuvillette think about it? Was he basically declaring that those times he gently but eagerly kissed his neck were all done with sexual intent? Perhaps it has always been the reality, and Wriothesley remained willfully dense about it.
“Well, my sex life is non-existent. But I don't mind making the inmates’ lives more entertaining by providing them with intrigue, as long as they don't suspect you, of course.”
“... Come closer.”
Being the obedient lover he was, Wriothesley followed without raising any question, and as soon as he stepped slightly forward, Neuvillette grabbed his nape swiftly and latched his mouth onto the hickey. Then, he proceeded to lick it lightly. What a bold move.
“Take a look in the mirror,” Neuvillette ordered.
As Wriothesley heeded the instruction yet again, he immediately noticed the absence of the striking mark from earlier.
“Oh, thank you. I didn't know you could do that.”
“I always find a way to compensate for my transgressions.”
Huh? Did Neuvillette mean to say that expressing his own lust counted as a transgression? Wriothesley wanted to assure his lover that this wasn't the case, but he didn't want the conversation to drag on for any longer, so he resorted to thinking of a better way to let Neuvillette know that he can fulfill any of his desires whenever he wants.
~
Later that night, Wriothesley emerged from the bathroom after tending to some scratches on his fingers that he got from trying to repair a jammed machine in the fortress. He tried to be as discreet as possible to avoid having Neuvillette fuss over him again because as adorable as it was, he didn't like piling on the judge's stress levels. As soon as he stepped into the bedroom, he found Neuvillette sprawled on his side of the bed reading one of the books the duke lent him. His head was leaning on the back of his left hand while his right hand held the book and his silk night dress was hitching up his leg to reveal his smooth, milky thighs. It was such an ethereal sight, worthy of being preserved as a marble sculpture. Neuvillette’s entire appearance could have been mistaken for a magnum opus created during the Remurian Empire’s golden age. An easily tempted Wriothesley couldn't help but stare and stare and stare…until a slightly disturbing thought entered his mind: Was he supposed to do more than just stare? Was this a form of seduction that he was meant to respond to as a lover? Maybe this was the perfect time to bring up the topic of desires , even though it made Wriothesley nervous in such a way that no diplomatic negotiation had ever done to him before.
“Mhm, you really do keep good literature around here,” Neuvillette brought up all of a sudden.
“Go on then. I'm not here to interrupt your reading.”
“You aren't. I'm done for the day. I'll continue from where I left off tomorrow, and in the succeeding days.”
“Alright. Now that I'm here, is there anything you want us to do together?”
“Will you please come and hug me? If that's alright…”
“Well, you know, I'm…not opposed to other forms of physical contact. We can try something new, if you'd like. I'd let you touch me anywhere.”
It was a half truth. While Wriothesley did just allow Neuvillette to touch any part of his body, he wasn't exactly unopposed to it. The sheer thought of those delicate hands wandering around to previously unexplored places sent a shiver down his spine–and not the type that signaled excitement. It's probably because he kept recalling those times his fellow inmates’ hands randomly lingered on his ass for a few seconds. But he had to forget that part of his past if he wanted to fully accommodate the best partner he could ask for.
“Really? Anywhere?”
“Yes,” Wriothesley responded with a whisper.
“If that's the case, then will you be willing to sleep with me–”
“Oh, that refers to sex, doesn't it?” Wriothesley thought to himself in a split-second panic.
“Cradling your head in my arms?”
“Huh?”
“I almost always nuzzle against your chest, allowing your warm embrace to envelop me, and you also stroke my hair more often than not. I wish to do the same for you. Will you grant me permission?”
“Of course. Why wouldn't I?”
Admittedly, Wriothesley was rather confused with the request. It was a reasonable one, but it didn't require such explicit permission. Neuvillette was probably far too much of a gentleman that he had to resist the urge to invite him to have sex despite Wriothesley allowing it. Still, despite the confusion, he felt a great sense of relief wash over him and quickly positioned himself as his lover had suggested.
As soon as Neuvillette's arms fully wrapped around Wriothesley, making him feel vulnerable and cherished, he felt fingers gently running through his short black hair.
“Do you feel my heartbeat, Wriothesley?”
“Mhm.”
“Then I apologize for the inconvenience. My heart is beating very quickly, so you may not find it soothing.”
“I don't mind. It still feels nice to listen to.”
“Thank you. I just can't help it. I love you so much. You're so perfect… ”
Wriothesley winced slightly at the comment, knowing that it couldn't be true–especially not after he realized that he was being such a prude who was so selfish with his body to the point that he struggled to make exceptions for his own lover.
“You're so sweet, Neuvillette. I love you too.”
Although the warden's mind was inundated with nearly endless thoughts about his inability to please his partner, the gradual slowing of said lover's heart beat managed to lull Wriothesley to sleep.
~
“Neuvillette…”
The alarm was blaring so loudly and repetitively and the iudex himself was still fast asleep, seemingly even more immovable than a Praetorian Golem.
“Ah!”
And of course, Neuvillette was also far more powerful than any of those marble statues, crushing Wriothesley in his tightening hug. Not only was he difficult to wake up, he was also incredibly clingy on top of that.
“Neuvillette, darling…please wake up, I'm begging you…”
“Hm?”
Oh finally, someone was regaining consciousness.
“Good morning, sweetheart. Time to get to work. I also have some repairs to oversee today.”
“Thank you for waking me up.”
The judge may have just risen from bed but his observant gaze already picked up on something noteworthy.
