Chapter Text
Felix should have known.
Emotions were not real. Love was bullshit and a lie.
It was such a sweet, sweet lie and he fell for it.
And still, if he was given the chance to go back in time and choose for himself, he'd do it all over again, because love was also a poison a heart could never understand.
—
With an unbridled straight-face, Felix stared at himself in the mirror, unbothered by the loud whisperings around him about himself. It was everywhere, his name in every person's tongues for no good reason; the sounds of their hushed voices still somehow penetrating through the walls of his room and reaching his ears.
He just stared at his own unmoving reflection, sitting in front of his vanity table for a very long time, wondering since when did the look in his eyes had changed. His only friend, Jisung, told him that his eyes didn't look the same anymore. He said that it used to sparkle before, bursting with twinkling stars and sparkly diamonds, but now, all Felix could see there was nothing. Just darkness. Devoid of anything.
So, Felix stared, realizing that it had been the first time that he had looked at himself in the mirror for a very long time. There was nothing in front of him. He could see nothing in himself. He didn't look tired, not happy, not anything. There's just nothing.
No wonder why his husband wouldn't look at him the same. He couldn't blame him, honestly. Who would want to see this kind of face? He's still beautiful, yes, but he's also lifeless. Like a dead doll, as everyone around him would say. Even the maids and servants would say so, passing words out carelessly, not at all cautious because they knew that the omega wouldn't do anything.
“Excuse me, Lady, the Master was asking for you in his study.” One maid had barged in, not even bothering to knock.
Indifferent, Felix nodded. “I'll be there.”
She left without a word, leaving Felix once again with his thoughts.
He threw one last glance at himself before leaving his room, going to his husband's study at once where he stopped right in front of the oakwood double door where he could hear vivid conversations pouring out from the cracks.
The omega should probably leave, but he couldn't move his feet, staying glued to the floor where the soles of his shoes met the refusing ground.
“Also, Hyunjin, have you considered Yisu Jeong yet?” By the sound of it, the omega was guessing it was Christopher Bang with his husband inside the room.
They were not particularly close, he couldn't even say they were acquaintances. They exchange pleasantries on occasions for the sake of being civil, but other than that, they ignore each other most times. To put it simply, Christopher was one of those people who wasn't so fond of him.
And this conversation where he was mentioning another woman's name in Felix's own home with no regards to him was what exactly someone like Christopher would do.
“What about her?” He heard his husband ask in a neutral tone of voice.
“Come on, Jin. Everybody was talking about how good you look together, and honestly, I can see what it's all about,” Christopher said, his voice dripping with enthusiasm. “Besides, she comes from a good background. The Jeongs had good influence everywhere, and their reputation was truly something to look up to.”
“I see, so there was that kind of gossip going around,” Hyunjin replied indifferently. “Make sure to shut them down the next time.”
The elder alpha sighed in resignation. “Fuck, man, until when are you going to be like this?”
“I have a wife, Chan.”
“You haven't mated him, it wasn't too late to leave him.”
At the suggestion, Felix's chest clenched a little. It was true. In their five years of being together as a married couple, mating had never once been brought up to any conversation. There was a ring on his finger, a name to uphold, but no real mark yet to be proud of.
Christopher was right. Hyunjin was his husband, but not his alpha.
“I'm married to him.” Hyunjin said this time, still devoid of anything.
“Divorce,” Christopher immediately replied like he was just suggesting to put peanut butter on a jelly sandwich. “I know a good lawyer, we'll make sure Felix won't get a single penny.”
“You're exhausting me,” His husband said in response instead. “Leave. I'll call you when you're needed.”
Felix didn't bother to hide as Christopher opened the door after a long time of silence, staying where he was standing the whole while, not too far from the door. They met eyes, a smirk making its way across the other's lips as he slowly closed the door behind him.
“I'll have him divorce you in no time. He's better off without you anyway, you know that, right?” Christopher breathed through his teeth, taunting. “He didn't need an omega like you. You're just tarnishing his name.”
It wasn't something Felix hadn't heard before. He knew everyone thought the same thing about him, he did too, about himself. This kind of animosity wasn't new to him.
