Chapter Text
Tailors weren't supposed to be capable of making people disappear. Even the most skilled were limited to changing only certain features; the face but not height, coloring but not shape. And even with a Tailor on a drug like parem, altering shape was understandable, but zapping someone completely out of existence? Could it be done?
The fear was that the answer was yes, because Kaz was gone.
The grisha responsible, at least, was too. Captured by some concerningly powerful stadwatch and a Heartrender, forced to wear some sort of material that apparently hindered their powers, but it didn't assuage all of the nerves that manifested thanks to the fact that Kaz was missing.
“When did you see him last?”
“Jesper, I've already told you–”
“Just say it again!”
Say it again, and again, and again, because maybe by the seventh telling they might notice something in the details Inej had already gone over in her mind dozens of times. There was nothing, not a single answer to extract. Kaz had fallen to his knees and then there was a cloud of dust and–
“Saints, you don't think the dust was Kaz, do you?” Jesper interrupted, looking about ready to puke.
It wasn't a pleasant thought, certainly, the idea that Kaz had ‘exploded’ into millions of tiny pieces, small clumps of atoms being carried away on the breeze, getting caught in their clothes, being breathed into their bodies. It would be irreversible.
“I–” she faltered. She didn't know what to believe. “It wasn't Kaz.”
Jesper didn't seem convinced. She sat with herself, disturbed by the strange feeling of numbness filling her body. She loved Kaz, cared about him wholly, and yet, she didn't know what she felt, her brain still trying to catch up with everything that had happened.
“Can a grisha on parem go back in time?” Jesper was pacing, voice getting increasingly panicked, “Another Tailor… they can put everything back together, find everyone that was there because the pieces might be in their bodies and we keep going until we have enough. Saints, we need to go sweep. It's all over the floor. The most important part is the brain, right? We can find him a body, make it more Kaz, his tattoos–”
“Jesper,” she interrupted. She needed him to stop. His hope was only making her feel things and they were terrible things because she was beginning to realize if Kaz was the dust, he was never coming back. “That's not possible.”
She hated the hurt in his eyes, and hated herself for putting it there, but how could they reverse what happened? The world was filled with dust, with death and decay, and no Tailor, no Fabrikator or even Nina could possibly sort through it all.
She saw the retort forming on Jesper's lips, the denial she felt herself, when a scratching sound suddenly emanated from down the hall. Her head snapped toward it, only to find a dog, black and brown and fluffy and probably just barely over a year old, with floppy ears and a frightened tail, dragging Kaz's cane.
Jesper was the first to react, “Hey, that's not a stick!” He bounced on his toes, leaning forward and then stumbling back as if he didn't know how to proceed. A few more stumbling hesitations, and Jesper moved forward.
The dog dropped the cane and promptly sat, tail between its legs and head lowered. It was cute, a little disheveled and frightened, but cute. Inej could feel the numbness from the clamor fading further, and suddenly she made a final decision – she never wanted to feel again.
“Jesper, don't get too close.”
Jesper paused, hands slightly raised, “It's Kaz's cane.”
“It's a random dog. How did it even get in here? It could be a trap.”
Jesper squinted as if trying to determine just how innocent the dog was. He took a single hesitant step forward, then another. The dog lowered its head, nose twitching as it sniffed the air between them, hind legs rising with its tail tucked between them.
“Hey… where'd you come from, hm?”
Jesper reached forward, merely inches away from the dog's snout, when it suddenly jumped back and growled.
“I told you,” Inej blurted, “Jesper, leave it alone.” But Jesper was frozen, arm still outstretched and his eyes wide and watery as if he'd just discovered something awful. “Jesper.”
“Inej–”
Saints, what had gotten into him? She needed to find a way to help Kaz, if they could. They needed to figure out what happened, they didn't have time for a dog. She stepped closer, timidly coming up behind him.
“What is it?”
“Inej–” he repeated, choking for the second time, “Inej, it has Kaz's eyes.”