“You're rubbing your neck and shoulders. Did our sleeping position hurt you?”
“Mmm, it's not the sleeping position itself. Being stuck in one position the whole night would naturally lead to this.”
“I'm sorry…”
“No need to apologize. I've always liked the idea of you using me as a pillow.”
Wriothesley’s little smirk combined with his patient demeanor made Neuvillette's heart flutter first thing in the morning, but to be honest, it happens nearly every time they're together.
~
“Some people are like components, you just have to keep tapping away…”
Despite knowing it was an oversimplification of human behavior, Wriothesley found this representation to be rather helpful in guiding him towards becoming a more effective manager of the Fortress of Meropide. In some cases, he was also able to admit that the metaphor could possibly work on himself decently enough. If he was dragging his feet on initiating sex with Neuvillette, then maybe he could get something to “tap” him.
Long story short, that's how he found himself drinking tea with aphrodisiac properties, which he purchased after relaying his anonymous request to a long chain of contacts. Oh, and he was sipping it right in Neuvillette's presence, hoping that the tea would work as intended.
“That Edwin Eastinghouse keeps making your life difficult,” the chief justice responded to Wriothesley's anecdote with a hint of annoyance in his voice.
“Heh, don't worry. I return the favor by asking him stupid technical questions I know the answer to already. Then I pretend to not understand it when he explains it but when our other researchers do, I praise them effusively.”
“But won't he find you rather…unintelligent?”
“Well, he already thinks that way about everyone to begin with. I'd prefer to put him in place than have him continue to talk over Jurieu and Lourvine.”
“Mhm. I hope you realize that your intellect is quite admirable for you to keep up with researchers of the highest caliber. Don't you think otherwise.”
“I try my best, I suppose.”
“Oh, your legs are crossed,” Neuvillette mentioned out of nowhere, changing the topic completely.
It was only at this point that Wriothesley had realized that the effects of the tea were sinking in. His skin felt like it was burning and tingling, and he subconsciously became very self-conscious about his groin area.
“Is there a problem with that?”
“Not at all. It's simply a rare sight.”
He wasn't wrong. The duke often prefers to sit with his legs spread slightly apart for maximum comfort, and it wasn't an issue nowadays since he hardly ever had to sit directly beside anyone in a crowded space. Yet the truth was that it wasn't as rare as Neuvillette had made it seem.
Despite attempts of the Fortress of Meropide to cultivate an environment where inmates embrace positive change towards personal development, daring opportunists will always still exist. In cases where Wriothesley identifies grave violations of the prison’s rules, he sometimes summons the transgressors to his office so he can give them a short disciplinary message before he ultimately has them sent to detention. The good ones keep their heads hanging low and some of the more cunning ones, whatever gender they may be, get down on their knees right in front of him.
“Can I make it up to you, Your Grace?” they would say with wide eyes, and without fail, Wriothesley always crossed his legs tightly and leaned forward in an attempt to maintain his threatening aura while simultaneously protecting his…nether regions as much as possible. Despite his subordinates being present in the room as well, a few (at least three) inmates would still attempt to seduce him enough for him to hopefully send out the guards and accept the illicit arrangement. Obviously, not once had he taken up this kind of offer and he'd never been tempted to do so–far from it, considering the despair brewing in his gut was much worse than what he felt whenever he ate Wolsey's dishes back when he was still an inmate. He'd often roll his eyes, deliver some elegantly worded insult, then tell the guards something along the lines of “they never learn,” with a very scoffing tone. Essentially, his go-to tactic for the situation was covering up fear with annoyance and disdain, because the latter conveys power somehow. He had to deny his feelings because they couldn't possibly be true, right? How can someone in a position of power feel violated by someone lower ranked than them?
Regardless, Neuvillette didn't need to know any of that.
“So you look at my legs often?”
“I observe everything about you. You're quite delightful to watch.”
“Even something as simple as crossing my legs?”
“Yes, every little thing tells me a lot about you.”
“Oh really now?”
“Mhm. Right now I can sense that you're in a bad mood, slightly annoyed.”
Close enough. In truth, Wriothesley was horny but with how unpleasant it felt, he might as well be annoyed. How does that make any sense whatsoever? It's normal to feel irritable when your libido is surging, but that usually happens when there's no one around who you'd like to satisfy your urges—except his exceptionally gorgeous lover was seated right across him. So why did he feel like he wanted to shut himself in and shun any physical contact? Why didn't he crave Neuvillette's searing touch…or whatever people say in this situation? All he wanted was for his skin to feel cool and relaxed as soon as possible.
“Your perception is rather accurate. I really do apologize for souring your mood.”
“No need, Wriothesley. I don't mind. I wish to become acquainted with your moody side as well. Surely, you undergo lots of stress regularly and I want to empathize with you. Nonetheless, I hope I'm not the source of your irritation…”
Ugh, dating Neuvillette was so difficult. He was far too kind that it sometimes ended up putting pressure on his lover to match that exact level of benevolence. He even went as far as to appreciate seeing his partner being sullen, apparently. It's in moments like these that Wriothesley doesn't understand how he formed a relationship with such a person, and why that person is so greatly enamored with him. It's a continuous struggle, but since he's been dating Neuvillette for some time already, he knew that he could get by as long as he learned how to maintain a gentle temperament and accommodate his lover decently enough.
“No, no. Not at all. It was just the tea. It's…such bad quality.”
He couldn't say it tasted bad because it had a decent flavor, but the aphrodisiac effects were just so awful.