“My husband can do as he pleases.” Felix simply replied, aware that a person like him could never interfere in his husband's decision. Had Hyunjin decided to leave him, then the only thing left for Felix to do was to accept it.
He hoped he would.
He'd been praying he would.
Christopher snickered. “I hope he leaves you soon. I don't even know why he still chooses to stay with a disgrace like you. Must be a damn good sex.” The older man threw him a scornful look before walking away, bumping his shoulder into him with no regards.
Felix sighed, dusting off his sleeve where it touched Christopher's before finally knocking on the door. “I'm here.”
“Come in,” He heard his husband respond, and Felix slowly walked inside, stomach fluttering from being surrounded by Hyunjin's fiery scents. “Don't just stand there, sit.” Hyunjin commanded which Felix abided, finding a seat furthest to where the alpha was faced with documents behind his stack of work related files.
“You wanted to talk to me?” Felix asked just to start the conversation. The sooner he was out of Hyunjin's face, the better it would be for the two of them.
“Yes, Jeongin told me that you have been refusing to eat your meals. Care to explain?” Hyunjin asked, referring to their butler while putting his work aside to hear what he had to say.
“No reason. I just don't have the appetite.” Felix simply stated, finding no point in lying. Aside from coffee and some tea, Felix couldn't handle anything else. He was feeling too nauseous, he felt like he would just be throwing it up the moment he forced himself.
Truth was, he hadn't been feeling too well these days, and his attending doctor wouldn't really pay him any mind, nor would he try to hear any of Felix's complaints and would just keep on prescribing him the same medication as an answer to everything. Felix hadn't taken any of that medicine for a long time, suffering from his own pain.
“You need to stop acting like a child, Felix. Do you really want me to supervise even your meals?”
For the first time since he arrived in that cold room, Felix looked up from his hands clasped over his lap where he was playing with his wedding ring, and looked at his husband's equally cold eyes. “You haven't cared for me in a long time, why bother now?”
He could die, and he was sure Hyunjin wouldn't even bat an eye. He had been hated blatantly, slandered right in front of the world and for everyone to see, and yet his husband hadn't done anything to defend him. He just kept himself busy with work, not paying any mind to anything that was happening. Unlike what Christopher had thought of, they haven't had intimacy for years. They didn't even share a room anymore, and there's nothing that Felix really offered in that relationship, so this fact was confusing to him just as much.
Hyunjin hadn't cared for him in a very long time. He abandoned his vows to cherish and protect him as soon as they left the church, and it had been a mystery for him and everyone else that could see why he insisted on keeping Felix by his side despite the notable gap between them. He wouldn't mate Felix yet, he wouldn't let him go either. He didn't know what the alpha wanted, nor did he want to stay long enough to figure it out. Felix just wanted to be free from his restraints, but the future was too blurry for him, he didn't know if that's even an option.
“Who said I care?” Hyunjin asked coldly, the frost from his words immediately adding to the layers coating Felix's heart. “I need you to eat and remain healthy because I am a husband who loves his bastard wife dearly.”
Image.
Hyunjin was everyone's perfect alpha, after all. He didn't need Felix to tarnish his name more than he already did. If Felix was to die in his care, that would make people rouse in happiness, however, it would also put pity in Hyunjin's name. And if there's one thing the alpha didn't like in this world, that would be other people's sympathy.
A strong, reliable alpha like Hyunjin who was blinded by love. A faithful husband who would do anything for his unwanted wife out of the pureness of his heart — of course, Felix had to portray a certain image for himself. He had to look like Hyunjin couldn't live without him for it's what made his husband more appealing to the masses' eyes.
As if the truth wasn't the total opposite of what the public knew of them.
In their minds, Felix was lucky that Hyunjin chose him, or the omega would've been out on the streets, probably dead —not knowing that his husband, as sweet as he once had been, was nothing like how he used to before.
This big house was nothing more than a fancy prison cell he couldn't break through. Just a massive enclosure with crystal chandeliers and golden cutleries.
