Work Text:
Colette fidgeted anxiously, staring at a Gene action figure on one of the shelfs. It was nearing the end of their shift, and today has been less busy than what's usual for the gift shop, with most visitors just passing by, taking a look at the endless plushies and cups and T-shirts, then leaving. She looks to the side, and Edgar is fully focused on his Clash Royale battles. She wishes she was that laid back.
The thing is, there's something bothering her. She doesn't know when or how it started; maybe it's always been there, only manifesting itself now for some bizarre reason.
And she wants to talk about it.
"Hey Edgar?" Fuck. She already regrets it.
"Mmh?" Edgar briefly glances at his coworker, seemingly uninterested.
Maybe this was a bad idea.
"Did you know that Poco just released a new song? It's sooo good, you should totally listen to it!" Colette fakes a smile.
"Cool."
She's Colette. Starr Park's crazy stalker, the bubbly cashier, the number one Spike fanfic writer. Not the awkward teenager questioning her gender, that's Edgar's cue (except for the gender questioning part, she thinks). Why can't she act normal for once?
Well, to be fair, not even Edgar seems to be noticing she's acting strange. Not many customers are coming by, and Griff hasn't checked on them for about 2 hours. So who cares? At the end of the day, she's just gonna cry it out in the shower and masturbate while listening to–
"Colette."
Startled, she jolts up to look at Edgar, now with his phone down and looking right into her eyes. "Uh, I don't know, man, you've been acting weird for, like, the whole day."
"... I have?"
"Yeah. Are you okay?"
He knows. He knows he knows he knows he knows he knows he knows.
"Uuuuuuhhhhhh yeah totally!! I'm just uhhh, excited for work to be over, y'know?? 'Cuz– cuz I just CAN'T WAIT to get home and write in my scrapbook again!!!!!" Colette fakes a smile. Again.
Normally, Edgar would scrunch up his face at even the slight mention of the existence of his coworker's freakish hobbies. Now, however, his expression is one of... Confusion?
He knows you're lying.
"Look, bro, you just– You're a really bad liar, Colette." See? Told ya! "I get it if you don't wanna talk about it, but you can't just look at me and say that you're doing fine. Because... I-I don't know. You're, like, sweating a lot and stuff."
Colette is silent. "So like," he continues, "get a hold of yourself, dude."
She remains like this for a good 60 seconds. Edgar does not reprehend her; instead, he simply waits.
And then she speaks.
"Have you ever felt like... uh... l-like you weren't really a boy?"
Edgar thinks for a second. "I dunno."
I'm not a weirdo like you.
No. He didn't say that. Stop it, brain.
"Ah..." Colette puts her hand on the back of her neck. "Sorry, I– I think this is stupid."
"I don't."
"Why?"
Edgar pulls up his scarf. "Your problems aren't stupid, Colette."
The cashier's heart beats a little stronger. She feels more encouraged after that.
"I... don't really know how to explain it," she begins. "Because I do like, y'know... Being a girl. But, like, what does that even mean anyway? It's not like having genitals is a requirement for that, since Nani and Pearl are girls too. And even if you weren't born with them, you can still be like Belle. And even if you just look like a girl, that doesn't say anything either!
"So sometimes I just feel like... something else. Like, something in between. No, not that– not something in between boy and girl, because I don't really feel like a boy at all. Heh, sorry." Edgar smirks. "But maybe... Something that's neither? Ugh, I sound like a lunatic. I always do. Does this make sense?"
"I think it does," Edgar nods.
"I just– I don't know. I don't think I'm transgender, since I don't really feel like a boy, but I don't feel entirely a girl either. It's so weird. It's like only half of my body belongs to me. I'm losing my mind, Edgar! Not even Melodie's signed karaoke DVD could fix it! That's, like, totally a bad sign!!" She puts her hands in her face and pulls them downwards, as if she was to be melting.
"Well–" Edgar looks a little awkward, but not due to lack of empathy. He lets out an embarrassed half-laugh. "Look, I'm gonna be honest, I don't really know much about this kind of stuff. I just know about trans people and, like, nonbinary and that sort of thing, but if–"
"Wait, what was it that you said?"
"Hm? About trans people?"
"No no, after that. What was that word you used?"
"Nonbinary?"
It came through her ears like a soft soundwave and echoed through the walls of her mind. Nonbinary. "Yeah, uh, I-I've never heard of that. What does it mean?"
"Uuhhh... It's basically, like– Actually, I think it might be just what you described. Someone who is neither, like, 100% boy or girl. But like, I just heard it on the Internet, like, once or twice, I don't really..."
Edgar's words were spoken into the air as Colette pulled out her phone and typed nonbinary into the search engine.
Her irises catch yellow, white, purple and black hues harmonically aligned together in stripes. She feels something change inside of her.
Interrupting her trance is the Starr Park alarm ring, which would mean that it's 18:00, which in turn means their shift is over. She briefly puts her phone away and goes to grab her shit in the locker room, with Edgar following suit.
"Hey– Were you even listening to me?" The Gerard Way wannabe asks to no avail as he watches Colette quickly put her scrapbook in her backpack.
"You know what Shelly says! No time to explain!"
She hurries out of the shop and out of the park, almost tripping once or twice to get to the bus stop. Edgar followed her at first, but stopped once he realized she wasn't stopping anytime soon.
Nonbinary. Like music. This was a discovery of a lifetime. How come she had never heard of this? How come she never knew anyone who identified with the term? Or maybe she does, and they haven't told her. Or they don't want to. Either way, the rush was electrifying. Colette steps onto the bus.
Nonbinary. Non... Binary. Not binary. Not... She takes a seat. Not a girl. Not a boy. Not conforming. Not in a box. Different. Unique. Special. Individual. Normal. A knot begins to form in her throat. She will remember this moment for the rest of her life, she hopes.
It's not just weirdness. It's not just teenage angst. It's not just a phase. It's something. Or is it? How can she know for sure? Well, at the very least she is sure that it exists, so it is something. Edgar doesn't think she's weird. Maybe her parents won't either. Maybe Griff won't either. Maybe Spike... ok, Spike would think she's weird either way. But...
Maybe she won't feel weird anymore.
She puts on her earphones and stares out the window, feeling newfound acceptance flow through her bloodstream.
×××
It was around 19:30 when the buzzing of Edgar's phone muffled the music he was listening to. Colette didn't really say anything up until now, so he figured she was still doing her research on today's conversation subject. Either way, he unlocks it to check her texts.
*hey
He quickly responds.
*yo
*thnks 4 listening 2 me earlier
it means a lot
:')
*no probs
u ok?
*yeah
can u do smth 4 me?
i figured u would be cool w it since you helped me today
*yeah what is it?
*could you start using they/them pronouns when referring to me?
its just like a test idk if this is gonna work
but
idk
i kinda feel like it will
its ok if u dont want to :[
*sure
but u want me to like use it w other people?
like w friends and stuff?
*...
its gonna be scary but
yeah
*hardcore
*thank u so much
srsly
*bro ur like the coolest person i know, of course ill do it
and this makes you even cooler imo
*:3
*dont push it
*sorry
On the other side of the line, Colette passionately smiles to themselves.