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Chapter Text

Inside a completely black room, an excited young anti-fairy flew out of his dark blue crib. The anti-fairy couldn't be any older than a year old, and like most young anti-fairies, he had small bat-like wings, a black crown flying over his head, and slightly lighter blue skin than adults. The young anti-fairy had navy blue hair and no teeth besides two small milky white fangs. Almost all anti-fairies have red eyes, but the child had vibrant green eyes. He was wearing dark blue pajamas with a picture of a skull on them.

The anti-fairy fly over to a nightstand and grabbed a sky blue rattle with a white stripe through the middle of the main part and a black star on the top. He lifted the rattle, but it turned gray and cued over. The young anti-fairies excitement got replaced with disappointment. "You futile implement," the child remarked with a high pitch British accent. He then lifted the rattle again and appeared in a similar black room, but a dark blue sheeted bed instead of a crib. On the bed was second anti-fairy that looked like the first, but significantly older, slightly messier hair, a full mouth of teeth, bright red eyes instead of green, and a freakishly small nose.

The teenage looking anti-fairy yelled in fear as the young one suddenly appeared in his room. "Anti-Cosmo, you almost gave me a heart attack!" the teenaged fairy whined. Like the first anti-fairy, Anti-Cosmo, the new anti-fairy had a British accent, but it wasn't as prominent or high pitched.

"But it's physically impossible for anti-fairies to have a heart attack, you wuss," Anti-Cosmo said.

The other anti-fairy sighed. "What do you want anyway?" he asked.

"Well, dear brother, I want power and a fully functioning brain, but why I came here is because my wand can't fabricate fabric. It's stupid," Anti-Cosmo complained.

"Well, you know you have to have a less powerful wand than everybody else," The teen said kind of awkwardly.

"I know. I just want my sickeningly lurid uniform for school."

"Just because you can use big unknown words doesn't mean you should," the teen anti-fairy said and lifted his black starred wand. It glowed dark blue and suddenly both young anti-fairies were in uniforms. They both had the same layout, with a tie, a coat with matching pants, a white shirt underneath, and an emblem on the right side that had a slash through the middle, but the uniforms had some differences. Anti-Cosmo's jacket and pants were sky blue, even lighter than his rattle, while his brother's was black. The younger anti-fairy had a black tie and a silver emblem, while the older had a red tie and gold emblem.

Anti-Cosmo smiled, "Thank you Anti-Schnozmo. You're the best big brother ever! Can I borrow your wand?"

"B-but you can't have a wand. You're... special," Anti-Schnozmo said, kind of hesitantly, as if he was afraid to hurt his little brother's feelings.

"Oh, thanks for informing me, I never noticed. Is that why this disgrace to fashion is on me?" Anti-Cosmo said sarcastically.

"I hope you know being a jerk won't get you friends."

"Oh yes, Anti-Schnozmo the friend expert."

"Shut up," Anti-Schnozmo said and poofed them both to spellementary school. "Meet me here after school to go back home," Anti-Schnozmo said then poofed away.

Anti-Cosmo raised his rattle, then appeared right outside of a room. On the pink door, there were golden letters saying 'room 720'. Underneath that, it said 'special needs'. Anti-Cosmo didn't read the door, he looked at his wand angrily. "I hate limited magic! It can't even poof all the way into a room," He complained as he opened the door. The room had light yellow walls with the wall across from the door having a big window showing the clouded sky outside. Along one wall was a bookshelf mostly covered with toys and puzzles, but it still had books of all reading level on it. The opposite wall to the bookshelf had a chalk board.

There were five other people in the room. One was a full grown fairy with long light brown hair and lighter brown eyes. Like all fairies, she had a floating yellow crown and blue insect like wings. She was wearing a long green dress and was sitting behind a desk.

Two other ones were leprechauns, with the standard floating green hats of leprechauns. They were obviously identical twins with bright orange curly hair and blue eyes, though one had slightly lighter colored eyes. The one with lighter eyes had pointed ears while the other had rounded ears, but that was basically the only noticeable difference between the two. They both looked about seven years old and wore the same light blue outfit as Anti-Cosmo. Both of them were on the brightly colored carpet, the rounded eared one reading while the pointy eared one was playing with a jack in the box.

The fourth person was an elf, and she looked really young, about the age of three. She had decently short golden yellow hair and even brighter yellow eyes. Her skin was incredibly pale with freckle like sparkles across her face. She was also wearing the bright blue uniform and the customary elf hats that have a dark blue cone with a star on top while having a slightly lighter stripe in the middle, and a pointed folding out base. She was putting together an alphabet puzzle.

The final one was an anti-fairy. She was definitely the oldest of the children, looking about Anti-Schnozmo's age. She had the average black bat like wings and black crown of anti-fairies and was wearing the same blue suit as the rest of the children while holding a blue rattle like Anti-Cosmo, just completely sky blue. Somethings on the anti-fairy that stood out was her dark blue hair with one big, solitary swirl in the front, her big crooked teeth that stuck out of her mouth, and her unpointed ear with black pearl earrings in them. Although, the most prominent difference she had from the rest of anti-fairies was her eyes, like Anti-Cosmo's, weren't red, but pink.

"Oh, great. Another one," the full grown fairy mumbled.

"Ms. Magister, he's the same thing as me, right?" the anti-fairy asked excitedly. She had a heavy southern accent.

"Yeah," the fairy said. She sounded annoyed.

"Oh, that's so great!" the anti-fairy exclaimed and hugged Anti-Cosmo, who tensed up at the hug.

"What are you doing?" Anti-Cosmo asked, poofing out of the anti-fairies hug.

"I'm Anti-Wanda, and we're gonna become the bestest of friends!"

"Uum," Anti-Cosmo was speechless at the Anti-Fairies actions. He couldn't believe how easily she thought they would get along just because they are the same species.

"It's better just to go with it," the leprechaun with pointed ears said, not looking up at the anti-fairies. He had an Irish accent.

"What's your name, new best friend?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Anti-Cosmo, but I also answer to 'imbecile' or 'mistake'," Anti-Cosmo said.

Anti-Wanda tilted her head and looked at Anti-Cosmo in confusion. "You have more than one name?"

"Not the sharpest knife in the box, are ya?" Anti-Cosmo asked rhetorically.

"I'm not allowed to play with knives. Mommy says they're dangerous," Anti-Wanda said.

"I see," Anti-Cosmo said. He had a pretty good guess on why Anti-Wanda was in the special needs department. Then the bell rang, causing the pointy eared leprechaun to wince in pain and hold his hands over his ears, causing the other leprechaun to rub him comfortingly. The elf also put her hands over her ears, but she didn't seem nearly as phased by it as the leprechaun. After the bell stopped all of the children, except Anti-Cosmo and the elf, sat in a line on the carpet with a hole for a kid to sit in between Anti-Wanda and the twins. The fairy made a wand appear in her hand and used it to move the elf and her puzzle into the hole. Anti-Cosmo caught on to what was happening and poofed into a space between Anti-Wanda and one of the yellow walls.

"I guess introductions are in order," the fairy said, not sounding enthused in the slightest. Her wand glowed and what she was saying appeared over her head. "That's the new kid, Anti-Cosmo, last anti-fairy to ever be born," She said, pointing her wand at Anti-Cosmo. "His mom says that he's the least intelligent thing in the universe, that can't read and trips over things while flying half the time."

"You didn't have to tell them that," Anti-Cosmo mumbled while looking at the floor.

"Don't worry, I'm not good with flying either. Or words. Or anything really," Anti-Wanda said.

"Yeah, that's Anti-Wanda. She's an idiot," the fairy said, then pointed her wand at the next kid, the elf, who wasn't paying attention in the slightest. "That's Maria, she has a thing called autism." Next, the wand moved to the darker eyed, round eared leprechaun, who was the only one reading the words above the fairy's head. "That's Dillan, he can't hear." the wand moved to the other leprechaun. "That's his brother Blaine. He can't see. I'm Ms. Magister, the teacher. Any questions?"

Anti-Wanda raised her hand. "What's an autism?" she asked without waiting to get called on, ruining the point of the hand.

"You ask this every year, you should know by now," Ms. Magister said.

"Autism is a mental condition, present from early childhood, characterized by difficulty in communicating and forming relationships with other people and in using language and abstract concepts," Anti-Cosmo explained.

"Wow, you're smart," Anti-Wanda said smiling.

Anti-Cosmo couldn't help but laugh at Anti-Wanda's comment. "Don't you know that I'm the least intelligent thing in the universe," he said. Blaine looked like he was going to say something, but stopped.

"Well, now that introductions are over, go leave me alone," Ms. Magister said. She lifted her wand and it started to glow.

"Aren't you supposed to be teaching us something?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Ms. Magister's wand stopped glowing and she glared at the anti-infant. "Fine," she said, "Let's learn about occupations."

Anti-Wanda raised her hand. "What's an occupations?" she asked without waiting to be called on again.

"It's a job," Ms. Magister said.

"What's a job?"

"It's an occupation. So, Blaine, what do you want to be when you grow up?"

"I want to be a famous actor," he said.

"What about you?" Ms. Magister asked Dillan. He started signing his answer. "Interesting. What do you want to be when you grow up?" She asked Maria this time. Maria utterly ignored her. "As I thought," She said then looked at Anti-Wanda.

"I wanna be an ostrich!" Anti-Wanda said excitedly.

"Of course you do. And you?"

"I'm going to become ruler of the universe, or at least Anti-Fairy World," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Sure you are. Now I finished the lesson so leave me alone," Ms. Magister said and poofed behind the one desk in the room. The kids went back to what they were doing before Anti-Cosmo came in, while Anti-Cosmo floated over to the desk. "You're not very good at listening," Ms. Magister said.

"Well, you're not very good at being a good teacher."

"If you have any complaints write a letter to the school board," She said then poofed up a piece of paper, feather, and ink.

"But I'm illiterate."

Ms. Magister shrugged. "Not my problem."

Anti-Cosmo could guess the conversation wouldn't get him anywhere so he grabbed the paper, feather, and ink then floated over to Anti-Wanda. She was playing with a long rope that just happened to be there. "Do you think if I conquer the school that I could get Ms. Teacher fired?" Anti-Cosmo asked Anti-Wanda.

"I don't think," Anti-Wanda said.

"In general, or..." Anti-Cosmo started saying.

"What does 'in general' mean?"

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "Not important," he said. "Can I have that rope? I need to hold someone ransom."

"Can I come with you?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"No, you'll probably just get in the way."

"Please?" Anti-Wanda pleaded.

Anti-Cosmo contemplated it for a moment. "I suppose a human shield has the potential of being useful…"

"I have no idea what a single word you said meant, so is it a yes?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Sure," Anti-Cosmo said.

"YAY!" Anti-Wanda rejoiced.

Anti-Cosmo took the rope from her and put it in a magical pocket on his uniform. He put a cork in the ink and put it in the pocket along with the paper and feather. "Let's poof to the principle's office," Anti-Cosmo said and lifted his wand. Anti-Wanda did the same and they disappeared in a conjoined cloud.

The young anti-fairies reappeared in front of the principal's office. "Wow, I haven't been able to magic myself this far before," Anti-Wanda said in amazement looking at her rattle.

"Our combined magic must make our wands less utterly useless," Anti-Cosmo said as he opened the door.

"Who are you?" the man behind the marble desk said. He was a short and stocky fairy with dark brown eyes and dark brown balding hair. He was wearing a blue plaid shirt that looked a size too small and black pants. He, of course, had a yellow crown floating over his head, wings a much lighter blue than his plaid on his back, and a yellow wand in his hand. The desk had a plaque that said 'Principal George Benes' on it.

"You're the principal, right?" Anti-Cosmo asked, unable to read the plaque.

That's when Mr. Benes noticed they were wearing the light blue school uniform and not just a normal suit. "Oh, you two are those kind of kids. I'll call Ms. Magister," he said. He was reaching for the giant glowing cube that could project his voice across the school.

Anti-Cosmo grabbed the cube before Mr. Benes could and grabbed his wand too. The anti-baby laughed, which sounded more adorable than evil. "Finally, actual magic!" He exclaimed and lifted the wand. Once it started glowing, though, Anti-Cosmo immediately dropped it. "That hurt," Anti-Cosmo whined looking at his hand that used to hold the wand.

"Well, no duh. Anti-fairies have to be at least one hundred to use fairy magic without it burning their hand. That's not even counting the other side effects of anti-fairies effectively using fairy magic," Mr. Benes said. He was still sitting in the chair behind his desk, mostly because the anti-children didn't seem very threatening in the slightest.

"Anti-Wanda, I need you to monologue," Anti-Cosmo said.

"What's that?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"It means talk a lot," Anti-Cosmo clarified.

"Oh, I'm great at that! Just watch!" Anti-Wanda said excitedly. "In space, there was a big squid that liked to eat stuff. He ate pumpkin pie, pecan pie, key lime pie, lemon meringue pie, apple pie, blueberry pie, cherry pie, blackberry pie, chess pie, rhubarb pie, mince pie, Mississippi mud pie, buttermilk pie, sweet potato pie, and horses. That's when the big floating jelly baby came and killed everyone. The end. Was that good?"

Anti-Cosmo smiled at Anti-Wanda and nodded. "It was a great story," Anti-Cosmo said. While Anti-Wanda was talking, Anti-Cosmo was flying around the principal with the rope, loosely laying it on him so it covered most of the principal's body. Now that she finished, Anti-Cosmo pulled on the rope as hard as he could, making the principal get attached to the chair.

"What are you kids even doing?" Mr. Benes asked, realizing he legitimately couldn't do anything.

"I don't know, but it's fun," Anti-Wanda said.

"We're overthrowing the school to fire Ms. Teacher. Next, we'll overthrow the Anti-Fairy World government, then the universe," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Big dreams," Mr. Benes said. "You know, big dreams lead to big disappointments. 'Never try, never fail' I always say."

"Why is everyone employed in this school terrible at their job?" Anti-Cosmo asked as he took the paper, ink, and feather out of his pocket and put it on the desk top.

"Well, I honestly don't even know what a principal does. I just looked irritated all the time for three hundred forty years, and next thing I know I'm running a school. Well, not really running a school, more of looking irritated behind this desk until the vice principal does my work for me."

Anti-Cosmo stood on the desk staring at the principal in disbelief. Anti-Wanda floated up and joined him on the marble desk. "How does that even work? Fairies are so unbelievably imbecilic."

While Anti-Cosmo was talking, Anti-Wanda was looking around in boredom. She grabbed the gray feather off of the desk and started rubbing it on her face, laughing.

"If you look annoyed people think you're working hard. Believe me, kid, it's a magic no wand can remake. Well, maybe a pixie wand can," Mr. Benes rambled.

"Anyway, you're being held ransom. Tell me how to conquer your school, or I'll kill you or something," Anti-Cosmo sort of threatened.

"I don't know how to conquer something," Mr. Benes said. "I don't even know how to make fish without magic."

It was about that time Anti-Wanda stopped tickling herself and somewhat paid attention to what was going on.

"B-but… you're an adult! Don't all adults know how to over through the government but are just too lazy to?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Who ever told you that?" Mr. Benes asked.

The principal's question was replied to with laughter as Anti-Wanda started tickling Anti-Cosmo with the feather.

"No, no stop it," Anti-Cosmo said between laughs. A dark blue aura was glowing around him.

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said and stopped. Once she stopped, the cabinets behind them fell over, spewing papers everywhere.

"Geez, you're still young enough to do that?" Mr. Benes asked, bewildered.

Anti-Cosmo suddenly had a realization. "I am young enough to do that!" he said and turned to Anti-Wanda. "I need you to do that again!"

"Say 'okay', or before that?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Before that. The thing with the feather," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Okey dokey," Anti-Wanda said and started tickling Anti-Cosmo again. As the anti-baby laughed uncontrollably, the blue magic bordered him again. As it continued past where it ended the first time, Anti-Cosmo fell to the desktop with laughter and the aura got slightly bigger which made the ink bottle started shaking. The cork popped off and hit the principal in the head. He didn't really seem bothered by it though, he was too busy watching the ink multiply and it came out of the bottle as a humanoid like creature. It was bigger than Anti-Cosmo but still smaller than Anti-Wanda, who dropped the feather as she looked at the creature in amazement. "Wow," she mumbled.

Anti-Cosmo stood back up on the pearly white marble desk, not even bothering to fly. "My creation! Go outside the window, we'll make you bigger!" he commanded. The blob of black ink nodded and walked out of the window, leaving a trail of ink as it walked. After it got outside, it made the 'okay' symbol with a hand it just materialized. Anti-Cosmo turned to Anti-Wanda. "Let's make it bigger," he said and raised his rattle.

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said and raised her's. Since size changing spells were fairly simple, their combined magic made the monster about 50% bigger than the school.

"Now, my creation, CAPTURE THEM ALL!" Anti-Cosmo yelled and started laughing monster shot ink out of its arms, and encased all the inhabitants of the school. The youngest anti-fairy poofed the cube into his hands and turned it on. "Pitiful creatures, I am your new master, Anti-Cosmo!" Anti-Cosmo exclaimed into the cube. Those words got projected across the school and echoed back to the room. "Do I really sound like that?" he mumbled, which wasn't picked up by the cube because Anti-Wanda took it.

"Hey y'all! I like squids!" Anti-Wanda yelled into it. There was a moment of silence. "That's all," She said and handed the cube back to Anti-Cosmo.

"Anyway," Anti-Cosmo continued, "I command you all now. First, I fire Ms. Teacher. Second, OVERTHROW THE ANTI-FAIRIEN GOVERNMENT!"

"What's with you and the government?" Mr. Benes asked. "You're, like, two. I'm ten thousand and I get bored every time someone mentions it."

"Third, fire the principal too," Anti-Cosmo said.

Mr. Benes looked offended. "Oh, I see how it is."

Anti-Wanda grabbed the cube, "Greenth, sing a song about breaking giraffes' necks!"

Anti-Cosmo took the cube back. "Fourth, after we overthrow Anti-Binky and I become ruler, we move onto bigger things," he said and started walking forward on the desk. "Start with earth, then Fairy World and Pixie World, then THE UNIVER-" Anti-Cosmo started to yell, but as he was saying it his foot went onto the paper blending into the white desk. The paper slipped from under his foot and an unprepared anti-baby fell off of the desk and hit the ground. "Ow, that hurt…" Anti-Cosmo whined.

Mr. Benes and Anti-Wanda started laughing, Mr. Benes laughing harder. 'You idiotic little creature,' Anti-Cosmo heard his mom say. 'The green eyed pesk can't even fly without falling on his face. I don't want that thing! The small nosed pushover is bad enough! He's a failure!'

Anti-Wanda stopped laughing as she saw the black aura around Anti-Cosmo again. "You okay?" she asked.

"I'm a stain of an anti-fairies," Anti-Cosmo mumbled. He moved into a fetal position as tears rolled down his face. "Pathetic garbage."

Outside, the ink monster exploded and disappeared completely along with the clouds, showing a bright blue sky and brighter yellow sun. The rope undid itself from the principal and it retied itself around Anti-Wanda, then tied itself around Anti-Cosmo, pushing the two anti-fairies together.

Mr. Benes flew over to his wand that Anti-Cosmo left on the floor and poofed a pacifier into the younger anti-fairy's mouth and he spit it out. "I'm not a baby," He mumbled.

"Fine, be that way. See if I care," He said.

Suddenly the door swung open. "George, are you okay?" the person asked in panic. It was a fairy with medium length black poofy hair and light brown eyes. She wore a white sweater like thing with a barely noticeable red dot on it and black pants, along with a yellow crown and blue wings.

The principal got a very annoyed look on his face all of a sudden. "I was trying to do paperwork when these kids showed up and tied me to a chair and took over the school and knocked over my cabinets and-"

"Okay, okay. Calm down. How about I do your paperwork and you can take care of the kids. Will that be alright?" the fairy asked.

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Elaine," Mr. Benes said, looking slightly less annoyed. The fairy, Elaine, smiled and poofed away along with all the paperwork and reorganized the fallen papers back into the cabinets, putting the cabinets upright in the process.

As the poof cloud disappeared, Mr. Benes didn't look annoyed in the slightest, he actually looked kind of pleased. "Well, that went better than I expected," He said and grabbed the cube and projected his voice across the school. "Ms. Magister to the principal's office."

"Why is she going to the principal's office? Is she in trouble?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"No," Mr. Benes said, "She's coming to get you two. Oh, by the way, you both have detention for the next twenty times after school's out."

"What's a detention? Is it food?" Anti-Wanda asked. "I eat food with my feet. Is that okay?"

Mr. Benes didn't exactly know how to respond to that. Luckily he didn't have to because Ms. Magister flew in. "Why didn't you just poof over here?" Mr. Benes asked.

"Because, boss, Maria stole my wand and screamed when I took it away. By the way, I want a raise."

"The answer is still no. Now, the kids still have a quarter of an earth rotation left of school, so go educate them."

Ms. Magister sighed. "Fine," She said and grabbed one of the loops on the rope that tied the two Anti-Fairy children together. Begrudgingly, she flew out of the room holding an over excited anti-teen and an anti-toddler that was heavily wallowing in self-pity tied together by a rope.

When they got back to room 720, Ms. Magister took her wand back from Maria and poofed the rope away, freeing the anti-children. "That's the last time I add a rope to the toy collection," she said.

"Oh, yes, I know! Do you want yellow star?" Maria said trying to reach the wand in her teacher's hand, but she was too short. Her voice was high pitched and adorable sounding, but sounded on the verge of crying as well.

Ms. Magister dropped the wand and Maria reclaimed it and started giggling. Anti-Cosmo floated into a corner and festered in his own sorrow silently. Anti-Wanda sat next to him, but after a while of trying to cheer him up and failing, she went and hung out with the leprechaun twins.

About an hour before the school let out, Ms. Magister floated over to the corner Anti-Cosmo never moved from. "Stop brooding kid. It's kind of incredibly disturbing. I don't think you've moved in, like, one fifth of a whole earth rotation."

"I'm a disgusting excuse for an anti-fairy that doesn't deserve to live," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Lighten up. You're not even a whole solar cycle old, and you managed to almost destroy the school. That seems like something anti-fairies would be all for. I know my opposite at your age would be jealous. My god was my opposite annoying."

Anti-Cosmo looked up at his teacher, which was the most movement he'd done in about five hours. "Why do you suddenly care about doing your job?"

"I've been at this job for literally a billion and a half solar cycles. It's not that I don't care about it, it's boring. But that's not the point. Enjoy life before you get you get old enough for everything to be boring. Besides, I think you're making Anti-Wanda smarter. Speaking of which, I think she needs your intelligence," Ms. Magister said. Anti-Wanda was trying to put a square block into an octagon hole that was three times smaller than the block.

Although Anti-Cosmo believes his intelligence isn't very big at all, he could agree with his teacher that he's at least smarter than Anti-Wanda. "I'll go help her," Anti-Cosmo mumbled and slowly flew over to the other anti-fairy.

"So, if we overpower Anti-Binky, we can take his place as ruler of Anti-Fairy World!" Anti-Cosmo explained.

"Oh. How do we do that? The powering over thing?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"I haven't gotten that far yet."

The bell rang, poofing Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda into a room with lots of desks, but all of them empty except for the ones holding the anti-children.

"You have detention. Moving and/or talking is prohibited for the next three twenty-fifths of an earth's rotation. Do you have any questions?" A pixie said. He looked exactly like all other pixies with boxed wings, flat black hair, a gray suit and pointy hat, and black sunglasses. The only difference was he had a gray name tag that said 'Donald' on it.

Anti-Wanda raised her hand. "I got told food was here." She said without being called on.

"That is not a question," Donald said emotionlessly, like all pixies.

Anti-Cosmo suddenly had a realization. "Shoot, Anti-Schnozmo is going to be waiting for a while, isn't he."

"He will be waiting for the next three twenty-fifths of an earth's rotation. Question time is now over," Donald said. He lifted a black stick with a gray circle on the top. The circle glowed a brighter gray and gray duct tape appeared over both the kid's mouths.

Chapter Text

Anti-Schnozmo and Anti-Cosmo poofed into a darkened room.

"Oh geez, Anti-Cosmo, should we really be doing this? Breaking and entering is wrong," Anti-Schnozmo whispered.

"What are you, a fairy? Don't worry so much," Anti-Cosmo replied in a louder voice, but it was still a whisper.

"Why did I agree to this?" Anti-Schnozmo whined.

"Because you're a pushover, and I said please."

"Well, yeah but…" Anti-Schnozmo mumbled. He was cut off by Anti-Cosmo tripping over the couch in the middle of the room. Anti-Schnozmo froze in the air, not sure if he should be more afraid of the house inhabitants waking up at the thud his little brother made or Anti-Cosmo freaking out because he's an 'inadequate excuse of an anti-fairy'.

Anti-Cosmo started floating again. "There's something squishy there, just so you know," he said, putting an end to Anti-Schnozmo's second fear.

"Be more careful," The older anti-fairy scowled.

"Yeah, yeah whatever."

Then the lights turned on which made Anti-Schnozmo immediately scream like a girl and poof away, leaving his sibling in the room with the new person.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "Such a loving brother," he mumbled sarcastically, knowing he'd been abandoned.

"W-who a-are y-y-you," a teenage girl fairy stuttered, obviously scared out of her mind. She looked identical to Anti-Wanda, accept she had relatively straight teeth, really light blue hair, and red eyes. She held her wand in very shaky hands with the starred end pointing towards Anti-Cosmo in a threatening fashion.

"Anti-Blonda, correct? I'm Anti-Cosmo, and have come for a play date with your sister."

"I-I don't think M-Mom and Dad would like that. They're out today for Friday the thirteenth."

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "Oh parrish the thought. I already checked if it was okay with your progenitors, and they said it was," he lied.

"M-my what?"

The anti-baby rolled his eyes. 'These idiots and their lack of vocabulary,' he thought. "Parents," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Oh…" Anti-Blonda said in a small voice. "Anti-Wanda's room is upstairs, two doors to the left.'

"Cool," Anti-Cosmo said and poofed into the room. Anti-Wanda was still asleep in her large, blue blanketed bed. The younger Anti-Fairy flew over and started shaking his friend. "Anti-Wanda, wake up!"

"Anti-Cosmo?" she asked tiredly. "What are you doin' here?"

"Do you know what tomorrow is?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Anti-Wanda shot up in her bed and got really excited. "Oh, I know, I know! Tomorrow is a pronoun!"

"No, it's an adverb or noun, but that's not what I meant. Tomorrow is Friday the thirteenth! My first Friday the thirteenth."

"Oh, I think it's my twelenthed Friday the thirteenth."

"Alright then," Anti-Cosmo said, deciding it wouldn't be worth the effort to try and find out what number she meant by that. "Anyway, Anti-Fairies get more magical power on Friday the thirteenth, even the anti-fairies deemed not fully ready to have a normal wand."

Anti-Wanda stared blankly at Anti-Cosmo, so he sighed. "We have better magic today,"

Anti-Wanda smiled. "Cooliosis," she said.

"My original plan proofed away because he's a wimp, but if we combine our magic, we could probably make it to somewhere debatably better than Earth. We can spread bad luck around Fairy World!"

Anti-Wanda gasped. "But those fairies don't like us!"

"Exactly! And we don't like them. For one day, I can ruin the life of the fairy who ruined mine with his superior intelligence, flying skills, and power!"

"What's that?" A very young fairy boy asked his mom.

"It's a shoe," She replied.

"I'm gonna make it a three!" the boy said and raised a white rattle with a purple stripe down the middle and a yellow crown picture on the stripe. It glowed yellow and the shoe became a live carp flopping around.

"Cosmo, dear, that's a fish," the boy's mom said.

"Oh," he said. The young fairy, Cosmo, looked basically identical to Anti-Cosmo, besides their color scheme. He had the same green eyes as the anti-fairy and green hair to match it. Cosmo also had fairly pale skin and one tooth in the middle of his top gums instead of fangs. Like all fairies, he had a yellow crown and blue tinted insect-like wings. "Can I please go to the fairy park? They just got lots new things to play with!"

"Well," Cosmo's mom stopped to think for a second. It was Friday the thirteenth, but the anti-fairies usually stayed on Earth, and she never could say 'no' to the puppy dog eyes her son was giving her. "Okay, but be careful."

"Okey dokey," Cosmo said and poofed away

Little did the fairies know, two baby anti-fairies were just outside the door eavesdropping on the conversation. They were both breathing heavy from using more magic than they're used to, but Anti-Cosmo was also slightly confused. "Why would my genius opposite, whose sheer power made further fairy baby births illegal, be asking what a shoe is and turning it into a fish instead of a three?"

"I don't know," Anti-Wanda says.

"He could be lying, but that's not fairy-like at all," Anti-Cosmo thought out loud.

"Maybe he's like me and not, um, what's the word?"

"Smart?"

"Yeah!"

Anti-Cosmo scoffed, "Oh, believe me, an unintelligent fairy wouldn't make his opposite as exceedingly stupid as I am."

"Huh?" Anti-Wanda asked, not understanding some of the words.

The younger anti-fairy sighed, "Nevermind. We should go to the park and spread bad luck to my counterpart anyways." He lifted his wand and Anti-Wanda did the same, poofing them to the Fairy Park where Cosmo was swinging on a swing set. The park was empty except for the three magical children.

"Make a black cat, with your magic," Anti-Cosmo demanded Anti-Wanda.

"Okey dokey," Anti-Wanda said and razed her sky blue rattle. A black cat appeared in front of the fairy.

"Hi there kitty," Cosmo said cheerfully.

Anti-Cosmo chuckled evilly as he raised his magical rattle and made the swing set disappear. Cosmo fell to the ground and the cat ran away terrified.

To the youngest anti-fairies surprise, Cosmo laughed. "The swings went gone, just like Daddy," the baby fairy laughed. He floated up, not bothering to brush off the dust, and flew over to the slide.

"That optimistic little fairy! Why isn't he miserable? He had bad luck!" Anti-Cosmo growled angrily. Although he was decently loud, Cosmo didn't hear him.

"I don't know," Anti-Wanda said.

"He's doing mind games, isn't he. Well, I'll show him! Together, we'll get past his genius and manipulating mind! Make a mirror to break!"

Anti-Wanda razed her rattle again and a mirror appeared in front of Anti-Cosmo. He poofed it at the bottom of the slide.

"Hi there weird green fairy. You're on a slide too!" Cosmo said smiling. He then slides down the slide and shattered the mirror. "Wee, that was fun."

Anti-Cosmo poofed up a safe above his contract part. It crushed the fairy and broke the slide in half. Anti-Cosmo got really happy, he couldn't believe his terrible magic made that big of an object. His joy was soon replaced by anger as the door to the safe fell off and Cosmo flew out smiling wider than before.

"This is the funnest visit to the park ever!" Cosmo laughed and flew to the play structure.

Anti-Cosmo gripped his wand tighter in anger.

"What are you doing?" Anti-Wanda asked when Anti-Cosmo raised his rattle.

He made salt appear. "He needs to be miserable! So miserable in fact that he'll need his own fairy godparents!" Anti-Cosmo said angrily and threw the salt container as hard as he could at his counterpart.

The salt hit Cosmo in the face. "Awe, thank you, random shadowy person hiding in some bushes. I love sugar," Cosmo said and started eating the salt.

"Wait, that's sugar? I want some!" Anti-Wanda said excitedly.

Anti-Cosmo poofed up a large sugar cube for Anti-Wanda, which she started eating with her feet. Anti-Cosmo flew over to Cosmo and snatched his salt back.

"Oh, you're me! But not! Thank you for the sugar. It tasted weird, you should fix it," the youngest fairy said. He was smiling sweetly at Anti-Cosmo.

"I despise you and your manipulating fake idiocy. I would kill you if we weren't immortal," Anti-Cosmo said bitterly.

"What does that mean?" Cosmo asked.

"JUST SHUT UP ALREADY!" Anti-Cosmo yelled at his counterpart, scaring the fairy "You already ruined the only holiday that means anything to an anti-fairy and the rest of my entire life."

"Oh, I-I'm sorry I made you not happy. When I'm not happy I eat ice cream! You're me, you love ice cream too, right?" Cosmo asked.

Anti-Cosmo glared at Cosmo. "That's not shutting up."

"You need lots of ice cream. I know just the place," Cosmo said and razed his rattle.

"Don't you dare," Anti-Cosmo threatened.

Cosmo's rattle glowed yellow and Anti-Cosmo disappeared.

"Hey, Anti-Cosmo, I ran out of sugar. Also, when did you change to look exactly like the fairy we were giving bad luck to?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Hi, my name's Cosmo. My sugar got taken."

"Awe, do you miss your sugar too?"

"Yeah," Cosmo signed.

"Life is hard," Anti-Wanda mumbled.

"Yeah," Cosmo agreed.

Anti-Cosmo appeared in a fairy ice cream parlor in a purple-pink cloud saying 'ice cream'. Once the cloud disappeared, Anti-Cosmo was coughing. "I hate bloody fairy magic," he whined.

"Are you an anti-fairy?" a fairy that looked nearly exactly like Anti-Wanda just with pink hair, peach skin, and bright yellow clothing.

Anti-Cosmo stared blankly at the fairy. Not only was his entire being was in pain from the fairy magic, but a random fairy was just approaching him, an anti-fairy, on Friday the thirteenth of all days.

"Why are you here?" the fairy asked.

"Revenge and spite for my counterpart," Anti-Cosmo said. He didn't know exactly why he told the truth, but he assumed it was because the fairy looked like his best friend.

"Why are you in an ice cream parlor? And how did you get here in a fairy poof cloud?"

The fairies endless questions were starting to annoy Anti-Cosmo. Especially because if he told the truth, like he has been doing, he would have to bring up how Cosmo 'outsmarted' him. "My counterpart is sharp-witted, evil, and hates me."

"His great big evil, genius, and hate-fueled plan was an ice cream parlor? Are you sure that he's all of those things?"

"You know what, fairies need to learn to shut up more," Anti-Cosmo complained.

The fairy looked kind of offended. "Anti-fairies need to learn how to be actually smart. Or maybe how to poof back to their world instead of staying in the place where they're universally hated."

"Ooo, I'm threatened now," Anti-Cosmo said sarcastically.

The fairy narrowed her eyes at Anti-Cosmo. "DADDY!" she yelled. Suddenly in a dark purple cloud, a large adult fairy with a purple suit, black hair, pink eyes, and a five o'clock shadow appeared.

"What do you think you're doing in fairy world, you blue freak?" the man asked and started cracking his knuckles.

The pink haired teenaged fairy crossed her arms and smiled triumphantly as she watched the anti-fairy silently panic.

"Oh, would you look at that, I'm threatened now. Gotta go, bye," Anti-Cosmo said frantically and poofed back to the playground."We need to go back to anti-fairy world," Anti-Cosmo told Anti-Wanda as soon as he got to where her and Cosmo were.

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said and both the anti-fairies raised their rattles.

"Bye Anti-Wanda, it was fun playing with you. Also, bye, and me but not me, are you not not happy now?" Cosmo asked smiling and waving when he said bye.

"Are you friends with my counterpart?" Anti-Cosmo questioned kind of judgingly.

"Na, he's really annoying and stupid, but it was funny watching him try to eat the broken mirror with his feet," Anti-Wanda said.

"Okay then," Anti-Cosmo said. He was still slightly weirded out that his best friend was having a somewhat fun time with his complete opposite, but he soon passed it off as Cosmo's incredible acting and manipulation skills. "Anyways, we should still leave."

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said and together they poofed back to anti-fairy world, each child in their own house.

"WHERETHEHECKDIDYOUGOIWASWORRIEDALLDAYNEVERDOTHATAGAIN!" Anti-Blonda panicked once Anti-Wanda appeared in front of her.

"I watched a fairy try to get tortured with bad luck," Anti-Wanda said.

"WHATHOWDIDYOUMEETAFAIRYDIDYOUGOTOFAIRYWORLDNEVERLEAVEMYSIGHTAGAIN!"

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said and poofed to her room.

After Anti-Blonda started calming down, she started putting the pieces together. 'That Anti-Cosmo kid took my sister to fairy world, didn't he. What a bad role model,' she thought.

As she thought some more, she thought about how Anti-Cosmo puts her sister in dangerous situations because of most likely selfish was starting to resent the baby anti-fairy currently staring at his ceiling in anger and misery from inside his crib.

Anti-Cosmo was in his bed, thinking about how terrible his life is. If the first six months were full of an awful parent, a school where everyone is either terrible at their job or an idiot student, and a holiday that's supposed to be the best time of an anti-fairies life was one of the worst days of his life, he couldn't imagine how the rest of his infinite lifespan would be spent.

His thoughts got interrupted when there was a poof in his room. "Hey, you're back."

"Hey, you're an abandoner."

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," Anti-Schnozmo said, "I thought you would do the same and run back home with me."

"And when I didn't you never bothered to come back."

"If you were killed, there's no use in sacrificing both of us. Who is mother going to torment if we're both dead?"

Anti-Cosmo glared at his brother in reply.

"What even happened after I, um," Anti-Schnozmo started.

"Ran away like the wuss you are?"

"Yeah."

"Well, the 'terrifying' person was Anti-Blonda. Then Anti-Wanda and I went to fairy world and my counterpart was an evil, manipulating sack of torture. After that, I met this pink and yellow fairy that asked a lot of questions in a less southern and and more naggy version of Anti-Wanda's voice. She was probably fairy Wanda, but she threatened me with her huge father. All around it was an atrocious day, and not the good kind of atrocious," Anti-Cosmo explained.

"Well, maybe it'll be better next year," Anti-Schnozmo suggested

"Perhaps if we go to earth instead of the terribly bright fairy world, it would be better," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I'll try not to abandon you next time."

"Let's see how great that goes," Anti-Cosmo remarked.

"If I get you another audio dictionary, would you be less irritated at life?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"It wouldn't hurt."

Anti-Schnozmo sighed and poofed up an audio dictionary for his illiterate brother.

"Happy friday the thirteenth my dear brother," Anti-Cosmo said smiling at his new dictionary.

"Happy Friday the thirteenth," Anti-Schnozmo replied. He couldn't help be smile at his brother's happiness.

Chapter Text

"Field trip, yay," Ms. Magister said. Her voice oozed with so much sarcasm that even Anti-Wanda understood that she didn't actually mean it.

"A field trip? To where?" Blaine asked.

"Think of the most boring things besides the earth dwellers, then captivate them for our 'amusement'," Ms. Magister said. She used air quotes around the word amusement.

"Is it a magical zoo?" Anti-Cosmo guessed.

"Yup."

"Z-O-O spells zoo. Do you want to go to the zoo? Yes, I love the zoo!" Maria said.

"Kay," Ms. Magister said. She didn't know how to respond to that.

A pixie poofed into the room in a gray cloud. He was just an average pixie. "Anybody that is unauthorized to be on this field trip, leave the room now," the pixie said. The whole class stared at the pixie for a couple of seconds until he spoke up again. "Okay, you will now go to Zim Zoo, the zoo of magical creatures slash insects," he said and raised his wand. The circular gray tip glowed a lighter gray and in an equally light gray cloud the class of room 720 got transported to Zim Zoo. Maria laughed and her arms started shaking with joy as she skipped over to a sign that was giving facts about the creature in the glass like cage in front of it.

"Akaname," Maria read, "It can smell dirt and lick things clean with it's ten human foot long tongue."

Inside the cage was a red and warty humanoid with frog-like features and a long tongue. "Can I kill it?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"I bet it would taste great in a pie," Anti-Wanda said.

"Okay, you two," Ms magister said pointing at the leprechaun twins, "You guys have luck, so just stay together and don't get in trouble."

"I never get into trouble," Blaine said.

"Sure you don't. And you two," Ms. Magister said and pointed at the young anti-fairies. "You guys have magic, so just don't be stupid."

"Mum says that's I'm physically incapable of being not stupid," Anti-Cosmo said.

"It's okay, I can be not not stupid for both of us," Anti-Wanda said.

"I don't want to hear about how to eat or kill each animal, and at least one of you is competent enough to survive a couple tenths of an earth's rotation, so just find me when you're either bored or about to die," Ms. Magister said.

"Okay, let's go Anti-Cosmo," Anti-Wanda said and started dragging her friend through the zoo. They saw a variety of animals, like fairy dogs, Allocamelus', Werehyenas, Clurichauns, a Leshi, Bonnacons, a Cockatrice, Vampire Cats, and more. They stopped at a Karakasa-Obake cage. "I like that thing! I'll call him Wilson" Anti-Wanda said pointing at the creature. It was a walking umbrella creature that has two claw-like hands, as well as a single foot (made from the handle) which wears a Japanese sandal. A single large eye sits above a mouth with a long, lolling tongue. The majority of the creature was bright orange but with pitch black teeth that were smiling wide.

"What the hell is that thing?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"I don't know. I can't read," Anti-Wanda said.

"Neither can I," Anti-Cosmo said, "I don't even get how people can tell apart each letter."

The Karakasa-Obake tapped on the glass like cage with its claw-like hands, which made the young anti-fairies return their attention to it. The creature made a weird noise.

"Wilson, what is it?" Anti-Wanda asked.

The creature, Wilson, smiled wider, showing more pitch black teeth. Its blood red eyes glowed slightly. It used its talons to beckon the children forward.

"What's he doing?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"I don't know."

Wilson smiled even wider and started jumping to the back of the cage.

Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Like we're going to follow it," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, we are? Okay," Anti-Wanda said and started flying after Wilson.

"Anti-Wanda, don't run after it! That was sarcasm!" Anti-Cosmo exclaimed and started chasing his friend to a wall next to the cage. Wilson made a noise that sounded like very deep laughter, then he jumped to a part of the cage that was behind the wall.

"Don't leave, Willy! We have to follow you," Anti-Wanda said and razed her rattle.

"Anti-Wanda, wait!" Anti-Cosmo said and grabbed her rattle's top.

"But you said we should," Anti-Wanda argued and her rattle glowed and both of them poofed through the wall saying 'employees only'.

They appeared on the other side of the wall and saw a metal hatch that looked like it could be opened on a part of the glass like cage.

"Hey, I wanted to go into the cage. What happened?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"It's probably a magic proof cage," Anti-Cosmo said. He took his hand off of Anti-Wanda's rattle.

Wilson started tapping on the metal hatch with his claws.

"What does he want?" Anti-Wanda asked Anti-Cosmo.

"Probably for us to open that gray thing," Anti-Cosmo answered.

"If we open it, can we get inside with him?"

"Most likely, but what would we get out of it? Animals are so needy, and besides, it's really bright colored."

"Come on, he's friendly. Just look at that smile! We should play with him."

Anti-Cosmo contemplated it for a second. "Okay," he said, "it seems decently harmless."

"Yay!" Anti-Wanda rejoiced.

Anti-Cosmo walked up to the metal hatch and pushed it inward with some difficulty. It had a lot of resistance to it. After it was pushed inward enough, the creature's long tongue shot out and started slithering all over Anti-Cosmo's face.

"Ew!" Anti-Cosmo yelled and took his hands off of the hatch, immediately closing it and chopping off a large chunk of the tongue. It fell to the floor and squirmed wildly, but the children didn't care and the creature just continued to smile with half of his tongue missing.

"Ew, it's so disgusting! I think its saliva is in my mouth! This is worse than torture!" Anti-Cosmo cried frantically trying to wipe the saliva off his face.

"What's saliva? Does it taste good? Is it the stuff on your face?" Anti-Wanda asked. Anti-Cosmo didn't answer because he was too busy trying to clean off his face, so Anti-Wanda wanted to find out for herself whether the saliva tasted good or not so she licked his face. "You could have just told me it doesn't taste good," Anti-Wanda complained.

"You made it worse!" Anti-Cosmo cried and started wiping his face off more frantically.

"Hey!" a new voice said, "What are you two doing back here?" The voice was a random fairy in a zoo uniform.

"Following Wilson," Anti-Wanda said. "It was Anti-Cosmo's idea."

"I got dirty bright orange creature saliva on me!" Anti-Cosmo complained to the fairy.

The zoo employee signed. "Freaking anti-fairies. Where are your parents and/or guardians?"

"Um, Ms. Teacher is our current guardian. She's a fairy and is probably boredly floating next to a really bright yellow elf," Anti-Cosmo said, calming down slightly.

"Oh, I know who you're talking about," the fairy said and razed his wand.

"No, wait!" Anti-Cosmo started, but the fairy wasn't listening.

Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda appeared in front of Ms. Magister and Maria. The anti-fairies started coughing because of the fairy magic. Anti-Cosmo coughed more violently since he's younger.

"Ooo, someone got in trooooubllllle," Ms. Magister said, but in a still incredibly bored tone.

"I found Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda. They are my favorite. Just like the alphabet," Maria said.

"I suddenly hate it here. Can we go home now?" Anti-Cosmo complained after he stopped coughing.

"I hate it here too. It's boring," Anti-Wanda said.

"But the luck twins aren't back yet," Ms. Magister said.

As if it was cued, the leprechaun twins ran up to them covered in see-through purple goo. Dillan was smiling but Blaine looked terrified. "We should probably go now," Blaine said.

'This place is fun,' Dillan signed.

Ms. Magister poofed the goo off the twins.

"Well, it's four against two at the least," Ms. Magister said and flicked her wand. They were all transported to room 720 in a gray cloud.

"Your field trip has come to an end," the pixie from earlier said then disappeared in a gray cloud.

"So what did you guys learn today?" Ms. Magister asked.

"I learned that zoos are boring and animals are evil," Blaine said.

"I learned that the new, even the most important," Anti-Cosmo said.

"What?" Ms. Magister questioned.

"I didn't say anything," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Okay then. I suddenly got reminded I don't care what you learned. Play around with the stuff here until school ends," Ms. Magister said and left the children alone. Maria grabbed a book on animals off the shelf and started reading it, Dillan and Blaine grabbed random toys off the shelves, and Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda floated into a corner and talked.

The five of them stayed like that for a couple of hours. Nobody really paid attention to the anti-fairies until Anti-Wanda tiptoed across the floor instead of flying and stole Dillan's leprechaun hat then ran back to the corner with Anti-Cosmo. Dillan looked at them confused.

"Wait, what just happened?" Blaine asked.

Nobody answered Blaine, but Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda were laughing like crazy.

"Quick, find a light source!" Anti-Wanda said.

"How dare you question my authority?" Anti-Cosmo said with a questioning tone of voice.

"Are they playing a weird sort of game?" Blaine asked.

"I don't know," Ms. Magister said. It was the first time in hours she paid attention to any of the children.

"We need to save the whales," Anti-Wanda said, emphasizing the word 'the'.

"Never! They're all made of cheese and regret. We need to save the bees," Anti-Cosmo replied.

"Are they okay?" Blaine asked. "I mean, I know they're anti-fairies, and those guys are weird, but they've never done this before."

"Yeah, you're right. Anti-Cosmo, Anti-Wanda, go to the nurse's office," Ms. Magister said.

Anti-Cosmo signed. "Why is it that every time disaster strikes, I find myself without a propeller blade?" he asked.

"It's because lies are like fake truths," Anti-Wanda replied.

"Are you calling me a liar?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Well I ain't callin' you a truther!" Anti-Wanda said.

Anti-Cosmo glared at Anti-Wanda. "No one makes me bleed my own blood," he said threateningly.

"Can't touch this!" Anti-Wanda yelled and started running around in circles.

Ms. Magister grabbed both of the anti-fairies by the collar of their uniforms and lifted them off the floor, since neither one was flying.

"NO! GET AWAY FROM MY JELLY!" Anti-Cosmo yelled and started squirming.

Ms. Magister signed. "You guys got poisoned at the zoo, didn't you?"

"They got poisoned at the zoo," The school nurse said. He was a fairy with flat black hair and blue eyes, a yellow floating crown, and blue wings.

"Oh great," Ms. Magister said sarcastically. "When will they be not completely insane?"

"Well, since they're so young," The nurse started, but he was cut off by a dark blue poof.

"Anti-Wanda, is she okay? Where is she? Is it that Anti-Cosmo's fault?" Anti-Blonda asked frantically.

"Um, well, she's-" The nurse started, but was cut off again by a dark blue poof.

"I heard Anti-Wanda was in the nurse's office, is Anti-Cosmo here?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"Well, he, they-" the nurse started.

"Anti-Cosmo?" Anti-Blonda said, sounding offended. "That little green eyed demon is dragging my Anti-Wanda into bad situations."

"O-okay, I'm sorry for mentioning him. Please don't hurt me. I'll leave now," Anti-Schnozmo said and raised his wand. Ms. Magister took it from him.

"You're Anti-Cosmo's wuss brother with a freakishly small nose right?" She asked. He nodded. "And you're Anti-Wanda's twin sister that she wouldn't shut up about until Anti-Cosmo came to school, right?"

Anti-Blonda didn't see the teacher there before so she started getting nervous. "U-um, y-yes. Anti-Blonda," She said.

"Good," Ms. Magister said, "I have a class to run, or something, and you have siblings to fix. Now stop cutting off nurse what's-his-face and actually learn what to do." Without giving time for any sort of reply, she poofed out and let Anti-Schnozmo's wand fall to the ground. He picked it up and then both the anti-teen's attention were on the nurse.

"I have a name you know," He mummbled, then looked at the anti-teens. "Anyways, both of your siblings have a weird disease they got from the field trip to the zoo earlier today."

"What's wrong with them?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"Well, you see," the nurse started but was interrupted by a blue poof once again. This time it was Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda.

Their usually bright green and pink eyes had blood red splotches all over them. They were also standing on the ground and their hands holding their rattles were shaking. They both had huge smiles on their faces.

Anti-Blonda gasped in surprise at the sight of her sister like that. "Anti-Cosmo, what happened?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"My name is Anti-Cosmo, but you can call me tomorrow," Anti-Cosmo said, but his voice sounded weird. His accent was slightly less british and he was hissing the 'S'es and making the 'C's much more prominent than usual.

"W-was that a pick up line?" Anti-Schnozmo questioned.

"Anyone in the mood for A LOAD of chicken?!" Anti-Wanda asked, then giggled. Her voice was off too. She sounded less southern and was slurring everything together.

"H-how do we fix this?" Anti-Blonda asked.

The nurse poofed the two younger anti-fairies back into the room that they were previously in, but didn't poof away their rattles so they fell to the ground. "I need to stay here and keep their symptoms as low down as I can get. You guys need to get the cure together. And fast. They probably have about a fifth of an earth's rotation before they get stuck in a crazy state forever." (A Fifth of an earth's rotation is about five hours)

"A FIFTH!?" both siblings questioned in unison.

"Yup," the nurse confirmed. He poofed a list into the teens' hands. "Now go find that stuff," He said and poofed away.

Both teens looked at the list in their hands. "We need DNA from the creature that infected them," Anti-Schnozmo said, "We should go to the zoo they went to and get some from the creature."

"Okay," Anti-Blonda agreed in a small voice.

Anti-Schnozmo could tell she was taking the whole situation worse than he was, so as much as he hated it, he had to be the leader. "I'll go find out which zoo they went to," He said and poofed away. A couple minutes later he poofed Anti-Blonda to Zim Zoo with him. "Okay, so it's a big zoo. Ms. Teacher, as Anti-Cosmo calls her, said that they went this way together, so maybe we should go this way."

"Okay."

"Okay," Anti-Schnozmo said. Anti-Blonda's single word answers were sort of starting to creep Anti-Schnozmo out, but he ignored it and flew in the direction his sibling went before with Anti-Blonda close behind. They stopped at the first animal cage, a fairy dog, who was currently sleeping. "Do you think Anti-Wanda would be um," Anti-Schnozmo looked at the paper the nurse gave them, "Licked, or came in contact with the saliva/DNA of this creature?"

"I don't know," Anti-Blonda said, "And it's you're sibling who's a bad role model. He's the one that got them both doomed."

"Okay, you're right, I'm sorry I thought otherwise," Anti-Schnozmo said and kept flying.

Anti-Blonda's immense fear for her sister's fate was lessened slightly as she thought about how unneeded and rehearsed Anti-Schnozmo's apology was. She knows from sharing the same class as him that he's a pushover, but she didn't really know the extent of it.

They stopped in front of the Allocamelus cage next. There was a tour guide in front of it who was the same fairy worker that caught Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda earlier. "This is the Allocamelus," the tour guide fairy said, "or asscamel, if you will. It's half camel, half ass, or donkey. And- hey aren't you the girl from earlier that was hanging out in the back? When did you change your uniform to black? And where'd that weird green eyed one go?"

"You saw Anti-Wanda hanging out in the back? Which cage was she closest to?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"Um, could you please tell us everything you know?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

After a bit of explaining, the fairy told them everything that he knew and filed a report to get the Karakasa-Obake checked out.

"I knew it was your brother's fault. He was the one who was covered in spit and he's the one that somehow infected Anti-Wanda," Anti-Blonda said as they were floating to the cage of the Karakasa-Obake.

"The disease is transferred through spit. Maybe they made out," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled almost inaudibly.

"What did you say?" Anti-Blonda asked out of actual curiosity.

"Nothing, sorry, you're right, Anti-Cosmo is the worst thing in the universe and I'm sorry I'm related to him," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Y-you're weird,' Anti-Blonda mumbled.

"I'll try not to be from now on."

"Kay," Anti-Blonda said. They got to the cage, which was now empty. They poofed through the wall and saw the chunk of the tongue lying motionless on the floor. Anti-Schnozmo poofed it into a stereotypical giant witch cauldron, then poofed that to the school's nurses office. He looked for what was next on the list.

About four and a half hours later, they got everything on the list into the giant cauldron. Everything except two.

"Oh," Anti-Schnozmo said, "These last two are on Earth."

"What are they?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"The head of a recently killed dragon, and a lock of hair from a girl who just their first kiss 10 minutes previous."

"That's awfully specific," Anti-Blonda said.

"Indeed it is," Anti-Schnozmo agreed. "And since it's not Friday the thirteenth, we probably need to combine our magic."

"What do you mean 'combine our magic'?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"It's something Anti-Cosmo found out. When he and Anti-Wanda both use their magic for the same thing, it makes their magic combine and it makes their special needs rattles slightly less completely useless."

"Oh, that's smart. Okay then. Where do we poof too?"

"There's a place that Mother complains about having to go to every Friday the thirteenth. It's called 'Ye Old Dimmsdale' I think. She said she disagreed with a child, who was also the daughter of the chief, and she made them a giant castle and dragon to guard it."

"That is also awfully specific. Why would your mom do that?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"She's weird and evil. Believe me, that's not the worst thing she's ever done."

"O-okay. I guess we should go to Ye Old Dimmsdale."

"Yeah," Anti-Schnozmo said and raised his wand. Anti-Blonda did the same and they poofed to Ye Old Dimmsdale.

The second they arrived, a dragon roared directly behind them.

"Not good," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled. Both anti-fairies turned around to be face to face with a giant dragon. It was as big as the twenty story castle behind it and it's thousands of scales were dark red.

"Do they sense fear, or is that dinosaurs. Do you stab them in the eye? No, that's a cyclops. What the heck do you do with a dragon?!" Anti-Blonda asked as the deep green eyes of the dragon looked over them.

"Dragons are most weak at their fire glands, found inside of the neck. If one was to block off both fire glands, the dragon would lose the ability to breathe fire, and breath in general," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"You sure?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"I had to write it twelve times because other kids always make me do their homework. Of course, any suggestion of mine is stupid and worthless, so any idea you have would be infinitely better than mine."

Anti-Blonda would have said something, but she was too off-put by the enormous eyes staring right at her. "W-we should p-poof into the throat and kill it," Anti-Blonda said.

"Can't. A dragon's scales and teeth are magic proof, so it's impossible to poof into one. Also, it's impossible to fly inside parts of a dragon, such as its stomach," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Then we should, umm," Anti-Blonda started, but then the dragon began moving, making her freeze completely. The dragon grabbed both anti-children, one for each of its claw like hands. It narrowed its eyes at Anti-Schnozmo.

"Are you the least terrible son of Anti-Cosma?" It asked with a deep grumbly voice.

"I-I, um, yes?" Anti-Schnozmo replied.

"The children of Anti-Cosma go to the castle," it said and threw Anti-Schnozmo as hard as it could into the castle behind them. He crashed through one of the walls, making a small hole, but because he was immortal he wasn't seriously hurt.

The dragon turned its attention to Anti-Blonda. She stared at him completely frozen. The dragon smiled and plopped Anti-Blonda into its mouth, then it closed its teeth making her unable to escape.

"I'm so dead," Anti-Blonda mumbled as she looked around the inside of the mouth.

"That was painful," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled as he floated out of the wall rubble. Suddenly, the wall rebuilt itself. "What? Why?" he asked, not expecting an answer.

"Is someone there?" A female voice asked from a room right next to the one he was in. The voice sounded nothing like Anti-Blonda, so Anti-Schnozmo's first reaction was to scream and try to poof to his room. When he tried, his wand cued over and the tip turned dark brown.

"No, don't do this to me," Anti-Schnozmo complained to his wand. He flicked it to its original shape and color and he saw the door start to open. A teenage human girl walked out of the door. She had somewhat dark skin, which was normal for people living on that continent at the time, and she had somewhat short brown hair that looked like it was cut herself and blue eyes.

She started looking around the room as Anti-Schnozmo held onto his wand and floated there, hoping the girl wouldn't attack him just because he was an anti-fairy. "Is anybody here? I heard you scream." the girl said.

Anti-Schnozmo and the girl locked eyes, but then she still looked around.

"A-are you blind?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

The girl scoffed. "No. I don't even know what a blind is."

"It means you can't see," he said.

"I can see fine, stop hiding. I just want a way out of here."

"Okay, I'll try," Anti-Schnozmo said, then something dawned on him. Humans can't see anti-fairies, so he had to not be an anti-fairy. "Close your eyes and I'll stop hiding."

The girl looked confused, but she closed her eyes anyway. Anti-Schnozmo poofed into a human form. He looked pretty much the same, but his body was proportioned to be like a teenaged human. His hair went from navy blue to black and his skin turned peach like a fairy's. He made his wand disappear. "Y-you can open your eyes now, if you want too," he said.

She did and smiled at him. "Hi, I'm Tanis, daughter of Chief Turner. I was trapped in the prison for may suns, and I need out." She said.

"I need a chunk your hair after we exchange saliva," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"What?" Tanis questioned.

"You're right, that was a stupid request, I'll leave now," Anti-Schnozmo quickly responded. He started to walk to a door when Tanis stopped him.

"Wait, I'll do whatever you want as long as it gets me out of this torture chamber," She said.

"Okay," Anti-Schnozmo said. He really didn't want the girl to escape, because his mom would yell at him, or not care in the slightest. It was about a 50 50 chance that his mom completely forgot about the young princess. He could, of course, leave her and take her hair, but that would be a terrible thing to do. The possibility of running far and fast didn't look like such a bad idea. A completely insane brother might not be too bad. Then again, Anti-Cosmo is basically the only person that talks to him for reasons other than making him do their work for them.

"Are you going to do something?" Tanis asked, breaking Anti-Schnozmo's train of thought.

"Um, maybe," he said.

"Hurry up, I want to escape already."

"Okay," Anti-Schnozmo said and kissed her.

Tanis smiled once they stopped. "That was actually kind of nice," she said.

Anti-Schnozmo poofed up something sharp behind his back and cut off a small piece of Tanis's hair, and poofed it away behind his back.

"Let's go now," Tanis said.

"Okay, close your eyes," Schnozmo said.

Tanis closed her eyes and Anti-Schnozmo made his wand appear in his hand. He tried to poof the girl back to her village, but his wand tip went brown and limp again. "I really hate it when you do that," Anti-Schnozmo told his wand.

"What?"

"N-nothing," Anti-Schnozmo lied, "Just keep your eyes closed." He assumed the wall rebuild itself because his mom put a curse on the building, making humans unable to be poofed out. 'I could walk her out of here,' Anti-Schnozmo thought, 'it should be Mother's basic giant-castle-torture-chamber design. But then again…'

Anti-Schnozmo raised his wand and poofed himself out off the castle. '...there's nothing against anti-fairies being able to poof out.' He made himself look like he usually does, then he made eye contact with the dragon, who still had its head attached to his body.

"Where's Anti-Blonda?" Anti-Schnozmo asked. The dragon pointed at his mouth. ANti-Schnozmo sighed. "Can I join her?" He asked. The dragon shook his head no. "Can I talk to her?" The dragon shrugged in response and opened its lips so Anti-Schnozmo and Anti-Blonda could talk through its teeth.

"Why haven't you illed-kay the agon-day yet?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"What?" Anti-Blonda asked. It sounded like she was crying.

Anti-Schnozmo rolled his eyes. "Do you even pay attention in class?"

"No, I don't. School is stupid and I only go so I don't get questioned by my parents. Where were you this whole time anyway?"

"I was getting the second to last ingredient, then abandoned a human. Why haven't you done anything?"

"I'm inside of a dragon's mouth!" Anti-Blonda complained, "If I go to its throat, what if it swallows and I get stuck in its stomach to be imprisoned forever?"

"What if you don't and Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda to be crazy forever?"

Anti-Blonda whined, but she finally stopped floating near the teeth and went into the throat. "I hate this," Anti-Blonda complained as she approached a pair of holes. Both had a diameter of about half the size of the anti-teen. She poofed up two giant rubber spiders, because she couldn't think of anything better, and she plugged the hole closer to her with one of the spiders. The dragon yelled, which vibrated the air around Anti-Blonda. In fear, she quickly plugged the other hole and flew out of the now open mouth.

"Wow, I can't believe you actually listened to me. Thank you," Anti-Schnozmo said once they reunited.

"U-um, y-you're welcome?" Anti-Blonda said kind of unsurely.

The dragon was obviously dying. It was trying to scream, but couldn't with its airways closed. It fell over, destroying half of the castle-like prison behind it, and died. With the dragon no longer being alive, the magic proof scales lost their powers. Anti-Schnozmo poofed away just the head, decapitating it.

"We should go back to the school," Anti-Blonda said.

"Okay," Anti-Schnozmo agreed. They both raised their wands and poofed back to the school.

Unnoticed by the anti-teens, the castle wasn't rebuilding itself, the dragon corpse was in the way, making a giant hole in half of the prison.

"You know, when I said you had a fifth of a solar cycle, I didn't mean take your sweet time and use up the whole fifth," the nurse said.

"But we got everything in time right?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"Yes. You were barely in time, but they'll be fine," the nurse said.

Anti-Cosmo poofed out of the room he was in and look confused. He looked like he was back to normal. "Wasn't I just at the zoo? Did I do something stupid again? Does mum know? Where's Anti-Wanda?" He asked frantically.

Anti-Wanda poofed next to him. She looked normal too. "I like following people," She said.

Anti-Blonda hugged her twin sister. "Anti-Wanda I'm so glad you're okay," she said.

"Why?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Dang it, I did do something stupid," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

"Well, it was more of you and Anti-Wanda had a team effort of stupidity," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Sounds likely enough," Anti-Cosmo said and raised his rattle.

"What are you doing?" Anti-Schnozmo asked his brother.

"Poofing back to class. I have important nothingness to get caught up on."

"Oh, the school's rotation ended, like, one twenty-fifth of an earth's rotation ago." (One hourish)

"Wait, schools over?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Yup! Bye bad-influences," Anti-Blonda said and poofed away in a blue cloud saying 'there's no place like home'.

"I don't think Anti-Wanda's sister likes us. Did you be a wuss around her?"

"Well, yeah, but it's also because you've dragged her sister into a somewhat dangerous situation three times now."

"Hey, taking over the school, going to fairy world, and whatever stupid thing I did today didn't really do any long term damage, now did it," Anti-Cosmo said and raised his rattle.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Anti-Schnozmo said and raised his wand too. They poofed back home together.

Back on earth, a teenage human girl was climbing down the decapitated dragon's corpse. She looked furious. "I'll show that small nosed freak what happens when you break promises with the daughter of the chief!"

Chapter Text

"Alrighty class, most of the time us special needs classes are safe from whatever stupid thing the other classes are doing, like electing class presidents on the first day. That's a real stupid one. But anyway, today we're forced to conform with the rest of the school and send letters to your future selves," Ms. Magister explained with the words appearing above her head. She poofed a giant gray cube with a hole in the middle that was just big enough for a young teenaged fairy to fit through onto the floor. She flipped a switch and the hole got a blue white and red rotating spiral with white stars rotating the other way on top of it.

Anti-Cosmo raised his hand and Ms. Magister groaned. "If you're going to ask 'How are we going to send letters to our future selves if we're illiterate,' then I'll shove my wand down your throat," she said, doing a bad impression of Anti-Cosmo's high pitch british voice in the middle.

Anti-Cosmo lowered his hand.

"Wait, what was your question going to be?" Anti-Wanda asked Anti-Cosmo with genuine curiosity.

"Nothing important," Anti-Cosmo answered.

"Oh, okay. Which letter are you going to send? I'm going to send the letter four," Anti-Wanda said.

"Four's a number, not a letter," Blaine corrected.

"Also wrong kind of letter," Anti-Cosmo explained, "You're using the first definition: a character representing one or more of the sounds used in speech; any of the symbols of an alphabet, although it's actually the second definition: a written communication, especially one sent in an envelope by mail or messenger."

"What?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Explain the concept later," Ms. Magister said and handed a piece of paper to all five of the children, "This is a special paper that when you talk into it writes itself. Dillan, Maria, you can use it as normal paper."

Dillan gives a head nod and thumbs up in reply, but Maria already grabbed a feather and ink and was writing in fairly neat handwriting for someone as young as her.

"Okay, start I guess," Ms. Magister said and poofed to behind her desk. Dillan and Blaine started writing and whispering their letters to their future selves. Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda went to a wall decently far away from everyone.

"We should go to the future," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Why?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Well, I want to see if I took over the universe or not. And I want to steal a real wand that actually functions properly, and will have advanced future super magic too," Anti-Cosmo explained.

"Will the future have fancy candy?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Probably."

"Okay, let's go after we make our letters," Anti-Wanda said.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "Fine. We can finish the letters first."

A couple minutes passed then the young anti-fairies floated up to Ms. Magister.

"We finished our letters," Anti-Cosmo said, "is there anything specific we need to do to not completely destroy it when it goes through the teleporter?"

"No. There's not a 'destroy' button on it. Just throw the letters in," she replied.

Anti-Cosmo smiled evilly. "Perfect," he whispered, then grabbed Anti-Wanda's hand that wasn't holding her letter. Together they ran through the time teleporter and disappeared.

"Yes, Anti-Wanda and Anti-Cosmo will come back," Maria said.

Ms. Magister ignored Maria and look at the time teleporter. "If they get me fired, I'm suing," She said.

"Okay class!" an upbeat fairy teacher exclaimed as she stood in front of a chalk board. "As class present, Poof will be in charge of the class for the rest of the day!"

All the students cheered except for two. One was a circular fairy baby with purple eyes and one strand of curling dark purple hair. He was wearing the normal black uniform for spellementary school. Instead of cheering, the fairy child was smiling modestly. The second student not cheering was a dark blue skinned anti-fairy, and he was glaring at the fairy in anger. The anti-fairy had the same purple eyes as the fairy, but also a small, pointy black moustache and goatee, and a single dark blue strand of hair on the top of his head.

The purple based fairy floated out of his chair and went to the front of the class. "Thank you Ms. Powers," he said, then turned to the class. "Because I'm in charge of the class, I say that it's free time for the rest of the day!" the fairy, presumably named Poof, said, then he floated back to his seat.

The class, except for the same two, cheered again.

The anti-fairy glared at Poof. "I despise you," he said. He had a somewhat deep british accent.

"Okay," Poof responded. It was obvious that he already knew that. Suddenly, a portal like thing with blue, white, and red rotating spiral with white stars rotating the other way appeared at the front of the class. The students stared at it in confusion, then two young human shaped anti-fairies fell out. Each one was holding a paper in one hand and a bright blue rattle in the other. Both wore bright blue uniforms that looked like they belonged to the school. They looked around with their green and pink eyes. The square anti-fairy's jaw dropped at the sight of them.

"Wow," the pink eyed one, Anti-Wanda, said. "It's the future!"

The green eyed one, Anti-Cosmo, pointed a finger at Poof. "You," he said, "Roughly how many Earth solar cycles has it been since the beginning?"

"What?" Poof asked.

"Oh my, are you two from the past?" the fairy teacher, Ms. Powers, asked.

"What's a past?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Indeed we are from the past!" Anti-Cosmo said dramatically. "I am Anti-Cosmo, and this is Anti-Wanda. I wish to know if I own you all yet, so where is my old self?"

"Um, Foop, this seems like a you sort of problem," Ms. Powers said, talking the the square anti-fairy. "If Poof allows it, you can take the day off to handle this."

"I allow it," Poof said.

The purple eyed anti-fairy, Foop, was too awestruck by the young anti-fairies in front of him that he didn't say a witty comeback. "Okay," he said instead, then he razed his magic bottle and poof the two anti-fairies and himself outside of the school.

"An anti-fairy! There was more!" Anti-Wanda exclaimed.

"He's a square, so his counterpart must have been made by magical means," Anti-Cosmo said.

"What are you two doing? You can't just barge into my class like that to… What are you even trying to do?" Foop scolded them.

"Anti-Cosmo, I don't understand," Anti-Wanda said, "What's he talking about."

Anti-Cosmo looked at Foop. "Foop, is it? That's a stupid name. I'm guessing you're Poof's opposite, but who makes their child's name their counterpart's name backwards? It's vacuous!"

Foop crossed his stubby arms. "Are you done?" he asked.

"Yeah, but your name is really foolish. Who ever thought of it should be ashamed. Anyway, why are we your 'sort of problem'? Is it just anti-fairy racism?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Foop rolled his eyes. "Stop pretending, " he said.

"But we aren't pretending anything. Right?" Anti-Wanda said.

"So you're saying if I call you right now, you'll answer in your 'grown up voice'?" Foop asked.

"Yeah, but only if our adult selves are in yelling distance," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Let's see about that," Foop said and pulled out a dark blue cell phone.

"What's that?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"How's a dark blue thing going to put us in earshot?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Foop rolled his eyes again as the phone rung. To his surprise, someone actually answered.

"Why are you calling me? I'm in the middle of planning universal domination and you should be in the middle of intense learning. This better be life or death," an angry sounding male british voice said through the phone.

"Wait… but you… where's Mother?" Foop asked.

"What's he doing?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"No idea," Anti-Cosmo replied.

Through the phone, a female southern voice said, "Hey sugar plum! Your father doesn't like you calling during the meetings. Bye!"

"No, wait!" Foop yelled into the phone.

"Is he crazy?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Probably," Anti-Cosmo replied.

"Why should we wait?" the male British voice asked.

"Listen to this," Foop said and held the phone in front of Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda. He put it on speaker. "Say something."

"I'm not going to talk to a blue rectangle you schizophrenic weirdo," Anti-Cosmo said.

"It looks fancy on this side. What do all those buttons do?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Foop, who are they?" the male British voice asked.

"Wow, a voice. Hi voice!" Anti-Wanda said.

Anti-Cosmo pointed his rattle at Foop threateningly. "How are you doing that?" he asked. Foop ignored him.

"Wait, is that…?" the female southern one asked, trailing off.

"Maybe," the British voice responded.

"I'm Anti-Wanda. Anti-Cosmo, say your name to the voices," Anti-Wanda said.