“Ah, I see now. I recommend that you throw it out.”
“You know what, that's a good idea.”
Taking to the suggestion easily, Wriothesley stood up and poured his aphrodisiac tea down the sink, along with the hope of him ever becoming a grown man with enough sexuality.
“Who’s the manufacturer?” Neuvillette asked with a coldness to his tone, as if he wanted to bring the tea producers to court.
“I don't really know, honestly.”
“Well then, I hope you remember what the packaging looks like so you can avoid coming into contact with these offensive, sub-par tea leaves next time.”
“Wow, you're being so protective of me.”
“Why wouldn't I be? You, of all people, only deserve joy and satisfaction.”
Right…and yet he was still incredibly horny, which kept him very cranky until it was somehow dealt with.
“Neuvillette, let me freshen up first, alright? I'll be back shortly.”
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Shortly, yes—because even though masturbating to get rid of his occasional morning wood usually took almost 20 minutes, it should be faster this time considering how worked up he'd become because of the tea. So he walked into the bathroom with a mission to do what was necessary to make himself feel relieved as fast as possible, even if he had to struggle for it a bit. Then, he’d emerge from the bathroom in his pajamas, all fresh and clean with his skin free from prickliness.
As soon as he locked the door, he leaned against the cool tile wall and whipped out his erect dick, which didn't really feel like his. For a man, it's supposed to exude some sort of powerful aura but he’s just inconvenienced by it, as he is with prisoners trying to act all domineering to cover up their insecurities.
“I brought this upon myself so I have no choice but to give you what you want so badly,” Wriothesley thought, as if talking to his own dick. When he stroked it slightly with his warm hand, he shuddered a bit in pleasure and told himself internally “oh my, am I actually gonna finish in less than ten minutes?”
Determined to not keep Neuvillette waiting, he continued stroking his hard length hoping that the sensation alone would do it, but the build up towards his orgasm felt like it was slowing down only after a few strokes. Ugh, right…the little guy needs *thoughts* to actually ejaculate. Damn it.
Of course, after a couple decades of doing this, he had prepared a mental file cabinet containing some arousing scenes or descriptions that could help him climax a little bit faster. So he pulled out the most recent thing he could think of–the personal anecdote of a divorced “straight” man bottoming for the first time that he found in one of the magazines he's subscribed to. (Yes, he has many subscriptions to help him get a well-rounded idea of the lifestyle and culture of the overworld). There were descriptions of how full the author felt, with a girthy dick ramming inside of him and that helped Wriothesley build up a bit of pressure for a bit until he recalled all the sexy keywords he took note of from the article and had to play them in his head again in a loop.
“He had a reallyyyy huge dick inside of him, think about how that feels,” the struggling warden told himself repeatedly and couldn't feel it working anymore as the thought had bored him. He tried shifting perspectives to think about how the top must have felt, but it didn't help that much either.
“Okay, let's think of something new. Ah! The vibrator ad. Vibrators are sexy…” and it did work for a while until he realized there were limits to things you could imagine with a vibrator without scenario prompts.
Then, he got out his secret weapon–the blowjob scene in one of his guilty pleasure gay romance novels. It was an important moment, when the two leads could no longer deny their feelings for each other even though they had just agreed to be friends with benefits. Although they'd done everything under the sun already, this scene featured them doing something sexual in public for the added thrill. For some reason, the idea that they could both get caught made the two characters realize how much they wanted to be viewed by others as lovers if they were found out. The writing was oddly great–the way the author crafted unique dialogue and focused on the psychological pleasure over the technical aspects of the scene really tugged at Wriothesley’s heartstrings. Surely, it would help him tug at his dick. It always does, to some extent, just enough to get him over the edge if he reserves this as his last thought before ejaculating, but he also knows that some other times, it isn't able to trigger his orgasm right away. Frustratingly, the latter happened this time around, so he still needed more dirty thoughts. His mental file cabinet stored a great many of those but his memory occasionally fails him when he's in the middle of self-pleasure.
“Ah, I get it. Maybe this is the chance to try thinking of Neuvillette…” He imagined it would be like one of those romantic tropes where the main character can only find themselves turned on by their partner and no one else anymore. He hoped that the case would be the same for him but he knew from his previous attempts that he wasn't that much of a romantic apparently. However, maybe he just needed to get into the mood and he could start picturing something along the lines of the chief justice taking his dick down his throat and looking up at him with tears in his eyes. The problem was he felt some level of dissociation, unable to imagine that the cock in Neuvillette's mouth was his. In fact, he couldn't even picture the moans, the wetness, the head-bobbing motions–he really didn't know what any of it was supposed to look or sound like. Then he realized his hand was frozen in place as he was trying to create that mental image. Great, maybe he needed something else. What about him taking Neuvillette's cock in his mouth? What about having Neuvillette ride him? What about Neuvillette taking him from behind? What about classic missionary with all the hugging and stuff? Maybe even one of them tying the other up? Nothing was really working no matter how hard he tried. Is it because he viewed his lover as too pure to be tainted with dirty images? But don't other people find the idea of tainting someone's purity kinda hot? So why couldn't he? Why was his dick so picky–no, why was his brain so picky?
With the distress piling up on him, Wriothesley decided to shift gears a bit and maybe just try to pick another thing from the mental file cabinet that would actually help him come for now. What about straight sex? He remembered seeing art of it before, it wasn't bad but it obviously wasn't helpful either. So just continued jumping from one racy thought to another for a while and luckily enough, there was enough momentum gained for him to be pushed over the edge, spilling semen all over his hand, during which he shifted to thinking about the gay romance novel out of habit. Finally, it was over.
