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It’s been a year since everything’s happened.
Since the fight. Since I met Alan again. Since I met that terrifying kid.
And since Dark died.
I swing my legs over the edge of the roof, staring up into the cold, night sky.
I wasn’t able to sleep. So I came out here instead. That seems to happen a lot.
It’s… weird, to say the least, to still be living in mine and Dark's house. I feel like I’m not supposed to be here. Even though it’s where I live. But without Dark, it doesn’t feel right. I’ve barely even fixed up that hole I created after I punched Dark though it. But I don’t have anywhere else to go. So.
A deep sigh escapes my lips, a small puff of condensation escaping with it. I blink my tired eyes back up to the starry sky.
I remember looking up at the sky after I escaped with Dark. It was night like now, full of shining and beautiful stars. It.. felt so nice. To look at. It was nice to see that there are other things in a black void. It was nice to feel the cold breeze on my face. Nice to see that… I really was free. That I am free.
Free with Dark.
That same night, we went exploring. It was strange to see so many other sticks. It was overwhelming. But Dark was so excited. I remember the way he bounced eagerly. And how he dragged me to every little interesting thing he saw. It was like he was just happy to be alive.
We did and saw so many things after that.
We went to the cinema for the first time. We had snuck in. But in our defense, we had no money. The movie was pretty cool. Can’t remember what it was called. But Dark loved it. It became his favorite for years. I never understood his intense love for it, but I liked seeing him so happy.
We also had ice cream for the first time not too long after that. It was amazing. I had never tasted anything like it. All Alan ever gave me was cold, tasteless mush to keep me alive. But that.. it was so sweet. I swear, I could’ve died the first time I tried it. But Dark said it tasted a bit too overwhelming for him. I think I had three more after the first one though, which Dark made fun of me for. I just couldn’t get enough of it.
After that, we stole something from a store. It was a bad thing to do. But it was only a small thing, really. And funny. Really funny. We were instantly seen and we ran for it. Dark then tripped while we were running and face planted into the ground. I was too busy laughing to help him up. We almost got caught, but we got away just in time. It was exhilarating.
The small smile that had crept onto my face slowly falls.
That’s all in the past, now.
And it doesn’t really matter anyway.
Because Dark is evil. Always was, always has been. I was too, but, I changed. I realized how wrong we were. I felt sorrow for the sticks we hurt. I regretted it.
…He didn’t. So it doesn’t matter how much fun we had together. He still wanted to hurt sticks. It’s better that he’s gone.
So.. why do I miss him so much?
I shouldn’t. I know it shouldn’t.
He did so many bad things. So many evil things. So many sticks suffered and cried because of us. We hurt so many. Our own kind.
But this ache in my heart… it won’t go away. It should.
Because I can’t miss him.
I don’t want to.
…Do I actually miss him?
Or do I just miss the fun times we had together?
Dark had changed over the years. Especially the last few ones. He became more calculating, cold, evil. But before that? We had so much fun together.
Like that one time we had our first snowball fight. It was our first winter. We had never seen snow before. It was so cold. But I liked it. I won the fight. Dark pouted about it for weeks.
But that Dark.. is different to the Dark now. Or, how he used to be, before he died.
I’m selfish to miss him anyway.
After what I did? I betrayed him. Sure, it was for a good cause, like stopping him from killing every stick in the internet. But I still did it. I still fought him. I still tried to hurt him.
So I shouldn’t miss him. I don’t have the right. I’m the reason he’s gone. That orange kid may have been the one to kill him, but I lead him there. I lead him to Dark.
I’m the reason why I’m alone.
…But I hate being alone.
I miss having someone to talk to.
I miss sharing my interests.
I miss waking up to the smell of pancakes.
I miss going out and having fun.
I even miss being shoved out of bed to be waken up.
I miss.. having a friend.
It’s so hard waking up in the morning.
The house is so quiet. I used to hate how loud Dark was. Now I miss it. I miss the loud explosions of his failed contraptions. And the way he would sing loudly in the shower. Or how he would hum while cooking. I miss his annoying, hours long rambles in the middle of the night.
I miss it all.
I miss him.
I miss him so much.
I know I shouldn’t. I know I should hate him. I know I shouldn’t spare another thought about him.
But I can’t help it.
He was all I had.
He was everything to me.
Why did this have to happen? Why does the world hate me so much?
Why did it have to take the one stick I held dearest to me?
But I guess it’s my fault, too. So I can’t really blame the world. I can’t even blame the kid. He was only defending himself.
The only one I have to blame is myself.
Maybe this is just what I’m destined for. To be alone. I was alone for all those years I was a servant in Alan's hands.
And I’m alone now.
I wipe away the tears from my face.
It doesn’t matter anymore.
It’s too late.
I can’t go back to convince Dark to stop. And I can’t go back and stop his death. This is just how it is. How it’ll always be. And I need to accept that.
I’ll always be the one who is forever alone.