She felt her heart flip in her chest. It couldn't be. It was wishful thinking, it was grasping onto whatever hope he could to avoid the blaring truth of what had happened.
“He wasn't the dust,” Jesper continued, gaze focussed on the pup, “He's the dog.”
“He's not the–” But her words stumbled back down her throat as she crouched down. Definitely Kaz's eyes, with the same freckles and valleys, the same shades of colour. The grisha hadn't changed his eyes. “Kaz?”
The pup took a few trembling steps back, its butt smashing against the wall. It looked petrified, confused. They needed a mirror. Inej bolted toward the washroom, returning with a small handheld and holding it in front of its face. It was probably not what the likely-Kaz would have wanted to discover, but she knew he would have wanted to know. The pup's eyes widened at his own reflection, tail twitching in clear discomfort. A small bark yipped from his mouth, then another, louder and more confident.
“Kaz?” Inej asked.
Kaz lied down, covering his eyes with his paws.
“Kaz, I just need you to confirm it's you. Can you do that? Just nod for me. Are you Kaz?”
The dog didn't move for a moment, then let out a small huff before raising his head and jerking it down in what appeared to be a yes.
“Saints!” Jesper shouted. He seemed both horrified and relieved, “We can change him back, can't we?”
“We might need another grisha on parem–”
“They didn't kill her. I saw them take her away, she's not dead. She can reverse it.”
Reverse it. The dog was so much smaller than Kaz, maybe some of that dust was him, his body had to go somewhere. She bit her lip, tried to keep her face calm and neutral. The brain was the most important, and the other major organs. Even a dog had a heart, a stomach. The main things that made him who he physically was were still there. She nodded. It might not be the same Kaz, but it would be Kaz.
“We can get her to change him back during the trial,” she said.
“Will there be a trial?”
She didn't know. A grisha on parem would be kept in a highly secure facility and without Kaz, could they do it? But they did have Kaz, just Kaz without his voice, without his human ability. They'd broken into such buildings before. But could they control a grisha on parem enough to get her to change him back?
“There's too many contingencies,” she murmured, seating herself on the floor in front of the pup– in front of Kaz. “Too many unknowns.”
Jesper didn't seem to hear her, “We're gonna change you back,” he declared to Kaz with confidence, “I remember everything. Your tattoos, your scars if you want them. We'll change you back.”
Kaz whined, getting back up onto his paws, his floppy ears just barely rising as Jesper spoke. And then Jesper did the unthinkable. He reached out again, moving toward Kaz's head.
“Jes–” Kaz couldn't go any further back from the wall, but he turned his head to the side, legs trembling with a force Inej thought he'd collapse from. “Jes, don't. If it's Kaz he won't–”
Jesper reached forward anyway, fingers just barely grazing the fur behind Kaz's ears. She expected Kaz to bite, to growl even, the way the human him would, but his reaction was different. Kaz cowered, tail tucked and ears tilted back as Jesper got closer, still shaking, and Jesper's fingers reached his fur and scratched…
And Kaz let him.
He seemed hesitant at first, flinching away slightly and lowering his head even as Jesper only reached further, but then he almost relaxed into it. He paused, letting Jesper scratch behind his ear, neither leaning away nor toward.
“There you go,” Jesper murmured, “I love dogs.” Kaz bristled at that, the fur on his back puffing out. Jesper flinched away as he could sense the upcoming nip. “Hey, didn't mean it however you're interpreting it. It's a good thing.”
Kaz growled slightly, skulking to the furthest corner he could find. Even for a dog, he seemed absolutely miserable.
Inej stood in her spot, staring from where she was, “We're going to find a way to get you back, Kaz. I promise.” She looked to Jesper, already steadily approaching the pup. “Jesper, a word.”
Jesper halted, taking a final look at Kaz before following Inej into the room. She was relieved, somewhere in the mess of emotions she was experiencing. Kaz wasn't Kaz, but he wasn't dust either. It was good, it was a relief, at least it meant he was alive.
“I can't believe Kaz is…” Jesper murmured, his voice trailing off into silence.