"Oh, it must be fancy voice projecting future technology," Anti-Cosmo realized. "Who are the voices though? Is the deeper one me? How does a little baby like you get me on the fancy future device? Did I become famous or not?"

"Foop, where are you three?" the male voice asked.

"In front of the school," Foop answered.

"Keep them occupied. We'll be there soon," the male voice said, then hung up.

"That is me, isn't it?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"If we're Anti-Wanda and Anti-Cosmo, and we meet old Anti-Wanda and Anti-Cosmo, what would I call myself?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"That's actually a pretty good question," Anti-Cosmo said.

Foop smiled evilly, and it looked a lot like Anti-Cosmo's evil smile. "Maybe we should call you two Omsoc and Adnaw," he said.

"I will never be called that," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I like it!" Anti-Wanda said. "Omsoc, we should call ourselves that!"

Anti-Cosmo looked at Anti-Wanda and smiled. "Okay Adnaw," he said, then glared at Foop. "You're lucky my magic is too weak to kill you."

Foop started laughing maniacally. A dark blue poof happened behind Foop and a black starred wand hit him on his square head.

"Don't laugh at young us," the male British voice said. The voice belonged to a somewhat average looking anti-fairy. He had a blue fancy suit on and had dark blue spiky hair. Instead of a black crown, he had a blue and black bowler hat. He also had two white fangs and a monocle over his right bright green eye.

"Wow! We were so short when we were young!" the female southern voice said. She relatively looked like a normal anti-fairy too. She had big crooked teeth, dark blue swirly hair, pink eyes, and a dark blue shirt on.

"Hi there strangers! I'm Adnaw and this is Omsoc. Do you know where our old selves are?" Anti-Wanda asked.

The British accented adult glared at Foop. "Really, Omsoc and Adnaw. Very creative," he said sarcastically.

"Hey they were making fun of my name!" Foop complained.

"It's a stupid name," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Shut up," Foop said.

Anti-Cosmo pointed to the british male. "Older me, what is Foop's relationship to us and why haven't we killed him yet?"

The british male, older Anti-Cosmo, smiled slightly. "He's just a weird kid I can't get rid of for the life of me. Trust me, I would kill him if I could."

The southern female, most likely older Anti-Wanda, laughed. The young Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda didn't get what was so funny.

Foop rolled his eyes. "Real mature Father," he said.

Anti-Cosmo put two and two together, but Anti-Wanda didn't. "Who's your father?" she asked.

"I have a child! I don't want a child! Especially not this stupid cube of evil!" Anti-Cosmo cried.

Older Anti-Cosmo chuckled. "We were cute kids, weren't we."

"Yup," Older Anti-Wanda said.

"You were terrible kids from what I gather," Foop remarked.

"Ooh, Foop's my son!" Anti-Wanda finally released.

"No, he's my son," Anti-Cosmo corrected.

"He's both your guy's son," older Anti-Cosmo said.

"No, no, no, no, no," Anti-Cosmo protested, "We can't be together! It's bad enough I have a child! Anti-Wanda and I are just really good friends!"

Anti-Wanda got excited. "We get married! That's wonderful!"

"I'll never get married!" Anti-Cosmo complained.

As young Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda argue whether or not they'll ever marry, Foop looks at his parents. "Why did you come here as children? Was it just to torment me?"

"I don't remember," older Anti-Wanda said.

"Neither do I. Either we're rewriting time, which is unlikely, or we get our memories wiped after this," older Anti-Cosmo explained.

"So, it just happens to torment me. Good to know," Foop said.

Unnoticed by the future anti-fairies, the past ones stopped arguing and started scheming.

"What does torment mean?" older Anti-Wanda asked.

"Torture," older Anti-Cosmo answered.

"Oh. Sweety, we would never want to torture you," older Anti-Wanda said.

"Young us didn't even know you existed until now, if you couldn't figure that out yet," Older Anti-Cosmo said. Just then, his wand was stolen from his hand.

Young Anti-Cosmo laughed. "I have the power now! Anti-Binky will stand in my way no longer!" he exclaimed.

"Anti-Binky?" Foop questioned. "Who's that?"

"The old ruler of Anti-Fairy World," older Anti-Wanda said.

"Old? Who's the new one?" young Anti-Cosmo asked.

"You probably shouldn't know that yet," older Anti-Cosmo said. He took his wand back with relieve eas.

"So, Father, what are we going to do with them?" Foop asked.

"Take them to the castle, and don't tell them who the actual leader of Anti-Fairy World is," older Anti-Cosmo said. He told Foop the last part quietly so the past anti-fairies couldn't hear.

"What are you and Mother going to do?" Foop asked.

"We'll find a way to get our young selfs back to their time period," He answered.

"Good luck with that," Foop said and raised his bottle to poof him and the past anti-fairies to the castle.

"One more thing," Older Anti-Cosmo said just before Foop poofed away, "don't take your eyes off them and don't let them touch your wand."

"I'm not your counterpart Father, I can handle a couple of children for a few minutes," Foop said then proceeded to poof him and his future parents away, leaving older Anti-Cosmo and older Anti-Wanda in front of the school.

"So what are we gonna do now?" Older Anti-Wanda asked.

"We'll devise a plan on how to procure the thing that brought us here," older Anti-Cosmo said.

"What?" Anti-Wanda questioned.

"We'll find and get what sent young us here," Anti-Cosmo restated in easier to understand words.

"Oh, okay. So what do we do?"

The anti-fairy adults started strategizing on how to obtain the time teleporter.

Foop, Anti-Cosmo, and Anti-Wanda poofed into the older Anti-Cosmo's castle.

"Where are we?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Your future house," Foop said.

"It's large," Anti-Cosmo said, "are we rich or something?"

"No, this is an average sized house in the future," Foop lied. "Now, you know how to play hide and seek, right?"

"Nope," Anti-Wanda said.

"Never heard of it," Anti-Cosmo said simultaneously.

Foop sighed. "Well, it's where people hide, and one person seeks them. The point is to not be found first. It's supposed to be fun. I'll seek, you hide. Try to hide in a place I won't find you, but no cheating so stay inside the house and no wands," Foop explained and took their rattles.

"It's not like we could go very far with them," Anti-Cosmo remarked.

"Come on Anti-Cosmo, let's go hide," Anti-Wanda said. Anti-Cosmo was glad that she forgot about the backwards name thing and followed her through the castle. They hid together, not really understanding the point of hide and go seek, and waited.

Foop poofed a comic book up. "Here I come," Foop lied as he poofed up a black lounging chair and started reading the comic.

Sometime later, spellementary school got released, and Poof went to a house on Earth.

Inside the room was a fish bowl with two goldfish instead and a ten-year-old boy with a pink shirt and hat that was sitting at a desk trying, and failing, to do math homework.

"The strangest thing happened at school today," Poof said. The two goldfish poofed out of the bowl and became two full grown fairies. One had green spiky hair and green eyes. He also had a white shirt with a black tie. The other had a yellow shirt and bright pink eyes and swirly pink hair. They both had yellow crowns, blue insect-like wings, and yellow starred wands in their hands. They were paying attention to Poof. The boy stopped trying to do homework and paid attention to the fairy baby too.

"So I was in class and a portal-like thing opened, then Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda came out of it as children.

"Wait, what? How did that happen? Why did that happen?" the human child questioned.

"Poof, are you okay? They didn't hurt you, right?" The pink haired fairy asked.

"Yes Mom, I'm fine. They didn't really do much. Anti-Cosmo was mostly just talking a lot."

"Maybe we should go ask them why they're here," the green haired fairy suggested.

"Good idea Cosmo," the boy said.

"Good idea?" the three fairies questioned.

"How is that a good idea?" the pink haired fairy asked.

"Maybe if we make Anti-Cosmo not so evil from when he was young, he wouldn't be a threat now!" the boy said.

"That's a great idea Timmy," the green haired fairy, Cosmo, said.

"That's a terrible idea Timmy!" the pink haired fairy said. "Messing with the past could lead to horrific side effects in present day."

"Don't worry so much Wanda," the boy, Timmy, said. "I wish the young Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda were in my room!"

Poof and the pink haired fairy, or Wanda, exchanged worried glances as they razed their wand and rattle. Cosmo smiled excitedly as he razed his. All three glowed bright yellow and a pink cloud appeared. When it dematerialized not long after, two baby anti-fairies were coughing on the floor.

"Okay, so the school got out. Now we go demand to know where the time thing is," older Anti-Cosmo explained.

Older Anti-Wanda gave her husband a thumbs up and a smile. They both raised their black wands which then started glowing blue. They poofed into the principal's office where principal Elaine Meyers was sitting behind a desk. She smiled. "What graces us with your presents Anti-Cosmo? I don't think Foop is in trouble today."

"I demand to know where you keep a time-traveling device," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Yeah!" Anti-Wanda agreed.

"What do you mean?" Elaine asked.

"You know, the portal thing. Approximately the size of an 80-year-old anti-fairy. I remember hating it, so it was brightly colored," Anti-Cosmo said.

"The time teleporter? We haven't used that in centuries. I think Benes was the last one to actually think that was a good idea. It's probably in the supply closet," Elaine said.

"To the supply closet!" Anti-Wanda exclaimed and poofed them both out of the principal's office and in front of the supply closet.

With his wand Anti-Cosmo found the old time teleporter and poofed it in front of him and Anti-Wanda. "You know, adventures were more exciting as children. This was a bit anticlimactic," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Yeah," Anti-Wanda agreed, although she didn't know what anticlimactic ment.

"Well, we should send our young selfs home then," Anti-Cosmo said and raised his wand. Anti-Wanda did the same and they poofed to the castle with the time teleporter.

After Foop heard a poof behind him, he immediately got rid of the chair and comic. "Welcome back, did you find the time traveling device?" Foop asked, trying to sound innocent.

"Where are our young selfs?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Foop laughed nervously, since he wasn't supposed to take his eyes off them. He didn't expect his parents to be finished so quickly. "We're playing hide and seek. It was their idea," Foop lied.

"Hide and seek didn't exist when we were that young. What really happened?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Okay, so maybe I initiated the game, but they're somewhere inside the castle. I took their wands away," Foop said.

"It's not like they could go very far with them," Anti-Cosmo said.

"We should go find us," Anti-Wanda suggest.

"Foop, go find them. It's your fault that they're hiding anyway," Anti-Cosmo said.

Foop mumbled complaints, be he still started floating around the house to find his young parents

"What are they doing?" Timmy asked. He was watching the anti-children coughing on the floor from the fairy magic.

"I dunno," Cosmo said.

"Could it be our magic?" Wanda questioned. She vaguely remembered something about anti-children not liking fairy magic.

"Probably not. Foop seems fine with fairy magic," Poof said.

"That's because he was made from magic you dunce," Anti-Cosmo said, sounding annoyed.

"Well, he's definitely Anti-Cosmo," Wanda said.

"Am I definitely Anti-Wanda?" Anti-Wanda asked. Everyone ignored her.

"Wait, but he's short," Cosmo said "Anti-Cosmo's not short, I think."

"Also, where's his monocle? And teeth?" Timmy asked. "And why is Anti-Wanda so much bigger?"

"He's really young. Maybe he hasn't gotten teeth or a monocle yet," Poof said.

"And I'm about 80 years older than Cosmo you know," Wanda said.

"Yup, I've always been the young stupid one," Cosmo said.

Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Yeah, you're the young and 'stupid' one," he said using air quotes around the word stupid. Him and Anti-Wanda where floating close to the nightstand that used to have a fish tank on it. Water, sand, and a castle were all over the floor and the now empty fish tank was on Anti-Wanda's head.

Timmy, Wanda, Cosmo, and Poof started laughing. Anti-Wanda started laughing too, but stopped to say "I don't get it."

Poof stopped laughing first. "Sorry, it just sounded like you were calling dad smart. That's just really funny."

"Kay then," Anti-Cosmo said and took the bowl off Anti-Wanda's head. "I assume that you are future Cosmo, Wanda, and their godchild, also Foop's opposite, so you should be tolerable, but why did you bring us here?"

"Yeah, we were in an exciting game of hide and look, or something. I was winning," Anti-Wanda said.

"Oh, yeah, we were going to make you a good person while you're young so you won't be evil when you're older," Timmy said.

"It's an amazing plan," Cosmo added.

Anti-Cosmo smiled evilly. "Indeed it is," He said.

Foop poofed into the living room where older Anti-Cosmo was drinking tea and older Anti-Wanda was poking the time teleporter (which was still off).

"Did you find young us yet?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Well, um, a-about that," Foop mumbled

"I presume that means you're a pathetic looker."

"Yeah."

"I'm help you look," Anti-Wanda said happily and poofed away.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "I hope you know you can't find people on their first time playing hide and seek. They're probably hiding together too," he said and poofed away to help his wife look for their past selves.

If they can't find them, I'm done for…" Foop said to himself and poofed away to look as well.

"Okay, so you see, earth belongs to humans, and humans are good, so don't try and take it over," Timmy said. He had badly drawn visual aids on a whiteboard behind him.

Young Anti-Wanda looked at him genuinely amazed. "Woah, I never knew that," she said.

"Oh boy, I can feel my tiny brain becoming more goodlyer as you speak. Please, do continue," young Anti-Cosmo said smiling.

"I don't know about this sport. I think Anti-Cosmo's planning something," Wanda said.

"Pft, silly Wanda. He's too young to plot evil," Cosmo said.

"Indeedliosis," Anti-Cosmo agreed.

"Indeedliosis is a word? I knew Anti-Blonda was lying!" Anti-Wanda said.

"Mom is right, Anti-Cosmo is acting awfully suspicious," Poof said.

"No, I guarantee you that I am becoming an astonishingly ethical anti-fairy," Anti-Cosmo said and smiled even wider.

"I see what you mean," Timmy said, "I wish Anti-Cosmo and Wanda are inside a butterfly net."

"Butterfly net?" Anti-Cosmo questioned.

"What's that, can I eat it?" Anti-Wanda asked.

Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof poofed a butterfly net around them. Both Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda got disappointed.

"Who thought up this ingenious design? A pixie?" he asked sarcastically. He tried to lift the net, but it didn't work. "Huh? Is this fancy future stuff like the talking box?"

"Let me try," Anti-Wanda said. She tried to lift the net too with no success.

"So now what do we do?" Poof asked.

"Turning them good could probably still work," Timmy said.

"Or maybe we should just call regular Anti-Cosmo and Wanda and have them send their young selves back to the past. Timmy, time travel is very risky," Wanda said.

"No, we can turn good. Just give us highly powered anti-wands and we'll show you our hearts of pure goodness," Anti-Cosmo said still trying to lift the net.

"And also move this butter thing," Anti-Wanda added.

Timmy looked at the anti-children then back at his fairies. "You're right. We probably should call An-" Timmy started, but was cut off by a booming "TURNER!"

Both Anti-Fairies started screaming. "I'm so sorry pink hatted human, I'll never try and extort you again! Please, save us from Jorgen!" Anti-Cosmo pleaded

In a pink cloud, Jorgen von Strangle appeared before the six of them.

"Where are the pathetic anti-fairies, Turner?" he asked.

"Why do you want them?" Poof asked.

"I don't have to tell you! But anyway, I want them to imprisoned Anti-Cosmo when he's young so he can never take over Anti-Fairy World!" Gorgen explained.

"YES! I KNEW I TOOK OVER ANTI-FAIRY WORLD!" Anti-Cosmo rejoiced, but then quickly closed his mouth.

Jorgen looked at the anti-children. "And they're already contained for me," he said smiling. Jorgen grabbed the net containing the anti-fairies and poofed away laughing triumphantly.

"How could they just vanish like that? It's basically impossible!" Older Anti-Cosmo said.

"Maybe they got stolen," Older Anti-Wanda suggest.

"Only an idiot would mess with time like that," Anti-Cosmo said.

Suddenly, Anti-Cosmo, Anti-Wanda, and Foop appeared in Timmy room.

"Only an idiot, you say," Foop said.

"You have no room to talk, this is all your fault," Anti-Cosmo said.

"No, it's their fault for stealing you guys in the first place!" Foop said motioning to Timmy and his godparents.

"Yay, I was right! We were stolen" Anti-Wanda said.

"Why would they even want us?"

"Well, we were going to make you less evil," Timmy said.

"And how well did that work out?" Foop asked rhetorically.

"That's not how anti-fairies work. The fairy has to become more evil for us to become good, not the other way around," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Wait, really? Why?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"So where are the little terrors anyways?" Foop asked.

"Well, about that…" Timmy trailed off.

"Jorgen came and stole them," Cosmo said.

"Of course he did," Foop mumbled.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "I guess we're going to fairy world."

"Yay! Even more road trip!" Anti-Wanda said. All of the anti-fairies raised their wands and poofed to Fairy World.

"Should we follow them? It is somewhat our fault," Timmy asked.

"Well, it's mostly Anti-Cosmo and Wanda's fault for coming to the future as children, so they should be the ones to fix it," Wanda said.

"Plus, they're scary," Cosmo said.

"Well, I can't argue with that logic," Timmy said.

Jorgen grabbed the young anti-fairies by their school uniforms and threw them into a much smaller version of the original anti-fairy-zone. He poofed the butterfly net away.

"What is this?" young Anti-Wanda asked.

"It was made for current day Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda, but them as pathetic children is even better!" Jorgen said.

"What's a day? And a current? And pathetic? And -" Anti-Wanda started asking.

"No more questions!" Jorgen yelled. It scared Anti-Wanda into silence. "Now Binky, watch over the puny anti-fairies," He said and poofed away. The only fairy left in the room was short and had a purple color scheme. He's supposedly named Binky.

"Hey, you look familiar," Anti-Wanda said to Binky.

"Am I really the future leader of Anti-Fairy World? Of course I am, Why would Jorgen lie? When did I make Anti-Binky abdicate?" Younger Anti-Cosmo asked. He was starry eyed with excitement.

"Um, I don't know when it was, but I think you were four years old," Binky said.

"A year's a solar cycle, right?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Yeah."

Anti-Cosmo smiled wider. "Thanks only three solar cycles away! Two and nine tenths, to be exact! Did Anti-Binky cry when I overthrew him? I bet he did."

"I-I'm not sure if my opposite cried. We don't talk much."

"Did I lick the salty tears off of his face?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"You know I wasn't there, right."

"Was I there?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"I don't know," Binky said.

Older Anti-Cosmo, Anti-Wanda, and Foop poofed into the room. "We're here for our younger selves. Hand them over," older Anti-Cosmo said.

"JORGEN!" Binky yelled and poofed away. Both Jorgen and Binky poofed back into the room.

"Puny anti-fairy, do you honestly think you are going to beat the great and mighty Jorgen?" Jorgen asked.

"You can do it me! Devour his tears of defeat like we did with Anti-Binky!" younger Anti-Cosmo said.

"Who told him that I overthrew Anti-Binky? I specifically avoided that topic for a reason," older Anti-Cosmo said.

"Enough!" Jorgen yelled and pointed his massive wand at older Anti-Cosmo. "Be prepared to join your past selves in the supermax anti-fairy jail."

Anti-Cosmo twirled his black wand between his fingers. "Don't be so sure, my dear Jorgen," He said, smiling.

Jorgen blasted some magical energy at Anti-Cosmo, but the three anti-fairies dodged it. When the residual fairy dust disappeared, both Anti Binky and Jorgen were under a butterfly net.

"Well, that was a short battle," Binky said.

"Yeah, I wanted an epic fight scene!" Foop complained.

Foop, fairies are all idiots, but very powerful idiots. Work smart, and you won't have to work hard," older Anti-Cosmo said as he grabbed Jorgen's keys to unlock the anti-fairy prison.

"But I thought anti-fairies can't poof up the power stopping net things," older Anti-Wanda said.

"We can't, Jorgen left one on the floor and I just made it bigger to accommodate for his size," older Anti-Cosmo said and freed the young anti-fairies.

"I can't believe that I beat and overpowered Anti-Binky!" younger Anti-Cosmo said. "I'll never forget this day as long as I live!"

"Speaking of forgetting, aren't we supposed to erase their memories?" Foop asked.

"You're right, we should probably send them back to their time before another fairy tries kidnapping us," Older Anti-Cosmo said. The anti-fairies poofed back to Anti-Cosmo's castle.

Foop gave the past anti-fairies their rattles back. "You know, you could give us useful wands while we're here," Young Anti-Cosmo said.

"You'll get actual power eventually," Anti-Cosmo said and turned on the time teleporter.

Older Anti-Cosmo took his wand and put it in front of the past anti-fairies. His wand flashed black.

"Did that do the forgetty thing?" older Anti-Wanda asked.

The past anti-fairies stared blankly with their green and pink eyes at nothing. "Yep," He said, then he used magic to make the past anti-fairies fly through the time teleporter.

"Don't you think you should give an explanation? They are kind of zombified," Foop said.

"Good point," Anti-Cosmo said and poofed up an explanation note.

"Ooo, let me add something!" Anti-Wanda said and stole the note. She poofed some extra writing and handed it back to her husband. "It says hi!"

"Oh, that's great honey," Anti-Cosmo said. He poofed something else on the note and threw it through the teleporter.

"If they get me fired, I'm suing," Ms. Magister said. Suddenly, a second portal identical to the one in the middle of the time teleported. "Golly oh gee, I wonder who that could be," She said sarcastically.

Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda game out of the portal, and they looked like they were in a trance.

'Can I go in the portal?' Duncan signed. 'It looks like fun.'

"You cannot go through the portal," Ms. Magister said.

"Duncan, you can be an idiot sometimes," Blaine mumbled.

A note came out of the portal, then the portal disappeared. Ms. Magister picked up the note.

'Young Anti-Wanda and I are fine, they'll just forget everything about this day.' the note said. Then there was a scribble and an arrow pointing at it saying 'Anti-Wanda says hi'.

"Well, at least one of them becomes literate," Ms. Magister said then threw the note away.

Maria poured water over the anti-fairies, putting them out of their trance.

"I'm not even going to question where you got that," Ms. Magister said.

"What happened?" Anti-Wanda asked, "Why is my mind blanker than usual?"

"Assuming that last time we couldn't remember anything, we almost went eternally crazy, I'm guessing it was something stupid," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Anti-Cosmo is correct," Maria said.

"And I bet you didn't even deliver your letters," Blaine said.

"Seems like something we would neglect doing," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Yup, now don't kill yourselves while I return this to the office," Ms. Magister said and poofed away.

Chapter Text

"And that is how you murder a long-eared Earth creature," Anti-Cosmo said. He was holding a detached head of a stuffed bunny in one hand and the body in the other.

Anti-Wanda watched looking with intrigue. The young anti-fairies were floating in the school's playground. Nobody else was there being school ended a couple hours ago.

"Can I try?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"No, I ran out of fake earth creatures."

Anti-Blonda poofed next to them. "Okay, it's been exactly two twenty-fifths of a solar cycle, time to go home," she said.

"Can you poof me home too? I don't think I told Anti-Schnozmo I'd stay after school," Anti-Cosmo said

"Sucks to be you," Anti-Blonda said and poofed her and Anti-Wanda away.

"Great, now I have to fly all the way home," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

Above him, the clouds parted and the sun shone down as bright as it could. Bright, sunny weather was the equivalent of pouring rain to anti-fairies, so Anti-Cosmo was even less thrilled about the long walk ahead of him.

"You know, I would be home by now if it wasn't for Anti-Schnozmo," Anti-Cosmo complained to himself. He was almost out of the middle land, so he was close to Anti-Fairy World. The middle land is the cloud formations in the middle of Fairy World, Pixie World, and Anti-Fairy World. Fairy World claimed it first, so it's mostly bright and cheery, but all magical creatures are still welcome there.

"It's all his fault," Anti-Cosmo continued, "Ever since he and Anti-Blonda went on that weird mission without Anti-Wanda and me, Anti-Blonda has hated me! He probably told her that I'm a pathetic Anti-Fairy that doesn't deserve existence. He wouldn't even need much prompting to start blabbing about that because he's such a pushover."

The anti-fairy didn't know a fairy was listening in. The fairy had a black suit on and had slightly darker green eyes than Anti-Cosmo and green hair. He had a yellow crown and blue wings like most fairies, but unlike most, his nose was enormous. The fairy didn't care what Anti-Cosmo was talking about, he just thought that Anti-Cosmo was a crazy and gullible kid, and thus the perfect victim.

Anti-Cosmo crossed his arms and flew more angrily. "But despite being a pushover, he still won't give me his wand no matter how much I ask. I would make more use from that stupid starred thing than he ever could, but then he had to go rewire it so I couldn't even use it if I tried," Anti-Cosmo said. He would have said more, but the fairy flew in front of him.

"Why, hello there. My name is Schnozmo, and I need your help to save the world as we know it," the fairy, Schnozmo, said dramatically.

"But I hate the world, I don't want it to be saved," Anti-Cosmo said. He usually didn't talk to fairies, even when they initiate the conversation, but he had a feeling he might like the fairy, due to his recent complaining.

"Do you even hate Anti-Fairy World?" Schnozmo asked.

"I probably hate that one the most."

"Okay then...My name is Schnozmo, and I need your help to destroy every world, because I hate them too!"

"I've already tried multiple times, It's not a small feat. Just use some of your fancy fairy magic and do it yourself. I'd be a hindrance to your cause at best," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Ah-ha, but you see, I can't use my magic! I lost it while I was escaping for my life from some killer dinosaurs! You may have heard of the mighty earth smash that happened not too long ago. They say the dinosaurs died, but they didn't! Now the remaining dinosaurs are trying to destroy earth, and I tried to stop them so they took my wand. I need a fine wand like that dandy blue one you got there to help save the world!" Schnozmo said.

"I thought you were destroying the world," Anti-Cosmo said with a slight smile. He was sort of having fun messing with the fairy.

"Yeah, that's what I meant, the dinosaurs are actually saving the world, so I still need your wand."

"And the mighty earth smash was about 63 million solar cycles ago. Judging by your size, you weren't even alive then. And all the dinosaurs are undoubtedly dead."

"Are you going to give me your wand or not?" Schnozmo asked.

"Knock yourself out," Anti-Cosmo said and threw his wand at Schnozmo.

Schnozmo smiled. "Sucker," He mumbled then tried to poof away, but he only got about three feet away. "What the hell is this? I was going to earth!"

"You know that I'm too young to go to Earth even with a normal wand, right?"

"Yeah, but it's never this pathetic!" Schnozmo complained and poofed back to next to Anti-Cosmo.

Anti-Cosmo grabbed his wand back. "Yeah, you can thank your little brother for that."

"What does Cosmo have to do with anything? How do you even know Cosmo?" Schnozmo asked.

"Well, I see where the smarts went in the family," Anti-Cosmo mumbled and started floating home again.

"Wait a second, you can't just float away. I still need magic to sa- I mean destroy the world," Schnozmo said.

"You know, the opposite of a con man is someone who would fall for a con easily. Wanna steal my wuss of a brother's wand for me? It should have the amount of power as the one you lost, just it would be anti-magic. Are you okay with that?"

"Indeed, that sounds perfect."

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "Believe me, it is perfect."

Anti-Cosmo poofed into Anti-Schnozmo's room, and Anti-Schnozmo screamed. "Anti-Cosmo, how many times have I told you not to just barge in like that! Where have you been anyway?"

Anti-Cosmo was smiling mischievously. "Oh my dear brother," He said, emphasizing 'dear', "I was out making a new friend."

"That's great!"

"It's a fairy."

"Less great."

"And guess which fairy it is," Anti-Cosmo said and smiled wider.

"Umm…" Anti-Schnozmo said, but before he could guess, the fairy in question burst in.

"Hello there, my name is- Yeesh, you're ugly. Just look at that nose," Schnozmo said. Anti-Schnozmo looked at him petrified.

"What!? When? Where? Why? You know he's my opposite right!"

Anti-Cosmo's smile faded and he rolled his eyes. "I may be the least intelligent thing in the universe, but I'm not an idiot. You know, this is exactly why I'm spiting you."

"What? You're spiting me! Why?"

"I just told you, dummy. Now, Schnozy, do what I brought you here for."

"Oh, yes, righty-o. You, small nose, I need your help. Your wand is necessary for the world to be intact," Schnozmo said.

"The world's in danger? Here, take it," Anti-Schnozmo said and handed Schnozmo his wand.

"Sweet," Schnozmo said.

"That's all I had to do? My lord, I really hate you right now," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

Schnozmo was poofing all around in dark blue clouds. "Feels good to be back," he said looking at his new anti-wand.

Anti-Cosmo floated next to Schnozmo. "Okay new big brother, want to harass other anti-fairies together?"

"Sure," Schnozmo said and they both poofed away together.

"I am so confused," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"So, you see, we go in here, then ambush Anti-Binky like this and steal his anti-wand, then go to earth and take it over!" Anti-Cosmo said, making an unintentionally squiggly arrow on an absolutely atrocious drawing of Anti-Binky's castle.

"Uh-hu. I see. Why don't I just poof us in there and you're small hands snatch the wand from Anti-whoever," Schnozmo suggested.

Anti-Cosmo laughed. "That would never work," He said.

"Oh yeah? We'll see about that," Schnozmo said and poofed them into the main room of Anti-Binky's castle.

~0~

"So, I think I need a torture wall," Anti-Binky said in his deep voice. He didn't know about the anti-child and fairy behind his throne. Anti-Binky had a normal blue and black color scheme with red eyes and no hair. He had a really fancy black crown floating above his head and slightly larger bat-like wings too. "Not one of those pathetic torture walls with only a whip or something. No, I need twelve guillotines, all with fresh blood on them. And a mammoth. I could get some good screams with those."

"Yes Sir, I'll get right on it Sir," The other anti-fairy said with his weird accented voice. This one had a regular crown and wings, but his body was inordinately long and scrawny. It made his dark blue face look huge.

"Oh, and Anti-Jorgen, add a little fire. Fire always makes the torture thing seem more themed," Anti-Binky said

"Yes, Sir," the other anti-fairy, Anti-Jorgen, said and poofed away.

"Okay, now go steal the wand," Schnozmo said.

"Are you crazy? Anti-Binky is strong and powerful, we need a plan to take him down. I have a death wish, but it's not that big!" Anti-Cosmo complained in a whisper so the ruler of anti-fairies couldn't hear him.

"Don't be such a baby, you're at least forty, right?" Schnozmo asked.

"I'm one and a half!"

"Hey, so's my brother. He's the youngest fairy in existence, you know."

Anti-Cosmo was about to say something, but someone else beat him to it. "Well, well, well. Of all the things I expect to barge in here unannounced, a special needs two-solar-cycle-old and a large-nosed fairy were low on the list," Anti-Binky said.

"Hey there, my name's Schnozmo. I need your help to save and/or destroy the world. You see, I'm under the attack of zombies, and only your magic will stop them from doing the thing you hate most."

"You need to work on your conning, kid," Anti-Binky said and poofed the two into chains that connected them to a nearby wall

"It's a work in progress," Schnozmo said, "Pretty good for a hundred and seven solar cycle old, isn't it?"

Anti-Binky took Anti-Cosmo's and Schnozmo's (technically Anti-Schnozmo's) wands away and poofed them to a corner not too far away, but still not in arms distance. "I've seen some humans do a better job than you."

Schnozmo shrugged. "Still a work in progress."

"You already said that."

"Indeed I did."

"Okay then," Anti-Binky said and poofed away.

"Hey, where'd he go?" Schnozmo asked Anti-Cosmo. Anti-Cosmo was staring blankly ahead. "You okay kid?"

"I'm such an idiot," Anti-Cosmo mumbled barely audible, "Why did I ever want this? Anti-Binky is big and powerful and scary and we'll be imprisoned forever and… and…"

"Oddly enough, this is how most of my 'ignore the plan' plans work," Schnozmo said.

Anti-Cosmo ignored him.

"The one guy called the other Anti-Jorgen. Was he named after the fairy ruler or was it just a coincidence?"

Anti-Cosmo didn't care how Schnozmo never got told that anti-fairies are the opposites of fairies, he was too busy thinking about how they were never going to escape. "I wanna go home," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

"I wanna go to earth. There's a fairy godparent I have a bone to pick with."

Anti-Cosmo didn't answer, so Schnozmo changed the topic and kept asking questions that never got answered.

About half an hour later, Anti-Binky still never showed back up, which made Anti-Cosmo even more anxious.

"When's that one guy coming back anyway?" Schnozmo asked.

Anti-Cosmo didn't answer. A few seconds later, a dark blue poof appeared in front of them.

"Hey, friend! Is this really what you want to take over? It looks boring," Anti-Wanda said.

"Anti-Wanda!" Anti-Cosmo said and smiled, "How did you get here?"

Anti-Blonda and Anti-Schnozmo poofed next to Anti-Wanda. "I told you to stop poofing off like that!" Anti-Blonda scolded.

"But you said Anti-Binky wasn't here so it was safe," Anti-Wanda said.

"I was talking to bad role model #2 over here, not you," Anti-Blonda said, "Speaking of which, I brought you to your stupid brother, take your wand back and let's leave."

"The short blue guy put our wands over there before he left," Schnozmo said and pointed to where they were.

"I'll get em!" Anti-Wanda excitedly said and flew towards them.

"How did you know we'd be here?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"I know how much you want to take over fairy world, and since I don't want you to he'd be all for it and stupid about it," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"And I only showed up because Anti-Wanda wanted me too. Don't be under the impression that I like you," Anti-Blonda said.

"I didn't have that impression," Anti-Cosmo said.

Anti-Wanda floated next to Anti-Blonda. "I got the wands!"

Anti-Blonda took them from her twin and threw them at the corresponding male anti-fairies. "Kay, let's go," she said.

"But what about the chains? They're undoubtedly magic proof," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I can help with that. Back in the circus, I escaped locks all the time," Schnozmo said.

"You were in the circus?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"More importantly, why didn't you do that before?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Schnozmo shrugged. "Didn't think of it before," He said and unto ked his and Anti-Cosmo's cuffs.

"Now can we go?" Anti-Blonda asked impatiently.

"Can I hang out with Anti-Cosmo after we leave?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Nope," Anti-Blonda said and raised her wand. The other anti-fairies followed suit and they poofed out.

Anti-Cosmo, Anti-Schnozmo, and Schnozmo poofed to the Anti-Cosma's house while Anti-Wanda and Anti-Blonda went to their house.

"Wait, so you're name is Anti-Cosmo? Were you named after my brother?" Schnozmo asked.

"Um, do you want us to poof you home or something?" Anti-Schnozmo asked Schnozmo. He didn't want to explain anti-fairies to his opposite.

"Can you poof me to earth?" Schnozmo asked.

"No, my wand isn't good enough for that."

"Oh yeah. Send me home I guess. I live at-"

"I know where you live," Anti-Schnozmo said, cutting him off, and poofed Schnozmo away. "Wait, he doesn't know about anti-fairies, that sounded really creepy. Should I poof him back here? Would that be worse? Should I have explained our species?"

"Don't overthink it," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Why were you even hanging out with him anyway? Besides, um, 'spite'."

"Eh, don't worry about that. Just know that I hate Schnozmo now. Take that as a compliment," Anti-Cosmo said and poofed away.

"Okay then," He said in the empty room, then he poofed away to explain anti-fairies to Schnozmo.

Chapter Text

Anti-Binky and Anti-Jorgen poof back into Anti-Binky's castle. "So, that's why I chopped up those three kids and threw them into fire. But, while I was doing that, I couldn't help but think I forgot something," Anti-Binky said.

"Sir, um, why is there two pairs of chains on the wall?" Anti-Jorgen asked.

"Oh yea, that's what I forgot. A large nosed fairy and a special needs green eyed anti-baby broke in."

"Should I send the eyes to see if they're a threat?"

"Do that, especially keep an eye on the anti-kid, his green eyes disturb me."

"Yes sir," Anti-Jorgen said and poofed away to do as he was commanded.

"Heeeeeyy Bro, you know how last earth rotation I broke into Anti-Binky's castle to take it over, but I got trapped so you had to save me?" Anti-Cosmo asked his brother.

"Um," Anti-Schnozmo started, but Anti-Cosmo wasn't looking for an answer.

"Well, I only failed because of ginormo nose, so Mr. Puny Nose should do wonders for my cause!"

"Don't take over Anti-Fairy World, Anti-Cosmo. I'm not helping you if you try," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"If I can't take over a world, then what am I supposed to do?"

"Play outside. The weather's lovely."

"No it's not. It's snowing. Snow is almost as worse as sunshine with its bright whiteness."

"Oh, it's snowing? Here," Anti-Schnozmo poofed super thick clothing on Anti-Cosmo. "Knock yourself out."

"I don't want to play in the snow!" Anti-Cosmo protested.

Anti-Wanda poofed into the room with thick clothes on similar to Anti-Cosmo's. "Anti-Blonda poofed me over here so we can play in the snow. Isn't that great!"

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "That is great. Let's go," he said and raised his wand. Anti-Wanda followed suit and they poofed away.

"Why can't he listen to me like that," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled to himself.

"I made a snowhuman!" Anti-Wanda exclaimed. She pointed to a pile of snow that in no way resembles a human.

"It's quite accurate," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I don't know what that means, but thank you," Anti-Wanda said. "So, what do you wanna do now?"

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "I never knew what the appeal of snow is so I never bothered to learn what activities take place in it," he said. Anti-Wanda stared at him blankly. "I don't know any snow games," he rephrased.

"Oh. Do you know anybody who does know snow games?"

"No. I basically only have one friend and an annoying brother that doesn't know anything."

Anti-Wanda smiled. "I just thought of something great! If you're brother doesn't know any snow games, maybe your one friend will!"

"Do you know any snow games?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"No, that's why we need to ask your friend."

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "On second thought, my friend doesn't know anything either."

"Aw, that's a shame. Wanna make more snowhumans?"

"Okay," Anti-Cosmo said. The two of them started building piles of snow that barely resembled anything. On the third pile of snow that Anti-Cosmo made, he turned to Anti-Wanda. "Hey look, I made Anti-Binky."

"That looks cool," Anti-Wanda said.

"Can I borrow your wand? I'll make it look cooler."

"Sure," Anti-Wanda said happily and handed Anti-Cosmo her sky blue wand. The younger anti-fairy pointed both wands at the snow Anti-Binky and made it explode. Anti-Wanda started laughing. "We should kill all our snowhumans!" She suggested after she stopped laughing.

Anti-Cosmo gave Anti-Wanda her wand back. "Whoever kills more faster wins, but we first have to build a bunch, kay?"

"Kay," Anti-Wanda said and started making snow creatures as fast as she could.

Unnoticed by the anti-children was a black bat flying above them, watching their every move with its rainbow tinted blue eyes.

"Sure," a muffled and far away sounding Anti-Wanda said. Anti-Binky watched from a handheld mirror as she handed her wand to Anti-Cosmo and he blew up the snow Anti-Binky. The image disappears and Anti-Binky looked at Anti-Jorgen.

"The green-eyed child seems to not like you," Anti-Jorgen said.

Anti-Binky glared at him. "I'm not blind you idiot."

"You're right, sir. Sorry, sir."

"And also, why should I care whether he likes me or not, he needed two wands just to blow up stupid snow, that doesn't seem like much of a threat to me."

"I did some research and the green-eyed one is Anti-Cosmo, last anti-fairy that will ever be born."

Anti-Binky looked slight more interested. "So the opposite of the fairy that who was so stupid he blew up Fairy World?"

"Yes. Anti-Cosmo is still pathetically puny so he has child stupidity, but his opposite has pure stupidity in abundance. It won't be long before-"

"Before the little idiot becomes smart," Anti-Binky finished.

"Yes sir."

"Well, it's simple, scare the kid into never wanting to see me."

"But how sir?" Anti-Jorgen asked.

"Just traumatize that weird eyed freak. You have the second most powerful wand in Anti-Fairy Would, put it to good use!"

"Of course sir, sorry I asked."

"You should be sorry. Now go!" Anti-Binky yelled.

Anti-Jorgen poofed away in fear.

"I WIN! I WIN!" Anti-Wanda rejoiced.

"But I murdered forty-three snowhumans and you only killed seven," Anti-Cosmo said.

"So I win."

Anti-Cosmo was contemplating whether or not he wanted to explain to Anti-Wanda how he was the winner when Anti-Jorgen poofed behind them unnoticed. They aren't very observant anti-kids. Anti-Jorgen put a magical floating crown over one of the heads of an undestroyed pile of snow that the anti-children meant to make into an anti-fairy. That made it turn into the actual shape of a completely average anti-child and it came to life. Anti-Jorgen whispered something in the pointy white ear of the snow creature then poofed away.

"So since you 'won', do you want to do something else?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"But we don't know any other snow games. Oh, I know, we could ask that snowfairy," Anti-Wanda suggested.

"Anti-Wanda, snow can't talk," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Actually, I'm a snow anti-fairy. See, my wings are bat-like," the snow anti-fairy corrected.

Anti-Cosmo turned around and looked at the snow anti-fairy. "Why is your crown dark blue and the rest of you white?" he asked.

The snow creature frowned "Why are your eyes green?" It asked as if it was a great comeback.

"I have a hypothesis that it's because my opposite was deemed the last fairy to be procreated before I was born," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I wasn't looking for a real answer."

"Well, I was."

"My eyes are pink and mommy says that's because she got bit by a pink three days before I was born," Anti-Wanda said.

The snow anti-child looked at her in confusion, but then shook it off. "So, I heard that you guys don't know any fun things to do in the snow. Well, I know a bunch of activities, being a snowman and all. You should follow me into that castle over there," he said. He lifted his hand and a castle was built out of snow. It was identical to Anti-Binky's castle, except white instead of black.

"Snow castle games? Sounds good," Anti-Wanda said and started floating to the newly made castle.

"That looks like a terrible castle," Anti-Cosmo mumbled as he followed Anti-Wanda.

The snow anti-child rolled his eyes, then he saw a bat with his peripheral vision. They locked eyes and the snow child gave the winged animal a smile and thumbs up.

The bat just stared at the snow child unblinkingly, which made him visibly uncomfortable, so the snow creature morphed into the ground. The blue crown floated above the floor for a second before it went above the castle.

Inside, Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda were looking around the castle.

"It's so white," Anti-Wanda said.

"How observant," Anti-Cosmo said. He knew Anti-Wanda would take that as a compliment. "Where's that snow guy anyway?"

"Hmm. Maybe he -" Anti-Wanda started, but a giant wall of snow and ice formed between the two Anti-Children.

"Anti-Wanda?" Anti-Cosmo questioned. He looked at the wall and kicked it. "Huh. It was a trap. I blame Anti-Schnozmo for this."

A deep voice laughed. "You see, young child, this is what happens when you mess with me," the deep voice said. Form one of the snow walls, the dark blue crown came out and under it, a snow Anti-Binky was made.

"I didn't do anything to you snow creature. And why'd you change your vocal cords?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Okay, first of all, you questioned my design and called my castle terrible, so you did scar me emotionally, and second, don't I look and sound like someone who you did mess with?" the snow Anti-Binky asked.

"You look like a sickeningly bright white ball with a blue crown, but I guess you sound like Anti-Binky."

"Well, I look like him too. Now it's your time to pay the price for breaking into his mighty castle!"

Anti-Cosmo looked like he just realized something. "This is a snow copy of Anti-Binky's castle, isn't it? If that's true, that'll be cool."

The snow Anti-Binky looked offended. "You called my castle stupid and you didn't even know what it looked like?" he said, but his voice was the high pitched one that was used for the snow anti-child.

"Hey, um, snow child, it would be great if you stay focused," Anti-Jorgen's voice said. It was coming through the crown.

"Right," the snow creature said. He made his voice sound like Anti-Binky's again. "You will never attack Anti-Binky again, or you will get a rath much worse than this!"

"Oh, what are you gonna do? Fluff me to death?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Take me seriously!" Snow Anti-Binky growled. He lifted his arm and Anti-Cosmo got surrounded in snow.

"Wow, I'm threatened now," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Shut up!" the snow creature yelled and magically forced snow into Anti-Cosmo's mouth.

Anti-Cosmo spits out the snow. "Hey, this snow isn't magical," he said.

"I said shut up!" the snow creature yelled again and put more snow into Anti-Cosmo's mouth. "Now, endure the might torture of Anti-Binky!" the snow creature exclaimed. He forced a pile of snow into a stream and shot it at Anti-Cosmo. Right before it hit, Anti-Cosmo poofed out of the snow.

"Wait, why didn't you do that before? Nevermind," the snow creature mumbled. It shot snow at Anti-Cosmo's hand and took his raddle away from him and moved it into its own snowy hand. "Let's see you do something without your magic-ex-machina."

"Oh shoot, you foiled me. How will I ever go on now that you have taken my only source of worth?" Anti-Cosmo asked. He floated down so his knees were on the ground.

"Is that sarcasm?" the snow Anti-Binky asked.

"What's sarcasm?" Anti-Cosmo asked in a very innocent voice.

"Oh, it's like saying something, but meaning the opposite."

"Why would I use sarcasm? That sounds mean," Anti-Cosmo asked still innocently. He put this weird looking snow thing to the side and started making a snowball.

"You are mean. And you didn't like me even before I trapped you."

"I hate snow, so I, therefore, would have to hate you. Also, I already have one easily distracted friend, I don't need two."

"I'm not easily distractible, you're easily distractible. And if you hate snow then why are you making a snowball?"

"You mean this? It's for this," Anti-Cosmo said. He threw it at the blue crown, but it missed by a long shot. Anti-Cosmo looked panicked "Ah, wait! That wasn't supposed to miss! Can I try again?"

"No!" the snow Anti-Binky yelled. "You didn't even make a good snowball. It was all lumpy and terrible. You barely deserve to be pelted with my perfect spheres of snow," the snow Anti-Binky complained. He made dozens of perfectly circular balls of snow within seconds with his magical snow powers. He started using magic to fling all the balls at Anti-Cosmo. The non-snow anti-toddler started flying around as fast as he could, but the snow creature had too many that flew around too fast that he wasn't very good at dodging it at all.

The snow creature laughed maniacally as he pelted Anti-Cosmo with a plethora of snowballs. Eventually, snow Anti-Binky stopped making and throwing snowballs. Anti-Cosmo was basically seeing stars at that point, so he was happy that frozen water stopped attacking him, but he was also smart enough to know that the snow creature probably wasn't completely done yet.

"Now, do you see what happens when you mess with me?" the snow creature asked triumphantly.

"Anti-Binky. The point was to show what happens when he messes with the great and powerful Anti-Binky," Anti-Jorgen's voice said as it came through the crown.

"Shut up! You're ruining my moment!" the snow Anti-Binky growled.

"Sorry, sir," Anti-Jorgen said and stopped the crown transmission.

The snow creature sighed. "As I was saying, this is what happens when you mess with ME! Now, before I leave your weird green eyed self to live in misery because you got beat by water, I shall make this even more humiliating by finishing you off with your own greatest weapon!" The snow creature laughed evilly as it grabbed Anti-Cosmo's wand out of the snow and pointed it at its original owner. "Goodbye, you pesk," he said under his breath. The snow Anti-Binky pointed the wand right at Anti-Cosmo's face, but the wand turned a sickly turquoise and queued over. "What!? How is that possible? Wands are the only thing that gives an Anti-Fairies life worth! You even said so yourself!"

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "My wand's pathetic, besides, no amount of power would ever give my life worth, but," Anti-Cosmo said and kicked his wand out of the snow hand. It hit the dark blue crown, causing it fly with the crown to the other side of the room. The snow creature melted into the snow below as Anti-Cosmo flew over and grabbed his wand and the crown. "Some actual good magic could be useful to get rid of the things I hate," Anti-Cosmo continued.

The snow creature formed into a much weaker looking form of his original average anti-child form, minus the crown, and glared at Anti-Cosmo. "What are you going to do?" he asked weakly in his original voice.

Anti-Cosmo didn't respond. Instead, he grabbed the weirdly shaped snow sculpture that he made before the snowball earlier off of the ground. When he put the dark blue crown over it, its shape got turned into the typical starred wand. Anti-Cosmo put the snow wand through the open middle of the crown, which turned the snow into solid ice. "And do you know what I hate?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Your opposite?" the snow anti-child guessed, although he was pretty sure that's not where Anti-Cosmo was going.

"I really hate snow," Anti-Cosmo said in a deeper voice than usual. He lifted the ice wand and its starred end started glowing a deep black. "Goodbye, you pesk," Anti-Cosmo said and smiled. The snow child screamed as there was a large black flash.

"Hey, where'd the snow go?" Anti-Wanda asked. All of the snow that was previously there was gone, including Anti-Cosmo's ice wand and the snow castle.

Anti-Cosmo was lying on the dark grayish blue clouds that made the floor of Anti-Fairy World while staring blankly at the blood red sky. "The snow's gone? That's nice," he muttered barely audibly.

"Are you okay?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"I'm dying."

Anti-Wanda laughed slightly. "Oh Anti-Cosmo, you're so silly. Yes, the castle snow games were terrible, but they weren't that bad."

"I hate snow."

Then, Anti-Schnozmo poofed next to Anti-Wanda. "What the heck did you do? How'd you get rid of the snow? Did you get rid of the snow?" Anti-Schnozmo asked his brother.

Anti-Cosmo responded in random noises that didn't sound anything like words.

"Anti-Cosmo's dying," Anti-Wanda said.

"He'll get over it," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Cool. Will he still come to school next earth rotation?"

"Probably," Anti-Schnozmo said. "You live at the dark purple house next to Anti-Sahar's, right?"

"Yup, I think so. Wait, do I? Which color is purple?"

"The answer is yes, by the way, and I don't really know how to describe purple. So, anyway, I'm going to take Anti-Cosmo back home, do you want me to poof you to your house or something?"

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said happily.

"Okay then," Anti-Schnozmo said and poofed all three of them away.

Anti-Binky watched the whole this from the mirror. "What the hell kind of attack was living snow? That's not traumatizing! It's the ugliest thing to look at, but not traumatizing!" the anti-fairy ruler complained.

"Naturally, sorry sir, I'll do better next time sir," Anti-Jorgen said terrified.

"There won't be a next time for you," Anti-BInky said bitterly, which terrified Anti-Jorgen even more. "This green-eyed kid is smarter than I expected, and he'll only get smarter, but that's nothing compared to the sheer power he possesses! At age three I could barely poof away a fly, but this kid with an actually useful wand somehow beat mother nature all throughout Anti-Fairy World! This isn't just a scare him away plan anymore, we need to send him somewhere he'll never return from."

"H-how will you do that, sir?" Anti-Jorgen asked hesitantly.

Anti-Binky smiled evilly. "The special needs class is in room 720, isn't it?"

Anti-Jorgen nodded.

"Hey Class," Ms. Magister said with much more enthusiasm than usual, which wasn't a high bar to pass. The words even appeared over her head in a brighter and prettier font. "Because some bigwig of one of the main lands said so, we're going on a last minute field trip today. Isn't that great?" The class stared at her in silence. "Pretend like you're excited," She commanded in her usual tone of voice.

"How can we be excited when we don't even know where we're going?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"We're going to the Mid Hole, now look happy about it."

Blaine looked confused. "The Mid Hole? What's that?"

To be continued... 

Chapter Text

"The Mid Hole? What's that?" Blaine asked.

"It's a gap in the middle of the middle lands, that's why it was called the Mid Hole. It's how fairies, and anti-fairies on Friday the thirteenth, go to earth when they're magic is too weak to get them down. There's not really a way how to come back up without magic, but it's much easier to poof to the Mid Hole and fly to Anti-Fairy World than it is to just poof to Anti-Fairy World. It's starting to be used less because a magical rainbow bridge thing is being made in Fairy World," Anti-Cosmo explained.

"Thank you exposition spewer," Ms. Magister said.

"You're not welcome."

Ms. Magister rolled her eyes. Anti-Wanda gasped. "Oh! I get it now! It sounds like middle, but it's the Mid Hole!" She started laughing. "That's funny."

That's when an anti-fairy and Pixie poofed into the room in a pixely gray cloud. The Pixie looked like basically every other pixie. The anti-fairy was decently average looking too. He had the normal red eyes, black wings, black crown, and blue skin. His black hair had a big curve in the front, but it didn't swirl around like Anti-Wanda's. What was most interesting about him was his outfit. It was mostly different shades of dark blue, but he had black broken hearts instead of buttons on his shirt.

"Why's there an anti-fairy with the pixie?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"It's because your ruler, Anti-Binky himself, really wanted to send this class on an all expenses paid trip to the Mid Hole, so I'm his representative to make sure everything goes smoothly," The anti-fairy explained. His voice was somewhat deep and sounded very manly. He looked at Ms. Magister. "Also, I won't be judging you on your teaching skills in any way."

"So you can't even give me a raise?" Ms. Magister asked.

"No."

"Kay. Kids, forget what I said, don't act excited in any way. The Mid Hole is the most boring thing ever," Ms. Magister said. The font above her head went back to how it normally is.

"It has a good view of Earth though. Quality stuff. Well worth the trip, trust me," The anti-fairy said.

All the kids looked at the anti-fairy in silence. "Are you ready to go on the field trip?" The pixie asked in a monotone voice, breaking the silence.

"Yes," the anti-fairy immediately. Then Anti-Wanda, Anti-Cosmo, and Ms. Magister answered all at the same time with "Yup", "Sure", and "Whatever."

Wordlessly, the pixie raised it's gray circled wand and the seven other magical creatures to the center of the middle lands. "Now children, go stare at the Earth. There'll be a test afterward, so go observe as much as your little minds can handle." the anti-fairy said.

"Okey-dokey!" Anti-Wanda said and floated over to the hole, then went to the floor to get a better view. Anti-Cosmo wasn't far behind his friend and he did the same thing. Ms. Magister signed a simplified version of what the anti-fairy said, and Dillan nodded and he and his brother walked to the part of the hole opposite to Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda. Anti-Cosmo found it kind of weird that Blaine was looking down the hole as if he could see Earth, but then he remembered he didn't care and stared down at Earth again to get as much as he could out of it. He was really good at tests for some reason, so he wanted to ace the test on the Earth too.

"Hey, um, yellow elf. Go look down the hole," The anti-fairy said.

"Does Maria want to look at Earth? No, she does not," Maria said. She was reaching for Ms. Magister's wand. The fairy gave it to her and looked at the anti-fairy.

"Don't worry about her, she wouldn't enjoy it anyways," Ms. Magister said. "Speaking of enjoyment, you're Anti-Cupid, aren't you? You hate children, so why are you chaperoning a class for Anti-Binky? That's not even a protocol."

"I can ask you the same about you, you know," Anti-Cupid said. "You have an opposite that keeps getting happier and happier. It's actually kind of sickening. So why are you still teaching?" As Anti-Cupid talked, his raised his wand behind his back and it started to glow.

"The pay is really great, especially because it's a special needs class. It's almost as good as a fairy god parent's, but instead of short humans it's short magical creatures."

"Un-hu. I see," Anti-Cupid said the clouds under Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda's feet suddenly disappeared. The anti-children let out a startled scream as they fell slightly, but then they started floating again. Dillan and Blaine took a large step away from the hole.

"That was weird," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

"Hey Anti-Cosmo, why'd the ground do that? Do you think it didn't know we can fly?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Clouds can't think. The most likely option would probably be sabotage against us, but nobody is stupid enough to forget that we can fly. If it really was sabotage, they probably should have propelled us downward because we can only fly under a limited amount of force," Anti-Coamo said.

Ms. Magister sighed. "For probably the smartest kid in class, he can really be stupid sometimes," She muttered under her breath then glared at Anti-Cupid. "Then again, maybe it's normal for anti-fairies to be idiots."

"Shut up," Anti-Cupid growled, "I'm just under orders. And I can fully well get you fired, or worse, so don't interfere." He wasn't hiding his wand behind his back anymore, he was just holding it normally, and it glowed dark blue. Some surrounding pink clouds formed a giant hand. It grabbed Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda and though them through the hole.

"Subtlety isn't your strong suit, is it?" Ms. Magister mumbled.

"Yeah, yeah whatever. Remember, if anybody asks it was a freak accident where the clouds disappeared and they fell down. There's nothing that you could have done, so you just made sure that the non-flying ones didn't fall down because they are very mortal and very, very fragile," Anti-Cupid threatened.

Ms. Magister looked at the three remaining kids, who were all looking at her. "Well, would ya look at the time. And to think we still have a test to do," She said and took her wand back from Maria. "And since there are no anti-fairies, we don't even need a pixie." She said and they all poofed away in a light pink cloud. Anti-Cupid poofed away not long after.

Anti-Cupid poofed into Anti-Binky's castle He was in a room with Anti-Binky sitting on a thrown that Anti-Jorgen was standing next too.

"It's been taken care of, my lord. The green-eyed freak and his accomplice are successfully and inconspicuously banished to Earth. Now, my lord, for your end of the bargain," Anti-Cupid said. He was twirling his wand between his fingers.

Anti-Binky and Anti-Jorgen exchanged looks, and Anti-Binky nodded. Anti-Jorgen looked slightly more nervous and then threw an arrow in Anti-Cupid's direction. The arrow had a white shaft, black spiky fletchings, and a dark green, heart-shaped head. Anti-Cupid tried to catch it but didn't. He quickly grabbed it off the floor. "Thank you, my lord," he said and poofed away.

"Sir, I have no doubt that your choice is a good one, but what was the point of working with Anti-Cupid? He hates everything, including you, and since he's fully matured he's arguably more threatening than Anti-Cosmo," Anti-Jorgen said.

"The Anti-God is an idiot that can't shoot for that immortal life of his. Who cares if he hates me, he hates other things more, and if anyone finds out about the green-eyed kid's banishment, I could just put all the blame on Anti-Cupid and nobody will question it because everybody hates him as much as he hates everybody."

"I see. I'm sorry I questioned you, sir."

"Now you know, never question me again."

"Yes, sir. Of course."

Anti-Cosmo was screaming as he and Anti-Wanda plummeted to earth.

"So is this that sabo- whatsit thing you were talking about?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"We're going to be stuck on earth forever!"

"So?" Anti-Wanda asked

"We can't get good magic on Earth! If anything, our magic would be worse since we're so far from the big anti-wand!" Anti-Cosmo complained.

"Oh, okay. Then maybe we could-" Anti-Wanda started, but she was cut off by the two of them hitting some water. They made a splash so large that it drained the lake they landed in. "Hey, that was fun, we should do it again." Anti-Wanda happily said.

"Great, and now we're going to attract the attention of humans, and they won't be able to see us so the magic-truthers would start hunting us down, and we'll be imprisoned forever once one of them actually succeeds, and we'll be test subjects for the rest of our immortal lives, and, and" Anti-Cosmo started saying, getting more and more freaked out as he talked about it.

"I don't think that'll happen. Look, the humans don't even care," Anti-Wanda said.

"Wait, what! There's a human?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Uh-hu. Right there," Anti-Wanda said and pointed to this boy that was standing at the used to be shore of the lake with his white hazmat suit completely soaked. The only thing you could see through the suit was some of his incredibly pale skin and blue eyes. He was also really short.

"He's looking straight at us, he can probably hear us! Why did the fairies make us invisible to humans but didn't make us unhearable by them?" Anti-Cosmo complained.

"Hey, Mr. Cosma, what happened to the lake? Am I hallucinating? Am I dying? I don't want to die, I don't know how to deal with dying," the little boy said anxiously. His voice was muffled through the hazmat suit.

A green squirrel with reading classes ran next to the boy. "No, it's anti-fairies." the squirrel said.

"Wow! A talking squirrel!" Anti-Wanda rejoiced and flew over to the green squirrel.

"Anti-Wanda, don't get so close to it! It's probably a fairy, and fairies don't like us!" Anti-Cosmo said and flew after his friend.

"But it's a squirrel. Fairies aren't squirrels, Anti-Cosmo, they're like us but brighter," Anti-Wanda said.

"They can shapeshift. If we weren't pathetic, we could shapeshift too."

"Oh," Anti-Wanda said.

"Anti-Cosmo? Like, the opposite of Cosmo Cosma?" The squirrel asked.

"No," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Wait, you're not? Then why's your last name Anti-Cosma?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Would I regret wishing to be able to see them?" the boy in the suit asked.

"Yeah, probably," the squirrel said.

"Okay then, I guess I wish that they were far far away from me. Like with the stars," The boy said.

"Wait, you don't want to do that!" Anti-Cosmo said. "You should wish us to Anti-Fairy world."

"What's that?" The boy asked.

"The worst place in the universe," Anti-Cosmo answered.

"Oh. I guess I wish they were in anti-fairy world."

The green squirrel made a yellow-starred wand appear in his hand. It glowed a brighter yellow, but then turned brown and flopped over.

"What happened to your wand? Is your magic bad? Will I lose all my wishes? I don't know how to deal with losing all my wishes," the boy said.

"No, it just does that when I try and make a wish that's against da rules or something that requires too much magic," the squirrel explained.

"So which one was it Mr. Cosma?"

"It's against da rules to poof around banished magical creatures."

"What's banished?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Only my son's opposite is banished, so you're not. Charles, do you want me to poof one to Anti-Fairy World?" The squirrel asked.

"Um, okay. I guess one of anything is easier to deal with than two," the boy said.

"But I don't want to leave Anti-Cos-" Anti-Wanda started.

"Yes she does. Her address is 1561 anti-cloudline st." Anti-Cosmo interrupted.
The green squirrel raised it's wand again and poofed Anti-Wanda away. "Since I can't send you anywhere, have fun being banished I guess. And if you ever see Schnozmo, tell him I'm still a fly and he shouldn't look for me," the green squirrel said. "And by the way, Charles, school's going to start soon."

"Oh no! I can't be late again! I don't know how to deal with the teacher yelling at me! I wish I was at school!" the boy panicked. The squirrel poofed himself and the boy away.

"No, don't go yet! I need magic to get back to Anti-Fairy World!" Anti-Cosmo said, but nobody was around to hear him. He sighed. "I guess I have to find another god kid or I'll be attacked and dissected by magic truthers." Anti-Cosmo started flying aimlessly around.

Anti-Schnozmo poofed into room 720. "Hey, um, did Anti-Cosmo get detention again?" he asked Ms. Magister. The leprechaun twins were already picked up, so the only student there was Maria.

"Anti-Cosmo fall down," Maria said as she was organizing the shelves of toys and books.

"How did that lead to detention?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"He's not in detention, he fell to Earth," Ms. Magister said. She was trying to help Maria organize, but she kept pushing her hands away.

"What? Why did... How did… Where'd he land?"

"I didn't look," Ms. Magister said.

"Why not?"

"Well, giant hands don't just form in clouds and throw a child to Earth for no reason, now do they?"

"Yeah, I guess you have a point," Anti-Schnozmo said. "There's no reason for both of us to be stuck on the rock. I don't want to upset whoever sent him to Earth. It was probably Anti-Binky anyway and only an idiot would ever challenge him, right. Well, it's a good thing Anti-Cosmo is never going to be seen again. Good riddance I say. I shan't miss him at all." Anti-Schnozmo laughed nervously. "Yep. Not at all. An only child is the way to go. Maybe I'm the one who sent him to Earth just to be rid of him. Who knows? You know what I'm saying?"

"I honestly have no clue what you're trying to say," Ms. Magister said.

"Well, you know with Anti-Cosmo getting into trouble so much lately, this was bound to happen. It's the third time in a row, so I've realized there's no point of being attached, so I'll never get attached in the first place. These last one and a half solar cycles never happened," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"You're the weirdest kid I've met in a while, and that's not a good thing," Ms. Magister said.

"Righty-o. I'll leave now," Anti-Schnozmo lifted his wand, but Anti-Blonda poofed next to him and took it before he could poof away.

"You're not going anywhere until I know where Anti-Wanda is," She said.

"Just because someone I may or may not know is your sister's best friend doesn't mean I know where she is all the time. I need that," Anti-Schnozmo said and tried to get his wand back.

"Anti-Wanda and Anti-Cosmo are not best friends. I refuse to let my sisters be best friends with a terrible role model."

"Who's this Anti-Cosmo you speak of? I'm a completely happy only child. Being a singleton is the way to go!"

Anti-Blonda looked at Anti-Schnozmo in confusion, then looked at Ms. Magister. "He doesn't take news very well, does he?" Ms. Magister asked rhetorically.

"News? What news?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"Anti-Binky sent Anti-Cosmo to Earth never to be seen again, and that's fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Was Anti-Wanda with him?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"I don't know, I wasn't paying attention," Ms. Magister lied.

"You're a teacher, isn't it your job to pay attention?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"Maria, you need to pay attention," Maria said. "Anti-Cupid make the magic and Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda through mid-hole down to Great Britain, Europe, Earth, Milky Way."

"Anti-Cupid did it?" Anti-Schnozmo questioned. "Well, I guess anti-gods can banish people."

Anti-Blonda glared at Anti-Schnozmo. "Your stupid brother put my precious sister's life in danger for the second time in a row!"

"Yesterday your sister wasn't in danger, the snow monster completely ignored her."

"Shut up! Anti-Wanda could be gone forever and it's your fault!" Anti-Blonda complained.

"H-how is it my-" Anti-Schnozmo started to ask, but a note poofed in front of Anti-Blonda, which she grabbed and started to read it.

"How is she home? She wasn't with the bad influence?" Anti-Blond questioned as she finished reading the note. She poofed away, leaving Anti-Schnozmo's wand behind.

He grabbed his wand off the floor. "So, you say Anti-Cupid is the one who put Anti-Cosmo on Earth?"

"No, it's unknown who did or why. Maria is crazy, she just makes stuff up. Watch this, hey Maria, are you a lizard? Yes or no?" Ms. Magister asked.

"Yes," Maria said immediately.

"See, crazy. I can safely say that she's not a lizard."

Anti-Schnozmo wasn't listening to Ms. Magister. "Well, Anti-Cupid is a lot less incredibly scary compared to Anti-Binky. It's worth a try if anything," he said and poofed away.

Ms. Magister sighed. "We weren't supposed to tell anyone, you know." she mumbled

"Maria, you need to pay attention. Maria, use your words," Maria said.

"If you really did pay attention, do you know what mortal means? Or who in this room might be mortal?"

Maria didn't answer, she was busy putting books in alphabetical order.

"Excuse me sir, where is the nearest school of miserable mini humans?" Anti-Cosmo asked, making his voice as deep as he could. He was also moving the mouth of an unconscious adult to match his mouth movements.

"Um, the school is that way," another adult said and pointed in a direction.

"Indubitably," Anti-Cosmo said in his deep voice and moved the adult's mouth, then flew away in the direction the second adult pointed to.

"Alright then," the second adult said and took a step away from the unconscious one.

It didn't take Anti-Cosmo long to find the school and he poofed into it. He started floating around classes looking for something that could be a fairy until he eventually found the same hazmat suit kid from the lake. 'Wow, what a coincidence,' Anti-Cosmo thought. He was going to float over to the kid, but the door behind him opened.

"Oops. Wrong room," The green semi-long haired person who opened the door said. He had reading glasses over his green eyes. He grabbed Anti-Cosmo's hand and pulled him into the hallway and closed the door.

"Hey there anti-father," Anti-Cosmo said smiling.

"I already told you I can't poof you anywhere. My god kid is getting kind of close to telling everyone about me, and you won't be any help to that, so could you do me a favor and leave us alone?" The man asked.

"Well, you see you can only not transport banished magical creatures, but you can do other magical acts on them, such as turning them human and transporting them in that state."

"But humans can't stand on clouds," the man said.

"Yes, but Mr. Cosma, as a human I could fully well use fairy magic and replace you as a fairy godparent while you go and get me unbanished and then you come back and poof me to Anti-Fairy World," Anti-Cosmo said.

"And why should I do that for you?" Mr. Cosma asked.

"Well, for one, I'm your son's opposite, so it's your fault I was born in the first place. And also if you don't I'll tell everyone that your godchild has a fairy. His name was Charles, right?" Anti-Cosmo asked and then smiled innocently.

Mr. Cosma sighed. "I didn't even know it was possible to dislike both a fairy and his opposite, but I guess I'll go with it. Knowing my child, your plan must be at least somewhat intelligent."

"You know Cosmo's dumbness is all a ruse, right?"

"Sure it is," Mr. Cosma said and poofed Anti-Cosmo into a human. He made him the same age as his godchild, so Anti-Cosmo had a full mouth of teeth. He also had pure black hair and very pale skin to match the other kids. His eyes stayed the same color, but his wings and crown disappeared while his bright blue school uniform turned into the gray one the other kids were wearing. "Now wait here for a second," Mr. Cosma said and poofed away.

The fairy poofed back not long after and handed Anti-Cosmo a wand "Where'd you get this?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"There's a fairy couple not too far from here and I got them to let me have her unused wand," he explained. "Now, you better be a good temporary fairy to Charles. If you're not, you'll have more than just banishment to worry about."

"There's no need to be concerned, Anti-Father, Charles whatever-his-last-name-is will be in the best hands."

"It's Charles McBadbat, and he doesn't know how to deal with a lot of things, so don't force him into doing anything. If I find out you made him unhappy in any way, I'll-"

"Don't worry, I won't touch that tiny sack of germs, I'll just fulfill our every desires," Anti-Cosmo said, smiling at the powerful wand in his hands.

"You can only grant wishes that are permitted by da fairy rules, and I don't trust you so Charles has to wish for it too. Your wand won't work otherwise."

"You're no fun," Anti-Cosmo mumbled and walked into the classroom.

"Are you lost, little boy?" The teacher asked as Anti-Cosmo walked in and sat next to Charles. Charles was clearly not happy about it, but he didn't say anything yet.

"Un-indubitably. Educate me adult human, for I have a great need of knowledge and I required a place to sit next to the heavily clothed adolescent hither," Anti-Cosmo said, pointing at Charles.

'What the hell is he doing?' Mr. Cosma thought. 'He was talking relatively normally to me. Does he think humans talk like this or something?'

"I see. What's your name young man?" the teacher asked.

"Normal human just plain old Cosmo's the name," Anti-Cosmo said and looked at Charles. "I'm not the opposite, just Cosmo. I also love lakes." He said. He was trying to get the terrified looking kid to know that he was the anti-fairy from earlier to make him less terrified.

"Mrs. Fenton, I don't know how to deal with weird talking kids sitting next to me and I can't find my special green pen," Charles complained to the teacher, obviously not getting the hints.

"No need for a special pen here, my peer. I'll do anything you wish for me to do," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Okay then, where was I? Oh, yes," The teacher said and went back to teaching the class, ignoring Anti-Cosmo.

The fairy, who was watching Anti-Cosmo amazed by how weird his human talk was, finally decided to poof away to do his end of the deal, leaving the now human anti-fairy alone to grant Charles McBadbat's wishes.

Chapter Text

Anti-Cupid was trying to shoot replicas of the arrow he got earlier at a board, but it kept missing entirely. He even shot himself a couple of times, somehow. He poofed up another replica arrow when there was a quiet knock on the door. "Go away, I'm busy and I probably hate you!" Anti-Cupid yelled at the door. He pulled back his bow and started aiming at the board, but then there was loud, abrasive knocks which made Anti-Cupid let go of his bow prematurely. It landed as far away from the board as all the other arrows, it was probably the one of the closest arrows board too, but Anti-Cupid angrily floated to the door. "You made me miss my target!" He complained and poofed all the replica arrows away. He opened the door and floated backward as he saw who it was. "Anti-Mara, what a surprise! Why are you here?"