“I understand,” Felix nodded. “Then I will go ahead.” Then he left the study, closing the door on his way out.
Where it all went wrong, he didn't know. They used to be happy. Their relationship used to be so full of laughter, promises, flowers and chocolates. The spring used to be so beautiful over these balconies, but now, even in the blooms, all Felix could see was a dry land and a neverending drought.
Nothing was the same anymore.
—
One way that Felix could distract himself even momentarily from the world's torment was reading novels. Felix loved how meticulous and unrealistic books were made, and he admired being swept away in other people's minds other than his own. In those writings, everything was interesting, even the pain was sweet and love was just magnificent, something that the omega would've wished to drown into.
In those books, love was painted as something strong and unconditional, and it was so fake, yet wonderful enough to distract him from the bitter reality. If only he could live in those fictional worlds where love was forever, and promises didn't shatter.
Just like how the protagonists would wait for the break of dawn to see their lovers once again, Felix also once wished to watch the setting sun with the one he loved.
But life wasn't a novel, and he wasn't a character in a fiction. Everything here was real, that's why the pain was so bitter.
Still, he couldn't help but think how wonderful it would've been to have someone to love him despite his upbringing, someone who would adore him regardless of his flaws. Felix would love them back as much, if not more because he had so much to give. He would pour everything in this love, just like he had done in this fruitless relationship with his husband. However, there would be no regrets because he would be cherished in return. Then they would make a happy family, with maybe a child or two and live by the sea where people were nicer and expectations didn't exist.
It was so nice. Thinking about a future that was so far out of his grasp was just too nice to dream of.
“You seem to be in a good mood.”
Looking up, Felix saw a familiar face. He made a small bow of acknowledgement, mentally preparing for another talk with one of Hyunjin's trusted people yet again. “Seungmin.”
“That must be a really good book to have you seeming so relaxed like that.” The other pointed out, taking a seat beside him on the bench, uninvited.
Putting his book aside, Felix decided he wasn't going for a long chat. That's not something he desired, neither was it to be in anyone's presence. “What can I help you with, Seungmin?”
The other smiled. “Right off the bat, huh?” He mused. “I just wanna see how you're doing these days.”
Breathing calmly, the omega looked ahead to the man-made pond, watching the water glisten with light from the changing skies. “We both know that's not your real intention, so why don't you just tell me?”
No one cared about him. Not even his husband would go as far as to check on him. Only Jisung would do that. And the person in front of him wasn't his best friend, so there was no reason for him to believe Seungmin was concerned.
This man might be a bit mellow than Christopher, but he's still one of those people who didn't want him around. There's no need for them to play around with flatteries.
“Fine,” The brown-haired beta finally admitted. “I want you to consider beginning the divorce process. I'm sure you've heard about the Jeongs by now, and it would be good for the company to have their influence under our name.”
Oh, so it's still about that. I see. He thought, continuing to listen.
“Your departure from him would be your biggest contribution in Hyunjin's life, so why don't you consider for once?” The other finished off, eyes almost boring a hole on the side of Felix's face.
“Have you asked my husband?” He questioned, earning a confused sound from the beta. “I have no power to choose for myself. I've been living in the flick of Hyunjin's fingers, breathing in the air he allows me to,” He added. “If he wanted a divorce, then I would sign it right away as expected of me. Truthfully, if you could convince him, that would be such a huge favour to me.”
“What are you trying to say?” Seungmin inquired this time, his face scrunching up in a contained anger.
It's as if he wasn't expecting to hear those words from Felix, and he didn't know what to do with the knowledge that the omega was also just waiting for what was to become of him.
“That I don't long for anything anymore, Seungmin,” He smiled, gaze still far beyond what was naked in the eye. “I'm just waiting to be abandoned.”
Like he had been abandoned before. Many times. People had left him for many different reasons that the omega couldn't fully understand. That was the reason why he was in this situation in the first place.
He used to live a relatively good life with his family, hidden away from the world. Money, politics, power, none of those mattered in their little farm… well, until it did.