“Do you think a Tailor could turn him back… without parem?”
The answer had to be yes, at least as close to Kaz as possible–
“Of course, it's just…” It's just. She knew there were obstacles, she had just hoped there would be a bit more optimism than she felt inside.“The whole skeletal structure is different,” he continued, “His heart, his brain and all of that are the same but– I mean, uh, I've only seen Tailors change features, not the entire structure of the body.”
Jesper was right, but maybe if they took it slow, if they changed Kaz back piece by piece. But it would be painful, wouldn't it?
A small yip and some scratching sounded at the doorway, and there was Kaz, apparently not wanting to be alone. He trotted over, claws tapping on the floor as he neared, seeming both confident and wounded simultaneously. Inej wondered if perhaps that was how Kaz often felt, if he just hid it better as a human.
Jesper moved to sit on the bed and patted the space next to him, “Sit.”
Inej winced, “Jesper… please. It's still Kaz.”
But Kaz huffed and got closer, attempting to jump atop the bed. Perhaps it was because he wasn’t used to moving in a dog's body, but he didn't make it high enough and he toppled, slipping on his hindlegs and slamming against his back. There was soft yelp and he scrambled, getting quickly back to his paws, head crouched low as he slowly stepped backward.
“Hey! Hold on. Let me help you,” Jesper said, standing and approaching with outstretched arms, “It happens. It's new for you. Still getting used to how everything works. Come on.”
Inej sighed and sat herself on the bed. She knew how to treat Kaz, his boundaries and how to respect his preferences, but this wasn't a Kaz she quite understood how to navigate, and somehow Jesper was doing an amazing job at it.
“You're good at this,” Inej murmured, watching as he coaxed Kaz back to the bed, “One of your shining traits is your adaptability.”
Jesper smiled. He sat again on the bed, about two bodies worth of space between them, and again patted beside him. She fought the urge to just pick Kaz up, mentally hoping Jesper would be the one to try. Would Kaz, as a dog, respond differently to being held? Jesper had already managed to go further than she thought was possible.
Kaz reached up with his front paws, resting them on the edge of the bed as he tip tapped with his hindlegs as if calculating the jump.
“Did you want us to help?” Jesper asked.
Kaz growled, his tail wagging in agitation. There was a tiny jump, not enough to get anywhere, and then he suddenly clamored up, claws scratching into the fabric of the sheet until he was up. He was between them, looking sternly at his own paws before plopping down with his face buried in the bed.
“We can change you back,” Inej assured, “We will change you back.”
Jesper lied down to be level with him, “Though you're much nicer like this.”
It was a tease, clearly, but Kaz snapped up with a growl and a bark that nearly made Inej flinch. Jesper jerked back to a seated position, arms out in apology.
“Kaz– Jesper– Saints. We all need to be level headed to figure this out.” It seemed that even with one of them as a dog, Kaz and Jesper would still be goading each other into bickering back and forth. “Both of you need to behave.”
Jesper pouted and Kaz huffed, leaning back to scratch the side of his ear. She knew dogs tended to enjoy being scratched there, and wondered how Kaz would react if she tried to do it for him. She wanted to know what he was feeling. He seemed more relaxed than he had been, but still jumpy, still seeming to mope around like he was in shock, or sad. What kind of Kaz seemed to chase their company? To quite nearly be okay with touch, though whilst retaining that fear? Was it truly still Kaz or did the dog himself just… believe that was who he was?
As if reading her mind, Jesper, ever the daring one between them, reached out again. He went for the ear Kaz was scratching, swatted his struggling paw away and began to rub more firmly. Kaz jerked downward, releasing a tiny yip, before finally relaxing into Jesper’s touch. It couldn’t be. Being turned into a dog didn’t just alter Kaz’s appearance, it may have been slowly altering who he was as a person.
“Jesper…” Inej started, but how could she explain her concerns? ‘I think Kaz isn’t Kaz anymore. He’s slowly becoming less and less of himself. Would he be Kaz again when they turned him back? Would they turn him back? Had the grisha somehow altered his brain, and thus perhaps even his personality?
