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Cordelia couldn’t sleep.
She tried counting Lucie’s breaths next to her, which came rhythmically, but she couldn’t quite get her eyelids to feel heavy. Her parabatai never seemed to have issues sleeping, and often prattled on until her own eyes finally closed involuntarily on nights they stayed up whispering in the darkness about any and everything they could think of.
Lucie had been particularly excited to sleep over this night, given that she and Jesse had just gotten engaged a few days ago. When she had first told Cordelia, tears filled her bright blue eyes, her smile engulfing her entire face. Of course, this had made Cordelia cry, too, since there were very few things that could make her so happy as her own parabatai’s joy.
Tonight, Lucie had asked to sleep in the spare bedroom at 48 Curzon, which Cordelia had heartily agreed to. As always, Lucie had shooed James away when he came back from playing cards at Matthew’s apartment. He’d merely rolled his eyes, kissed their cheeks goodnight, and headed to sleep, knowing his place.
Lucie had re-explained the proposal at least four separate times, the details getting more romantic with each repetition, until she exclaimed she simply was not giving it justice, and threw her head on her pillow, sighing, as if she were contemplating another way to tell the story, the writer cogs in her brain whirring eagerly. Cordelia had only suppressed a laugh, waiting to see what she’d add to the fifth repetition, but instead she noticed the way her friend’s features had relaxed ever so slightly in sleep. Obviously, she knew once Lucie was asleep, there were few things capable of waking her up, so she stood and helped her under the covers, before walking back to her side and settling in as well.
Unfortunately, sleep never seemed to find her as easily as it seemed to find Lucie. She debated getting up and trying to sleep in her own bed with James, but she hated the thought of abandoning Lucie, no matter how far off she seemed to be in sleep.
Before she could consider this idea more, she heard three distinct knocks.
Rap. Rap. Rap.
Sitting up, she closed her eyes, concentrating on the sound that came again, all the way from the front door. She stood, shoving her arms through the sleeves of her robe, and slipped into the hallway where she ran into James.
He gripped her forearms, his eyes foggy with sleep and whispered, “You heard it, too?” As if on cue, the knocking picked up again, more urgently this time. They rushed down the stairs, opening the door to reveal a disheveled looking Jesse at their doorstep.
Cordelia opened the door wider, a silent invitation inside. He was breathing heavily, his hair untidy and sticking to his forehead with sweat. When he made eye contact with her, his eyes were bloodshot. James reached an arm out to Jesse's bicep, as if to steady him, and asked, “Jesse, is everything alright?”
His eyes darted around frantically again, before responding, “Yes, I think so. I just,” he took a deep breath “I need to see Lucie.”
“She’s upstairs sleeping.” Cordelia said. “Did she not tell you she’d be spending the night here?”
He shook his head wildly.
“No, she did. I’m sorry.” His voice cracked and he looked down for long enough for Cordelia and James to exchange a concerned glance. “I had a nightmare and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I had forgotten she wasn’t at the Institute so I ran here– I think I just… I need to see her. It would make me feel better.” He met their eyes again. Wild. Confused. Terrified.
James nodded curtly, putting his hand on his shoulder. “I see. Come on.” He turned and made his way up the stairs, Jesse at his tail and Cordelia behind them.
At the top of the stairs, they turned left to the spare bedroom where Lucie slept soundly still, completely unaware of the visitor they had welcomed. Cordelia and James watched as Jesse walked over and knelt next to the bed, brushing a piece of hair out of her face. Corrdelia could practically hear his breathing even out from across the room.
A few moments passed before Jesse stood back up, walked to them and whispered, “Thank you. I don’t know what came over me,” he glanced back to look at Lucie again before continuing, “I’m just very glad to see her well.”
James nodded, “You’re always welcome here, Jesse, you know that.” At this, his lips pressed together in a straight line.
“I know.” Jesse sighed before adding, “I’ll be on my way now,” and taking a step towards the stairs.