Anti-Mara had dark blue skin and much darker blue curly hair that raised in a cylindrical shape. Her red eyes glared at the anti-god. "I hear you banished my son," She hissed.

"Ha, well, um, about that," Anti-Cupid started to stay, stumbling over his words.

"Well, I wanted to tell you I have two sons. Banish him too. I'm tired of his ugly face," Anti-Mara commanded and shoved Anti-Schnozmo in front of her.

"No, I don't want to be banished! I'd rather go back to pretending Anti-Cosmo never existed!" Anti-Schnozmo pleaded.

"I'm sorry Anti-Mara, but I can't banish people without good reason," Anti-Cupid said.

"You had good reason to banish Anti-Cosmo?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"Of course. Have you seen his eyes? He's a freak of nature that doesn't deserve life," Anti-Cupid said.

"Have you seen his nose? It's barely existent! Their both terrible freaks of nature. Get rid of him too!"

"I told you I can't, but I can get you a drink. You could actually help me with something."

"Okay," Anti-Mara replied, "as long as it involves torturing."

"Why wouldn't it?" Anti-Cupid asked rhetorically. He started floating into a second room in his castle.

Anti-Mara put Anti-Schnozmo in the corner. "Don't move," She hissed.

"Wouldn't dream of it Mother," he mumbled. Anti-Mara raised her black wand and poofed into the room Anti-Cupid went into.

"Sir, there's a fairy here to see you," Anti-Jorgen said.

"A fairy? Who? It better not be my opposite."

"No, sir, it's Carter Cosma. He's the father of Anti-Cosmo's opposite," Anti-Jorgen said.

"Oh. Why on Earth is he here then?" Anti-Binky asked.

"I don't know, sir. Do you want him to come in?"

"Why not," the ruler of Anti-Fairy World mumbled.

Anti-Jorgen poofed away and poofed back not long after with Carter in fairy form next to him.

"Anti-Binky, right?" Carter asked. Anti-Binky stared at him in silence. "I'll take that as a yes. So, from what I gather, you banished this little anti-fairy. Funnily enough, he's my son's opposite and now he's bugging me because he's exiled to Earth."

"Why is this a problem? Just because you, a fairy I've never met before, don't like it I should unbanish the kid. He got sent to Earth for a reason," Anti-Binky argued.

"I don't doubt that. I only spent half a minute with him and he blackmailed me, but that's not the main issue. The main issue is that if Anti-Cosmo is banished, Cosmo won't be."

"I know," Anti-Binky said, "Jorgen is a pitiful ruler that would do anything in his power to spite me, but I don't care about your son. I barely care about the anti version of him either."

"If you barely care about Anti-Cosmo, then why did you banish him?" Carter asked.

"I didn't. Anti-Cupid did. Go leave and complain to him."

"But-" Carter started to say but Anti-Binky waved his hand and Anti-Jorgen poofed the fairy out of the castle.

"Okay children, by next class I expect an architectural structure that wouldn't collapse if it was actually made," the teacher said. "Also, McBadbat, I need you to stay after."

"Me? Oh, I don't know how to deal with staying after school," Charles said.

That's when the bell got rung and all the kids besides Charles and Anti-Cosmo filed out the door.

Mrs. Fenton was pretending that Anti-Cosmo didn't exist. "Do you know why I had you stay after today?" she asked. Charles was breathing heavily inside his suit, but he didn't say anything. "You're suit has been scaring some of the other kids. The school board needs you to not wear it."

"But, I don't know how to handle things outside of my suit," Charles said.

"You lived six years without it, you could go the rest of your life without it either." Anti-Cosmo raised his hand. Mrs. Fenton looked at him through the side of her eyes. "Yes Cosmo?" she asked.

"I possess an inquiry. You recently punctuated the phrase 'six years'. Is 'a year' a human synonym for the phrase 'Earth solar cycle?'" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Mrs. Fenton sighed and looked back at Charles. "Back to what I was saying, just take the suit off."

"But, what if I get the plague? I can't deal with plagues," Charles complained.

"You won't get the plague, but you will get sent to the principal's office if you keep it on."

"No, I can't go to the principal's office! I don't know how to deal with principal's!" Charles exclaimed he started taking off the hazmat suit, which revealed his thick light blonde hair.

"Okay, you're free to go," Mrs. Fenton said when Charles was completely out of his suit. He was wearing the normal gray and brown school uniform. With the permission to leave, Charles promptly acted on it. Anti-Cosmo followed him out of the class.

"Why were you wearing the suit anyway? You know you could just wish for the best immune system in the universe or something, right?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Charles stopped walking, so Anti-Cosmo did too. "Why are you following me? How do you know about wishes? Why aren't you talking weirdly anymore? I don't know how to deal with you! Go away! I wish you would go away!" Charles cried.

"Calm down. Also, I won't grant that wish, I need to be here. And since you're apparently too stupid to get my hints, I'm your temporary Fairy God Parent while your normal one is away on official business," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Mr. Cosma is gone? I don't know how to deal with that."

"Then you should pick up a thesaurus. Maybe you can learn how to not be able to 'handle' things. Or cope with things. Or manage, treat, tackle, control, take care of... There is a lot of synonyms you never seem to use," Anti-Cosmo complained.

"What are you talking about? I don't know how to deal with things I can't understand."

"Uh-hu. I wouldn't expect anything different. Do me a favor and say 'I wish my vocabulary was as big as Anti-Cosmo's'."

"Will that help me deal with things?"

"Sure."

"Okay," Charles said, "I wish my vocabulary was as big as Anti-Cosmo's"

Anti-Cosmo took a yellow-starred fairy wand out of his pocket. It glowed yellow and a pink cloud saying 'vocab' appeared around Charles then disappeared.

"You lied to me! I still don't know how to handle this!" the child exclaimed.

"I guess I miscalculated. Say 'I wish I had a highly powered Anti-Wand', that should help," Anti-Cosmo said.

"How?" Charles asked.

"It just will. Now don't question me; I have magic and you don't."

"Okay, sorry. I wish I had a highly powered anti-wand."

Anti-Cosmo happily raised his wand and poofed a black one into Charles's hand then took it from him. "So, this was just the first part, you see. You can't cope with a plethora of things, so this will take a while. Say 'I wish human Anti-Como could fly'."

Charles didn't even question it that time. "I wish human Anti-Como could fly," he said.

Anti-Cosmo smiled evilly. "Your wish is my command."

Carter poofed in front of Anti-Cupid's castle. To his surprise, the door was wide open so he just floated in.

"Anti-Cupid and Mother are in there," Anti-Schnozmo said and pointed to the room they were in. He was sitting in the corner his mom put him in.

"Is she already trying to get Anti-Cosmo unbanished?" Carter asked.

"No. She saw me talking myself into coming here and then came here herself to try and get me sent to Earth too," Anti-Schnozmo explained. "Why are you going to see Anti-Cupid?"

"Your brother is threatening to reveal me as a fairy godparent. I actually really like the kid I'm granting wishes for. He barely wishes for anything because he doesn't want to deal with consequences. It's a nice and easy job where I still get all the luxuries of being a godparent. Also, If I lose another god kid I'll get fired."

"Okay," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Okay," Carter replied and poofed into the room with Anti-Cupid and Anti-Mara.

~0~

"So, you see, I shot the arrow at someone and they utterly hate whatever the first thing they see is. This could ruin countless lives! I could give it to a prosperous scientist, then make him hate the concept of science and the stupid human race will all die with a lack of science. Then, because a scientist hated science, the world will implode and kill everyone again! It's genius!" Anti-Cupid said.

"I found exactly 7,834.6 reasons why that would never work, but I do enjoy the 'kill all humans' approach. I guess I could help you come up with a plan that's less incredibly idiotic, but it would also cost you some extra," Anti-Mara said.

"I banished your husband and least favorite son, isn't that good enough?"

"No."

"Damn," Anti-Cupid mumbled, then started thinking of something else he could offer. That's when Carter poofed into the room.

"I only work if there isn't a brightly colored version of my husband in the area. Get me when he's gone and the humans are ripe for killing," Anti-Mara said and poofed away.

Anti-Cupid glared at Carter. "Hey, You just made me lose one of the hate filled person in the universe! What does a stupid fairy like you want anyway?"

"You know Anti-Cosmo? Well, I need you to unbanish him."

"No! Do you know how hard it was to get rid of him in the process? My intelligence got insulted twice. And how'd you even know that I'm the one who banished him? Don't answer that, I don't care. Plus, you just interrupted my plan for world annihilation! I hate you. I hate Anti-Cosmo. I hate unbanishing. It's a lose, lose, lose if I do it," Anti-Cupid complained.

"Yes, but," Carter started, but Anti-Cupid poofed him into the middle of fairy world before he could continue. 'I guess I need a better way to to get Anti-Cosmo off of earth,' Carter thought. He raised his wand and poofed to a different part of Fairy World.

"Say 'I wish Anti-Cosmo wasn't the least intelligent being in the universe'," Anti-Cosmo said. He was floating between Charles and a giant pile of stuff that he made him wish for.

"I wish Anti-Cosmo wasn't the least intelligent being in the universe," Charles wished.

Anti-Cosmo raised his wand and it glowed. A pink poof appeared around Anti-Cosmo, but nothing happened. "That's stupid. Fine then, say 'I wish fairy Cosmo wasn't such a Goddamn genius'."

"Mr. Cosmo Sir, I don't think this is helping me at all," Charles said, his blue eyes looking at the floor.

"It's Anti-Cosmo. Also, trust me, it is helping." Anti-Cosmo reassured, "Now chop chop. The wish isn't going to wish itself."

"Okay. I'm sorry. I wish fairy Cosmo wasn't such a Goddamn genius."

Anti-Cosmo raised his wand and it glowed. Once it stopped, the now human anti-fairy looked at it in confusion. "Oh come on, that had to have done something," He mumbled. "Say 'I wish Anti-Cosmo had red eyes, like a normal Anti-Fairy'."

"Why didn't the last two work? Did you break the wand?" Charles asked, looking terrified.

"No, you did. You should try wishing for fewer things next time, you spoiled little dimwitted jackanapes," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I didn't wish for a single thing that I wanted to wish for!" Charles complained.

"And who's fault is that?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Charles looked back at the ground. "I don't like you," he mumbled.

"Yeah, so? My own mother doesn't even like me, why would I expect you to?"

"What about your dad?" Charles asked.

"I never met the guy. He got exiled to the bottom of the ocean before I was born," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I don't know how I would handle parents being in the bottom of the ocean."

"Yup. It's really hard. I cry every night. The only thing that helps me cope is other people listening to me when I say 'say 'I wish Anti-Cosmo had red eyes, like a normal Anti-Fairy''," Anti-Cosmo said.

Charles sighed. "I wish Anti-Cosmo had red eyes, like a normal Anti-Fairy," he mumbled.

"I feel less traumatized already," Anti-Cosmo said as he raised his wand again. His wand glowed and his eyes became a bright red color. "Did it work?"

"I don't know how to deal with red eyes," Charles said.

"I'll take that as a yes. Now say-" Anti-Cosmo started.

"I wish I could breathe underwater," Charles said.

"No, that's stupid. Do you know what's under the water? Well, I don't because I don't care. Nobody cares. You could at least wish for something useful, like, per ce, a very cloudy and rainy day instead of a hideous sun filled one," Anti-Cosmo suggested.

"But I like the sun," Charles said.

"So you like a burning ball of gases that will eventually expand and engulf the Earth, destroying it by simultaneously crushing it with gravity and burning it to a crisp, but that's just about six billion Earth solar cycles away. Currently, extended exposure to the sun leads to the fragile DNA of humans, which causes cells to multiply uncontrollably, leading to a tumor and then a horrific death. Are you sure you like the sun?" Charles was hyperventilating in fear and passed out, so he didn't answer. Anti-Cosmo sighed. "Stupid fragile humans. How am I supposed to get rain now?" he mumbled.

Carter poofed back into Anti-Cupid's and grabbed the unattended, black-hearted arrow. He looked like he just got into a huge fight with bruises all over him.

"What happened?" Anti-Schnozmo asked. He was still sitting in the corner.

"Apparently wives don't like it when you abandon them with their two terrible children for a year with no intention to return, then return for really selfish reasons," Carter muttered.

"I'll try to remember that."

"Okay, good," Carter said. He raised his wand to poof away but then looked back at Anti-Schnozmo. "Actually I think I need your help. Come with me."

"I can't. Mother would be mad at me," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"You do know she left when I arrived, right?"

Anti-Schnozmo looked at the ground. "Yeah, that seems likely," he mumbled and raised his wand too. "Where are we going anyways?"

~~~00~~~

"No, no, no, no, no, no! I never agreed to this!" Anti-Schnozmo protested.

"Sure you did," Carter said and took his anti-son's wand, "Now go be a good little bait and attract Cupid out here."

"NO! He's bright and love filled, and powerful, and-"

Carter rolled his eyes. "Oh help! There's an anti-fairy out here trying to spread his anti-fairyness!" He yelled.

Multiple of Cupid's baby-like workforce poofed in front of Anti-Schnozmo and aimed their white hearted arrows at the anti-teen. Since Carter took his wand, he started screaming and flying around in circles as fast as he could so he wouldn't get hit by the arrows. All the noise brought more of Cupid's workforce, which made Anti-Schnozmo scream louder, which then brought out even more. Carter floated off to the side waiting patiently with his wand and the anti-arrow ready in his hands.

Eventually, a fairy poofed out with his arms crossed. He was identical to Anti-Cupid expect with a white and pink color scheme. Pink eyes and hair, but also pink accents on his mostly white shirt which had pink hearts instead of buttons. The fairy also had white fluffy wings instead of blue insect-like ones, and he had no crown. "What's going on out here? I can't focus on getting ready for human love day with all this noise!" the fairy scolded. All the baby like fairies stopped firing the arrows, so Anti-Schnozmo stopped flying in circles and his behind Carter. "Go back inside and get the love tanks ready for tomorrow."

"Yes Cupid Sir," They all said in unison and poofed away. Cupid looked at Carter, who then pushed Anti-Schnozmo in front of him.

"Distract him," Carter whispered to the anti-child, then he poofed away.

Cupid glared at Anti-Schnozmo. "So you're the one who's interrupting my work? What are you even doing in Fairy World?"

"Um, well, you see, you know your opposite? Well, I'm sure you do, he is the god of hate after all, so there would be some butting of heads there. I met my opposite once, he didn't understand the whole anti-fairy concept though, he never went to school, but he knows now so don't worry. I guess you might not know your opposite if you never went to school. Did you go to school? Do god's go to school? Did Anti-Cupid go to school? He is an idiot, so maybe not, or maybe he did and was just the kid that pinned all of his work on the easily threatened kid like everybody in my class," Anti-Schnozmo rambled.

Cupid raised an eyebrow. "You're weird."

"I get that a lot," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled and looked at the floor. Suddenly a pink cloud saying 'Anti-poof?' appeared in between the two magical creatures. A kid identical to Anti-Cosmo as an anti-fairy was inside the cloud.

"Wow. I know love is nauseating, but jeez. Can you get any brighter?" the Anti-Cosmo look-alike said. He sounded identical too.

"Who are you?" Cupid asked.

"Anti-Cosmo?! How'd you get unbanished?" Anti-Schnozmo asked in astonishment.

"Dad asked me to come here, if that's what you know. He also asked me to do this," the Anti-Cosmo look-alike said. The black anti-arrow got poofed into his hand and he plunged it into Cupid's arm.

"Where did you get this from? It looks like-" Cupid started to say, but stopped when he took the arrow out of him. His pink eyes flashed red for a second as he looked at the Anti-Cosmo like child.

"DID YOU POISON THE GOD OF LOVE!?" Anti-Schnozmo exclaimed.

The child shrugged. "Assuming the black arrow had hatred magic, yes. Hate would seem to poison a love icon," he said, then he looked at Anti-Schnozmo. "By the way, What's an icon? And poison?" He asked, his voice slowly losing the accent and getting even more high pitched.

The two young magical creatures then got poofed to be in front of Anti-Cupid's castle. "Hey, I know you! You're Roberto, the talking chinchilla!" the Anti-Cosmo imposter said pointing at Carter, who lowered his wand.

"Do you disguise Fairy-Cosmo as my brother? Why?" Anti-Schnozmo questioned.

"He wasn't disguised. With my Godparent magic, I can make fairies become their literal exact opposite for a limited amount of time. Your real brother is human right now, so it shouldn't affect him. And why is so he can be off of Earth," Carter explained. As he did, the blue and black colors melted off of Cosmo, making him his normal bright fairy self.

"He's human right now? Nevermind, I won't question that, but how will this help Anti-Cosmo?"

"You'll see."

"Can we get cookies for human love day? I like cookies," Cosmo said.

"Ask your mother," Carter said and poofed Cosmo away.

"Um, okay, now what?" Anti-Schnozmo asked. He decided it was best to not question Carter's strange bitterness towards his son.

"Anti-Cupid! I have a proposition for you!" Carter yelled.

"Don't you have a less loud way to get people's attention?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"Nope."

Anti-Cupid poofed out. "Weren't you two here earlier? Go away, I hate you and your ugly faces."

"You know the kid you threw to Earth a while ago? Well, how do you feel about him now?" Carter asked.

"I hate him almost as much as I hate all of fairy kind, and that's saying a lot," Anti-Cupid remarked.

"Yup. And what about now?"

"Same as two seconds ago. Do you honestly expect a change in opinion that fa-" Anti-Cupid started, but then his eyes glowed pink for a second.

"And now?" Carter asked with a smug smile on his face.

Anti-Cupid suddenly looked petrified. "How could I have exiled such a perfect anti-fairy! Anti-Binky's intimidation has nothing on Anti-Cosmo's amazingness!" Anti-Cupid exclaimed and poofed away.

"Take note, that is how you manipulate people to do your bidding," Carter said.

"I physically can't manipulate people. Anti-Cosmo on the other hand…" Anti-Schnozmo said and trailed off.

"Speaking of which, I should probably separate him and my godchild," Carter said and poofed away.

"Oh. I guess I should go back home then," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled to himself and raised his wand to poof away.

Anti-Cosmo rummaged through the random things he made Charles wish for before he fainted. He pulled a brown paper bag out of the pile. "Why did I even wish for this? I guess it would have been useful when Charles was breathing weirdly," He said to himself. Anti-Cosmo floated over to the unconscious child and put the bag over his head. "Well, I got one some use out of it. Now people won't needlessly question the unconscious child's unconsciousness and just assume he's intoxicated or some human thing like that."

"WOAH! Look at all that stuff!" a kid exclaimed from behind Anti-Cosmo.

The former anti-fairy quickly fell to his feet and looked at where the sound came from. It was a kid from Charles's class. This kid had curly yellow hair and brown eyes. He didn't see Anti-Cosmo until he said: "Begone my fellow human."

"Oh, you're that weird kid. How'd you get all this stuff? Are you rich or something?" the child asked.

"Indeed. The land in which I possess is great and bountiful. I can employ peasants to forge such magnificent items as such."

"I don't understand a word you're saying. Are you French? I hear the French are crazy."

"No. I can speak French though," Anti-Cosmo said, then he got an idea. "Hey, you're a human right?"

"I think. What's a human?" the kid asked.

"Not important. How do you awaken a human that cued over due to unnatural breathing?"

"Oh, I know this! You either put water on their face or drain their blood to get rid of the cueing over germs. I'm going to be a medic when I get older! Then I'll be rich like you!"

"Okay, sure you will. Go fetch water young servant." Anti-Cosmo demanded.

"We're the same age, but okay! My name is Amleth by the way," the kid said then ran off to get water.

"See, the bag worked wonders. That child didn't even suspect that I freaked you out with beyond human level science," Anti-Cosmo said to the unconscious child. Needless to say, he didn't get a reply. Instead, Carter poofed up next to him.

"What in the world is that?" he asked, referring to the wish pile.

"Charles's wishes," Anti-Cosmo lied. "He's a very needy child you know."

Since Carter knew Charles, he knew that was a complete lie. "Weren't you scared of magic truthers finding you? How is this hiding?" he asked.

"You know that girl you poofed away when we first met? I cared a lot less after she was gone. Weird, isn't it? Also, Mum always says that humans are overly proud to be humans and bring it up a lot and use big words that they hardly know the meaning of to sound smarter. Is this true, because I'm doing exactly that and they don't seem to understand me. Am I doing it too well?"

Carter ignored Anti-Cosmo's questions and looked at his godkid. "And why the bag?"

"It's to hide his face of mind-blownness from idiot humans."

"Okay then," Carter said and poofed Anti-Cosmo back into an anti-fairy and took the fairy wand from him. "You should be unbanished right about now," he said.

Anti-Cupid poofed up next to Anti-Cosmo. "Are you okay? My deepest apologies for banishing you, my all great master."

"Yeah, you might have to deal with that for a while," Carter said.

"Approximately half an Earth rotation until Cupid's godly body rejects all the hate poison. We shall enjoy every second of it together, my love," Anti-Cupid said.

"Okay, cool. Can you poof stuff up for me?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Indeed my love."

"Nice! Let's go!" Anti-Cosmo said. The two anti-fairies poofed away.

Not long after, Amleth walked back to the wish pile with a bucket of cold water. Carter poofed into a green squirrel and hid from the new child. "The lake was somehow dry, so I got this from the well." The kid said, then looked around. "Where'd you go french rich kid?" He asked then looked at Charles. "Medical skills activate!" He exclaimed and dumped the water on Charles's head.

Charles immediately sat up straight. "Everything's dark! I don't know how to handle darkness!" He yelled.

Amleth took the now soggy bag off Charles's face. "Hey, you're friends with that rich kid right? The one with green eyes?"

"Um. I know him," Charles said.

"Awesome! Wanna be friends? I need being rich tips. Also, can I have all that rich person stuff that your friend left behind?"

"O-okay," Charles said, not really knowing what to do.

"I'll take that as yes to both! Thank you, new friend! The name's Amleth by the way. Amleth Buxaplenty." Amleth said.

"Charles McBadbat," Charles said.

Amleth smiled, then realized something. "Oh yeah, that's why I came back here! I forgot my math book! Be right back," he said and ran to the school.

Carter came out of hiding and jumped on Charles's shoulder. "So, is a friend worth putting up with Anti-Cosmo?" He asked.

"A little. I've always wanted a friend. I've heard that they're easy to deal with," Charles said.

"That's good, I guess. Just don't get too happy with your new friend. You don't want to go without me again, do you?"

"No way! I never want you to leave again! That was torture! And I'll make sure not to tell anyone about you either."

Carter smiled. "That's good," he said. "And now with two friends, you won't be as lonely on love day tomorrow."

"Indeed."

"Did Anti-Cosmo teach you new words?" Carter asked.

"Yes. I can speak every language now. It's weird. I don't know how to deal with it."

"Of course you don't."

Chapter Text

Anti-Schnozmo trudged tiredly into Anti-Cosmo's room. He shook his little brother awake and mumbled: "Anti-Cosmo, get ready for school."

"But it's a holiday," Anti-Cosmo complained without opening his eyes.

"It's only a holiday for leprechauns and you know this."

Anti-Cosmo groaned. "But there's so much bright green. And so much good luck! It's torture!"

"Yep. Now get dressed. My magic can't work today. We're also going to have to walk to school," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"And by walk to school, you literally mean walk, right?"

"Of course. The Irish are going crazy with their luck this year." Anti-Schnozmo said. "Oh, and guess what…" Anti-Schnozmo knew Anti-Cosmo wasn't going to guess, so he just said "It's super sunny outside. Perfect for our walk to school."

"Oh boy. I can't think of anything to fill me with more jubilation," Anti-Cosmo said sarcastically.

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled.

Anti-Cosmo walked into room 720, which only had Ms. Magister and Maria. "You're an hour late." Ms. Magister said.

"Shut up," Anti-Cosmo said bitterly. "And where's Anti-Wanda?"

"Like a normal anti-fairy, she stayed home today," Ms. Magister said.

"It's Maria and Anti-Cosmo day!" Maria said happily.

"Nope," Anti-Cosmo said and turned around. "I'm not staying here if it's just you two. I'm out." He walked out of the classroom.

"No, no, no! Anti-Cosmo will not go! Maria and Anti-Cosmo day," Maria exclaimed. She ran out of the room to the anti-fairy. "Anti-Cosmo will not go. Anti-Cosmo and Maria will Patrick day together."

"Why?" Anti-Cosmo complained, "What's even to point of Saint Patrick's day? It's just an excuse for humans to-"

"To go silly," Maria finished and raised a large yellow fairy wand.

"Is that's Ms. Teacher's wand?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Maria smiled. "So if human silly, then elf silly, and anti-fairy silly," She said and poofed up two giant glass bottles. She handed one to Anti-Cosmo.

"What is this? I was going to say it's an excuse for humans to be given good luck. Is this liquidated luck? That doesn't exist, right? How would luck even be liquified?" Anti-Cosmo questioned. Maria took the cork off her bottle and shoved it into Anti-Cosmo's mouth, shutting him up. Anti-Cosmo took it out. "Hey, that's pretty good," he mumbled.

"Yes, Anti-Cosmo is happy," Maria said and smiled.

"I wouldn't say happy, per se, but not terrible," Anti-Cosmo said and started drinking out of the bottle again.

Ms. Magister floated out of the class and took her wand back from Maria. "What's that?" She asked, looking at the bottles Anti-Cosmo had.

"Silly juice," Maria said.

"That's the juice made by apple innards, isn't it?" Ms. Magister asked.

Anti-Cosmo smiled slightly. "You know, one could be lead to think that the opposite of innards is outards, but outards isn't a word. Neither is outdent."

"Truly riveting information you got there," Ms. Magistar said sarcastically.

"Outformation also-"

"Yeah, I stopped caring," Ms. Magister said. She used her wand to levitate Maria off the floor. "By the way, you can leave if you want and I won't mark you absent," she told Anti-Cosmo.

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "Well, what am I supposed to do if not learn?" He asked and drank more out of the bottle.

"You can stay if you insist," Ms. Magister said. "But if you say anything about 'outsist' not being a word, then you can't stay."

"Okay," Anti-Cosmo agreed and followed Ms. Magister and Maria back to the classroom. With the bottles in hand.

There was a knock on the door to the Anti-Fairywinkle house. Anti-Blonda swung open the door. "What took you so damn long?" She asked Anti-Schnozmo.

"I had to finish school so I wouldn't get yelled at, and because of the good luck I had to walk," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Well, have fun walking home with your weird brother," Anti-Blonda said. She walked to Anti-Wanda and Anti-Cosmo with Anti-Schnozmo walking close behind. Anti-Wanda was messing with Anti-Cosmo, who was sitting waveringly, smiling like a crazy person, and staring at nothing.

"What happened to him? He'd never smile on St. Patrick's day," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"I don't know. He was telling Anti-Wanda about 'outards' for a couple hours. It could have been because of something to do with that."

"I think he was so sad at school without me that his sadness became happiness and then he exploded," Anti-Wanda suggested.

"Whatever the reason is, I would rather not spend an already tedious holiday with your tedious, bad role model of a brother," Anti-Blonda said and picked Anti-Cosmo up by his school uniform, then handed him to Anti-Schnozmo.

The sudden movement seemed to snap Anti-Cosmo out of his trance and slightly reopen his eyes. "Heeeeeey brootther," he slurred.

"Hi. Um, are you okay?" Anti-Schnozmo asked as Anti-Blonda started pushing the two of them out the door

"Of course my dear brother," Anti-Cosmo said. "But I've been wondering, like, my whole life about what the opposite of opposite is. Is it opposite? Opposite-ception?" Anti-Cosmo laughed. "Is it walrus?" he asked still laughing.

Anti-Wanda laughed too. "That's not the opposite of opposite. It's really octopus, because they all start with a C," she said.

"Anti-Wanda, please stay out of this," Anti-Blonda said and closed the door with the Anti-Cosma's outside.

"Wait, where'd Anti-Wanda go?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"She's just inside her house, and now we're outside of it. And the opposite of opposite is the same. Are you sure that you're fine?"

"Of course! I'm always fine. Also, what's the opposite of me, if me is the opposite of anti-Anti-Cosmo?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

Anti-Schnozmo sighed. "I hope you magically cure yourself by tomorrow," He mumbled.

"Will tomorrow also be the day of Patrick the saint? Cause I love Saint Patrick's day! And I love green! And I loooove you!"

"I love you too, but it would be nice if you did less impulsive things. I know Cosmo isn't the most thoughtful guy, so a lack of impulse control would probably the adolescent plasticity of anti-fairies, therefore, you are capable of not doing it."

Anti-Cosmo nodded. "I see I see. I only have one question though, what is the antonym of synonym?"

Anti-Schnozmo shook his head. 'Just in one ear and out the other, but what did I really expect,' he thought. "I'll tell you tomorrow."

~~tomorrow~~

"Still wanna know what the antonym of synonym is?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"Shut up," mumbled Anti-Cosmo. A bunch of brightly colored butterflies flew out of his mouth and into a net he was holding.

"It's actually antonym or any of antonym's synonyms. Isn't that crazy."

Anti-Cosmo glared at his brother. "I hate you and Saint Patrick's day."

Anti-Schnozmo ruffled Anti-Cosmo's hair. "That's not what you said yesterday."

Anti-Cosmo pushed the anti-teen's hand off and fixed his hair slightly. "If you touch me again I will kill you viciously and happily consume your miserable, mangled corpse."

Anti-Cosmo growled as Anti-Schnozmo ruffed his hair again. "Glad you're back."

Chapter Text

A young girl enters a dark and foreboding log cabin in the middle of the woods. A man sits in the shadows sharpening some sort of metal.

"Go away!" The man sneers.

"Hello sir, I am Tanis Turner and I have-" The girl started.

"I said go away. You have the wrong guy, trust me." The man interrupted.

"Aren't you Ludwig Gage, infamous crazy person?" Tanis asked. The man stopped his sharpening. "I'll take that as a yes. I come from Ye Old Dimmesdale and I've come to understand that you believe in magical creatures. My life has been ruined by them. I was kidnapped as a baby, allegedly by an invisible evil wind like substance that can make things appear out of thin air with a glimmer of blue light. Stories like that got my father and the Turner named shunned. After being trapped for a decade, I returned telling stories of a rebuilding castle, dragons, and a boy that can appear and disappear if you close your eyes. My own tribe found me a disgrace. I need your help to seek revenge on the magic wind and the red eyed magical boy with a small nose."

The man smiled from the shadows. "I think you're dealing with the negmagwajes," he said.

"The what?"

"They're like magwajes, but the exact opposite. My mom was secretly a magwaje, that's why she called my a crazy crock-a-doodle, because I was onto her and her secrets."

"Okay," Tanis said, sort of weirded out. "Well, the sooner I can get my revenge, the better soooo…"

The man shoved a huge pile of papers into Tanis's hands and quickly went back to the shadows.

"What's this?" She asked.

"Ashes, ashes, we all catch Fairies!" the man screeched.

"What's a fairy?"

"The research will tell, or so I'm told. Ever since the cure, the voices have just not stopped talking. But the rainbow, you need to taste it!"

"I-i'll keep that in mind," Tanis mumbled and quickly left. She could hear the man's crazy laughter as she walked away. 'What a maniac,' she thought, then looked at the pages upon pages she was given. 'At least it's a start, I guess.' She looked up at the sky and saw a rainbow. 'Strange, it's not even wet season. Didn't Gage tell me to taste the rainbow?...'

"Hey, you know how the fairies finished their rainbow bridge 30 rotations, or days as they want us to say now, earlier than expected?" Anti-Cosmo asked Anti-Wanda.

"Nope," Anti-Wanda replied.

"Good point," Anti-Cosmo said then poofed a few feet over to Ms. Magister's side. "Hey, you know how the fairies finished their rainbow bridge 30 days earlier than expected?" he asked his teacher.

"Yeah. Why do you care? Why should I care?" She asked.

"Well, now Anti-Binky is jealous and is making an anti-bridge to earth. And I'm the reason the bridge was made so fast because I made Cupid furious and he demanded for the Mid Hole to close, forcing production on the bridge to go faster. Technically, I'm cause the anti-bridge to be built so I'm basically ruler of Anti-Fairy World already!" Anti-Cosmo said happily.

"Great logic ya got there. Why is everybody not bowing to you yet?" Ms. Magister said super sarcastically.

"Don't doubt my overthrowing skills. I will eventually take over Anti-Fairy World, I have all of eternity to try."

"I can judge you're 'overthrowing skills' as much as I want. You have a world leader, god, and anti-god who all hate you and your not even two yet. It doesn't seem like you're any closer to becoming a ruler."

Anti-Cosmo poofed back over to Anti-Wanda. "So did she know about the bridge thingy?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Okay. Wanna play instead?"

"Sure," Anti-Cosmo said and the two of them grabbed stuff of of the shelves.

Tannis stopped at the base of a rainbow. She had a belt covered in weird contraptions on. She tried to touch on the rainbow, but her hand just phased through, then she put her foot, which was wearing a brightly colored complicated looking shoe, on it and it stayed. Tannis smiled. "I knew he wasn't that crazy," Tannis said to herself, then ran up the rainbow.

At the top was Schnozmo and Cosmo staring down at Earth. "It's so pretty!" Cosmo exclaimed as he stared at the newly finished rainbow bridge.

"Do you remember our plan to find father?" Schnozmo asked.

"Nope. Wait, it involved french fries right?"

"Not even close, but I could still work with that."

"Okay. Who's that? Is that the plan? Does she have french fries?" Cosmo asked his big brother. He watched as a human climbed the steep rainbow bridge, and surprisingly succeeding.

"Um, no to all of those questions, I guess. You know you can poof up french fries yourself, right?" Schnozmo asked.

"Oh yeah," Cosmo said happily. He raised his yellow starred wand and poofed fire onto himself and his brother. "Schnozmo, these fries are spicy," Cosmo said, seemingly unfazed by being on fire.

"Yep. Could you try to make lava for me?" Schnozmo asked. He was also mostly unfazed by the fire too.

"What's lava?"

"Fire juice."

"Okay!" Cosmo happily said. He raised his wand and poofed water over the two of them. They were dripping wet and their green hair was covered in the fire's ashes, making it seem black. "Awe, that wasn't fire juice."

"Indeed it wasn't," Schnozmo said, smiling slightly at his masterful reverse psychology.

The brothers were too preoccupied with the fire that they didn't notice the girl reach the top of the rainbow. She was staring at Schnozmo as she caught her breath. Because of the now black hair, in her mind it clicked almost immediately who he was. "Hey, you're a big nosed, green eyed, incredibly short, and somehow flying version of the kid who abandoned me. Are you the magwaje to his negmagwaje?" She asked.

Schnozmo raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. "The name's Schnozmo, by the way. And what the hell is a magwaje?"

"Is it french fries?" Cosmo asked. He knocked the ash off his hair, making it green again.

"I think another word for it is fairy. The stuff Ludwig wrote was really quite confusing," Tannis said.

Schnozmo straightened his head and smiled. "Oh, I know all about fairies! I know all about anti-fairies too. Not so much pixie's though, but from what I hear nobody cares about pixies, so I still have no regrets for skipping out on school."

"I don't know what a regret is, but I didn't go to school too because I'm deemed a level three hazzard. I don't know what that means either," Cosmo added.

Tannis stared at them in confusion for a second, but then got over it. "Okay, so you must be the opposite of the person who abandoned me. Take me to your opposite now, or I'll do something that you won't like."

"Uh-hu. And what's in it for me?" Schnozmo asked.

"I just told you, you idiot."
"I'll do it if you bring me a wand. Like a real wand that's not fundamentally broken like this one," Schnozmo said as he pointed to Cosmo's wand, "But identical to this one."

"Okay, whatever, I'll do that. Now send me to your opposite," Tannis said.

"Gotcha, mate. Cosmo poof this human to infront of me."

"Okey-dokey!" Cosmo happily said. He raised his wand and poofed her away.

"This will show how much you truly know about Magic Theory," a teacher said energetically as she passes out tests. This teacher was an average fairy with short blonde hair and blue eyes. "And remember, no cheating," She added and then glanced at Anti-Schnozmo. "And no letting people cheat off of you."

"Gniaehc ni egludni ot srehto wolla reven dluow I," Anti-Schnozmo said. He tried to smile innocently, but it came off more nervous than anything.

The teacher looked at him disappointedly then floated away to pass out the rest of the tests.

"I don't think you should lie anymore, you're not good at it," Anti-Blonda whispered to Anti-Schnozmo. She was in the desk next to him.

"Yeah, I know. I can lie if I don't know I'm lying, though, so that's something," Anti-Schnozmo whispered back.

"Sure it is," Anti-Blonda mumbled.

Suddenly a pink cloud saying piof, instead of poof, appeared in front of the two anti-fairies, and Tannis was there once it dissipated.

"What? You? How?" Anti-Schnozmo asked her in bewilderment.

"You!" Tannis hissed and glared at the anti-teen.

"Oh, yeah, you would hate me," he mumbled and poofed away.

"A human!" Anti-Blonda exclaimed and poofed herself away.

The remaining students stared at the human in wonder. "Excuse me, but how did you get here? You look a little too old to have a fairy god parent," the teacher said.

"Where did the annoying voiced one go? I need him," Tannis replied.

Next to her a young, bright eyed gnome touched something on her belt. The contraption expanded and exploded, spewing flakes of a gray substance.

"Don't touch my things!" Tannis scolded and took a step back from the child.

The teacher picked up some flakes and stared at it. "Iron…" She mumbled, then looked at the human next to her. "You shouldn't be bringing iron to this school, young lady. I'm going to have to send you back to your planet."

"No, I need that negmagwaje!" Tannins exclaimed. She grabbed another device off of her belt and threw it at the fairy hand holding the wand. In another exposing of iron flakes, the bright yellow wand got dropped to the floor. The students watched silently as Tannins grabbed the wand off the floor and ran out of the class.

A black haired, purple eyed teenage fairy with fairly large muscles flouted out of his seat. "Don't fret, my fairy educator! I will retrieve your wand for you!" he declared with a Spanish accent.

"Juandissimo, sit back down. I think this is serious. Iron could do serious damage to anti-fairies," the teacher said as she floated over and pressed a button under her desk.

Vice principal Meyer poofed next to the teacher. "Mrs. Ashcraft, both Principal Benes and I are very busy right now, can it wait?" Meyer asked.

"No, it can't. There's an older looking human on the premises that is carrying iron and has stolen a fairy wand," the teacher explained.

"Oh my goodness, that's terrible! We'll get on it right away," Meyer said and poofed hastily away.

"There must be a way to use this magwaje stick of magic to find that negmagwaje," Tannis said to herself. "Maybe if I just think about what I want…" She closed her eyes and lifted the wand, making it glow a bright yellow. When her eyes reopened, she was standing in front of a door that said 'room 720' with 'special needs' being said underneath. Tannis shrugged. 'I guess this is where,' she thought.

~~~a little earlier~~~

"Look what I made Anti-Wanda!" Anti-Cosmo said as he raised a weird contraption made from broken children toys.

Anti-Wanda tilted her head in confusion. "What's that?"

"It, if my calculations are correct, will attract all anti-wands to me. If my calculations are wrong it will blow up and destroy the whole school. A fifty fifty chance, but either way is ideal, so let's try it!"

Anti-Wanda smiled. "Yeah! I wanna see an explosion!"

Anti-Cosmo flipped a switch-like thing. The device glowed yellow. "I was expecting a blue glow, so prepare for an explosion."

"I've made all the toys explosion proof since saint patrick's day," Ms. Magister said uncaringly.

"What did I do on saint Patrick's day?"

"What didn't you do is the real question, but I'm not going to answer to either."

"Why? Nevermind, I don't care." Anti-Cosmo looked at Anti-Wanda. "What do you think this does then if not explode?"

Anti-Wanda shrugged. "Make ice cream? But not chocolate ice cream because that's not delicious."

"Good quess, let's see," Anti-Cosmo said. The two anti-fairies stare intently at the device. A few seconds later Maria walks up to them holding Ms. Magister's wand.

"Does Anti-Cosmo device attract fairy wand?" She asked. The young elf dropped the wand and it moved slowly to the device like wek magnets would.

"Aw, that's the opposite of what I wanted," Anti-Cosmo complained.

Suddenly, Anti-Schnozmo poofed into the room next to his brother. "If anybody asks I'm dead. You pick how," the anti-teen said quickly then promptly poofed back out.

Anti-Blonda poofed into the room nearly directly after that. "Anti-Wanda no time to explain we need to leave!" she said also very quickly and poofed away with her sister.

"Hey! She can't just poof away a student and/or staff member from school during school hours without direct consent before hand, therefore it's against the rules. Poof Anti-Wanda back, you're contractually obligated to do so," Anti-Cosmo demanded Ms. Magister as he threw her wand at her.

"Did you seriously read the rules enough to come across that. Well, I guess listen to the rules since your illiterate," Ms. Magister said.

"Can you just poof her back?"

Ms. Magister smiled. "I don't know, can I?"

Anti-Cosmo glared at his teacher. "I hate you," he growled.

Ms. Magister made her wand glow in her hand. "The feeling's mutual."

The Anti-Fairywinkle twins reappeared back in the class with a pink poof cloud. "No, no, no, no, no!" Anti-Blonda mumbled. She raised her hand as if there was a wand in it, even though there wasn't. Anti-Wanda's magic rattle wasn't with them either. "What happened to my wand? I need it!" She exclaimed once she noticed.

"You're not going to take away Anti-Wanda from this riveting learning environment; it's against the rules," Anti-Cosmo told her.

"You're such an idiot!" she hissed at Anti-Cosmo. "I'm saving my sister from a tall, gross, probably dangerous-" Anti-Blonda got cut off by the door to the room opening. "Human," she finished.

Anti-Wanda smiled. "A real live human! I've never seen one before!" She said and tried to fly to the human. Anti-Blonda stopped her before she got far at all.

"Yes you have," Anti-Cosmo said to Anti-Wanda, "remember when we when to Earth?"

"Oh yeah! The marshmallow human thing. I liked him."

"I didn't."

Completely ignoring the anti-fairies, Blaine and Dillan were staring at the human. "How could a human get into the school? Humans can't walk on clouds," Blaine asked

'Can we play with the human?' Dillan signed.

"A human that old shouldn't be able to get to the middle lands at all," Ms. Magister said. She took her wand back from Maria. "And shouldn't have a fairy's wand either."

"I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want to find one specific negmagwaje," Tannis said.

"What's a negma-jiggy?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Don't talk to the human," Anti-Blonda whispered to her sister. They were in the corner of the room farthest from the door together. Anti-Cosmo also went to the corner with them just 'cause.

"Are there negmagwajes here? Is one of them the red eyed scrawny one that left me to die in a castle after stealing my hair, because I only want him," Tannis said.

Anti-Blonda then realized who the human probably was. She looked at Anti-Cosmo. "So this human is you and your terrible brother's fault."

"I wouldn't put it past us, we're both idiots. Well, I should say that Anti-Schnozmo was an idiot." Anti-Cosmo got fake tears in his eyes as he put the back of his hand dramatically to his head. "Alas, this world, nor any other, shall ever contain his stupidity again, for he has passed on. Nobody ever thought that an anti-fairy could die from being so pathetic that he implodes, but my dear brother showed it was possible. He will be missed."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"Anti-Schnozmo dyed. It was so sad."

"That is sad," Anti-Wanda said. She couldn't tell that Anti-Cosmo was lying. Then the silver and gold crests on the student's uniforms and Ms. Magister's wands started pulsing light. The wand in Tannis's hand turned brown and flopped over. She dropped it, not knowing what was going on.

'Emergency evacuation in 5… 4...' the glowing objects started counting down in a robotic pixie-like voice.

"No," Tannis mumbled. She took off her belt and made one of the device's dispense a thinly stringed net, turning the belt into the top of a butterfly net.

'3… 2…'

Tannis threw the net in the general direction she thought the anti-fairies were in. The net ricocheted off the wall and it actually went around all three of the antti-children.

"A net?" Anti-Blonda questioned quietly.

'1..' the badges and wand continued. A second later all the magical creatures that weren't in the net disappeared in a glow of light.

"Where'd they go?" Anti-Wanda asked Anti-Blonda. She didn't respond

"Why do I feel like I've been trapped in a net before?" Anti-Cosmo asked nobody.

"W-what have you done t-to us?" Anti-Blonda asked while stuttering with fear.

"Well, you're invisible like the negmagwaje that I'm looking for, so I activated the 'super duper net thing' since it can catch anything that flies.

"I can fly," Anti-Wanda said happily.

"That is the worst name I've ever heard for a device in my life," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I didn't name it, the Gage did."

"Infamous magic-truther Ludwig "Crocker" Gage? I listened to book about him. " Anti-Cosmo said.

"His middle name is Crocker?" Tanis asked.

"No, that was his nick name throughout school because he was crazy. By the way, negmagwaje's are actually called anti-fairies," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Oh, thanks, that's what I thought," Tannis said.

"Don't help the human," Anti-Blonda whispered to him as she tried to find a way out. Lifting it didn't work, so now she's trying the devices on the side of the belt. One opened to show hundreds of little flakes of iron.

"What's that?" Anti-Wanda asked as she look into the device.

"Something that you'll never touch in your life," Anti-Blonda said and dragged her sister to the other side of the net.

"Is it iron?" Anti-Cosmo asked as he flew to it. He stuck his hand in to it then took it out. "It is iron. Cool."

"Can I stick my hand in it?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Never. And never do anything Anti-Cosmo ever does, he's a freak of nature," Anti-Blonda said and covered her sister's eyes with her hands.

"That's gotta be the nicest thing you've ever called me. I feel so honored," Anti-Cosmo said sarcastically. Anti-Wanda took Anti-Blonda's hands off of her.

Tannis was standing in front of the net, trying to guess where the three were and what they were doing, but she decided that it didn't really matter. "Listen, I just wanna find one anti-fairy that I'm pretty sure is named Anti-Schnozmo. I'll let you go if you tell me, but if not I'll throw this iron on you."

Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Like that's a threat," he said, "Sure iron hurts for a while, but after a few months in the iron sandbox it really loses it's punch. We're all old enough to practically have full immunity."

"What's immunity? Also, can I have an iron sandbox?" Anti-Wanda asked. Anti-Blonda shushed her instead of answering.

"In addition, freedom from this net is absurd since I could easily escape. I need something better if you want me to work with you, especially if you want me to give up my source of not terrible magic. I'll do it for the anti-wand of an adult anti-fairy, and nothing less," Anti-Cosmo said.

"No," Tannis said, "I can't get an anti-wand, whatever that is, and you can't get out without the help of a mortal. Just tell me were the anti-fairy is."

"No thanks, I have another plan," Anti-Cosmo said and smiled mischievously. "You see, earlier I was being questioned on my overthrowing skills. To prove to my terrible teacher that I can, and will, overthrow Anti-Binky, first I'll overthrow you."

"Yeah right. I've read the notes, you can't escape a net like this."

Anti-Cosmo's smile widened. "The notes written by a crazy person. I know you had no experience with us beforehand since you got outbested by my wuss of a sibling so let me spell this out for you. Iron has a great amount of friction with anti-fairy skin." Anti-Cosmo puts his hand back into the box of iron flakes. Anti-Blonda puts her hands over Anti-Wanda's eyes again. "This friction would cause a burning sensation at first, like what it would feel like if a human were on fire. That is only if you're not used to it though. Next," Flames erupted from Anti-Cosmo's hand in the iron filled box. Tannis took a step back from the heat. "Comes the actual fire. Fire doesn't hurt fairies or anti-fairies, it's just the friction's intensity increasing. However, rope turns into easily escapable dust when heated by fire." As he said that, the entire net caught of fire. Since it was so thin, the fire burned the whole thing in a matter of seconds. Anti-Cosmo took his hand out of the iron. "And since you can't see us, you have no idea where we actually are. Especially if I stop talking, so you're lucky that I'm a sucker for explaining."

Tannis knows how powerful anti-fairies are, so she started walking backwards to the door. "Furthermore," Anti-Cosmo continued, "humans can't walk on clouds. Now, as a human yourself, you probably knew that. As an apprentice of Gage though, you would have an invention to walk on clouds."

The teenaged human made it to the door and tried to open it, but Anti-Cosmo grabbed her and started dragging her to the middle of the room. "No, please don't," Tannis pleaded as she was being dragged.

"Shush, don't interrupt my monologue. It's not a duologue for a reason. Anyway, Gage wouldn't waste valuable resources for mostly useless parts, meaning only the part contacting the cloud can be on a cloud. Thusly," He said then poofed him and Tannis the extent of where his magic reached, which was on the pink cloud ground just next to the outside of the classroom. "Just like a pathetic turtle on its back can't get up, a horrible human hanging under the clouds can't get up. All it would take is…" Anti-Cosmo paused for dramatic effect.

"Please, please, I beg of you, don't do it. I'll leave if you just let me go, I don't care about the anti-fairy anymore," Tannis said.

"... one push. Or pull in my case." Anti-Cosmo finished. He tugged on the human's arms then flew out of the way. She lost balance from the sudden pull and started falling forward. To catch herself she instinctively holds out her hands, but they just phase through the cloud. Her shoes, even though they're upside down, till cling to the cloud, causing Tannis to hang waverly thousands of miles above Earth.

"Yes, Anti-Binky will undoubtedly be a harder threat to deal with compared to you, but this was too easy, so Anti-Fairy World is as good as mine," Anti-Cosmo said triumphantly. "Now, I guess I'll let the school handle you. I don't care about your fate in the slightest. So long." With that, Anti-Cosmo poofed back into the school.

Once inside again Anti-Cosmo looks at Anti-Blonda, who was still in the corner shielding her sister's eyes. "The oh so dredded human is taken care of. Not so bad for a freak of nature, was it."

Anti-Wanda escaped from her sister's grasp. "That was great! I loved the fire and all the big words you used. I don't know what they mean, but they sounded soooo cool!"

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "Glad you liked it. We should go report it to the idiots who run this school, show them I'm a force to be reckoned with."

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said. She didn't exactly know what that meant, but she was fine going anywhere that Anti-Cosmo wanted to go. They poofed away together, leaving Anti-Blonda alone in room 720 to think about what just happened.

'Iron immunity?' she thought. 'What the heck is wrong with the Anti-Cosma's? He never even took the human seriously, either. How could he have defeated her so easily and confidently? Why of all people did Anti-Wanda have to choose him to be friends with?'

Eventually, Anti-Blonda's very questiony thought got interrupted when she got poofed back to her house because of school protocall.

Anti-Cosmo poofed into Anti-Schnozmo's room and looked under the bed. "While you were dead I practically overthrew the whole human race," Anti-Cosmo gloated with a big smile on his face.

Anti-Schnozmo crawled out from under the bed. "What happened to your hand? Is that iron burns? Did Mother get nostalgic or something?" he asked, knowing Anti-Cosmo didn't really overthrow the whole human race.

"It was an escape tatic. Speaking of which, everyone has an iron sandbox right?"

"No. And to most anti-fairies, iron feels worse than anything else in the universe," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Oh shoot, so Anti-Wanda was in danger of getting hurt. I probably shouldn't have been so cocky. Well, anyway, the human has been taken care of and her memory has been wiped. Maybe you could get me her magic-truther audio book once it comes out."

"Okay. By the way, I'm-"

"Don't care," Anti-Cosmo said, cutting off his brother. He poofed away before he could finish.

"Fine, don't hear my apology. See if I care," he mumbled to himself. He poofed away too, to go to the anti-audiobook store.

Chapter Text

"In conclusion, if someone didn't know about the alphabet and I was forced to teach them, I would snap the necks of 26 humans and rearrange their limbs in order to make their corpses into the 26 allegedly different letters of the alphabet," Anti-Cosmo said. He was at the front of the classroom with red and black scribbles behind him which were supposed to be a picture of his plan.

Anti-Wanda and Maria started clapping while Blaine looked horrified and Dillan looked actually interested. "That's a great plan," Anti-Wanda said.

"I love alphabet!" Maria said.

"But that's not all!" Anti-Cosmo continued, "To make sure the idiot that doesn't know the alphabet learns it, I'll do it about a hundred thousand more times. Coincidentally enough, that would take care of the entire human race. Fairies would have no reason to go there and it will be ripe for the taking of me! I will be the crowned ruler of the world! All will bow to Anti-Cosmo! Mwahahahaha!"

"Alrighty then, that was quite a presentation, now take a seat. Maria, you're up," Ms. Magister said.

Anti-Cosmo stopped laughing evilly. "But I'm still not done."

"There's more?" Blaine asked looking slightly more horrified.

"Well, there isn't anymore. Anti-Cosmo, sit down or I'll poof you down," Ms. Magister threatened.

"I haven't gone over the correct ways to worship me when I become ruler, or how my future son will be forced to die because I'm unforgiving. You can't just-" Anti-Cosmo started to complain, but then stopped for seemingly no reason. He started talking again, but his British accent was more prominent than usual and his cheeks were suddenly rosier. "I'm deeply sorry, Ms. Magister. I shall do as you wish and take my seat now." Anti-Cosmo smiled and took a seat next to Anti-Wanda. He stopped smiling shortly afterward though. "Wait, I didn't want to say any of that! Why is this happening? I haven't even done anything stupid lately!" Anti-Cosmo said in his normal voice.

"Maria knows," Maria said. "Anti-Cosmo is old."

"I'm not old, I'm only two. You're older than me," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Oh, you're two? Have you ever heard of the terrible twos, or the terrific twos?" Ms. Magister asked.

"No. That sounds like-" Anti-Cosmo's voice changed again, "an absolutely marvelous concept. I would adore it if you enlighten me on it, but if not, that is perfectly adequate as well." He smiled.

"Right. It's when a fairy turns two, they turn evil for a while. It lasts only 12ish hours. Anti-fairies get the opposite effect and turn good, although it does have the anti-fairy delay, so Cosmo has been evil for a while now," Ms. Magister explained.

Anti-Cosmo's smile faded while she was talking. "But I don't want to be good! I can't rule Anti-Fairy World when people have the knowledge that I once was nice! I refuse it!" Anti-Cosmo complained.

"Have fun completely rewriting your DNA then," Ms. Magister remarked.

"I don't know what DNA is, but I remember being two. It was weird," Anti-Wanda said.

"Anti-Fairies are always weird," Blaine mumbled barely hearable.

"So anti-fairies remember it after the fact? Of all the things that I've forgotten, why must this infinitely stain my memory?" Anti-Cosmo whined. "Life is unfair and also terrible. Being nice is-" the anti-fairy froze for a moment then smiled. "-Absolutely marvelous! I wanna be nice forever and ever. Random acts of kindness cost nothing, but bring the greatest reward."

"What's the reward?" Anti-Wanda asks.

"The best reward of all, my dear friend: the reward of being nice!"

"Wait a second, you can't trick me. That was what you had to do to get the reward. The reward can't be the not reward," she said.

"Oh, but it can! And I would never try to trick you. You see, niceness is its own reward. It has unique properties like the number zero, so it is possible," Anti-Cosmo explained.

"Uuuh, hu… What does that mean?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Well," Anti-Cosmo started.

"Don't," Ms. Magister interrupted. "We're learning the ABC's right now. The many different properties of zero will probably never be taught since you don't need math to be a godparent, but you do need reading I guess."

"Of course. Sorry for the interruption. Please, continue," Anti-Cosmo said and smiled innocently at his teacher.

Ms. Magister knew that she should be grateful that Anti-Cosmo was going through the terrific twos since she got an apology for an interruption rather than complaining about how fundamentally flawed the school system is, but after being his teacher for over a year and a half it, was more off putting than anything. She also knew how overly nice and annoying anti-fairies could be when they're two, so she'd much rather not have to deal with him . Ms. Magister smiled as an idea came to her. "Hey, Anti-Cosmo. You're so good at apologizing right now, aren't you? Well, I'm sure that you've done things in the past that warrants an apology. You have my permission to go be incredibly nice elsewhere. Here, you can even have this if you promise to give it back in nine hours exactly." She poofed up an average sized black starred anti-wand.

"Oh," Anti-Cosmo mumbled. He was smart enough to tell that Ms. Magister didn't want him there, but he was also suddenly nice enough to not want her to be unhappy. "Okay," He said. "And I seldomly swear to return the wand in nine hours exactly. And much thanks for the offer." Ms. Magister handed him said wand.

The first thing Anti-Cosmo did with his new, actually useful wand, was to poof up a tray of lemon squares. "Would you accept a lemon square as a thank you for the wand, the year and a half of quality education, and for just being so great to begin with?"

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said and took some and ate it with her feet.

Ms. Magister stared at the two-year-old. "There's a reason I'm trying to get rid of you."

"Yes, right, sorry, farewell for now, and thank you once more," Anti-Cosmo said. He handed the rest of the tray to Anti-Wanda, which she happily accepted, and poofed out of room 720.

"Cupid, there's a little boy here to see you. He says he has to apologize," one Cupid's baby workforce told his master.

"Um, okay, send him in I guess," Cupid said. He started drinking the coffee in his hands. When seeing Anti-Cosmo appear in front of him he spit the coffee out in surprise. "You?!"

"Greetings God of love; I am Anti-Cosmo," Anti-Cosmo said, speaking fastly, "Although I have never interacted with you in the past because I used to find you overly bright, and love filled, and therefore horrid, but it has come to my attention that when my counterpart became myself for a minute he poisoned you with hate in order to invoke love in your counterpart in order to get me unbanished from Earth. I wanted to thank you for your cooperation and say sorry for putting you through it in the first place. So long." Anti-Cosmo poofed away.

Cupid tilted his head slightly in confusion. "The little boy left," The same baby-like workforce member from before said.

"I see that," Cupid said. He twirled the coffee in its cup then looked at his employee. "And you, find my 'to do' list. It says 'next love day ruin Anti-Cosmo's love life', I need you to change it to 'next love day maybe ruin Anti-Cosmo's love life'."

"Kay."

Charles walked with Carter disguised as a green squirrel beside him. "So this one kid asked if I wanted to play with them, but I can't handle playing, or talking to random people, so I screamed and ran away. That's a normal response, isn't it?" Charles asked.

"Umm… no. How would you ev-" Carter started but he was cut off by a bottle falling in front of them. Charles screamed in fear of the sudden object and jumped into a nearby bush.

"I can't deal with bottles descending rapidly from the sky. I wished you'd go kill it."

Carter sighed. "You didn't need to wish for that, it's against da rules to wish for death, a bottle is already dead, and it's just a bottle with a letter inside."

"What does the letter say?"

"Let's see." Carter cleared his throat and started reading "'Dear Carter Cosma, Sorry for manipulating you. Sincerely Anti-Cosmo.' Speech to text paper, I'm assuming."

Charles came out of the bush. "Oh, okay." He started walking with Carter again.

"Greetings Anti-Cupid," Anti-Cosmo said as he poofed in front of said Anti-God.

"You!?" Anti-Cupid growled at the sight of the anti-child.

"Would it delight you to know you're opposite had a similar reaction to me?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"What do you want?"

"I want to apologize for technically getting you poisoned, even though it wasn't really me, for taking full advantage of your love for me while it lasted, and getting Anti-Binky to hate you more than he did before. My apologies. Farewell," Anti-Cosmo said and poofed away.

Anti-Cupid rolled his eyes. "Stupid kid. I'll give him something to be really sorry for."

"Then Amleth started saying he wanted to let my blood and I cried," Charles said.

"You know I was there, right?" Carter asked

"Really? Why didn't you do anything?"

"You didn't wish for anything."

"Oh yeah…"

The two walked in silence until another bottle fell from the sky. Since there were no bushes around anymore, Charles jumped backward and got prepared to run. Carter walked up to the bottle and removed the paper from within. "It's for you," Carter said. He poofed into a green bird and handed his godchild the paper, then stood on his shoulder as he read.

"'Dear Charles McBadbat,'" the little boy read, "'sorry for exploiting your feeble human mind. Wait, that wasn't very nice, was it? Does he even know what feeble means? Oh yeah, speaking of which, sorry for making you faint with knowledge undiscovered by humans. At least you're not ignorant anymore. Sincerely Anti-Cosmo'." Charles looked at Carter on his shoulder. "I don't know how to deal with this? Do I reply? Do I feel happy because he apologized or sad because he called my mind feeble and forgot he gave me his vocabulary? I feel more scared and confused than anything. I don't know how to cope with feeling scared and confused. That's two too many emotions."

"Don't worry," said Carter as he poofed the letter away, "he probably thinks I ungranted all of his stupid wishes

"Why didn't you?"

Carter poofed into a squirrel again and jumped off his godchild's shoulder. "Let's just say that there's a lot of synonyms for 'deal'."

Since Charles was only given Anti-Cosmo's vocabulary and not his intelligence, his six-year-old mind didn't get what Carter was implying. "Okay," He said instead of questioning it. They started walking again.

Tannis got shoved out of the town's church. "Begone, you devil vessel!" the priest exclaimed.

Tannis glared at him. "I'll show you I'm right. Fairies are real, and we'll get the proof!"

The priest scoffed and slammed the church doors. Tannis trudged away from the church and a bottle fell in front of her. She lifted it and took the letter out. 'Dear Magic-Truther Lady, I'm sorry. I'm not allowed to say why, though. I'm also not allowed to put down my real name. Sincerely, Cosmo's opposite,' it said. A huge, insane smile spread across her face. "Negmagwaji," she hissed happily. "I knew I found your hiding hole. I will find you."

"Umm, sir…" Anti-Jorgen mumbled.

"What?" Anti-Binky asked impatiently. There were papers all around him.

"Well…"

Anti-Cosmo poofed next to Anti-Jorgen. The scrawny adult anti-fairy pointed to the smiling, rosy-cheeked child. "He wants to apologize…"

Anti-Binky stared at his second in command in silence. Anti-Cosmo ignored his ruler's look. "Greetings Anti-Binky, I'm sorry I tried to take over your job, steal your wand, and assassi-"

Anti-Binky groaned, cutting off Anti-Cosmo. "I don't have time for you terrific two spiel; I have a country to run."

"You're right sir. My apologies," Anti-Cosmo poofed away.

"And I'll deal with you later," Anti-Binky growled. Anti-Jorgen gulped in fear.

Anti-Schnozmo stood by the door to his classroom. He was on the floor since the still growing pile of homework all the other classmates keep throwing on him was weighing him down. Anti-Blonda poofed next to him. "You don't have to do everyone's homework, you know."

"Well, I can't stand up to them. Schnozmo would do that without a second thought," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled. "Maybe you could stand up to them for me."

Anti-Blonda laughed. "No, you bad role model. I came here to give you this," She said and added her homework to the pile. Anti-Cosmo poofed in front of the two of them. "And that's my cue to go," She mumbled and poofed away.

"Let me help you, my dear brother," Anti-Cosmo said and poofed the homework out of his hands.

"I-is that a normal anti-wand?" He asked, sounding scared.

"Indeed. Ms. Magister gave it to me. I have to return it in 7 hours and 43 minutes."

Schnozmo could hear the difference in Anti-Cosmo's voice, and realized that he wasn't smiling evilly, but actually kindly. That was debatably scarier in the anti-teen's mind. "Terrific twos?" He asked.

"Indeed again. I wanted to apologize for trying to steal your wand more times than I can count."

Anti-Schnozmo stared at him, waiting for him to continue. He could apologize for being manipulating, reckless, needy, annoying, or basically anything else, but they just ended up staring in silence.

"Anyway, " Anti-Cosmo broke the silence, "I have more apologies. See ya at home." The anti-toddler poofed away.