Jesper glanced up toward her, “He likes it,” he said, and he was happy, calm. If only she could relate. She reached forward herself, ever tempted to touch the brown puffs of fur around his neck.
It was soft, giving beneath the pressure of her touch like fluff, and it pulled her to wrap her arms around his body and bury her face in his scruff. She wouldn't.
Kaz didn't seem to know which touch he wanted to lean into more. He leaned to and away, chasing Jesper and then chasing Inej, his tongue poking out haltingly from his mouth. But it all ended suddenly. Before either of them could react, Kaz froze, his entire body stiffening for merely a second before he leapt off of the bed and slammed head first into the wall, crawling toward the corner and then cowering in it.
Perhaps Inej had her answer. It was still Kaz, just motivated in bursts by the mentality of a pup.
She jumped up from the bed. “Kaz!” Saints, he was shaking again, barely keeping on his paws and looking ready to bolt. It had been the touch, both of them at once, or maybe it was too quick or they'd brushed against the wrong spot. “Kaz, I'm sorry.”
But before she could continue, there was a sound from the hall.
Kaz's ears perked up as Jesper stood up with her, all three of them facing the doorway. Nearly startling her, Kaz began to softly growl behind them. Dog's were always touted for being good at sensing danger.
Jesper seemed to get the message. His hands wrapped around his guns, one whipping from its holster to point right at the empty doorway while Inej got a feel of her blades. The sound neared. A shuffling, like someone dragging their feet along the floor.
Kaz barked, a brave though short sound, and came up to stand just barely ahead of them. Another low growl.
“What is it, Kaz?” Jesper whispered, “Who is it?”
It took what felt like minutes, but finally the slow-moving figure appeared in the doorway. A woman, dragging her own bleeding leg behind her. She was perhaps in her thirties, and not a face that Inej imagined she had ever seen before. Was she grisha? Human?
Jesper was the only one who could find his voice. “Who– who are you?”
“You have my dog.”
A heavy silence fell on the room. Her dog?
“I think you're mistaken,” Inej tried.
“No. That is my dog. What's left of him.”
Jesper seemed about ready to pull the trigger. “Alright. Explain what the hell you're talking about. This isn't your dog.”
The woman invited herself in, which wasn't a surprise. She had already invited herself into the building itself, apparently she was simply that type of person.
“My name is Ginshee. A grisha earlier today made my dog human, and that is supposed to be my dog.”
“How is that possible?” Inej asked. But already, she was beginning to see how.
“She used my dog as an example to help her Tailor your friend, and your friend to help her Tailor my dog.” She breathed in heavily through her nose, “My dog in a human body is frightening, to say the least. Nor does he have any idea as to how to function. He doesn’t understand two fucking feet. Made a damn mess of dinner. Makes these disgusting sounds with his mouth. I'm here to get my dog back.”
Kaz kept his defensive stance, ears pinned down and flat.
“How do we know you're telling the truth?” Jesper asked.
The woman sighed, “I'll take you to your friend.”
Inej, despite how simply it all seemed to be explained, followed Ginshee out toward the lower floor of the Slat, absolutely clueless as to what to expect. Seeing Kaz covered only by a towel she was certain Ginshee must have draped him in and attached around his neck, floundering on limbs he apparently had no idea how to use, was what she should have expected. Of course that was what was happening, she had been warned, but she could not see the human slumped ahead of her as anything other than… Kaz.
“Dober, come here boy. Come here,” Ginshee cooed. Kaz – human Kaz – immediately perked up, tongue flopping out of his mouth as he stumbled and slipped on the towel's fabric toward them, its material thankfully dragging with him. “That's a good boy. Good boy Dobee.”
Ginshee scratched him around the ears and human Kaz – Dobee – twisted his face to the side, eyes closed and tongue lolling passed his lips.
“How do we change them back?” Jesper blurted. Saints, he seemed horrified, and Kaz, the pup version of him, seemed stricken with terror.
