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Ashlyn was one more sleepless night from tearing her braids out.
She had always managed to cope with being awake alone and functioning on two hours of sleep—but this was getting ridiculous. The bags under her eyes carved darkly into her freckled skin, staring at the ceiling night after night. It was one of those nights that Ashlyn failed to keep both eyes shut for more than a few minutes, restlessly alone in her room.
The quiet enveloping Ashlyn’s small bedroom was still, the familiar shadows slipping through her curtains. Her DDR mat was rolled up in the corner, and her ballet shoes were placed beside her bed. The walls, decorated with posters that she had long memorized, stared back at her as she sat awake.
The incessant ringing in her ears was louder than usual, and her earplugs only provided so much relief.
The redhead reached for her phone, intending to play a playlist she’d created just for nights like this—soft, soothing songs to fill the silence. As she lay on her back, scrolling through her music app, a notification appeared at the top of her screen.
Aiden sent you a message.
A smile tugged at her lips. She had hoped he’d be asleep, but she’d be lying if she said that his company wasn’t appreciated. She clicked it to open.
Aiden: im kinda outside
Ashlyn’s brow furrowed. What was he talking about?
Ashlyn: ??
Ashlyn: outside where
The bubbles disappeared and reappeared a few times.
Aiden: outside ur house
Ashlyn felt her heart lurch. What? Questions started racing through her mind. What was Aiden doing outside her house in the middle of the night? She tossed her blanket aside and sat up, her eyes narrowing at the glowing screen.
Ashlyn: what?
Ashlyn: are u serious
Aiden: yeah im on ur sidewalk
Ashlyn: its 4 am
Aiden: can i come in?
Ashlyn: hold on
She slipped out of bed, her feet landing softly on the cold floor. Quietly, she moved to her window and peered through the curtains. Sure enough, there he was, standing under the streetlight, his figure barely visible in the dim light.
His hair looked an odd orange color under the light, both his hands were stuffed in his sweatpants’ pockets. Ashlyn knocked on the window and Aiden heard it, looking up. Ashlyn motioned for him to come around to the front door and he immediately started towards her house. She grabbed a hoodie from her chair and threw it over her sleep shirt before padding down the hallway, careful not to wake her parents.
When she unlocked the front door and opened it just a crack, Aiden’s familiar, slightly tousled head of hair came into view.
He was wearing a hoodie too, a tracklist on the sleeve and the hood pulled up against the cool night air. His eyes were slightly shadowed with exhaustion.
“Hey,” he said quietly, his usual playful tone absent. Almost everything usual was absent, actually. From black hoodie to his lack of energy—he almost looked like a shadow of himself.
She stepped aside to let him in. “What’s going on, Aiden? Why are you here?”
He shrugged, stepping into the warmth of her house, and trying a weak smile. “Why not?”
“At four in the morning?” Aiden said nothing, pulling his hood down and toeing off his shoes. “Seriously, Aiden.”
“I didn’t know where else to go, okay?” Aiden said, attempting and failing to cover the exhaustion in his voice. When he looked back up, his expression was slack again.
Ashlyn closed the door behind him, locking it quietly. “You could’ve called or something. Showing up at my house in the middle of the night is a little...”
“Creepy?” He finished for her, with a half-hearted grin that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah, sorry. I just- I didn’t think.”
She didn’t speak as she led him to the stairs, unnerved by how quietly he followed. The silence that replaced his usual chatter made her uneasy. When they reached her room, Ashlyn closed the door behind them and flicked on the low lamp light.
Aiden looked around her room, his eyes briefly settling on the DDR mat like he was remembering something before looking away. He’d been in her room many times, easily sitting down on her bed.
“So?”
Silence.
“Aiden, I need to know why you’re here or I’m gonna think you’re dying or something.”
“I’m fine. I was just bored-”
“Don't lie.”
Aiden’s gaze snapped up at Ashlyn, expression lightening for a moment. She could see clouds of thought behind his eyes as he studied her.
She walked over to him without a word, taking a seat beside him on her bed. The streetlight streaming through the open window lit the side of his face as he struggled to find the right words.
“It’s just,” She gave a small, almost imperceptible nod to encourage him further, “...dumb.”
“It's not-”
“It is, you’ll probably laugh and that’s fine but,” The blonde rifled his hands through his curls, “I- I keep having these nightmares.”
He looked over at her to see her reaction so she carefully controlled her face. “Nightmares?”
Aiden nodded, his shoulders slumping as if a weight had finally settled on them. "Yeah, nightmares," he repeated, his voice barely above a whisper. “They’ve been getting worse. I can’t shake them off.”
Ashlyn’s heart tightened as she watched him. He looked sunken and indescribably worn out. At that moment, it hit her; he was just a kid. He’d taken beating after beating from the universe but he was still a scared sixteen-year-old trying to survive. They all were. Aiden hid it the best—but everyone has a breaking point.
