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I've never liked dreaming. No matter what I see, I can neither control it nor easily escape. But recently... it's you that I keep seeing.
Lumine nearly laughed. She nearly cried, too. She nearly panicked. There were many emotions, an aquarelle of glittering hues, that coursed through her at the sight of those words etched across that worn piece of parchment.
Xiao’s handwriting was rough and jagged, yet it felt far more thoughtful than any sort of rounded edges. More delicate than cursive, in fact. If there were a moment for her to wonder how that was possible, she would have taken it—but, no, she had far greater things to occupy her mind at this moment.
It was a cool spring morning when she received it. She had awoken with the sun, colors of blue, orange, and yellow darting across the sky, welcoming her into the reality she had grown to abhor. It woke her with that of a creased forehead and a slight frown. Though the sunrise was kind to her, the reality it shone for was not.
Every morning, Lumine woke with that soft silk ribbon of a memory streaming across her consciousness. That seconds-long period between sleep and full wake was her favorite; it was the time between vivid dreams and the reality that that was truly all they were: dreams. Somehow, that’s when they felt the most real, in those moments before cruel daybreak, as if the two realms of sleep and wake were one.
In reality, she had not seen Xiao for months. Though her dreams told her a different story: they wove gossamer tales of friendship and of something more. These dreams had been taking form over weeks, months, whatever—all Lumine knew that it had been going on for far longer than she’d like to admit.
And that’s the thing: there was so much that Lumine wouldn’t like to admit. Like how closely she had grown to this dream form of Xiao. Like how sparks flew every time their fingers brushed against each other. Like how she had fallen so deeply for him. She had fallen for a dream man, a person that didn’t exist, and it colored her sunrise skies with desolation.
Every morning, she spiraled. Today was no different. But that was just a moment before she found the letter resting atop the grass at her side.
Now, as she grasped the edges of the already-wrinkled parchment, a bead of hope formed in her throat. She nearly choked sobs of gratitude and shifted to her knees to call his name out to the open sky. His arms were warm and encircling within her dreams, his chest as rigid and toned as it was welcoming, and she wondered if it felt the same in reality.
But then she stopped herself.
Realistically, there could be no relation between these carefully written words and the reality that haunted her at dawn. A coincidence. Her urgent eyes swept across those words countless times, searching for something to keep her heart from breaking.
Even if this was a complete coincidence, it was clear that he had been dreaming of her. He had written these words ever so carefully across this piece of worn paper as if he had debated them nightly for gods know how long.
Each time I awake, I can't help but wonder if I deserve to have such "sweet dreams"... Perhaps were I to see you in the waking world, I would find the answer?
Lumine swallowed hard in a futile attempt to will away this mounting hope. Her heart began to thump and her fingers began to tremble as reality set in: today was Xiao’s birthday, and no matter how it terrified her, she had to visit him.
Her eyes trailed toward the open sky. Buds of blossoms and birds were busy soaking in the morning, excited for a new set of possibilities to encounter. It was a beautiful sight, but all she could ponder was if Xiao’s eyes would be as bright as they were in her dreams. If his smile would be as warm, if he would readily encircle her in those candlelight conversations of a past spoken only to her. Were those stories real, or were they merely figments of her tattered imagination?
There was only one way to find out, but she was terrified.
In a moment of clarity, Lumine realized that her next actions led to a fork in the road: love or despair. To stand upon the edge of this metaphorical cliff and jump without a safety net was as terrifying as it was necessary. One could imagine their most significant choices in life would come from these cliffs, these forks in the path toward inevitability.
She would never be ready, but she would be a fool to allow this chance to pass her by.
“Xiao.” It was soft, but it was true.
In a flash of teal, the man at the apex of her dreams stood before her. Lumine startled at the sight of him—as if she hadn’t grown to expect his sudden presence.
But no, that wasn’t why she nearly shrieked there; it was because she hadn’t taken into consideration how real he’d look. Those amber eyes were open wide, lips parted slightly in hesitation. Even in the most vivid dream, none would match the clarity of his topaz gaze, his jade locks, the tattoo that etched its way down his toned arm. She had traversed that tattoo with featherlight fingertips countless times under the dim of dreamlight, but it would never compare to the way he looked at this very moment.
“Did I startle you?” Xiao spoke in a panic. His hand reached out for a moment only to shrink away back to his side.
“No,” she laughed, but it sounded wrong. It was too loud, boisterous, with a touch of unease. Xiao’s brow wrinkled in disbelief, head tilting as if to challenge her, ”Is everything okay?”
