Chapter Text
The night was peaceful, somehow. Out here, a half mile from the school, was where Jean felt true serenity, if she ever had the capacity to feel such an emotion.
She couldn’t get over the irony of the loneliness she felt in a house that was supposed to be full of people just like her, and yet was full of people just outside her reach.
They were on two different levels, she just didn’t know exactly the scale that they differed on. She spent far too much time thinking it over. There was the obvious; she was too powerful, and it scared the others. If she was being honest, she scared herself. That was mostly the reason why the clearing, that was far away from other people she could hurt, was her favourite spot on the property.
The Professor had brought her here years ago, the first time her thoughts became overwhelming. Back then, she was only 9, but it seemed as though she hadn’t progressed in her self-control since then. Her mental blocks were a bit better, but she frequently exhausted herself trying to keep them up all the time. It was easier being able to let them go at night.
Now, she was sixteen, and she still had a semi-regular habit of leaving class halfway through with her hands over her eyes in pain. She would either run to her room and try some self-destructive method of coping to gain control of her mind, or she would run out to her clearing, which was a safe space because the Professor made sure no one else knew about it.
Her nightmares were frequent as such that she rarely got much sleep, really ever since she could remember. She always took that time to enrich herself in some way, reading a book or studying in place of resting. She loved to read, and she loved her textbooks even more.
The clearing had a lovely string of solar-powered lights, making everything glow a soft orange. It calmed her. The lanterns weren’t scared of her. Obviously they couldn’t be, but it was such a rare feeling that Jean had to acknowledge it while it lasted.
Over the years she had made the area her own, and equipped it with a hammock (filled with the fluffiest of pillows, of course), a small bookshelf that was protected under a carved-out rock, and various origami animals made from paper that she strung from the trees.
She had to take everything down for the winter every year, but god damn it she still snuck out there against the Professor's wishes all bundled up, in fear of disturbing her classmates with her overwhelming waves of emotions, and consequently, the loss of control of her powers.
Sometimes she would get stuck in their dreams, and she hated that more than anything. It felt far too intrusive, and if they were nightmares, they would trigger her to the point where her telekinesis would alert everyone around her as to what was happening.
And even if she wasn't stuck in their dreams, she could always feel them. All their fears, their desires. It made Jean feel like she had hundred-pound weights on her shoulders.
Simply put, she was a danger, both to herself and others.
It was around 2am, and she wondered whether the Professor was awake right now, attempting to listen to her thoughts.
Judging by the lack of response, she guessed the answer was a no. Her current read was the thrilling 5th edition of a biology textbook, and Jean would be lying if she said it didn’t interest her. She loved biology. Everything about it.
The systems were just so satisfying and stable, so contrasted to her as a person.
So, although she loved biology with a passion, and although she usually tried to distract herself when she could not sleep, tonight she was simply being eaten alive with guilt and shame.
The sensation was all too familiar for her, but she hated herself and her powers. She hated that she had to come all the way out here in order to keep the others safe from her lack of control.
The Professor had obviously insisted that she would be fine sleeping in the house, and that even if she disturbed the others it wouldn’t be her fault, but she couldn’t bear being more socially ousted than she already was.
Not when her nightmares would shake the walls of the house. Not when clothes would go flying out of her wardrobe, and when all her books that were so neatly stacked on her bookshelf would be scattered across the floor by the morning.
Not when her classmates would give her wary stares the morning after, avoiding interacting with her at all costs, unless it was to tease her about her lack of control.
Tears had been silently running down her face through the duration of her rumination, but she began to cry harder once she kept running it over in her head that she was a freak to everyone around her. That she could barely socialize because after a certain amount of time her self control went out the window and everyone’s thoughts started leaking into her head.
She just wanted to feel normal. She wanted someone to understand.
She snapped up from her breakdown and opened her eyes when she felt a presence near her.
At first she was scared. Who would be out here coming to find her at 2am? Surely the Professor would just speak to her telepathically and tell her to get her ass back home, instead of coming all the way out to scold her.
Then she realized who it was. He stepped into her frame one heartbeat later.
The guy who bumped into her in the hallway. The guy who split the tree in half with lasers that came from his eyes.
“Sorry, Jean, I didn’t mean to startle you, I just saw you walk up here earlier and never saw you come back. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Scott.
She didn’t even have to read his mind to know that his thoughts were only pure. That he thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world.
He noticed the half-empty bottle of vodka in her hand; she had been steadily working on it for a few hours. Maybe it was full when she started it, maybe it wasn't.
She didn’t say anything. The only acknowledgement that she gave him was a flutter of her eyelids as she gave a blank stare.
Then it occurred to her that Scott’s power also made it so that he could not see. So how the hell did he get up here?
A better look at him would confirm that he now donned a handsome pair of red sunglasses.
Maybe now he wouldn’t knock into her in the hallway.