Satisfied at having reached the end of all that, he thoroughly cleaned up whatever mess he made and put on some new clothes, feeling light and fresh. He missed Neuvillette after all that physical and mental exertion, and was eager to meet him again with a brighter disposition.
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When he got out of the bathroom and return to the table where he and Neuvillette were chatting casually earlier, he spotted one of his insulating teapots and a blue teacup with white flowers on it (a gift from his lover and was automatically dubbed his favorite from the moment he laid his eyes on it) on top of said table, with Neuvillette waiting patiently in the same place he was seated in earlier.
“Did you…”
“Yes, I made you some tea to cheer you up. I know how you like your Earl Grey.”
Wriothesley was rendered speechless. He had definitely spent a double digit number of minutes away taking care of a problem he created and his doting partner was here making tea for him? How did this even happen to him?
“That being said, I wasn't sure if you wanted to drink it right now so I made sure to keep it in the insulating teapot so you can have it another time. I hope I wasn't being overly presumptuous. I was just thinking about the horrible tea you had to endure and I wanted to compensate you for it.”
“I…”
“Um…did I make the wrong call?”
“No, Neuvillette. You never make the wrong call.”
And thus, Wriothesley surged forward and wrapped his arms tightly around his lover's shoulders. Then, he kissed the side of Neuvillette's cheek near his ear–one of his favorite places to be kissed.
“You're so lovely,” Wriothesley added before tucking a strand of white hair behind those delicate pointy ears then placing a light, gentle, and lingering kiss on Neuvillette's lips.
“Café Lutece might lose a customer if you keep doing this for me,” he said in a soft, low tone with a hint of teasing.
Over the course of his life, Neuvillette has seen a great many couples flirting and passionately kissing along the streets of the Court of Fontaine yet he still finds Wriothesley’s displays of affection to be the sweetest of all. The warden always tries to be good natured for his lover regardless of the adversities he faced at work and in his own personal life, and he's always patient and reassuring on top of that. The duke gives praise so liberally over the simplest of things he does like boiling water and using a tea bag. He's such a flatterer while still somehow remaining honest. Neuvillette couldn't help but swoon…
“I’m glad you're feeling better now.”
“You can make me feel even better by having some tea with me.”
At this point, Neuvillette was so smitten and he wanted even more.
“I hope it won't be a bother to you, but…would it be possible for us to take this to bed?”
What? No, Wriothesley's dick felt so tired and beaten up. He probably won't be able to get it up anymore. As much as he wanted to fulfill Neuvillette's every single desire, he had to be a little more assertive and ask to take a raincheck instead.
“Well, my dear, I think…”
“Ah, you're right. We might spill it all over the bedsheets…”
Oh god, he was getting that graphic.
“I mean, that's not exactly a problem but, uh…”
“No worries. It's alright. You have to lay down your boundaries. Drinking tea in bed really is quite absurd.”
So that's what he was referring to? Wriothesley couldn't act too shocked or he'd have to explain his misconception, which would make things even more awkward for them.
“Hmmm, thinking about it more, I've become amenable to it. You exercise a lot of caution. I'm sure you won't spill a single drop on my sheets and if you do, I'm decent at laundry. I've been washing your night dresses by hand for months now.”
Upon hearing this, Neuvillette turned his head to the side bashfully. So cute.
“I promise to be careful. I just want to sit beside you under the covers. I've been thinking about some conversation topics while you were freshening up.”
Thank goodness Neuvillette didn't have a single clue about what he was doing back there. God. He may have been horrible at self-pleasure but hey, at least he was extremely stealthy while doing it.
“Great! Let's hear them.”
“I remember you telling me you watched the latest crime thriller film. Is it really as good as the reviewers say it is or are the praises a bit excessive?”
“Well, that question makes it seem like you want to stay up late with me because I do have a very long answer to that, if you're willing to hear it of course.”
“Yes. Tell me everything, my dear.”
~
Normally, Wriothesley never hesitates to put in the effort to wake Neuvillette up from his deep slumber every single morning because he loves his partner so much and also because he absolutely does not want to risk getting caught with the iudex in his bed at all costs. However, this morning, he had the urge not to fulfill his obligation for a certain reason.
Yes, you have a noticeable bulge in your pants now, but at least Neuvillette's not going to wake up with your hard-on pressed against his ass unlike you did…
Ugh, morning wood is always such a pain. He never even remembers what dreams cause it. Regardless, Neuvillette was the sole priority in this situation.
“Honey, please wake up…”
The endearments almost always worked. If not, a kiss was needed. Speaking of which, would kissing his lover while he was hard make him feel hornier or…?
Luckily, he didn't have to test that theory as Fontaine's chief justice had finally opened his eyes.
“Thank you for waking me up, as always.”
“You're welcome and good morning,” Wriothesley replied curtly with his back turned away from Neuvillette.
“Sweetheart, are you alright? Did I do anything to upset you last night?”
Crap, his stance and tone of voice made him seem mad.
“No, not at all. Just thinking about something. Let me shower first.”
“Oh…are we not having breakfast together today?”
Wriothesley couldn't resist that delicate voice with the slight raspiness from newly waking up, especially not when there was a hint of disappointment in it.
He turned around and took a very deep breath.
“The thing is, I'm experiencing a little inconvenience now and I was hoping to take care of it.”
Luckily, he didn't have to explain further as Neuvillette's eyes naturally wandered downwards.