Of course, he could read right through her. After all, he knew her well— Ah, no, she stopped herself. ‘Dream Xiao’ knew her well; this Xiao didn’t know her at all. “Y-yeah,” Lumine choked out. “I was just going to apologize—I didn’t even get you a gift this year.”
Xiao smiled a ghost of a smile, the corners of his mouth perking up slightly. His eyes glimmered as he spoke, “Physical gifts are no use to me. Birthdays are a human custom, after all.” He tried to maintain his usual brooding tone, but it failed to pierce the upward turn of his lips. “Though, the weather is nice today. I think a stroll beside the river may suffice.”
Lumine was thankful for a break from his eyes. She would much rather stare at the ground as they walked; his voice, his proximity, all of it was so intense compared to her dreams. But that was until he spoke: “So, about my letter…” he started.
Her face immediately went tomato-red, eyes darting up to meet his once more, “H-have you been having weird dreams?” she choked out. Xiao watched her tumble over her words with the utmost amusement before shoving his hands in his pockets. He pressed his lips together, formulating a careful sentence before speaking, “Very weird dreams. I see you in almost all of them.”
Lumine swallowed, opening her mouth and closing it once more.
“I wanted to speak to you about them. I’m unsure of why, but I think it has to do with the fact that every time I wake, I wonder what I did to… to deserve them.”
Then he stopped mid-step, hesitating. His smile had fallen by the time Lumine turned toward him. Even amid the chaos, her heart halted, breaking at his words of self-doubt. “Xiao,” she murmured softly, taking a step toward him. She was as sure as the sun hanging high in the sky, as sure as the harrowed look in his eye, as sure as the fact that—“You deserve far more than you believe.”
“You are unaware of the atrocities I committed long ago,” he said, brows knitting as his eyes turned downcast. Though, he didn’t know how wrong he was. I do know , Lumine wished to scream. She was there in that harrowing dream; that desolate night, she held him as he relived those memories just so that he could let her in.
“It’s as if coming here and telling you is some sort of penance,” he continued, taking a step back, “as if to atone for my sin of having these dreams. I should not have wasted your time.”
“No,” Lumine’s voice was sure and true as she spoke.
“You do not see what happens in those dreams,” his cat-like eyes flashed to meet her own once more. But now, they were full of repressed passion, of something like longing breaching its cage. “I do not deserve it, and I should not have come here. I apologize for wasting your time like th—”
“Xiao,” Lumine’s voice was lined with urgency as she strode forward and grasped his hands in hers. Anything to keep him from leaving, from disappearing from her reality as quickly as he disappeared from her dreams. “I do know. I know what happens in your dreams, and I know what you’ve been through.”
Xiao’s eyes went wide, throat bobbing as he swallowed. Time seemed to stop. Even the birds turned, awaiting their next words.
It was at that moment that Lumine realized how curious it was to be equally as sure and unsure. To teeter so readily on the edge of this cliff that could very well cause her demise if she plummeted.
What if I’m wrong?
But what if I’m right ?
“Do you remember when we were huddled inside that cave during that downpour? The wood was nearly too wet for a fire, but we managed.”
A beat of silence. “How…” Xiao stared blankly.
“You told me everything that night. The day you were enslaved. Tortured. Forced to kill.”
“You were in… you were in my dream ?”
Lumine nodded slowly, eyes fixed on his. “I lived through every night with you, and every day without you,” she said in a soft murmur.
Xiao took a moment to stand there and stare at her, absorbing her words. Slowly, surely, the surprise in his eyes was replaced with shades of hope, of admiration, of devotion. They were the eyes she had long since coveted in her dreams, now steeped in delectable reality. “But all those words you said to me, all those words I said to you…”
“They were all true. I’m having a hard time believing it all myself, if I’m honest.” She shook her head in disbelief, though she still smiled up at him, slowly growing used to the glow she knew and loved so dearly. It was so much brighter in reality.
Then, something glimmered in his eyes. “Do you remember that dream by the lake, beneath the fireworks…”
“Ah, the one from the other night? I woke up before you could finish your sentence, and you refused to tell me what you were going to say.” Her eyes narrowed in playful skepticism.
Xiao stilled, eyes flickering between hers as if yearning to read her thoughts. “I wanted to say that I love you, Lumine. I’ve just been too scared to tell you. I was—”
But before he could finish his sentence, her lips were already on his. She couldn’t help it, really. Of course, he was scared to tell her; after all, she was equally as scared to tell him the same thing.
It wasn’t long until they found themselves in the lover’s embrace they once knew only in their dreams. Only, now their love was as true as the birds singing songs of hope and trust. No more would Lumine dread the taste of dawn—no, not when her lover would be only a name away.
“I love you too, you know.”
Xiao nearly toppled her over with his next kiss.