Anti-Schnozmo sighed. "He's not very good at being good. I don't think that's a good thing."

~~~the final apology~~~

Cosmo growled and kicked a rock under his feet. It hit a malfunctioning wand that was spewing out static, much to its random fairy owner's dismay. When the projectile collided with it, it was fixed instantly. "Thanks, kid," the fairy called out. The magical toddler growled harder.

His green eyes had dark purple bags under them. He looked furious. His opposite appeared in front of him. "I'm sorry I gave you bad luck once. I regret it every day I live. So long," Anti-Cosmo said. He raised his wand but Cosmo cried out 'no' and pushed his wanded arm down.

"You're not me! You're great at being not nice, and I need to be not nice too!" He said.

Anti-Cosmo was frozen by Cosmo's plea. The terrific twos doesn't get rid of hatred, it just masks it, so Anti-Cosmo wanted as little time as possible with his opposite, but that wasn't working out very well. "Are you proposing that I teach you how to be evil?" the Anti-Child asked. The fairy nodded, even though he didn't know what proposing meant. "I-I can't do that."

"Why not?" Cosmo asked. "I can't do anything right. I want people to be sad, but they thank me! Please, I need to make people sad!"

Anti-Cosmo looked at him. 'He's manipulating me,' he thought. 'That genius who ruined my life by giving me one in the first place wants to torture me in an already grueling time of my life. I can't help anybody be 'not nice' right now, he knows that. He wants me in his powerful little hands, but I'll show him.' "I can't," he repeated.

"Please, not-me, you have to!" Tears formed in his eyes. "I want to be not good! Please!"

A little kid crying can do wonders to a cause. Anti-Cosmo never hated his counterpart more in his life than he did now. Who could ever refuse such a miserable looking face. The anti-toddler put on the best smile he could muster through all his hatred and shrugged. "O-okay… I'll help you..."

Cosmo's emotions did a complete 180, making Anti-Cosmo regret his last words even more. The fairy flew through the air rejoicing. "I'm gonna be not good!" He exclaimed. The excited fairy flew to in front of Anti-Cosmo's face. "What do I do first?"

"Um," Anti-Cosmo mumbled. He never thought about how he would teach someone to be evil. Yes, he did teach Anti-Wanda how to kill various earth creatures, but he was too nice to teach Cosmo that. All he needed was something evil to teach that would still be good when performed. He decided to stall. "What evils can you commit currently?"

"Huh?"

By being a friend of Anti-Wanda, Anti-Cosmo wasn't unused to simplifying his vocabulary, but Cosmo was 'the biggest genius in fairy world'. He was sure that his opposite was lying by pretending he didn't understand, but why? What would this accomplish? One would think it was to trick others into thinking he's an idiot, but nobody else could hear them. Anti-Cosmo got snapped out of his thought by Cosmo waving his hand in front of his face.

"You okay, not-me?"

"Show me how not-good you can be now."

"I can do that," Cosmo beamed and raised his wand. It glowed yellow and a beautiful, bright green flower appeared in Anti-Cosmo's hand. The anti-fairy stared at the plant in his hand as his opposite clenched his fists.

"See," he said as bitterly as his high voice could get, "I can't do not-good good! Everyone would love that. It's our favorite color too."

Anti-Cosmo didn't reply. He hated flowers, especially ones alive and thriving, but that didn't even get close to holding a candle next to his hatred for green. Not only was it Cosmo's favorite color, so he was forced to find it unpleasant, but so many times in his short life had people called him a weirdo just because he was an anti-fairy with green eyes. 'He's toying with me. Torturing me. Unleashing the full force of his vindictive spirit upon me,' he thought.

"What can I do to not be bad at being not good?" Cosmo asked.

"Um, well, maybe," Anti-Cosmo stalled. He wasn't finding anything that was both good and bad, especially since he was distracted by his hatred towards his opposite. "You could use your superior intellect to…" the rosiness drained from his cheeks for a second. "Take over Anti-Fairy World."

Cosmo's bright green eyes sparkled. "Okay!" he said. He lifted his wand as the terrific twos reclaimed Anti-Cosmo.

"Wait-" the anti-fairy started, suddenly caring that it's not nice to overthrow the government, but they already poofed away.

Anti-Cosmo was coughing from the fairy magic as Cosmo looked around. "Wow not-me, Anti-Fairy World looks a lot like Jorgen's house."

Terrified, Anti-Cosmo glared at his counterpart. "Jorgen's house!" he hissed between coughs.

"Yep," Cosmo answered, "I come here a lot. Jorgen says I'm a level four hazard. I used to be level three. I still have no idea what either of those mean, so I guess it means that he loves me!"

'He's flaunting his ever-growing powers to remind me how weak and pathetic I am while simultaneously saying how much Jorgen'll hate me,' Anti-Cosmo thought. 'If he's this cunning, scheming, and unscrupulous at two years old, what horrors do future years have in store? I'll be dumber than a human in a matter of months! Perhaps weeks! Who am I kidding, I'm already dumber than a stupid, sniveling human.'

"HEY JORGEN!" Cosmo yelled at the top of his small lungs. He already forgot that they were supposed to be in Anti-Fairy World. The sudden outburst snapped Anti-Cosmo out of his thoughts. "ME AND NOT-ME ARE GONNA BE NOT GOOD, KAY?"

A thunderous poof erupted all around them. Anti-Cosmo's wand shot up and Cosmo stared at him. "You're not going to leave, are you?" the fairy asked. Tears appeared in his eyes. "Everybody leaves me. You have to stay. I have to be not good, remember?"

"I hate you so much," Anti-Cosmo wined under his breath. Fighting off tears of his own, the young anti-fairy lowered his wand.

Finally, the poof stopped erupting and dissipated to reveal Jorgen von Strangle. "Why are you here Cosmo?" he asked, his voice booming.

"I'm gonna be not good! Not-me is helping," Cosmo said happily. His tears were long gone.

"Terrible twos huh? Would that make you more or less of a threat? Either way, you're no match for Jorgen von Strangle!" Jorgen started laughing triumphantly. "You see, it's funny because I'm great!"

"Am I great?" Cosmo asked.

"No, I hate you," Jorgen said. He then turned his attention to Anti-Cosmo. "And you, you pathetic Anti-Fairy, I hate you too."

Anti-Cosmo stared blankly at him with eyes widened in fear. The anti-fairy wasn't even bobbing up and down while he floated, he was frozen in the air.

Jorgen could recognize terror when he saw it, so he decided to mess with the kid while he still could. The leader of Fairy World laughed and pointed his giant wand at the anti-child. It glowed.

"You know, an Anti-Fairy in Fairy World is illegal, punishable by an infinite lifetime in prison," Jorgen said.

"No, it isn't. It used to be 3 billion years ago, but then got repealed since the opposite wars ended and it was part of the compromise. However, Fairy World has made many small laws that they ignore if their fellow fairies break, but if an anti-fairy breaks it, they get thrown into jail. Hundreds of anti-fairies suffered through the unfair treatment of bias fairies, so as a collective species we stopped going to Fairy World altogether. Going here is frowned upon by both fairies and anti-fairies, but it's not, nor ever can constitutionally be, a law," Anti-Cosmo explained. He smiled nervously. "The gift of knowledge is great, isn't it?"

Jorgen raised an eyebrow at the anti-toddler. He was going to say something, but he was interrupted by Cosmo trying to make his adorable laugh sound evil.

"I'm gonna be not-good to you, Jorgen! Watch this!" Cosmo exclaimed. He raised his wand, which glowed, and a pink cloud appeared around a nearby vase. When the cloud dissipated, the vase was polished, dusted, and all around much better than before. He stuck his tongue out at the vase, then crossed his arms. "I wanted it to be in a lot of pieces," the green fairy complained.

"Oh, right. That's what I was doing," Jorgen said. His wand stopped glowing just so he could point it at the ceiling. It started glowing again. "Tell your mother to watch you better."

"No," the young fairy refused bitterly.

Jorgen ignored Cosmo and turned his attention back his opposite. "And you, stay out of Fairy World. It would be a shame if something so small gets thrown in jail. I'll let this be punishment enough, for now," Jorgen said. His humongous wand glowed brighter and Anti-Cosmo winced in anticipation. With a mighty poof, the pair of opposites were gone from Jorgen's house.

They reappeared in Cosmo's house. Anti-Cosmo was on the floor gasping for air between coughs and Cosmo floated, arms still crossed, beside him.

"Oh, Cosmo, Darling! I was worried sick!" Cosmo's mom exclaimed and she hugged her son. He angrily poofed out of her grasp.

"Hugging is not not good mommy, and I need to be not good. Right, not-me?"

Anti-Cosmo didn't respond.

"You brought an Anti-Fairy home!" Cosmo's mom yelled. "Cosmo, you can't do that! Go to your room!"

"NEVER!" Cosmo yelled back. He poofed away, but the cry of frustration from Cosmo's room showed that he wasn't successful in his rebellion.

"And anti-fairy, you stay away from my son, you hear! He can't be corrupted by you and your anti-fairyness. I know your kind, your all the same," Cosmo's mom lectured. She continued to tell Anti-Cosmo about how he and his race were ruining everything and how the worlds would be a better place without them. "Now go poof away," She concluded.

"Yes ma'am," Anti-Cosmo mumbled in reply. His wand glowed blue and he teleported to Cosmo's room, since he did make him a promise.

"It's not fair, not-me," Cosmo grumbled. His face was in a pout as he sat on the edge of his bed. "All I want to do is be not good, but I can't. Am I just too good?"

"T-too good?" Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

Cosmo smiled slightly. "I guess being too good to be not good is a good thing. Being nice is nice, isn't it, not-me?"

Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Niceness," he hissed. "Niceness isn't nice, what's nice about it? People don't care when your nice, they don't care about anything. You could show up to someone, with only the goal of expressing your sorrow you possess because of past wrongdoings and what is given in return? Manipulation, mind games, constant reminders of your inferiority, the continual burning pain of fairy magic that surpasses even the first touch of iron, an earful of why your whole species is trash and for what? For the satisfaction of being 'nice'?" the anti-fairy looked at his wand and small tears formed in his eyes. "I just wanted to be nice, but I'm not even competent enough to do that. I can't take over a whole world; I can barely even fly. Even if I think I'm getting better, it's probably all lies. I'm just useless anti-fairy world garbage that's a burden to the universe."

"Hey, you're crying," Cosmo observed. "Did I make you cry?"

"Of course you did! You ruined my life by giving it to me! I never wanted to be born; I never asked for an opposite who's smarter than anything conceivable! Intelligence is the most valuable substance anyone can have, and you went and hogged it all up! You ruin everything! I hate you!"

Cosmo shifted his gaze to the floor. Anti-Cosmo suddenly felt really guilty. 'That wasn't nice, you idiot. You have to be nice,' he thought. "Sorry," the anti-child mumbled as he wiped the tears away. "I didn't intend to yell at you."

Cosmo looked at his counterpart with a huge smile on his face. "If I made you cry, then your not happy. Being happy is nice, so by making you not happy it was not nice! I was not nice, not-me!" the young fairy rejoiced. He started flying around the room. "I'm not too good to be not good! This is the happiest day of my life!" Cosmo suddenly stopped flying and rubbed his eyes. When he removed his hands, the darkness under his eyes was gone. "Well, that was fun! Thank you, not-me."

"Your welcome," Anti-Cosmo barely audibly replied. He lifted his wand and poofed away from his opposite and toward the school. He was floating in front of Ms. Magister in the otherwise empty classroom.

"You're early," Ms. Magister said.

"Yes, may I please return the wand despite that?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

His teacher shrugged. "I don't see why not. You just have to do one thing for me: break it."

"Break it?" Anti-Cosmo questioned.

"Yep. It destroys the wand's ability to make magic," She explained.

Anti-Cosmo knew that before she said it, he just didn't know why she would want it broken. He still obliges without any further questions and hands the two halves, sparking at the break with anti-magic, to Ms. Magister. She gave back his bright blue rattle. "Have fun flying home," she said.

"Thanks," the anti-fairy mumbled. He poofed as far away as his now weak magic could.

Anti-Schnozmo poofed into his brother's room. "So, terrific twos, that's exciting. Is it still going?"

Anti-Cosmo didn't respond, he just stared at the floor from where he was sitting in the corner of his room.

His brother could tell that Anti-Cosmo was still being 'terrific' because of his cheeks, so he said "You know, it's rude to not answer questions."

"No it's not exciting. Cosmo ruins everything," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

"Wanna talk about it?"

Without hesitation, the younger anti-fairy started telling the events of the day with an abundance of detail. About halfway through his story, his voice lowered slightly and his cheeks darkened. "I had useful magic in my hands! Yeah, it couldn't get to Earth, but it was still infinitely better than this pathetic thing and I broke it! Just because Ms. Teacher told me to. I bet she made me do that just so I wouldn't bug her about getting the wand. I hate her," he finished.

"What order did you even use to give the apologies?" Anti-Schnozmo asked. That question was in his mind near the beginning of the story, but he didn't ask.

"Well, I didn't interrupt the people in school until later, but besides that, I went in the order of people I hate the least to the greatest. I already had a list of all the people I've met and cared enough to get an opinion on in that order, so it just made the most sense to do it in that order and just exclude all the ones that I hate but haven't done anything to yet. Although it was slightly inefficient, my brainwashed mind didn't care."

"You made a list of hatred? Can I see it?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"No."

"Why not? I probably heard half of the order from your story anyway, why can't I see where the other two people you know land?"

"First of all, I know fifteen more people than the fifteen I've told you about, not two. I'm not that unpopular. And you can't see the list since then you'd know where you fell on my preferences, and I don't want you to cry about how drastically low your name is. All you know is you're my favorite of the school goers I associate with and haven't done anything to. You may know that you rank above Cosmo and Mum, but that's not a hard bar to pass."

Anti-Schnozmo smiled. He had a pretty good guess that he was the second favorite, only passed by Anti-Wanda, so he thought that maybe Anti-Cosmo had another reason for not showing him.

"Well, at least I never have to be 'terrific' again," Anti-Cosmo said.

"Wait, you've never heard of the friendly fives?"

Anti-Cosmo looked at his brother in worry. "It happens all over again at five?!"

"Esrouc fo," Anti-Schnozmo replied

The younger anti-fairies look quickly turned into a glare. "This is why you're so low on my list."

"No," Anti-Schnozmo said, "this is." He messed up Anti-Cosmo's hair then quickly poofed away.

Anti-Cosmo hissed at his now gone brother as he fixed his hair. "I'll get you back for this!" He yelled and tried to poof after him.

Chapter Text

"So I've been thinking," Anti-Cosmo said. He was floating in front of Anti-Wanda in her room. Neither wore their school uniforms, but instead their much less bright, normal clothing.

"That's great!" Anti-Wanda interrupted. "I've been told I need to think more. Can you teach me how to?"

"I guess," Ati-Cosmo replied. "Anyway, I've been thinking about how hopelessly pathetic I am."

"You're not pathetic," Anti-Wanda said. She didn't know exactly what it meant, but she did know that her friend used it to describe a lot of things that he doesn't like, like their magic.

"Thanks, but lying won't get us anywhere," he said. He then started to monologuing. "At our current abilities, we won't be very successful at anything at all. Anti-Fairy World won't ever be in my grasp, but instead, it'll stay in the hands of that idiot. I can't let that happen, so we need to get more power. You may be thinking 'so we're getting more powerful anti-wands', but to that I say nay. Believe me, I've tried that plan enough times to know that anti-fairies cling onto their magic more than they would life itself. Instead, I see that we need an ally! By combining magic, if we get an army, even the most powerful person would be inferior; a classic example of quantity over quality. Granted, quality is still useful, so I narrowed it down to siding with one of the species of the tri-firma. We can't reach any of the other magical species anyway, so it works well.

"Well, that would leave anti-fairies, regular fairies, and pixies. Anti-Fairies are all wusses and they'd never stand up to Anti-Binky, so they're out. Fairies hate anti-fairies so much that they'd never team up with us, even if it is to take down another anti-fairy. That leaves pixies.

"I don't like pixies, but I don't like anything, so that doesn't really matter. What matters is that nobody likes pixies. The only thing they're good for is taxes, and they're outrageous with their prices that it's almost not worth it; key work almost. Their geniuses! The perfect businessman. The perfect partners in crime. All we need to do is befriend them, wanna help me?"

Anti-Wanda smiled. She loosely followed Anti-Cosmo's ramblings enough to know the point of it. "Of course! I'd love to make new friends! I've been told I need to make more, and that the new ones shouldn't be bad role models. Are pixies bad role models?"

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "I can't listen to an audiobook about them without falling asleep, so there's only one way to find out."

"And what way is that?"

Anti-Cosmo raised his wand. "By going to Pixie World."

Anti-Wanda raised her wand too and they poofed downstairs. Anti-Shnozmo screamed and poofed away when the younger anti-fairies poofed in front of him. "Wow, Pixie World looks a lot like my living room!" Anti-Wanda said, amazed.

"Our magic is too weak to go to pixie world," Anti-Cosmo explained, "But together, we can poof downstairs where my dear brother was placed. I think he'll be back."

Anti-Blonda poofed in front of them. "You can't go to Pixie World!" She protested.

"Why not?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Yes, sibling of Anti-Wanda, why not?" Anti-Cosmo added. "What's the worst that could happen? The pixies bore us to death with their math? That can't even happen because we're immortal, and we won't even be bored to sleep since it's so bright there. Pixie World is boring, therefore safe, and in turn, is perfectly suitable for us to go to. I fail to see the harm caused, so please, enlighten me why you forbid your poor sister from doing the thing she, at this moment, desires most?"

Anti-Blonda blinked in surprise since she didn't expect an actually sound argument. "Um, well, you're still terrible so you'll probably figure something out."

"Like what? My magic couldn't even poof outside in one motion, so what damage could I do? Also, could you send us to Pixie World? I don't think our original ride's coming back."

The anti-teen sighed. "I don't see why not," She admitted defeat. The wand in her hand raised, but then she glared at the younger anti-fairy "But if anything happens to my sister-"

"Yeah, yeah. I've heard it before. Could you tell my brother that I hate him if he ever shows up again?"

Anti-Blonda glared harder, not liking being interrupted. Her wand glowed blue anyway, and the two anti-children were poofed away.

Anti-Schnozmo reappeared not long after and looked around. "Where'd they go?" he asked

"Pixie World. Also, Anti-Cosmo hates you."

"Okay. Wanna talk or something until they want us to bring them back?"

Anti-Wanda poofed away from him in reply.

"I liked Pixie World better when it was my living room," Anti-Wanda said. Her and Anti-Cosmo were flying above the gray sidewalk. The pixies flying around barely paid notice to them.

"I did too. This is brighter than I thought," Anti-Cosmo complained. He was looking around at the skyscrapers beside him, and stopped in front of the largest building with a giant gray sign above the door that said in bold, times new roman, silver print 'Head Pixie's Department of Evil Doings and World Runnings'.

"Why'd ya stop?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"I just realized that I have no idea where I'm going," Anti-Cosmo said. "Do you think this is it? I think it's the biggest here."

Anti-Wanda shrugged.

Even with his friend's very helpful insight, Anti-Cosmo still wasn't sure. He sighed, "Well if it's not we could always try again." The two of them flew into the building. The pixie behind the front desk was nothing special in the slightest. "We need to speak with the Head Pixie," Anti-Cosmo demanded with bounds of fake confidence.

"Do you have a conference scheduled?" the pixie asked.

Anti-Cosmo smiled at his correct assumption. "Yes," he said.

"Wait here," the pixie said. He poofed away in a gray cloud.

"That was great!" Anti-Wand praised.

"Indeed it was," Anti-Cosmo said.

Little did they know, many stories above the pixie saw completely through their lies. "Sir," he told his boss. The head pixie was much more triangular shaped compared to the square pixies and he wore round wired glasses that showed off his dull purple eyes instead of the usual flat shades. His hat and suit, although identical in design and color, were larger than normal with a gray star floating above his hat. Thin black hair that was starting to grey was hiding under the giant cone-shaped head ornament, but some still peaked out of the sides. "Two young anti-fairies are demanding to speak with you. They're lying about having a conference scheduled. Should I eject them?"

"How young?" the head pixie asked.

"Assumed by their looks, the male is approximately two years and eight days of age and the female is approximately eighty-three years, seven months, and twelve days of age."

Head Pixie tapped his fingers together in lite thought. "One more thing of note," the pixie said, "both of their eyes are uncharacteristic among Anti-Fairies." His boss raised an eyebrow in slight interest. "Rather than the typical red color, the female has pink eyes, the male has green."

"Green?" the head pixie questioned.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"That data is insufficient."

"I see… Send them in."

"Of course sir." The pixie poofed away from his boss and went back in front of the anti-children.

"That was great!" Anti-Wand praised.

"Indeed it was," Anti-Cosmo said. "It's all because of confidence."

"Really?"

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "I don't know. I listened to this business book once, but I hated it, so I didn't get very far in it. What it kept on saying was 'confidence is the key to success', so I'll fake confidence until I either get kicked out or get what I want."

Anti-Wanda smiled. "I like that plan. Can I do it too?"

"Sure."

"Awesome! What's confidence?"

"It's the feeling or-" Anti-Cosmo started to say, but he was cut short by the pixie poofing back. "I'll tell you later." Anti-Wanda gave a thumbs up in reply.

"The head pixie will meet with you now," the pixie said in his usual tone. He raised the grey circular wand and poofed the two anti-fairies to the room he just came from.

Upon seeing the leader of Pixie World, Anti-Cosmo's eyes shined with excitement. He'd never felt closer to getting the supreme power source he'd always wanted.

Anti-Wanda stared blankly at the head pixie. "Your hat is nice. I wanna hat like that, but I like dark blue better. Can I have a dark blue hat like that?" She asked.

The head pixie ignored her. His focused moved between the eyes of the two anti-fairies before him, until they settled on Anti-Cosmo's. "What brings you here?" he asked emotionlessly. It sounded like he didn't care.

Anti-Cosmo smiled confidently again. "I wish to strike up a deal with you and it all starts with Anti-Binky being in power for far too long. He's a very old, brash, violent, and idiotic leader that does actions on impulse rather than logic. As a logical man, I think that you should see the issue with the leading style." Anti-Cosmo stated pacing in the air as he spoke. "Anti-Fairy World won't last much longer under his tyrannical rule. That is why I have deemed myself worthy for the throne. Every other anti-fairy doesn't have enough bravery to stand up to Anti-Binky," Anti-Cosmo pointed to himself, "but I do.

"The only complication is that I, nor my allies, have enough power to overthrow Anti-Binky. That is why we have come to you, Head Pixie. With the power of the third most puissant wand in existence and a whole army of pixies that listen to you're every word, together we will most definitely succeed in overthrowing the anti-fairien government! It won't cost you much, and in turn, all anti-fairies will be allied with pixies!

"Together, we can take over Fairy World, Earth, then the universe!" Anti-Cosmo laughed evilly. "One would rarely pass up an almost certain promise of half the universe for basically nothing. What do you say? Do we have a deal?" The young anti-fairies' hand was held out to be shook.

The head pixie tapped his fingers together in thought. "Perhaps," he replied. Anti-Cosmo's smile widened. It fell back a little as the leader of Pixie World pushed his hand down. "But, there will be conditions and a contract to make sure all conditions are properly met. There will be no handshakes of agreement until then."

"I wouldn't expect anything less."

"Good." The head Pixie pushed his glasses up. "Now, we need to take a customary blood sample from both you and your business partner."

Anti-Cosmo's confident demeanor was torn down by his surprise. "Wait, what? Why?"

"Do you want an alliance or not?"

"Yeah, but," Anti-Cosmo glanced back at Anti-Wanda, who had been trying to get the other pixie to smile anything while he talked. "Anti-Wanda, are you fine with some of your blood being taken out of you?"

She gave up on her goal with the pixie and looked at her friend, giving a thumbs up. "Sure! I love blood, but Anti-Blonda doesn't let me play with it anymore."

Anti-Cosmo looked back at Head Pixie. "Okay."

Without hesitation, Head Pixie lifted his gray circled wand. A poof appeared right next to Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda, from which came two average pixies with empty needles in their hands. The Anti-Fairies held out their arms for both chambers to be filled with somewhat light blue, thick blood. As fast as they came, the two pixie's and their newly acquired blood poofed out again.

"It'll take five to ten hours until a proper contract can be written up. I will poof you back here when it's finished. Don't leave Pixie Incorporated."

"Ten hours? How long is that?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Ten hours!? What are we supposed to do here for ten hours!?" Anti-Cosmo questioned simultaneously.

The head pixie ignored Anti-Wanda again so he answered Anti-Cosmo instead. "Young pixies intern for fun," he said. He poofed a pixie uniform on both the anti-fairies, shades and all, then poofed them away.

They reappeared in an office with hundreds of pixies doing paperwork in cubicles. "Intern?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"A student or trainee who works, sometimes without pay, at a trade or occupation in order to gain work experience. I assume we're unpaid."

"What's that mean?"

"Well-" Anti-Cosmo started.

A pixie interrupted him. He looked like most other pixies, but his black hair was a bit longer in the front and styled upwards. "You two are interns?" he asked. "Could you make me plain green tea?"

"You got it," Anti-Wanda smiled. She lifted her bright blue rattle, but instead of poofing up tea, it cued over. "Nevermind."

"Our magic is physically incapable of making tea; it's too fancy for it. We can only poof up water. And minimal amounts of that," Anti-Cosmo explained to his friend. "We'll have to find a tea making thing first."

"The staff's kitchen is down the hall, after a left, after a right, another left, then left, then-" the pixie started explaining. He was cut off by a completely average pixie.

The pixie pushed up his glasses. "You're interns? Get me black coffee."

Another one from a cubical right in front of the last piped in too. "I also request black coffee."

A chorus of other pixies all asking for black coffee came.

Anti-Wanda raised her rattle again, but Anti-Cosmo pushed her hand down. "We can't poof up coffee either. We'll go find the kitchen and assume it has a coffee maker."

"Okay," Anti-Wanda agreed. The two started off to find the kitchen.

Over two hours later, they return to where they started in the office. In that time, they got lost, found the kitchen, made thousands of black coffee's, and distributed it to all the pixies on the floor. Now, they only had two coffee's left. Anti-Wanda handed the one she had to the pixie with upturned hair. "There you go," She smiled.

"I asked for green tea."

"I dunno what tea is, but it is green. Really really really dark green. I like dark colors, and green. Green makes me smile. So do animals. Anti-Cosmo gives me lessons after school on how to kill some Earth animals, and it's real nice." She rambled to the pixie.

As she did that, Anti-Cosmo handed the last black coffee to a pixie floating by. "And for you, my good sir, I have prepared a perfectly bland but bitter batch of a black beverage classified as coffee."

"It didn't ask for coffee."

"Yes, but coffee with my great intuition, I knew you'd want some. I acted upon it before it even became necessary."

The pixie stared at Anti-Cosmo as he sipped his coffee. "I appreciate your work. You're promoted to being a team leader."

"Cool. Do I get paid?"

"No." the pixie said and poofed away.

Anti-Cosmo looked at the cubicle all around him. "Team leader, huh? I'm an amazing leader!" He turned to the pixie closest to him. "You, start tracking the fluctuations in Fairy World's magic supply."

"Why?" the random pixie asked.

"It'll save this company thousands of dollars in the long run, trust me."

"Okay," he complied. Anti-Cosmo sounded like he knew what he was doing, so why question it? The young anti-fairy went to the next closest pixie. "You need to find out the ever wish that was granted by fairy godparents in the last five days."

"But that task was assigned to Miller."

"Miller's fired. Now hurry or you'll be fired for costing the company thousands of dollars with your dilly-dallying."

"Right, sir," the pixie said. He quickly started checking the wishes made by godkids.

"Good," Anti-Cosmo replied. He floated to the next cubicle to spew some more random orders that the pixies will listen to since he is team leader, and his voice, despite being high pitched and childish, has such an important and assertive tone to it.

"And then a huge wall of snow appeared, so I just floated there until all the snow suddenly disappeared," Anti-Wanda continued to tell the pixie with upturned hair. He wasn't really listening though. He watched Anti-Cosmo as he told nonsensical answers to his coworkers.

"How did your friend get promoted straight from intern to team leader?" he questioned.

"If you mean Anti-Cosmo, then I don't know," Anti-Wanda replied. Her eyes shined with excitement at a sudden realization. "Wait, I do know! Confidence!"

"Confidence?"

"Confidence. It's a feeling, and that's really all I know. I also know that Anti-Cosmo has lots of it and is great at it. He's great at everything."

"He's only five. Surely he can't be great at everything."

Anti-Wanda lifted up her glasses since they were starting to fall. "But he is great at everything. And he's older than five. He's two."

"I've worked hard for three thousand years to get to this position. Your intern partner and his 'confidence' is exploiting the flawless system and should be reported."

Anti-Cosmo flew to Anti-Wanda's side before she could say anything in reply. "Good news Anti-Wanda, I got another promotion!"

"Oh boy! What does that mean?"

"It means instead of a lowly and pathetic 0 dollars an hour, my salary has been doubled to an outstanding 0 dollars an hour! I also got moved from being team leader to being foreman."

"Can I get one of those promotion thingies?"

"Well," Anti-Cosmo smiled, "Being a foreman, I can try to work something out."

The pixie glared slightly at Anti-Cosmo through his dark glasses. "Forman is the foreman of this sector and has been for twelve hundred years. You couldn't have possibly taken his position, anti-fairy."

The anti-toddler looked at the pixie beside him then back at his friend. "Who's this?" he asked.

"I don't know. He says you aren't great at everything though."

"My name is Sanderson," the pixie said. "I'm the manager of this floor of Pixie Inc."

Anti-Cosmo floated down so that he was standing on Sanderson's desk and walked to be in front of said pixie. "Well well well, manager you say? And how long did it take you to get this far?"

Sanderson didn't answer, so Anti-Wanda did. "Twelve thousand years," she said.

"It was only three," Sanderson corrected.

A smug smile slowly spread across anti-Cosmo's face. "If you say I'm not great at everything, Pixie, Then I'll show you that I'm infinitely better than you are at your job. What you accomplished in three thousand years, I'll accomplish more than in less than three thousand minutes. And that Forman you mentioned, he was fired since a two-year-old anti-fairy was better at his job than he was. I could only imagine what they would do to a manager if the same thing happens."

"I can always have you fired for not being qualified for a job," Sanderson said. His emotionless voice had a hint of annoyance in it.

The young anti-fairy grabbed the still full coffee cup off Sanderson's desk and started twirling the drink inside. "Oh really? Fire me, if you can." He took a drink of the coffee but spit it back out since it tasted terrible. It was supposed to be an intimidation tactic but since it failed horribly, Anti-Cosmo pretended like nothing happened and swirled the coffee again. "But that's a big if. If my impeccable knowledge of business fails me, and if you succeed in firing me, then Head Pixie himself, who put me here to begin with, will most likely fire you. So I'd hold back on firing me if you know what's good for you." Anti-Cosmo said. He put the cup of coffee down, accidentally putting it on the edge of the desk making it fall off and break. "And you should clean up your office."

Under the dark glasses, Sanderson's glare deepened and followed Anti-Cosmo who floated away with Anti-Wanda by his side.

Hours pass. Anti-Cosmo started seeking out the upper management of the business to get promotions fast, and he kept getting them. From foreman to shift manager to assistant manager right under Sanderson. Since Anti-Cosmo didn't care much about business, he had no idea what he was supposed to be doing, but as he rambled his way up the ranks, his confidence became more and more real. All the while, Sanderson watched Anti-Cosmo fake his way up to his position. When Anti-Cosmo became assistant manager and decided to hang out in Sanderson's cubical, the pixie tried his best to ignore him, even as the child started making crumpled balls out of his paperwork to try and throw it into the trash can. It didn't help that he missed every shot. He was also sitting on the flat grey desk, kicking his legs like a stereotypical kid.

"Shouldn't you be playing business with your anti-fairy friend?" Sanderson asked eventually.

"She drank a lot of coffee and fell asleep. I'll wake her up when HP calls us back in for our deal," Anti-Cosmo answered. He balled up another piece of paperwork, but this time threw it at Sanderson's head instead of the can. It actually hit the target that time. "This is fun. I should have inturned years ago. Maybe if I did my promotions would stop being multiplications and I'll make more than 0 dollars. Well, who needs money anyway, right Sandy?"

"Don't call me that."

"You know, Sandy, when I get home I'm going to add you to my list of people I know: Tolerable to hated. You'll be on the tolerable side. 14th place. How'd you like that? Huh, Sandy?"

Sanderson went back to ignoring him. Not long after a pixie poofed into their cubicle. "Head Pixie disagreed with and pushed the COO in a pit of fire. You are next in line. After a quick interview, we will decide whether to promote you or not."

A small smile came onto Sanderson's face, but it was washed away as soon as Anti-Cosmo shot up off the desk. He floated to his rivaling pixie's side. "As assistant manager, I'm taking this interview too." He stated matter of factly.

"Okay," the interviewing pixie said. "Why do you want this position?"

Sanderson straightened his suit a little. "I've admired the head pixie for 36 thousand years. Being his second in command would mean everything to me. I will follow every command, no matter how hard or nonsensical and will never question the head pixie."

"I want it mostly out of spite," Anti-Cosmo responded.

The pixie nodded and started writing stuff on a notepad. "Describe yourself in five words."

"A hard-working, loyal individual," answered Sanderson.

Anti-Cosmo smiled and crossed his arms with confidence. "A hired COO."

Sanderson rolled his eyes, unnoticed. "That can't possibly be a valid answer," he remarked.

"Anti-Fairy, you're the new COO. Move everything to your new office in the next five minutes." the pixie poofed away.

Sanderson's mouth opened slightly in utter astonishment and dismay. 'How… He's not even a pixie."

Anti-Cosmo floated back onto the desk. "Well, I'm awfully talkative today, so I'll try to make it concise. Confidence is key, and confidence is also a feeling. You should know better than I that pixie's have problems with feelings. If life is a bunch of cages, with your goal being freedom, you pixies spend decades lock picking each cage, one by one. Someone like me can bring out a key and unlock thirteen at a time. Pixies are utterly replaceable. I, on the other hand, am much more unique than I ever wanted to be, and not in a good way, but it's still good compared to you. I'm much less replaceable. Think about that next time before you use the word anti-fairy as an insult. Actually, I don't care about anti-fairies, so think about that next time before you underestimate my power, because I will take over the universe, even if I'm a bumbling buffoon, and I will not listen to one more person telling me I can't. I wish you the worst of luck at your manager job. Now, I'm off to go be the best Commander Office Operator this company has ever seen."

"That's not what COO stands for. That also wasn't concise."

Anti-Cosmo poofed away to his new office as COO.

"Sir, the results are back on the anti-fairy blood. It wasn't a result of the supernatural, a curse, a traumatic backstory, or a problem with the fairy counterpart. The two Anti-Fairies just happen to have both of the alleles for the very recessive and rare non-red eye coloration," a pixie said.

The head pixie floated in thought. "So it was genetics. Fascinating. That's dull enough to be to my liking." He poofed up a full, twenty-page long contract for Anti-Cosmo to sign.

"Another thing," the average pixie said, "Somehow the male anti-fairy got promoted to be COO."

Head Pixie looked at the contract in his hands. "I assume I underestimated him." He poofed the contact so that it was longer and all the words were changed. "For someone with such intricate business knowledge that knows how to go from intern to second in command in the span of seven hours, a contract where we aren't close to equals could ruin our deal of being the almost certain rulers of half the universe for basically nothing. Bring him and his companion in here. Tell them the contract should be to their liking."

The pixie nodded and poofed away. A minute later, Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda poofed into the room. The former was fixing his tie while the later was slouching and rubbing her eyes tiredly.

The head pixie haded the contract to the green-eyed anti-fairy. "You're business skills are commendable. I'm willing to negotiate any changes you wish to make."

Anti-Cosmo nodded. "Yes, I see." He flipped a couple of pages over, closely examining each one. At one point, he lifted up his sunglasses so he could see it directly, but he immediately regretted it and put them back down. "One question, do you have this in an audio form?"

The head pixie raised his eyebrow slightly. "No. Why?"

"Well then, can you read this whole contract out loud for me?"

"Why?"

"Because I like the sound of your monotone voice and want to listen to it for twenty-six pages," Anti-Cosmo lied.

Anti-Wanda yawned. "I thought it was because we can't read."

"That may play a factor in it," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

"You can't read?" Head Pixie questioned. "That's awfully convenient..." he poofed the contract so it gave the pixie's full control of the whole universe with every anti-fairy, including Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda, to be their slaves. "...since I enjoy reading. It says that if you sign it, Anti-Binky will no longer rule Anti-Fairy World."

Anti-Cosmo crossed his arms. "I don't believe you. Pixies are notorious for their fine print, so I won't sign a thing until someone unbiased towards me reads this."

"Then I guess you won't sign a thing. You're magic is clearly subpar and you're education is obviously lacking. An even deal with you would be the worst decision this company has ever made. Sign this contract right now or you're fired."

The bright blue rattle in Anti-Cosmo's had was pointed triumphantly at Head Pixie. "You can't fire me," Anti-Cosmo said smiling, "Because you never hired me. Same goes for Anti-Wanda. So poof up my brother I guess because we're not threatened."

"You're right. You two were never hired so we don't even need to fill out paperwork." In a cloud saying 'security', the head pixie poofed up two large, muscular, but still dull and boring bodyguard pixies. Each one grabbed an anti-fairy. "This deal is over. Get out of pixie world."

The two pixies poofed outside of the building and threw Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda with all their might, landing the two anti-fairies right in front of the pixelated dull purple bridge directly outside of Pixie world.

"So, are we going to take over Anti-Fairy World or not?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"We'll do that on a later day. The pixies are useless and boring. Although, they made a rainbow bridge just like Fairy and Anti-Fairy world, which I was responsible for, so I practically rule the universe already! I don't want to share half of my precious universe with those blockheads anyways. And if I learned anything today, it's that coffee tastes terrible and that I don't need pixies to be successful, I just need the most powerful magic I can get my hands on."

"If I learned anything today," Anti-Wanda added but didn't say anything afterward.

"Okay then. Moving on, how should we contact our siblings to bring us back home?" Anti-Cosmo asked his friend.

"We could yell really loudly."

"I think we should just float home."

"That works too."

"I need a new COO since that anti-fairy turned out to be a disappointment." The head pixie said.

"The next in line is Sanderson. Do you want to promote him?" a pixie asked.

"Okay."

Chapter Text

The door creaked open and Foop floated into his home smoking with the remnants of a failed bombing attempt. Gumpy from being foiled by his counterpart once again, Foop mopes into his room. Much to his dismay, his room is entirely empty except for his crib and laundry. The anti-baby clenched his fists in anger after he got over the shock. "Mother! Father! What is the meaning of this!" he yelled throughout the castle.

Anti-Cosmo anti-poofed in front of his son. "Well, Foop, the real question is what is the meaning of this?" he said and poofed a report card into his hand.

Foop's anger got suddenly replaced with worry. "Um, well, Father I can explain."

"Out of the six subjects you're being taught only one doesn't have a grade below C. 'He's too busy making plots to destroy Poof to actually learn anything,' it says," Anti-Cosmo read.

"It's not my fault! The teacher and all the students are terrible and deserve to be destroyed. Besides, it's not like you never did anything like that when you were in school," Foop said.

Anti-Cosmo glared at him. "When I was in school, I was a straight A, perfect student, even despite a deep hatred for Cosmo, the teacher, the other classmates, and pretty much everything. I became ruler of Anti-Fairy World through hard work and determination and I will not be the father of a child that thinks that this is a satisfactory effort."

"What about Mother!" Foop retorted. "I doubt that she was a 'straight A, perfect student' when she was in school! Just because my opposite isn't stupider than tar doesn't mean I should be punished!"

"Your mother got the exact same grades as I did, so you have no excuses. Get your grades up, or else."

"Or else what?"

The two scowl at each other. "You're grounded," Anti-Cosmo said.

Foop huffed in opposition. Before he could reply, Anti-Cosmo continued to talk. "Until all of these grades are B-'s or above, you are not allowed to poof anywhere besides my house and the school. You're also not allowed any weapons, poisons, or explosives."

"That not fair!" Foop protested.

"Life's not fair," Anti-Cosmo said. He poofed away with Foop magic bottle. The bottle soon appeared with barely any milk left in it a note on it saying 'If you complain anymore I'll make it A-'s'

Foop growled. "B minuses or above," the anti-baby scoffed under his breath. "And he thinks that I'd believe Mother got the same grades as him? I'm not a genius, but even I could tell that's a lie from a mile away." He crossed is stubby arms. "Who knows what else he's lying about, he probably was such a terrible child he got Fs too. I even met him as a child, and he was worse than I am." Something dawned on the anti-child. "That time thing, I don't think father destroyed it… I could use it to go back in time and sabotage Father's grades so he'll be so thankful for my one C that he buys me a brand new death ray gun!" The anti-toddler laughed evilly. "Oh how delightfully devilish, Foop." He raised his bottle and poofed over to the school so that he could enact his evil plan.

Anti-Cosmo was in front of the bathroom mirror, which was cracked, trying to make his hair look as neat as possible. He was fully determined and didn't even move his eyes when a square anti-baby with purple eyes poofed behind him.

"Finally!" Foop exclaimed. "This is going entirely according to plan!"

"If you're here to steal something from my brother he's two doors down. If he poofs away upon seeing you, he's under the bed. If he poofs away again, he's most likely at school using the teacher as a fairy shield," Anti-Cosmo said like it was a common occurrence.

"Brother? I didn't know you had a brother…" Foop mumbled. Barely audibly he added "He owes me a lot of Christmas presents." Back at normal volume, Foop starts talking again. "Anyway, I have come for you, Anti-Cosmo. And Anti-Wanda too, I guess, but mostly you."

Anti-Cosmo put his comb down and faced the other anti-baby. "Us? Why would you want to talk to us? Is it because everyone in anti-fairy world, especially your mother, hates your unconventional eye color so you seek refuge and acceptance with us since we're the only ones who can relate?"

"What? No."

"Good," Anti-Cosmo said. His hair that he worked so hard on to look nice morphed back to his usual spiky and messy hair, identical to Cosmo's. "Because everyone loves Anti-Wanda and I and thinks that our eyes are as cool as we are, and we're very cool. We would never relate, or even associate, with a purple-eyed lowlife like you. I scoff at the thought."

Foop blinked in surprise and confusion. "Have you always been this eye obsessed? Just because they're not red... Wait! Don't get me off track! I've come to ask you about school."

Anti-Cosmo nodded. "As I thought, you want Anti-Schnozmo. He's the one that gives out free homework answers. I'm an idiot that can't write a cohesive sentence, let alone help some purple eyed freak with school."

"SHUT UP ABOUT MY EYES!" Foop yelled at him. "I'm not trying to get homework from your brother I've never heard about, or join a weird not-red eye club; I just want to turn your straight As into straight Fs!"

Anti-Cosmo tapped his chin in thought as he looked at his future child. His eyes glanced to the dark blue bottle in Foop's hand. "Why?" he asked the square child.

"Because… um… I've been homeschooled and my parents are evil. Especially my father. I've always wanted an F but they always give me As because they hate me so much! My father, who I'm better than in every way, always says that Anti-Cosmo has the best grades, so you do too. If I make your grades Fs, I'll get Fs, and we'll all be happy! What do you say?"

"I'd say that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my life, and that's quite a feat if you know who I hang out with. Despite that, I'm willing to make a deal, but it may prove very difficult to get an F, so there is no backing out. Unluckily for you, I went to pixie world seven days ago, became COO of Pixie Incorporated, and stole a bunch of magical contract paper. I'll go have my assistant write up the regulations of our deal." he said and poofed away.

Since he was gone, Foop smiled evilly. "Young father is as terrible as I remember, but at least he's dumber as a child. Once my evil plan is through, I will be the smartest one in the house! I will be the ruler of Anti-Fairy World! I will set my bedtime to be whenever I want!" He laughed. "Father will be sorry that he ever dared to ground Foop."

A laugh was heard behind him, but it wasn't evil like his. "Your name is Foop? Oh my stars that's a terrible name. If I cared, I'd feel bad for you."

Foop spun around to see his future father practically rolling in the air laughing. Since he made fun of his name the first time they met, Foop was more worried about giving away his sinister plan than the name insults. "How long have you been there? I never heard a poof!"

"I floated. And I've eavesdropped enough to deduct that you're likely a secret child of Anti-Binky. That doesn't change this contract in any way, so go ahead and sign it," the young anti-fairy said. He handed Foop the magic paper.

"Contract for the Purple Eyed Anti-Fairy," Foop read out loud. "By signing this you're agreeing to trade places with Anti-Cosmo for 24 hours. This means in looks, voice, magic, and any other necessary ways to fool the idiots you interact with. Anti-Cosmo himself will stay out of your way if you so wish. Anti-Cosmo will also get your current magic/anti-magical device and have full access to take Anti-Wanda with him anywhere. If after the 24 are up and you would like to continue being Anti-Cosmo, there'll be another contract for that."

Anti-Cosmo glared at the door. "That jerk. I said forever, not 24 hours."

Foop ignored him and thought about the contract in his hands with a smile slowly creeping onto his face. 'I even get Father's ungrounded magic. All I have to do is get the grades beyond repair in a day. I've done worse in less time. Piece of cake.' The square anti-fairy poofed up a pen and eagerly signed it.

Since the paper was magical, Foop automatically got anti-poofed into looking exactly like his young father, but with purple eyes. Their rattle and bottle got switched around as well. Anti-Cosmo looked at the powerful baby bottle in his hands. "So do you want me to teach you about me or something?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"No, I've known you long enough to know what you're like," Foop replied in a perfect Anti-Cosmo voice.

"Okay, stalker," Anti-Cosmo said. He poofed a pair of pitch-black sunglasses in his hand and held it out to his doppelganger. "Use these to hide those hideous eyes. They're a dead giveaway."

"Seriously, what's with your eye obsession?" Foop asked rhetorically. He took the glasses and put them on.

"I think about them a lot after looking in a mirror. Now go to Anti-Schnozmo and poof to school. Don't tell him that you're making me get straight Fs. He'd be super judgy and complain my ear off once he finds me."

Foop nodded "Got it." He poofed away, trying to go to Anti-Schnozmo's room, but he only got three-fourths of the way. After being confused for a second, he got over it and flew the rest of the way to the room. He was greeted by Anti-Schnozmo pointing his wand at him.

"Are you the imposter?" he asked.

Since his eyes weren't used to them yet, Foop took off the glasses so he could get a good look at his mysteriously unmentioned uncle. He looked about how he thought he would, except for the nose. Well, the lack thereof.

His eyes were enough of an answer for Anti-Schnozmo. "Who are you? Why did you want to switch places with my brother? How do you know him?"

"I'm Foop. I don't want to answer any more of you're stupid questions, so poof me to school, so I can begin to enact my evil plan."

"Okay," Anti-Schnozmo agreed. He'd never been good at refusing to do something, even if he disagreed with it. The anti-teen couldn't help but realize Foop sounded a lot like his brother, not only in his voice, but how he talked. This made him trust the purple-eyed anti-fairy even less. Still, he poofed the two of them to the spellementary school.

At spellementary school, all the students in room 720 were already in their class except for Anti-Cosmo. He poofed into the room "Anti-Wanda, wanna ditch?"

"Sure!" she agreed happily. The two poofed away with Anti-Cosmo's magic bottle.

Foop appeared seconds later, wearing his sunglasses again. He looked over everyone in the room. The lack of desks and students concerned him. School was going to start in two minutes after all and only three people and the teacher were there. However, it didn't stop his flawless plan from taking action.

"Greetings classmates! I, Anti-Cosmo the evil genius and future ruler of Anti-Fairy World, am fed up with this monotonous room. You all will feel my wrath!" Foop laughed evilly and raised his rattle. It glowed an even brighter blue than it already is, but then turned dark and flopped over. "What? He can't be grounded too! Something has to work," Foop mumbled to himself. He tried to poof up everything from bombs, to killer crocodiles, to knives, to poison, to fire, to something not even inherently deadly like chains, a pillow, and an ordinary stick, but nothing appeared. With every failed attempt at magic, Foop noticeably got more and more frustrated.

"Try poofing up a leaf," Ms. Magister suggested. At this point, the whole class was watching Foop.

The anti-fairy looked at the teacher. "And why should I do that?"

"You don't have to if you don't want to. Fail a couple more times, see if I care."

Foop crossed his arms. "I don't care if you care! And I will poof up a leaf. Thousands of leaves! You'll all drown in my thousands of leaves then bow down to my every whim!" He raised his wand again. It poofed up a single, bright green leaf. When he tried to poof up another, the raddle deflated again. The anti-baby growled in frustration. "But I just made one!" he hissed.

Ms. Magister smiled. "Leaves are too dangerous for disabled anti-fairies. You could only poof up one every hour. Well, one every twenty fives of an Earth's rotation, but that's basically the same thing."

An eyebrow raised on Foop's face. "Disabled? How in hell am I disabled?"

Ms. Magister didn't answer. Instead, Blaine looked to his teacher. "Is Anti-Cosmo going crazy again? Should we be concerned?"

Ms. Magister shrugged. "I don't know, maybe."

Foop smiled nervously. "What do you mean crazy? I'm doing stuff I normally do. I love Anti-Wanda, tea, reading, and universal domination. I just have decided to act on the universal domination part, and start with this pathetic excuse for a school. My magic is just having some issues."

"I can't argue with that," Ms. Magister said. She looked at Blaine. "Sounds just like Anti-Cosmo, so he must not be crazy. He looks just like Anti-Cosmo too, right Dillan?"

'His shades look cool,' Dillan signed, 'I like him better than Anti-Cosmo. He's funnier too.'

"Couldn't have said it better myself," Ms. Magister replied.

Foop couldn't understand sign language, so he was completely lost, and also under the impression that they actually mostly agreed with his lies about being the real Anti-Cosmo. "Well, anyways, I need to go see someone before I annihilate you all. Mark my words, I will return." He lifted his rattle and poofed out.

From the hallway was a clear yell of frustration. "Curse you, Father and you're fake magic!" Ms. Magister poofed him back into the room. Foop appeared coughing from the magic. "It burns!" he

hissed. "What did you do to me!"

Uncaring about the anti-baby's pain, Ms. Magister twirled her wand. "Fairy magic hurts young anti-fairies."

"No it doesn't!" Foop argued, "I've been poofed plenty of times."

"Well, Anti-Cosmo, if you aren't made by magical means it does. Neither you or your counterpart were wished into existence, so it, in fact, does hurt. Now sit down and listen to today's lesson on um…" She looked at her paper titled lesson plan. It said 'counting or something' on it. "Identity theft. It's a real big issue in Fairy World right now."

Foop glared at her. He was too busy thinking about how much he hated her to realize how coincidental the topic is. 'Once I get father's real magic, she'll pay for what she has done,' he thought, 'and father too.'

"Anti-Wanda, wanna ditch?"

"Sure!"

The two poofed into Anti-Cosmo's room.

"Ooo, where are we? Also, what's ditching?"

"It means leaving school just because you want to. Also, this is my room. I tricked a square anti-fairy into giving me his magic for at least the day, and it can only transport between my house and the school because he's a stalker. Other than that, it seems to work amazingly!"

"And that means?"

Anti-Cosmo's smile widened. "It means we can finally do this." he lifted his bottle and poofed himself into a blue rat with green eyes. Anti-Wanda watched in amazement. "Wow! Can I become a monkey?"

"Sure." He poofed his friend into the said creature, but with still dark blue skin and pink eyes.

"Yay! Look at me! I'm on earth, and like to eat apples, and say mooo all day long!"

Anti-Cosmo poofed into a monkey too. "Well, monkeys don't moo, cows do. And," he poofed a banana into each of their hands, "they eat these things, not apples."

Anti-Wanda gasped in excitement. "We can poof things up too? This is great!" She shoved the whole, unpeeled banana into her mouth. "I'm a real monkey Anti-Cosmo! I eat with my hands like real Earth stuff!"

The younger anti-fairy peeled his and took a bite. It wasn't the best food he's tasted, but definitely not the worst. "Yep. And it's not confined to monkeys either. We can be anything; we can do anything! Well, we can't leave Anti-Fairy World or overthrow Anti-Binky since weapons are unattainable, but anything else is fair game."

Anti-Wanda smiled. "Anything?"

"Anything."

"Anti-Cosmo, you're really bad at this identity theft exercise," Ms. Magister said. "I thought this would be right up your ally."

Foop smiled confidently and crossed his arms. "It is, I just refuse to do it because I hate you and everyone else in this room. Like her," Foop pointed to Maria. "She's too bright and doesn't make any sense. Just like these uniforms. What's wrong with black? My supposed un- I mean brother, had a normal uniform. Bright blue is hideous."

Maria laughed. "Is Anti-Cosmo silly, yes or no?"

"No, I'm not silly, I'm pure evil and a disruption to the class that doesn't do his work. I should get an F for this assignment. While you're at it, make everything I do an F"

Ms. Magister raised an eyebrow at the statement. "You want an F?"

"Well, I deserve one, do I not?"

"Listen kid, I don't give out Fs. Whether you 'deserve' it or not is not my decision to make, it's the school's. This school thinks very lowly of kids like you, so most, like Cosmo, are homeschooled. They think that literally anything is worthy of an A here. Even if you never show up for a single day of class, it's still an A. Just give up."

"That's the most unfair thing I've heard in my life! Why does Anti-Cosmo get straight A's for free! I bet mother has the same thing going on. Why don't I? I get grounded instead!"

"It's not unfair," Blaine mumbled. "What good is perfect grades if you can't do anything with it. Honestly, I'd much rather have straight Fs in a normal class."

"You all don't know what you're talking about! Now make my grade a permanent F or you will pay," Foop growled.

Ms. Magister shrugged. "Okay, whatever. Just remember the time 10:13 on the eighth day of the seventh month. 29,703 years after Mesopotamia."

"Why?"

"For when you regret your decision." She lifted her wand, but it didn't glow yet. "By the way, what's your real name"

Foop was a little surprised. "You saw through my great acting?"

"Well, when Anti-Cosmo comes to class, ditches with Anti-Wanda then comes back seconds later wearing sunglasses and start acting weird, it's a bit extra obvious. What came after only furthered the fact."

Foop growled. "So Father ruined my believability before I even came? I can't believe how stupid he is as a child. My name's Foop."
The wand in the teacher's hand glowed yellow. "So Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda named their child Foop? That's different. By the way, remember 10:14 now." Foop got surrounded by a cloud of fairy magic.

When he got free of the cloud, he was back to his regular square self, but with solid black clothes instead of his normal attire. His wand was nowhere to be seen, but he was already in front of a giant castle so he didn't care. Instead, the young anti-fairy floated into the castle feeling more successful than he's ever felt before. "Father, have you seen my report card yet? What do you think of the C? I'm so smart, aren't I? On an unrelated note, can I rule Anti-Fairy World?"

An anti-poof appeared in front of him in reply. To his surprise, Anti-Cosmo wasn't in it. "Who the hell are you?" the bald anti-fairy asked, sounding annoyed already.

"Who are you?" Foop asked back, "And where's Anti-Cosmo?"

"He's…" the anti-fairy started, but then realized something. "No, not now! I refuse to!"

Jorgen appeared before them and hit to anti-fairy in the head with a copy of 'The Anti-Rules'. "Do it, or else," the fairy threatened, then poofed away.

The anti-fairy sighed and poofed on a black robe. "I'm Anti-Binky and you wished for something real stupid and it changed the future. You are now banished to the land of never existing."

"Wait wait wait! What? That can't be right! How did I make myself non-existent?"

Anti-Binky lifted his wand. "I guess you want to do this whole thing, right? Fine." He poofed them both outside of the Anti-Fairywinkle house.

"Isn't that mom's old house?" Foop asked.

"Yep. You see, Anti-Cosmo was a green-eyed freak who wanted to take over my job," Anti-Binky explained, "But he never could since he was young enough to not be a complete opposite of Cosmo. He was kind of an idiot, like any kid would be. There was this weird thing, though, where he couldn't read, write, and he couldn't fly without running into something. His mom assumed he was a huge idiot, ignoring Cosmo's lack of smarts, and sighed him up for a disabled class just to get his hideous green eyes away from her. In reality, Cosmo has the best vision in all of Fairy World, so Anti-Cosmo couldn't see, but he assumed everyone saw like that since he's had no other examples."

"What does that have to do with getting F's? Or mom's house?" Foop asked.

"Since you don't care about your own dad's life, I have to fill you in. Your Fs haven't come in yet, this always happened. Now, in your time, he finds out he just needs glasses, gets a monocle instead because he's judgey, overthrows me, and lives happily ever after. But in this timeline," Anti-Binky poofed the two of them into the house where Anti-Cosmo was looking in the mirror, trying to fix his hair. He looked just like the normal older Anti-Cosmo, but without a monocle, a black crown, and a brightly colored uniform. A baby blue, full-size wand was on the counter next to him. His put down the brush and his hair went back to normal.

"Of course…" Anti-Cosmo mumbled. His voice had lost its British accent for the most part.

"In this timeline, Anti-Cosmo got suspended from the only school he could attend, cause he failed a second grade special needs class. His mom didn't want the elementary school drop out anywhere around her and his brother did absolutely nothing to help him. He never looked back and lived with Anti-Wanda since he had no other friends. After some convincing, he was raised like a brother to the Anti-Fairywinkle twins. Granted, the clear least favorite brother, but still a brother. "

Anti-Cosmo grabbed the wand off the counter and poofed out of the room. Anti-Binky and Foop floated through the walls, since one was essentially a ghost and the other was his reluctant tour guide. He didn't make it too far away from where he started, but it was farther than his rattle could go. "Do you want me to pick up anything after work?" he called through the house.

"I'll poof you a grocery list later," Mrs. Anti-Fairywinkle replied.

"Kay." Anti-Cosmo poofed out of the house.

"Anti-Cosmo got a job at a magic pet store, which he hates, but it's the only place that'll hire him," Anti-Binky said. He poofed the two of them to the closed pet store.

Foop nodded. "Okay," he said, "And how does this make me never born? My horrible counterpart Poof was still wished into existence by Timmy, wasn't he?"

"Actually, Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda fell in love before Cosmo and Wanda ever met. So that they could get legally married, they set their counterparts up with each other and that's how they met. Here, they never wanted to get married since they were basically siblings, so when Cosmo and Wanda eventually met on their own, they both were in relationships. Wanda and Anti-Wanda married Juandissimo and Anti-Juandissimo and they had a baby named Poof and Anti-Poof."

"What!? I shouldn't get sent to non-existence! Just replace me with Anti-Poof; he has a better name than mine anyway!" Foop argued.

Anti-Binky thought it over for a second and shrugged. "Okay, I guess I could do that. It doesn't really change much. Your parents might think you're acting weird for a while though."

Foop smiled. "Good. Anti-whats-his-face will be a much better father than the one I have now. He'd be less of an entitled hypocrite, right?"

"Trust me, Anti-Juan isn't entitled," Anti-Binky mumbled.

Just then, the door to the store opened and a chorus of animal noises erupted around them. Anti-Cosmo covered his ears groaned at the noise. "Every. Single. Time." he growled. He poofed a bag of all-purpose magical pet food and started feeding the animals, shutting them up one at a time. As he did so, tons of them attacked him.

Foop was too distracted by his father to remember that he was about to make a deal. "Why do all the animals hate him?" He asked.

"Anti-Cosmo has really strong internal magic, which he doesn't know about. These fairy favoring creatures don't like the anti-power that he naturally emits. Animals are more sensitive to that sort of thing. It doesn't affect sales since the creatures are on their best behavior when customers come in to try and escape the store."

"That's nice," Foop mumbled as he watched Anti-Cosmo chase a phoenix that got loose. "Why can't he get a better job?"

"I think you fail to realize how utterly sad it is to fail out of a second grade special needs class."

"Right…"

Anti-Binky moved on. "So you want to become the new Anti-Poof, right? Well, this decision is final so if you do I don't want to hear your complaining. You'll have a whole new life here in Fairy World 2.0, with a new parent, name, life, co-"

"Fairy World 2.0?" Foop interrupted.

"Yeah. Anti-Cosmo had a point, I'm not a great leader. Fairy World didn't like what we were doing and we got put under their rule entirely. I'm just for show really. And for trivial jobs like this."

"Well then, I don't want to be fairy slave." The anti-baby looked over at his future father.

Anti-Cosmo put out the fire on his shirt and stood behind the counter. "Don't worry you horrible creatures, it's only for the rest of eternity," he sighed. The animals made a ruckus in response.

Foop looked back at Anti-Binky. "Can I go back in time instead? For the sake of Anti-Fairy World and nothing else."

"Okay. To when?"

Foop blinked in response to the question. He didn't pay attention when Ms. Magister was talking. "I think there was a three in there. And it had to do with Yugopotamia, maybe."

"That's a horrible guess. I can see your whole life, so I'll just send you to when you screwed everything up."

"Okay."

Anti-Binky did just that.

Back to looking like Anti-Cosmo, Foop looked around the classroom.

"Long time, no see," Ms. Magister said, "Now about that F…"

Foop crossed his arms and avoided eye contact. "Forget it. And I guess I'll participate in your stupid lesson."

Ms. Magister smiled. "Looks like someone learned something today. That's a first. Now, back to identity theft."

Anti-Cosmo laughed evilly as he raised Foop's bottle. "No magic, no floating, no advantages. Mono e mono. Only one can come out alive. I wish you the worst of luck."

Anti-Wanda giggled and jumped up and down on Anti-Cosmo's bed. "I've always wanted to play the floor is water!" She exclaimed happily.

All around them are furniture floating in a shallow pool of crystal clear water. "Not just water, but the worst kind of water. 28-degree water. The supposed best water for humans to swim in. It's horrid. The stakes are high."

"I love steaks. The bloodier the better."

"Alright, I'll poof you one if you win. I'll poof myself carrots if I win." He poofed the bottle to a floating, shining table on the other side of the room. "Three, two, one, GO!" The two ran to opposite sides of the bed and jumped onto the next closest furniture. When it came to which chair to go to next, Anti-Cosmo hesitated, trying to calculate the shortest path to the wand. On the other hand, Anti-Wanda jumped like a crazy person from furniture to furniture, even if she wasn't going toward the bottle.

"Am I winning? I love winning," Anti-Wand said.

Anti-Cosmo's want to win took over his analytical side. "You won't be winning for long," he said and jumped to the closest chair. He went a little too far right and landed in the water. The young anti-fairy spit water out of his mouth. "Well, you won, so I guess you weren't winning for long."

Anti-Wanda jumped in the air and stayed there. "Yay! I won!" She flew over, grabbed the bottle, and poofed up a very rare steak and started eating it with her feet. After her first bite, she lifted the bottle again and poofed up carrots in front of Anti-Cosmo. "Even if you don't win, it's great having stuff you like, right?"

The younger anti-fairy nodded and smiled. "Thank you. But if we both get rewards, just to be even, we both have to lose." Anti-Cosmo flew out of the water, grabbed Anti-Wanda, then flew back into the water with a splash.

The two where both dripping wet and laughing. Eventually, they started splashing each other with the water.

Foop was watching with Anti-Schnozmo next to him. "Is this what they always do in their free time?" Foop asked.

"No, Neither Anti-Cosmo nor Anti-Wanda can even dream about poofing all this up with their magic. They seem to enjoy weaponless magic a lot more than I thought they would."

"A hell of a lot more than I do, that's for sure," Foop grumbled and glared at his father's terrible rattle.

Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda continued to take full advantage of Foops magic by playing game after game until Anti-Blonda came, scolded Anti-Cosmo, and poofed away with her sister. Foop had nothing better to do, so he watched his parents play, but he didn't pay attention for the most part since he was thinking.

Twenty-four hours since the contract was signed came around before Foop knew it. Before Anti-Cosmo knew it too.

"No, please, I need it!" Anti-Cosmo cried as Foop struggled to take his bottle back. "It's the best thing that's ever happened in my life! You can't just take it! I'd rather die! Please, Foop, you have a great name and eyes and are really cool. Please let me keep it! Please!"

Foop eventually pried it out of the clawing hands of the anti-child close to tears. "But I need it. Here, you can have this," he said and gave back the bright blue raddle.

Anti-Cosmo glared at his future son. "You monster! I won't forget your stupid purple eyed face for as long as I live and you will rue the day that you gave me happiness just to rip it away! Every molecule of your being will be in immense pain once I'm through with you!"

"Oh, right, I probably should do that," Foop mumbled. He raised his bottle and it flashed black, erasing Anti-Cosmo's memory of the last twenty-four plus hours, and as an added bonus, it shut him up. Foop took the moments when his father was dazed to poof away.

The door creaked open and Foop floated into his home, but this time he wasn't covered in bomb ash and instead had a paper in his hand. The square anti-baby was greeted with two poofs from an adult Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda. The later immediately hugged her son, the other glared.

"Foop, I was so worried for you! Nobody knew where you were."

"Yes, Foop," Anti-Cosmo growled his son's name. "Your mother was worried sick. The whole point of grounding you was not so you could disappear off the face of the universe for two days completely defenseless! It was so you could learn responsibility! Clearly-"

Anti-Cosmo continued his lecture. Foop knew his parents would be angry, but he didn't think they'd be this angry. They didn't even know what he did, he just vanished for a while with no explanation at all. "Sorry," Foop mumbled.

"Sorry," Anti-Cosmo scoffed and rolled his eyes. The anti-child handed the paper in his hand to his father. "What's this?" He asked as he read it.

"An updated report card. Apparently, all you have to do to get good grades is turn in homework and actually do the tests instead of building a nuclear weapon out of them. Sorry about the C, I'm just bad at math."

The new card had all As and Bs, with the exception of the C, which was practically a C+. Anti-Wanda looked over Anti-Cosmo's shoulder. "Those letters are good, aren't they?" She asked.

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "They're decent," he said and handed the paper back to his son. "I'll let the C slide, but you're still grounded for not telling us where you went for two days."

"Yeah, I know," Foop muttered. He started to float to his room when he thought of something. "Father?" he asked, "What was it like when you were my age?"

"Why on Earth would you want to know that all of a sudden?"

Anti-Wanda smiled. "It's his first interest in our lives! I'll get the camera!" She poofed away.

"Well," Foop said, ignoring his mother, "you said that you worked very hard to become Anti-Fairy World's leader, and I thought it would be an interesting story. Besides, there's some things that I might learn about this family, like if I have any distant cousins, or uncles, or something like that. Besides, I only know Gramma and Grandpa on mother's side."

"Sorry to dash you're newfound dreams, but I'm an only child, and you won't be seeing my parents any time soon, but I'll happily tell you how I became the most power anti-fairy."

Anti-Cosmo told Foop all the exciting things he and Anti-Wanda did as children, with Anti-Wanda taking random pictures and adding in details here and there. They both exaggerated some things and purposely left out other parts. To Foops surprise, it was actually pretty interesting.

'See,' Foop thought, 'I told you your current life would be better than living as Anti-Poof.'

'Shut up you goodie two shoes,' he thought back to himself, 'I just don't want to live on fairy owned land.'

'Sure. that's the only reason.'

Chapter Text

Maria jumped up and down. "Santa Day! Santa Day! Does Maria love Santa Day, yes or no? Yes, she does!" She started running around the room laughing.

Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes. "Santa Day," he groaned. "It makes the tedious days in heinous winter even more atrocious with the loathsome human's happiness and that detestable fatty Santa."

"Let me guess, you don't like Santa Day?" Ms. Magister asked. "I sort of agree with you. The presents are nice and all, but a day without magic isn't exactly great."

"Santa Day is horrible. No magic, pounds of coal, and I don't even have the wonders of school to distract me," he complained and crossed his arms. "Besides, Santa's one of the worst humans ever."

"I don't like Santa either, he always gives me these black rocks," Anti-Wanda pitched in, "but I like Santa Day. Mom and Dad are off of work so we have fun together and they get me lots of presents."

"My family hates each other too much to do that. Instead, I loathe in the kilometers of coal that comes spewing through the house, courtesy of that vapid, fat idiot."

Blaine looked at the complaining Anti-Fairy. He hesitated, but eventually asked, "Why do you hate Santa so much?"

"Because he's a bias, lying hypocrite who doesn't even own up to being a biased lying hypocrite. He says he's good because he gives presents to children for nothing in return, but he does it all wrong. Why does he, the most privileged human, have the right to pass a judgment on the general population? I'm one of the nicest people I know but every year, without fail, coal. It's a rigged system that's treated like it's flawless. Utterly horrible. The snow doesn't help either."

"I don't like Santa because he's mean and unfair," Anti-Wanda said.

"That's what a bias, lying hypocrite is."

"Oh, okay, I agree with Anti-Cosmo then."

Blaine shook his head. "Wait, how do you think you're a nice person? You call everything and everyone horrible, that's not very nice."

"See," Anti-Cosmo complained. He pointed his rattle at the blind elf. "That's the flaw in the system. The privileged don't see any issue since they have an unfair advantage. You're probably thinking 'oh, of course he hates Santa, he's an evil anti-fairy who always gets coal', but that's just the problem. Fairies just exist and they get presents since they're good by nature, while anti-fairies can try as hard as they can to be nice and still get squat." He started pacing in the air. "It's rigged. I'm such a great person since my mother is truly terrible and it would be so easy to be like her, but I actively decide not too. The 'naughty' and 'nice' lists should be arranged how I would arrange them. Not just falling into the social constructs made by the elitist fairies, but looking at their lives and their influences and seeing what they could be instead of what they are. Think about what they are in relation to that. Compare how much better or worse they could be and how easy it would be to go either way, then judge off that. An unbiased, fair way to determine what makes a person truly nice and naughty."

Blaine stared at him. "What? But… what? That's not how you decide if someone's nice. Ms. Magister, can you tell Anti-Cosmo why that's not right?"

Ms. Magister smiled slightly. "Nah, I'd rather not. I'm pretty sure you can though."

"Um… Okay…." Blaine mumbled. "I think that Santa's current method is good. As far as I can tell, he gives nice people nice things and bad people coal. Even if anti-fairy's are… um… more likely to be evil… they're still evil."

"And what would classify as being a 'bad person'?" Anti-Cosmo asked, putting air quotes around bad person, but Blaine couldn't see them.

"Well, if a person does bad things, and the bad things can't be outweighed by the good things that they do, they're a bad person. For example, trying to steal wands and trying to overthrow anything are bad things, so someone who does that a lot is a bad person."

Anti-Cosmo nodded his head. "I see. So what if this totally hypothetical person does overthrow his home world and in the process make it infinitely better, therefore all of its thousands of citizens are much happier? Making people happy is a so-called 'good thing', isn't it? It would outway the 'bad thing' of overthrowing, wouldn't it?"

"Well, this hypothetical person will probably also use that power to take over the rest of the universe, and a lot more people would be miserable under his rule, so he'll still be a bad person. Constantly trying to overthrow things will have him forever stay on the naughty list."

"Forever stay on the naughty list, huh? I doubt it. He'd take over fairy world and earth then make sure Santa rearranges his list to have results that actually are correct for once. He'll personally deliver all the coal to the two-shoed elites who honestly think that they deserve presents as they've wrongly gotten in years past, then he'll lick the salty tears off their faces of realization that they are inferior." Anti-Cosmo smiled at the thought. "Oh what a day it'll be…"

Blaine sighed and buried his head into his hands. "And you honestly think that you're a good person?"

Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Yes, I honestly think that I'm a great person, but we're talking about a hypothetical man, of which is also a great person. He could have ended Christmas altogether and have nobody get presents. He could have given naughty people their worst fears instead of coal. He even could have killed all of humanity at this point. He changes the faulty system to accommodate for actually nice people and takes humongous joy in the sorrow of those who have indirectly wronged him. Even by your warped views on ethics, that shouldn't be such a bad thing."

"You… you're so weird…" Blaine muttered.

"I beg to differ. You'll see that many others share my view. For example, Anti-Wanda, what's your take on ethics."

"What, me?" Anti-Wanda questioned. She wasn't paying attention to her friend's conservation in the slightest. "I don't know."

"What makes a person a good person?" Anti-Cosmo restated.

Anti-Wanda smiled. "I know this one! If someone does something and they think, 'that's a good thing to do', and they still do it then they're a good person. If someone does something and they think, 'that's a bad thing to do', and they still do it then they're a bad person."

"So it all comes down to personal guilt in your eyes?" Blaine asked.

Anti-Wanda shrugged "Sure."

"It's close enough of values to mine. At least her views don't exclude the disadvantaged as yours does," Anti-Cosmo said.

The leprechaun lifted his head again. "Anti-Wanda's views on morals aren't great either," he told Anti-Cosmo, then turned his attention to the other anti-fairy. "What if someone's crazy and don't feel guilty, even over the most horrible of things?"

"If they don't think 'this is bad' before, and after I guess, doing it, then they're good," Anti-Wanda said.

"And you know, if they're crazy it's probably a lot easier to do those heinous acts than tolerate their fellow humans. They'd be a decent to good person. It's too vague to determine the exact measure of his so-called 'niceness'."

'In my opinion,' Dillan added in sign. He was reading their lips to know what they were talking about. 'It doesn't matter as much how they feel about it, or how it could be; it's mostly about the intentions of a person's actions.'

Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda stared at Dillan blankly. Ms. Magister translated for them. Anti-Wanda continued to stare blankly while her friend bobbed his head. "Interesting stance," he said, "Still not correct, but better than your bother's. Here's a question for ya. Let's say there are five humans who got thrown in a ditch with a bomb. In the hole next to it is a human in no danger at all. Do you throw the bomb to kill the one innocent person, or just leave it to kill the five others?"

"Why can't I throw the bomb somewhere besides the two holes?" Blaine asked.

"Because I hate you."

'I'd kill the one innocent person. My intentions would be to save five, so it would still be the right thing to do,' Dillan signed and Ms. Magister repeated.

"I'd save the five people too," Blaine agreed.

Anti-Wanda tilted her head slightly. "Really?" she asked, "Cause the right way is to let the bomb go off and then find another one to put with the last person so he doesn't feel left out either. All twelve of them are dead, but they're all happily ghosts together, so it's nice."

Anti-Cosmo smiled and nodded. "Anti-Wanda is right. The correct way is killing all the humans. I also would have accepted walking away and letting it kill the five since it's not your problem."
"That's not right. What's wrong with you two?"

'Well, Anti-Wanda's intentions are to make them happy, so she's not that wrong.'

"But she's needlessly killing another! A murderer isn't a saint."

"Well," Anti-Cosmo said, "A murderer could be a good person if his situation is right. What if he was raised by a family of murderers and he knows what he's doing is wrong, but he'd get disowned, tortured, then murdered by the same family that he's grown to love? Why should he sacrifice his way of life for random people? He could be a lot worse a lot easier to win the respect of his family, but he doesn't, he only kills one person a day. Great guy if you ask me."

"But…" Blaine mumbled, "But he's still a murderer Anti-Cosmo. He's a horrible person

"Yeah," Anti-Wanda said, "He knows he's being mean to the people so he's a bad person."

'Not necessarily,' Dillan added, 'His intentions are to make sure his own family doesn't murder him. It's not fair to call him a bad person. Any sensible person would try to make that not happen.'

"A sensible person wouldn't murder at all," Blaine argued.

Anti-Cosmo floated lower so he was eye to eye with the twins. "See, pointy-eared one, you're own dear brother agrees with me. That's the majority, therefore I'm more correct than you."

"Two against two isn't majority."

"Three against two, Ms. Teacher repeated it so she agrees."

"I'm not a part of this," Ms. Magister said as she wrote stuff down.

"Fine then, Maria do you agree with me?"

"Yes! Maria does love Santa Day," the elf said happily. She ran around in circles.

"That doesn't count," Blaine said, "She's not listening to us."

"Well her opinion doesn't count at all really. Santa Day propaganda is pumped into an elf's malleable brain from the second they're born practically. They're biased just like Santa himself," Anti-Cosmo argued.

"And biased is a bad thing, right? So is propa-whatsit?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Yep. Bias is making a horrible holiday worse. Propaganda can be good if used in a good way though."

"What is Pro-po-panda?"

"Well," Anti-Cosmo started explaining. He was using examples from the Fairy Godchildren War as references to his points.

While Anti-Cosmo, Anti-Wanda, and Blaine were occupied, Dillan went over to Maria and signed a question. She giggled and used his hands to sign back an answer. They continued a conversation like that until Dillan gave her a thumbs up and joined his other classmates again. 'Maria says that she thinks all people are nice, no matter what,' Dillan signed and Ms. Magister repeated.

Anti-Cosmo stopped talking since Blaine wasn't really paying attention and Anti-Wanda wasn't retaining anything. "Really?" the anti-fairy asked, "No matter what? What if their life is perfect but they steal just because they can, not because they need to?"

'Apparently.'

"I told you she was brainwashed."

"Wait a second," Blaine said, "how does that mean she's brainwashed? Santa has a naughty list, and, as far as we know, Maria doesn't think anybody should be on a naughty list."

Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes. "You simpleton, there's more than one way to brainwash someone. What has happened in Maria's life has indoctrinated her views on life. Her family tried to proselytize their Santa warped views onto her but she picked and chose which ones to believe."

"Wouldn't that just be forming an opinion while being influenced by her life?"

"I never said that others aren't brainwashed. She's just been persuaded to thinking the wrong thing. There's such a thing as a bad person. Even that hypothetical world conquerer from before could become a bad person if he continues to steal wands after he has sufficient power. Ethics exist for a reason, so Maria's view is just plain incorrect. She still would agree that a murderer could be good, so I win."

"Unless it's purely in self-defense, a murderer can never be a good person!" Blaine argued.

As the day went on, the argument went on. All five students contributed their inputs onto a variety of scenarios. Ms. Magister was writing all of their hypotheticals, along with their responses. She also translated for Dillan, and sometimes for Maria's nonsense. By the time the school bell rang they where arguing loud enough that only Blaine and Maria could hear it, but they didn't pay attention to it.

It wasn't long before Anti-Blonda poofed her sister away, making Anti-cosmo realize it was time to go. Without missing a beat, he poofed away from the rest of his class to stand in front of his brother's.

It took a while for the anti-teen to come out since he's usually the last one out of the class. Once he did, he was startled by how cross he seemed. "What happened?"

"Santa Day is utterly horrendous because people like that stupid leprechaun have morals that make an unfair experience for the unfortunate. If people like him just vanished, Santa Day might be just partially horrendous."

Anti-Schnozmo looked at his brother in equal parts surprised and confused. "Your class was talking about morals? Like the whole time or-"

"Yes the whole time! Eight straight hours of learning about how everyone besides me is wrong in varying ways and how that's ruining the worlds! If everybody thought like me, the worlds would be a great place." the younger anti-fairy complained angerly. "Instead, we're stuck with these deplorable fragments of acreage inhabited with the bourgeoisie and proletariats which animate prepositioned, ludicrous interpretations!"

"What?" Anti-Schnozmo asked. He knows that Anti-Cosmo tended to use larger words when he gets angry, but he doesn't know what half those larger words mean. He doesn't spend hours in the thesaurus for fun, unlike other people.

Anti-Cosmo glared at him. "What do you say makes a person good or not?" He asked instead of repeating what he said in simpler terms.

"Oh, um, I guess if they treat others how they want to be treated it would make them a good person. Let's say a person doesn't want homework forced upon them, then they're a bad person if they force the manipulatable kid to do it. They'd be a bad person."

Anti-Cosmo just stared at him for a second. "That's stupid. You're stupid. If a person wants to die it's okay for them to kill in you're eyes? It's just stupid. Morals are stupid. So are ethics. Everything's stupid. Different people have different situations, you know. You're wrong and stupid." If it's not needlessly large synonyms, Anti-Cosmo likes to use the same word over and over again when thoroughly frustrated.

"Just because you don't agree with me doesn't mean I'm wrong. It's an opinion."

"A wrong opinion," Anti-Cosmo muttered, "Besides, the almighty pointy-eared leprechaun called my opinion 'not right', so clearly, opinions are physically capable of being wrong."

Anti-Schnozmo sighed. "I've told you not to listen to the other kids at school."

"Whatever. Let's just go home."

"Okay," Anti-Schnozmo complied. They poofed home.

The day after Santa Day everybody went back to school. Nobody in room 720 mentioned the class two days ago, but for some reason, the students felt different towards their classmates. It was like they understood each other more. They understood more of why they think the way that they do. They empathized with each other more. It doesn't mean they liked each other any more than they did a week ago. If anything, they hated each other more.

But hey, they all got brand new toys. That's all that Santa Day is about, isn't it?

Chapter Text

Anti-Cosmo floated close to the school's detention room waiting patiently for Anti-Schnozmo to finish. His teacher caught him letting others cheat off of him on a standardized test, so the young anti-fairy had to wait for his brother all month. This time, things were a little different.

Usually, the three-hour wait was in complete silence; nobody cared enough about the kids in detention to wait around for them most of the time. Anti-Cosmo would have preferred the usual silence over the company he got.

"I can't believe them. They're such idiots," Wanda complained. She was floating around angrily as Anti-Cosmo tried his best to ignore his best friend's complete opposite. "Who in their right mind gets in trouble at school over a stupid little toy?"

"Yep. Your friends are quite doltish," Anti-Cosmo agreed in a feeble attempt to get the fairy to be quiet.

"I don't even like plumppets!" She continued. Anti-Cosmo couldn't help but laugh. "What's so funny?"

"Your friends got in trouble because they were playing with a plumppet?" Anti-Cosmo snickered. "Even my friend wasn't stupid enough to get in trouble with hers."

Wanda's pink eyes shot daggers at the anti-fairy, who didn't care. "Don't talk about my friends like that. Besides, it's not like you have much room to talk. Weren't you the one stupid enough to go to Fairy World on Friday the thirteenth?"

"Oh, what an insult. I'm very offended. I was convinced that bringing a toy to class and using it instead of learning to such a degree where I get punished was pathetic, but you convinced me otherwise. Besides, anyone who's friends with you can't possibly be a classic idiot fairy. My mistake," Anti-Cosmo sarcastically said.

Wanda balled her fist and brought her wand out of thin air. "You're such a jerk! I'm going to tell Daddy about you and you'll be in trouble, you anti-fairy!" She poofed away.

A sigh of relief escaped the young anti-fairy. "Blimey, getting rid of her was laborious." Happy with the silence that once more consumed the hallway, Anti-Cosmo waited for his brother again.

Eventually, the kids came filing out of the in-school suspension room. Lots more than usual. Most of the mythical kids had at least one of these fuzzy toys in their arms. A plumppet. They had soft fur in a plethora of colors to form a variety of simple shapes, but most were fat and round. They had multi-colored, large eyes that took up half of the face and an abundance of different hairstyles above that. It wore a wooden cross on its back, strings from each end attaching to both the hands and legs of the creature.

All the kids and their toys all were long gone before Anti-Schnozmo came out the door. "You ready to go?" he asked Anti-Cosmo.

He nodded and the two poofed away.

When Anti-Cosmo floated into his class the next day, it was full of plumppets. Blaine and Dillian had three sparkly golden ones and five bright green ones shaped like clovers in front of them. Maria had four and was using them as puppets, two in each hand hers where all round and were in all different colors.

"Look Anti-Cosmo, I got a green one and a pink one! Isn't that cool? Those are the only colors I know the names of too," Anti-Wanda said. She was cuddling with the two toys.