It all started when his mother died. It was something that wasn't totally unforeseen, as she had been going through a lot, enduring discomfort in her stomach for a long while that time. Then it just stopped, and his mom never woke up again, and Felix's life was suddenly swept up in a whirlwind.
Some people he didn't know suddenly took him away after his mother's burial. He was introduced to this man that was said to be his real father by his known father who turned out to be his step-parent, then things came pouring down on him since then.
As it turned out, Felix was from an influential family. Well, partly for Felix was a product of an affair. An illegitimate child. A bastard.
The sudden appearance of those people revealed that his mother's husband wasn't Felix's real father which already broke his heart, and to know that that same man had sold him back to his biological one as soon as possible for money and promised comfortable life, the omega just completely shattered.
The reason why his real father took him back wasn't because of his longing to meet Felix either, nor did it come from the desire to make up the lost time and build a relationship with him. No, Mr. Lee was just a really selfish person, and the only reason why he took Felix in was because his legitimate wife wasn't able to have kids, therefore getting him back even though he couldn't be the heir to the business for being an omega. After all, he's still an instrument into finding one that would fit the place. A nice, dependable alpha who would take over the Lee empire in Felix's stead and make it flourish.
From then on, the knowledge that the nation hated him for being a child of an affair was just dunked onto him without notice. Just like that, Felix's peace and quiet was promptly replaced by loud murmurs around him, scornful looks, and unfiltered hatred for breaking a family that all people loved.
In Felix's young mind, he couldn't understand why his life suddenly changed, or why he was suddenly being hated by many people he hadn't seen before.
He was in a really dark place, and Hyunjin came into his life when he was eighteen, just as when he needed light. When things were rough and while he was still trying to process everything that was going on around him. The alpha showed him warmth and smiled at him and had treated him like a real person for once. Hyunjin made him feel seen. He made Felix feel like more than just a mistake and Felix's foolish mind took that as affection. He thought he'd finally found someone who wouldn't use him like everyone else in his life had done...
Oh, how wrong he was.
“You're saying that but you're not doing anything.” Seungmin replied, shaking his head off from its wandering.
More like he couldn't do anything about it. Hyunjin was the head of the house. It was his decision whether something would be thrown away or be kept at a later disposal. Everything that moved around him was due to Hyunjin's wishes, and Felix, as the house's Lady, didn't have a word in the matter.
He would've fled if Hyunjin didn't promise to hunt him down and lock him up fully without any room to breathe, not even this garden that was his only sanctuary. He tried once, and as punishment, Hyunjin took away Felix's permission to go out on his own along with his access to any type of technology, going as far as forbidding phones in the mansion and taking away all televisions. Now the places he could go to were only limited and he could only communicate through letters that would have to go through Hyunjin first before they get to him. It served to be a warning never to question Hyunjin's authority ever again, and he took the warning well.
“You know what I am in this house, Seungmin. If I could do something about it, I would've long ago,” He sighed, having enough of the conversation. He finally stood up, facing the way back to the mansion. “It was nice having a chat with you.” He ended the conversation, tracing the same memorized path back to his cage without sparing Seungmin another glance.
They wouldn't understand because to them, Felix was just a bastard omega who even in the shower of hate from the public, was still living a good life because of his alpha. They thought he was lucky to have been where he was, and they all hated him much more for it.
They wouldn't understand that his marriage was his restraints. It was shackles tied around his feet, refraining him from flying away.
—
Felix was so numb, he couldn't even say that he was unhappy anymore. He didn't feel alive, and as time went on, dark thoughts would keep on creeping in his mind.
He wanted to know if there would be any difference between dying and living. His life seemed useless, and he was tired beyond words. He was staring yet again in his own reflection, and all he could see was a breathing thing, cladded in fine clothing and bejeweled. What's even his purpose? What was he being kept alive for?
It would be better if he's gone. He should just be gone. He should disappear and make everything better for himself and his husband. If Hyunjin wouldn't leave him, then the omega should do it for the two of them. He might not be able to get a divorce, but in death, he could —
A knock on his door pulled him away from further sinking in his dark thoughts. The door burst open before he could even say anything, Hyunjin showing up in his room, feeling unfamiliar.