Aiden ran a hand through his curls again, his fingers trembling slightly. He gave a short laugh but it came out sad. "It’s stupid, I know. But every time I close my eyes, it’s like- like I’m back there. I watch people die, and I watch myself die, and- and there’s nothing I can do to stop it."
“You-”
“And there’s blood everywhere, and I don’t even know who’s it is half the time but it’s everywhere- it’s under my nails and in my mouth, and I-"
“Aiden.”
Without thinking, she reached over, grabbing his shaking hands. He stopped short, looking up in surprise.
“You're not there,” She said gently but firmly, holding his gaze. "And it’s not stupid."
His brown eyes were glossy with unshed tears. They widened a bit as he began to shake his head, but Ashlyn just held his hands tighter.
“You're scared. We all are. You don’t have to pretend it’s nothing.”
Aiden looked away, blinking rapidly to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. He tried to pull his hands back, but Ashlyn kept hold of them. “I’m such a mess,” He muttered, a bitter smile tugging at the corners of his mouth as he looked down. “I’m fucking falling apart at your house at four in the morning.”
Ashlyn shook her head. “You’re not a mess, Aiden.”
Aiden’s smile wavered, and he bit his lip, trying to keep his emotions in check as he studied the lint on her blanket. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Any of this. Deal with it. Talk about it. I don’t know how to do anything but joke and ignore it.”
“You don’t have to know how.” His gaze flicked back to hers, an unsurety shining in his eyes. She tried a small smile. “You can just be Aiden. And that’s enough.”
Aiden swallowed hard, his voice barely above a whisper. “I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“I want to be here. I’m,” She softened the tone of voice, “I’m glad you came, okay?”
He looked down at their joined hands, a tear finally escaping and rolling down his cheek. Aiden watched the tear fall, his breathing hitching as more quickly followed. He bit his lip harder, trying to suppress the sob that was building in his chest, but it was no use. The tears kept coming.
“I’m sorry,” he choked out, his voice cracking. “I’m so sorry, Ash.”
Ashlyn felt a lump rise in her own throat, her knuckles turning white from how tightly he clutched them. “It’s okay.”
Aiden shook his head, finally letting out a shaky breath that sounded more like a broken laugh. “It’s not. I’m supposed to be the one who’s got it together, you know?”
“No one has it together all the time.”
“I’m just so tired.”
Ashlyn opened her mouth to speak but she no longer knew what to say. Instead, she unhooked her hands from Aiden’s and carefully wrapped them around his body. She felt his stiffening, but that was okay. She knew he would.
“I know. Just stop pretending you aren’t.”
Aiden’s breath hitched, a ragged, uneven sound vibrating through his chest as he hugged her tightly. She could hear the muffled sobs escaping him, his shoulders shaking with each shuddering breath. The tears fell steadily now, wetting the fabric of his hoodie.
The embrace was tender but firm. Ashlyn was never a good comfort but she wanted to help Aiden, and that made it easy.
As he clung to her, the pressure of his grip softened gradually, and his body finally started to relax into the embrace. His tears dampened the crook of her neck, but Ashlyn didn’t mind. She focused on the steady rise and fall of his breathing, the slow return of calm as he allowed himself to be held in the dim light of Ashlyn’s bedroom.
It reminded her of the hug they shared on the roof.
Eventually, Aiden’s breathing slowed completely. He wiped at his face with the back of his hand as he pulled back. Almost instantly she missed the warmth of his body. He avoided her gaze as he mumbled, “I probably look like a mess.”
“You look like someone who’s been through a lot.”
He chuckled weakly, the sound still heavy with exhaustion but lighter than before. “That’s one way to put it.”
"Are you okay?"
"I'm okay."
Ashlyn hesitated for a moment before asking, “Do you want to stay here tonight?”
Aiden looked up, surprised by the offer. His face and eyes were still reddened with tears. “You sure? I don’t want to be a bother.”
“I’m not letting you walk home at this hour.”
“Thank you,” he said quietly, his voice hoarse. He seemed to think for a moment, trying to find the words. “I really do appreciate-”
“I know,” Ashlyn cut him off gently. “You don’t have to thank me for that, idiot.”
Aiden gave a small nod, his lips forming a tired but earnest smile. He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself as he glanced around the room, scanning for a place to rest.
Ashlyn stood and retrieved an extra pillow and blanket from her close quickly. “Here,” she said, handing them to him. “You can set up over there, if that works.”
He started arranging the makeshift bed on the floor next to her bed. The soft rustling of the blanket against the carpet was the only sound in the room as he worked. Ashlyn watched him, the tension in her own shoulders easing as she did.
“Thanks for this, Ash,” Aiden said quietly as he finished setting up.
“Just get some rest.”
As he lay down on the makeshift bed, Ashlyn climbed back onto her own bed, pulling the covers around her. The room was enveloped in a peaceful silence, save for the occasional creak of the house settling and the soft, rhythmic sounds of their breathing. The minutes ticked by, and for the first time in what felt like forever, Ashlyn felt her body succumb to the weight of sleep.
The gentle rise and fall of Aiden’s breathing set her to sleep.