"Those aren't the ones you had yesterday. Did you get new ones?"

Anti-Wanda nodded. "Yep! Ms. Magister is giving them out. I have the other ones over there. Once you open yours we can play with them together!"

Ms. Magister had four eggs on her desk. "Yeah, the school's trying this new thing. Apparently, it's better to reward good behavior compared to punishing bad, and since these little things are so dang cheap we bought a bunch. Four go to kids with As, three for Bs, and so on. Here's yours." She used her magic to float them over to him.

Anti-Cosmo cracked open his four eggs to see four average plumppets. He and Anti-Wanda played with them for the rest of the day. After the bell rang, Anti-Cosmo gave his four to his friend. He couldn't see the point in them.

It was back to waiting for his brother to get out of detention. Wanda was still there waiting for her friends, complaining to Anti-Cosmo the whole time.

It's only been four days since plumppets got released, but the class's floor was completely covered with three layers of them. Every classroom was like this. Anti-Cosmo floated in, staring at the hoard before him in awe. He doesn't see the appeal that a plumppet apparently oozes. It's actually incredibly impressive how liked plumppets really are; in many cases, both a fairy and it's anti-fairy counterpart love the trademarked balls of fluff with limbs.

"Isn't it great, Anti-Cosmo?" Anti-Wanda asked, "We've got even more plumppets! Now we can play with them all day long!"

Anti-Cosmo put on one of the fakest smiles of his life. "How splendid, but didn't we play with them all day long yesterday? And the day before that? And half of the day before that one?"

"Yeah, and?"

"Don't you think we should play with something else? We never finished our game of senet, for example. We could do that instead."

Anti-Wanda laughed. "Don't be crazy, plumppets are funner than that weird game. These are the new ones too! Look, their eyes light up if you squeeze it!" She picked up a triangular, orange plumppet and squeezed it. It's light brown eyes lit up and shone brightly into Anti-Cosmo's green ones.

"Why would you want that?" he asked, looking away from the bright light source.

"Cause it's cool," She said and turned off the light by squeezing it again. "And, it's only a one in ten chance to get one like this. I think that's really rare."

Anti-Cosmo looked at the covered ground beneath him. "Considering you have over fifty, I'm not surprised. You remembering a statistic though, that's quite impressive."

"So are you going to play plumppets with me?" Anti-Wanda asked. Anti-Cosmo took notice how she didn't ask what words like 'statistic' meant, unlike how she usually did.

"What would happen if I say no?"

Anti-Wanda thought for a second and shrugged. "I guess I'd play with them without you."

Anti-Cosmo laughed nervously. "Y-you would never do that."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm your friend. I don't like those things but I've waisted three days of my life in a row playing with them because you're my friend. I don't want to make it a forth. We should play senet. Or, we could do something else. Anything else really. Your pick."

"If I get to pick I want to pick plumppets."

Anti-Cosmo groaned. "Aaaaanything else."

The two anti-fairies stared at each other in silence for a second. Anti-Wanda broke it by saying "Well, I'm going to play with my plumppets, and you can too if you want to." She did as she said.

"Wait, but I hate everyone else in this class! I didn't bring audiobooks or anything. What am I supposed to do?"

Anti-Wanda ignored him, even after he continued to complain. After a while, he cleared a little corner on the opposite side of the room until the carpet could be seen again and started to bitterly play senet as both players. At one point, Ms. Magister felt bad and joined him, but immediately regretted it as he cheated continuously. It wasn't long before Anti-Cosmo was back to using a two-player board game by himself.

After five out of the eight hours of school passed, the young anti-fairy gave in and begrudgingly played with the plumppets. He still didn't see why everybody loved them so much.

Well, almost everyone.

"Why does this keep happening? It's like they're not even thinking," Wana complained. She and Anti-Cosmo were waiting outside detention again. "It's those stupid plumppets. It's like they get rid of good judgment or something."

"Toys can't just spawn bad judgment. Maybe your friends-" Anti-Cosmo started.

"No," Wanda interrupted, "stop saying bad things about my friends. You don't even know them."

"You sure? I've heard more about them in the past four days than I'd ever dream of wanting to in my whole infinite life. They're idiots, and you're an idiot for being friends with them."

"You're waiting for an idiot who got in detention too!" Wanda argued.

"He's not an idiot! Anti-Sch-" Anti-Cosmo started, but he stopped himself. 'What am I talking about?' he thought. 'Anti-Schnozmo is an idiot. And plumppets do get rid of good judgment. That must be why.' He poofed away, leaving Wanda to wait by herself.

"Hey, come back here! I'm not done giving you a piece of my mind!" she yelled at no one.

Anti-Cosmo was poofing a few feet after another but decided just to fly instead. He flew all the way to the Middlelands Mall. There, a whole store was purely dedicated to plumppets. That same story had about 95% of all the people at the mall inside. The youngest anti-fairy in existence was in dismay as he watched a wide variety of mythical beings, all ranging in ages, fighting each other for the twelfth plummet in their cart. Some kids were outside of the store playing with their newly bought toys. Two fairy kids where particularly loud.

"Hey, listen to your plumppet. It purrs."

"No way, that's so cute! It's like it's really alive!"

"It's not on it's listed features. Strange huh? Maybe it doesn't want to be found..."

"What do you mean?"

"What if it's there to scoop out your brains? Finding it could ruin everything."

"Shut up Doug."

Anti-Cosmo stopped eavesdropping and stopped staring at the store. He flew over to an abandoned part of the mall. Out of his backpack, he pulled out an egg that held a plumppet in it. The school handed out more that day, but he kept his instead of giving it to Anti-Wanda. It was easy to crack open the egg. Inside was a dark red furred, navy blue-eyed ball of fluff with pitch black arms, legs, and crossbar. He put it up to his ear, and the kids were right; it made a low, monotone hum. It sounded like a machine in constant work. "Maybe it is mind control. The only reason why I'm not affected is because I'm an unholy abomination. It all makes sense! And the only way to stop it is to get to the root of the problem."

Finding where the root of the problem was turned into a problem itself. Anti-Cosmo's plan to ask the plumppet clerk got distilled by the two-hour-long line. Once he finally got to the front, the girl working the counter said she couldn't answer anyone's questions if they weren't buying anything. Irritatedly, Anti-Cosmo, who has no money and practically no magic, left the store and searched the desolate mall for some lost change. After, he waited in the now three-hour-long line to buy a toy he hated. The clerk told him to ask the store's manager, who told him to ask the head shipping, who then told him where to find the factory. By the time he flew there, it was already well into the night.

It's pretty easy to break into places when you have magic, especially if there's no anti-magic detectors around. Sneaking around was going to be a little harder. There wasn't enough time to go home, so Anti-Cosmo was still wearing his bright blue school uniform. It didn't seem to much of a problem however, nobody was working in the factory that bustled with activity. It was all automated. Line after line of plumppets were rolled out of one machine on a long sheet of fabric and placed into another machine. Humans wouldn't create such fluent, efficient uses of metal like this place did for another few thousand years. Although fluent, the machines looked cheaply made and fragile.

The anti-fairy navigated the unfamiliar factory with no idea where he was supposed to be going, he just flew in a direction he thought might lead somewhere. He didn't even know what he was supposed to be looking for, but he didn't really care.

Out of the corner of his eye, Anti-Cosmo saw something move in the opposite direction of the conveyor belt. He looked over, without disrupting his flight, to see something small and gray moving on a control platform. 'What's that?' he thought. While Anti-Cosmo was distracted, he accidentally ran into a flimsy metal pole, denting it. "Ow," he mumbled. He looked back at where he saw the thing, but it wasn't anywhere to be seen.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "You're so stupid," he told himself. "This factory is stupid." He kicked the pole he ran into, denting it even more. "That really hurt," Anti-Cosmo complained to nobody. He floated slowly to the floor and put his head on his knees. "What were you even thinking? What's one idiot anti-fairy supposed to do in a place that probably has thousands of dollars and infinite magic? You can't even fly like a normal person…"

Not that far away, a fairy was in the factory too. Completely dressed in black clothing, Wanda was wandering around cautiously looking for the same thing as Anti-Cosmo. Honestly, she didn't know what she was looking for either. Before she could find whatever she wanted, a sudden clank of metal stopped her in her tracks as fear washed through her. A second one, louder than the last, was heard. It was followed with some incomprehensible noises she guessed was someone talking. 'Who is that?' she thought. 'If they find me, will they call my parents?' Wanda shook the thought out of her head. 'I didn't come all the way over here to be scared. The factory worker will know their way around better than I do. It's probably best to go talk to them.'

Slowly, Wanda started flying to the mumblings holding her wand defensively. Eventually, the words where understandable. "It's not mind control," it said, "Anybody would choose a toy over you. Even you would if you stop convincing yourself that you're actually worth something."

'It's that kid from school,' Wanda thought. At first, she thought he was talking about her since it was all in second person. She soon guessed he was talking to himself and didn't even know that she was there. "A-are you okay?" she asked.

Anti-Cosmo immediately poofed to be floating in front of Wanda and he waved his hand dismissively. "Of course I'm okay, Anti-Wanda's opposite. There's a perfectly good explanation for me to be doing that, but you ruined my whole plan. How did you even get here? And why?"

"Um," Wanda mumbled. She didn't really believe his lie, but he did seem completely fine, so she moved on from it. "I read where the factory was off the back of my sister's plumppet boxes and just poofed here. I'm here to shut down the factory so my friends won't get detention anymore. How about you?"

"I'm going to get the factory shut down first, and I'm not going to give my reasons for doing so out just because you did."

Wanda stared at him. "Why not? Your reason can't be that important that it needs to be a secret. And why first? We both want the factory shut down, wouldn't it be smarter to work together?" She didn't like him by any means, but she didn't know what she was doing either. She'd rather work together and get to bed sooner than spend hours wandering aimlessly and alone.

"How do I know you won't be a hindrance to my cause?"

"Oh, I'm the one who's going to be a hindrance. Last time I checked, I'm not the one who," Wanda looked over to see the weirdly shaped dents in the pole and put two and two together, "ran into a pole and started crying on the floor."

"For the record, I didn't do that either," Anti-Cosmo lied.

"And another thing," Wanda continued, ignoring his comment. She pointed her wand at him. "Your school uniform-" She never finished. The grey thing from before jumped onto her shoulder, catching her attention too. It was a small, non-magical mouse. The young fairy screamed, dropped her wand in fear, and pushed the mouse off of her.

It seemed barely affected by it's fall since it immediately started running. Fastly scurrying across the floor, it grabbed the yellow wand and ran away with it.

"Hey!" Wanda yelled at the mouse as she started to chase it.

Anti-Cosmo motioned at where Wanda used to be. "And she didn't think she'd be a hindrance. At least I" his wand appeared in his hand, "still have my wand. Pathetic fairy. Anti-Wanda is clearly the superior one of the two, even despite her easily washed brain tricking her to hate me. You know, if she were her she'd be useful... most likely. Well, it would be a 50-50 chance of being useful, but a 92% chance of at least being enjoyable. That's a high 46% chance she'd be both. I'd happily take those odds."

Wanda flew back around the corner. "Who are you even talking to?"

The young anti-fairy rolled his eyes. "She doesn't know who I'm talking too. How pitiful. Clearly, I'm talking to myself, you eavesdropper."

"Whatever, I need you to poof us through a door over there."

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "I guess you need someone else, because I prefer not to actively seek out setbacks."

"It won't be a setback. The door had the words 'machine operation room' on it. I bet that if you want the factory to shut down all you have to do is destroy things in there. You just poof us both in and everything would work out great."

Looking around absentmindedly, Anti-Cosmo tapped himself lightly with his wand, as if he was deep in thought. "Hmmm," he said, "Interesting. A machine operation room would be useful, but what I fail to see is how I would benefit by poofing you in too. As far as I can tell, it'll just be a waste of my precious magic."

Wanda glared at him then flew up and grabbed his tie. "Listen, you little jerk, I know about the blue-suited kids at school, so I've been nicer to you than I should, but you don't get that anymore."

"What, are you going to call your dad?"

"No, I don't need to. I've taken a few years of magicless self-defense with my sister. I can fight against someone with no magic, or against someone with magic that can't even poof them more than a couple feet at a time. Now," Wanda grabbed Anti-Cosmo by the ear and started dragging him to the door. "Poof us both in there or you'll be sorry."

The young anti-fairy poofed out of Wanda's grip. It did hurt, but it wasn't anything he's not used to by now, he just didn't like people touching him. He looked at the door. He knew that the machine operation room was where he wanted to go and he would have never been able to find it on his own, so he did owe Wanda a favor. Even if he did hate her immensely.

Anti-Cosmo looked at his wand. He could easily just poof himself in there, like he told Wanda, but if he poofed them both there is a chance of putting the fairy through pain due to his anti-magic. Granted, his wand's magic was so deluded it probably wouldn't.

He sighed. "Fine." The two mythical children poofed away in a dark cloud and barely made it to the other side of the wall with a door painted on it.

Inside was rows of cheap looking controls, a glowing, somewhat fancy looking machine in the corner, and a big, gray floating chair in the middle of it all. "So," a voice said, "you're the ones running around my factory. If it is for free Plumppets, I can give you a coupon."

The voice was so dull and boring it could only mean one thing. 'A pixie,' Anti-Cosmo thought, 'my factory. Strange.'

"No. We hate Plumppets and we know what you're doing to people who use them!" Wanda said.

"You do? Interesting." The pixie turned around in his chair, revealing a fairy wand in his hand, which neither of them paired attention to. "A pair of cynical kids."

"Cynical!" Wanda argued, "I'm not cynical, I just prefer having friends pay attention to their friend instead of a ball of yarn, is that so bad!"

"Yeah, and I'm far too untrusting and pessimistic to just be called cynical," Anti-Cosmo remarked.

Wanda was about to argue more about how un-cynical she is, but the teenaged fairy noticed the wand the pixie was holding. "Hey, that's mine!" she exclaimed.

"Indeed," the pixie said. In a pink poof, Wanda and Anti-Cosmo got tied up to a nearby pole together.

While Wanda was struggling to get out of the ropes he floated over to Anti-Cosmo and took his wand away while he was still coughing from the fairy magic.

He took the wand and rattle over to the large, glowing machine. It had three columns. The one furthest left was glowing yellow, and the one furthest right was glowing blue. The middle column wasn't glowing, but it seemed to be filled with a fog of some sort. Under the two glowing parts where holes.

The pixie shoved Wanda's wand into the hole under the yellow glow, and was about to do the same with Anti-Cosmo's rattle on the other side, but got interrupted by the mouse from before.

It squeaked, catching the pixie's attention. "How did the pipe break?"

"*Squeak*"

"What is the size of the build-up due to the dent?" He looked at the two wandless, tied up children and decided that it would be safe to leave them there. He followed the mouse with a gray poof to try and fix the dent.

"What's wrong with you? Are you sick or something? You could have poofed us out if you weren't busy with a spontaneous cough."

"Shut up," Anti-Cosmo hissed at her.

"Now daddy will know I went out after my bedtime and I'll be grounded for twenty-five days. Maybe even thirty!"

"What's with you and not shutting up?" Anti-Cosmo asked rhetorically. His voice was distorted and somewhat muffled.

Wanda looked over to see her fellow student biting down on the rope with his only two teeth. "Ew, that's gross, and it's not even going to work. Teeth probably can't break it, so what do you think gums will do?"

Anti-Cosmo glared at her. They haven't even been in there two minutes by now and he already regretted bringing her too. While giving a deep glare to the fairy beside him, he chomped down on the rope with a strength that most would assume a child his age wouldn't have. It broke the rope in the two places where his teeth where. Now broken, their restraint slowly uncoiled and fell. "I'll bite your head off with my gums, see how much you like that," he muttered.

Being younger and smaller, Anti-Cosmo got out faster than Wanda and grabbed his rattle. He pulled the wand out of the machine, which it was already hanging half out of, to see that its tip was brown and limp. "Well, this is useless now," he said and threw it behind him.

"Don't do that!" Wanda said. After grabbing her wand off the floor, she joined Anti-Cosmo in front of the strange device. "What did that thing do to my poor wand?"

"It must have absorbed all of the magic inside. This yellow glow must be mounds of fairy magic, and over here is anti-magic. Although, that's a lot for a factory in the middle of nowhere. Unless…" he flew around the device and looked at the back. "It's hard to tell, but there seems to be a couple servers back here. That device inside the plumppets must be absorbing magic and anti-magic to transport it here, but why?"

"And if that's the case, why does it say 'pixie magic combiner'? There's no pixie magic, just this weird gas."

Anti-Cosmo floated back around. "I listened to a book on magic once and it was horrible since it was actually theoretical magic practices and not a trick to get free magic. Anyway, the author hypothesized that, theoretically, if magic and anti-magic combine they should cancel out and make an unbiased form of magic, or pixie magic. It's been proven that if concentrated magic and anti-magic, like there is here, combine, then they'd explode and make all the surrounding concentrated magic explode as well." His bright green eyes looked up and down the columns. "It's a good thing too, since this much pixie magic could easily force an eminent domain on fairy world and make it prime for Pixie Inc. to take it over, but that wouldn't even make sense since this factory isn't in Pixie World. I don't see a motive that would make this much work worth it."

"Maybe you're right and it is to take over Fairy World," Wanda agreed, "I've heard stories about Pixies doing that. This pixie probably isn't in Pixie World or currently working for Pixie Inc. because he never did or got fired. Whatever the reason, now he's super jealous and wants to claim the title of head pixie for himself by taking over the place that the current HP hasn't been able too."

The young anti-fairy nodded. "Sounds reasonable. There's a fair chance of this being an abnormal pixie who doesn't hang on HP's every word. Whatever the case, the hypothesis about the magic is wrong so help me destroy everything in here and ignore that since it can't do much anyway."

Anti-Cosmo started floating away, but Wanda stopped him. "What if it can make pixie magic? Nobody would do all this knowing it wouldn't work."

"Pixies are idiots though."

"Pixies are logical idiots who don't like wasting money on uselessness. Factories, plumppets, and this thing cost money, and lots of time, which is money. My dad talks to me about business sometimes and I know that plumppets would barely make a profit, if they do at all."

"Well, Plumppets are stupidly cheap, I'll give you that. Just like how cheap everything here looks. Independently funded, I guess." Anti-Cosmo looked back at the three columns and looked specifically at the mostly empty middle one. "That section has to be where the two magic types intertwine to make pixie magic, but instead there's that gas. However, maybe there's a chance the pixie somehow found a compound that would make the combination of the two safe, therefore succeeding in making magic that he's compatible with. The anti-fairy and fairy magic have been specifically placed in separate locations, so he does know the consequences... This is a miracle of science!" He smiled and his eyes shined. "Pixies are geniuses! I should join forces with them! Together, we can conquer the worlds!"

Wanda knew that blue suited students aren't threats, so she ignored Anti-Cosmo's enthusiasm for conquering. Instead, she worried about the pixie who they determined has a very well thought out plan. "We have to stop him! He can't take over Fairy World!" Wanda cried.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "Yeah, he can't. Anti-Binky would get us taken over too and I'd take dark colors over a new ruler any day, unless that new ruler's me. How do you suppose we stop him? This machine is enforced with too strong of materials for pathetic children like us and adults wouldn't believe us, or ground you for staying up too late."

"Who are you calling pathetic!?" Wanda growled at him and grabbed his tie again. Anti-cosmo poofed out of her grasp again. Suddenly, a light bulb appeared over Wanda's head. "You could put your anti-magic into the normal magic side and blow the whole thing up! We'll save the worlds!"

"I hardly see how it would be we, I'm clearly doing everything, but okay." Anti-Cosmo flew to the hole on the fairy magic side and shoved in his rattle. Nothing happened. He pulled out his magical device to see it was darkened and droopy like Wanda's. "Shoot," Anti-Cosmo mumbled, "now I can't even poof out."

Wanda paled. "N-no... That can't be all… What happened?"

"My magic is utterly atrocious. I guess the ratio is too small to make any damage."

"B-but you have to have something! Didn't a special needs anti-fairy take over the school for a day a while ago? Just use what that person did."
Anti-Cosmo thought back to that day that happened close to two years ago. He doesn't like to dwell on failed plans all that much, despite Anti-Schnozmo telling him that learning from mistakes could help. He remembered what happened and shook his head. "That anti-fairy was me, by the way, and it won't work. I'm too old to have magic act out due to my emotions."

"But there's still internal magic or something, right?"

"I bet that's pathetic just like I am," Anti-Cosmo argued, "Besides, it's not like I can just put my hand in here and it extracts my internal magic. That would be stupid." He put his hand in the hole on the fairy magic side to prove his point, but it didn't go according to his plan. Instead, he could feel the machine forcefully take something intangible from inside him. "What? No, stop," Anti-Cosmo whined. He tried to take his hand out, but the machine wouldn't let him. The young anti-fairy floated to the floor and turned a couple shades lighter blue as his internal magic got sucked out.

Wanda felt a little bad for him, since he clearly didn't like it and was desperately trying to get out, but felt better seeing that their plan was working. The device was starting to shake and was exponentially shook harder. It wasn't long until the whole thing exploded, taking out the rest of the room with it and then some. Being immortal, Wanda was fine. Anti-Cosmo, on the other hand, was still not affected all that much by the giant explosion, but having almost all of your internal magic taken away was highly unnatural and exhausting. He was having trouble standing, so he knew the idea of flying was way out of the question. It felt close to when he made all of the snow, snow clouds, and not yet formed snow clouds disappear a while back.

"You okay, sport?" Wanda asked.

Anti-Cosmo mumbled incomprehensibly in response.

"That's not good," she mumbled. A gray poof sounded next to her. "That's worse."

"What did you kids do?" the pixie asked. His voice was still mostly emotionless but had a hint of anger in it. "You've ruined my fifty-seven years of work." Behind him, all the plumppets were in flames from the explosion, lighting up the night. Most the mechanisms used to make them were destroyed too, largely due to how cheap they were to begin with. "HP will never re-hire me now." The slight anger was now replaced with slight sorrow.

Wanda knew that pixies hated their overly long plans getting ruined. Floating backward in fear, Wanda raised her wand defensively again. Pixies could put her in jail, or they could find out who her dad is and take back their investments in his company. Either one would make Blonda the favorite in her dad's eyes along with her mother's, so neither one was an option to her. That's when Wanda released her wand was yellow again. It didn't have full power, but it could still poof her home and then some. She looked at Anti-Cosmo and felt guilt again. It wouldn't be fair to run away and leave him to be punished, no matter how much he got on her nerves. The pink haired fairy raised her wand higher and poofed herself into her shared room with Blonda to fall asleep as if nothing happened. Luckily for her, Blonda sleeps like a rock.

Wanda also poofed Anti-Cosmo to Anti-Wanda's house, not knowing anywhere else in Anti-Fairy World to poof him. He did call her Anti-Wanda's opposite after all, so they could have known each other, but Wanda hoped that he doesn't just call all fairies by their opposite's name, since that didn't seem too far fetched.

In Anti-Wanda's house, Anti-Cosmo looked around and recognized it as such. He didn't really care, however, since Anti-Wanda's family knew him already so he wouldn't get in much trouble, and he was too tired to really do anything about it. He walked, more of hobbled, to the nearby couch and fell asleep immediately.

Unlike Blonda, the quiet poofing sound that came from the story below woke up Anti-Blonda right away.

With her wand shaking in her fear-filled hands, she flew down to confront the intruder. The trembling stopped after she saw a person she'd always recognize. "Oh, it's the bad role model," she said quietly so she didn't wake up anybody else. The anti-teen noticed how drained the anti-fairy covered in explosion debris in front of her looked and sighed. "He's a bad role model to himself too." She mumbled and poofed him to his own bed.

"Did you hear that Plumppets are being recalled because of the cheap production value and the workers being mice?" Wanda asked Anti-Cosmo as they waited outside detention again. This was Anti-Schnozmo's last day in there, and the young anti-fairy was much too tired still to float home, so he decided that putting up with Wanda for one more day couldn't be the worse thing in the world.

"Yep. Anti-Wanda wasn't too happy about that, but she got over it after she 'won' the game of senet. Really, I fell asleep while playing and she just played for me, so no matter what she considered it her win. She didn't even play by the rules, but I don't either, so it didn't matter," he said. It was obvious that he was still tired from the night before since his eyes were half closed, had dark circles under them, and he sounded pretty energyless. Although, Anti-Cosmo was flying and back to his normal color, so it wasn't as bad as yesterday. He smiled happily. "Anti-Wanda and I are going to listen to books together tomorrow after school."

Wanda nodded, even though she didn't really care. "My friends aren't in trouble over plumppets anymore, now it's this new thing called makeup, which is basically a mask that disguises you even less. They're obsessed, so I think it wasn't mind control and my friends are just horrible. I'm thinking of getting new friends. Like that foreign boy, Juandissimo." Love hearts practically appeared in Wanda's pink eyes. "He's so dreamy. And he talks to me with such a nice accent."

Thinking a lot slower is a side effect of being tired, so Wanda was too wrapped up in thoughts of Juandissimo to hear Anti-Cosmo say how it had to be mind control. Despite what he said, there was a seed planted in his mind that maybe, just maybe, Anti-Wanda would abandon him that easily. He listened to Wanda's rambles for the rest of the time he waited, mostly since it was better than listening to the seed. He learned more about a fairy named Juandissimo than he'd ever wish to know about anybody, but it still beats the alternative.

Chapter Text

In a blue room, Anti-Wanda was sitting on darker blue furniture. In front of her floated Anti-Blonda, who was staring meekly at the floor. Beside her was a fairly thin man with a head that looked too big. On that head was a black hair, hidden mostly under a black fedora, and a mysterious scar next to his mouth. His eyes were red and skin was blue, like most Anti-Fairies, but unlike most, his suit had mostly bright colors, with the exception of a black tie. He was the Anti-Fairywinkle twins' father, Big Anti-Daddy.

"Okay, so, Anti-Wanda," he said in his submissive sounding, strangely accented voice. "Me and your mom work very hard." She nodded. "We're not home much." She still had no idea where her dad was going, but she nodded again. "Pretty soon, you're going to be alone." Anti-Wanda stared blankly instead of nodding. "Completely alone."

"All alone?" Anti-Wanda clarified. "But Anti-Blonda is always here." Said teen stared at the floor more intensely.

"She'll get her own job and house soon."

Anti-Wanda shrugged. "I could invite Anti-Cosmo over."

He looked from his daughter in front of him to the one beside him. In response, Anti-Blonda stared at him, her blood-red eyes talking for her. The anti-adult looked back to Anti-Wanda. "Anti-Cosmo isn't very responsible, sweetie," echoed Anti-Blonda's thoughts through her father's words.

"What does that mean?" asked Anti-Wanda. "If it means something bad, then I don't think it's true."

Her father sighed. "I know he's your friend but he's," he looked deep into his daughter's pink eyes and couldn't bring himself to say bad things about her best friend. "He can't be here all the time. He has to be busy at some point," he said instead.

"No, he's never busy. Anti-Cosmo tells me all the time that his life isn't worthwhile enough to partake in at any given point and that he'd abandon his dear brother at any slight provocation. Then he tells me that all those fancy words mean he's not busy."

"He said those same words enough times for you to remember it?" Anti-Blonda asked.

"Yeah."

Barely audibly Anti-Bloda mumbled, "he's such a freak."

"Anyway," Big Anti-Daddy continued, "You'll still be alone a lot. Your mom and I thought it would be best for you to learn how to cook, especially since you can't just poof things up."

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said. "Will Anti-Cosmo be there?"

"No, it'll only be you and your teacher. He's going to be a cookie elf I work with named Matthew Lagning. We already arranged for you to practice with him in five days. Is that okay?"

"Yeah. Can Anti-Cosmo be there?"

Anti-Blonda and her father sigh. The conversation dragged on for hours, mostly centered around how Anti-Wanda can't drag her friend with her to cooking class. Eventually, she understood and they all went on with their lives like normal.

Five days later when Anti-Blonda poofed her and her twin home, rather than being empty there was an adult elf. He had blue eyes and thick, dark purple hair that was partially covered by the typical turquoise elf hat. Like most other elves, he had a fairly young looking face and pointed ears. He wore the usual light turquoise shirt with a white collar but a dark teal apron made his outfit unique. Freckles that looked more like sprinkles lined his face over his big, buck-toothed smile.

"Well howdy there. You must be Anti-Wanda," he said looking at said twin. "I'm Matt, your new teacher. Are you ready to learn how to cook like never before."

She shrugged "I don't know."

"That's the spirit! Let's get cooking!"

Matt waltz's into the Anti-Fairywinkle kitchen with Anti-Wanda floating behind. "Now, let's start with something easy for your first time. How does a nice soup sound? We can even make some bread on the side."

"Okay."

"Splendid! First-" He went on to go step by step, helping the anti-teen throughout the whole process. Through the peeling, chopping, mixing, and decanting, Anti-Wanda kept asking questions, which the chef was happy to answer. After, a magical, floating pot stirred the spinach and white bean soup as it heated over the elves' invention of portable fire.

"As that gets all soft and toasty, we'll make some bread!" The elf brought out the ingredients for the said side. "First thing's first, let's stir the yeast with this water."

The two poured the grain into a lukewarm pot of water. "Wow, so this really can turn into bread? Is bread this yellow?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Yes, it does! It's real fascinating, really. And bread turns more orange and white after baking."

"Can bread become black? My friend likes back more than white."

They added sugar, oil, salt, and flour to their pot and continued to stir. "I don't see why not. We can add color later. I personally never leave home without my food color changer device. After we're done with our lessons, if you're father thinks that it's dandy, then I can give you a food color changer device of your own. You know, for this little friend of yours."

"What's a dandy?"

"It means good."

"Oh, okay." The bread was done kneading and placed into a bread shaped pan. Anti-Wanda looked at it. "It seems small."

"Don't worry, it'll grow," Matt said. He was already smiling, but he smiled bigger. "You know, a good baker will rise to the occasion. It's the yeast they could do."

"Occasion is a job isn't it?"

Matt stared at the anti-teen, a bit disappointed his joke went completely over her head. "No, I believe the word you're thinking of is occupation."

"Oh, yeah. I guess that sounds right."

It wasn't long before both the dishes were finished since elf magic was being used. Anti-Wanda looked at the soup she made and smiled. "Hey look, it's green."

Matt walked over to look at it and starred in surprise. It really was green. Bright green at that. Radio-active green wouldn't be a bad way of describing it. Only the liquid was this green though; the solid ingredients where now all had a fuzzy looking gray coating. "Well," the chef mumbled, "This is certainly new…"

"We eat it now, right?"

Matt laughed half-heartedly. "I think it would be best we throw this away," He said. "Besides, we still have some scrumptious bread." He pulled said bread out of the fire and looked at it. It actually shrunk since they put it in, making a thin sheet of a solid black, sandpaper looking substance that probably shouldn't be called bread anymore. "On second thought, I think we should just try again."

"Hey, I made it black! It looks great; we don't have to throw it away."

"No, it's no big deal. We'll try something a bit simpler for your first meal."

They tried to make tuna and rice next. Anti-Wanda, with heavy guidance, was preparing the rice as Matt did everything with the fish while Anti-Wanda watched. In the end, the tuna was beautifully pink. Not a single blemish or imperfection was on it. Matt placed it in a flying bowl and brought out a plate.

"This won't be very important right now, but as you get better at cooking you should think about how you present, or show, the food'" Matt taught. "Food isn't just about taste; true flavor comes from a mix of taste, smell, and sight. All senses must be taken into consideration." He tried to scoop out some rice to plate it, but somehow the grain combined to create one giant block. It completely smooth too, no ridges from the individual kernels could be seen. The spoon was useless against the absolute unit of rice, so was the knife he used next. The elf sighed. "Well, this is a predicament. How'd you get it like that?"

Anti-Wanda shrugged.

"Well, I'll try and see if it's salvageable." He flipped the pot upside down making the mass fall out immediately. It landed hard on the floor, but remained undamaged. Outside of the pot, a clear gradient was visible, showing the white rice change into dark red.

Anti-Wanda grabbed the rice block with her feet and tried to bite it, but before she could Matt took it away from her.

"Oh, you don't want to eat this. Something must be wrong with the fire." The chef brought out two slices of bread. "You can have a Tuna sandwich for today," he said, applying the tuna to the bread. "We'll try again next time."

"Okay," Anti-Wanda agreed.

Day after day the cookie elf returned and attempted, but failed, to get Anti-Wanda to cook anything that even looked edible. Eventually, while at the cleaner factory he worked at, Matt ran into Big Anti-Daddy. They exchanged pleasantries, but the conversation quickly shifted to Anti-Wanda and her progress in cooking.

"It's going well, I'd say," Matt said. "She always asks great questions and has very interesting ways of ruining a dish. I'm quite impressed, really."

"Wait, what?" the Anti-Fairy questioned, "What do you mean she's 'ruining a dish'?"

"Oh yeah, she's been using magic to change the dishes into wrecks. It can be quite creative sometimes too. One time the dish even came alive. I used a rice block to kill it, and oh boy are those rice blocks solid."

"What are you talking about? Her magic isn't strong enough to do that."

"Not that I wanna accuse or anything, but she has to be using magic. It's impossible to be that bad at cooking naturally."

"I'm pretty sure that my daughter wouldn't, and couldn't, do that."

"Her dishes would beg to differ."

"Listen," the anti-fairy said, "I understand if you're just bad at teaching others how to cook. Just because you're a chef doesn't mean you can teach other people how to do what you do."

Matt suddenly got flustered. "Wha- no. I-I'm a great teacher. I taught all five of my children how to, and could very well teach another. The only thing is that anti-fairy magic is a lot stronger than elf magic."

"I have to get back to the vacuums, but it's fine if you don't want to teach Anti-Wanda anymore, I'd just prefer it if you don't blame her."

Mr. Anti-Fairywinkle poofed away. "Wait… but…" Matt mumbled. He looked around where they talked and plenty of people were in earshot, including some fellow elves.

Later that day, Anti-Wanda came home for her cooking lessen. Anti-Blonda poofed away, like always, leaving Matt and the anti-teen alone.

"What are we cooking today?" Anti-Wanda asked as they went to the kitchen.

"Well, I'm going to have you cook all by yourself. Now, This meal will be for your family to show them what you've learned. Please don't use any magic on it."

Anti-Wanda tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"You've learned a lot, haven't you?" Matt asked. Anti-Wanda nodded. "So just show that without making a mess with magic."

"But I'm not using any magic."

"You can say what you want, but let's actually make something presentable today."

"Presentable?" Anti-Wanda questioned.

Matt nodded. "Presentable and edible."

"Um, okay." Anti-Wanda didn't exactly know what those words meant, but she tried to cook the best she could anyway. She made a stew, which was just water with chopped up stuff in it. Despite its simplicity, and against all odds, the stew looked, and smelled, like human regurgitation.

Matt threw it out. "Anti-Wanda, please stop. If word gets out that I'm a cookie elf that can't teach cooking me and my whole family will be looked down on."

"Really?"

"Yes. Could I have your wand for the next dish, just to be safe?"

"Sure." Anti-Wanda handed over her wand and made a second attempt at a meal. It turned out about as good as the first. The food got thrown out and the next dish was attempted.

Matt watched in horror as dish after dish failed, despite him holding onto the anti-wand and checking for any extra anti-wands multiple times. Anti-Wanda wasn't following the recipes, since she couldn't read, but from what she was doing it shouldn't have ever made the monstrosities that came out time and time again. Time ticked by and work shifts ended. Anti-Wanda failed to cook the sixth meal in a row as her parents poofed into the house.

"Anti-Wanda, Anti-Blonda, I'm home" their mom called.

Anti-Wanda still had a tray of grilled cheese sandwiches in her hands. they were somehow black on the inside and turquoise on the out and seemed to have the texture of half melted gelatin, so it was practically a liquid. "Yay, Mom's home. She can try my meal!"

Before the anti-teen flew out, Matt stopped her. "No, please, we don't want to kill her. How about this: I cook a delicious meal that somewhat blows your folks socks off, but not enough that they want your dinner more than a few times. You say you cooked it, and we're both happy. You just need to never cook again. How does that sound?"

Anti-Wanda thought for a second and noticed that she didn't follow his plan at all. "I don't know," she said.

"You could just get a friend who could cook in the future," Matt said, thinking she was talking about that.

Anti-Wanda's eyes lit up. "Like Anti-Cosmo?"

"Yeah, like Anti-Cosmo."

"Okay," she agreed.

Matt cooked some quick burgers. He made them slightly pink and unseasoned for a reason, despite every chef bone in his body telling him that this was wrong. In the end, he plated the four burgers and handed them to Anti-Wanda.

"Now, this is important. Remember that you cooked these and you don't really like cooking."

"I did? And I do?" Anti-Wanda asked, genuinely believing him.

"Yes. Now, go feed your family."

She did. They all ate it and congratulated Anti-Wanda, which confused her, but she didn't say anything. The meal itself was underwhelming and they'd never pay money for it, but since it was coming from their daughter/sister, it was great.

"That was amazing honey. Do you want to make us dinner tomorrow?" Anti-Wanda's mom asked her.

"No, I don't think so," Anti-Wanda mumbled.

"It's okay, you don't have too," her dad said.

Anti-Blonda nodded in agreement, happy that her sister's cooking was at least edible.

Matt watched, feeling guilty for lying and dragging Anti-Wanda into it. It didn't help when the Anti-Fairywinkles thanked him for teaching their daughter. He stopped returning for cooking lessons and kept telling himself that he did the right thing and that it will never backfire.

It backfired about a week later. Well, somewhat.

Baking day, or cookie day since that's all anyone ever brought, was an annual thing at spellementary, which the Anti-Fairywinkles usually didn't pay much attention to, but this year Anti-Wanda knew how to 'cook'.

"You should make cookies for your class," Big Anti-Daddy suggested. "There's only five people, isn't there."

Anti-Wanda shrugged. Counting isn't her strong suit. The idea of cooking didn't excite her anymore anyway, it just confused her. She didn't really know what cooking was since she got contradictory information.

"I'm pretty sure your classmates would love it," her father said.

She ended up making cookies. They were oatmeal raisin cookies, but they wouldn't be called that based on looks. Sweet gum balls, or the brown spiky balls that fall off of sweet gum trees, would be a better way to describe them, except these were dark purple. Seeing nothing wrong with them, Anti-Wanda puts them in her backpack for the next day.

"Cookie day, cookie day!" Maria happily sang when she was in class. While she was a forest elf and not a cookie elf or north pole elf, she still mostly loved what those elves love.

"Yeah, yeah, a holiday that the school didn't just make up to fuel cookie fundraisers. How exciting," Ms. Magister mumbled.

"But you still brought cookies, right?" Blaine asked.

A tray of mostly chocolate chip cookie poofed onto her desk. "Yeah. The fairy scouts wouldn't leave until I bought some. They're desperate. But banning baby fairies can do that to sales that only work because of cuteness."

The students weren't listening to her talk, instead, they were fighting over the sugary treats in front of them. Anti-Wanda had an advantage since she hated chocolate while everybody else aimed for the chocolate chipped ones. Still, it wasn't long before they were all devoured.

"That was short lived. Anybody else have cookies to share?"

Maria giggled. "Does anybody else have cookies," she repeated. Her backpack opened to reveal six humongous raspberry cookies. She gave them to everyone, except the absent Anti-Cosmo, and they all enjoyed those. The last one was split into fourths for the children to enjoy.

Anti-Wanda handed hers out next, which made everyone a lot more hesitant. "Soo, what are these?" Ms. Magister asked.

"They're cook eel ray fish cookies or something," Anti-Wanda said.

"Oatmeal raisin?" Ms. Magister has been teaching the anti-fairy long enough to understand her, even when she's saying nonsense.

"Uh-hu, that's it."

Ms. Magister nodded slowly. "Riiiiiight…

"This doesn't feel normal," Blaine said. He handed it to his brother without even trying it. Dillan then handed them back to Anti-Wanda.

'Sorry,' the leprechaun signed. He went back to his brother and helped pass out their treat of baked potatoes. Maria put hers back without saying anything.

"Aren't people supposed to eat cookies?"

"Yes," Ms. Magister said, "But some people just don't like oatmeal raisin cookies."

Anti-Wanda stared at her teacher. "Why not?"

"Weeeell…" She started. Anti-Cosmo's poofing into the class caused a conversation changer that she was hoping for. "Hey, you're late," She told him.

"Hey, I have an excuse," Anti-Cosmo replied. "It all started three months ago when that kid Anti-Joey had the nerve to dare to float by me while I was stalking Anti-Binky."

"How is- You know what, I believe you, just don't continue."

"Will do," Anti-Cosmo said. He noticed the thing in his friend's hands. "Oo, what's that?"

"Cookies," Anti-Wanda answered.

She handed him one. "You know, I've never really liked cookies," he said as he ate it anyway. "Wow, that was crunchy," he said as he took another one. "These are good."

Anti-Wanda ate one too. "Wow, they are!"

Ms. Magister put the one she was given back onto the anti-fairy's hands.

The two anti-fairies enjoyed the rest of the cookies alone, but they didn't really care that nobody else wanted any. 'So, I guess this is what cooking is,' Anti-Wanda thought as she watched her friend try and eat the unnaturally firm cookie without teeth. He noticed her stare and grinned.

"It is really good," he said. "I still hate cookies though."

Anti-Wanda smiled back. "Okay," she said. 'I guess cooking isn't so confusing after all, as long as it makes people happy.'

Chapter Text

"No, that would just be a disaster," Ms. Magister said.

Principal Benes waved his hand dismissively. "It'll be fiiiine. A little PE never hurt anyone, including the type of students you handle."

The fairy stared at her boss and shook her head. "Yeah, you don't know my students. It'll be awful. Why are you even doing this all of a sudden? It's the Scanlan parents, isn't it? Go tell then at their sons won't be all that benefited by it."

"Don't go around blaming the taxpayers, we can't afford to be sued. Those kids are doing PE whether you like it or not."

Ms. Magister crossed her arms. "Fine. But it'll end terribly."

"See what I meant." Principal Benes floated beside Ms. Magister staring at the mess the five made in the gym. Both Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda somehow got stuck in the soccer nets, despite the day's activity being basketball. Maria had found the water fridge, so she was writing a note on the floor with the bottles, but it was incredibly hard to read. Both Dillan and Blaine where nowhere to be seen.

"What happened? Couldn't you have fixed this? We give you a lot of magic, you know."

"What happened was I tried to do your stupid physical education. And I did fix it. Three times. I can't use my magic on anti-fairies too many times a day or it could hurt them, so they're stuck like this for a while. The elf just really hates sports and screamed loudly at the thought of it, which made Blaine cry. Speaking of Blaine, Blaine Scanlan by the way, since he couldn't see the ball he accidentally hit himself with it, so he and his brother went to the nurse's office." As she thought, the only part of her explanation that her boss seemed to care about was the kid getting injured. If the Scanlan's were going to sue over something as stupid as not having PE, their child getting hurt could definitely get lawyers called.

Benes sighed in defeat. "Okay," he said, "no PE. We'll get something else."

The next day, the students all came back to school dreading the idea of PE again. Sure, they were all magically saved from what happened the day before, but it still wasn't a pleasant experience. Luckily, they didn't have PE anymore; they had something that could arguably be worse.

"Okay, I finally knocked some sense into the school, but certain leprechauns are still picky, so a compromise of sorts was reached." Ms. Magister said. "Instead of physical education, we're doing mental education."

Anti-Cosmo raised a skeptical eyebrow. "How is that even related to PE? It's closer to, dare I say, the exact opposite."

"You know what, it makes the Scanlans happy, and I won't have to teach it. That's a win-win in my book, so it's good enough for you. Now say hello to your new M.E. teacher, Mrs. Ganem"

The teacher took out a brass candle holder and rubbed it. Out came an impressive cloud of purple smoke, fogging up the whole room.

Anti-Cosmo groaned. "It's a genie, isn't it. I hate genies."

A new, feminine voice laughed. "Why yes, I am a genie." The cloud cleared, showing the voice's owner floating beside Ms. Magister. She had fairly tan skin and short, bobbed black hair. She had a purple headband and eyes, as well as a purple wispy tail where her legs should be. The rest of her wore a loose, dark brown shirt. "But don't worry," she continued, "I'm not one of those mean, lying, deceiving genies."

"Oh, okay then. I hate you even more."

Anti-Wanda looked at her friend. "She's a genie? My sister doesn't want me to talk to those."

"What do your parents say?" Ms. Magister asked.

Anti-Wanda shugged. "They don't talk about it"

"Well your sister doesn't pay taxes, so enjoy your new class." The fairy poofed away, leaving the kids alone with the genie. They stared blankly at her, having no idea what mental education entailed.

"So," the genie said, "as your usual teacher said, I'm Mrs. Ganem, but you can call me Robyn. Today, I have a very special first day planned. The real world is big and scary, especially for kids like you, so we're going to work on bravery. How brave are you all?"

Blaine smiled. "I'd say that I'm pretty brave."

"I'm not brave, but that's only because I'm not scared of anything," Anti-Cosmo said. "Just like a good future leader of Anti-Fairy World should be."

Robyn waved her arm dismissively. "Everybody is scared of something, and facing your fears is the first step to not being affected by them. That's what today's lesson is all about. Are you ready to face one of your fears?"

"What do we have to gain by doing this?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Well, you will improve yourself as a person by following along," Robyn said. She saw the skeptical look on the young anti-fairy's face and continued, "I can also give you a cookie."

Maria's eyes lit up with that statement. "Cookie! Cookie! Does Maria want a cookie? Let her get a cookie please."

"Okay then, it looks like we're all ready to go in. I'll be there the whole time to make sure you're all alright." The genie held her arms out, which made the kids be surrounded with purple smoke. It was way too thick to see through, so none of them could tell that their surroundings completely changed until the smoke dissipated. Now, instead of their classroom, they stood in a completely white room with nothing in it but a nobless door.

"Where are we?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Probably a blank slate room where our fears will manifest. None of this is real. I'm pretty sure that we're all just in a dream-like state so that this stupid 'lesson' could work," Anti-Cosmo explained.

"Huh?"

"We're in a fear room."

"Oh, okay," Anti-Wanda said. "So where's the fear?"

As she asked this, an ant crawled out of the ceiling. It was definitely huge for an ant, but not that big compared to everything else. "Oh! That's an earth creature, right! I love Earth things," Anti-Wanda cooed.

Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Only an idiot would be scared of an ant?" he said judgmentally.

Maria looked at him, then walked up and stomped on the ant. That made the door creak open. "Maria isn't scared of ants, she's not an idiot," she said. "Ants don't really steal cookies."

Anti-Cosmo shrugged and started floated to the door. "That was fast. This is going to be easy. What's next?"

Once all five kids were inside, the door behind them closed, trapping them in a new white room. "So what is-" Anti-Wanda started to ask, but a loud boom interrupted her.

A pink cloud started exploding as a voice roared "Puny Anti-Fairy!"

The two puny anti-fairies started screaming in response. Anti-Wanda immediately looked to Anti-Cosmo, whose first instinct was raising his wand, so she did too. Both him and Anti-Wanda kept trying to poof away, but their rattles weren't working. Jorgen was just standing there threateningly as the young anti-fairies frantically tried to get away. As Blaine listened to them fruitlessly try and open the door in desperation to escape he rolled his eyes. "I think you need to face the fear, not run from it," he mumbled.

"I think you need to shut up," Anti-Cosmo growled. Regardless, he stopped using the useless nonexistent knob and turned back to the fairy. "I mean, I guess there's nothing to be scared of since a genie could never get the real Jorgen. I could do this," he threw his wand at it, and it hit only because of how large the target was, "And there would be no negative repercussions."

The fake-Jorgen pointed its giant wand at Anti-Cosmo. "You, no matter how annoying you may be, are not what I'm here for."

"Oh, okay. Anti-Wanda, throw your wand at this imposter so we can get these all over with. And stop trying to eat the door."

She was still trying to open the door by gnawing through it, but she stopped at her friend's command. "But Anti-Cosmo," she said, clearly still scared, "Mom, Dad, and Anti-Blonda all have told me how bad that fairy is. He finds young, helpless anti-fairies and does really bad things."

"If he were real wouldn't he do those bad things already?" Anti-Cosmo asked

His friend shrugged. "I don't know. But throwing my wand would make him super mad and badder." The giant wand glowed, seemingly confirming Anti-Wanda's fears. She started trying to poof away again.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "You understand that this is all fake, right?"

She shook her head. "I haven't understood anything all day really."

"Well," Anti-Cosmo thought for a second. "You trust me, don't you? You think that I won't lie or betray you." He added the definition of trust for good measure.

Anti-Wanda put her wand down. "Of course."

"Then believe it when I say it'll be fine. You can, and should, attack him."

Anti-Wanda looked at her friend, then her wand. With only a little hesitation, she closed her eyes and threw it at fake-Jorgen. The rattle completely phased through the imposter, making it vanish, revealing the door on the other side to be open.

"See? This'll be easy." Anti-Cosmo said as he floated to the next room.

"Yeah, that was easy!" Anti-Wanda agreed. The two grabbed their wands off of the floor as they left.

Blaine crossed his arms as he followed his brother to the new room. "Weren't you two just screaming," he mumbled quiet enough that they couldn't hear.

The next room was longer than the last two, and narrower as well. Once again, the door closed after all of them entered this new room, but this time all of the light immediately left when the door slammed. "Scared of the dark. Gosh, I wonder who of those remaining would have that fear"

"Stop it," Blaine said. He grabbed his brother's hands they started moving very slowly toward the door together.

Anti-Fairies, kind of like cats, have night vision, although it's pretty limited. Still, Anti-Cosmo could make out the basic shapes of people and see how slowly the two where going. "Come on. While we do technically have all day, we don't have all day." Blaine ignored him, so he continued. "You know if you leprechauns were as evolutionarily advanced as us anti-fairies we might not be in this situation. We can see in the dark."

"We can?" Anti-Wanda asked, genuinely surprised. "Is that why there's always red outlines?"

Anti-Cosmo nodded. "Yeah. It's dark, isn't it? And you can see."

"That's so cool."

Anti-Cosmo sort of forgot what he was doing before and just started talking to Anti-Wanda. It actually wasn't before the door opened, filling the room with light. "Two more rooms left," Anti-Cosmo said as he flew into the next one. "As long as someone," he glanced at Blaine, "doesn't take so long, we'll be done with this easily." Blaine gave the anti-fairy a dirty look but decided not to say anything.

Once all five were in, the door closed, but nothing appeared. There was already something in the room, however. A small wooden sign saying 'Your fear's in this room. Confess to it' was in the middle of the room.

"What's this supposed to be?" Anti-Cosmo asked. "Is it a note? The genie knows that none of us can read, right?"

As if the genie suddenly realised which class she was teaching, the sign automatically changed from words to braille. "Ooo," cooed Anti-Wanda, "The letters are all bumpy now."

Anti-Cosmo started rubbing it. "It must be braille then. My brother got me a stupid braille book for some reason, but I was bored so I listened to it anyway." he turned away from the sign to Blaine. "It says 'Your fear's in this room. Confess to it'. That doesn't apply to me so it's you I assume."

Blaine looked at Anti-Cosmo in confusion, until a thought popped up. He started shaking his head. "No, that's just not fair," he whined. "This will affect me outside of this weird vision too."

"Why? It won't go away like the others?" Anti-Wanda asked.

Anti-Cosmo smiled evilly. "He must be scared of someone in this room. It's your brother, isn't it? You fear for your mortal life as you stand beside him. I don't blame him, I'd kill my brother if he wasn't immortal. I would kill a lot of things if I could. So with why and who figured out, the question of how remains. Is it true that twins have psychically connected brains? You can confess that way." Anti-Cosmo knew that wasn't true, but he was bored.

"That's cool," Anti-Wanda said. "I wish I was a twin. Our brain would be so big that it'll float into space, and that'll be fun."

Anti-Cosmo was going to correct his friend, but there were so many things wrong with what she just said that he didn't know what to correct first. Blaine interjected before he could say anything. "I'm not scared of my brother."

"Then who?"

Blaine, since they didn't let go of each other after the last room, squeezed Dillan's hand as he looked down. "I've never liked anti-fairies because of all of the bad luck they bring, and you're by far the worst anti-fairy I've ever met. Bad luck radiates off of you, and your evil, and, I guess you could say that you scare me. The thought of you possibly ruling a world that's so close to mine is frightening, so luckily you won't ever be able to win a fight against a world leader."

Anti-Cosmo laughed. "That's got to be the most pathetic fear of all." The door creaked open as he talked, so he flew through it. "Just because I have a lot of bad luck? And how many anti-fairies do you even know? Two? This is stupid."

Blaine ignored him again and walked into the last room with everybody else.

The final door closed behind the five. "Alright," Anti-Cosmo said. "Process of elimination. I'm next. I'm sure you couldn't find anything. You should just let us out of here by now."

Robyn appeared in the center of the room. "Well now, Anti-Cosmo, everybody has their fears."

"I'm not scared of you."

"I know, but this is a special double lesson for you. Think about empathy while you go through with this." She placed a plate on the floor, making a clattering sound, and disappeared.

Maria laughed as everybody else looked at it skeptically. "Is that a plate? That's your grand fear?" Blaine questioned.

"No. I like plates, they could make good weapons. Did you know that if-..." Anti-Cosmo started to say, but then he saw something materialized on the plate that makes him shut up. The kids looked away from the suddenly frozen anti-fairy and back to the plate. The only difference seemed to be that now it had multiple strips of bacon on it.

Anti-Wanda's eyes lit up. "I love bacon!" she exclaimed. She tried to grab a strip with her foot, but the plate moved. "What? Why'd it move?" She asked Anti-Cosmo. He didn't answer. Instead, he was slowly floating away from the plate

"Anti-Cosmo bacon, not for other people," Maria responded for him.

Blain laughed. "Is it really just bacon? Come on, and you made fun of us? This is the only thing that literally nobody is scared of."

At that time, Anti-Cosmo was in the highest corner, farthest from the plate, and still, he seemed to be trying to get farther away. Saying that Cosmo adored bacon would be an understatement, so the sheer passion the fairy had transformed into such a pure form of hatred that it became a fear to his counterpart. Nothing seemed to matter besides the object of his demise that stayed in the middle of the room.

All of the kids stared at him in silence for a bit. For someone who was previously so impatient, he was quickly approaching taking the longest of all of them and showed no signs of wanting to change that. It became obvious to the four of them, even Anti-Wanda to some extent, that they needed to do something if they wanted to get out anytime soon.

Coming up with a plan, Dillan grabbed his brother's arm and pointed it toward Anti-Wanda. Blaine had a good idea of what he was now pointing at from remembering where voices were. "Anti-Wanda?" He made an incomprehensible sound in reply that Blaine seemed to recognize as a yes. The blind leprechaun looked to the mostly clueless anti-fairy. "Hey, Anti-Wanda, I'm pretty sure you're the only one who can get your friend back down here."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because he hates all of us."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense," Anti-Wanda was about to fly to her friend, but she thought of something. "Wait, what should I do?"

Both Blaine and Dillan shrugged. "How am I supposed to know? You're the friend."

"Anti-Wanda do what would Anti-Cosmo do, so Anti-Cosmo do what we do," Maria suggested.

Despite the broken English, or maybe because of it, Anti-Wanda understood exactly what the elf was trying to say. "Oh, okay, I'll just do what Anti-Cosmo did." She flew all the way to her friend. "Throw your wand at the scary thing and it'll go away and not be scary anymore."

Anti-Cosmo's eyes flicked away from the bacon to Anti-Wanda for a second, but only a second. His green eyes were soon fixated on the plate again. "Th-that won't work this time," he mumbled.

"Why not?"

"Trust me. I… I'll h-have to eat that, but I-I won't."

"Why not?"

Anti-Cosmo didn't respond to that. This lead Anti-Wanda to think 'Okay, what did Anti-Cosmo do next? He brought up that trust thingy, right?' she nodded to herself. 'Then that's what I'll do.' "You trust me, bacon is good, and not bad, and we're that word you always say, in fort-le or something, so you'll be fine. Oh, and if you eat the bacon we can get out of these bright rooms and play together with cookies! Fun times!"

"Anti-Wanda, I know what you're doing, but this is… it's just different. Don't ask why."

"Why?" Anti-Wanda asked. "You said it was all fake. This would be too, wouldn't it?"

"No, this is different." Anti-Wanda believed him, the bacon must have been real, but what difference would that make? The exact words the Anti-Cosmo said popped into her head suddenly.

"You trust me, don't you?"

"No." Anti-Cosmo responded without hesitation. It took his fear clouded brain a second to realize what he said. "Um, well, perhaps? F-feasibly? Conceivably?" Anti-Cosmo mentally scolded himself for a stupid response like that. 'Stop saying synonyms for maybe and just say yes. I trust my best friend, don't I?...'

"Oh…" Anti-Wanda responded. Her voice sounded disappointed. "I don't know what I should do next. I said yes, was I supposed to say no?"

Anti-Cosmo moved his eyes back to his friend, but this time they stayed there. "No, Anti-Wanda, I didn't mean to say that. I trust you, I promise." As she stared back at him, he couldn't help but think that it didn't look like she believed him. He didn't blame her; could he even believe himself?

"Okay, then," Anti-Wanda thought for a second. Clearly repeating what she remembered, she said "then believe me when I say it's fine. You can throw your wand at it. Or maybe eat it. I guess it would make more sense to eat bacon."

Anti-Cosmo floated in silent thought. He noticed that his hands were shaking. It could have been out of fear, but then again, there was so much more happening. 'You're such a horrible person,' he thought. 'She's trying so hard to do the same thing you did, but you can't do what she did? What kind of leader of Anti-Fairy World would you be? What kind of friend? A horrible one. How would you have liked it if she just said 'no' and kept trying to escape?' Anti-Cosmo put an end to their eye contact and closed his eyes. Slowly, he started descending to the ground. Anti-Wanda followed. "I trust you, I promise," he repeatedly mumbled while getting closer to the fear. Eventually, he was close enough to blindly grab a piece, and he did. "And I also promise to become the best, most fearless leader of Anti-Fairy World for you. You believe me, right?"

"Of course."

With that, eyes still closed, Anti-Cosmo put the bacon into his mouth. Thankfully, it didn't taste like anything. Anti-Wanda was right: it was fake like everything else.

The final door's creak echoed followed by three pairs of footsteps. "Could you be any more dramatic?" Blaine sarcastically mumbled before leaving.

Anti-Cosmo ignored the leprechaun and opened his eyes. Anti-Wanda was smiling at him. "Did you like it? I love bacon." He nodded, deciding not to mention how it was tasteless fake genie-magic. "Awesome! Now let's go get our cookies!"

They did just that. The kids all spend the rest of the school day, which was still a lot of time, doing what they typically did, only a bit quieter. Robyn and Ms. Magister watched them from one side of the room. "So, how'd it go?"

"Good," Robyn said. "Fears is always my favorite subject to teach. You can really see the student's relationships with each other. Plus, it makes them better people, and who wouldn't want that?"

"Relationships huh? Let me guess: if it were to place them around this room based on their relationships it would be like this, right?"

In the room, Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda were right beside each other with Blaine and Dillan together on the exact opposite side. Maria was by herself, but sitting closer to the anti-fairies.

Robyn sighed. "Yeah, it would. Kids are pretty predictable, aren't they? By the way, how long before you think Anti-Cosmo will give up on the whole Anti-Fairy World domination?"

"I'd say five years at most. He'd be more mature by then. Anti-Binky should be gone."

"You mean from his mind, right?"

Ms. Magister shrugged. "Sure." It didn't sound enthusiastic at all.

"Alright… same time in ten days?"

"Yeah."

With that, Robyn went back into her candle handle.

Chapter Text

Cupid took a sip of his coffee and smiled. Flying through a room filled with busy-at-work love workers, he said, "This year's Love Day is going to be great everybody!" A chorus of cheers replied before quickly getting back to work. On the other side of the room, Cupid flew to one specific love worker with a clipboard. "So," the god of love sipped his drink, "Is everything all set for tomorrow?"

The worker shrugged. "Eh?"

"What do you mean 'eh?'?"

"Well, sir, everything is all set for tomorrow, except for this new addition to the list. It says 'next love day maybe ruin Anti-Cosmo's love life', but isn't Anti-Cosmo an anti-fairy name? Why would we go to Anti-Fairy World?"

"Oh yeah… That guy. You know, he had the gall to shoot me with a hate arrow. What kind of kid would do that? The only reason it says maybe is because he apologized, but it was honestly a horrible apology. Get rid of the maybe again. And we kept a pair of replay eyes on him, right?"

The baby-like worker nodded while scribbling out the maybe. "I think that eyes were sent out shortly after the poison wore off."

"Good. Put the information onto the board. I need to see what he loves, so I can ruin it."

"Whatever you say, sir."

With that Cupid started doing his normal rounds again until he was called in to watch what the eyes had seen. Now, the eyes had seen everything. It saw how he got drunk, messed with a human at their school, went to Pixie World and torment one of the pixies, how he met a purple-eyed cubic anti-baby, how much he hates his classmates (and their opinions on Christmas), and more. It always seemed to show one thing: that Anti-Cosmo spent every chance he had with a girl named Anti-Wanda. "Anti-Wanda," Cupid mumbled. "Look at it. A classic case of being in love. Unfortunately, it's tainted with the fact that they're anti-fairies of all creatures. Besides, it'll never work. The real Cosmo and Wanda don't even know each other."

"So what are you going to do. Sir?" the worker asked.

"I'll make them hate each other. That'll be revenge enough, right?"

The worker looked at the ground nervously. "Um, I don't know sir. This whole thing seems a bit too petty. We have the human's love day to worry about, anti-fairies are useless to us. We can't harness their love, or hate, so it all seems kind of pointless."

As Cupid glared, the worker regretted his comment. "Who's the god of love here?"

"You are sir."

"That's right. So I think that I would know what I'm doing."

"You're right sir, I'm sorry."

"Good, I'm glad we agree. Now go to the spellementary school. I have a certain pink-eyed anti-fairy to talk to."

Anti-Cosmo lifted up an awfully tied knot. "And that is how you tie a noose."

Anti-Wanda was star struck. "Woah! And what's a noose again?"

"It's a knot that's used to-" suddenly a zipper got poofed over his mouth, which seemed to make him sick.

"Anti-Cosmo, could you not for just one day?" Ms. Magister complained. "Nobody wants to learn about nooses around Love Day. It could give lonely people at this school horrible ideas that won't actually seem too bad at the time."

"I wanna learn," Anti-Wanda said.

Ms. Magister shook her head. "Well, you're too young to understand your feelings. You haven't lived thousands of lonely years yet, just wasting your life away working with noose-happy children."

Anti-Cosmo unzipped himself after recovering from the use of fairy magic. "Well, you can't use my noose. It's my noose."

The teacher rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I didn't want it in the first place. Just stop explaining what it does." Suddenly her wand started flashing yellow. A monotone, pixie-voice came from it saying 'Anti-Wanda Anti-Fairywinkle will be sent to the counselor's office.' In a gray poof, the pixie stayed true to his promise and she disappeared.

"What was that about? When's Anti-Wanda coming back?" Anti-Cosmo started asking.

"How am I supposed to know? My money's on Anti-Blonda though."

"Yeah, seems fair."

Inside of the counselor's office, Anti-Wanda reappeared. Unknown by her, the usual counselor wasn't sitting in front of her, but instead, it was Cupid in a fairy disguise. All that he really changed was that he made his wings look more insect-like and put a crown on, so it wasn't much of a disguise, but Anti-Wanda didn't recognize him regardless. Cupid was looking at an empty file to make it seem like he knew what he was doing. "So, it's Anti-Wanda, right?"

"What is?" she asked.

"You?"

Anti-Wanda shrugged. "I don't know. What was the question again?"

Giving up, Cupid put the file down. "I'm on a tight schedule here, so could you just start hating Anti-Cosmo for me? That'd be great."

"What?" Anti-Wanda asked in surprise. "No, I don't hate Anti-Cosmo, he's my friend."

"You see, that's the problem. Why are you his friend?"

"Oh, that's easy. Because he's my friend!"

Cupid sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. "Why do you like him?"

"I like Anti-Cosmo because he's fun, and smart, and nice, and explains stuff real well, and his green eyes are real pretty. They taught me what the color green is. Ain't that cool?"

"It's lovely," Cupid lied. "But you said he was fun? Was it fun when Anti-Cosmo ruined a poor pixie's life by getting a promotion over him, despite not being qualified?"

Anti-Wanda laughed. "Yeah, that was so fun."

Cupid shook his head. 'Anti-fairies,' he thought judgingly. He'd have to use the opposite of all of his points. It was a lot harder to think of good things that Anti-Cosmo had done from what he saw, but one potential one came to mind. "Was it fun when Anti-Cosmo ate your ugly cookies?"

She nodded. "It was real fun. And nice too."

"Speaking of nice, your dear friend Anti-Cosmo isn't nice. He doesn't get any presents from Santa, and Santa gives nice kids presents."

"I don't like Santa. He's a… um… bias, lying hippopotamus that's also mean." Anti-Wanda smiled. "Anti-Cosmo taught me those words. I forget what some mean though. I'll ask him later."

Cupid narrowed his eyes. As much as he hated the word hate, he might say that he hates anti-fairies. The worst thing in existence, which in Cupid's perspective is his opposite, is an anti-fairy. Not only that, but they all had logic that seemed so twisted to the fairy god of love. Anti-Wanda was taking all of his arguments on why Anti-Cosmo was terrible and making them positives. 'So the love's mutual, huh? This'll be tougher than I thought.' "What do you not like about Anti-Cosmo?"

Anti-Wanda sat and thought for a long time. Shrugging, she said "I don't know. Anti-Cosmo is incredibly good. Is there a better word for that?"

"What about how he hates everything?"

She smiled. "I think that's pretty cute."

Cupid was getting more desperate. "You loved Plumpets and he got rid of them! Don't you hate him for that?"

"No. Anti-Cosmo was right, they weren't that fun. It was sweet that he did what he did so we can play something else together. And, he was also really cute when he was tired and sleeping and I think we should have a sleepover, but my sister doesn't want me to. Isn't that sad?"

Cupid groaned. "What about when he said that he didn't trust you?"

"He said that he did. Then he ate the bacon, so I know he trusts me."

"His favorite foods are vegetables, and you don't really like vegetables. Doesn't that disturb you?"

"No. It means I can give him all of my vegetables, and he can give me all of his meat. I like that."

Cupid looked at his wrist-hourglass; it was taking longer than he wanted it to. Love Day was hours away. "Haven't you two ever fought? Hasn't he made you sad? Ever?"

Anti-Wanda shook her head. "No. If he did, he made me happy again very fast."

"Do you ever think that he enjoys taking over Anti-Fairy World more than he enjoys you?"

"I don't think much, but he can enjoy both!"

Cupid slammed his head on the table. Nothing was going how he hoped. "What about the way that he orders you to do stuff."

"Anti-Cosmo has such great ideas that I'm happy to do any of em."

"He put you in danger by mocking a dangerous human and poofing you back to the school. Doesn't that make you mad?"

Anti-Wanda shook her head again. "I liked that. The fire was really cool. I also know Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Blonda won't let me get hurt anyway."

Cupid lifted his head to look back at Anti-Wanda. Her love for her friend seemed to be so pure. If it was any other creature with that kind of love he would be ecstatic, but it was an anti-fairy, so he couldn't even use it to his advantage, and she was in love with the anti-fairy that poisoned him of all people. It felt like cheating, but be brought out Anti-Cosmo's school picture and a love arrow. He hoped that as an anti-fairy, it would have the opposite effect. "Here, hold this and look at it."

"That's a picture of Anti-Cosmo. Anti-Cosmo once told me that he hates pictures of himself. I don't get why. He said his eyes look bad, and his gums make him look weak I think, but I don't think that's true. I love his pictures."

Cupid stopped readying his bow when she said that. "You what?"

"I love his pictures," she repeated.

Hearing the word 'love' come out of her made him rethink his whole plan. Sure, she might be too young to truly know that she loves him, but she clearly did have feelings for him. If he split up a true love that came up all on its own, could he, the god of love, honestly say that he loves love? Love doesn't discriminate after all, so why was he? Anti-fairy or not, everybody deserves love. His worker was right, it was pretty petty of him. Anti-Cosmo is just a child that did apologize after all; it wouldn't be fair. Besides, he's never shot an anti-fairy before. Could it make the fairy hate someone that otherwise would have been their soulmate?

Cupid sighed in defeat and lowered his bow. He put too much doubt in his own mind. "Do you love him?" he asked.

Anti-Wanda's face started turning a darker shade of blue as she smiled nervously. "Yeah, I think so. I don't know, do I? What's love again?"

"Follow me," the god mumbled. Anti-Wanda did. Together they floated back to her classroom.

When the door opened, Anti-Cosmo immediately responded with a smile. "Anti-Wanda, you're back! I made a second noose so we both can have one. By the way, do I know you?" That last part was directed at Cupid.

"No, you don't," Cupid lied. He stuck his hands into this gel he kept inside of the arrow container, then smeared it over both anti-fairies' mouths.

"Hey, what's the big ide-" Anti-Cosmo started to complain, but he got interrupted by Cupid pushing his head into Anti-Wanda's. Whatever that gel was, it seemed to glue them together. It wasn't long before Anti-Cosmo realized what was happening. He did recognize the fairy: it was Cupid, the god of love, and now he was doing the thing that he heard about from the sappy romance books that Anti-Schnozmo kept giving him.

Unlike Anti-Wanda, who was turning darker blue and warmer, he started turning paler and substantially colder. His eyes widened and pupil's narrowed.

Cupid raised an eyebrow at Anti-Cosmo's reaction but shrugged it off. When he snapped his fingers, the gel seemed to disappear, so the two anti-fairies separated. Anti-Wanda giggled uncontrollably while Anti-Cosmo started spewing brightly colored butterflies from his mouth.

It was starting to get awkward, so Cupid looked at Ms. Magister, who was glaring at him. "Right, so, I'm gonna go now. Busy day tomorrow, you know."

"You aren't going to clean this up? Oh, and thanks for rubbing salt in the wound that you refuse to tend to."

"No, and you're welcome," Cupid answered, although he knew the last part was sarcasm. He poofed away before the teacher could respond.

"Great," Ms. Magister mumbled.

Anti-Blonda poofed into the room at the stroke of the bell like usual, but this time her sister was smiling like an idiot and Anti-Cosmo was curled on the floor and looked like he still had butterflies left. "You look happy, and he looks horrified. What happened?"

"Me and Anti-Cosmo kissed," Anti-Wanda cooed. Anti-Blonda quickly adopted Anti-Cosmo's expression and poofed her sister and herself away immediately.

After the rest of the students got picked up (they were purposefully ignoring the anti-fairies), Anti-Schnozmo made it to the class to see his brother the same way that Anti-Blonda saw him. "Um… why?"

"Love Day," Ms. Magister responded.

The anti-teen smiled a little. "Oh, that's nice." He quickly poofed both of them home. Once inside of his room, Anti-Schnozmo asked the still petrified anti-child "So, how was it? Did those romance books pay off?"

"I don't know," Anti-Cosmo mumbled, "Are you supposed to throw up afterward?"

"How should I know?"

"Do you think Anti-Wanda would want to do it again?"

Anti-Schnozmo's smile grew wider. "Why, do you want it or dread it?"

Instead of answering, he poofed away.

"It's want."

Chapter Text

Anti-Cosmo got poofed into room 720 a few minutes before school was supposed to start. Only one person was missing from class, which really caught Anti-Cosmo's attention.

"Woah, the teacher isn't here," he said.

Anti-Wanda floated next to him. "Ms. Magister hasn't missed class before. Do you think something happened?"

"She's never missed a single day of school? Haven't you had her for decades?"

Shrugging, Anti-Wanda said "I don't know."

"Intriguing. With such little passion for teaching, I'd think she'd get out of it as often as possible."

Blaine looked at the young anti-fairy. "Why do you care?"

"Because what if she's forced to be here because she's not what she seems. A fairy? Ha, I scoff at the thought. I've never seen a super happy Ms. Anti-Teacher roaming the streets of Anti-Fairy World because it doesn't exist. She's a changeling."

"A what?" Blaine said skeptically.

"What's that?" Anti-Wanda asked excitedly.

"Well..." Anti-Cosmo dimmed the lights a little bit and made his wand illuminate blue light under his face. "A changeling is a puppet made by fairies to replace the godchildren that got 'lost' during a wish. One day, too much magic was being used and became sentient. Granted it free will. It can shapeshift into any form, to become any kid. Soon, the creators of these creatures got fired from being godparent and thrown in jail for 'loosing' a god kid. What shall happen to a changeling now?"

"They die!" Anti-Wanda guessed happily.

"Not exactly. Those fairies lose their magic, so it goes back to their changelings. Now changelings, made of magic, can use magic, but they don't want to. They serve their master with an undying loyalty. A master who lets a young earth dweller get 'lost'. Well, one fairy 'lost' her child on purpose. After being imprisoned, that fairy hated all magical creatures along with the young. That child-losing fairy told her changeling to go find magical children and ruin their lives like how her life was ruined."

"Is Ms. Magister really ruining our lives?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"No," Blaine said.

"Yes," Anti-Cosmo said. "She's been sapping us. Making us weaker, and weaker. Why do you think none of us graduated?"

"Because we're still too young," Blaine said.

"Perhaps, but more likely is that the teacher is forcing us back to feed off of us. She's special needs teacher because we're easiest to drain. If we weren't immortal, we're bound to be finished off for good soon. Oh wait, only Anti-Wanda and I are immortal." Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "I'd like to say it was nice knowing ya, but it honestly wasn't. Have fun being changeling food."

Maria laughed. "Have fun being changeling food," she repeated, then laughed some more.

Dillan made the lights normal again so Anti-Cosmo put his wand away. "That's insane," Blaine said.

"Oh, is it? You tell me why she shows up every day despite hating it."

"Because she doesn't hate it."

The young anti-fairy laughed. "You fool, of course she hates it. She always says so."

"How do you, of all people, not know that people lie?"

"Nope, I refuse to believe that."

Anti-Wanda raised her hand excitedly, and, assuming the role of the teacher, Anti-Cosmo called on her. "I have a lie about Ms. Magister as a child!" she said. "It started on one of those floaty Earth things."

"Boat," Anti-Cosmo corrected.

"Yeah. So Ms. Magister was on a boat, but the boat workers all jumped off because they love swimming. Ms. Magister had to boat drive, but she doesn't know how, since she's not a teacher yet. But, oh no, there's pointy ice everywhere!"

"Icebergs"

"Ms. Magister tries to get away from the icebergs, but the boat goes in one and now has a big hole. The boat drowns and so does all of the special needs orphans on the boat. They also get eaten by sharks. They all died. Ms. Magister was so sad, she ate soup all day long. It didn't work. She's still sad every day, but now she's also a teacher for us. Oh, and also the boat workers won their swimming contest. A happy ending."

Anti-Cosmo nodded. "That was beautiful," he said slightly sarcastically.

Anti-Wanda smiled at the compliment. "Thank you."

Reading their lips the whole time, Dillan suddenly got an idea. He grabbed some paper and something to write with.

Blaine shook his head, not paying attention to his twin's antics. "You two are the worst. Our teacher doesn't have some epic backstory. She just-"

"Many years ago," Maria interrupted, reading what Dillan was writing, "Ms. Magister was walking around Earth, disguised as a human. On a beach, she eventually happened upon a woman sitting, a coat on the sandy floor beside her. It looked like it fell off of her log, so Ms. Magister picked it up and placed it on the woman's seat. 'I think this fell,' she said with a smile, then went on her way. Unbeknownst to her, that woman was a selkie. By touching the coat, Ms. Magister had become Mrs. Magister, due to selkie marriage traditions. The next day, the woman came to Ms. Magister's fake human house with a marital prayer to the gods. That way they could be married in both human and selkie traditions. Although she resisted, eventually Ms. Magister agreed to marry her. When the town heard of their marriage, they got chased with pitchforks and torches. A silkie was forbidden. Together, they ran, but the next town over always seemed to have the same views as the last.

"Years and years passed and their accidental marriage soon turned into true love. As they ran and ran, the selkie got older and older, but the fairy stayed the same. When asked, Mrs. Magister denied it; fairies were not supposed to be known. As time went on, It was becoming harder and harder for them both to run. The torches and pitchforks were getting closer and closer. One day, Ms. Magister purposely got caught in order to give her old wife some time to escape. She was tied to a steak and prepped to be burned when she saw her wife coming back for her. The villagers noticed too. 'Run!' Mrs. Magister told her, but she refused. She wouldn't leave without her. Optionless, Mrs. Magister showed her fairy form, revealing her immortality. Jorgen saw and descended from Fairy World to erase everybody's memories of the fairy. It worked too well on the selkie, erasing every single one of her memories with Mrs. Magister. The once again Ms. Magister was heartbroken and lashed out. All that accomplished was a banishment to an empty part in the middlelands, where a school was eventually built around the poor fairy that vowed to never get attached to something again. She can never leave the area near her banishment, so she stays. Always staying."

"Woooow, you put waaay too much effort into this," Anti-Cosmo said, guessing it was finished.

"I didn't like it, nobody died," Anti-Wanda added. "It's sadder and funnier when people die."

Maria looked from the paper to Blaine. "Okay, is it Blaine's storytime now? Yes or no?"

Blaine sighed. "You know what, sure. Here's a story for you: one day our teacher graduated from a fairy college with a teaching degree and crippling debt. She got the highest paying job she could get, a job that nobody else wanted, and it happened to be teaching special needs students. After infinite years of teaching, she got bored of it, but she can't do anything about it, so now she just shows up for the paycheck to try and finally pay off those bills. One day she didn't show up because she got sick or something and the school doesn't care enough about people like us to get a substitute. The end."

Anti-Cosmo feigned fear. "Oh my, that was the scariest of them all. And saddest. She lives in a society and eventually, we will too. I would call you mortals lucky, but even death can't get you away from student loans. Life really is a nightmare."

A poof caught the student's attention before anybody could respond. It was Ms. Magister. "If you tell your parents I was late, make sure you blame it on the principal," she said.

"What's your first name?" Anti-Cosmo immediately questioned.

"What?" Ms. Magister asked in surprise.

"See! You need a first name to get a degree, so I'm right and she's a nameless changeling that just uncreative gave herself the name of Ms. Teacher for the sake of tricking the idiots that go here." Anti-Cosmo said.

"Or her full name is What Magister," Anti-Wanda suggested.

"I guess that could be the case…"

Blaine looked at their teacher pleadingly. "Could you tell them that you're just a normal fairy that doesn't have a tragic past or anything? They're saying that you're a changeling, a selkie's wife, and… I honestly don't know the point of Anti-Wanda's story, but it wasn't right either."

Their teacher smiled "Sorry, teacher's aren't supposed to talk about their personal lives."

"There was no denial!" Anti-Cosmo boasted, "therefore, I am right, as always."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he mumbled.

Chapter Text

Anti-Cosmo came home late into the night, floating low, and slouching to be even lower. Another day came and went where he wasn't anywhere close to being the next ruler of Anti-Fairy World. If anything, he was farther than before.

"Horrible," Anti-Cosmo mumbled. "How are you supposed to rule a whole world if you can't even get one measly anti-wand? You won't. You're delusional. You've been chasing an empty dream for your whole life." The grip on his wand became firmer, but also shakier. "Why don't you just give up. Know your place. You're not supposed to be anything." He shook the thoughts out of his head. "You should stop talking to yourself like a crazy person and go to sleep. You're just tired." He really was tired. He'd spend the days he had off school pulling all-nighters for his plan, which ended up failing. "If you go to bed, tomorrow everything will be fine again. Anti-Wanda will be back from vacation and we could play together." He floated into bed, not even bothering to change clothes or put his wand away. He cuddled with the rattle as he fell asleep.

Anti-Cosmo woke up to see Anti-Schnozmo standing over him. "Oh dear brother, I have such delightful news." Anti-Cosmo groaned. "Unless it's 'I took over Anti-Fairy World', I don't want to hear it," he said. "You took over Anti-Fairy World!" Anti-Schnozmo exclaimed. Anti-Cosmo shot out of bed. "What? That's a lie, right? But you didn't say it backward… How? When? Why?" "You're right my dear brother, it's not a lie, for I am a pathetic wuss that is physically unable of lying. So the truth is that Anti-Binky is old, ugly, horrible at his job, ruining the economy, and much more. Because of this, he just up and died, leaving the slot open for a new leader. A democracy was immediately made and voted you into the throne because you're so smart, intelligent, clever, quick-witted, perceptive, and, not to mention, a complete genius. You're great! You'll fix the economy, and rebuild our military! Soon enough, the whole universe will be in your grasp!" Overwhelming joy came over Anti-Cosmo. He poofed all the way to Anti-Binky's old castle, since his magic was useful now. Everybody greeted him as 'your majesty.' It was everything he ever hoped it would be. Anti-Wanda was even there. "You did it!" she cheered. "The once dreadful dictatorship is no more! My overprotective sibling finally realized how superior you are and allows me full time to play with you. The school system also got a much-needed fix, and we are both no longer enrolled, for we graduated." "Wow," Anti-Cosmo said, completely in awe. "We graduated already?" "Indeed," Anti-Wanda continued. "We are both old now. Look, we procreated." Anti-Wanda pulled a cube-shaped anti-baby from behind her back. He had purple eyes and a single hair in the vague shape of an f. He waved. "Hello," he said in a deep British accent, "I'm an image that you pulled from deep in your subconscious. You're sleeping, by the way." Anti-Cosmo scoffed and waved a dismissive hand at his apparent son. "That's crazy." "Oh really?" the anti-baby said. "Then how is it possible that you're going to wake up in three… two… one…"

Anti-Cosmo opened his eyes, not to see his new castle and throne, but to see his room. That overwhelming joy soon got completely replaced with overwhelming dread at the realization that it was all fake, then overwhelming anger.

"I hate sleep," he seethed. "I hate dreams. I hate how they give you hope just to rip it away mercilessly. I hate how it's a stupid waste of time too. Approximately one-third of my infinite is wasted on such a futile and superfluous act! That's an infinite amount of hours down the drain." Anti-Cosmo poofed into Anti-Schnozmo's room. He grabbed his brother and shook him awake. "And it's all his fault!" the anti-child hissed.

Anti-Schnozmo started at Anti-Cosmo in utter confusion, fear, annoyance, and some other emotions too. Mostly, though, he was tired. "Not to sound mean or anything, but I liked you better when you were sleeping. I liked it better when I was sleeping too. We should go back to that."

"No, we will not go back to that! Never again! We're going to the sandman and we're stopping this miserable excuse of a waste of time!"

Anti-Schnozmo blinked, processing what his furious brother just said. "S-stop sleep? Us? We? Me?! No, we can't. The sandman lives on Earth. Last time I checked, neither of us could get all the way down to Earth."

"Then you should check more often, you nincompoop! The anti-rainbow bridge became up and running for public use seven days ago. We're the public, and we're going to Earth."

"Why me too?" he whined. "I like sleep."

"And I hate you, so I don't care about your sleep opinions. Plus, good magic would be quite useful on the huge planet. Also, I might fall asleep without someone to talk to, and that's the opposite of what I want, so chop chop."

Anti-Schnozmo rolled his eyes, but he couldn't say no even if he wanted to. He did want to. His wand appeared in his hand and they both poofed away into the night. Unknown to both of them, as they started floating over the planet, somewhere on the earth a machine just pinged...