“Do you need something?” Felix asked, trying to read his husband's expression through his reflection in the mirror.
“Jeongin told me that you're refusing dinner again, Felix. I thought we'd talked about this?”
Taking that into light, Felix did look unhealthier than before. His cheeks were more hollow, and his collarbones more prominent. His long, golden locks were also dry and thinning. He looked so fragile and so easy to break. He didn't look good. In fact, he looked horrible.
“Yes, I'm sorry. I wasn't feeling well.” He said in a half lie. He hadn't felt well in a long while.
“That again?” Hyunjin came closer, sitting on the edge of Felix's bed making him wince a little. “Have you checked with the doctor?”
He did, and all he got was the same medication, only in higher dosage.
Nodding, Felix turned around to face the other. “He said I should rest.”
“Not without eating dinner, Felix,” Hyunjin pinched the bridge of his nose, seeming frustrated. “I can't deal with this right now, can't you just check on yourself?”
Of course, Hyunjin didn't have the time to be dealing with these silly, unimportant things. He's a businessman of a huge empire, how could he have time to think about what's going on with his wife?
“Just let me go then.” Felix whispered, accidentally letting out his thoughts.
His husband stopped, staring at him intensely. “What did you just say?”
Deciding that it was too late to lie, Felix just spilled his thoughts out loud. “Why won't you divorce me, Hyunjin? You've got what you wanted. My father's company was already under your name; everything that he owned, and even the land that father gifted me was no longer mine, but yours. I have no friends, no family, and am already miserable,” He stated, watching as Hyunjin's expression morphed into a deeper rage. Still, he was not about to go quiet now. The omega kept on. “You don't love me. You never did. You just used me to get back to my father, and you did so with great pride. But now I don't have a purpose anymore, and all of you only see me as a burden you have to carry, so why are you still keeping me by your side?”
“Shut up.” Hyunjin warned darkly, his pheromones becoming thick and suffocating. A strong giveaway of the alpha's agitation.
“Wouldn't it be easier for you to just leave me? Just be rid of me and be with that woman that could help you to achieve whatever the hell else you want —”
In a swift motion, Felix's words were being stopped with a hand on his chin as his face was lifted to meet Hyunjin's stormy eyes. “Listen, you can forget about a damn divorce because you're not leaving. Your misery is mine to enjoy before my very eyes, and you don't get to rip that away from me.”
Felix was left frozen, head suddenly out of any other thought than what was said to him.
He never thought that Hyunjin's once loving eyes would turn so full of disdain towards him.
“Was it that fun to see me so unhappy?” Felix smiled, unable to stop the tears from forming in his eyes.
He didn't know Hyunjin hated him so much. He didn't know that his husband was feeling like this towards him. He thought he was just indifferent, that he just didn't care because he only used Felix to get what he wanted, but knowing that the alpha actually hated him too for a sin he wasn't even aware of… He'd been wondering why he wasn't loved, and now he knew that it was actually because the alpha harbored resentment towards him. His husband's hatred was just too deep to just spare Felix of his wrath.
Felix thought he didn't have any more tears to shed, apparently not. He's crying again. For years he thought he was already numb to all of this, but it seemed like that was not the case. Knowing his husband hated him couldn't be compared to any pain that he had felt before.
“Fun? Not remotely, but it was satisfying enough to keep me from going insane.” Hyunjin responded with such indifference.
Now he understood.
He was being kept for the sole purpose of Hyunjin's entertainment. His revenge didn't stop in seizing everything that belonged to the omega's father, but his hatred ran deeply to his heart that he was willing to tie himself up to the son of the very man that he hated just to watch the other crumble first hand. Since Felix's father was no longer around, Hyunjin now thrived in Felix's misery, and he failed to understand that beforehand.
Hyunjin wouldn't ever let him go. Even in his death, the alpha would be there, watching.
“Now get your fucking meals and don't give me any more problems. I'm tired of your bullshit.” Then the alpha harshly let go of Felix's face, leaving him alone in his tears.