Before he could succeed, Cordelia stepped in front of him, blocking his exit. “You are not walking back home alone!” she whispered incredulously, looking at James with widened eyes. “It’s completely unsafe, especially at this hour! I don’t think Lucie would forgive me if she knew I’d let you leave.”
Jesse looked at James who nodded curtly with a furrowed brow. “Daisy’s right, Jesse. You might as well spend the night.” He sighed, looking like he was making mental calculations before adding, “But this is our only spare room.”
Cordelia interjected swiftly, “And Luce is still asleep and likely will be until morning so it’s no problem.” She looked at James, and It seemed he heard her loud and clear. However improper the situation may have seemed, it was obvious Jesse needed some more time with Lucie. And Cordelia was certain he would never take advantage of the trust they were granting him. James only nodded.
Realizing what they were saying, Jesse seemed to want to protest, until James whispered, with a spark of protectiveness, “Our parents won’t hear of this… as long as there's no reason to mention it.” Cordelia almost felt bad for Jesse, who merely nodded frantically, and rather awkwardly reassured them nothing improper would take place.
Cordelia didn’t doubt this. For months, Lucie had complained (with great affection) that Jesse was the perfect gentleman, although she suspected the biggest reason was her father. Will Herondale, it seemed, could be rather intimidating when he wanted to be, especially when his daughter’s beloved was living under their very same roof. Lucie had confided that her parents were painfully strict with them. Jesse, though, seemed eager to gain his future father-in-laws full trust, making sure he followed every rule, no matter how much Lucie may have resisted and resented it. Cordelia doubted he’d do anything to endanger his reputation, now of all times. Lucie had even told her earlier today that her parents had agreed to adjust the rules for their engagement. They were now allowed to spend time at the institute with each other unchaperoned, as long as they made sure to keep the door open.
Cordelia wondered if Will had told his son about this rule, as he took her hand and wished Jesse a good night. She echoed his sentiments, and they walked into the hallway, and into their own room down the hall, leaving both doors wide open.
.
Jesse’s hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
They’d started the moment he’d woken up from his nightmare, and continued trembling now as he unlaced his shoes, and slipped under the covers, facing Lucie. Her body was turned away from him, but he could imagine her face, soft with sleep. Her hair was illuminated by a streak of moonlight escaping from the curtains. It tumbled down her shoulder. He suspected she had fallen asleep before she’d remembered to braid it. She looked so vulnerable in sleep, he had the urge to reach forward and hold her, pulling her to his chest, burying his face in her neck and breathing her in, but decided against it.
Instead, he turned to his back, counting the creaks in the ceiling and trying not to think of his dream that had put him in a state so inconsolable, he’d resorted to running through the barren streets of London well past midnight. It was stupid, he was aware, but he hadn’t been thinking rationally.
Lucie’s soft breaths calmed him, and he started matching their slow, deep rhythm. She was alright. She was breathing. She was here. She was sleeping.
Before long, these thoughts ushered him to sleep, too.
.
Lucie’ eyes squinted open. She expected to see the sunrise peeking through the curtains, but instead pale moonlight invaded her vision. With a sigh, she haphazardly tossed her body to the other side, granting herself a bit more darkness for sleep.
Before she shut her eyes again, she blinked through her foggy vision at Cordelia– but no. It wasn’t Cordelia who now laid next to her, lips slightly parted in sleep.
It was Jesse.
Jesse whose tousled hair covered his eyes. Jesse who slept with his hands clasped in front of his chest as if he'd merely fallen asleep in an armchair. Jesse, whose head was angled, ever so slightly in her direction.
She leaned forward, extending a hand to brush his hair out of his face, making sure he wasn’t a dream. It must have been, but his skin felt warm under her fingertips, and when she cupped his cheek, his eyes fluttered open.
His eyes seemed so dark, looking back at her, scanning her face in a way that felt unfamiliar. So, she whispered first, “Are you really here?”