~~~~~~000~~~~~~~

Anti-Cosmo slammed his hands on the desk. "You." his voices still oozed with a venomous hatred. He had nearly a whole day of wandering the Earth before he got there, making him more tired and bitter than ever.

The man behind the desk looked at him. He was the first person on Earth that could actually see the anti-fairies. This man wore pajamas, slippers, and a crown; his eyes and what was left of his curly hair were purple. "Sorry kid, I smashed that mirror eight years ago. You're a little too late."

"We're not here for bad luck, Sandman. We're here to not need sleep." Anti-Cosmo said. "Only you can do sleep wishes, so I wish Anti-Fairies don't need sleep. And no genie-like playing on my words. I don't want this to backfire because of," he used air quotes, "how 'important' sleep is."

The man, the Sandman, raised an eyebrow at Anti-Cosmo, obviously not taking him seriously. That made the Anti-Fairy even madder. "Can you believe this guy? Coming all the way down here just to get rejected? That's dedication," he said, looking at Anti-Schnozmo.

Anti-Schnozmo obviously didn't want to be there. His eyes were barely opened and had dark circles beneath them. "Rejected," he whined. "Anti-Cosmo, why'd you have to drag me into this?"

"No, I can't be rejected! Why?"

"If anti-fairies don't need sleep, fairies don't. Half of my power just down the drain, and for what? A green-eyed anti-fairy? I'd rather not."

"Then just take the need to sleep away from me only. I don't care about others."

The Sandman shook his head. "Your name's Anti-Cosmo, right?" Anti-Cosmo angrily nodded. "Opposite of the fairy baby that was so dangerous he blew up half of the world?" Anti-Cosmo scowled harder at the mention of his opposite. "I'll take that as a yes." The Sandman continued. "I can only make anti-fairies unable to sleep by making their fairy first. I'd rather not have Jorgen on my back about this, so your opposite, and you, have to sleep."

Anti-Cosmo continued to glare, with a face that, to the sandman, as honestly more cute than threatening. Anti-Schnozmo continued to look like he regretted all of his life choices. "Tell ya what, you two are cute kids. Why'd you do this? Nightmares?"

"My life is a nightmare," Anti-Cosmo grumbled.

His brother nodded sluggishly. "Same here…" he mumbled.

"Alright, how about this:" the Sandman suggested, "I can make you unable to dream. That shouldn't make Cosmo too much more dangerous. It might even do the opposite. Just remember, you'd lose nightmares, but you'd lose the good dreams too. You in?"

"Yes!" Anti-Cosmo immediately said. "The 'good' dreams are worse."

The Sandman's gaze shifted to the anti-teen. "And you?"

Even with only two brain cells awake, Anti-Schnozmo knew this was a bad idea. The Sandman wasn't really a bad guy, just bad with magic. Spending all of your time around humans and not granting wishes all too often can do that. That's how he got a reputation in the worlds for being kind of genie-like with his wishes. 'How could not dreaming even make Cosmo less dangerous?' Anti-Schnozmo thought. 'There's a catch.' He didn't care. The catch would affect Anti-Cosmo's life, not his. The worst thing that could happen is his brother regrets it, reverses it, doesn't learn his lesson, and complains to Anti-Schnozmo for hours. The anti-teen would probably think that it'd be 'another day that ends in Y' if that phrase existed. "No. Just him," Anti-Schnozmo said.

"Alright. I'll even poof you two home while I'm at it! How does that sound?" He waved his hourglass wand. Since he technically was powered by fairy magic, when Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Schnozmo appeared back in Anti-Fairy world, they were coughing. They were nowhere near their house, but it was a start. Anti-Schnozmo poofed both of them back to their house and promptly went to sleep without noticing, or caring that his brother looked a little different.

To his surprise, Anti-Schnozmo woke up on his own. It's almost always either his wand waking him up on school days, or his brother begging for something magical. He thought for sure that Anti-Cosmo would come poofing in and demanding a trip to Anti-Wanda's house now that her family was back, but nothing. The anti-teen poofed through the wall to see Anti-Cosmo was awake already, but he was just sitting on the floor.

Anti-Schnozmo noticed that he looked different. All of his colors, especially his eyes, looked kind of desaturated. Grayer. He definitely looked more like an anti-fairy than a pixie, but he was much closer to the later than he should have been. "Whatcha doing there?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

"Sitting."

"You don't want to go to Anti-Wanda's?"

He shrugged. "What's the point?"

"Surely you at least want to be poofed to the Big Anti-Wand then."

Anti-Cosmo shrugged again. "What's the point?"

"To get more Anti-Magic so you can take over Anti-Fairy World."

"Not interested," Anti-Cosmo said.

Anti-Schnozmo knew it was wrong, but he couldn't help the smile forming on his face. Anti-Cosmo had always been such a troublesome child, especially ever since their mother started to stay home less because of work. Getting rid of his dreams must have gotten rid of his ambitions too. Those same ambitions that made his life so hard. No more fearing that Anti-Binky would do something to his family because of Anti-Cosmo's idiot dreams, no more fearing Anti-Blonda's rage about a bad role model either. He wouldn't be woken up in the middle of the night and forced into an adventure either. Anti-Cosmo may have lost his dreams, but Anti-Schnozmo practically had a dream come true. Granted, a dream he hadn't put much thought into, but a dream nonetheless.

"Good," Anti-Schnozmo mumbled, "Let's keep it that way."

"Okay. I won't try to, but I won't try not to either."

"Okay, cool," he said. "You know, it's for the best. You would have never conquered Anti-Fairy World." Anti-Cosmo didn't react to that statement at all. Usually, he would get furious. He decided to push it even farther to search for a reaction."You're too incompetent to take over Anti-Binky." Still no reaction. Anti-Schnozmo nodded in satisfaction. "If you listened to me from the beginning, we could have gotten to this point with a lot less pain."

"...Okay…"

'Perfect,' Anti-Blonda thought. Usually, Anti-Cosmo would have poofed to her home by now, but he, and his bad influence, was nowhere to be seen. For multiple days actually. It wasn't until a couple of days after school started up again that everything seemed less 'perfect'.

After being poofed home, Anti-Blonda noticed how her sister wasn't smiling like usual. She was looking at the ground instead, head low. "Are you okay? You're not sick, are you?" She put her hand to her sister's forehead. It felt fine.

"Yeah. I'm okay," Anti-Wanda mumbled, clearly not sounding happy. "It's just Anti-Cosmo, I guess."

That name made Anti-Blonda jump to the biggest conclusions. "That jerk! Did he say something mean? Go and insult him back! Call him the idiot with weird eyes and teeth! Make him cry."

Anti-Wanda was completely confused. "What? He's not a jerk, he's just… I don't know… not Anti-Cosmoish. I liked Anti-Cosmoish Anti-Cosmo."

"What do you mean?" Anti-Blonda goes out of her way to not talk to Anti-Cosmo, so she was surprisingly more lost as her clueless sister.

"We always had fun together, playing games, and he taught me such cool stuff. Today, and the day before today, he didn't want to do any of that. He didn't want to do anything." Anti-Wanda visibly looked sadder as she continued. "I-I don't want him to not play with me. I miss it. He was so much fun. Do you think that he doesn't like m-me anymore? D-did I do something wrong?"

"No, it's him. He's just weird, and a bad influence anyway. Maybe this is for the best. You can make new, less troublesome friends that'll be better than Anti-Cosmo ever was."

"But I liked Anti-Cosmo. And it took a really long time to find him. I don't want to spend that really long time again."

Anti-Blonda floated in thought for a second. "How about this, I'll try to knock some sense into your friend, as long as you promise to at least try and make other friends. Deal?"

"Okay," Anti-Wanda said smiling. She lifted up her wand. "We can both go now!"

Anti-Blonda pushed it down and laughed awkwardly. "Let's wait until mom or dad come home." Eventually, another Anti-Fairywinkle came home from work, so Anti-Blonda poofed over to the Anti-Cosma house like she said she would. She'd been there a couple of times, not nearly as much as Anti-Cosmo or his brother had been to her house, but she still knew the layout.

By the time she got there, Anti-Cosmo was just sitting on the floor of his room, doing absolutely nothing. He didn't acknowledge Anti-Blonda's poof at all. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

"Sitting."

"I meant to Anti-Wanda." As Anti-Blonda stared at the anti-child, she couldn't help but notice how off he looked. "Why have you been acting weird with her? Is it me? I hope you know that you complain a lot, so that would make you a hypocrite." Her comment only got a blank stare in return. "No sarcastic quip?"

"No," Anti-Cosmo said, "there would be no point."

"Did you get bitten by a radioactive pixie or something?" Anti-Blonda asked rhetorically. It dawned on her that, with Anti-Cosmo, that was a very real possibility. He's done worse. It would explain the dull appearance and attitude too. The fear of a rabid-like, radioactive pixie roaming around the worlds terrified her. Luckily, Anti-Cosmo said an emotionless no. It wasn't too convincing though. "So what happened then?"

"There's no point in telling you."

She sighed. Somehow, despite basically being a shell of himself, Anti-Cosmo still managed to get on her nerves. It's commendable really. Anti-Blonda poofed across the wall and immediately grabbed Anti-Schnozmo's wand before he could poof away. He panicked without his wand. "Why are you here? Is it about the test answers I gave you? I know four Cs in a row is fishy but I promise that it's right. Mrs. Ashcraft just likes Cs."

"No you dummy, I retook that test yesterday and chickened out of cheating anyway. I'm here for your idiot brother."

"Why? You hate him."

"I know. Anti-Wanda is somehow attached to him, so why's he like this? Should I buy anti-pixie-magic boards for my house?"

Anti-Schnozmo blinked in confusion. "N… no? We went to the sandman and he made a stupid wish with Harvey." He said stupid loud enough that Anti-Cosmo could probably hear it through the walls. Over the past few days, he's been saying things that would get emotion, mostly anger, out of his brother to check if he was still dreamless or not. He was.

The other anti-teen groaned. "But he's all the way on Earth. We'll have to combine magic to get down there. Did the anti-bridge get finished yet?" Something clicked as she thought about what Anti-Schnozmo told her. "Wait, we? You were there? You're his brother! Why didn't you stop if you knew it was stupid?"

He tried to grab his wand, but Anti-Blonda pushed his hand back down. She wasn't leaving without answers. It was alarming to the easily alarmed Anti-Schnozmo. "I-I was tired."

"Come on, like that's an excuse. We're teens; we're always tired. And what about after that? He hasn't been to my house in days. Very un-Anti-Cosmo-like. That's plenty of time for a nap."

"I thought you of all people would have liked it. He's not a bad role model anymore. He's not a bad brother. He's not bad."

"But he's not good either," Anti-Blonda argued. She couldn't believe who she was defending. "He's basically nothing right now! That's gotta be worse. Do you honestly like that personality-less husk more than your own sibling?" Anti-Schnozmo didn't answer, he looked to the ground instead. His expression answered Anti-Blonda's question for him. "Oh come on, he's not that bad, and this is coming from me! Sure he's a jerk, and he doesn't think about consequences, but he's like two. You're ninety! And, I can't stress this enough, you're his brother!"

"And?"

Anti-Blonda knew that the Anti-Cosma family was weird, but this would have to be the biggest change from what she was used to. Her highest priority had always been her family, but to Anti-Schnozmo it seemed like blood doesn't matter. Anti-Cosmo appeared to be just another kid that manipulates him, but with the added bonus of living with him. But that couldn't be true, Anti-Blonda has seen them get along together better than they get along with others. He probably just needed a reminder of what Anti-Cosmo was really like to care again.

"I'll be back," Anti-Blonda said. "And I'll be the sibling that you should be."

"Okay. May I have my wand back?"

"No."

Anti-Schnozmo nodded. "Okay…"

Anti-Blonda poofed to the next door with both wands, then grabbed Anti-Cosmo. The bland anti-child didn't resist in the slightest as he got poofed away. Together they poofed to the anti-rainbow bridge and slid down. Once on earth, Anti-Blonda looked to Anti-Cosmo. "So, where's Harvey?"

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "I don't know."

"Where did you meet him last time?"

He pointed in a general direction.

She signed. "Do you have anything better than that?"

The younger anti-fairy shrugged. "What's the point?"

"I should have expected this…" she mumbled. Grabbing Anti-Cosmo's hand, she started floating in the direction he pointed in.

"Does it really work? Can you really get 'genetic material' of a negmagwaji from that note?"

A crazy smile spread on the man's face. "Coming…coming..." he laughed. "Anti-crazy is what they'll call me."

The girl looked over his shoulder and smiled too. "We're getting close, aren't we?"

Despite the vague directions, Anti-Blonda somehow found the sandman again, dragging Anti-Cosmo the whole time. It actually took a lot shorter time than she thought it would, which still wasn't a short amount of time, but it was a start. He ended up being at the edge of a pretty sudden forest. He was standing instead of floating, probably because a human village was so close by.

Anti-Blonda's sigh of relief for finally finding what she was looking for quickly became an immobilizing fear. The curses of having an extroverted opposite is that even the smallest of audiences give stage fright. For Anti-Blonda, either adults, fairies, or strangers kindled fear, and the whole time she was searching, she failed to consider that the sandman was all three. The anti-teen looked at Anti-Cosmo and nudged him toward Harvey in hopes he'd get the hint. If he did get the hint, his emotionless face didn't show it and he made no attempt to do it.

"Hey, you're back," Sandman said. "That was fast. Who's your new friend?"

Anti-Cosmo stared back blankly instead of responding. Anti-Blonda didn't respond either, she was completely frozen in fear. It didn't help that she saw two shadowy figures in the thick forest behind the fairy. The figures were coming closer.

The sandman didn't notice what was going on behind him. He was looking directly at Anti-Blonda now. "Do you want your dreams magiced gone too, or the opposite?"

Both of the anti-fairies still stared in silence, even as a butterfly net swished out of a bush onto the sandman. A peal of manic laughter was heard. "A fairy!" One of the shadowy figures said. The second stepped into the light revealing to Anti-Blonda that it was the human that made it into their school. Tannis Turner. She had a strange device in her hands that looked to have some paper in it.

"The creatures you were talking to, where are they?" Tannis questioned.

The sandman waved his hand dismissively. "There seems to be a misunderstanding. I wasn't talking to anything, I was practicing a sales pitch. Did you know that I have the most comfortable water-filled goatskins around? And only for the low low cost-"

"I don't want your cursed objects, sleep fairy. I want the invisible ones." Tannis said. "And don't even try to poof away," she looked in the general direction of the anti-fairies, "We have some things that can find any sort of magic."

Anti-Blonda floated utterly terrified. 'No no no no no, this isn't good,' she thought, 'this isn't good at all. Just stay still, stay quiet, and they'll never find you. They can't see you.' she looked at Anti-Cosmo, who still held the same emotionless, blank stare. 'I guess this is why Anti-Schnozmo gave up. This little freak of nature makes bad luck follow him, and somehow makes that a bad thing. And of all people, Anti-Wanda gravitated toward him…'

The second man came out of the shadows, but he was wearing a cloak that made it so there was practically no difference in his looks. He was still completely unidentifiable, unless you read (or listened to) a lot of books on crazy people. The butterfly flipped around in his hands, so now the trapped fairy was transportable. "Leave them. Those negmagwajis are invisible… all we need is the fairy. All the proof, all the poof. I'll finally prove that the earth is flat. Those philosophers don't know anything."

"But the negmagwajis are evil!" Tannis complained, but it was no use. The man started walking away, so she reluctantly followed, not wanting to get left behind.

The two were long gone, long long gone, by the time Anti-Blonda mustered up enough courage to move again. "Oh god, oh no, we got him captured. I know that girl, she was probably looking for me. Or you. This can't be good. We have to save him."

"What's the point?"

'He's not wrong,' thought Anti-Blonda. 'We'll just get captured. Anti-Wanda can suck it up and get new friends.' Unfortunately for her, another thing her opposite cursed her with was a decent amount of selflessness that went against her better judgment. "The point is we need to find where those humans took him. The girl has this castle, but I don't think she goes back there. If we knew who the man was then maybe…"

"Ludwig Gage?"

That's when it dawned on Anti-Blonda that Anti-Cosmo is obsessed with books and has multiple on magic truthers. Author fairies tend to be pretty big stalkers, so there's a great chance that Anti-Cosmo knows exactly where the crazy man lives, and therefore knows where the sandman went. "Yes, exactly. Do you know where he lives?"

Anti-Cosmo nodded.

"Could you tell me?"

"Why?"

"Do you want to know why?" Anti-Blonda was tired of him always asking what the point of it was. Her annoyance shone through her rashly toned voice. "It's because all of this is actually your fault. Because you act so stupid and impulsive and selfish. You don't listen. But do you know what else? The reason you'll do this is because you need to be an impulsive, selfish idiot again, and this is the only way to do so."

"Still, what's the point?"

"The point is, no matter how horrible you are, Anti-Wanda still likes you, and that's because you're always stubbornly determined about everything, and, I'm not going to lie, that's pretty admirable."

Anti-Cosmo blinked at that statement. His eyes seemed slightly greener, but Anti-Blonda dismissed that as her own eyes playing tricks on her. She continued as Anti-Cosmo just stared. "I mean, you've probably read more books than anybody at our school, and you can't even read. Your dedication is honestly amazing." His eyes regained some saturation again. "And to get that dedication again we need the sandman, so where would we find him?"

To Anti-Blonda's surprise, Anti-Cosmo actually said an address instead of questioning it again. She lifted her wand, then poofed them a fair distance away from the address, to avoid possible magic detectors. It wasn't hard to fly to the house Anti-Cosmo mentioned. It also wasn't as hard to drag Anti-Cosmo behind her as it was before.

They both quietly made it into the house with a still-open door and Anti-Blonda looked around. She soon found a secret entrance to an underground room wasn't so secret, so she floated down. Below were many inventions, all labeled with overly long, vague names, but they all had one thing in common: they were made to help capture/ torture a magical creature. The thought of a person inventing things specifically to do something like that to her classmates made Anti-Blonda feel sick. She knew the basics about magic truthers, and how they constantly do unspeakable things to those who get captured. There was nothing that anybody could do about it, since unauthorized human interaction was against da rules. How Anti-Cosmo willingly listens to acts like those multiple times was just another drop in the bucket of how weird he is.

The anti-fairies heard Tannis' voice, and floated toward it. "Tell me about the anti-fairies," she demanded.

"Sorry, I can't do that. But you know, cold season gets some of my best sales, so if you could just release me-"

"No!" Tannis yelled. "Tell me how to get anti-fairies! How do I torture them! Get revenge for them ruining my life over and over again!"

Anti-Blonda looked around and Gage was nowhere to be seen. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. What she knew definitely was a bad thing was that the cage the sandman was trapped in was iron. She dragged Anti-Cosmo back out of the house so she couldn't possibly be heard. "I need you to make a plan. And really think this plan though, okay?"

"Why?"

"Sometimes you accidentally make good plans because, even if you act like an idiot, you are smart." That last comment made his eyes notably brighter.

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "Really?"

'So it wasn't my imagination,' Anti-Blonda thought. 'I must be reverting him back to normal, but compliments? You need a big ego to have dreams? I guess it would be closer to a person giving support to somebody else's dreams.'

"Do you want to know something else? I'm sure that in the next couple of years-because you're so ambitious, determined, and clever-you'll rule over Anti-Fairy World as the best ruler we ever had." Anti-Blonda was happy that her opposite wasn't Schnozmo, because that statement would have been said backward. She had little confidence that Anti-Cosmo would conquer the whole world any time soon, or at all really. Despite all of this, it worked wonders.

"Well, of course I will. I'm better than Anti-Binky in every way shape and form."

"Then you should be able to free the sandman without a hitch right?"

"No doubt. Because I'm so great. Tell me how great I am again."

Anti-Blonda put on a fake smile. 'I forgot how much I hated him.' "Yeah. Your great alright. You'd probably beat Jorgen in a boxing match or something because your one muscle is more muscly than his many muscly muscles, that one muscle being the brain."

Even if that sentence didn't make much sense, Anti-Cosmo enjoyed it quite a lot. "Indeed. So, how will my big brain get us out of this predicament? Glad you asked! I'll simply do the same thing I did last time. Iron plus anti-fairy equals fire, and iron melts at the low low point of 1,538 degrees. As for what to do with the human, I'll do what my dear anti-dad did to Anti-Schnozmo last year."

"And what would that be?"

Anti-Cosmo started flying back toward the house. "Awe, you don't know? Don't worry, you'll catch on."

"Wait, do you remember everything from your pixie-state? Like those torture devices if things go wrong?"

Anti-Cosmo nodded, his smile growing, but it looked off. "Mmhmm. I was conscious the whole time and actually did pay attention. I saw first hand how happy my brother was that I lost my personality. I'm not bitter at all about that, no sir-ey. I don't know about you, but I'm ready to go burn my hands and not dwell on the fact that my life is horrible. Can you call me great again?"

"Yep… You're great…" Anti-Blonda's feelings toward the youngest ever anti-fairy always fluctuate between thoroughly hating him and feeling quite sorry for him. Even for anti-fairy standards, he has it pretty rough. Did she honestly think Anti-Cosmo's great? Well, at the very least he could be a lot worse.

They flew back into the basement to see Tannis still desperately trying to get the sandman to talk about anti-fairies. Anti-Cosmo raised his rattle, which Anti-Bonda shook her head too. She mimicked sirens with her hands. He smiled evilly. "Hey you ugly human, guess what I am!" Anti-Cosmo yelled in a perfect Anti-Blonda impression. He poofed up as much flower as he could and dumped it over Anti-Blonda. "I'm a negmagwaji!"

"That voice! You were the one that was with that horrible Anti-Fairy!"

Anti-Blonda, not willing to stick around and find out what Tannis's opinions on her were, shot her wand right up, but didn't poof away just yet. Anti-Cosmo floated over to the cage and grabbed two bars as hard as he could. Even with his built-up immunity, it still made him wince. It didn't make it easier when he started rubbing his hands up and down to make the fire grow faster.

"No, stop that!" Tannis yelled, not guessing that there were two. She grabbed a random device and threw it at Anti-Wanda's hand, knocking the wand out of it. She lifted up Anti-Schnozmo's wand and poofed away with that.

The fire Anti-Cosmo was making kept exponentially growing in both heat and size, especially as it spread to all of the mostly wooden mechanisms. Tannis started grabbing all of the important things that she could. "Those anti-fairies really are hellspawns!"

The two iron bars Anti-Cosmo was rubbing finally melted enough for the sleep fairy to escape.

"You okay kid?" the sandman asked as he flew out.

Anti-Cosmo looked very clearly in pain, but smiled fakely and nodded anyway. "Yep. Never better. I love my life."

Not caring about the fire, the sandman flew over and grabbed his wand from its faraway shelf. Anti-Cosmo also grabbed Anti-Blonda's wand, but rather than using his hands, he decided his teeth would work better. Afterward, they both flew out of the burning building.

"Well, that was really something," the sandman said. "So, I never did catch why you came back. For dreams again would be my bet."

"Yeah, I guess. Anti-Wanda would appreciate it," Anti-Cosmo said through a closed mouth.

With one swish of the wand, Anti-Cosmo was back to normal. The sandman looked at Anti-Cosmo's teeth, or lack thereof, that was holding the wand as he coughed from the magic. The sandman thought for a second, then handed Anti-Cosmo a bag he pulled out of thin air. "What's this?"

"I told ya, you're a cute kid. This is for your troubles. Don't open it til' you get home though."

Anti-Cosmo grabbed the bag with the back of his hands and immediately opened it. A cloud of dust exploded out of it, putting Anti-Cosmo to sleep.

The sandman rolled his eyes. "Kids. They're really something else."

Anti-Blonda poofed beside Anti-Cosmo, now flour-free, to complain, but stopped when she saw the sandman. "M-m-Mr. Sandman, sir, I-I'm so sorry."

He shrugged. "Don't sweat it. Trust me, I work in retail, I've been through worse."

"O-okay…" She looked at Anti-Cosmo, who was sucking on her wand kind of like a pacifier. She noticed his corrected pallet. "I-is he-"

"Yeah. Dreams are all back in there. Want me to poof you two home again?"

"N-no thank you." Anti-Blonda poofed them both to the anti-bridge She let out a sigh of relief to finally be done with this whole fiasco. Well, almost done. At least Anti-Cosmo was floating in his sleep, so he was easy to drag back up the bridge. By the time Anti-Blonda poofed into Anti-Schnozmo's room, making him scream, the day was mostly over.

"Did you learn our lesson on how to be a better older brother while we were gone?" She asked.

"Um... sey?" he lied.

Anti-Blonda didn't care as much at this point, so she handed over the sleeping anti-child. "That's your wand now. And trust me, you won't get that back until he wakes up. Also, I'm pretty sure he's really mad at you."

"Really? Why? I didn't do anything."

Anti-Blonda shook her head. 'He's more like his brother than he thinks.' Without saying anything else, she poofed away, leaving Anti-Schnozmo alone with his brother.

Anti-Cosmo woke up feeling more rested than he ever felt in his life. His hands were completely healed too, even though iron burns, especially ones as bad as he had, took a couple of days to fully heal. The wand was still in his mouth too. He tried to pull it out, but it was stuck on something. He lifted his rattle, poofed to the bathroom, and spat out the wand in surprise at what he saw. He smiled at himself, showing off his new, full set of teeth. Something caught his attention.

"Wait, where'd my fangs go?" He asked himself. His teeth were completely flat. He started rubbing his teeth where the fangs used to be. After a second, he felt something sharper than the others, and it ended up that his fangs were back. "What?" he questioned.

After some experiments, Anti-Cosmo came to the conclusion that his teeth could magically change shape if he wanted them too, probably because they were made from sucking on a magic wand. It was only basic shapeshifting though with tree forms: all flat, all sharp, and mostly flat with two sharp fangs where his old teeth used to be. He left it in the last form, his favorite, and was about to go tell his brother, but stopped. "Why should I tell him? He wouldn't care." He started floating toward the house's door. "I'll show them to Anti-Wanda. She'll care. And Anti-Blonda too, I guess."

Chapter Text

Foop looked over his homework assignment unenthusiastically. He didn't want to do it, but his grade was on the verge of a D as it was, and he didn't want to get in trouble again. He needed a great score on this to have any hope of getting a B by the time report cards get out.

"So," Anti-Wanda said, "why'd you ask for my help with your homework? I'm sure your father could do a better job than me. I was never good at the whole maths and stuffs."

"Yeah, but he's busy. Besides, you might actually be more help for this. I have to make a family tree, a complete family tree. I know father doesn't like to talk about his family before us, so do you know anything about that?"

Anti-Wanda was quiet while staring at her son. "Well, about that…" Being at a loss for words wasn't too uncommon for her, but this time it seemed different. "It's… Your father's family is actually my family because we got married. So there's Anti-Blonda, Big Anti-Daddy, Anti-"

"No," Foop cut her off. "I mean his blood relatives. His own mother, father, and broth- I mean possible sibling. Surely you've met them at least once."

Looking around, Anti-Wanda asked "who's Shurley? Is that a new friend of yours?"

Foop was getting annoyed. Maybe his father would have been a better choice. "Who was Father raised by?"

She shrugged. "I don't know. Back when we were younger, anti-fairy parents were at work all the time, so he probably was raised by himself. I had Anti-Blonda, but he didn't have any brothers or sisters to help him."

'Lies.' Foop thought. 'Why would Mother lie about something so small?' "Thanks, I guess. I'll go see if Father's any more help."

"Sweetie, I don't think that'll be a great idea," Anti-Wanda said, but Foop wasn't listening. He already poofed away.

"So we have to make a family tree," Foop explained. Anti-Cosmo sat across from him, barely listening. He was clearly still thinking about how to make the next Friday the 13th have even more bad luck, but ignoring his son's homework would send a bad message. "a complete family tree. That means your half of the family too. So…"

Anti-Cosmo sighed. "Foop, I've already told you, my parents practically don't exist. I'm sure your teacher will understand. And even if she doesn't, this shouldn't hurt your still excellent grade too much, now should it."

"If your parents don't exist then what about Anti-Schnozmo?" Foop asked.

Anti-Cosmo seemed to recognize the name. Foop now had his full attention, and the anti-baby wasn't sure that was a good thing. "Why'd you say that name?"

"That's your brother, isn't it?"

Anti-Cosmo's eyes narrow. "Why would you think that." Foop recognized his father's tone as something he wouldn't want to mess with, but he was confused on why what he said got him there.

"I, um, asked Cosmo and he said his brother's name was Schnozmo, so I just assumed-" Foop lied. His parents still don't know about what he did when he disappeared, and he'd rather keep it that way.

"Well don't assume. Cosmo is an incompetent nincompoop that probably mistook a monkey for his brother and named it something stupidly close to his own name. And you shouldn't be anywhere near Timothy or our counterparts in the first place."

"So you're saying that if I look in the Fairy Files that there won't be any fairy's named Schnozmo, or anti-fairies named Anti-Schnozmo?"

Foop didn't get a response from his father. Instead, he got glared at harder, then poofed back into his room. "This can't be right," Foop told himself. "I saw young Father's brother and his ugly, nose-less self. He's my uncle, I should know more about him than I do!" Foop poofed up some detective clothing. "I'll show Father what a real only child is like."

The doorbell rang throughout the house, making Anti-Blonda freeze. She started flying slowly toward the door, wishing that it was just a package or something. It was actually Foop. A surprise for sure, but a welcome one!

She flung the door open. "Foop! Long time no see. I love the outfit." She looked around. "Is my sister with you?"

"No, it's just me. You're old, right?"

All enthusiasm she had drained out. "Listen here Mr. first-anti-fairy-born-in-the-last-couple-of-millennia, I was considered young before you came along."

Sighing, Foop invited himself into his aunt's house. "I didn't mean it like that, I meant it as in you'd know a thing or two about historical events, wouldn't you?"

"Um, yeah, I guess."

"Then why do the files say that there's a fairy named Schnozmo, but the anti-files have no mentions of an Anti-Schnozmo at all? That's not possible, is it?"

Anti-Blonda became noticeably paler. "Y-you didn't ask your father about this, did you?"

"Kinda… He was acting really weird. Mother too."

Anti-Blonda's face disappeared behind her hands. "Foop, promise me you won't get mixed up in this." A poof was heard, and Anti-Blonda knew nothing good was going to happen.

"I know who'd give me straight answers," Foop grumbled as he searched for the time teleporter. Still being too young to make a time scooter, it was the best he could do. He found it and pulled it out. "Anti-Schnozmo himself." it was switched on and flown through.

The cubic child appeared back inside the school, but he knew it was thousands of years before he was ever born. By some miracle, he actually cared enough to remember what room Anti-Cosmo went to school at, so he flew directly there, in hopes that school would still be in session and Anti-Cosmo still had that class. Whether it be luck or coincidence, both of those were hopes fulfilled.

When Foop poofed in, Anti-Cosmo was at the front of the room bragging about all 30 of his new teeth. The class all looked at him. "Do I know you?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"What are you doing here?" Ms. Magister asked simultaneously. She already looked 110% done with him, even if he just showed up.

Neither question got directly answered because Foop responded with a question of his own. "Who is Anti-Schnozmo?"

That name, once again, got a glare for an answer from Anti-Cosmo, but it seemed different from before. "He's just like Mum. A worthless excuse for an Anti-Fairy. A giant wuss and just so contemptible."

"My sister says that Anti-Cosmo and his brother got in a fight yesterday," Anti-Wanda chimed in.

Anti-Cosmo shook his head. "Not quite. Yesterday I fought with nobody, and I have no brother. I'm an only child."

Anti-Wanda looked amazed. She fully believed his lie. "Really?! Wow, I would have never guessed."

Foop floated there flabbergasted. Could this really be the reason he's never seen his uncle? Because Anti-Cosmo got salty and disowned him when he was two? That's way too stupid to be an explanation. 'Well, at least he acknowledges the existence of his brother,' Foop thought. 'And his mother. Maybe I could get the whole family.' "Can I talk to your not-brother?"

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "If you want. He's in room 101."

"Anti-Blonda is there too. Tell her I said hi," Anti-Wanda said.

Foop was too determined for answers that he didn't listen to his future parents. He poofed over to the said classroom and immediately recognized both his young aunt and alleged uncle. "I have some questions for you, Anti-Schnozmo!" Foop said.

The anti-teen tilted his head at him. "You're that purple-eyed kid that became Anti-Cosmo, aren't you? What are you doing here?"

"I need to know who you are. Why would you vanish in the future?"

"I WHAT?!" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

The fairy at the front of the class looks between the two anti-fairies. "Anti-Schnozmo, do you want to handle this in the hall?"

The horrified anti-fairy nodded and poofed out with Foop close behind. "What do you mean I vanish? Are you a time traveler? I thought fairy babies were outlawed."

"There's a loophole to it that a horrible god kid exploits, and the loop hole's fixed now, but that's not the point. You vanished out of history and all the people who probably knew you now act like you never existed."

"All the people?! Who did you ask? If it was just Anti-Cosmo he's probably being an overdramatic idiot."

"It was also Anti-Wanda and Blonda."

Anti-Schnozmo started pacing worriedly through the hall. "I bet it was Anti-Cosmo. He's always dragging me into stuff. His fruitless dreams probably got me killed. This is exactly why he was better without dreams. Everything was better when he was without dreams. He's going to get all of us killed! And all because of his stupid wish to take over Anti-Fairy World! All I have to do is get rid of it again."

It was starting to get awfully rewrite-the-future like. It dawned on Foop that he might be going a bit overboard for a family tree. Well, he might as well go all the way. I mean, at worst he'd just stop existing again, then just do the same thing he did last time.

"You can stop Fa-Anti-Cosmo from taking over Anti-Fairy World at any point, but I need your help for my school project ASAP before I get found."

"What?" Anti-Schnozmo questioned.

"Tell me all the things about yourself that Anti-Cosmo won't."

Direct orders were always hard for Anti-Schnozmo to disobey, so, begrudgingly, he stayed in the hall with Foop. He hardly hid how anxious he was: fidgeting, looking back toward his brother's classroom, rocking back and forth in the air, and more were all being done while answering all of the cubic child's questions. Of course, because it hasn't happened yet, Anti-Schnozmo couldn't answer Foop's biggest question, but he did insist that it was probably because Anti-Cosmo somehow got his immortal life cut short.

Foop didn't know what to make of that theory. Surely he would know if his own father got an anti-fairy literally killed, accidental or not. Not even Cosmo's opposite would be evil enough to do that or smart enough to change reality itself.

Foop looked down at his still incomplete family tree and something dawned on him. "Wait, what about your parents?"

"W-what about them?"

"Future Anti-Cosmo told me they 'practically don't exist'. You practically don't exist! Has anything happened to them? Maybe that's what happens to you too!"

Anti-Schnozmo stared at Foop a bit perplexed and creeped out. From his perspective, this anti-fairy that was apparently born from a loophole knew way too much about his family, especially Anti-Cosmo, and apparently talked to them frequently in the future as well. He really seemed like a stalker. "My dad was banished to Earth before I was born."

"How unfortunate," Foop said uncaringly as he wrote. "And your mother?"

"She still lives with us, but she works two jobs, so I don't see her too often anymore."

Foop nodded as he wrote more. "Do you think that future-you will get banished?"

"I… I don-" Anti-Schnozmo got cut short by Anti-Blonda poofing into the hall with them, obviously starling him. "Anti-Blonda?"

"The teacher wants to know if you're finished now."

Anti-Schnozmo looked to Foop, who was still writing for his project. He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess we're done." He lifted his bottle and it flashed but dulled and cued over directly afterward. It scared both anti-teens.

"What was that?" Anti-Schnozmo asked.

Foop looked at his bottle. "That can't be good. Father will kill me if I don't erase his memories…"

"Y-you're trying to erase memories?" Anti-Blonda questioned. "But only the first-class wands can do that."

"Is that what you did to Anti-Cosmo the last time you were here?!"

Foop looked between his young aunt and uncle and saw their horrified expressions. It didn't feel worth it, especially without memory wiping abilities. The future is probably falling apart more and more with every second he spent there. His purple eyes looked deep into both pairs of red ones as he said "Don't tell anybody about anything I've said. Just go back to your class and pretend that nothing has happened"

Both of them nodded. The idea of a time-traveling elite was enough to scare Anti-Blonda into eternal silence, and Anti-Schnozmo still couldn't disobey a direct order. Two wands were flung up and they both poofed back into the class behind them.

Foop let out a sigh in relief. It was a lot easier to convince them than he thought it would be. Granted, his older aunt would have reacted basically the same way, so it shouldn't have been that big of a surprise. Foop wasted no time refinding the time teleporter. He went through it and, to his surprise, his adult-again aunt was right outside of it.

She looked as if she was waiting there the whole time worrying. Her shaking hands grabbed the square anti-fairy. "Foop, what were you thinking?!"

He poofed out of her grasp. "I was thinking that I should know about my own uncle. I'm not a child anymore, but I keep being treated like one, so I had to take matters into my own hands."

"You're five years old! We're all 2,000 or older! Trust me, we'd know if you're ready or not better than you!" Anti-Blonda yelled at him.

Foop had never seen his aunt so angry before. As far as he could tell, she'd never been this passionate about anything. Sure, what he did was a bit irrational of a step, but something happened to his own flesh and blood that nobody would tell him about. Having a missing uncle wasn't even the biggest draw; it was the sheer denial and taboo-ness that has been coming up. Ever since he first got visited by his young parents, he had listened to countless stories about Anti-Cosmo's childhood, and not once did his very real, very prominent, brother get mentioned. Everything just seemed unfair.

"What do you know? It's been so long since the last child anti-fairy that you can't say how 'ready' I am for anything! I've probably done more with my five years than you with your thousands anyway."

Anti-Blonda put her head into her hands. "Foop…" she mumbled through her palms. All anger her voice had was gone and replaced with a more serious, mournful tone. "Please... just drop it."

"Why should I?"

"Anti-Cosmo was as old as you are now when it happened, and… h-he… please, just take my word for it. And don't mention it to your father." Anti-Blonda lifted her head out of her hands. "Speaking of your father, you need to get back in time and make him forgive his brother."

"What?" Foop questioned. "Didn't you just yell at me for time traveling?"

"Well, your time meddling already made Anti-Cosmo's brother even more paranoid about his sibling's ambitions than before. Now he's never going to apologize to Anti-Cosmo, and Anti-Cosmo is too stubborn to be the better person. Go back and teach your father about the importance of family and make him let their bygones be bygones."

"I can't help. I'm not sure if you know this, but I don't have any siblings," Foop said. He lifted his bottle. "Besides, I can't erase memories right now. Why can't you do it?"

"Time travel isn't easy, Foop." Anti-Blonda sighed and gestured at the Time Teleporter. "You barely fit through that thing, so I definitely can't go through it. Also, there's nothing wrong with your magic. You're just too young to erase the memories of people much older than you. You can still get rid of Anti-Cosmo's, and Anti-Wanda will forget you as long as you don't do anything too memorable."

Foop shrugged. "Yeah, I guess that makes sense, but I still don't know how you expect me to get young Father to forgive his brother. I don't even know what happened."

"You know that story Anti-Cosmo told you about me making fun of him after he got his dreams taken away by Harvey, then I realized that I was being 'exceptionally evil' and helped him get his ambitions back?" Anti-Blonda asked. Foop nodded. "That first half wasn't me. It was actually his brother. And you've known Anti-Cosmo your whole life, I'm sure you can think of something." Anti-Blonda turned her nephew around to face the Time Teleporter again. "And before you ask, yes, you'll have to teach him a lesson just to erase it, but memory loss spells are bad enough that he'll remember the basics."

"Okay, I've got it. I've still got one more question."

Anti-Blonda sighed. "What?"

"So, you don't talk about it, and I'm guessing all of Father's memories about my uncle got erased somehow, but what about Mother? Why would she lie to me? Did she lose her memories too?"

"No, we both remember, and we both don't talk about it for the same reason why you're not going to either. Satisfied?"

Foop nodded again. "Yeah." He flew through the portal.

The second he got back to the past, the bell rang. He poofed into Anti-Cosmo's classroom just in time to see Anti-Blonda poof Anti-Cosmo away, then Anti-Wanda and herself away. "What? Where'd they go?" Foop asked nobody in particular.

"Since Anti-Cosmo can't poof home and 'doesn't have a sibling' to poof him home, he got somebody else's sibling to do it," Ms. Magister said. Foop groaned and lifted his bottle to poof away.

When Anti-Cosmo finished changing out of his bright blue uniform into his dark blue normal clothing there was a knock at his door. "Oh no, a burglar," he said unenthusiastically. "For, besides my working mother, I live alone, so that is the only logical option. Nothing of worth in here, burglar, so be gone."

Foop rolled his eyes. "I'm not a burglar, I'm that devilishly handsome Anti-Fairy that showed up in your class today."

"Oh," Anti-Cosmo said, "yes, I remember you." He flew over and opened the door. Foop could have just poofed in, but neither of them dwelled on that. "It was purple-eyed, magic-made freak, wasn't it?"

"My name's Anti-Poof," Foop lied. He knew full well how his young father would have reacted to his real name, and he'd rather not be laughed at again. Besides, he does get called Anti-Poof from time to time, so it wouldn't be that hard to answer to.

"You poor freak. At least my opposite's parents were decent at naming. So what brings you here?"

"I guess I have to teach you a lesson."

Anti-Cosmo slammed the door. "Ew. Why? Who even are you? And you never answered, do I know you?"

"It's complicated," Foop answered. "The real question is what can I do to get you to forgive your brother?"

Anti-Cosmo stared at his future son with an eyebrow raised. "I can't emphasize this much more, but who the hell are you?"

Foop thought for a second. He was tempted to just tell him the truth about everything, but chances are that his lackluster memory wiping abilities wouldn't get rid of everything. What would be a believable lie? "I…" he looked around the room and noticed some audiobooks. "... am an author. Yeah, that's believable. I'm a young author who decided that you and your life would make a good first story, so I've been secretly following you."

Anti-Cosmo smiled and started messing with his hair. "Oh, you don't have to do that. My life isn't all that interesting. Nobody would ever want to read it, especially if it's about me now and not my inevitable adult self who rules Anti-Fairy World." he laughed nervously. "Imagine reading over 80,000 words about me. Ridiculous, right? Not that I'm interested or anything, but can I have a copy?"

"No. I'm not going to publish it or anything. Like you said, it's not good, and it's just practice anyway."

Anti-Cosmo's face fell into disappointment. "Kay, thanks, I appreciated that so, so much. Can you leave now?"

"I can't leave, I still need to get you to acknowledge the fact that you have a sibling."

Anti-Cosmo sat on his crib with his legs crossed. "Fine," he said, "I'm listening. Present me your argumentative essay, and I'll grade you on its effectiveness. Just a heads up, I don't grade fairly."

Foop found it a bit strange how he worded that, but ignored it regardless. "So, unlike you, I've never had a sibling. My mother and auntie are the only siblings I know. I suppose Poof and Timmy technically count too." Foop got annoyed just by thinking of his counterpart. "He always goes up to the front of the class and says stupid stuff like 'my god-brother is the best' and 'he's always there for me'," he fake gagged, "they're insufferable! Every time I try and kill Poof, Timmy is always there to ruin it, and the other way around too. One day they were even fighting because Poof wanted him to get rid of his stupid pink hat, but Timmy refused. I thought that it would be a perfect time to destroy Poof, surely Timmy wouldn't help him, they were fighting, but he did anyway! How outrageous is that!"

Anti-Cosmo moved his rattle close to his mouth. "Note to self, instead of rhetoric, he used a rhetorical question. How unprofessional. He also needs a better grasp of his audience. This 'Poof' and 'Timmy' he speaks of have no introduction, as if they are common knowledge, which they are not."

"Right, you don't know them. Anti-Wanda and Anti-Blonda should be a better example of siblings then. They look out for each other and spend Christmas together, and things like that. From what I've heard, Mo- Anti-Wanda liked you at this age and Anti-Blonda didn't, so they probably fought, but they always stopped fighting at one point or another. You should too." Foop noticed how judgemental Anti-Cosmo's stare was. He was kind of impressed at how unimpressed his father looked. It was obvious that he'd have to change his speech's direction.

"Why do you want to be an only child anyway? Because of Da Rules, I can never have a sibling, and it sucks. It gets so lonely in the castle when mother and father are both working, and even when they're not working I can tell that they don't want to be doing 'childish' things with me. I don't have anybody that knows what it's like to be such a young anti-fairy. My parents don't know what it's like to be a child anymore, they don't have any frame of reference. Speaking of which, my parents are too obsessed with me. I can't get them to leave me alone or reasonably blame somebody else if I mess up. And Poof won't shut up about the 'sibling bond' he and Timmy share. I'm not jealous of Poof, I could never envy such an irritating sphere, but I wish he'd stop gloating about things that he knows full well I can't have.

"Everybody I know wouldn't trade their sibling away for the world, but you disown yours after a tiny argument. That's pretty stupid. Besides, you never know, one day your brother might suddenly pop out of existence and you'll regret all of the time you could have spent together, but didn't because of such a small disagreement. So what do you say, why don't you just go and forgive Anti-Schnozmo and appreciate how great it probably is to have a sibling."

"Wow..." Anti-Cosmo said. "That was awful. There was way too much pathos and the structure was lackluster. Where are your sources? It had so many fallacies, and the tone was just too informal. Do you honestly think that'll convince anybody? F. Now, due to insufficient grades, you have been kicked out of my school. I would suggest you leave before I call security."

"Right, I forgot how cold-hearted you are," Foop mumbled. "On the topic of forgetting…" He lifted his bottle and made it flash in Anti-Cosmo's green eyes, making them turn unfocused and stay that way. Hoping that he did enough to save the future, Foop started heading out of the room. When he opened the door, Anti-Schnozmo fell into the room. Foop figured that he was eavesdropping on his conversation. "What are you doing here?"

He quickly got off of the floor and started to fly. "I-I heard your voice and thought you were talking about me. Turns out you weren't." he glanced over to Anti-Cosmo and his blank expression. "Did you erase his memories of you again?"

"Yeah."

"Is there any chance that you could erase what I told him the other day?"

Foop looked at his uncle. His speech actually worked, only not on the right person. He smiled a little bit, but that fell as he thought about the answer to the question. "No, probably not. I can't even erase your memory, so I don't think I can go back more than a day."

Anti-Schnozmo sighed. "That makes sense. Are you going to go back to the future now?"

"Probably. Why?"

"Because I want to ask a question before you go. By any chance are you my nephew?" Foop's striking silence seemed to answer his question. "Um, it's fine if not. I was trying to find out who you are, and why you care so much about my family, then I figured you probably were my family and it all started to add up. We recently were learning about genetics, so I noticed some things. The Anti-Cosma accent, the fangs, and the pointy ears all point to Anti-Cosmo's kid, and not to mention you kind of act like him. Your eyebrows and lashes also look like Anti-Wanda's. For Anti-Fairies, non-red eyes are an extremely recessive trait, and green and pink can combine into purple, so it all kind of adds up and fits with your story too…" Foop continued to float in silence. The lack of response was honestly quite frightening to the anti-teen. "You're right, it's a stupid theory. Anti-Cosmo probably just became an infamous criminal that you have to report on. I'll leave now."

Foop raised an eyebrow at that. "Why is that your second option? Wouldn't doing a report on Anti-Fairy World's leader make more sense than a criminal?"

"I'm a push-over, but I'm not stupid. I know Anti-Cosmo won't take over the world. Even if he doesn't live up to his unrealistic dream, you're proof that he matures at one point or another. Since I probably won't get the chance, here, give him this." A book appears in Anti-Schnozmo's had and he hands it over to Foop. He flips through the book to see all of the pages are blank. "It's an audiobook I made written in invisible ink, so it's just a pure audiobook."

"About what? Is it even good?"

"It's about-" Anti-Schnozmo started, but he stopped when he heard his brother groan. Anti-Cosmo started rubbing his eyes. Foop immediately poofed away and back to the school. As much as he was curious about the book's contents, it didn't seem worth it to re-erase some memories.

Once again, he went through the time teleporter, and, once again, Anti-Blonda was there and somehow looked more anxious than before. "Foop, did you convince Anti-Cosmo? What are you holding?"

Foop told her the story of what happened, which ended up explaining all that he knew about the audiobook.

"Oh," Anti-Blonda said. "You need to put that back through the machine."

"But Anti-Schnozmo wanted-" Foop started to say. He stopped himself. Ignoring Anti-Blonda's wishes hadn't gone great all the rest of the day, and she did have many years more of experience compared to him. "Okay… but it would be nice to know why."

Anti-Blonda was taken a bit by surprise. She was expecting more resistance. "Um, well, if Anti-Schnozmo wrote it, Anti-Cosmo can't listen to it. Magical audiobooks are read in the voice of their author. And it's best for time-traveling items to stay in their timeline," she explained as Foop literally threw it back through the portal. A bit careless for her liking, but at least it was over. The time teleporter was turned off and shoved back into a supply closet.

"You know, we should really destroy that thing," Foop mumbled.

"Or, instead of destroying school property, you can just stop using it," Anti-Blonda suggested.

Foop scoffed. "Like that'll ever happen."

Two stacks of books suddenly dropped in front of Foop, bring his attention off of his video game. Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda were floating behind the books, the later having a huge smile. "Lookie here Foop, we found a bunch of book-a-majigs for your project-thingy," Anti-Wanda beamed.

"Indeed we did son," Anti-Cosmo said. "No more making conspiracy theories about imaginary siblings. Inside of these pages are the lives of none other than Anti-Mara Anti-Cosma and Anti-Carter Anti-Cosma, as well as the parents and grandparents of Anti-Carter. Anti-Mara was a first-generation anti-fairy, so there isn't much history there, however a large part of what is sourced by me." He adjusted his monocle. "I'd say you're old enough to learn about your grandparents, as long as you keep in mind that things were a lot different back in our day. So what do you say, does this satisfy your distant-family desires?"

"I have to read? Can't you just tell me?"

Anti-Cosmo lifted his wand. "Nope, I'm a busy man. I was going to tell you earlier, but since you left your room I couldn't find you and settled for this. But it's okay Foop, your mother is free to read them with you." He poofed away.

"Yep! With the two of us, it can go by twelve times as fast!" Anti-Wanda picked up a book and was looking at it upside down. "Ain't that great?"

"Just great…"

Chapter Text

Anti-Cosmo floated at the base of the big anti-wand, his own wand attached to it in some weird, badly made contraption. This happened to be near the edge of the dark red clouds, giving the anti-fairy one of the best views of Fairy World from his placement. Of course, Anti-Cosmo didn't care about that in the slightest. He was preoccupied with the contraption.

"Excellent," he said to himself, "just one click more and power will be mine!" He laughed maniacally as he pushed the button on the device. The current that coursed through happened to use the young anti-fairy as a conductor too.

Millions of volts of electricity spread throughout his tiny body in a matter of seconds. Being immortal, it didn't kill him, but it hurt a lot more than he thought it would. As quickly as he could, the device was let go of, making it fall off of the anti-big wand. Anti-clouds are so hard and brittle that his homemade magic siphoning device shattered on impact.

"Well, that was a complete waste," Anti-Cosmo complained. The electroshock made his hair stick spike out as far as it could and covered him in black residue, so he grabbed his rattle to use its minimal magic to help get him cleaned up. Before he even started to try and use magic, the rattle glowed, making him stop in his tracks. It continued pulsing, then noises started coming from it. A voice actually. It was a static-y and bored sounding voice, but Anti-Cosmo understood it regardless.

"Is anybody there?" the voice asked.

Anti-Cosmo looked at his wand, amazed. "A broadcast… where? Why? Did I actually do something correctly for once in my life?"

"Oh hey," The voice said, gaining excitement. Apparently it heard the anti-child. "This sucks right. Where are you?"

"Wouldn't you like to know? Well, I'm not going to tell you, stalker. And yeah, life does suck. "

You could practically hear the joy drain from the broadcaster as he realized what he was talking to. "Anti-Fairy World?"

"Wow, I'm impressed. You got that just from my witty remark?"

"You won't be any help," the person complained. "Can you give this broadcast to someone in Fairy World?"

"What? No! I'm not going to Fairy World! Do it yourself you fairy with your big magic, colorful eyes, and good economy!" He assumed it was a fairy on the other end. Not many other creatures would have guessed anti-fairy just from that and want something delivered in Fairy World.

The person broadcasting didn't seem to disagree with this guess. He, instead, made it audibly apparent that he was annoyed with Anti-Cosmo. "Do you not have any news in your bizarroville over there?"

"No. Especially not Fairy news."

"Well, you should."

"Oh, what a high and mighty fairy. Tell me, do you have anti-fairy news in perfect-land?"

The fairy was silent. Anti-Cosmo already knew the answer, so the quiet was just a reassurance. "Looks like I'll have to tell you. I guess it'll be better than doing nothing," he eventually said. "So, everything in Fairy World is shut down. Everything! Everybody is stuck inside their homes because there's a highly contagious disease going around. It's a strange mutation of the chicken poofs, so the usual cure won't work."

Anti-Cosmo knew about chicken poofs (A/N: they're FOP canon, btw). While highly contagious, only one person could spread it, that being the original person who got it. Turning fairies into chickens, and anti-fairies into cows a couple days later, was basically the only symptom, besides just a general lack of energy, inability to fly, and occasional sneezes and coughs, so it wasn't really seen as a threat unless it got to Earth. It shouldn't get anybody too worried in Fairy World, even if the cure didn't work. "A strange mutation, huh? How's it different?" Knowing that he'd deal with the reverse of the effects soon, he might as well learn about it ahead of time.

"It's more of a sickness than usual. The infected become chickens, yes, but their magic goes rogue. The infected can't use it correctly. This makes it even worse considering that now everybody is contagious, not just one person, so it's really going crazy with who it affects. To try and stop the spread, everybody is forced to stay as far away from everybody else as possible. Some fairies didn't listen and went to Earth, so now the fairy godparents are being recalled and, to stop the faulty magic, the big wand has been mostly powered off. Nobody knows how to cure it, but I hear that they're trying. I live alone, hence why I'm talking to you. Luckly, I'm one of the few without it."

Anti-Cosmo looked, kind of begrudgingly, at Fairy World. The big wand did look much duller than usual. It wasn't a lie. It made sense why school was inexplicably canceled too, even though it just got off of a break. That meant everybody around him, and maybe even himself, would start turning into cows soon and stay like that for who knows how long. Their magic, since it was anti-magic, would go crazy too, not more sain. Their big anti-wand would probably be turned off, and then they'll be forced to stay home.

The thought of being stuck in his house with his family made Anti-Cosmo feel much more sick than any anti-illness could ever get him to be. Of course, anti-fairies couldn't be contagious, only the fairies could be, but Anti-Binky might be too big of an idiot to realize that. "H-how long has it been going on?" he asked.