“Ah, it doesn't seem like just a little inconvenience…”
“...”
“I meant to say waking up with an erection does seem highly inconvenient, I wasn't talking about the size of your penis in and of itself, though it also doesn't seem small. However, I'm not aware of what the average size is supposed to be…”
Great, now it was awkward for everyone.
“So, what do you think of it?”
“... Do you need help with that?”
“What ‘help’ do you have in mind?”
“Well, hm…for a romantic partner, it could perhaps be considered my duty to either provide manual or oral stimulation.”
There it is. Finally. No more prolonging the agony.
“However, you just woke up with an erection. You don't seem to be in the mood for anything. I've heard that these sorts of erections may appear randomly with hardly any cause. Perhaps I accidentally rubbed against you early this morning while you were spooning me…”
“You're right, actually. Now I'm curious to know, where did you hear about this?”
“... It came up in a sexual assault case I handled. The arousal during sleep was contentious, but I learned that it's not a sign of willingness so one is not supposed to touch it while a person is asleep, unless the partners have had a thorough discussion surrounding somnophilia beforehand.”
Wow, he was so well-informed that he even knew of a specific kink people had.
“Oh. I'm sorry to learn that. It must have been tough for you...”
“I can't deny that. In my early years as a judge, it was tough learning how humans can turn something meant to be pleasurable into something so painful.”
Shit. It seemed like Neuvillette also had some bad associations with sex just as Wriothesley had due to those lascivious remarks he received from his fellow inmates. Maybe it was his duty to show his lover how sex can actually be pleasurable…or at least something as far from sexual assault as possible.
“Then I suppose it's up to me to introduce you to the pleasures of lovemaking…”
“Ah yes. That's why we're lovers…but I can sense that as of the moment, you have a strong preference for a cold shower so we can explore this next time.”
Right. A cold shower! Wriothesley almost forgot about that. He thought he was going to have to masturbate then shower. Whew, what a relief! And it was the perfect plan considering he showers every morning.
“I'm looking forward to it. How about tonight?”
Wriothesley tried to make it sound as suave as possible despite him cringing profoundly deep down.
Meanwhile, Neuvillette remained silent for a few seconds in contemplation, looking up at the duke with squinted eyes as if trying to analyze the facial expression of a witness at the stand.
“Alright. We shall have our first attempt later.”
Wriothesley had heard of many couples getting cold feet before their wedding day even if they were genuinely anticipating their marriage. It made sense, since nervousness and excitement often come hand in hand, as if these emotions were a married couple too. But what about dread? Is it just a more intense kind of nervousness or is it a truly bad sign? Regardless, Wriothesley was extremely determined to stifle that dread and convince himself that it was just his unique way of experiencing excitement. After all, dread was linked to anxiety, and anxiety could pass off as excitement, right? Because how could someone possibly dread having their dick inside the most stunning Monsieur Neuvillette's…wait what are his genitalia even–or maybe having Neuvillette's cock/s (if he has at least one) inside them? If he loved everything about Neuvillette, he should make it a point to love whatever was in his underwear too. At least, that's what he thought was expected from him…
~
Most men suffer from performance anxiety before and even during sex, or at least that's what Wriothesley learned from reading or overhearing people discuss the topic. Maybe he's just one of them, especially as a man in his 30s who hadn't lost his virginity yet. So when the thought of him being terrified about what was about to transpire resurfaced in the murky ocean of his mind for around the 38th time, he thought the remedy would simply be to reassure himself of his ability to please Neuvillette in bed regardless of his actual technique. And yet…the image of Neuvillette receiving pleasure–moaning, panting, repeating “so good, Wriothesley” over and over again…it gave him the chills. He could have sworn even the most dangerous Pankration fights felt more exciting than this. Ugh, he's such a bad lover. Who even dreads the prospect of making love to their romantic partner? Perhaps part of his anxiety stemmed from his previous bad experiences with unsolicited sexual remarks but Neuvillette isn't like those people at all! So why…
Looking at himself in the mirror, Wriothesley understood the image that he projected. He possessed both a muscular physique and an intimidating aura, which he normally appreciated as a result of all the years he spent on grueling hard work that pushed his physical, mental, and emotional abilities. Yet sometimes, the image that was presented to him didn't perfectly match how he truly saw himself. That reflection in the mirror looked like a man who loved beer, sought out lots of fights for fun, and had a lot of dating and sexual experience under his belt. It's strange, but he doesn't really mind it as long as he stays true to his character and acts according to his wishes. But when it came to the idea of having sex with the chief justice, he had a suspicion that it would feel like his body had a different owner who regularly engaged in this sort of thing and he’d be trying to copy whatever they did normally to avoid suspicion. Dissociation, in short.
Regardless, Wriothesley told himself that his desire to give Neuvillette anything and everything he could ever want far outweighed his own sense of discomfort. With that thought fueling his willpower, he gently turned the doorknob and opened his bathroom door. Perhaps striding into the bedroom with a hard-on would have made him look more attractive, but he figured that his lover could take care of stimulating his cock for him and things would work out fine from there. He just hoped Neuvillette wouldn't use his mouth to do it but if that's really what he'd want, who was he to stop him?