His hand darted up to hers and he interwove his fingers through it, tilting his head and brushing his lips across the top. His mouth left a spark of warmth on her skin. “Yes, Luce, I’m really here.” He must’ve seen the confusion as it etched furrows into her brows because he continued. “I had a nightmare and rushed here to see you. Once, I saw you were okay, I was planning on walking back home, but Cordelia didn’t let me. Her and James let me spend the night.”
Lucie’s eyes darted up to the door, which was wide open. Figures. She scooted towards Jesse, their foreheads close to touching. “Are you okay?”
Jesse closed his eyes for a moment taking a long breath in. “I think I am now. Your brother probably thinks I’m mad now, though.”
“Because you walked all the way here to see me? That's hardly something to think less of a person for!”
“I didn't walk, Lucie. I ran .” A cold swept over her, all the way down to her toes.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” She ventured.
He moved his head forward, so their foreheads were finally touching. “Having you here is more than I could have asked for. I don’t want to think about what happened in my dreams,” He squeezed her hand, “This is real.”
She nodded, then leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. It was warm and full of unspoken words and promises. But quicker than it started, he pulled away, sprinkling spare kisses on her cheek and forehead. Lucie tried to stifle her disappointment, knowing that they couldn’t afford to break anyones trust, engaged or not.
“I can’t wait to be your wife,” she whispered, full of awe. The word still felt foreign in relation to her. Someone's sister, friend, daughter, even parabatai , yes. Those titles all felt normal to her. But wife ?
“I can’t wait to be your husband,” He murmured, not being able to fight the smile that crept upon his lips. And because she couldn’t help herself, she pressed a quick, chaste kiss on his lips.
“Pretty soon, this will be our reality every night. No curfews, no chaperones, no rules.” She could’ve swore she saw his eyes glaze over in the darkness. “But in the meantime… Can you hold me?”
He furrowed his brow. “Come here.” He reached for her, and tucked her into himself. She rested her head on his chest. He felt so firm, so solid, it was hard to believe he hadn’t been. Lucie concentrated on his heartbeat, her favorite sound and proudest accomplishment. He peppered kisses in her hair, and she thought she had never felt so safe, so loved, so peaceful in her life.
Sleep found her once more.
.
Cordelia disentangled herself from James’s arms, her bladder too full to be mindful of not waking him. Besides, if she was too gentle, he’d only hold her more tightly to himself in his sleep. It was dawn, so the first light had begun creeping through their windows.
Once she’d finished using the bathing room, she tiptoed down the hallway to the spare room. The door was wide open, as they'd left it, but something else was not. Lucie and Jesse were both passed out, their bodies tangled together, as if unwilling to spend any of this night they had been granted together any further apart. They were angled towards each other, as if posed. It seemed like an artist had stepped into the room for a few minutes and arranged them in such a way where their love for each other was fully on display. There was no denying it. It was written into them from the piece of hair wrapped around Jesse's pinky to the blissful expression Lucie had managed to retain in her sleep.
Cordelia almost felt like she was intruding, but knew more importantly, that Jesse had to start heading home. The last thing any of them needed was for Will and Tessa to discover he'd snuck off to the very same place their daughter was spending the night. That mere idea had a myriad of consequences that Cordelia didn’t even want to consider.
Before she could step in and wake Jesse up, James’s presence next to her made her jump. He smiled mischievously at her and poked her side, a gleam in his eye saying, You’re going to have to do a little better than that, Daisy. She only rolled her eyes and gestured to where Jesse and Lucie lay sleeping. James’s face softened for a moment, before straightening again as if he knew what Cordelia was thinking.
He strode into the room, and placed his hand on Jesse’s shoulder, shaking gently. Instantly, Jesse’s green eyes looked back at him in alarm, until he seemed to orient himself again. Cordelia had made herself to the other side of the bed, where Lucie still remained asleep, and sat.
“Jesse, I’m sorry, we don’t want to kick you out but you probably should return home before our parents notice you’ve left.” James said quietly.
“Of course, thank you for waking me,” he said, gently readjusting Lucie to the pillow next to him as he sat up. He began to put on his shoes and tie them, when Cordelia jumped at Lucie’s voice.