"I don't know when it actually started, but it all started to get serious when Jorgen got it, like, four days ago."

Four days. That's enough of a gap for the anti-fairy delay to kick in. Anti-Cosmo's mind was slowly filled with dread for the upcoming misery. That was until an idea popped into his mind. "Jorgen got sick four days ago, but what about Binky?"

"Um, I would guess at about the same time. You know they work together, right?"

"And Cosmo. Is he infected? If so, before or after Binky?"

The fairy sounded confused. "That tiny ticking time bomb of destruction? Why should I know? And why do you care? Are you his opposite or something?"

"Nope. Gotta go. Thanks for the information I guess, and enjoy being sad and alone." Anti-Cosmo twisted his wand to end the transmission. He immediately started flying back toward civilization. "Let's just hope that bag of germs Cosmo got sick later than Binky did. With the element of surprise, health, and knowledge I should be able to take over Anti-Fairy World! Even with weak magic! This is history in the making!"

~~~~~~~~000~~~~~

Anti-Binky was sitting on his throne, thinking. "You know, that anti-bridge was a mistake."

"Why do you say that sir?"

"I don't know. It just feels like anti-fairies are using it willy nilly. Not even for bad luck related things. Back in my day, being able to go to Earth was a privilege, you know? Not just some every day, will of a whim."

Anti-Jorgen nodded. "Moo," he said.

"What?" Anti-Binky looked over to his companion, who was suddenly an awfully thin, blue cow. It was quite weird looking. "Is your Fagiggily Glad going good or something?"

"I-i don't know Sir," Anti-Jorgen said.

Anti-Binky sighed. "Well, it looks like you're sick." Anti-Jorgen sneezed, seemingly confirming that statement. "I don't wanna be around a diseased cow, so," Anti-Binky waved his hand as if to say 'go away'.

"As you wish sir," Anti-Jorgen said. He raised his wand to poof away, but it exploded everything instead. Now covered in ash, Anti-Binky glared at his second in command furiously. "Sorry sir, I'll walk home."

"You'd better." The door closed and Anti-Binky poofed himself clean. "What kind of messed up illness was that anyway? Anti-chicken poofs? Then what's with the explosion?" He groaned. "I hope Binky didn't get it." As if cued, Anti-Binky sneezed too. "Of course he did…" Anti-Fairy World's ruler felt himself turning into a cow and losing the ability to fly. "At least it won't get much wo-"

Before he could even finish his thought, Anti-Cosmo poofed into his castle with his rattle in his hand and a huge smile on his face. "Perfect!" the anti-child exclaimed.

Anti-Binky honestly forgot about Anti-Cosmo, it's been a while after all, but the second he saw him and his recognizable green eyes, he jumped to conclusions immediately. "You did this!"

Anti-Cosmo shook his head. "No, I was just lucky. Now prepare to lose your throne!"

Anti-Binky crossed his hooves and glanced at the baby blue rattle in Anti-Cosmo's hand. "What are you going to moo?"

The anti-child knew that he meant 'do', but that was a fine question. He didn't have enough time to plan. "Well, I can fly, use magic correctly, and so much more. You should hand over the throne nice and easy, before you get your sickly old body hurt." Anti-Cosmo hoped that Anti-Binky was a big enough idiot to realize he didn't have too much of an advantage. Sure, he did have the energy of a child, which was a lot, but his flying abilities and magic were far below average. In fact, his horrible flying was a big reason why he got pathetic magic in the first place. That and illiteracy.

Anti-Binky stared at him unimpressed. He sneezed, then said "that's all? Not even a friend this time?" Anti-Cosmo didn't respond. Rolling his eyes, Anti-Binky raised his wand. It glowed blue, but then poofed up a pile of rocks. "Huh?"

"This thing ruins magic," Anti-Cosmo says as he's lifting up the rocks with his magic. "So chanse #2. Give me the throne."

"No."

Anti-Cosmo grabbed a rock from the floating pile and threw it at his leader. It actually hit. Cows made better targets than anti-fairies, so it wouldn't be too hard to aim.

"Ow! What moo moo think moo're mooing!" The moos were obviously stand-ins for do or you.

"Getting a throne!" Anti-Cosmo threw another rock, and this one hit too.

Anti-Binky was not hard to infuriate, so Anti-Cosmo definitely got him to that point. His eyes glowed a deep angry red, and his wand quickly glowed too. The room got poofed on fire, but Anti-Cosmo didn't really care. It would hardly hurt. He threw another rock, but it missed this time, so he threw three at the anti-fairy cow all at once. They all landed. "Stop it!" Anti-Binky hissed at him.

Anti-Cosmo smiled and threw another rock. "I'll stop when you hand over Anti-Fairy World."

Anti-Binky's wand glowed again, poofing up carrots. "It's not working!" he seethed. Then sneezed.

Anti-Cosmo grabbed a carrot and put it into the fire. "Yeah. Your magic just makes random things, doesn't it? What are you trying to do?"

"Zap moo, wrap moo in iron, poof moo away, or anything like that!"

The carrot made a loud snap as Anti-Cosmo bit a piece off. "Sucks not having good magic, doesn't it?" He threw another rock. "And it looks like you can't do anything without magic…"

"I can get you without magic!" Anti-Binky growled. He tried to grab the anti-child, but he was floating out of reach of the grounded anti-cow.

Getting smugger and smugger by the minute, he threw the rest of the rocks, most of which landed. "Yep. Pretty pathetic. Be a doll and poof up some more rocks for me."

Anti-Binky looked ready to explode with anger. He tried to use magic again out of instinct, but it poofed up some wood instead.

"Ooo, that's better." Anti-Cosmo lifted the wood up to him, he caught that on fire and threw it at Anti-Binky. Anti-Binky tried to throw it back, but Anti-Cosmo dodged it. Being young did have some perks, like being small and agile, so it didn't hit. Anti-Binky started throwing the rocks too and they never hit either. All the while Anti-Cosmo was throwing burning wood and almost always hit.

It would probably look like a pretty stupid battle from an outsider's perspective, since it was basically a petty game of dodgeball with abnormal ball replacements, but it was making Anti-Binky so aggravated, and Anti-Cosmo way too proud of himself. Instinct, once again, caused Anti-Binky to poof up moths, which immediately died in the fire-filled room. Fed up with the faulty magic, Anti-Binky threw his wand at Anti-Cosmo. The young anti fairy immediately dropped everything, making his rattle disappear so he could catch the wand. He barely made it, but he managed to grab the wand midair.

A real wand brimming with anti-magic. His green eyes were practically glowing with excitement. It dawned on Anti-Binky that he messed up. With his magic wand, the most powerful one in Anti-Fairy World, even an idiot could take him over at this point. Anti-Cosmo was well aware of this too. He pointed the wand at Anti-Binky, who had a majority of his anger replaced with fear. Anti-Cosmo laughed evilly. "I told you, you could have just handed over the throne. But no, you make it come down to this."

"Oh, come on, I've been the leader for so long. Surely there'll be mercy…"

Anti-Cosmo scoffed. "Not a chance." The wand started glowing, so Anti-Binky braced for impact. "It wasn't nice knowing moo."

Anti-Binky opened his eyes at the last word. He couldn't believe the perfection of the timing.

The room magically filled with water, which they were once again not affected by since they don't need to breathe. The pressure of the liquid did, however, break the walls of the castle, and flowed out and through the clouds. It also put out all of the fire and washed away the wood and rocks.

Ignoring the rather inconsequential water, Anti-Cosmo looked at the wand in his hands in horror. "No, no, no, no, no… this can't be moo! I was so close!" he cried. He was floating slowly toward the floor. "Stupid Cosmo and his stupid friends' stupid interactions and this stupid disease and stupid, stupid, stupid, stu-" his repetitive words got cut short by a sneeze. He was standing on the floor at this point, looking fully like a blue calf with big, green eyes filled with regret.

Anti-Binky stood over him, with all of the previous fury back, and also all of Anti-Cosmo's previous smugness. "So moo work on a no mercy policy, right? Well, let's see how well that works," Anti-Binky said.

Anti-Cosmo tried to poof away, but it just made flowers appear. Funny how in just a few seconds Anti-Cosmo went from thinking that this was the best plan ever to the worst in existence.

If the fairies were anything to go off of, it would take about ten days for all of the infected anti-fairies, which was a lot, to get back to normal. They did go into quarantine like the fairies, and it was even worse than what Anti-Cosmo imagined. Over a week of living with the torture both Anti-Binky and his mom provided, along with the added torture of not being able to see Anti-Wanda. He was too busy regretting all of his life choices that he didn't hear what was going on in the next room over.

Anti-Binky, who still resembled a cow, entered Anti-Schnozmo's room. The anti-teen was already on edge over the fact that he wasn't a cow like everybody else, since that probably meant that his opposite was doing something stupid, so seeing the leader of his world in his room horrified him. 'This is it,' he thought, knowing full well that Anti-Cosmo recently tried to take over Anti-Fairy World. 'This is when I disappear. Wiped out of existence.' Shaking like a leaf, he closed his eyes and braised for the worst.

"You're Anti-Schnozmo, right? The namby-pamby, small nosed freak of a brother-to-the-green-eyed-freak that can't lie or disobey orders?"

"Y-yes," he said, still braising. He guessed Anti-Binky got that information on him from his mother.

"Good. Your little brother has been a real thorn in my side for a while now. I need you to give him bigger problems to deal with than bugging me."

Anti-Schnozmo opened one eye. "W-what?"

"Ruin his life a little. Hit him where it hurts. You know him well enough, so it shouldn't be too hard. I would ask your mother, but funnily enough, she doesn't know much about what Anti-Cosmo likes. So, you think you can do that for me, your leader? Just make sure you say yes."

Anti-Schnozmo hesitated, but he knew there was nothing much he could really do. "Yes," he mumbled.

"Great, that's just what I like to hear. You're hired. I expect an update every month to make sure the nuisance is gone for good." Anti-Binky started walking out of the anti-teens room, grateful that he'll never have to deal with that close of a call ever again.

Anti-Schnozmo sat on his bed, frozen in fear. "I have to hit him where it hurts?" he repeated to himself. "I have to bring Anti-Wanda into this, don't I?"

Chapter Text

The recess's bell rang and, as always, Ms. Magister poofed Blaine, Dillan, and Maria outside. She used a pixie wand since her wand went missing recently and a replacement wand hadn't arrived yet. Also as always, Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda were completely un-interrupted by the bell.

"You two know you don't have to stay in here, right?" Ms. Magister asked rhetorically.

"There's no point in going out there," complained Anti-Cosmo. "I can't do anything fun because the second one of those elitist patrolling fairies sees a blue suit doing anything even the slightest bit unorthodox, I get shipped right back here with an unwanted dose of dreadful fairy magic. Might as well cut out the middleman and never leave."

"Anti-Blonda told me to stay in here," Anti-Wanda said.

Anti-Cosmo looked at her, intrigued. "Really? Why? She knows I'm here too, right?"

Anti-Wanda shrugged. "I dunno why, but it was a looong time ago. The last time I went to recess, somebody poured chocolate milk on me and it was super yucky, then Anti-Blonda told me to stay in here for recess."

"How unfortunate," Anti-Cosmo said. While what he said did sound a little sarcastic, he did mean it, but he didn't mind the story as much as he probably should have. It was a bit hard to feel emotion for a story that he knew full well that if it was regular milk instead of chocolate, Anti-Wanda would have viewed it as a great experience.

The class fell into a silence that was quickly broken by Maria being poofed back into the room. "Maria, how many times do I have to tell you, don't try to leave the playground," she said, parroting what Ms. Magister constantly told her.

Ms. Magister sighed. "You kids, I swear."

The classroom's door swung open, and everybody looked at the door guessing it was the leprechauns, but it actually wasn't. Instead, it was a teenaged anti-fairy. He had pitch-black hair that pulled back into a tight ponytail and wore three layers of coats over his already layered school uniform. Only one of his red eyes were showing, since he was holding the second one. In his other hand, he was holding one of those magical writing devices that people have been calling "pencils". He slouched as he floated with a body that was scrawnier and paler than most anti-fairies. Other than that, he looked pretty normal.

Anti-Wada seemed immediately mesmerized by him.

"Is there an Anti-Wanda in here?" he asked. He had a Brazillian accent.

"Yeah, why?" Ms. Magister asked.

"I was on the way to the nurse's office when I found a hyperventilating anti-fairy who started saying that I was 'the answer' or something and told me to give this pencil to an Anti-Wanda that apparently is in here."

Anti-Cosmo shrugged. "A bit strange, but it sounds like something Anti-Blonda would do. This is Anti-Wan da by the way." He pointed to her as she stared in awe at the new anti-fairy.

"Okay, here you go…" he placed the pencil in front of Anti-Wanda.

She smiled at the boy and giggled. "Hi, I'm Anti-Wanda Anti-Fairywinkle. What's your name?"

"Anti-Juandissimo Anti-Magnifico."

'Anti-Juandissimo,' Anti-Cosmo thought. 'Where have I heard that name before?'

"Do you only have one eye, Anti-Juandissimo?" Anti-Wanda asked.

He shook his head. "No. I got hit with a ball during recess. Don't feel bad, I probably deserved it. I should get going back to the nurse's office."

Anti-Wanda jumped up and floated awfully close to Anti-Juandissimo, smiling wider. "Can I go with you?"

Anti-Juandissimo was obviously weirded out. "Uuuuuuumm… I mean… I don't see why you'd want to but sure…"

"Cool~" Anti-Wanda cooed. The two poofed away together.

Anti-Cosmo was looking at where they were. "What?" He asked. "Why?"

Jumping up and down, Maria laughed. She ran up and hugged Anti-Cosmo, who was still too confused by what just happened with Anti-Wanda to poof out of it. "Maria and Anti-Cosmo recess! Maria and Anti-Cosmo time! Maria and Anti-Cosmo can play Maria and Anti-Cosmo games with Maria and Anti-Cosmo toys."

Anti-Cosmo undistracted himself and poofed out of the hug. "Toys, that's it! That's where I heard that stupid name before! Fairy-Wanda wouldn't shut up about fairy-him when we waited outside of detention because of those plumpet things. Fairy-Wanda must be friends or something with Fairy-Juandissimo."

"I've seen Juandissimo, and Wanda's a teen. It's the 'or something'," Ms. Magister said.

"Well, regardless of what that means, it must be inherent-opposite-magic. So it depends on Wanda really. I'll probably have to sabotage Wanda's friendship."

"Maria and Anti-Cosmo can work together. What's gonna work? Teamwork!"

"I don't need your help," Anti-Cosmo said. "I won't have anybody helping me when I take over Anti-Fairy World; I don't need anybody's help now. Besides, how can a forest elf help me? At least North Pole elves have Christmas magic or something."

Maria didn't respond. She just giggled. Seeing nothing better to do, Anti-Cosmo poofed away to try and reclaim his friend.

"It's an outrage!" Anti-Cosmo complained. It was a recess again a couple of days later, and Anti-Cosmo was pacing in the air. His arms were crossed and he was glaring at the ground, despite talking to Maria. "I've tried everything and Anti-Wanda is still hanging out with that self-hating stick of an anti-fairy!"

"Why do you care so much? She hangs out with you all day," Blaine asked. He and Dillan were also inside for recess. In fact, all of the usual class members were there besides Anti-Wanda.

Anti-Cosmo scoffed at Blaine's words. "ShE HaNgS oUt WiTh YoU aLl Day," he said in a mocking voice, using a terrible Irish accent. "Hardly. We only see each other during this class! Before school, after school, and during recess is now onion-boy's time with her. That's time I usually spend with her! What am I supposed to do during those times? Talk to others? I'd rather die."

Ms. Magister raised an eyebrow and looked up from her paperwork to see the young anti-fairy. "Onion-boy?"

"It's because he wears thousands of layers of clothing," Anti-Cosmo said. "I hate it. Yeah, I loathe myself as much as the next guy, but appearance is hardly the thing I hate most. Having the audacity to call yourself ugly despite having red eyes. And that pale clammy skin. Anti-fairies moon bath for weeks to try and get a complexion like that. Anti-Blonda thinks I'm a 'bad influence', but he's worse!" His crossed arms gained fists at the end of them as his teeth clenched. "That beguiling, prerogative, dejective ingrate! And such an acolyte! I've threatened him, and all he retorts back with is 'I'll deserve it, I suck, woe is me,'" he fake gagged. "Eminently odious."

"Is that all you did, Mr. Thesaurus?" Ms. Magister asked.

"No. I went to fairy Juandissimo and told him everything terrible about fairy Wanda, which is a lot, and despite all that he claimed that his heart will 'always pine for the sweet pink curls of Wanda's embrace'. Also quite odious. To make things worse, the hideous fairy ripped his shirt off and started monologing about Wanda. I've tried so many other things too and nothing works! I don't know what else I could do."

"Have you ever tried being happy that Anti-Wanda has another friend?" Blaine asked.

Anti-Cosmo rolled his green eyes at the suggestion. "Yuck. As if. I don't have any other friends and never will, so she doesn't need any either. More friends just get in the way. That's why I'm going to take over Anti-Fairy World all by myself."

"Did you know-" Maria said. She didn't continue.

"Did I know what?" Anti-Cosmo asked.

"Maria, if you want something say please," she said.

Anti-Cosmo looked skeptical at the elf. "You expect me to go up nicely to Anti-Juandissimo and say please?"

Clapping, Maria laughed. "Anti-Cosmo said please! Anti-Cosmo want together! Charm charm charming! Yes please!"

He tilted his head. "Huh?"

"Maria and Anti-Cosmo help!" Maria jumped up and ran to her backpack, then pulled out an old-looking book. Running back to where Anti-Cosmo was, she flipped it to the right page and showed it to him. "Charm charm charming charm charming! Yes, yes please says Anti-Cosmo!"

Anti-Cosmo stared blankly at the book. "Um, you know I can't read right?"

"Anti-Cosmo says yes," Maria told him.

"No," Anti-Cosmo said. "I'm not going to blindly agree to something."

For a second of silence, Maria just stared at him. She handed him the book, which he started holding, staring at it, trying fruitlessly to distinguish letter from letter and word from word. As said, it wasn't successful.

The elf started running around the class, giggling, until she got back to her backpack. She picked it up and headed back to the anti-fairy. "Maria helps Anti-Cosmo," she said. From her backpack, she pulled Ms. Magister's original wand.

"Hey, it cost good money to replace that," Ms. Magister said. "What are you even-" Before the teacher could finish, Maria and Anti-Cosmo poofed away.

They reappeared in the forest, Anti-Cosmo coughing from the magic. "Where'd you poof me too. I didn't consent to this. I have to get back to school or else… I don't know, something might happen. Anti-Schnozmo will probably cry. I don't know why, or even how, but he's been acting weirder than usual recently."

"Okay, Anti-Cosmo will stop talking now and read Anti-Cosmo recipe," Maria told him.

"Wow, so demanding." He put the book on the floor. "And I can't do either anyway. Too illiterate and talkative. You've got the opposite problem, so why don't you read it?"

Maria just stared at the floor for a while. Taking advantage of the silence, Anti-Cosmo looked around to pinpoint his location. It was definitely Earth, he could feel the dirt when placing the book, but where on Earth was the question. Earth basically all looked the same to him. It would take ages to find the anti-bridge, so Maria and her fairy wand was basically his only chance of returning home any time soon. 'Just great,' he thought sarcastically. 'How can she even use fairy magic in the first place? She's an elf, and a forest elf at that. All they can do is…' "Oh, it's a book of charms, isn't it."

"Charm charm charming charm."

"You want me to use a charming charm to get rid of Anti-Juandissimo? And by charming, you mean 'pleasant or attractive', right?"

Maria nodded, giggling. "Say yes please."

"No," Anti-Cosmo said. "That'll never work. Only dark elf charms work on anti-fairies, and you aren't a dark elf. At least, I don't think you are. This book definitely isn't a dark elf book though, so it's still useless."

Maria started tapping the book on the floor. "Anti-Cosmo charm. Anti-Cosmo charming charm."

"I'm an Anti-Fairy, the charm won't work on me either. I'd have to give it to Cosmo to make any change." Anti-Cosmo tapped his chin in thought. "That actually isn't half bad of an idea…" he shook the thought out of his head. "No, charms almost always have negative side effects that make it largely not worth it. I don't want to deal with that, and Cosmo is too smart to just let me charm him."

"No." Maria flipped the book upside down and pointed at it. "Anti-Cosmo charm, not for Anti-Cosmo."

"If it's not for me, is it for Anti-Wanda? If I don't want to give myself negative side effects, I definitely don't want to give her any. Anti-Juandissimo on the other hand, I don't care about him or Juandissimo."

Jumping up and down, Maria smiled. "Yes, yes, now Anti-Cosmo charm!"

"But if I give a charming charm to Juandissimo, it would make him look and act better according to fairy standards. Anti-Juandissimo will become irresistible to anti-fairies, so it's the opposite of what I want." Anti-Cosmo didn't get anything useful out of Maria in response, she just kept jumping. He looked to the, now upside down, book and realized what Maria was trying to say this whole time. "You want me to make the charm's ingredients their opposites, so we can make an anti-charming charm and give that to Juandissimo. In turn, it'll make Anti-Juandissimo the bad kind of revolting, and Anti-Wanda won't like him at all anymore!" as he talked through the plan, it made him more excited. "And it won't even affect me because Juandissmo and his opposite don't matter to me and mine at all! All it'll do is ruin Wanda's friendship, and strengthen mine and Anti-Wanda's! This plan is amazing!"

Maria laughed. "Amazing, amazing! Maria is amazing!" She flipped the book over and started reading the ingredients one by one. Anti-fairies have a knack for knowing the exact opposite of anything, so he reverses each ingredient and tells Maria the new one. Forest elves also have a knack, but it's for finding anything in a forest. Maria runs away and poofs back with the correct amount of that new anti-ingredient. It was a fairly efficient way of making the anti-charm.

Back in the spellementary school, Anti-Wanda poofed into the room and looked around. "Where's Anti-Cosmo?"

"You know two other people are missing too, right?" Blaine asked.

"Really? Who? Where'd they all go?"

Blaine rolled his eyes and got back to his task. Since he didn't help much, Anti-Wanda asked Dillan the same thing. He just kind of smiled and shrugged. There wasn't much else he could do.

"It's still recess," Blaine said. "Why don't you go hang out with your other anti-fairy buddy?"

Anti-Wanda sighed. "I dunno… It just kinda feels different. I don't like how sad he is all the time. And he doesn't explain stuff real good. I don't really want to be his friend anymore."

The blind leprechaun smiled a little. "Oh, the irony. It's like a play."

"Huh?" Anti-Wanda questioned. The leprechauns didn't elaborate.

What caught her attention next was Ms. Maister poofing in with a random pixie. "So the suit trackers are useless because they suck, not because they made it down to Earth. She's an elf for Pete sake, she can't just poof to Earth. Use your fancy boring magic to actually find them." The pixie nodded, then started using his wand like a metal detector.

"Ms. Magister, where's Anti-Cosmo?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"With that thief that's going to get me fired."

"What do you mean?" Anti-Wanda asked, but she didn't get a reply.

"This is great!" Anti-Cosmo said. He was holding the newly finished anti-charming charm, not worried about being charmed himself because A. he's an anti-fairy, and B. Maria would have to say magic words to activate it.

"Great, great!" Maria smiled. She raised the wand, then looked at Anti-Cosmo. "Fairy World, yes please?"

Bracing himself for the fairy magic, he said "yes please." He's never really liked saying please, or saw the point in it, but Maria seemed to like it, so he might as well.

With that, the two poofed away to Juandissimo's house. The time they spent on Earth was long enough for school to finish. Lucky for them, Juandissimo takes a beauty nap every day after he gets home, and he sleeps like a rock. His slumber wasn't bothered in the slightest as an elf and anti-fairy poofed in with their own wands, or as they talked rather loudly.

Anti-Cosmo had a huge grin on his face as he floated over the slumbering fairy. The charm got placed onto Juandissimo, making it glow. All that was left now was an elf saying the magic words and the charm would be binded to him forever. Or until the same elf that charmed him uncharms him, but Maria had no intention of undoing it. "This will teach Anti-Juandissimo," Anti-Cosmo said. "What a great plan."

Maria laughed. "Yes yes, what a great Maria plan. Maria and Anti-Cosmo are best friends."

"Wait, what?" Anti-Cosmo questioned. Best friends. Anti-Cosmo never considered anybody but Anti-Wanda to be even a friend, let alone a best one. Two friends? Anti-Cosmo started thinking 'is Maria my friend? We did spend all day together' That led him to thinking about what Blaine said. 'Have you ever tried being happy that Anti-Wanda has another friend?'

"Maria say words now?" Maria asked, breaking Anti-Cosmo out of his thoughts.

"The definition of friend is strange, don't you think so?" Anti-Cosmo felt Maria's yellow eyes staring at him. It was making the silence deafening. "Like, you know, it's proper definition is just 'a person one knows and likes', but based on how fiction presents it, the connotations seem deeper, don't they?" More silence and staring. "I'm not being a hypocrite, am I?"

Maria laughed. "Hypocrite," she said. She wasn't trying to call Anti-Cosmo a hypocrite, she just liked the word because it reminds her of Santa Clause. Naturally, the anti-fairy didn't see it that way.

He glanced down at Juandissimo, a fairy he had only met out of jealousy... out of revenge. And for what? Sighing, he grabbed the charm off of the fairy. "It's not worth it. I guess I should say thanks for the help though."

Maria tilted her head in confusion. "Maria say words now? Yes or no?"

"No. You should get back to the school. Somebody is probably looking for you."

Anti-Cosmo was looking at the floor, floating lower than normal. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Maria hold out the wand as if to say 'want to come with me?'

"You can just poof yourself. Fairy magic, you know?" he said.

Fairy magic was the least of his problems, but Maria was bad at catching social cues so she thought nothing of it and poofed away. Now, being alone, Anti-Cosmo floated down to sit on the floor and hung his head backward. "What am I doing? I hate Fairy World, and I'm barely even allowed to come here. Do I honestly hate your opposite that much?" He was talking to the still-dead-asleep Juandissimo so he didn't feel like a crazy person talking to himself. It wasn't much better honestly.

Juandissimo responded in snores. Moving his head to be on his knees, Anti-Cosmo sighed again. "When did I become so codependent? You don't know this, since you hardly know me, but it wasn't always like this. I used to not care about being replaced. But then Anti-Wanda came along and just inserted herself into my life to ruin it. And I fell for it like an idiot. I can't have happiness; every time I do it just gets used to make the lows seem worse and worse. I shouldn't feel guilty if I ruin a small part of Anti-Wanda's life to try and make mine better again, she did it first. But I do. It's all her fault, and Maria's fault, and friendship's fault! Why can't I just live without attachments to anything? I know I shouldn't get attached to anything because mother's right and life sucks and I won't accomplish anything in life because I'm pathetic and useless and she deserves better than me and anything is better than me and-and… and" While talking he closed his eyes, and was closing them tighter and tighter as he continued. A sudden knock at the door made his eyes shoot open to be bombarded with bright colors. All that he could think was 'still in Fairy World! Not good!' He jumped into the air, quickly wiped around his eyes, and started fumbling with his wand.

"Juandissimo," the voice from outside said. It sounded familiar to Anti-Cosmo, familiar enough for him not to poof away, but it was too muffled by the door to pinpoint exactly who it was from. "I can kind of hear you and what you're saying. I just wanted to let you know that it's not true. Nobody is worthless, even you." Anti-Cosmo floated closer to the door. "I know we broke up, and I'm the last person you want to hear from right now, but life isn't all bad. You'll find happiness again with somebody else, I promise."

"But I don't want to find it again," Anti-Cosmo replied.

"Wait, what?" the voice said. "You're not-" the door opened, revealing to Anti-Cosmo that Wanda was behind the door. "What the hell! What are you doing here!" her eyes shifted to beside him. "What did you do to Juandissimo?!" she went to the sleeping fairy's side just to see that he was, in deed, just asleep.

"Nothing," Anti-Cosmo said. "He was like this when I got here. Granted, he can sleep through bloody anything. It's a bit alarming. As for why I'm here, an elf and I were going to charm him into being hideous so you'd hate him."

"Why?!"

"As if I'd tell you. Anyway, you're welcome. I didn't charm him. You can keep your attention consuming best friend all you want."

"Best friend?" Wanda questioned. "We aren't friends, we just broke up! I was coming over to drop off all 20 of his hairbrushes that he left in my house when I heard you crying like a baby in somebody else's home."

"Stop accusing me of crying, Fairy."

"Then stop crying, Anti-Fairy."

"No, you stop being the exact opposite of someone remarkable."

Groaning, Wanda rolled her eyes. She started floating away. "Wait where are you going? I'm not done insulting you," Anti-Cosmo said.

"I'm going to Bunsen Creamery to meet with my miserable friends. No anti-fairies allowed. They still remember you from last time." With that, she left.

Bunsen Creamery was the place Cosmo poofed him a couple of years ago. It was actually the first time he'd met Wanda too. While raising his wand to poof away, he got an idea. "You know what, I'll show her. I'll give her a friend then she'll know what it feels like to have happiness just so it'll be ripped away! Or at least he will!" He started poofing his small distances, but not in the direction of Anti-Fairy World.

Cosmo was in his room, humming the elevator music that was stuck in his head, when he was interrupted by someone outside his window whispering 'Cosmo'. The fairy hopped up into the air. "Schnozmo, your back!" He exclaimed. With a quick poof, he was outside to see his caller was not his brother, but instead his opposite. For some reason, this made Cosmo smile wider. "Not-me! It's been so long!"

"Yeah, it's been like a ye-" Anti-Cosmo started, but he stopped as Cosmo hugged him. Never before in his life did he ever want to die as much as he did in that moment. Gagging, he poofed out of the hug in record time. "You're making me regret everything," he hissed.

"Regret? What's that?"

Anti-Cosmo sighed. The less time he spent with his opposite the better, so he carried on. "I need you to go to Bunsen Creamery. There's a girl fairy there with pink eyes and hair. Get her attention. Befriend her. Make her latch onto you like a leach."

"Okay!"

Anti-Cosmo raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Aren't you curious as to why I'm asking you to do this?"

"No."

"Well, it's to ruin her and/or your life."

"Okay."

'That genius sees right through me, doesn't he?' Anti-Cosmo thought. He knew full well that was hardly the reason he was doing this. Any anti-fairy worth their spilt salt had tried to ruin a fairy's life, but trying to make a fairy happy in a desperate attempt to make themselves happy is unheard of. He'd be a bigger freak than he already is. "Please don't tell anybody about this," he said.

"You got it, not-me! What ice cream flavor do you want me to get you?"

"I don't-"

Cosmo laughed, cutting him off. "You're right, what a silly question. Of course, you'd want our favorite: bacon flavored! I'll get you one!" He poofed away in a cloud of smoke saying 'ice cream'.

Anti-Cosmo shook his head. "This was stupid. Why'd I even try…" he started poofing himself back home little by little.

Cosmo appeared in one of his favorite ice cream parlors.

The furry blue creature working behind the counter immediately recognized him. "Cosmo! The usual?"

"Yep! And something else too…" Cosmo fought for a second, already forgetting what Anti-Cosmo 'wanted'. "It was… uh… pink?"

"We've got pink milkshakes," the worker said. "Want that?" Cosmo nodded. "Coming right up!" And since it was a magical creamery, it literally came right up within seconds, the creature pulling the order out of his hair. Cosmo happily took his order, said thanks, and started floating to a table, not even waiting to start devouring his ice cream.

As he floated, something caught his eye. At a table in front of him sat an honestly pretty bored looking fairy and her friends, but that fairy had the swirliest, pinkest hair he'd ever laid eyes on. It took all of his attention, so he didn't even realize how close he was getting, or how low he was flying.

His foot hit a loose tile, causing him to trip and stumble into the pink-haired fairy's lap. The milkshake flew out of his hand and spilled all over the table and the fairies at it.

Cosmo started flying again, licking some of the shake off of his arms. "Woops, sorry."

Three of the four fairy girls glared at him, as the fourth one giggled. "What were you thinking! This shirt is brand new!" One girl hissed.

"You ruined our day," another whined.

"Jorgen says that I'm never thinking," Cosmo said. This comment made the one girl laugh harder. "And your day's not ruined; getting a milkshake spilled on you is the best! Not only do you get to eat some, but you get a fun game of 'find the milkshake'!" He started licking his arm again. "Plus, you get a bath."

Most of the girls gagged in disgust, poofing themselves clean, but the laughing one didn't. She looked at Cosmo with her big pink eyes. "You're cute," she said.

Cosmo smiled. "Thank you. My mom likes to tell me to be glad that I'm cute whenever I'm in trouble. Is this like that?"

The girl laughed again. "No, you're just cute." She held out her milkshake covered hand. "I'm Wanda."

"My name is Cosmo."

Anti-Cosmo poofed into his house to be greeted by a poof. Assuming it was Anti-Schnozmo going to complain about him ditching school, Anti-Cosmo started floating past it, ignoring it.

"I found you~" The poofer said.

Anti-Cosmo looked to the poof. "Anti-Wanda?"

She nodded. "After you left school, I looked all over for you. It was really hard, 'cause nobody is real helpful like you are, but I got Anti-Blonda to bring me here. And I looked everywhere. I asked your brother, but he kept trying to poof me out of the house, so I stopped trying to talk to him. But then I was in your room and I found a lot of cool stuff, but still not you. I started to think 'I wish I had one of them Earth creatures that smell good, like with their noses'. But then, I thought 'hey, I have a nose.' So I started being the Earth creature and smelling the ground to find you. The only problem was everything smelt the same and I never made it out of your room, but I heard a poof and came here, and here was you! So, what were you doing? Was it fun?"

Anti-Cosmo floated there, speechless. "Y-you did all that to find me? What about Anti-Juandissimo?"

"He was fun for a bit, but then he was too sad. I like you more."

"I… I'm happy in your standards?"

Anti-Wanda tilted her head slightly. "Huh?"

"Nothing. Sorry I left school. Do you want to hear about my daring adventure to Earth and Fairy World?"

Her pink eyes glistened with excitement. "More than anything!"

Chapter Text

The class was absolutely quiet as Maria stood in the front, holding a single green leaf.

"You know it's called show and tell, right? Most people say a thing or two about their item," Ms. Magister mumbled.

Maria still didn't say anything, she just retook her place on the carpet between Anti-Cosmo and Blaine.

With a sigh, Ms Magister waved her hand dismissively. "Fine, whatever, you get an A anyway so great job I guess. Blaine, your turn."

As the leprechaun walked up to the front of the class, Anti-Cosmo couldn't help but smile. Not because Blaine, he couldn't care less about the luck twin, he was just was excited to show off his item for show and tell. Behind him was a giant white box that was a pain to convince Anti-Schnozmo to poof to school, but it would be all worth it when it was his turn. Unfortunately for him, his teacher saw the massive box and the eagerness all over her most troublesome student's face and immediately thought 'I don't get paid nearly enough for this.' He was going to be picked to go up last no matter what, and Anti-Cosmo knew that, but with only five students and plenty of time left in the school day he wasn't worried about not being able to show off his super cool show and tell.

"What did you bring in?" Anti-Wanda asked. She didn't care much about Blaine and the picture he brought in of him and his new fairy puppy, Zippy, either.

"I'd hate to ruin the surprise. You'll have to wait until I get to enact in the pleasure of our demonstrating and expositing exercise."

"Huh?"

"I'm going to show and tell so much everyone else here would wish they were disintegrated~"

"Wooaahh, cool!~"

Ignoring the anti-fairies as best he could, which wasn't that easy - they didn't even try to whisper as they blatantly interrupted his presentation, Blaine just kept talking about how they have a professional trainer volunteering to teach Zippy how to be a guide dog. When he eventually finished the presentation, it was obvious that Dillan was the only one even trying to focus on what he was saying, despite already knowing everything that his brother was talking about.

"I knew a fairy dog once," Ms. Magister said. "Gotta say, he was the literal worst. Do with that information what you will. Anyway, you get an A too, shocking, I know. Anti-Wanda, you're up next."

"Ooo yay! I brought in my papa's new cleaning thing~" Anti-Wanda cooed. Blaine was used to Show and Tells going this terribly so he just quietly swapped places with Anti-Wanda.

The second she got to the front, she started showing off a bottle of a new anti-fairy sanitizer. "He said it was full of pneumonia or something. And because two cleaning thingamajigs are better than zero, I put that goopy stuff that makes white things whiter in there and shook it up!" Anti-Wanda threw the chemical concoction into her mouth and started eating it, bottle and all. "Mmm~ Yummy~"

"Does it taste like mustard?" Anti-Cosmo asked half sarcastically.

"It does!"

Ms. Magister sighed. "Anti-Wanda sit back down. I can't believe I have to tell you this, but for future reference, maybe don't bring deadly chemicals to school."

"Awe… but it tastes so good."

Anti-Cosmo shrugged as his friend poofed back to his side on the carpet. "Ms. Teacher never said you had to stop eating it, just don't bring it to school."

"Oh yeah, you're right~"

Rolling her eyes at the anti-fairies, Ms. Magister pointed to Dillan. "You're up."

With a smile and nod he did like all the other students and went to the front of the room. Oddly enough, Dillan wasn't wearing a leprechaun's usual small bright green floating buckled hat, but instead a big green striped black top hat that actually sat on top of his curly hair instead of above it. He was hearing this long black coat with green stripes going down the side to match his hat over his uniform. He had a bowtie on instead of the school mandated ties. It was odd, but the class didn't really question it.

Holding out his hand, Dillan motioned for Blaine to join him, tapping his foot on the floor as he did. Blaine obviously couldn't see what Dillan was doing, but he took the hand anyway and went up with him.

"Hey, isn't that against the rules? It should be that only one person presents at a time, luck boy #2 already had his time up there."

"Anti-Cosmo, it's show and tell. It's not that important," Magister mumbled. "Do you want me to make more sarcastic comments about how you can literally do anything up here and get an A or do you get that it's meaningless?"

"I know it's meaningless, but I want to ruin Leprechaun #1's clearly rehearsed show with facts and logic."

Blaine sighed. "Have you ever tried not being the literal worst? For at least one day?"

Nodding, Anti-Cosmo smiled. "I did. It was almost two years ago now, but you were there for it. It was miserable, I wouldn't recommend it. Have any other comments I can destroy with facts and logic?"

Blaine just looked to Ms. Magister for help. Begrudgingly she sighed. "Anti-Cosmo, if you want there to be time for your show and tell you should probably stop."

"Fine. The faster this is over with the better anyway."

Ms Magister poofed up a table in front of Dillan. Usually he'd put his show and tell item down and use both his hands for signing the tell part of it, but that didn't happen. Instead, Dillan held out this piece of white paper cut out to be the shape of a 2D magic wand to Maria. She just started at it silently, not taking the hint and grabbing it, so Anti-Wanda was handed the paper wand instead. "How fancy. Look at this~" She handed it to Anti-Cosmo, who happily took it from her and inspected it best he could.

"Paper? What are we supposed to do with this?"

Smiling, Dillan nodded and winked at Anti-Cosmo. He took his hat off his head, showing the empty insides of it to the three kids in front of him. Anti-Cosmo tilted his head, baffled by what the kid could possibly be planning.

Next, Dillan flipped the hat around a few times until the hat was upside down and put it onto the table. Taking the floppy paper wand back from Anti-Cosmo, Dillan knocked on the table three times, signaling to his brother that it was his cue.

"Oh Fairy God Brother, I wish I had a rabbit!" Blaine said.

With a thumbs up, Dillan tapped his paper wand onto the hat's brim, making a 'Peew' sound with his mouth. Reaching in, he pulled a stuffed rabbit toy out of the hat.

Anti-Cosmo jumped into the air in astonishment. "W-what!? How!? Leprechauns can't do that!"

Anti-Wanda tilted her head. "I don't get it…"

Ignoring the anti-fairies, Dillan handed the rabbit to his brother and put the hat back onto his head, somehow leaving a black plate on the table that wasn't there before. Blane feigned excitement. "Wow, it's what I always wanted~ Thanks Fairy God Brother. Now I wish-" He pulled three gold coins from his pocket. "For more gold coins~"

The coins were dropped on the plate as Dillan gave a thumbs up. Putting his paper wand behind his ear, Dillan rubbed his hands together, showing they were empty. Then he put a new plate on top of it, turning it three times. With one hand holding the plates together, his free hand regrabbed his fake wand, pointing it prop, and he made a 'peew' sound again, and miraculously opened the plate to show six coins. He pointed to each one for visual effect.

"Only genie magic can wish for money. If your show and tell item is just a random genie this is the most brainless way to showcase that" Anti-Cosmo flew up to the table and started looking for the lamp or the genie hiding.

"It's not genie magic," Blaine said, "it's Scanlan magic. And I wish for one more coin."

"Pew~" Another flick of the paper wand, but this time Dillan reached behind Anti-Cosmo's pointy ear and pulled out a seventh gold coin, which he dropped on the plate, then put his hand in his pocket.

"Actually, I wish for one more, just to make it four wishes to prove someone wrong."

"Pew~~" And again, Dillan reached behind Maria's ear this time and made a new coin appear in his previously empty fingers.

That made Anti-Wanda's pink eyes sparkle "Ooo ear gold, my favorite! Why didn't you tell me y'all're keeping gold in your ears? I wanna do that too."

Anti-Cosmo floated backwards a bit from the twins. "Because we don't. At least I don't. What are you two doing? It's not fairy magic, nor genie, and """Scanlan""" magic isn't real. Naming a type of magic after your last name is stupid. Do you have a pixie working for you or something?"

"Don't you think you'd be hearing poofs and seeing gray clouds everywhere if it was?" Blaine asked.

"Well, you must be suppressing it somehow."

"How? With Scanlan magic?"

"Shut up, it's not that!"

As Blaine and Anti-Cosmo bickered, Dillan was rolling up his paper wand, putting it into his palm. With a quick blow of air, the paper wand vanished. 'And that was my show and sign. Thank you,' he signed off. He just started heading back to his seat, but a blue poof brought him to the front of the class again.

"Hey, you're supposed to tell about what you show," the anti-fairy hissed.

"No- there's literally no rules here, and you are not the boss of us," Blaine argued.

"I will be eventually."

Dillan jumped between Anti-Cosmo and his brother with an audible thud, hoping it'd get them both to stop arguing. 'If you really want I can redo everything.'

Anti-Cosmo stared blankly at Dillan then looked to Ms. Magister. Sighing, she translated. "He said he'd redo it for you."

"Redo it?... Yeah, okay. This time I'll be looking for your tricks and magic cloud suppressing devices and I'll expose your Scanlan magic for the fabrication that it is!"

"I can't believe we're doing this… but if Dillan really wants to then fine," Blaine muttered. "I wish I had only three coins again."

With a nod from his brother, the plates flipped, and coins poured into Dillan's hand. He then dropped three into Blaine's outreached palm one at a time.

"I also wish my rabbit was gone." He handed over the rabbit toy, and with a spin it disappeared.

From there, the leprechauns went through more or less the same motions. Blaine put on a smile, made wishes, and feigned excitement in the exact same way, it was a bit eerie how exact he replicated all his parts. Dillan on the other hand didn't quite do the same. His paper wand was gone and he didn't make pew sounds, instead he snapped and to show the 'magic' being done.

After a golden coin was pulled from behind an ecstatic Anti-Wanda's ear, Dillan signed 'The end' with Ms. Magister repeating it.

Anti-Cosmo narrowed his eyes. He didn't see or hear anything genuinely magic esk, but yet, things kept appearing. It made no sense. "No it's not, do it again."

"This is insane," Blaine complained. "If you want us to keep doing the same thing over and over it's not going to end differently you know?"

"That's what they say about challenging Anti-Binky and I keep getting better at that. I'm not going to let you win, leprechaun."

'Okey dokey, again it is.'

And again, the two did the same things to undo everything, and repeated the whole process. And again, Anti-Cosmo had no clue what their magic was. So they repeated it again. And again. And again and again and again.

Something odd that the anti-fairy noticed was that no matter how casual Dillan started getting with the showman bits, he still always did the exact same movements for flipping his hat and grabbing coins ears. With the plate flipping, it was always three flips to add coins, one to make them disappear. That was until Dillan got tired of repetitions and only flipped it one time for both. Something else odd is that, like the paper wand, Anti-Cosmo was given the top hat, fake rabbit, and coins to double check legitimacy when asked, but Blaine said that the plates used were made of horseshoes and are untouchable by anti-fairies. Everything had to add up somehow. He couldn't be bested by leprechauns- he would never be able to live that down.

'The end. Again. Give up yet?'

"No."

'This feels like an unstoppable force hitting an immovable object'

Blaine reached for his brother's hand to get his attention, which started reading his lips instead of Anti-Cosmo's. "We've done this 12 times now. If you haven't gotten it at this point, I don't think you ever will. Even if you don't quit, we do."

With a shrug, Dillan seemed to agree. They started grabbing their show and tell props. It was over.

All the props, all the movements, all the numbers - they repeated in Anti-Cosmo's mind faster and faster. If he could just be the unstoppable object that actually lived up to its name and blasted through an immovable object then he'd show them. He just needed to break through the stupidity his genius counterpart forces on him. He just needed it to click.

Suddenly, it did.

Anti-Cosmo pointed at Dillan as he headed back to his seat. "I got it! The rabbit was actually in your coat whenever it 'disappears', you slip it into the hat while flippantly flipping it around! Every time you spin you put it back into place. And your 'add and subtract three coins trick' is just you sticking three coins to be stationary at the base of this plate and turning a plate an odd number of times so the coins go in and out of being visible depending on if the glued coins are on the shown plate or on the ceiling! The coin magically manifesting is just you having two extra coins in your sleeve and hidden in your thumb that you move to your fingers when it's time to show off! The plate didn't magically appear, you just hid it behind your hat when nobody was looking and never moved it! It's not magic; it's tricks of angles, manipulation of attention, and making use of how nimble years of sign language has made your fingers! Ha! A 'magic' of mendacity, just like I said from the very beginning!"

The twins stared at Anti-Cosmo in disbelief. "You… actually got it?"

'Wow, good job dude!'

"I don't get it…" Anti-Wanda mumbled.

"Don't worry, the details don't matter, all that matters is that I was right, I was a proper 'immovable object' as you signed, and I finally can show and tell about my magnificent item and make the lot of you r-"

Just then, the bell rang.

Immediately, Maria jumped to her feet and ran out the door, presumably to find her parents. Anti-Wanda was poofed away by her sister nearly immediately too. The leprechauns were the only ones who hesitated, but they knew their parents and new puppy were waiting, so they left the flabbergasted anti-fairy floating there.

'See you tomorrow,' Dillan signed as he left, but it was left untranslated.

Anti-Cosmo was frozen in the air, staring at the ground, silently contemplating his life choices.

Ms. Magister sighed. "I would call that unlucky, but you did kinda make your own bed there."

"... Sometimes I forget just how much I hate it here…"

Chapter Text

"Oh boy, it's time for our class's all-time favorite thing," Ms Magister's voice couldn't possibly be less enthusiastic or more sarcastic as she talked. She was crumpling up a letter she just read that the school obviously gave her.

"Deary me," Anti-Cosmo matched her sarcasm, but also feigned over dramatic excitement, "such enthusiasm must only mean one thing: It's another lovely day where the school forces us against our will to conform with whatever menial thing the normal classes are doing~"

Magister stared at Anti-Cosmo. "Lil genius there, aren't ya? And good on you for practicing your acting, because that's exactly what this week's forced menial thing is. Theater."

Suddenly Blaine's pale eyes lit up. "Wait, like, really? Will we be doing a proper play?"

"Yup. Every year a new class puts on a play for the whole school to enjoy, and this time we get the displeasure of actually being considered a class. The why is beyond me."

The leprechaun twins both smiled. "No way!~" Blaine cooed. It was the first time in his life that he was ever genuinely excited to be at school. Acting, theater, plays - they were his favorite things in the world, aside from his family of course. Every chance they got, the Scanlan family would go see a play, and despite not being able to physically see it, Blaine couldn't get enough of it. Their voices oozed with emotion that he could only assume their faces matched. Best of all, he could even become an actor one day, in spite of his disability and terrible schooling.

Dillan was smiling too, not because he liked theater, it was cool at best, but because he could see how over the moon his brother was. He held Blaine's hand and lightly squeezed it to show the shared anticipation.

"Ooo do we get to choose the play?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Yep," Ms. Magister confirmed.

"Yay! Let's do a play about lava!"

"No, let's do Oedipus Rex! I want the looming idea of secretly killing your father and having children with your mother to be on everyone in the school's minds! People with two hetrogendered parents might think of how they 'love' their mothers more than their fathers and extrapolate that into a mental crisis~" Anti-Cosmo laughed evilly.

Ms Magister rolled her eyes. "It's sad that how little I'm surprised by that being your choice of play…"

"That Rex play sounds fun! I love dinosaurs~" Anti-Wanda said

Maria held her arms up to chest and shook them like claws. "Rawr, T-Rex!" she started biting the air. "Does Maria want to be a T-rex? Yes please!~"

"I wanna be the long neck one!" Anti-Wanda said.

"They're called Brachiosauruses. And despite your clear utter lack of familiarity with Oedipus, I appreciate the enthusiasm."

"Huh?- I thought they were called giraffes."

The more they talked the more Blaine's excitement slowly drained away. He didn't really consider how his one chance of getting acting experience from the school would have to be alongside, of all possible people, Anti-Cosmo. The anti-fairy swarming with enough bad luck for any leprechaun to hate on sight, and the worst possible personality to go along with it.

Bliane put his head in his hand in annoyance. "You know, I hoped I could live my whole life without having to say something like this, but I'm not doing a play about incest."

Anti-Cosmo tisked. "It's not about incest, it's about the dramatic irony and a man bringing his own downfall and being too stupid to piece it all together until it's all too late. A son accidentally marrying and having children with his mother is secondary at best."

"Ms. Magister, can you tell Anti-Cosmo that we're not going to put on a play where incest is 'secondary at best'?"

"I mean, I can tell him that, but I think we both know that it won't stop him."

Blaine sighed. Oh how quickly an anti-fairy can destroy the one thing he had even mild excitement for.

Anti-Cosmo floated boastfully, his hand in the air theatrically. "I will play King Laius, father of Oedipus. I'd be acting out my wildest fantasy~"

"He's not even in the play," Blaine mumbled. He'd seen Oedipus before, with heavy parental guidance. "Why don't you live out your kingly fantasies with Oedipus?"

The green eyed anti-fairy scoffed. "Being 'king' isn't my wildest fantasy, it's an inevitable fact that Anti-Fairy World will be mine one day. No, my wildest fantasy is dying on the side of the road. Oh the splendors of mortality~ And leaving a hypothetical son in the middle of nowhere with stapled feet to die brutally by the hands of hungry wildlife sounds exhilarating as well."

"Can I be the queen?" Anti-Wanda asked

"Hm… You being married to me and us having a child together seems unrealistic, but I guess it's the best option we have. I don't think the school cared at all that we have a measly five students to enact a whole play with."

"Yay~"

Anti-Cosmo pointed to himself "Speaking of only having five students, we will need to be creative and double up on parts. I'll also be director. As future leader of Anti-Fairy World, it'll be the closest thing to occupational conditioning this decrepit den of education can offer me. You all will not only act in my play, but will also act as my loyal Anti-Fairy army."

Blaine groaned. "I hate you so much…"

"Hm." Anti-Cosmo poked Blaine with his rattle. "You're lucky I believe in the right of free speech, Leprechaun. Otherwise you'd be jailed immediately."

"Will you stop that?"

Dillan looked at Anti-Cosmo and signed knowing full well Anti-Cosmo didn't know sign language in the slightest. 'Maybe Blaine should play Oedipus. He's a great actor, and I think he'd enjoy it. You want your loyal subjects happy, right?'

Before Magister could even start translating, Anti-Cosmo twirled his rattle and pointed it at Blaine "You'll be Oedipus by the way, luck boy #2."

"Me? Why?"

"Because, I remember when I first had the misfortune of meeting you, you said how you wanted to be an actor or something. I need a strong lead actor if I really want my audience to have a crisis."

"... you remembered that?"

"Mhm. I remember thinking how useless of a career it was. Anti-Wanda wanting to be an ostrich was more worthwhile than your choice."

Anti-Wanda smiled. "I wanted to be an ostrich? So cool~"

Blaine rolled his eyes "Whatever. Sure, I'll be Oedipus, but only if you let me act the character in whatever way I want."

The young anti-fairy shrugged. "Yeah, fair enough. I can fire you if I really hate your direction though." He moved his rattle to Dillan. "Luck boy #1, you're the prophet. And maybe Oedipus's daughter too."

"You're making Dillan the blind prophet?" Blaine mumbled.

'Ironic,' Dillan signed.

"Yep." He moved his rattle to Maria. "And elf, you're gonna be a T-Rex. I'll work it into the plot."

She started jumping up and down in excitement. "Yes yes! Elf, you're gonna be a T-rex!"

"Will I be a dinosaur queen?" Anti-Wanda asked. "No, wait, I wanna be an ostrich queen!"

"Sure. I can add dirt for you to stick your head into while you die."

"Wow, this'll be the best play ever!"

Blaine sighed. "This'll be the most nonsensical play ever…"

Blaine was right, the thing was utter nonsense.

"Rawr rawr!~ Maria is a Tyrannosaur!" Maria growled, wiggling her T-rex arms. "Riddle or die!"

The kids were on the stage practicing for their big performance in a few weeks. Anti-Cosmo was mostly letting all the actors do whatever they wanted, he only gave notes and corrected things when he felt that it would help his 'don't you secretly want to kill your dad and marry your mom' message. They were also acting out the play in chronological order instead of just following Oedipus talking about past events the whole time.

Blaine knew the story of Oedipus enough to know that it was supposed to be a sphinx, not a T-rex. He also knew enough about just general logic to know that a T-rex had absolutely no place in a human play, seeing as humans didn't even figure out dinosaurs existed yet. Regardless, Blaine knew how to improvise. "If I answer your riddle, Tyrannosaur, you have to promise to leave this place be."

Maria just giggled in response.

"Okay, what's your riddle?"

"Leg leg leg leg, leg leg, leg leg leg~" She giggled some more "Is that right, T-rex?"

Blaine nodded, as if he understood the 'riddle'. "A human." The old adage of 'the show must go on' was pulling a lot of weight.

Maria giggled and shook her hands in excitement. "Say oh no and die!~" She spun around and ran off the stage, jumping into the aisle between the empty chairs, then fell to the ground.

The young elf was small enough that her footsteps didn't make much noise, so Blaine stood there in silence for a second. "... um… did she die?" Blaine's normal talking voice was audibly different from his Oedipus voice. Not that he was doing an impression or anything, but as Oedipus he spoke with grandeur and ego that he didn't have in real life.

Anti-Cosmo was floating in front of the stage holding a useless clipboard. Occasionally he would write something down on the clipboard, but considering he didn't know how to read or write, it was just scribbles. He glanced down at the brightly colored elf laying motionless on the floor then looked back at Blaine. "Yeah, she died."

"Okay." Blaine used the fake sword in his hand as a stick to find the opening in their big Wall of Thebes prop to walk through and join Dillan and Anti-Wanda on the other side. He walked proudly, giving Oedipus bonds of confidence in his stride that Blaine never had. He went back to using his Oedipus way of speaking. "I have slayed the evil dinosaur that was terrorizing your town." He bowed. "Your majesty."

"My hero~" after hearing where her voice was coming from, Blaine quickly and seamlessly slightly adjusted his position to face Anti-Wanda. "My husband just disappeared like a week ago, so let's get married~ Oh, and hold out your hand." Blaine did and Anti-Wanda put a giant fake ostrich egg into it. "I laid it just for you~"

"Oh Jocasta, what an honor."

As stupid and haphazardly rewritten as their play was, Blaine would be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying himself. Pretending to be a powerful hero with perfect vision was fun, and starting off his role in the play with pretending to kill Anti-Cosmo was always kind of therapeutic no matter how many times they re-rehearsed it. Even his classmates random insertions were charming in a way. Sure, it was a horrible retelling of the play, but it was definitely unique.

In fact, it seemed like all the kids were enjoying themselves. This was the most fun any of them have had in class. Ms Magister on the other hand was just as uninterested in the play as she is in class. It didn't matter much though, Anti-Cosmo was taking his self-appointed role as director genuinely kind of seriously, so a teacher wasn't needed for anything besides adult supervision and sign language translating.

Eventually, the practice play continued, just like the real play it showed Oedipus go from on top of the world as the new King of the thriving city of Thebes with a loving wife and kids. He thought he outplayed fate and avoided his prophecy that said he'd kill his own father. Only for his perfect world to slowly get crushed as his city turns to shambles, and he unravels the truth about his childhood and family.

Anti-Cosmo poofed a retractable prop knife into Blaine's hand. He was standing in the center of the stage near the front and Anti-Cosmo was still floating above where the audience would be. "Okay, in this scene, you have come to understand that your world is a lie and everything sucks. I need you to really sell your grief to the currently imaginary audience. Make them cry~"

Dillan, Maria, and Anti-Wanda acted as a sort of audience. Their characters weren't in the scene, so they were just sitting at the back of the stage, some paying more attention than others.

"I-I've done the unspeakable. The very things I swore to avoid-" Blaine started slowly walking forward for emphasis as he talked. His voice was somber and melancholic.

Ms. Magister went from boredly barely watching the actor, to intently watching him when she noticed something all the kids were seemingly too distracted to see. "Blaine, you should probably stop…"

The young leprechaun was too engrossed in his monologue to pay much mind to his teacher. "I insulted the Gods and destroyed everything I once held dear. I know what must be d-" As Blaine spoke and stepped forward, there suddenly wasn't a floor underneath his foot.

He reached the end of the stage.

To go from a step with bounds of confidence to suddenly being overwhelmed with fear he began plummeting an unknown distance was jarring to say the least. How high was the stage? Was the ground below him concrete or carpet? Were any of the magical beings in the room going to stop the fall?

Luckily for Blaine, just before he hit the ground a pink wind surrounded him and gently stopped his fall, rotating him to be standing on his feet right in front of the stage. The young leprechaun stood motionlessly, staring blankly ahead. Everything was so quiet.

"You okay?" Ms. Magister asked.

"I… I quit…"

"What?" Anti-Cosmo questioned. He floated lower to be closer to Blaine. "You don't have to just gi-"

"Stop, I don't want to hear it, Anti-Cosmo. And I don't want to be in this stupid play anymore. I never even wanted to be in your weird scheme to begin with." He glanced to where he knew his teacher was standing. "I just want to go back to our class and be alone."

Ms. Magister shrugged and lifted her wand. "Yeah, okay sure…" With a pink poof he vanished.

"Hey, you can't just poof out of my show like that!" Anti-Cosmo poofed away too, dropping his clipboard. He didn't poof back to the class, his magic was too weak to do that, but he was getting there.

It didn't take long for the other students in the back to register what just happened and run/ poof to the edge of the stage. Dillan, Anti-Wanda, and Maria all looked concerned.

'Where did he go?'

"What happened?"

"Are you okay? Yes or no?"

Magister looked between the three students. "Don't worry," She said, signing as she was talking. "Trust me, he'll be fine. Just give it a few minutes."

'You think Anti-Cosmo will help him?' Dillan signed.

Ms Magister shrugged. 'Kinda.'

After thinking for a second, the young leprechaun nodded. 'Yeah, okay'

Anti-Cosmo finally poofed into the classroom. "Are you really quitting the show?"

"I said I wanted to be alone you know," Blaine hissed. He was sitting with his knees to his chest in the area him and Dillan usually sat during class.

"Wow, actors are as dramatic as they say," Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

Blaine glared at Anti-Cosmo. "Will you shut up? For once? What do you even want?"

"I wanted to let you know that you don't have to worry about falling like that again, I'll do something to the stage to fix it. Haven't decided on what yet though."

Blaine crossed his arms. "I don't care, I'm never going on a stage again. No matter how much I try, I can't act like I'm a 'normal' person, so there's no point in trying."

"Geez, do I sound like this when I start crying over my failures?"

"Will you go away!"

Anti-Cosmo lifted his wand. "Fine, if you really want to quit then go ahead, I'll replace you with a hay bale with buttons sewn on for eyes. It'll save me the effort of walking around in tap shoes."

The Anti-Fairy was about to poof away when Blaine mumbled "Tap shoes? What are you even talking about?"

Anti-Cosmo put down his wand. "Yeah. I noticed how surprised you have trouble locating people unless they're talking, so I was going to put everyone in tap shoes and make Anti-Wanda and I walk instead of float so that way you could easily tell where your fellow thespians are perched at all times."

"You expect me to believe you genuinely were going to do that for my sake? I've met you, Anti-Cosmo, I'm not stupid."

Anti-Cosmo laughed slightly. "Oh you ninny, I do believe you are, in fact, stupid if you think I'd lie about that. Do you really think I desperately want you on my play enough to try and play mind games with you? I genuinely was going to write in tap dance, but my new star Hay-ley doesn't get any benefit from them so I won't after all. I'm telling you because I want it to be overwhelmingly clear that I don't care if you quit or not."

"If you don't care, why would you try to help me? You've never tried to be accommodating to me the whole time I've known you…"

"Because unlike before, I'm the director and you're the actor. That means you're my loyal subject, and you were struggling. I have no qualms towards laughing at the misfortune of and cheating against my enemies, but when I rule over someone I intend to make it fair. Every subject's wants and needs will be considered and accommodated as much as I find reasonable, even if they're revolting leprechauns."

Blaine rolled his eyes, still not believing him. At least the conversation was distracting him from his feelings. "If you really care about my 'wants and needs' then why are we still doing Oedipus instead of literally any other play?"

"I never said I cared about your wants and needs, I'm not a bohemian, I just said they'd be considered and accommodated. I did consider your complaints, but it's my play, and traumatizing the entire non-adopted population of the school sounds delightful. Your only accommodation is being able to partake in my ground breaking directorial debut without me trying to poof you into a vat of snakes."

"Tell me again why I should believe that you're actually trying to do something 'nice' for me?"

"I'd never be nice, that's fairy drivel, I said accommodating. You not realizing the genius of plaguing thousands of innocent minds is because you're too vanilla and too stubborn to see how wondrous it is. Eventually you can see how right I am and change your wrong opinion. But you falling off the stage because leprechauns don't have the fortune of flight and you don't have the ability of working vision are things completely made by happenstance, not personal decisions. I'm not going to make your life harder than it has to be because you were born different from Anti-Wanda and I or because something happened that's out of your control. That's what Anti-Binky does, and what my Mother does, and I'm not like them."

"..." Blaine didn't respond, he just turned his eyes to the ground in thought, even if what he was seeing remained exactly the same. For once, the leprechaun actually believed what the anti-fairy was saying.

It was quiet in class 720. Anti-Cosmo just floating there, Blaine staring at the floor. Maybe half a minute passed before anyone said anything. "Uh, so… are you quitting or what? Because I'd like a two weeks notice before I get started on making an Oedipus puppet."

Blaine looked up at the young anti-fairy. The two were making dead eye contact. "Anti-Cosmo…"

"Yeah?"

"I… genuinely hope you take over Anti-Fairy world."

Anti-Cosmo floated backwards in disbelief. "Wha- ? Why? Don't you hate me? Do you secretly know a prophecy that says the ruler of Anti-Fairy World would spontaneously combust or something?"

"No. How would I even get a secret prophecy?" Anti-Cosmo shrugged in response, which was the single most useless response he could have had for multiple reasons. Regardless, Blaine continued. "Don't get me wrong, I do hate you. You're always acting the maggot and are by far the worst classmate I could have ever imagined in all the worlds. If leprechauns could have fairies, I'd immediately wish I never met you."

"Yeah, fair enough, I'd do the same" Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

"But, no matter how horrible you are as a classmate, you'd make a great leader of Anti-Fairies."

Anti-Cosmo started looking around anxiously. He didn't know what he was looking for, maybe people going to ambush him, maybe like a pair of magic eyes to capture his reaction for eternity or something, no matter what he knew there had to be some catch. "What are you doing? Did Anti-Binky put you up to this? I hope you know I can see right through you. You're ugly when you lie, Pointy-ears."

"I'm not lying."

"Then why are you ugly?"

Sighing, Blaine shook his head. Anti-Cosmo really was so hard to root for. Yet he somehow found himself somewhat rooting for him anyway. "Listen, I'm not doing a weird prank lie thing. Unlike some people in this class, I don't thrive on other's pain. I may not know much about Anti-Fairy World or Anti-Binky, mostly because I don't trust a word out of your mouth about either of them, but I at least know that Anti-Fairy World doesn't care about people like us, just like Fairy World, and the magical side of Ireland, and everywhere really. You and Anti-Wanda wouldn't be in this class if it were different there. They don't do anything but call us abnormal and send us to useless classes to get us out of sight and out of mind. If you genuinely won't do that, and you really do try to help, then, even as much as I hate to admit it, I hope you become ruler of Anti-Fairies. If you can make that hell hole slightly better, maybe then places that actually have residents who aren't all weird chaotic bad luck goblins would see that treating us like people isn't going to end the world. Although, you becoming ruler of anything beyond that would be absolutely horrible - I'd rather you accomplish nothing at all than rule anyone but the Anti-Fairies."

"Blaine," Anti-Cosmo said.

It actually took Blaine by surprise to hear him say that. That was the first time Anti-Cosmo ever used his actual name instead of calling him 'simpleton', 'pointy eared one', 'leprechaun', 'more annoying twin', or anything like that. "Yeah, Anti-Cosmo?"

"I… genuinely could not care any less about your opinion on me, even if my physical ability to care were lobotomized out of me. I just want to know if I have to replace you or not."

"I don't know what I expected…" Blaine stood up and started walking to the door. He knew their classroom well enough to know how to navigate it, and from there following the wall to find the stage wouldn't be that hard. "Unless you break any of your promises, I'll be your 'loyal subject' until the exact second that opening night ends."

Anti-Cosmo smiled. "Wow, really? That went better than I expected. Usually when I talk about lobotomies people want to leave even more than they did previously." He plopped onto the floor and started walking beside Blaine, since he'd have to start actually using his legs for the play so he might as well get started early. "I loathe the fact that I have to say it, but I'm the slightest bit glad I don't have to replace you yet. I thought of this great way to make you impaling your eyes out look hyper realistic and traumatizing. I don't think a hay bale could pull it off, no matter how talented Hay-ley is. I hope you know how sickeningly lucky you are, Leprechaun - if our pitiful class had any more living members, you'd be demoted or possibly banished for your previous insubordination and replaced swiftly."

"Uh huh, whatever. If you acting like you're even more heartless than you are is anything to go by, stick to directing."

"Shut up, Subject."

"Whatever you say, 'sir'."

"Aah! My heart!" Anti-Wanda said, holding her costume at the chest like she's having a heart attack. It was performance day, and just like promised, the entire school was packed into the auditorium to watch. Plus a few parents- namely anti-big daddy and the Scanlan leprechauns. "I'm going to die of sadness! Oh nooooo-" she stumbled backwards in her tap shoes and fell onto the pile of dirt Anti-Cosmo put on the stage. "I'm dead~"

Dillan ran on stage 'oh no-' he signed. There wasn't any sign language translator at all, so unless the kids knew sign language in the first place, about a fifth of the play was lost on them. 'Our dear queen Jocasta, ripped from us by this unholy injustice!' As he signed, Dillan was stepping and twirling and tapping his feet to make sure his brother could hear him.

Backstage, Anti-Cosmo was putting the realistic eye-mask onto Blaine and was adjusting the fake blood packets to make sure they were perfect. The fact that he could see equally as well with or without a blindfold full of fake blood over his eyes was pretty helpful for their low budget special effects.

Satisfied with how it looked, Anti-Cosmo stopped adjusting it. "Okay, time for the big finale. After this, we'll never have to tolerate each other again." The two were backstage, so the voice projection magic didn't affect their conversation.

Blaine nodded. "Works for me."

As soon as he heard the tapping of Dillan's shoes stop for long enough, Blaine knew it was time for him to send off the show.

The leprechaun's shoes tapped as he ran to the front of the stage. Thankfully, near the edge, courtesy of Anti-Cosmo telling Ms Magister to add it, the stage had newly magically added small bumps that grew in size the closer to the edges of the stage it was. Just by feeling the bumps, Blaine was able to stand in the stage's center near the audience without a chance of falling again. He took out his prop knife.

Anti-Cosmo poofed Anti-Wanda and Dillan a few feet so that they were backstage, leaving the star up there as the sole focus.

"I-I've done the unspeakable… the very things I swore to avoid-" Blaine's voice sounded genuinely broken. His whole body shook, especially his hand with the knife. He took a step forward. "I insulted the Gods and destroyed everything I once held dear… I….. I know what must be done…" Blaine stabbed the prop knife into his mask, the knife folding in on itself so it didn't actually go through anything, but the pressure from it made the bag of fake blood burst, red liquid poured down his cheek dripping to the floor. Blaine fell to his knees and carefully dropped the now fake bloody knife, grabbing his eyes in what looked like pain, but it was actually him hiding the fact that the painted on eyes of his mask weren't closed like they would be if they were real.

The audience all watched in horror and shock as Blaine cried out in realistic sounding pain.

He took his hand off the unstabbed eye and shakely reached for the knife. "I c-can't live with the sight of w-what I've done. Athena, give me the strength to do what I m-must."

With a deep breath, Blaine 'stabbed' his other eye and cried out again. "I need to leave Thebes… the treacherous desert is where me and my sin belong for the rest of eternity…" Blaine 'struggled' to his feet. "Hades, have mercy on my parent's and daughter's souls… please…"

Limply, Blaine walked off the stage, 'blood' dripping off his face as he did.

The audience stared at the empty stage in absolute silence. Last year's play was Mr. Cookie, this was about as far of a departure from that as possible. Some of the students, and a teacher here and there, were full on sobbing from the whole experience.

"W-what the hell did we just watch…" Anti-Blonda mumbled. She knew she was in for a crazy experience when Anti-Wanda told her Anti-Cosmo was directing, but what she actually just watched was way weirder and worse than she could ever imagine.

Anti-Schnozmo was sitting next to her. "There's not a doubt in my mind that my brother was 100% responsible for that…"

Chapter Text

Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda floated in front of a cave made of clouds deep in the middle lands. He smiled looking at it. “Just where the book said it was."

“Awesome!” Anti-Wanda exclaimed. “What are we doing again?”

“Why, getting useful magic, of course,” he began to explain to his friend. “This book tells about the magic found inside this cave. Well, a few other books too, but they don’t have audio forms, so I don’t care about them. 

“Inside those walls is a wand unlike all others. It has no rules, yet also doesn't twist words like geinies would do. Instead of mostly amplifying the internal magic of the user, it has its own source of magic that it draws from which is unthinkably stronger than any other wand’s. Even a human could use it and end up with power that rivals a world leader like Anti-Binky or Jorgen! It allegedly can do the unthinkable!

“Of course, a power on that scale doesn’t come easy. The cave itself has been known to make people go mad. They mentally deteriorate within those walls, but no not-self-inflicted physical harm has ever come, so we should be fine. We’ve got young, healthy brains.”