Interestingly, when Wriothesley finally got out of his own head and actually paid attention to the situation at hand, it turned out that Neuvillette was sitting at the edge of the bed with his hands on his lap and his back straight. This made more sense than him biting his lip while being sprawled on the bed with a shoulder exposed like a seductress. His anxious mind created an image of a very lustful Neuvillette who nipped at every inch of his skin and was an expert at dirty talk just to creep himself out, briefly forgetting that the real Neuvillette was rather shy. That posed a different problem altogether, since it placed a pressure on Wriothesley to be the more confident one in bed. Although apparently, serving as the Fortress of Meropide’s administrator wasn't enough preparation for him to be more decisive in the bedroom.
“You may sit beside me,” Neuvillette said softly and gestured to his left. “What would you like to do?”
As Wriothesley took his place beside his lover, he responded, “I intend to keep my promise from earlier.”
The look on Neuvillette's face was indecipherable but the determined iudex still wrapped his arms around Wriothesley's shoulders and stared into his eyes for a few moments before pulling him in for a kiss, which was surprisingly feather light.
Wriothesley followed up by gripping Neuvillette's waist and letting himself feel the luxurious, silky fabric of his rose gold night dress. He also did attempt to kiss with tongue, to signal that he wasn't too lazy or uninterested to have sex because apparently, torrid kissing is necessary foreplay or something. Yet while Neuvillette accepted the deeper kisses, he still kept a slower, more relaxed pace and he seemed uninterested in running his hands through Wriothesley's hair or up and down his back. He didn't even attempt to slide them under his shirt. Their makeout session ended up being so calm and soothing, especially since Neuvillette's smooth and soft hair was so satisfying to stroke. At this point, Wriothesley was about to give in to the temptation of lazily cuddling and kissing his beloved, throwing the sex out the window entirely. Nonetheless, Wriothesley didn't lose sight of his dedication. And so he broke the kiss and latched his lips onto Neuvillette's elegant, swan-like neck because for some reason, the social script dictates that neck kisses are more sexual compared to kisses on the lips. The duke personally didn't understand the difference but he had a feeling that his lover might.
As Wriothesley was trailing kisses up and down Neuvillette's gorgeous neck, he was relieved to hear him humming lightly in satisfaction without actually moaning. That would've made him feel very awkward…
After going back and forth kissing along that trail around five times already, Wriothesley realized that there was a limit to how many times he could do that so he stopped and asked the much dreaded question.
“So, is this the point where we take our clothes off?”
“Hmmm…I did do a bit of reading to prepare myself and it turns out that some people have sex with their clothes on. What would you prefer?”
Honestly, he'd prefer to have this entire affair canceled.
“Clothes off,” Wriothesley tried to say as nonchalantly as possible to not give himself away, not realizing that he had crossed his arms to appear more standoffish.
“What about the other details of the act? Transparency is the key to such an endeavor, is it not?”
Wriothesley was probably just hearing things, but it almost sounded as though Neuvillette was quizzing him all of a sudden with the slight shift in his tone.
“You have a point. So what is it you want to know, darling?”
“Perhaps…position.”
He really didn't think this through. Both the idea of topping and bottoming felt strange to Wriothesley and he was hoping to let Neuvillette decide how things would go to make it easier on him. Perhaps he could work his way around the question.
“I have no preferences when it comes to roles so I wouldn't mind whichever way you'd want. You can use me however you like,” Wriothesley responded with an attempt to make his intonation sound flirtatious. If he was cringing at this already then he'd be hopeless when it comes to dirty talk.
“I see. I am unfamiliar with these things so I was hoping you could guide me through the process…”
Wriothesley forgot that they were equally inexperienced and the iudex often considered himself less knowledgeable on human customs. Ugh, he'd have to come up with something to salvage things quickly before Neuvillette noticed. He recalled that even though taking a painfully long time to finish was a burden during masturbation sessions, the ability to last long was a highly valued trait of a top during sex. Then, he could also surrender more control to Neuvillette to set the pace so that he wouldn't have to worry about fumbling the entire time.
“If you put it that way then, I suppose it would be great to have you ride my dick.”
The duke wanted to be dissolved by primordial sea water in that instant.
“By that, do you mean you want to have your penis inside me as I'm positioned on top of you?”
There it was again. The judge voice. It was as if he was making a clarification regarding a testimony.
“Yes.”
He squeezed his own arms more tightly realizing just exactly what he got himself into. Then he noticed Neuvillette narrow his eyes at him.
“Mhm, my suspicions have been confirmed. You're lying.”
“Huh? Why would you say that?”
“I can sense from your behavior that you are opposed to having sex, despite what you're telling me. You're gripping your arms tightly, your voice sounds colder, and your eyes are full of…darkness.”
Of course it was obvious. How did he even think he could fool Neuvillette successfully?
“Oh come on, isn't it normal to be anxious for your first time?”
“Perhaps but…shouldn't it manifest with some level of excitement? For instance, when you first kissed me, your eyes were sparkling and you had this flirtatious smirk that you couldn't seem to get rid of.”
“I'm sorry. The nervousness is just getting to me right now. It doesn't mean I'm uninterested in having sex with you.”
Despite his lie being exposed by Neuvillette, Wriothesley believed that his only option was to double down and convince both of them that he truly wanted this. He would do anything to prevent Neuvillette from feeling let down.
“Either way, perhaps we can relax for now. There's no harm in postponing this to another date.”
Wriothesley believed that Neuvillette had said this with his typical concerned and gentle tone again, probably to mask his disappointment.
“I promise I'm fine. Can we just continue?”
“No. You're not giving proper consent.”
What? Just how enthusiastic did he have to sound for Neuvillette to believe him? Acting lustfully was so difficult…
“Why? What do you want from me, Neuvillette? Am I not doing enough for you? Do you want me to, what–get down on my knees and beg for a taste of you? I'll do it if you want.”