—
“Lady, where are we headed to?” The driver asked, starting the engine.
“Jisung's.”
The driver stopped, giving him glances through the rearview mirror.
“Should we get an attendant to go with you?” The driver asked, seeming hesitant.
“I wish to enjoy some time with my friend without surveillance,” He simply stated. “Let's go.”
“But had the Master—”
“I don't need his permission to visit a friend,” Felix intervened firmly. “If you refuse to be of service, then I can just grab a taxi.”
Hesitating, the driver eventually caved, driving silently until they passed by a narrow alley that caught Felix's attention.
“Can we stop for a while? I wanna bring something for Jisung.” He stated, eliciting an agreeing nod from the driver.
Again, the driver seemed to hesitate before he spoke. “The shopping mall is just up ahead, Lady. Should we just make a quick stop once we get there?”
It's probably because of how the alley looked like that the driver was questioning him. It's not one of the typical places Felix would've been allowed to wander in, had Hyunjin known.
Shaking his head, the omega stayed firm. “No need. Here should be fine.” It had to be here.
“Yes, Lady. I shall accompany you.”
This time, Felix didn't protest and let the driver come along with him. They stopped by a shop deep into the alley. Outwardly, the place looked shabby compared to all the places that he had stepped foot in since coming into the City.
However, the atmosphere inside was more welcoming than the outside, exactly like what he had heard from the maids. They sell a lot of different things, from medicinal herbs to home decorations. It was also so cozy that Felix found himself relaxing as he shopped and selected a few things to bring to his friend and some for himself in secret, for a later use before they continued to Jisung's place, which they reached in a few hours time.
Jisung lived in a different City, a long distance from Felix. His best friend was mated to a good alpha called Lee Minho, who treated his omega best friend right, and would do anything for him.
Felix might not have a good romance like Jisung, but he was glad his best friend did. Jisung was married to the love of his life, and was absolutely happy.
“Felix, why didn't you inform me you will be coming? I would've asked Minho to make us his infamous galbi. I've been addicted to it, I need to have it with my meals all the time,” Jisung walked towards him, welcoming him with an embrace. “I missed you, Lixie.”
“I missed you, too, Ji.” Felix smiled, hugging his best friend back while handing him a few boxes of colourful hair ornaments which the other accepted with glee. “Tell hyung I'll be happy to have some in the future.”
Jisung nodded before he spoke. “So, what brought you here?” The other asked as he was dragging him down to the living room where they spent an hour just catching up while drinking some tea, sweet treats were also present on their table.
All throughout, Felix tried his best to respond accordingly, diverting his mind into somewhere else and into his friend completely. He tried to smile as best as he could and show enthusiasm into everything. He could fake it, he'd been so great at doing so… but this was Jisung. His best friend. And they shared time long enough for the other to be familiar with Felix, almost too much that the other could read him like the back of his own hands.
“Lix, can I get a hug?” Jisung asked after a while, which surprised Felix a little before he broke into a small grin and nodded.
“Of course, Ji,” He opened his arms, accepting Jisung's affection wholeheartedly, almost melting as he realized that he could only get this kind of feeling whenever he's in his best friend's presence. “Are you okay?” He dared ask.
“I am,” The other omega hugged him tighter. “It's you who was not.”
Felix's heart throbbed, acknowledging the words deeply.
“Don't worry about me, I'm fine.” He lied, brushing the other omega's brunette middle-leght hair with his fingers softly.
“I'm so sorry for bringing him into your life. Had I known he'd be treating you like this, I wouldn't have—”
“Here you are again, blaming yourself even when I've told you countless times before not to,” Felix interjected with a soft exhale. “I know your intention was good, Ji. I don't fault you for anything.” He assured the other, even though in his mind, he thought of how good it would've been if Jisung really did not make the mistake of introducing the alpha to him.
After all, Jisung was the one Hyunjin was originally close with. When they were still in University, life was also hard then, but they still had it in them to have some fun and laugh. Jisung would often help him sneak out of the house and explore some places. Although they couldn't go very far, or be in places that were too crowded in fear of Felix being recognized, they still managed to have some fun on their own.