She took another sip of vodka.
Scott took the sign that she wasn’t telling him to get away as a sign that she wanted him to stay, and came to sit on a rock near her hammock.
At first, he didn’t say anything either. He looked at her quizzically.
“You look pretty cozy in there. I mean, from what I can see. You know I can see now! It’s pretty cool. Now I won’t bump into you in the hallway.”
Exactly what she was thinking.
She gave him as big a smile as she could muster, which in the end, was only a pitiful one.
“I like them,” She murmured, meeting his eyes for the very first time. They were a beautiful brownish-red. She could get lost in them. This surprised her. She had never felt like this before.
After too long, she shook herself, looking around somewhat embarrassingly.
“I just needed time to think.”
She was going to leave it there, but something about Scott made her want to open up more. Maybe the alcohol also had something to do with it, but she was drawn to his energy like a moth to a flame.
“And, when I have nightmares, my powers go haywire. I don’t want to disturb the others. They already think I’m enough of a freak.”
She said it plainly, but it came out sadder than she intended. Still not as sad as it made her feel.
“It’s fine, though,” she giggled half-heartedly, wanting to go for another sip but instead opting for fiddling with one of her rings.
She could read his mind right now, but it was more interesting to find out what he was going to say as he said it. Tonight, she didn’t care.
“Where did you get the alcohol?” He questioned, eliciting a smirk from the redhead.
“What?” He laughed, “If I’m gonna be here for a while, I’m gonna want to get drunk at least a few times. Maybe only if you guys duct tape my eyes shut, though,” Scott said, only making Jean laugh more.
“What if I told you, I made this with my bare hands.”
Scott shot her a look.
“It’s true. I went and found the potatoes myself and ground them up or whatever you do to them to make alcohol. And then here we have my mystical finished product. Jean’s magic vodka.”
She could match his jokes.
They locked eyes once more.
“You can come sit over here, it’s warmer. There’s a chill in the air tonight.” She said, setting the bottle on the ground and reaching out for his hand.
It was an odd, foreign feeling. She felt as though he was an old friend. Maybe she just didn’t know how to describe the feeling of true safety. And he gave it to her.
He obliged, meeting her hand and clasping his fingers in hers. Electricity shot through Jean’s body.
He settled in next to her, and they repositioned the blanket so that both of them were bundled up nicely, Jean’s head slightly leaning against him.
It shocked Jean that someone was allowing her to get this close. Besides Raven and the Professor, no one trusted her like that.
She wondered what it was about him that made him feel so safe.
“What are you doing up so late, anyway,” Jean asked, twirling a strand of her hair. She wanted to keep them from talking about her. After all, he had interrupted her mental breakdown session.
“I told you, waiting up for you,” he said, and the sentiment almost made the half-dried tears on Jean’s cheeks reignite themselves.
She couldn’t help herself.
“Why?”
He gave her a quick look of surprise, followed by one of understanding and a small amount of pity.
“What do you mean, why,” he replied.
“Just, usually people see me going up here and want to stay away,” Jean trailed off, realizing the sadness of her statement. She swallowed, tucking her hair behind her ear and picking up the bottle once more.
Scott stopped himself from taking the bottle away from her. He may have only known her for a few days, but he understood that pain completely. He understood numbing it. However, he wondered just why everyone was so afraid of the wonder of a woman in front of him.
It was his first time seeing her face up close, and he did think that it was the most perfect thing he’d ever seen. It made him want to make out with the man who made his glasses.
She took another swig of her drink.
“Cause I’m not scared of you, Jean.”
She drew in a breath, before shifting her head so that she could get a good look at his face.
“And I don’t know what all those other people are saying, or what you’re thinking, cause from where I’m sitting the only thing dangerous about you is your pretty face.”
He had her blushing and giggling once more. Jean could not believe he had said that. Any of those things.
“Do you mean that?” She said, “You don’t even really know why they’re afraid.”
“Well, why are they?” He wasted no time. She liked that.
He really wasn’t afraid. But that could change.
She shivered, and he instinctively put his arm around her. She could tell he was hesitant because he didn’t know if she wanted it, but she let her full body weight lean against him in assurance.
His arm was big enough to fully wrap around her, and she felt even safer in his embrace.
She drew in a breath, but hesitated.
“I’m not gonna shy away once you tell me. Just wanna know what we’re up against.”
We.
“What, do your laser eyes come with telepathy too?” Jean said, building up the courage to just say it.
For a second, she just wasn’t going to. She was just going to let the moment pass and try to change the topic. But she felt drawn to him like no other, if she had thought it enough.
“I,” she took a deep breath, “I lose control. I’ll just start hearing everyone’s thoughts in my head at once, and everything starts buzzing. My powers will have a mind of their own and toss everything around that’s near me.”
She took another breath.
“That’s mainly what scares people, I guess,” she said, significantly quieter, almost whispering.