“Ah, I see now. You're putting aside your own comfort for the sake of supposedly pleasing me.”
“Yeah, well…I mean, listen, I used to eat whatever Wolsey prepared every single day back when I was serving my sentence no matter how much my taste buds protested against it. This is far better than that.”
Neuvillette shuddered upon hearing the analogy.
“No, no, no. You're completely wrong. Having sex under pressure is probably the equivalent of willingly taking poison.”
“Where are you getting that idea from? Clearly no one is forcing me. You definitely aren't.”
“I don't know but…the way you're speaking to me right now, it reminds me of witnesses testifying under duress. It pains me to hear you suppressing your own feelings.”
Neuvillette sighed deeply with a heavy heart. It seemed as though Wriothesley's attempts to reassure him only made things worse. Apparently, it wasn't what he wanted to hear. Yet he was still convinced that backing out would be a great disservice to Neuvillette.
“Those feelings you speak of–they’re not making any sense right now. Who knows, my fear might be washed away once we go through with it. Maybe I'll even feel good. I'll be doing it with you after all.”
After all, Wriothesley was sufficiently acquainted with romantic plotlines. Oftentimes, the coldhearted character protagonist is so closed off that they are unwilling to be touched until they get intimate with their lover. Perhaps he was just like that.
“Really? Don't you think there's a higher chance that you'll feel tense all throughout, waiting for everything to be over as soon as possible?”
Realistically speaking, Neuvillette's prediction seemed much more likely, but Wriothesley hated to admit it.
“I don't think it'll turn out like that. But even if it does, it'll all be worth it for you.”
It was at this point that Neuvillette's expression twisted into a look of horror.
“For me? That's the reason why you're punishing yourself? I already told you–”
“No, don't call it a punishment–”
“I believe you're making decisions based on false assumptions about me. If you're concerned about pleasing me, I never even asked for this.”
“You asked me if I needed help with my boner.”
“I only offered out of politeness. I really was expecting you to reject the offer. I did not realize you would make an even more ambitious counteroffer…”
Ah, so his image of Neuvillette as a secret incubus wanting to feed off him was quite far off from reality. How did he even come up with that?
“So we're the same then? You were willing to do anything for my sake.”
“Yes, but I was far less anxious than you were. I simply have no opinion regarding sexual encounters.”
“You don't think I can overcome my anxiety?”
“Overcoming one's fears is only necessary if you're willing to do whatever it is you're anxious about in the first place. Your willingness must be genuine and not a result of self-deception.”
“Self-deception…now, I'm curious, Neuvillette. Do you understand the implications of what you're saying? You don't feel offended by the notion that I’m so against having sex with you that I have to deceive myself before I can even attempt it?”
“Not at all. Perhaps this is a facet of human culture that I am still unable to comprehend but I simply do not understand why I should be offended.”
“Well, frankly, you're the type of person who hardly takes personal offense to anything at all. But aren't you even the slightest bit disappointed that you won't be able to experience everything a romantic relationship has to offer? Don't you feel deprived of something?”
“Hmmm, to be honest, the fact that romantic partners regularly make love often slips my mind. Even as I was biting your neck, I didn't realize that it could have communicated sexual intent…”
“So you wouldn't mind if we just stopped here?”
Wriothesley didn't know that this was an option up until now, but saying it out loud made it sound so simple.
“Of course I wouldn't mind. I would do anything to ensure that you don't end up like…”
“Like…?”
“Like some of the people I had encountered during trials I presided over–people who believed that they neither had the right nor the option to refuse…”
Now, Wriothesley fully understood why Neuvillette was so distraught when it came to the idea of him forcing himself. In over 400 years, he'd seen it all, from innocent young Fontainians joining gangs out of social pressure to workers accepting unfair wages to victims of sexual assault who froze on the spot…
The warden wasn't in a predicament as horrible as those but he understood what the iudex was getting at. He didn't want to see a single trace of hesitation, not when it could affect his lover's bodily autonomy.
“Alright. I won't push things any further for now.”
“Not just for now. Even in the future, please continue caring for yourself. I hate seeing you in pain.”
Wriothesley knew that Neuvillette only “shed tears” by inducing rainfall yet he couldn't help but sense that his partner's crystalline eyes looked slightly watery, filled with distress. He really underestimated just how well the iudex could resonate with other people's emotions. In what world would such a sensitive person not worry about his own self-destructive lover?
Knowing exactly how to comfort his sweetheart, Wriothesley placed a light kiss on each of Neuvillette's eyes and played with his snowy hair lightly.
“Don't worry, my love. I'm fine. You prevented me from going through something uncomfortable.”
“No, no. I should be the one comforting you.”
“There's no need to. Everything's done. It's all good.”
“Well…even if you don't want me to comfort you, I would like to tell you something about myself.”
Neuvillette’s voice sounded soft and vulnerable, as if he were about to share a secret. It reminded Wriothesley of the time they confessed to each other.
He continued, “I remembered when I first realized my feelings for you…I was content with just staring at you once or twice a month. If I were lucky one day, my fingertips would brush against yours as you handed me documents from the fortress. Now that you've granted me the opportunity to kiss you, I consider it a luxury. I take it as something you offer to me, not something I expect from you.”
“Hmmm…”
“Even if you one day decide to forbid me from touching you, I wouldn't mind. What I mean to say is…my love is the kind that allows me to be satisfied easily.”