Anti-Wanda nodded. She didn’t really understand most of what was said, but she got a jist. “How long do you think it’ll take?” she asked. “Anti-Blonda says I have to be home when Mama and Papa get off work.”

“That’s the thing about this cave, time moves much faster in it. 24 hours in there is only about an hour. Unless it takes weeks, which it won’t, we’ll be out in a jiffy.”

“Oh boy, I love jiffy’s! Let’s go!”

“Wait, we have to be sure that we’re ready! Once someone goes in and out, they can never go back in again. I heard it was from a spell gone wrong that nobody has been able to fix… or maybe cared enough to fix. The book Anti-Schnozmo gave me wasn’t very straightforward. Typical for him to be pretty useless.”

Anti-Wanda held her friend’s hand and started flying him to the entrance. “That’s okay. Like you said, we’re really brain or something. We’ll do great!”

Anti-Cosmo has been trying to be less impulsive, but it was hard to refuse his best friend. "Of course we will~" 

They both flew into the cave. Passing through the entrance was like gliding through jello. It didn't take long to get out of the entrance barrier and get deeper in. Looking around, the walls turned grayer and grayer and the walls became more angular. "That's weird…" Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

"I never knew caves looked like Pixie heads."

"They don't usually…" Anti-Cosmo mumbled. He was too busy looking at the walls he ran into a door right in front of him. Its metallic bang rang throughout the cave. "Ow," he whined. 

"You okay?" Anti-Wanda asked.

"Someone must have made this cave. The book never mentioned anything about this. It probably left out other vital details." 

The door opened slowly, revealing a pixie.

The pixie, from head to toe was the same exact color as the gray door and walls surrounding them. He wasn’t wearing sunglasses, showing off his gray eyes. Even the whites of his eyes were gray. and wore a gray, skin tight jumpsuit. Everything was so eye breakingly monotone, it made him incredibly hard to see, and impossible to see for someone that has lackluster vision. “Greetings,” he said. Pixie’s usually had monotone voices, but this one was a whole new level of devoid-of-life-ness. 

Anti-Cosmo jumped backwards at the sound, pointing his raddle threateningly at the door. “Who said that? You’d better not hurt us, or I’ll… suck your blood” He bared his fangs at the last words. 

“Ooo, I like blood,” Anti-Wanda said. 

The pixie blinked slowly, his face not reacting to the anti-children’s words in the slightest. “My name is Bob.”

“Okay, Robert,” Anti-Cosmo said. “Your cloaking spell won’t give you an advantage. My youthful brain and I will retrieve the super wand before you could even get close.”

Bob blinked his slow blink again. “My name is just Bob. I do not have a cloaking spell on. I have just been here long enough for the color to permanently attach itself to my skin. I cannot touch the super wand either. I have no intention nor capability of doing so.”

A shiver ran up Anti-Cosmo’s spine as Bob talked. The sheer dullness all around made it really feel like a disembodied voice was talking to him. It didn’t make sense either. “Oh really? How long have you been here then? And why, if the super wand has nothing to do with it?”

The pixie opened the door wider, revealing an equally as gray room. Unlike most pixie houses, there was no variation in gray at all. “I will tell you if you come inside. You can sit down on my furniture.”

“Okay!” Anti-Wanda said. She flew over to a painfully flat couch and sat down. “I love stories.”

Anti-Cosmo flew in much slower. He had problems avoiding objects while flying usually; everything blending in so perfectly with each other didn’t help at all. The blues and pink of his friend was the only thing that he could see in the sea of gray, so he sat right next to Anti-Wanda. The pixie sat on an identical couch across from them.

“It started at 12:00pm on the day of the Earth’s autumn stolsus, 1 billion years ago. It was a Wednesday. I was born on that day. I was in my house. My mother and father were there too.” As Bob talked, green eyes were flicking around the room, trying to see anything but the monotone gray to no avail. How was he supposed to find the wand if he literally couldn’t tell anything apart?

Anti-Cosmo closed his eyes. If he couldn’t see anything anyway, might as well look at a dark color. Besides, looking at the absolute gray surrounding him was unsettling. ‘I guess I’ll have to use my other senses to find the wand,’ he thought. First, he focused on sound. Ignoring Bob and his whole life story, There was nothing. No water dripping, or wind blowing like a cave would have. Not a single audible sign of life came from anything but the three beings sitting there. Bob was still going on about his life too.

Anti-Cosmo sighed. He really didn’t want to go around, rubbing everything like a weirdo, so sense number 2 that he tried was smell. He tried to ignore the smell of anti-magic that he was always covered in and the usual dirt-like smell of Anti-Wanda- because boy did she love rolling around in mud- but there was nothing else to smell. 

Disappointed, Anti-Cosmo started rubbing the couch he was on. Then the wall. Then the floor. It honestly must have looked pretty weird. It was all completely flat, and all had the same texture of being not exactly rough, but not remarkably smooth either. 

“What is this place?” He asked, interrupting Bob’s story. The pixie was only on his second day of life, so he wasn’t interrupting much

“A prison.” 

Anti-Wanda’s eyes shined. “Oh, wow really?” 

Anti-Cosmo raised his rattle again. “Why are you in prison?”

“One time I did not do my taxes.”

“What?” Anti-Cosmo questioned, lowering his wand again. “All this for tax evasion?”

“Tax evasion is the worst crime imaginable in Pixie World.”

Shrugging, he mumbled “yeah, I guess that makes sense…” He opened his eyes, but everything was brighter than he remembered, so he closed them again. “Then why is this place so incredibly dull? Pixies at least have variation in their grays.”

“I made a special request for the monotonic scenery. I am going to start the story again.” And that he did, starting back at day one. 

As Anti-Cosmo sat there, he started realizing what must have always happened. There’s no physiological tricks for him to outsmart; there is only sheer boredom. The most boring thing in existence always dulled his visitors into insanity. What he thought would be an advantage, his child mind - his hyper mind - would be a huge detriment. They’d be lucky to last an hour without being bored to tears. 

Somehow, some way, Bob was even more boring than an average pixie.

“Anti-Wanda, this story will last for way too long. Let’s go find the wand,” Anti-Cosmo whispered.

“Okay. Stories aren’t supposed to be this lame anyway.”

They both stood up and started floating in the opposite direction from where they entered. “I would not do that if I were you,” Bob said. “It is a labyrinth. I know where to go in it. You do not.” 

“Will you show us then?” Anti-Wanda asked.

“No. You did not listen to my story.”

“And we're not going to listen to it.” Anti-Cosmo said. He ended up flying face first into another wall, but he quickly shook off the pain and recovered from it. “I can make my way around a labyrinth decently enough without suffering through your ponderous drivel meant to melt our brains.” He put his hand against the wall.

“Okay.” Such a dull response from such a dull Pixie. 

Carefully, Anti-Cosmo starter floating through to painfully gray twisting halls, keeping his hand on the wall the whole time. “You can make it through almost any maze if you keep a hand on one wall. All dead ends will loop around and hypothetically put you on the right path eventually, and you won't go down the same path twice,” he explained. 

“Oh, okay, that makes sense~” 

“Does it?” 

“Well, only half of it.” Anti-Wanda put her hand on the wall too as she followed. “So why are your eyes closed then?” 

“Because it doesn't make a difference, we can’t see anything either way.”

“Huh? I can see stuff. It’s all like… the same, but not, kinda.”

Anti-Cosmo tilted his head. “Hm… that’s weird.” 

As he was thinking, Anti-Cosmo was about to run into a wall again. Anti-Wanda grabbed his hand and nudged him backwards to keep him from crashing into the dead end. Feeling the walls in front of him, he realized what happened, and continued to follow the wall. “Thanks.”

“No problem~ Want me to hold your hands the whole time to save ya from walls?”

“Sure.”

The two young anti-fairies kept going through the maze, holding hands. It was dead end after dead end and twist after turn. It was nothing but unsubstantial wall and coradors. 

It took well over an hour before they finally stumbled into something noteworthy. “Oh, hello again~” Anti-Wanda cooed

“Hello.” 

Bob's voice sent a chill up Anti-Cosmo's spine. “What are you doing here?! Did we just walk in a giant circle?!” 

“I live here. Yes. You did.”

“Bloody hell. All that work for nothing.”

“I told you I would not do that if I were you.” 

Anti-Cosmo glared at where he assumed the voice was coming from. “You also said you know where it is, correct?”

“Yes.” 

“What will it take to get you to tell us? Anything but listening to your life story.” 

“I will tell you in exchange for your time in another way. We can make a deal.”

Anti-cosmo raised an eyebrow skeptically. “A deal?” 

The pixie pulled an all gray box from under the gray table and put it on top of it. Anti-Cosmo had no idea what was happening. “I have a deal. I propose that we should play my most enjoyable card game. I look back fondly on the times I could have played it with friends. I will guide you to the wand if you win.”

“Is there anything else you’ll make a deal for?”

“No.”

“Fine, whatever. I’m great at card games anyway,” Anti-Cosmo said. That wasn’t necessarily true. While he rarely ever lost a game, that was partially because every single time he’d ever been losing, he’d cheat. A lot. Regardless, Anti-Cosmo held out his hand to be shook, since he knew that’s how pixies liked to fulfill contractless deals. 

He saw his hand get consumed by gray, which sparked fear in him. It looked so off putting, and it didn’t help that the pixie’s hand had no texture or grip to it. Even as his hand was shook, he hardly felt a thing. It was like the air itself was motioning the anti-fairies arm up and down.

After their hands separated, there were seconds of silence. Anti-Cosmo got even more uneasy. He hated not being able to differentiate anything, it made it so anything could be happening. 

Beside him he saw Anti-Wanda’s hands get consumed by gray as she shook his hand too. After their handshake ended, it was more deafening silence.

“I made this game. I call it ‘the game’,” Bob eventually said. He put a stack of cards on the table that were the exact same color as everything else. Then he handed the cards out so that three each were in front of the three players. Anti-Wanda picked her set of cards up, and seeing that Anti-Cosmo started feeling around for his to do the same. 

Of course, all the cards were a complete uniform monotone gray. If they had any suits or faces on them, it wasn’t visible at all. 

“The game has simple rules. You place a card down in a pile here on your turn. You draw a card from the pile here so you have three in your hand. The order goes clockwise. Do you understand the rules?” 

“Sure, let's start, the sooner I win the better,” Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

“Okay. I will start.” Bob did as he said and placed a card down, then picked one up again. 

Anti-Wanda did the same, then Anti-Cosmo did too, following where Anti-Wanda’s hands went to know where each card pile was. Then Bob went again. 

The three kept going around in silence. The same thing over and over and over again, motions as monotonous as the gray all around them. 

That was until Anti-Wanda placed down a card and went to go grab a new one, but nothing was there. “I can’t draw a new card. Does that mean I win?” 

“No.” Bob took the full stack that they had been placing cards onto and pushed it to where the deck was, making it the new deck. “Draw from this. It is the new drawing deck.”

“Okay~” Anti-Wanda did.

“Wait, where do we place our cards now?” Anti-Cosmo asked.

“You place them here.” Bob pointed, but Anti-Cosmo still couldn’t see him in the gray abyss of a room. 

Anti-Wanda helped him put into the spot. “He said it was the same spot as before.”

“...I… see……” 

Anti-Cosmo didn’t pick up the new card either, so Anti-Wanda did it for him and handed it over. 

The cycle continued again, Bob and Anti-Wanda still played the game, but ‘played’ and ‘game’ were vast overstatements. Anti-Cosmo didn’t play though. He just sat on the flat couch, uselessly watching as Anti-Wanda tried to get his attention and played his cards for him since she didn’t know anything better to do. He couldn't do anything, all his senses were going numb. Everything was gray. Staring into the endless void of nothingness, he could feel nothing. His brain was going a million miles an hour, yet it couldn’t think of anything. Besides the dark blues of himself and Anti-Wanda, he couldn’t see anything, it was hard to hear anything giving how anechoic the prison was. Everything felt so fake and suffocating, yet also incredibly real, vast, and endless. 

It was madness. And the pixie was trapping them in it like he’s done to so many others. 

“... Does this game just… continue indefinitely?” Anti-Cosmo eventually mumbled.

“It can.” 

It dawned on Anti-Cosmo that he really shouldn’t have agreed to a deal with a pixie without knowing all the details, but then again it wouldn’t have mattered. No matter what, the pixie was metaphorically holding all the cards from the get go. He needed to change that, and fast. “That's not fair!” Anti-Cosmo knocked over the deck of cards. “A game is a form of play or sport, especially a competitive one played according to rules and decided by skill, strength, or luck. This “““game””” of yours is nothing more than repeated labor with no goal in mind and no skill, strength, or luck needed! There's no way to win, no way to lose, just endless pointless tripe!”

“You lost the game.”

“What?!” 

“The game does require skill, strength, and luck. You lose the game if you display strong emotions. You win if you are the last player remaining,” Bob explained as he reorganized the cards and put them back into place. He added Anti-Cosmo’s three cards to the draw pile too.

Anti-Wanda tilted her head. “Huh? I don’t get it?”

“It means if you feel stuff too much you lose.” Anti-Cosmo waved his hand dismissively. “I don’t know what I expected from a Pixie. Let me guess, Anti-Wanda’s confusion gets her disqualified too?”

“No. I want to be fair. Anti-fairies are emotional creatures. It takes more than mild confusion to lose the game for emotional creatures.”

“I wAnT tO bE fAiR- Oh yeah, since when, Robert?”

“My name is Bob. That response would have made you lose the game if you did not lose already.”

Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes. Losing the game was a blessing in disguise, now he actually knows the rules of the game. In other words, that means he knows how to cheat Anti-Wanda to the top. And he wasn’t in the game any more regardless so nothing he would do would have an impact on his ability to win. 

Anti-Wanda and Bob kept placing down and picking up cards, but Anti-Cosmo had other plans. “Hey Anti-Wanda, can you do me a favor and point to Robert?” She did, so Anti-Cosmo gave her a quick smile in appreciation. “Thank you. But as for you-” he turned to where his friend pointed. “Unfortunately for you, I’ve got a reputation of making everyone I come into contact with get filled with a deep, unadulterated rage towards me. Basically everyone but Anti-Wanda has wanted me dead upon first sight. Pixies may take a bit longer, but I can make you crack~”

“Oh yeah, a lot of not me people do hate you, huh? I don’t know why they would though,” Anti-Wanda said. 

“Indeed, but I have a hunch as to why. Even occasionally both anti-fairies and their fairy counterparts hate me. Quite an impressive feat. Are you quaking in your boots yet, Robert?”

“No. And my name is Bob.”

“ah yes Bob- what's your last name?”

“Bob.”

Anti-Cosmo sighed. “I don't know what I expected… but Mr. Bob Bob, although a Pixie you may be, and the most wearisome one I've ever met at that, you still have feelings and desires. Whether it's exactly as dull as you like it in here, this is still a prison meant to encage you and serve as a punishment. You probably thought you were sooo clever committing tax fraud, I mean, it’s more money right? Just like your darling, Head Pixie always preaches for you to make. You thought you’d make off with it scott free. But alas, in reality you were too narrow minded to realise that you were stealing from the pockets of HP himself, and he will stop at nothing to put an end to that. And now look at you. No friends, no family, no social interaction of any kind. Just you and the void. That’s why you try to trap us here indefinitely with your unasked for life story and purposely trivial game, isn’t it?”

Bob stared at Anti-Cosmo for a second in silence before letting out a melancholic sigh. The sound made the young anti-fairy smile. 

“...... you got me. I had an intense emotional breakdown. I lost the game.” 

The young Anti-Fairy jumped into the air in excitement. “Yes! I did it!”

Anti-Wanda smiled. “Wait, does that mean I won? So cool, I never win things!~”

“Thank badness! Now as per your magical obligation, you must show us the wand!” 

Bob shook his head. “Not necessarily. Our deal was ‘when you should win, I will guide you to the wand’. You in that case was plural. I shook hands with both of you. I was talking about both you singular and your companion. Your companion won. You did not win. The deal is not yet complete. We will need to play again.” 

Anti-Cosmo’s smile has never fallen faster. “... There isn't a lexicon in existence with words that can adequately describe how unfathomably I despise you.”

“Yeah, this guy kinda sucks…” Anti-Wanda mumbled. 

“I am willing to play again. I have reflected and come to terms with my crime after your reminder. I will not lose to the same thing again.”

Reluctantly, the two anti-fairies agreed to another game. Everything was reset and cards were passed out again. Anti-Wanda put on her best poker face to avoid showing emotions, but it ending up looking more like someone who just bit into a lemon than someone showing a pokerface. Anti-Cosmo just looked tired and fed up with being there, because he was. 

“You won last time. You can start,” Bob told Anti-Wanda. She did, exchanging her cards again. 

Anti-Cosmo did the same with his cards. “What kind of emotion should we force out of him do you think?” he asked.

“Hmmm…… I dunno.” 

“Yeah. I thought that might be the case.”

“Wait actually, I think I know how to get em.”

Anti-Cosmo cocked his head in mild surprise. “Oh? Cool. The floor is yours.”

Doing her car exchange, Anti-Wanda looked at Bob dead in the eyes, still making her ‘poker face’. “Why did the Orange knock on the door?”

“I don’t know.”

“Because banana glad I didn’t… orange… hold on, I don’t think I did that right.”

“...” Bob had zero reaction to that, he was just waiting for Anti-Cosmo to place his card. 

“Actually, darling friend, that is a brilliant course of action. Mind if I take over? I know a joke that would have Pixies turn to a puddle of laugher with ease.” It was hard for her to keep the poker face after the compliment, but Anti-Wanda did, and she nodded. 

With his friend’s permission, Anti-Cosmo cleared his throat dramatically before saying the funniest thing that could possibly be said. “Mondays- am I right?”

“....Ha.”

Anti-Cosmo wanted nothing more than to laugh and rub into Bob’s face how he lost, but he knew that making sure all his bases were covered was more important, so he took a deep breath and continued as emotionless as possible. “That was a flagrant display of emotion.”

“It was. I am ashamed.”

“Anti-Wanda, will you do me a favor and show off a big emotion?”

She nodded. “Sure~” Her poker face fell and she started giggling with flattery. “My friend called me a genius even when he’s sooo smart~ I’m the luckiest anti-fairy in the worlds!~”

Anti-Cosmo brushed the compliment off as just the pink eyed anti-fairy’s rose tinted view of everything. He gestured to her. “Also a large display of emotion, agreed?”

Nodding, Bob put all his cards down. “Indeed. You won.”

With that, Anti-Cosmo could finally do what he wanted. “Mwahahaha!” He knocked the card pile over again. “You lost! We both won! No matter what you do, our side of the contract has been fulfilled and you must deliver me the wand that will lead to my rightful throne! And rue the day you got defeated in a game of emotional masking against a three year old Anti-Fairy!”

“...You are right.”

“I know I am, now show us the wand!”

“No.” Anti-Cosmo gritted his teeth at that response. “I never specified when our deal would be done by. I could fulfill it right now. I could fulfill it in 1,000,000 years. Either way holds up my end.”

“Ehgtsbktqe-” Anti-Cosmo hissed. “Bhsndxafhkx!” 

Anti-Wanda tilted her head. “Huh? What are you saying?” 

“I believe he is describing how unfathomably he despises me without the use of a lexicon in existence.”

“Oh, okay. I still don’t know what any of that means.” 

As much as it pained him to give in, Anti-Cosmo needed that wand and his patience was wearing thin- he was going to make another deal. “You know what? Fine. I give up. You wanted us to hear your stupid life story, didn't you? Here's a deal, I'll be present for your story if you show me exactly where the wand is immediately, and you won't stop showing me where the wand is until I have it in my hands. Deal?” He held out his hand and Bob shook it.

“Deal.” 

“Perfect.” Anti-Cosmo sat on the couch and closed his eyes.

With the deal set, the young anti-fairies had nothing else to do but sit and listen. “It started at 12:00pm on the day of the Earth’s autumn stolsus. 1 billion years ago.” 

“Can you make it more exciting? Ooo, can you add dragons in~ and make the dragons eat each other!” Anti-Wanda suggested.

“No. It is rude to interrupt a story. I lost my place. I will start over again. It started at 12:00pm on the day of the Earth’s autumn stolsus.” 

Anti-Wanda sighed. “I don't really like this story…” 

“Yeah, this is admittably torture. I made my deal in such a way that you can go home if you want. Just don't be surprised if by the time you get home, I will be ruler of Anti-Fairy World.” 

She shook her head. “No way~ I don’t care if this guy's story sucks, if you're going to sit through it then I will too!” 

“You interrupted again. I will start over again. It started at 12:00pm on the day of the Earth’s autumn stolsus.” 

Anti-Cosmo wanted to say something back to his best friend, but he knew that would just make everything restart again, and it was going to make things worse for them both. 

Between his eyes being closed, all the time and energy they've already spent in the prison, and listening to the most boring story in the most boring cadence known to man without being able to talk, it wasn’t very far into the story when Anti-Cosmo fell asleep. Anti-Wanda wasn't far behind. Pixies talking uninterrupted for long periods of time tended to work like a sleeping spell on anyone who's not a pixie, and it was definitely no exception for this pixie. 

Anti-Cosmo woke up who-knows-how-long later, blinking his eyes open begrudgingly to see the blinding gray void once again. 

Ends up he fell asleep on Anti-Wanda’s shoulder, and Anti-Wanda fell asleep with her head leaning against his. Carefully he started removing himself from the equation without waking up his companion. 

Waking up when he did was perfect timing, Bob had gotten all the way through thousands of years of his life. The magical time pocket might work differently when unconscious. If it did and they were there for real time hours, Anti-Cosmo would need one hell of an explanation to give the anti-fairywinkles. At least said explanation would be coming from the new overarching ruler of Anti-Fairy World, so they shouldn't take it too badly. 

“Two young anti-fairies were at the prison door. I invited them in. I started telling them this story. They left to do the labyrinth.”

Anti-Cosmo rubbed his eyes, still tired. He decided to keep his eyes open regardless so he'd be better at staying awake. He sat through the whole rest of the story, as painstaking as it was. 

“Said deal was completed by the anti-fairies. A new deal was made with the green eyed anti-fairy. I started telling my life story. I am now ending my life story. The end.”

“That was wonderful,” Anti-Cosmo lied. “Now can you show us to the super wand?”

“Maybe. What is the name of my second brother?”

Anti-Cosmo sighed. “I don’t know, Paul or something.”

“No. He was also named Bob. You obviously did not actually listen to my story. I will have to start from the beginning again. It started at 12:00pm on-”

“Hey! Stop that!” Anti-Cosmo’s outburst made Anti-Wanda blink awake, but he didn’t pay much mind to that; he had a pixie to deal with. “You got through your whole story didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“Well guess what, I make the rules now. It was my deal, I can choose the definition of the words you agreed to. When I said ‘present’ to your story, I meant that we would be close enough for the vibrations of your speech to enter our ears, nothing more than that! Retention and consciousness were never a factor. Our end of the deal is done. If you can define words after the fact then I can too. Now do your end and follow suit!”

“..... hm… You make a compelling case. You would make a decent pixie.”

“Would I make a good pixie?” Anti-Wanda questioned.

“No.”

“Dang…” 

Anti-Cosmo waved his hand dismissively. “Enough chatter, I don’t care about how well I'd survive as a parallel species, I just want the wand.” 

“It is under the cushions on the couch you are currently sitting on.” 

Immediately the two floated off the couch and Anti-Cosmo ripped the cushions off. Just as Bob said, there it was, the wand of his dreams, right under them this whole time. 

It was white with a teal stripe winding around the base. The head was a big yellow star. Despite obviously being designed by a fairy, it was probably the best thing Anti-Cosmo had ever seen. As bright and sickening as the colors were, they were still colors, and he was desperate for anything at this point. 

The young anti-fairy picked it up. He could feel the power it held. His dreams were so close he could taste it. “Woah…” 

Anti-Wanda tilted her head “How does it work?” 

“I did not make a deal with you about information. I can make another deal for it if-”

Anti-Cosmo's awe of the wand was immediately broken by the pixie talking. “Dear God, I wish you would stop doing that!” As he said that, the wand in his hand lit up pink and sent a sparkly yellow pulse through them all. “Oh, that must be how…” 

“I am sorry. You are right. You won multiple deals with me and it is wrong of me to add so many stipulations. I will answer any questions you may have from now on. And yes, that is how. It activates after the user says ‘I wish’” Bob said. 

Anti-Cosmo pointed the wand into the air triumphantly. “I wish I were ruler of Anti-Fairy World!” 

…

Nothing happened.

“Did it work? Are you king now?” Anti-Wanda asked.

“...maybe? I guess I won't know until I go tell Anti-Binky to get out of my new castle.” 

“You are not king now,” Bob answered. 

“What?” 

“The wand is a one-time-use item. It was made for god kids to be allowed only one rule free wish. They pivoted to a muffin instead of a wand because ‘muffins are fun’ according to fairies. Magic Muffins cannot be used by magical creatures, unlike this wand. I was given the failed prototype wand as a form of torture while imprisoned. Would you like to know any more information?”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHGG!!!!!! ” Anti-Cosmo threw the wand at the ground, shattering it. “Asdfghjklzxcvbnm!!” 

“I will take that to mean you would not.”

Chapter Text

Water dipped from stalactites to the stalagmites below as a cold breeze was blowing through the chasm. The whole cave had a blue glow to it, making the green hair and eyes of the awestruck fairy flying through loose its defining color. 

“Wow,” Cosmo said. “I wonder why Jorgen never wanted me here. It looks sooo pretty.” He continued to float and look at everything around him until something caught his eye. “Who’s that?” He flew closer. Upon further inspection, the young fairy saw that what he saw looked just like him, only with the shades of colors that the blue cave allowed. Cosmo tilted his head at it in confusion, and it mimicked. After a second, it suddenly hit him. “Oooh! It’s a mirror!” the fairy realized, then he laughed. “I look so funny when it’s dark.” With nothing better to do, he stayed there for a long time, making faces that always ended up being made back. That was until a water drop fell onto the mirror’s frame. It rolled down into the mirror’s glass and disappeared, but it somehow made the glass ripple. The drop came back out of the mirror as two different drops, then they rolled across the mirror's surface as if it was glass.

Cosmo’s eyes shone in amazement. “WOAH! Mirrors don’t do that!” He stuck his hand into the mirror, and it disappeared like the drop. A smile appeared on his face as he stuck the second hand in. “This is amazing!” With no second thought, or even first thoughts, Cosmo flew completely into the mirror. Seconds later he popped back out, but with another fairy right beside him. They made eye contact, his green eyes into the reflection's baby blue ones. “You… You're me?” he asked.

“I’m you?” the reflection asked. It shrugged. “I think that makes sense.” 

Cosmo smiled even wider as he flew around happily. “Yippy! I made me! A other me! This will be so much fun! We’ll be best friends!”

The reflection quickly mirrored his enthusiasm. “We can finally use that teeter totter! And have a sleeping party! Or have a party at all!”

“This is the best!” Cosmo yelled into the cave.

“Yeah!” it agreed.

A week later, Anti-Cosmo was flying boredly around his room, blissfully unaware of what his counterpart did. He picked up audio books from the floor, listened for a second, then put them back. “Uhg. Why can’t Anti-Wanda have a life as miniscule as mine?” He asked nobody. “She has to ‘spend time with her family’, as if that’s something anybody wants to do. I, on the other hand, have to do nothing. It’s unfair. Why does school have breaks? For the mental health of their students? Ha, as if. If I had other friends maybe I could get a life too. I could hang out with Maria. See how much Anti-Wanda would like that. I could even hang out with the leprechauns, that’ll be something for sure.” He floated for a second, thinking about it, then went back to grabbing random books. 

One book he grabbed, he could feel it shaking in his hands, so he immediately put it back without listening to it.

“What was that?” Nobody, of course, answered, so he grabbed another one that started shaking too. Though he would never admit it, he was a bit scared. They had never done that before. His rattle appeared in his hand, and it shook too. “It must be me then. But why?” He poofed into his brother’s room with little hope that he would be any help, but still hope.

Anti-Schnozmo screamed and poofed away, but soon poofed back in. “Please just knock or something,” he said. 

Anti-Cosmo ignored his brother's request and instead lifted his arms to show his hands, which were shaking even harder now. “Why am I doing this? I haven't done anything. I don’t want vibrating hands—I’m a big enough freak without them. You're old. Do something.”

Anti-Schnozmo looked at his brother’s hands in horror. “That can’t be good. What did you do?”

“I told you: nothing! How am I supposed to do stuff with Anti-Wanda being busy?”

“You know that you can do things without her, right?” Anti-Schnozmo asked rhetorically. Anti-Cosmo glared at him. The younger anti-fairy’s arms were now vibrating as well. “You’re right. Bigger fish to catch. Have you tried, just, not shaking?”

Anti-Cosmo adopted a fake smile. “Oh golly gosh, how have I not thought of that before?” he mocked. “Maybe I could do that for other things too. Looky there, all that I needed to do is stop being a disappointment. Now I can read. Ooo, maybe next you can stop being an idiot.” As he talked, the shaking migrated to his whole body, distorting his voice.

“Anti-Cosmo, this could be serious! Why do you think this is happening?”

He was about to make more sarcastic comments at his brother’s expense, but something dawned on him. His eyes narrowed. “Cosmo,” he growled.

“What?” Anti-Schnozmo asked. He genuinely couldn't understand what his brother said since he was vibrating too fast to be understood. 

At this point, it kind of looked like the young anti-fairy was two places at once. Suddenly, he stopped vibrating all together. It didn’t phase him though. “That hindrance on my life Cosmo!” Anti-Cosmo continued to complain. He didn’t care that he stopped vibrating, or that Anti-Schnozmo was backing away from him in horror. The young anti-fairy was too busy seething over the mere thought of his opposite to be aware of his surroundings. “He has to come in and ruin the life that he has already cursed me with! It's the only reason I would have a reaction to something like this! Ug, why do I have to be the opposite of such a malicious, diabolical, Mephistophelian, pecc-”

He was interrupted by a person next to him saying “Ew, I don’t sound that whiny and annoying, do I?”

Anti-Cosmo decided to look beside him. He found himself—or at least something that looked and sounded like himself, except for its bright blue eyes. An impossible clone, mirroring the young anti-fairy in every way, even personality. “No no nonono. I can’t have a magic-copy-thing of myself- one of me is more than enough! Go back to non-existence!”

The anti-reflection rolled its eyes. “Oh, as if I don’t hate you either. That’s not how reflections work, you ignorant boob.”

“ThAt’S nOt HoW rEfLeCtIoNs WoRk. Well reflections couldn’t come to life last time I checked, which was fairly recently, so who’s the real ignorant boob here.”

“You are,” the reflection retorted

“No you!”

The two continued to argue as Anti-Schnozmo just sort of stood there until he poofed away.

The reflection gestured to where the older anti-fairy just was. “Look. You lost our ride to Fairy World."

Anti-Cosmo raised an eyebrow at its statement. "Why would w- I ever go to Fairy World?"

"So you can get rid of me,” The reflection stretched its arm out and knocked on Anti-Cosmo’s head. “Is it really that hollow in there?”

Furious, the anti-fairy flung its arm away from him. It made his own arm feel a bit weird, but he didn’t care. “Don’t touch me,” he hissed.

An evil smile spread on the reflection’s face. “Why should I listen to you? You hold no power over me. If anything, you should obey me because I clearly am the vastly superior version of you. Of course, you cursed me with a truly pathetic body and a positively appalling personality, but I have one thing you don't have. Know what that is?” 

Both pairs of eyes narrowed at each other, one in anger, the other in amusement. Anti-Cosmo didn’t dignify his clone with a response so it continued talking anyway. He knew himself well enough to know that it wouldn't matter what he said.

“Hey dumbell, I'm talking to you, you're supposed to respond. Since you're apparently too incompetent to even have a guess, the answer is I have thousands of years of memories and hundreds of experiences from reflecting everyone who's ever found me. And occasionally their opposites. Knowledge like that is the most important thing, and you have absolutely no knowledge of anything. Additionally, I know how to self reflect. You don't. That's the biggest problem here.” 

“... you really love talking, do you?” 

The reflection smirked. “I would say you're throwing stones in glass houses, but as a creature made of glass that would reflect worse on me than you.” 

“Mhm. Whatever you say,” Anti-Cosmo mumbled. He lifted his want and poofed back to his own room next door to go back to listening to old audio books. The last thing he wanted to do was listen to this weird clone thing. Surely he would have heard about it by now if two Cosmos were terrorizing Fairy World, so whatever Cosmo did must have went away eventually. There was bound to be just a simple anti-clock he had to wait out. 

Surprisingly, the reflection didn’t follow the young anti-fairy. Instead it raised its voice to be heard through the wall. “Go ahead and ignore me. It'll just make you suffer unimaginable pain and prove how pin headed you are! But if that's what you want to do, be my guest.” 

Anti-Cosmo couldn't help but smile slightly. “Awe, someone can't use magic, can he? A pity. If you're oh so smart, why don’t you use the doors like all piteous magicless creatures do so we can talk like you oh so desperately want to do?” 

“And just go through a rigamarole of you constantly poofing me back into this room out of spite in order to feel a false sense of superiority? No thanks, I'll just wait in Anti-Schnozmo’s room for you to come crawling back.” Surprisingly, the reflection went quiet after that. And true to its word, it didn’t come flying around to Anti-Cosmo. 

It was a bit alarming. Unlike the real Anti-Cosmo, the reflection seemed to have a goal in mind, so if it was really a copy of the young anti-fairy, he would never give up that easily. 

A sudden sharp pain overcame Anti-Cosmo, making it feel like his left eye just got slashed by something. Immediately he put his hand over said eye and hissed in pain. 

“Told you,” the reflection wheezed from the other room.

With one hand over his eye, the other hand lifted up his rattle and poofed him back to his brother’s room. Inside was the reflection, holding its hands in pain over its right eye. It looked up at Anti-Cosmo with its blue eyes. “S-so are we going to Fairy World now?”

“No! I need to know what just happened! I don’t just jump into situations willy nilly without knowing what’s going on.”

“Really? I have a reflection of all your memories you know, and you don’t have a great track record of knowing what’s going on.”

Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes. “Yes, but I have an excellent track record of not doing what I’m told to do if I don’t want to do it. You want to go to Fairy World, I don’t. The burden of persuasion falls on your pathetic shoulders.”

The reflection grumbled. “You’re so annoying… but if it’ll get you to stop idiotically killing us, then fine. As a reflection, I can’t help you if you don’t help yourself. As long as you’re trying to reflect, I’ll stay together. If you stop trying or keep living in denial I will start to shatter.” It took its hands off its eye to show a big crack over the eye that wasn’t there before. “My pain is reflected onto you as of now, and vise versa too. Everything one of us feels the other does too, therefore you’ll shatter as much as I do, at least in a way. Before you get your hopes up, no, the shattering will not kill either of us. We’re both as immortal as ever. I’ll just go back to my cave and you’ll go back to normal, but before I completely shatter, you’ll be in excruciating pain, and you won't learn anything about yourself either. Even someone as stupid as you should be able to piece together how unideal that would be.”

“I’m supposed to learn something about myself? Ug, you sound like my brother.”

“I hate my role in this job as much as you would. If I could be a reflection of literally any other being in the universe I would in a heartbeat.”

Anti-Cosmo raised his rattle. “Well, lucky you then, I hate you more than I hate Fairy World and learning. The faster I can get rid of you the better, and if that means talking to the insufferable genius that is my counterpart-” The crack grew larger as Anti-Cosmo stood around talking, making both him and his reflection flinch in pain.

“So, Ninny, are you going to go to Fairy World already or do you want to just continue to do nothing of substance and suffer unimaginable pain?” 

“Fine,” the anti-fairy hissed. He removed one hand from his still closed eye and made his wand appear. He started the long sequence of poofing them both a couple feet at a time all the way to Fairy World. 

The whole time, his reflection continued to berate him. With each poof, Anti-Cosmo got more and more annoyed at what the reflection kept repeating. It sounded just like his mother, just with his voice. He knew that he would never, ever act anything like this to someone he actually cares about like Anti-Wanda, but to people he had less interest in, it seems he had less morals. 

Was this what he was supposed to self reflect on? His double standards? 

Probably not. Anti-Cosmo didn’t really care about the opinions of someone he insults. And he shouldn’t. The leader of a country should only care about the needs of his citizens and his country, not the rest of the universe, everyone else is irrelevant until he owns the universe.

Whatever he needed to do was whatever the opposite of what Cosmo did. His whole life was controlled by that fairy. Is he supposed to reflect on how little free will he has? Between Cosmo magically pushing him around, Anti-Binky and the school system legally pushing him around, and just the universe being unfair, no matter how much he rebelled, he can’t change everything. But he could at least take some of those factors away- namely Anti-Binky. Although, the question of ‘where does Cosmo’s opposite stop and Anti-Cosmo as his own individual’ begs to be answered. Granted, that answer would require more time to be spent with Cosmo and Anti-Cosmo hates that.

Anti-Cosmo was brought out of his thoughts when it felt like glass hit his head. “Ow, what was that for? I’m taking you to Fairy World, what else do you want from me?”

“Stop thinking so much!”

“... that can’t possibly be the lesson I’m supposed to learn here.”

The reflection groaned. “It’s not, but never in my thousands of years of existence have I contemplated my position in the universe so much! I’ve never wanted a better life. Do you know how miserable it is to help all these braindead denizens? I live life in a liminal space between life and death until some sod comes along and I become enslaved by their likeness in every way. What am I? What am I like when I’m not reflecting? …A-am… I really alive?”

“That sounds like something you should think about while in your liminal space, not with me. I could not care less about the thing that attached itself to me via no fault of my own and is built to torture me.”

The reflection groaned as the two kept teleporting bit by bit. “I hate you so much. You’re such a miserable subject to reflect.” It waved its hand in front of its eyes, its pupils following the hand’s movement. “And of all the people and creatures I’ve been, I’ve never had this bad of-” suddenly an overwhelming knot appeared in the reflection’s throat, and therefore got reflected to Anti-Cosmo too. It immediately made them unable to talk and just caused a completely inability to breath. The young anti-fairy stopped poofing around for a second to try and fix the problem. Even as an immortal species with no need for oxygen, being unable to breath wasn’t pleasant by any means. 

It took a few seconds, but they both wheezed back to normal. “W-what was that!?”

“I told you already… I can’t tell you the answers. If you genuinely don’t know something about yourself, I can’t talk about it.”

“Then, pray tell, why did you even try?”

The reflection tsked. “Because you don’t think about the consequences of your actions, even if it puts yourself and others into danger! And it’s really pathetic that you are well aware of that, yet don’t do anything to change your ways unless Anti-Wanda is involved. Everything I do is because you would do it. Can you just keep poofing us?”

Tsking in response, Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes and started poofing again. “Whatever…”

It wasn’t too long before they ended up in Fairy World, and Cosmo wasn’t too hard to find either, he was at the park he likes, staring at the clouds. Hearing the magic, he looked towards it to see the two nearly identical figures approaching. Smiling, Cosmo jumped to his feet. More so, jumped to his feet floating above the ground. “Not-me~ Hello~ And now there's two of you, that's so cool!” 

“Shut up and tell me what you did to get rid of the mirror.” Anti-Cosmo wanted to get this all over with as fast as possible.

Cosmo tilted his head. “... the mirror?”

“He’s referring to me,” the reflection said. “You called me ‘Other Me’, as insufferable as that nickname is.”

The elevator music in Cosmo’s brain chimed as he stared blankly at them. Suddenly he was able to put two and two together. “Ooooh, Other Me! You’re Not Me now, that’s so fun! Other Not Me~ …Or Not Other Me? Me Not Other…?”

Anti-Cosmo grumbled. He knew Cosmo was just putting on an act to waste time and torture him.

Suddenly a sharp pain overcome the two blue magical creatures. Anti-Cosmo and the mirror both fell to the cloud coated floor, their hands on their respective faces as the crack over the mirror’s eye grew to reach its chin.

Cosmo landed his feet on the floor too, but unlike the other two it was by choice. He took a step towards them. “A-are you okay? What can I do to help?”

The fairy’s high pitched hollow words felt like insult to injury. Anti-Cosmo gritted his teeth as he glared at his opposite with one eye. The other his still hand his hands over. “If you desire to “help” then stop lollygagging and just say what you did!”

“....oh…. Uhhh……… me and other me played together. For a while.”

“Then what?” The reflection asked. It knew the answer, it just wanted Cosmo to say it.

“I…. said I was lonely. Schnozmo is always on Earth and you are always in the place I’m not allowed to even think about going to. Mama and Jorgen are the only people that talk to me, but they don’t do a lot of fun things. Playing with Other Me was sooo fun~ And I think I really really like this girl with swirly hair I met~ She didn’t care that I talked about monkeys for too long~ I told Other Me that I think she’d be super fun to play with just like Other Me was, and I should invite her on a play date! Then Other Me hugged me and said I did amazing and then melted into a shiny puddle. That last part was really scary actually, I cried.”

Anti-Cosmo took his hands off his face, but was still standing on the clouds. He looked at his opposite judgementally. “Loneliness? That’s the most pressing concern in your life?”

“...Yes?”

“That means I have to admit I’m the opposite of lonely?” Anti-Cosmo looked to the reflection standing beside him. “Anti-Wanda is my best friend, and she’s the best person in the universe. I could never be lonely if she’s near me. Now go away.”

The reflection sighed. “As true as that is, you knew that for years now. It’s really not going to be that easy, you imbecile. When will you get that through your thick head?"

“Heyyy, Other Not Me, that doesn’t sound very nice. You should apologize,” Cosmo interjected. “Mama always tells me-”

“Quiet, Fairy” the two said in unison, for different reasons. It did make Cosmo stop talking.

Exhausted and long past ready for this to be over by now, Anti-Cosmo was willing to say just about anything. “What do you want me to say? I can list everyone I know and explain how I’m not lonely. Anti-Blonda, she’s fine. Annoying for sure, but I appreciate how much she cares about her sister. Maria is also fine, I mildly enjoy her company. The leprichauns… they are definitely people who exist in the same room as me from time to time. One’s pretty tolerable, the other is just barely tolerable at best, that’s the highest praise I can give them. And Anti-Schnozmo… he’s annoying, selfish, very unsupportive, a complete spineless loser, and much more, but I suppose that… I…… love him.”  Anti-Cosmo gagged after saying that. He’s never said that word about someone before, at least as far as he remembers. It just felt so disgusting to say, even if it was technically true. “That was the most difficult thing I’ve ever said in my life, can you go now?”

“Hm,” the reflection hummed. “While your inability to meaningfully process your emotions and say a simple word is a problem, it’s not the one the universe deems important for you to learn at the moment. Try better.”

Anti-Cosmo was running out of options. He turned his glare back to Cosmo. “Liar,” he hissed.

“W-wha-”

The young anti-fairy took a step toward his counterpart. They were inches from each other now. “I know you lied about what got the reflection to liquefy just to squander my time and prolong this repugnant affair!”

“I don’t know what you’re saying…”

“Can you go without trying to torture me just for five seconds! ? I know you’re not actually st-” 

He couldn’t finish the sentence, the sharp pain that was unfortunately becoming all too familiar overcame him again as the cracks started growing exponentially. Anti-Cosmo was going to fall over from the feeling, but Cosmo caught him before he could actually hit the ground. 

“D-donn touuchhmmmm-” Anti-Cosmo tried to say through the pain, but it wasn’t legible enough for Cosmo to know what he was saying. 

“Ah! Uh, i-it’s okay, I can help you-” Not sure what to do, Cosmo just defaulted to hugging his counterpart as tight as he could. It’s what his mom does to him whenever he gets hurt.

Anti-Cosmo has never hated anything more than having Cosmo’s arms wrapped around him, but he was too entrapped in the mirror magic to use his own magic and poof away. He was just thinking about how evil Cosmo must be, knowing full well that his anti-fairy opposite would hate hugs as much as he loves them, and giving Anti-Cosmo one just to torture him. 

The cracks started getting much worse. At this rate, the mirror would shatter in less than a minute. It was unbearable. Everything was. Tears started forming in Anti-Cosmo’s eyes, which just made Cosmo hold him tighter. “No no, don’t cry. I’m here, I won’t leave, you’re my best friend.”

Anti-Cosmo was still struggling and failing to escape Cosmo’s hug, the pain only getting worse and worse and his mind raced faster and faster.

Then suddenly it all stopped. 

“You…… genuinely like me…” Anti-Cosmo mumbled.

Cosmo nodded. “Why wouldn’t I? You’re me. And I love me~ We’re great! Do you feel better?”

“.........” Anti-Cosmo couldn’t say anything, he just stared at his opposite. If Cosmo genuinely liked him and wasn’t trying to torture him, that means Cosmo just doesn’t know how anti-fairies work. Despite interacting with one multiple times. And it means all those times he ‘played dumb’ he wasn’t trying to manipulate. He’s just genuinely like that. 

Cosmo was just an idiot. 

Anti-Cosmo’s whole world view started shattering like a mirror.

The reflection behind him sat up on the clouds. Unlike Anti-Cosmo, it didn’t have someone there to catch it, but it didn’t matter, it was starting to melt. The thousands of cracks were being filled in as it magically started retiring. It’s job was done. “Took you long enough, idiot… or anti-idiot I guess. I hope I never have the displeasure of meeting you again.” After those for last words, the magic mirror melted into a reflective puddle, then evaporated into nothingness to go back to the cave. Anti-Cosmo and Cosmo both didn’t pay much attention to that—Cosmo was too concerned about Anti-Cosmo, and Anti-Cosmo was too busy rethinking every single thing he ever knew. 

If Cosmo wasn’t a super genius, and was in fact quite the opposite, how could Anti-Cosmo not have noticed for all these years?

Chapter Text

Anti-Cosmo poofed into the bedroom on the other side of the wall from his. He waited for the inevitable scream, poof away, then poof back before he started. “Brother of mine. Pray tell, what's this?” He held up a picture of a bird he ripped out of an audio/physical hybrid book. 

Anti-Schnozmo blinked. He had no idea what was going on or if it had to do with the weird mirror thing that happened the day before. “Um… a marabou?” 

“Sorry Anti-Schnozmo, I was looking for roseate spoonbill. Zero points for you.” He put the picture down. “I also would have accepted ‘I don’t know, something white and pink’ as an accurate answer, since it's what I would have said.”

“......o…kay…?” 

“Not that you asked, but I have recently come to realize that Cosmo is a bumbling buffoon. Which means I am likely not one. My wand, my school uniform, my social label- it's all likely for naught. Does that mean I've been lied to literally my whole life by everyone unwittingly or not? Perhaps. And I believed those lies without question and made excuses and explanations to make everything make sense. Alas, now that I’m privy to the truth that means everything I know could all be lies… Am I handling that information well? Yes, quite so, I’m doing great, thank you for asking. Honestly I’m appalled you would hurl such an accusation at me. Do I have a plan on how to turn it all around? Why of course I do, what a stupid thing for you to ask me, Anti-Schnozmo. It's like you don't know me at all.”

“...huh?” 

“To summarize: It has come to my attention that I most likely need glasses.” 

“Oh… wow, that actually… makes so much sense.” Anti-Schnozmo couldn't believe that in the four years of being Anti-Cosmo's brother he never put two and two together and guessed his brother had a physical disability rather than a mental one. It never quite added up that Anti-Cosmo was just ‘an idiot that doesn't know how to read or fly, but is also smart enough to retain the hundreds of books he's listened to and to plan intricate plots that end up kind of working half the time’, yet Anti-Schnozmo just believed that without question since that's what everyone insisted.

Their dad used to wear massive glasses too before he got banished to Earth, so maybe it was hereditary. 

The young anti-fairy nodded. “Indeed it does. That's where you come in. I will completely forgive you for being a terrible brother if you acquired a usable pair of glasses for me.”

“T-terrible brother!? W-what do you mean?” He knew he was a terrible brother, working with the ruler of Anti-Fairy World to ruin Anti-Cosmo’s life was objectively not a good thing to be doing, but he didn’t know how Anti-Cosmo would know he was doing that.

“The dream thing. Duh. Even if I acknowledge your existence now, I’m still bitter that you reveled in me being an emotionless unmotivated husk. What else would it be? You don’t have any secret terrible actions against me, do you?”

Anti-Schnozmo gulped. He was thankful that his brother was still pretty unobservant and clueless, but being put on the spot like this was still anxiety inducing. Instead of answering the question, knowing his words would be reversed if he did, he just said “Anti-Cosmo, y-you shouldn’t just run and get glasses the same day you just kinda decided you need them…” 

“Why not? Worst case scenario, I just don't need them, and we return them immediately. Best case scenario, my life is forever vastly improved. Plus, I'll stop asking you to read everything for me if I can learn to read on my own.”

There was no good rebuttal to that. Besides maybe ‘Anti-Binky probably wouldn't be a fan of you getting fully functional vision’, but that's a one way ticket to getting permanently disowned by his brother. Reluctantly, Anti-Schnozmo shrugged. “Yeah, you're right, I don’t see a good reason why not.” 

The anti-teen held up his wand, but instead of glowing blue, it just flopped over and the black tip turned a dark ashy gray. 

“And why, pray tell, couldn't you just poof them up?”

“Uhh, let's see…” Anti-Schnozmo poofed up a magical letter and started reading it. “It seems like glasses are covered under mum's insurance… but… uh… in the notes she put ‘don't let my stupid kids be able to use my insurance. If they're dying it's because they deserve it, let them die’…the… glasses must be under that… too…” 

Anti-Cosmo sighed. “Typical. I guess plan B is next- how much money do you have?” 

“Like $150 I think.” 

“Excellent. I have 12 cents. Combining our net worths, we should be able to get glasses without the need of worthless insurance or magic.” 

Money is kind of useless in a world where everyone can just use magic to get anything they want, but the pixies insisted on making a legal currency regardless. It has its niche uses however. Such as now, where magic couldn’t help them much.

At Anti-Cosmo’s command, the anti-teen poofed the two off them off to find an anti-fairy optometrist. 

Anti-Cosmo turned the page of the paperwork he was holding and started looking over the page, nodding as his eyes scanned it. “You know, when I have glasses, I’ll be able to read what this says.”

“You haven't been able to read since you were born… It… like… might take a lot of time before you could actually read anything, you know. And that’s only if you can get working glasses in the first place.”

“My name is Anti-Schnozmo; I don’t like my brother having any modicum of hope or anticipation.”

“Wha-! I-I didn’t-...” Anti-Schnozmo sighed. “I genuinely don’t want you to stop having ‘hope or anticipation’, Anti-Cosmo. I just want you to be more responsible and realistic about things…”

“My name is Anti-Schnozmo; blah blah blah blah blah.”

Ends up Anti-Schnozmo wanted his brother not only to be more responsible and realistic, but him being more mature definitely wouldn’t hurt either. He knew it was useless to get into an argument with a four year old about maturity. 

Instead he just looked around the waiting room while Anti-Cosmo kept pretending to read him paperwork. The two were sitting in Dr. Anti-Studwell’s office, he was the most popular doctor in Anti-Fairy World, so there was bit of a wait to be his patient. In fact, there weren't many anti-fairy doctors in the first place. Ends up most the time, the opposite of a fairy who heals the injured is an anti-fairy who actively hurts people. Dr. Anti-Studwell isn’t a perfect doctor, but he has a reputation of genuinely caring about his patients and successfully healing them. Not only that, he didn’t require the Anti-Cosmas to pay anything, despite their lack of insurance. All they had to do was fill out a few pages with Anti-Cosmo’s medical history.

Obviously Anti-Schnozmo filled the whole thing out, Anti-Cosmo can’t read or write, but it wasn’t hard to fill out, the anti-teen knew everything there was to know about his brother. Realistically, between their mom who was always who knows where and obviously hated both of them, and their dad who was banished before either of them had consciousness and doesn’t even know they’re alive, they were each other’s only actual family. Unless you count the Anti-Fairywinkles as family, that is—Anti-Cosmo definitely forced his way into their lives and made them a second family of sorts, and the weird purple eyed time traveling child does seem to prove that they will, in fact, become his in-laws eventually. Yet, according to the same time traveler, there is a chance that Anti-Schnozmo won’t be around to see them become his in laws.

He didn’t get much time to dwell on that fact because the two anti-fairies got poofed into the doctor's office proper. 

Dr. Anti-Studwell smiled at the two brothers. He had flat white hair and tired red eyes. He had on a white doctor’s coat with green accents, it was the type of bright outfit that doesn’t fit Anti-Fairy complexion well at all, but it was the most sanitary and safe attire he could wear. “So sorry for the wait. May I have that paperwork, young man?”

“Sure.” Anti-Cosmo handed it over. “I can save you the trouble of reading it. I'm partially blind and need that fixed post haste.”

Being a doctor with lots of experience reading, plus being magical did help, Dr. Anti-Studwell was able to read the paperwork nearly instantly. He nodded, realizing something. “Ah, I see.” He looked to Anti-Schnozmo. “Do you genuinely think he needs glasses? It seems like his other diagnosis here could cause a lot of similar behaviors."

“Yes, I do. Those medical records are nothing but biased lies.” Anti-Cosmo answered, despite knowing he wasn’t being asked. 

“Um… Yeah? Maybe? I mean, obviously I don’t know for sure, but, like, I’m sure he’d know more about his eyes than I do…”

The doctor clapped his hands together. “Well, if you think so, there’s no harm in trying, is there?” With a magical snap, a floating eye chart appeared, along with a seat that Anti-Cosmo sat in without needing any instruction. 

Anti-Studwell pointed to the big black E on the chart, looking at Anti-Cosmo. “What color is this?”

“I know my colors, I'm not brain dead. It's black.”

He moved his point. “This one?”

“Red.” 

“This one?”

“Yellow.”

“Excellent, and what letter is this?” Dr. Anti-Studwell pointed to a giant letter E again. Anti-Cosmo didn’t say anything, he just stared blankly. “Don’t be shy, give it your best guess.”

“I… don’t know… A?”

“Do you know what an A looks like?”

“Yeah, it's a sharp convergence of lines forming an acute angel in an upward point with a line through it, or it’s a circle with a tail depending on the case.”

“Wowwie, it looks like someone has a very good memory, doesn’t he? Good job, Kiddo.” Anti-Cosmo rolled his eyes at that, but Dr. Studwell continued and pointed to an A on the eye chart. “And what letter is this?”

“... N?”

They kept asking and answering back and forth, the eye chart getting closer and farther from Anti-Cosmo. No matter what, he was always just blindly guessing what letter it was, it just always looked like a non-distinct blob of color. 

After about 15 tries, the doctor sighed and looked back to Anti-Schnozmo “I’m very sorry, but he's not blind. It looks like he just doesn't know his alphabet yet.”

“I don't know my alphabet yet!?” Anti-Cosmo exclaimed “I'll show you who doesn't know an alphabet yet! Aardvark, aardwolf, aback, abacus, abaft, abalone, abampere, abandon, abapical-” Anti-Cosmo just kept listing off every single word he knew in alphabetical order. Anti-Schnozmo and Anti-Studwell were able to easily tune him out. 

Anti-Studwell put a comforting hand on the anti-teens's shoulder. “I'm so sorry. I know he seems like he knows what he's talking about, but there's a 99% chance he's just very very good at repeating things he hears. He's not actually retaining or understanding a lot of it.” 

Anti-Schnozmo looked at his brother. “No, he definitely understands everything he does and says. He doesn't think things through or doesn't care about consequences half the time, but he understands it. What's the 1% chance? I think that's probably him.” 

The doctor shook his head. “I know it must be hard to come to terms with, but your brother is special… I read his diagnosis. What's broken inside of him can't be fixed with glasses, or with anything really.”

“Abort, aboudikro, you know what?” Anti-Cosmo jumped up from the seat and raised his brother's wand hand into the air, obviously trying to get him to teleport them away. “I think it's about time we abscond from this absurd anti-clinic and find someone who actually knows what they're talking about and isn't just spewing nonsense.” 

Anti-Schnozmo nodded. “Um… Yeah, okay. Thanks for seeing us, doctor.”

“Anti-thanks. You didn’t do anything.” Anti-Cosmo grumbled, sticking his tongue out at the doctor.

With a poof the Anti-Cosma brothers vanished. Anti-Studwell sighed, but he didn't have time to dwell on his patients, he had others waiting for him in the lobby.

A fairy with a massive done up blonde hair style and an even bigger smile greeted them with an upbeat voice. “Hello~ Welcome to Dr. Rip Studwell- famous doctor and actor of a doctor in plays-’s office! I’m Sasha, how may I help you?” 

“I need glasses. How much would it cost?” the anti-toddler said.

“I'll get right on that~ Please wait!” The fairy took out her abacus and started tapping away at the beads, and writing things down on a long scroll as she did.

Anti-Schnozmo looked around nervously. He absolutely hated being in Fairy World under any circumstances, but he had no good choice. Every single doctor and optometrist in Anti-Fairy World was either Anti-Studwell or they required usable insurance before even thinking about giving a check up. Fairy World would mostly be the same, but Rip Studwell had the tagline of ‘I will do anything for the right price.’ Not the most promising tagline, but Pixies all essentially had the same motto so it wouldn't be much different for that. 

He would rather be in Pixie world, but Anti-Cosmo insisted that they go here, complaining about how much he hated Anti-Studwell. He probably was banking on the ‘if i hate this guy I should love his exact opposite’ mindset, even though that midset had a shockingly low accuracy. Opposite magic tends to be random with what it reverses, and how it reverses it, so it can be impossible to guess what the other end will look like. 

By the looks of it, the opposite of a judgmental doctor who does medicine out of the kindness of his heart is an even more judgmental doctor who does medicine for the ego and money of it. 

The receipt Anti-Schnozmo was handed just further proved his suspicions. “$1,057,100 for just the appointment to see if he needs glasses in the first place?!”

Sasha nodded. “That’s right~” 

“What? Why is it so high?” Anti-Cosmo asked.

“Um,” Anti-Schnozmo started reading. “Seems like 3,000 for the doctor’s time, 2,000 for the equipment costs, 50,000 for the ‘complimentary’ autograph, 100 for a deposit, 2,000 for working with children fee, and…”

The young anti-fairy raised an eyebrow. “And what? You’re missing the million.”

“...I would rather not say…”

Anti-Cosmo took the receipt from his brother as if he could read it, but he still couldn’t. Frustrated, he gave the receipt back to the receptionist. “What’s the final expense?”

“Oh~” She smiled sweetly at him. “That one’s the anti-fairy fee!”

“Anti-fairy fee?”

She nodded. “Mhm! Dr. Studwell values his time, so for difficult clients we have prices to reflect that. That’s why there’s a children’s fee and an anti-fairy fee. There would be a fairy pet fee too if you were a fairy pet.”

“What’s the cost of the pet fee?”

“Anti-Cosmo, don’t ask that, let’s just go… We can’t afford it here no matter what.”

The secretary hovered her hand over a big red button on her desk. “If you can’t pay then I’ll make security escort you two out. We need to make sure you don’t steal anything~” She pushed the button and immediately a large burly fairy with dark purple, buzz cutted hair poofed in and grabbed the two young anti-fairies. The security fairy’s hands were so large, their grip encompassed the two’s entire bodies. Even if anti-fairies don’t need to breathe, the death grip on them from the neck down made it impossible to. “The pet fee would be $3,000 by the way~ Unless it’s an anti-pet, then it’s a $1,003,000 fee. Anti-creatures are just such terrible things, Dr. Studwell must be compensated for having to put up with them.” As she talked, the big smile and cheery tone still never left. 

They couldn’t say anything before the security fairy poofed outside, the anti-fairies still in hand, then he shook them vigorously to make sure nothing was in their pockets. Satisfied with nothing coming out, the fairy let go and poofed away.

“That… w-we shouldn’t go to anti-fairy world, Anti-Cosmo…”

The green eyed anti-child glared at his brother. “Yeah, I know, I am not stupid! ” 

“Oh, sorry, I-I didn’t mean to-”

“I wish you were Anti-Wanda. She wouldn’t have gotten us into this mess.”

“...... um…o-okay… She doesn’t exactly have working magic or money so I guess you’re technically right…”

“Just-... just take us to Pixie World.”

As always, Anti-Schnozmo listened, feeling like he didn’t have much of a choice.

“Hm. Interesting,” a pixie mumbled. He looked like every other Pixie, just with an odd magic device that he was shining into Anti-Cosmo’s eyes. The pixie never bothered to take off his sun glasses, so how effective whatever he was doing was kind of questionable, but they literally had nowhere else to turn to at this point. This was the only optometrist in Pixie World that would take them for some odd reason. In fact, the doctor seeing them at the moment was the CEO of the only optometry chain in the world. 

Anti-Cosmo rubbed his eyes. “Mng… that light is horrible…”

“Yes, but a necessary step. It has shown me what your optical diagnosis would be.” That surprised both Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Schnozmo. It was hard to tell because Pixies always sounded so monotone, but it seemed like he actually found something out.

“So what would it be?” Anti-Schnozmo asked.

“It’s a very rare thing to happen, but it seems to be ‘anti-perfect-vision’. It’s an optical disease that can only affect anti-fairies and things of the like, and only if their opposite has 20/20 or above vision. If the conditions are right, occasionally opposites get inflicted with an ailment that does not actually make the eyes themselves warped in any way, it just magically makes everything equally hard to see at all times.”

“Wow, lucky me.” Anti-Cosmo mumbled sarcastically.

 “Yes, you are lucky, we have one pair left that is the perfect prescription. And how much did you say you had again?” 

“$150.12,” Anti-Schnozmo answered. 

“Wow. Lucky you. This pair is on sale and costs exactly 150.11.” The pixie said in the usual monotone of their species. He put the glasses onto the young anti-fairy’s face. 

Immediately, The change was apparent. Anti-Cosmo started blinking and darting his eyes around. 

It was amazing! Never in his life has the world looked so amazing and full of life, and that's really saying something considering they're in Pixie World.

Everything was crisp, shaped, with visible texture, everything. He was completely baffled how most people could see like this daily and not spend the whole time just amazed and gawking at anything they see. It was overwhelming honestly, and, again, in the sensory deprivation capital of the universe known as Pixie World, that’s really saying something. 

“So… d-do they work?” Anti-Schnozmo asked. He had a hunch what the answer was, but Anti-Cosmo was being eerily quiet, so it was hard to tell for sure. 

The young Anti-Fairy set his eyes on his older brother. To think, for years he never actually knew what he looked like. He looked as unsettling as Anti-Cosmo has always heard people say—the lack of nose was so uncanny, even to a person who’s never seen a face properly before. 

Despite him looking uncanny, Anti-Cosmo couldn’t help but be grateful to actually be able to see his brother. In fact, Anti-Cosmo felt a lot of things, too many things to even remotely be put into words. All of it at once was honestly nauseating.

Worried now at how quiet his brother was being, Anti-Schnozmo waved his hand in front of Anti-Cosmo’s face. “A-Anti-Cosmo, are you okay?”

“It seems like he’s in a state of sensory overload,” The pixie explained. “That should wear off after some time, but as for now-” He took the glasses off Anti-Cosmo’s face. 

With everything suddenly becoming the all too familiar unintelligible bloods of color again, Anti-Cosmo was able to let out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “...That… was… wow………” He glared at Anti-Schnozmo. “You could see like that this whole time and never bothered to tell me???”

“...I-I guess… um… sorry…”

“Did you enjoy it?” The pixie asked. 

“Of course I did!~ Everything was just so…” His eyes sparkled. “I can’t wait to see Anti-Wanda with those on!”

The pixie nodded. “Excellent. Seems as though you will have to wait though.”

C R A C K

With a shockingly rehearsed motion, the pixie crushed the glasses in his hands, shattering them and twisting the frames. He let go and had the broken remains fall to the floor. 

The two anti-fairies watched in horror. Even without glasses on, Anti-Cosmo could tell what happened. “W-what the hell!?”

The pixie gave a small smile, but even as tiny as it was, it had such malice and confidence behind it. It was such a small expression in the scheme of things, but it was the pixie equivalent of an evil mastermind flailing his arms out and laughing maniacally as dramatically as possible. “Ha. I can’t believe you don’t recognize me, your arch nemesis.”

“ What??? ” 

“Anti-Cosmo… I am…” The pixie took off his sunglasses, as if that would clear anything up. ”Grey Foreman.”

“ .......... Who????? ”

“I was working at Pixie Inc when you and your pink eyed friend got me fired from my dream job two years one week and four days ago. You were promoted to my position despite being a newborn, being an unpaid intern, and being an anti-fairy. Ever since that day I’ve been plotting my revenge. I heard of your inability to read and started researching why an anti-fairy with your level of commitment wouldn’t be able to learn how to do the most simple task that even newborns could accomplish. That’s when I learned about anti-perfect-vision. From that day on, I started working to accomplish a monopoly on prescription glasses in Pixie World just to make sure I had the only pair of magic glasses in the whole country, so I could potentially see you lose your dreams too. That is only if you did in fact have anti-perfect-vision, ever found out you needed said glasses and if you could not acquire a pair in Anti-Fairy World and Fairy World and then turned to Pixie World. It was an unlikely gamble, yet it paid off. I am in hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt from running these stores and will never financially recover from it in my entire immortal life, but it was all worth it. I win. Ha. Ha ha. Ha.” 

Anti-Cosmo just stared at him. He opened his mouth to say something, but it just hung open instead, he was speechless. He was even more nauseous now than he was with the glasses on. 

“Jeez… That was… u-uncalled for…” Anti-Schnozmo mumbled. 

“I regret nothing.”

“Anti-Schnozmo, poof us home…” Anti-Cosmo said. His voice was quiet and emotionless. The anti-teen obeyed as always and in a flash they appeared back at their house in Anti-Fairy World. 

It was eerily quiet as the two just floated there, unspeaking. Unmoving. Even unblinking. Anti-Cosmo staring at the ground, Anti-Schnozmo staring at his brother.  

It wasn’t long before the quiet made Anti-Schnozmo’s anxiety run too wild. He hated seeing Anti-Cosmo so distraught like that. “Um, w-we could probably go try Anti-Studwell again. Grey was… kinda stupid telling us a detailed explanation huh?”

“......Anti-Fairies get magical items like glasses from Pixies…”

“Oh… Yeah… Guess so… uhhh… maybe a genie could-”

“Don’t pretend like you care.” Anti-Cosmo muttered. “It’s useless. Everything’s useless. Genies, elves, leprichauns, gnomes—it doesn’t matter. They’ll all end in failure, that’s the only result I can ever achieve. There’s no way to win, ever.”

Anti-Schnozmo tried to put a comforting hand on his head, but that immediately got shoved away. “Come on Anti-Cosmo, you don’t always fail. You succeed sometimes. Like one time you… um… you destroyed a warehouse I think. Actually, no, that’s a bad example…”

“Guess what, you win. Congratulations. I give up.” In a blue poof, Anti-Cosmo teleported to his room and just laid on the floor, giving up. 

It didn’t take long for his brother to poof in after him. “L-Like… Give up give up? Forever?”

“Will you go away?”

From the tone used, that obviously was a ‘yes’. Anti-Schnozmo should be ecstatic, Anti-Cosmo stopped having his dangerous and unrealistic dream, and Anti-Binky’s quest was finished once and for all. But instead he just couldn’t feel anything but guilt and sorrow. This wasn’t like when he went to the sandman and just became apathetic to everything—this time he was just so dismal.

Suddenly an idea popped into Anti-Schnozmos’s head. He hated the idea with every fiber of his being, but he hated seeing his brother like this more. “You know… I think there might be a pair of glasses you can have…” The anti-teen vanished then, a bit later, reappeared with said pair of glasses in his hand. They were big round dorky looking glasses that were quite old to the point of fogging and browning. 

He sat on the floor beside Anti-Cosmo. “These were our dads. I only saw one picture of him before, but I assumed there would be a pair with his old stuff.”

That got Anti-Cosmo off the floor in curiosity. “You know where our dad’s stuff is?”

“Yeah. Legally we have to have his stuff in the house because of reverse laws. But you know the room at the end of the hall that’s absolutely forbidden for us to enter?”

He did know that room, it was next to their mom’s room, which was also forbidden for them to enter. Anti-Cosmo always assumed it was just his mom’s office and he had zero interest in snooping since he could not care less about what she does. Now knowing it was acting as a storage closet of their dad’s stuff didn’t change much, he still had zero interest and zero emotional attachment to Anti-Carter. He did have interest in one thing though. “You broke one of mum’s rules? Disobeyed a direct order?”

“Oh, I-I guess. Yeah~”

“Who are you and what did you do to Anti-Schnozmo?”

Anti-Schnozmo smiled slightly and handed the glasses to his brother. “Just see if they work.”

The young anti-fairy did as he was told and dawned the glasses. The lenses made his green eyes look huge. While yes, the glasses were very old, warped, and rickity, they ended up being way less overwhelming on his eyes. It was much better than the sleek, super high definition glasses the pixie let him try, at least to start off with. 

A book was passed to Anti-Cosmo. “Here, try to see if you can see what this says.”

“.... Aaaah… ffffffffffrrriiissshuh-” Anti-Cosmo theoretically knew what letters looked like due to his countless times trying to teach himself how to read. Even though it was slightly blurry still, the letters were distinct enough to be more than identifiable. All he had to do now was to practice reading so he could learn how to pick up the pace and recognize words at a glance without needing to sound it out. “Oh I know this book, it’s “A Fresh Take on Stars Crossing” by Gnomio Juillet.”

“Hey, it is! Good job~” Anti-Schnozmo put a hand on Anti-Cosmo’s head. This time it didn’t get pushed away. 

“This is amazing~ I can’t wait til I- Wait, I have to show this to Anti-Wanda!” 

“Right now? Isn’t she on vacation with her fami-” He couldn’t finish his sentence before his brother poofed away, book in hand, searching for his best friend. 

Anti-Schnozmo couldn’t help but smile. Sure, Anti-Cosmo probably would go back to his old conquering ways again, but at least he wasn’t a sorrowful mess laying on the floor anymore, and that was worth anything. 

Suddenly, there was a poof behind him. Anti-Schnozmo assumed Anti-Cosmo realized Anti-Wanda wasn’t home and came crawling back, but he couldn’t be more wrong. “So, how’s our plan going?”

The anti-teen spun around to face the ruler of their world. “A-Anti-Binky… Uh… doog gniog s’ti… I-I mean, um…”

“Don’t lie to me, kid. You need to try harder to ruin his life. Now. ”

Anti-Schnozmo looked at the floor. “...I… don’t want to,” he mumbled under his breath. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t quite catch that.” Anti-Binky grabbed Anti-Schnozmo’s shirt and lurched him forwards so their faces were inches away from each other. The king’s red eyes narrowed as his wand in hand was jabbed at Anti-Schnozmo’s cheek, the black star tip glowing blue. “Use your inside voice, you inferior.”

“S-s-sorry sir, I’ll do w-what you say. I can… I will t-try harder to ruin his life.”

“Good.” Anti-Binky lowered his wand and let go off Anti-Schnozmo, rubbing his hand on his clothes as if touching the teen was dirty in some way. “Next time I see you, that twerp better be broken. Or I’ll break you both myself. Got it?”

Anti-Schnozmo nodded. “Y-yes… I… I understand…”

“Excellent. See you soon.” With that, he poofed away. 

Maybe Anti-Cosmo was right- it seems like there’s no way to win.