Suddenly dog-Kaz snapped, barking at Dobee like it was the devil ahead of them and Dobee… did not take kindly to it. Within seconds they were a mess of paws and hands, hair and fur. Jesper jumped in immediately, trying to separate them from scuffling. Kaz, even as a dog, was still at an advantage and they needed his human body intact for an easy reversal.
“Kaz, don't damage your shell!”
Shell? Jesper truly was adapting quickly. He managed to separate the two, holding dog-Kaz by the scruff, though he was a bit more uncertain with human-Dobee… Dober? Everything was a mess.
“We need a Tailor to fix this,” Inej said, “Now, preferably. Jesper, can you reach out to Genya?”
Jesper bit his lip, “This is a huge switch. We need parem.”
“No parem. It's too risky. Even if it takes days–”
“Inej,” he interrupted, “Inej… this isn't just a simple change.”
“We can't trust parem–”
“Why? We trusted Nina.”
“We know Nina. And we can't make anyone else that we love sacrifice their future for–”
She choked on the words, glancing down at Kaz. He was looking up at her, tail curled beneath him, eyes even more expressive than she had ever seen them in what she could only guess was fear. She knew Kaz wanted his body back, but it was about more than sacrificing someone to one of the most addictive drugs in existence, it was about simply having Kaz, in one piece, whatever shape that piece happened to make. And Kaz as a dog… at least it was still Kaz in some way. Funny, one moment she was worrying that it wasn't the real Kaz in the dog's body, and now, whether or not it was, she didn't want to risk letting it go. Pieces of Kaz were still better than none.
Kaz whined softly, his paw moving as if he wanted to bump Inej's foot, though he never made contact. They had to try something.
Ginshee cleared her throat, “Well, whatever you decide let's make this quick, Dobee will hurt himself like this. Look at him. Useless.”
Kaz's whine turned back into its angry growl, hair standing on end as he turned back to face Ginshee.
The sound made Inej reconsider a feeling she had felt before, as if there was something strange about the woman, but she had written it off as just the shock and stress of what was happening. Yet now…
“Why were you at the Slat?”
Ginshee turned to look at her, “Am I not allowed in this establishment?”
“You had no reason to be here. You and that grisha that caused this mess. Did you follow her when she came in here? Why?”
Ginshee scoffed, “I didn't follow her.”
“Then what? What was your goal?”
“I was looking for your friend.”
Kaz didn't seem pleased with that answer, a sharp bark snapping from his muzzle.
“Why did you need Kaz?”
Jesper seemed to sense the tension, a hand immediately moving to hover over one of his guns. Good. Something wasn't right. She thought back to when Ginshee had first appeared, how she had complained about her dog in Kaz's body by referencing the sounds he made or his usefulness… as if she was disappointed rather than confused.
Ginshee sighed heavily, “I wanted to see about doing some business.”
Liar.
“No, you wanted his body, didn't you? You wanted your dog to be human, you guided that grisha here, maybe even drugged her yourself and now you're disappointed–”
“Enough,” Ginshee shouted, “I want my dog back and you want Kaz, we are not enemies here.”
Inej swallowed. They were enemies the moment Ginshee tried to steal Kaz's body, but that couldn't matter yet. Not until they got Kaz back.
“What do we do then? How do we reverse this?”
“The same way it was done. Their cells have to exchange. We need parem and a Tailor… or with an average grisha days to complete the process and under that situation it's not promised that–”
“Don't you dare,” Inej interrupted, “You caused this mess, you fix it.”
Kaz yipped, tail straight and head lowered.
Ginshee smiled down at him. “What a cute little pup, hm? Think you're so tough down there do you?”
A soft growl, timid almost, as if Kaz's bravado was fading.
Inej knelt down, “We’ll change you back, Kaz. If a grisha can swap you like this, a grisha can do the reverse.”
“Our best bet is to find her again,” Ginshee said, unexplainably annoyed, “She was arrested. Once we find her, I can get Dobee back.”
And as if expecting them all to follow her, which they did, Ginshee scurried off down the hall toward the exit.