In some sense, it did sound like another confession–not in the sense of professing his love for Wriothesley as he already knew that. Instead, he seemed to be confessing just how deeply he loved his romantic partner. Perhaps it was something like unconditional love, even if it wasn't exactly that. He doubted Neuvillette would continue to love him if he…let's say cheated on his lover or committed another crime, but there were many typical “deal breakers” that Neuvillette could not only tolerate but accept.
“I suppose it makes sense coming from you. Your heart is as pure as water after all.”
“There you are again with your sugar-coated words,” Neuvillette replied, sounding mildly “annoyed” in a lighthearted way.
“You say that as if you didn't just reaffirm your love for me so dreamily just now.”
“I was only being honest. You shouldn't be misled into believing that you're lacking in any way as a lover.”
“If you say so. You're so empathetic and affectionate. I wish my love for you was more…boundless, more generous, less hesitant.”
Neuvillette gazed at him with a deadpan expression and a slightly raised left eyebrow. Clearly he was not having any of this self-deprecation.
“Because you were opposed to having sex with me? Wriothesley, I thought we settled this just now.”
“No, not that. I mean, I feel like I could still do much more for you.”
“Like what exactly?”
There it was again. The interrogating voice.
“Uh…I can't put a finger on it right now.”
“See, even you can't recall neglecting any important duties as a lover.”
“...”
Wriothesley didn't really know how to respond to that, and Neuvillette didn't know how to follow up his statement or start a new conversation, so they sat there in awkward silence. Wriothesley was blaming himself internally for letting his insecurities take over and jeopardize his otherwise sweet and loving relationship with Neuvillette. Meanwhile, Neuvillette was staring at his moody lover intently, closely monitoring his facial expression.
“Wriothesley, may I kiss your pout away?”
“You don't need to ask, remember?”
The two lovers did previously discuss a “blanket consent” rule wherein they granted each other the permission to kiss them in private without any warning. Still, Neuvillette wanted to ensure that his sweetheart was in the mood for such a thing, especially after he almost pushed himself to engage in something that bothered him.
With the concern of consent out of the way, Neuvillette grabbed the back of Wriothesley's head and pulled him closer with a sense of urgency. Apparently, he intended for the kiss to be a bit more fiery…
In between their heated kisses, Neuvillette broke free for a moment to speak.
“I know kisses like these are typically a manifestation of sexual desire, but with you, it's different.”
Wriothesley thought that his lover was going to expound on that statement, yet he moved on to devour his lips some more. Fair enough. Kissing sometimes felt better than speaking anyway. He just wished he understood what Neuvillette meant.
“It's like…”
Oh, so Neuvillette was going to continue that train of thought. Perhaps, exploring Wriothesley’s mouth with his tongue made his brain too hazy. Alternatively, he might've needed to buy time to express himself properly.
“Drinking water—cleansing, soothing, and invigorating.”
People drink water when they're thirsty, and being “thirsty” implies being horny, but Wriothesley understood that that's not what his water-obsessed lover meant. He was a classy water connoisseur. Being compared to water by such a person was equivalent to being likened to 24 carat gold. Granted, this was not the first time Neuvillette had told him this, but it was the first time it happened in the middle of a makeout session. Wriothesley couldn't help but smirk.
“I get it now. Now that I think about it, kissing you feels like drinking tea. Better even.”
Those words made Neuvillette’s antennae vibrate with glee as they continued.
“You’re such a flirt…Though I should let you know, I love it when you say things like that…”
Technically, that meant that Neuvillette was also flirting since Wriothesley was only mirroring what he said, but he decided against bringing it up or it might embarrass his rather shy lover. He never even admitted to enjoying the subtly flirtatious remarks before today.
“How do you make me swoon so easily? Not even a love interest in a best-selling romantic novel can compare to you.”
Wow, this demure judge was praising Wriothesley so passionately that it drove him crazy. The fact that he was saying this in between kissing was only making it more overwhelming.
“Are we in a competition to see who can make the other more flustered? If that's the case, it seems like you're winning.”
“Is that so? Then I hope you're flustered enough to forget your worries.”
Of course, it wasn't that simple. Wriothesley could see himself three weeks into the future sulking about not being able to grant Neuvillette full access to his body even as they're cuddling under the covers. On some days, maybe he'd force himself to imagine his lover naked just to test if he could handle it. Perhaps he'd try to read more sex columns in magazines to convince himself that the actions being described actually appealed to him. But those would all remain as thoughts and he no longer felt like he would actually compromise his physical boundaries in real life.
His insecurities about not doing enough to earn Neuvillette's love will undoubtedly rise again. After all, having the highest ranked government official of your country (and possibly the most important hydro dragon in the entire Teyvat) fall deeply in love with you isn't something easily comprehensible. And yet he could admit that there were times he wanted to believe it wholeheartedly. It felt too good to be true but there were times when he was fine with accepting it as real, especially when his lover sounded very convincing. At this moment, Wriothesley was greatly inclined to just…not question things anymore, at least for now. Self-doubt can get tiring (and frankly boring and repetitive) after a while. If the urge to ask himself what his romantic partner saw in him arises again, that'll be a problem for his future self to handle. His current self wanted to catch a break after nearly violating his own boundaries just a few minutes ago. He needed all the love and care he could get.
“You might actually be onto something, sweetheart. If you want to make me feel better, perhaps a little cuddling under the sheets is in order.”
Neuvillette smiled softly at this, finally satisfied with his lover's response.