“Jesse?” Cordelia stared at James with wide eyes. He looked equally as surprised. Lucie was a notoriously deep sleeper. James had told her stories about the pranks he and the thieves would play on her when they were younger. The four of them had, apparently, once found a way to pick her up and place her into their bathtub without so much as a stir. (Matthew had allegedly wanted to turn on the faucet, which was vetoed by James for fear of getting in trouble with his parents, naturally). So, Jesse standing up and their quiet conversation should not have woken her. Yet, there she was, now sitting up, rubbing her eyes and looking around at the room in confusion.
Jesse whipped around and explained to her why he was leaving, and that he’d be back after breakfast, to walk her back home if she’d like. Lucie looked disappointed, but she nodded. Jesse kissed her cheek and stood, looking at James who bobbed his head and walked him to the front door.
That left Cordelia with Lucie, whose eyes were fixed on the door, as if Jesse would come back any second. Cordelia placed a hand on Lucie's back, and she dropped herself back, hands over her face, as if that would fool Cordelia. Her breaths were being drawn very consciously, as if she were trying to soothe herself.
Cordelia just rubbed her shoulder, combing through the hair that was in disarray, and hoped her presence was enough to calm her a bit. She half noticed James pass by the doorway, obviously noting he would be more useful elsewhere, since he did not make his presence known before heading off.
Finally, Lucie began speaking, words muffled by her and raspy with sleepiness. “This is silly. I know it is.”
“Nonsense, Lucie, I could never find your feeling silly.” Lucie wrenched her eyes away, making sure to brush away the quiet tears that had escaped. “It must be hard seeing him leave. I’m sorry.”
“I just… wish we were married already.” She choked out a laugh. “That sounds so ridiculous since we only got engaged a few days ago but moments like this,” she gestured to the door, “make it so much harder. I know I’ll see him again in a few hours…” she trailed off.
“Luce,” She squeezed her shoulder, “I understand. You love him. You don’t like leaving his side and following rules of propriety and having to live under the same roof as your parents.” Lucie’s eyes were filled with tears, as if she was so grateful to be understood. “It probably doesn't help that James and I have been married for more than a year. But I’ll remind you there, that the circumstances were far different.”
Lucie shook her head, “I could never resent you and Jamie–”
“I know you couldn’t”
“You two being happy together brings me more joy than anything, Daisy, I mean it.” It was Cordelia’s turn to blink back tears. “It's just hard not to compare sometimes– And I am happy Daisy. I'm more happy than I’ve ever been.” Cordelia tucked a lock of hair behind her parabatai’s ear. “I’m just impatient, as you know. But lately everything in my life has felt like waiting. Waiting for my book to get published, waiting to get proposed, now waiting to get married. It's a bit difficult when I think about how you didn’t have to wait to marry Jamie at all, but I know that's not fair, either.” She sighed. “I’m talking too much again, aren’t I?”
“No, Lucie.” Cordelia looked down at Lucie. “Patience is difficult, I know. I might not have had to wait to marry James but I had to wait for his love.” Lucie’s eyes softened. “I loved him for years never thinking he’d love me in return and that was a slow death I wouldn’t have wished on many. Sometimes I think about what might have happened if we’d met under different circumstances… but there's no point. Things happened as they did and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Just as you wouldn’t want to change any part of your story with Jesse. There's nothing to be gained in wondering about what will never be so. You raised Jesse from the dead, which is inarguably the most incredible part of your story. In a few years you’ll think of that and not these few months of waiting.”
“What made you so wise, Daisy?” Lucie smiled at her. “Here I am being melodramatic and of course you have to hit me with such sobering truths.” She sat up to hug her, and they melted into each other. Cordelia had never been so happy to learn what having a sister was like with Lucie.
“You did, Lucie.” She smiled into her shoulder before finally pulling away to stand and announcing “Go back to sleep, and I’ll wake you up for breakfast.”
Lucie grinned at her sleepily and said “Have I mentioned I love you?”