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Logan awoke pretty lamely.
There was no scream or gasp or shooting upright. His eyes just opened. However, as soon as they did, his face started to contort and tears pricked his eyes. Tears stung the back of his eyes and formed a ball in his throat he struggled to breathe around. He forced his face back to normal and willed the tears to disappear.
It worked slightly.
Logan had just awoken from a dream where Wade died. It wasn’t a spectacular, gory death, or a heartfelt sacrifice or anything like that. He just dropped dead in the morning. Then Logan went through his day normally, feeling empty and blank the whole time. Then he woke up.
It felt so normal and real, like that could just happen to Wade sometime and the thought terrified him. It made him want to rip his hair out or give up his healing powers to give to Wade so he wouldn’t die. It scared him how willing he was to die so Wade could live.
Though that was all there was to it. He just died. Logan tried to ignore it and go back to sleep. There was no early morning light peeking through his windows so it must still be deep in the night.
Logan couldn’t ignore the dream.
When he tried to stop thinking about the dream, all that did was make him think about it more. Tears clawed their way up his throat and his face scrunched up and he had to constantly work at stopping it, forcing it, telling himself no don’t cry about this.
Logan didn’t like crying. Of course, he had done it a lot when the X-Men in his universe died, and he didn’t believe all that shit that boys don’t cry or crying makes someone weak. It just makes him feel bad. He never feels better after crying like most people say they do.
After being alive for 200 years he had figured out why.
Logan’s tears were silent.
There was a difference between loud tears and silent tears. Crying loudly means you want attention - even subconsciously - to be cared for or comforted or simply just to be looked at.
Crying silently means you just can’t stop.
Logan couldn’t stop.
Logan really wanted to see Wade. Just to make sure he was alive. Of course that was dumb, Wade was functionally immortal, he couldn’t die, it was a stupid worry. But he couldn’t help it. He wants to go out and see Wade alive and kiss him and tell him he loves him because he can’t bear the thought of Wade dying without knowing he’s loved.
Logan sighed. Swinging his legs around to rest his feet on the floor beside his bed, he picked up his phone and checked the time. 4:31am. So it wasn’t as late as he thought.
Okay.
Logan was going to go see Wade.
He was doing it.
Logan thought of what to say. He’d start out saying Wade, I had a dream you died. Then he’d tell him he loves him. So he’d go Wade, I had a dream you died so I just wanted to let you know that I love you. Ok, that was easy. Then he’d ask for a hug.
And maybe kiss him.
Maybe.
Logan started repeating the words in his head. Wade, I had a dream you died he said over and over. So I just wanted to let you know that I love you, got it, he was going to nail this. Can I have a hug? Wade would say yes, of course he would.
Logan stood up, pulling a tank top on, he opened the bedroom door, stepped out, and closed it behind him. He tiptoed out to the pullout couch where Wade was sleeping. Mary Puppins was lying at the end near his feet. Logan bent down and gave her a quick pat.
He took a deep breath.
He couldn’t do this.
Logan immediately turned around and walked back to his room. The closed door that greeted him felt oddly like a metaphor.
Sighing, Logan turned back and walked over to the pullout couch.
Logan reached out and tapped Wade on the arm. He woke up almost instantly, sitting up, alert.
“I’m warning you I’ve got a baby knife and i’m not afraid to use it.” Wade said, brandishing one of Mary Puppins toys because his actual baby knife was in the weapons closet.
Seeing him in such an alive way that was so uniquely Wade made Logan’s eyes sting.
Wade was alive. Oh god he was alive! Logan had never felt happier in his life. Nor has he ever felt sadder. Wade made him feel a lot of things.
“Wade-“ That was all Logan managed before the tears overtook him and his face twisted.
So much for what he planned to say.
“Logan?” Wade said.
Logan couldn’t respond, he brought his hands up to his face to wipe away the frustrating tears but Wade stopped him by wrapping his arms around his middle.
Logan choked slightly and brought his arms around Wade.
They stayed there for a bit, simply embracing.
Logan knew Wade would say yes to giving him a hug. What he didn’t really think about was Wade doing it anyway. Logan wouldn’t have been able to ask with the tears clogging his throat. Luckily Wade saw him and knew he needed comfort. Risking the chance that Logan would claw him like usual when Wade made inappropriate jokes trying to hug him.
No matter how much he pretends not to be, Wade was a gentle person.
At one point Mary Puppins pawed at Logan’s leg and he laughed slightly. Upon hearing that, Wade slowly released Logan and moved back to look at him, hands wresting on his arms. He was uncharacteristically quiet for someone called the merc with a mouth. He knew Logan needed to talk first.
Logan’s heart swelled. He never realised just how much he loved Wade until this moment, when he realised with a pang that Wade loved him too.
Logan sniffled a bit. “I- I had a dream where you died…” He managed to say, not nearly as smoothly as it was in his head.
“I-“ Logan choked again. These words were a lot harder to say. I love you. I love you. I love you.
Wade moved his hands from Logan’s arms to his hands. The action alone could’ve made Logan cry if he wasn’t already.
“I love you too, Peanut.” Wade smiled. “You don’t have to worry about me dying, you’re always gonna be stuck with me.”
“Th-ank you.” Logan nodded, his voice breaking.
His throat was raw from crying. There were tears in his mouth. Luckily, Wade didn’t seem to care because he leaned in slowly and kissed Logan softly on the lips.
It was much different to what Logan imagined - or wished - their first kiss would be like, but he decided this one was much better. It was full of love.
It was over in a few seconds, their eyes fluttering open as they pulled away in tandem.
When Logan returned to his bed to sleep, Wade followed him. Neither of them had any nightmares for the rest of the night.
Wade wasn’t sure if he was dreaming or not when he woke up. It was an incredibly nice dream to wake up in Logan’s arms. It would be even nicer if it was reality.
He felt Logan stirring next to him.
“Hey, Peanut.” Wade said softly.
Logan opened his eyes. “Hey, bub.”
“Was last night a dream?”
Logan shifted to pull Wade closer to him. “I hope not.”
Wade turned to face Logan. “Does that mean I can kiss you whenever I want now?”
Logan smiled gruffly. “Sure thing, bub.”