An arcade place in a remote area became their hangout spot. They used to frequent that said place whenever they would feel like suffocating, and that's where Felix first met Hyunjin. The alpha was a friend of Jisung at the University, and because he trusted Jisung and Hyunjin seemed like a sweet guy, Felix allowed him into his life.
Back then, they didn't have an idea what Hyunjin was up to. If only he knew that he fell right into Hyunjin's trap...
“I hate him for hurting you. I miss the days when you would laugh so happily that it reflected in your eyes,” Jisung pursed his quivering lips, trying to keep them from quivering. “Even though fate was such a bitch to you, you still have it in you to smile like life was a dream. Now it's just...” The other trailed, unable to finish his words.
Did he use to smile like that? Did he really experience that kind of happiness before all of this? He couldn't even recognize where his suffering began or since when the smiles turned fake. It seemed to him like it's always been like that.
They remained in the same position for a while, sitting in silence as they embraced each other. Felix didn't know what to say next to his friend as he couldn't keep lying, but at the same time, he couldn't bear telling his friend the truth. So, he kept it to himself, letting his friend shed some tears that he couldn't for himself.
Jisung was the one reason why Felix hadn't completely lost it. He was his rock and the only person who loved him truly, so how could he ever blame his best friend for anything?
“You know, it's not too late. I can help you get a divorce. With my husband's connections, it would be easy for us to—”
“I don't wish for you to get in trouble with Hyunjin because of me, Ji.” He intervened. He's appreciative of the offered help, but he didn't want to put his friends in harm's way. Hyunjin was a man of power, and he wouldn't hesitate to destroy anyone who threatened to go against his will. Even though Felix knew his husband wouldn't hurt Jisung, he was certain that he could get to his friend in other ways, and that's what he didn't want to happen.
“Minho is just as influential as him, Lix. I'm pretty sure he can do something just to get you out of this marriage.” Jisung insisted, his hair all tousled from hugging him.
That's not true. Minho's name might be big in the society, but Hyunjin's influences weren't only limited to South Korea. The first thing he had focused on since succeeding the Lee business and having a complete merger was building stronger connections overseas and making it to the international market.
They may be on par in plain sight, but they're not the same.
“Don't worry about me, Ji,” He tried to put Jisung's hair back in place, wiping his tears as well. “You should focus on yourself and Minho hyung instead. I understand you're worried, but we're not kids anymore. It's high time for me to face my struggles alone.” He said softly, trying to convince his best friend that he would get through it eventually. He was hoping so.
Taking a moment too long, his best friend finally sighed, pulling away from his embrace. “Fine, but you have to tell me if it gets too much, okay? I'm always here for you, since then and always.” Jisung's pleading eyes softened Felix's heart.
The freckled omega nodded, pulling the other once again in his arms where they stayed tangled up for a while, just basking in each other's warmth. It almost felt like a long time had passed until Felix decided to break the silence once more.
“Can you help me get to the hilltop?” Felix asked, earning an immediate reaction from his friend.
“Of course, let me just change my clothes.”
Felix immediately stopped the other by his arm. “Sorry, Ji, but can I go alone? I just need some time to breathe.”
His friend stared at him for a long while, trying to read his face before he exhaled and nodded his head, caving. “You can sneak through the back. I'll have our driver wait for you there,” Then Jisung went to the back of the house, reappearing minutes later with a huge smile on his face. “All set,” He informed Felix. “Take care, okay? And be careful. I got it from here.”
Felix nodded, hugging his friend once more. “I appreciate this so much.”
“Hey, none of that. You deserve some breather,” The other patted his back, reassuring. “Now you go. Go, before they realize that you left on your own.” Jisung pushed him towards the backdoor, guiding him out of the vast backyard garden and into a gate leading outside of the mansion. “Love you.”
“Love you, too, Ji. Thank you.” He responded before getting into a car, watching as Jisung's figure slowly disappeared from his sight.