Pausing for a moment, she let her head drop onto Scott’s shoulder.
“When I have nightmares they can shake the whole house. So when I do sleep it’s out here. Because then I can’t detect anyone else’s nightmares either.” She was mumbling, and Scott noticed that she was softly crying now.
He reached out his other hand and started to pet her hair when she tucked her head into his chest and began to cry harder.
He rubbed her back gently, while quickly removing his hand from her head for a second to place the glass bottle safely on the ground, and then moving it back.
They sat there for a few minutes, Scott holding her in his arms while she cried.
In between her tears, she whispered, “I drink the vodka to make my brain shut the fuck up.”
A few more minutes passed and Jean's cries became less heavy.
“You know I absolutely obliterated my school’s bathroom with my laser beams before I came here. Probably tens of thousands of dollars worth of damages, I think. They called the cops. Thought a bomb had gone off, and that I had set it off. Everyone was ordered out of the school. They never figured out the real reason, and they didn’t make me go to the police station, but everyone was staring at me as though I was the bomb that was about to go off. So I kind of get it. I also can’t really control it, and it kind of scares me, hence why I have these cool shades on all the time now."
Jean looked up at him.
“You don’t have to be alone.”
The sudden overwhelm of emotions caused her to short-circuit.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “I don’t want to burden you,” pulling away from his arms so that she was sitting up again.
Maybe she was so drunk that she was somehow manipulating Scott into saying these things to her.
With one hand, he held up her chin.
“You could never be a burden, Jean Grey. Do you think I’m a burden?”
“What? No, of course not, no,” she stuttered, missing the point of his statement.
“So then you aren’t either.” He was firm, but it still didn’t seem to resonate fully with her.
“I guess,” she said, staring at the ground and contemplating everything.
“You don’t believe me,” he questioned, “Read my mind.”
This startled Jean into looking back at him. She didn’t think anyone had actually asked her to read their mind before.
At her confused look, he added, “It’s not like you haven’t before, not that I hold that against you. I did startle you.”
She gave him another questioning look, as if to ask for actual permission to read his mind even though he had just given her verbal permission.
From the first time she read his mind, she could remember the pure nature of it; there weren’t walls and walls of lies and bad intentions. Not that she had looked too deep, but she could always tell the vibe of a person by a small dip into their mind. Enough to find out their name, just like she had done with Scott.
“Go on,”
Slowly, both because she was trying to be cautious, and because she was intoxicated, she peered into his mind.
She found absolutely no trace of a lie in his thoughts. Her eyes fluttered, almost in disbelief.
How could someone think all of these things about her? These, kind, protective things about her. He truly thought she was the most beautiful girl in the world.
She smiled. This revealed that he absolutely adored her smile. She blushed and he liked that too.
Truly, she did not know how to respond to this person who was clearly an angel walking the earth.
So, instead of saying anything, she let a small outpour of her current emotions into Scott’s head.
Her gratitude, her understanding, her appreciation, her love.
She hoped he would understand what she was trying to convey.
And in that moment, they truly connected. They realized that they had each other.
She slid back into his arms in the same moment he readjusted his in order to accommodate her body.
The panic that had set in only a few minutes earlier had dissipated, and her eyes were slightly wet, but more from happiness than sadness.
It was like he set a cozy blanket over her busy mind. She settled her head in the crook of his neck, wrapping her arms around him in somewhat of a bear hug. He resumed running his hand through her hair.
He resettled the blanket so that it was covering the both of them once again, and then used his other hand to wrap her into him once again.
As it turned out, Jean was actually quite tired from the day she had had. Training with Raven and the Professor, her regular school duties, combined with dealing with her powers and not regularly getting enough sleep resulted in her falling asleep within a few minutes of being snuggled up with Scott.
And he did not mind in the slightest. If she felt safe enough to go to sleep at that moment, then Scott was simply happy that she was able to do so. It didn’t seem like she got that much sleep altogether anyway.
In the glow of the lanterns, he could see dozens of origami animals strung from the trees. They were so high up that clearly she had used her powers to get them up there. They were beautiful, intricate creatures and he had never seen anything like it.
He felt his adoration for her increase.
Scanning the small bookshelf that was tucked away in a rock, he found some advanced biology and astrology textbooks, as well as a small collection of books he had only heard about in school; The Bell Jar, 1984, and Animal Farm, among others.
There was so much more to her than met the eye.
And he would have to find out everything.
Speaking of which, those eyes. He could get lost in them.
He continued to stroke her hair until he eventually fell asleep too.
When both of them missed breakfast and their morning classes, the Professor let it slide. After all, Scott was settling in, and Jean was clearly off studying somewhere.
And, he knew where they were; how else would Scott have even known about Jean’s hideaway?
He had let it happen. And it clearly went better than he had anticipated.
They both desperately needed a safe haven, and they found it in each other.