His heart kept hammering inside of his chest. He hadn't snuck out like this before. One reason was because he knew Hyunjin always had eyes watching his every move, especially on those days that he would ask to see Jisung. He was lucky enough that his husband would allow him to visit his friend, taking into account that Jisung was the one who made it possible for him to be where he was now.
He'd get in trouble… but he'd been in deep trouble anyway. Now that he had taken a step forward, all that's left for him to do was keep moving ahead.
Felix asked to be dropped in a fading footpath leading up the hill. He took his shoes off, finding it hard to walk in slight heels, holding them in one hand as he made his way up, also picking up a white flower he saw on the way before he reached the wide wooden platform at the top. It was a place that had a nice overview of the City, where everything felt like a dream and part of a distant memory.
In five years of being with Hyunjin as his wife, this had been the only time he had stepped foot in that place again. He and Jisung had it built in secret. They used to just sit down there when life would be a little too rough on them, just resting and taking a break. It still felt that way. This still felt like a safe haven Felix could just hide in and never come out again.
Felix abandoned his bag and his shoes somewhere, as he wandered off closer to the steel railings. It's all rusty now, it felt like it would fall out with just a little nudge and that made the corners of his mouth curve upward, taking a moment to just watch the City below him.
He smiled because what if he fell by accident? What if he unknowingly leaned a little too close and was unable to hear the loud creaking noise that should've been a warning for him that the railings were about to give out? At least, he'd have something that he decided on his own, right? For the last time, he would make a decision that he made solely on his own and not somebody else's will.
The breeze felt nice. It was cold, sweeping his hair away as it blew over his face and it got him shivering.
Felix couldn't help but close his eyes, a smile still etched so beautifully on his face as he leaned forward as if chasing something, ignoring everything that didn't matter in that moment.
What was this warmth that was coating his whole body? It's so inviting, and the more he leaned forward, the more vivid the warmth would get. Was this how moribund supposed to feel like? Would there be sunny skies and joy in the afterlife? This uninvited warmth felt like a promise, like the setting sun was inviting him in its hold… Could he have it? Was he allowed to embrace that comfort?
The omega leaned more forward, still with his eyes closed and a smile on his lips. His heart was also steady in rhythm, and he felt calm.
Then a snap broke through the silence of the hilltop, the railings wavered and Felix felt like he was just one step away to being free… Until a hand grabbed him and pulled him away from the railings. And suddenly, the warmth was gone and he was back again to being cold.
“Felix what the fuck are you doing?” That sounded like Hyunjin's angry voice, and the smell of cedarwood and false comfort filled up Felix's lungs once again.
Meeting Hyunjin's raging eyes as he opened his own felt like a damn punishment. The dream of freedom was no longer in front of him, and he was back to the harsh reality once more.
They were both in the middle of the platform with Felix lying in the cage of Hyunjin's arms while the other was sitting down, looking at him.
He thought he finally had a chance.
“I thought you would catch me sooner.” Felix simply replied, unable to come up with a reason why his husband took too long to catch up to him. He knew that words already got to Hyunjin from the moment he stepped foot outside of the mansion.
Nonetheless, it was too cruel. The short delay gave him false hope. He foolishly thought he finally had a chance to escape.
“Don't fuck with me, Felix. I asked what the fuck do you think you're fucking doing?” He repeated, seething. “How far do you plan to go with this act?”
Felix moved away from his husband's arms, back again was the void in his chest, and the lingering despair for staying as he was.
A few steps away from him was the almost severed part of the railings, hanging over the cliff where he would've been had Hyunjin arrived a tad too late.
“I was just catching some fresh air.” His eyes were stinging as he tried his best to keep his disappointment from bursting.
His throat hurt. It hurt so much.
Hyunjin also stood up, gripping Felix's shoulder as he stared at him with furious eyes blazing with resentment and… concern? He couldn't tell, as it was gone a few blinks later.
“From now on, you're not allowed to go anywhere without an attendant, you hear me? If you try to run away and do something foolish like this again, I'll personally see to myself that you die in my own hands.” His husband then stormed off, harshly letting him go.
Felix let out a heavy breath, ignoring the gaping hole in his heart while gathering his things, then he walked away, taking the flower with him.