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Violet rolls to her side, breaths coming in short heaves after Rhiannon has just effortlessly knocked her on her ass.
Although this has become routine for her, training with Rhiannon and Imogen to enhance ability to survive, she’s just so exhausted. Everything aches, she’s not in the right headspace and there’s a burning festering within her that she cannot figure out. All she wants is to escape to the archives and disappear for a couple of days, or forever really. Maybe she should have listened to Dain when he tried to sneak her into the scribe quadrant. Her dragon snarls at that thought. “You will cease those weak thoughts. I did not bond a coward.”
She doesn’t have that liberty now though. She’s a walking target for a new reason entirely. It was bad enough just being the frail daughter of General Lilith Sorrengail but now it is infinitely worse as a newly bonded rider who has not only bonded one, but two dragons, never mind one of those said dragons is known as the epitome of ruthlessness. Who wouldn’t want to eliminate her for a chance to bond them?
She feels Sgaeyl preen taking ruthless as an obvious compliment, and Violet rolls her eyes amidst her small gasps for air as Rhiannon runs to her in alarm. “Gods, Vi! I expected you to block that.”
Violet waves off Rhiannon efforts to help as she pushes herself up and stretches to catalogue lingering aches that may very well add to her collection of bruises. “You’re fine, Rhi. I was distracted.”
Rhiannon raises an eyebrow at her and crosses her arms. “Yes, I can see that. Got something on your mind?” She asks as Violet rolls her neck, trying to ease this continuously building tension. “Or... someone?”
Violet’s head snaps to Rhiannon so quickly that she doesn’t register the whiplash until she feels the stinging pull along her neck seconds after she’s seen Rhiannon’s coy smile. “Ow! Shit, fuck…what are you laughing at!”
Rhiannon has the decency to try to at least mask her giggles, though Violet could clearly hear them. “Nothing, nothing!”
“Clearly. Nice to know my pain amuses you” Violet mutters whilst rubbing her neck. But she isn’t exactly wrong though. ‘Target number one.’ Violet hears his voice with every unbonded cadet’s eyes that she meets, every time she just feels Jack’s eyes burning through her with envy and hate, and every time she closes her eyes at night feeling her nerves tingle. Basically, she’s haunted by him all the dam time.
It’s infuriating. He’s infuriating. And she’s stuck with him because of course her dragon just so happened to be mated with his. Of fucking course.
“I lose you again?” Violet blinks and sends Rhiannon a sheepish look which has her rolling her eyes in turn. “Let’s call it for today. You look like shit” “Ouch” “and you’re not going to learn anything if you’re this spaced out.”
Violet wants to argue. She is stubborn by nature after all. However, she truly is exhausted. Constant vigilance, training and her own destructive thoughts have taken a toll on her.
They walk back to the dorms in a comfortable silence and Rhiannon gives Violet a cheeky smile when they part at Violet’s door. Well, at least one of us is getting some. Violet thinks a bit enviously as she prepares to decompress for the night.
“What exactly is hindering you from seeking pleasurable companionship?” Sgaeyl queries in that insufferably amused tone of hers.
“I’m not trying to get murdered mid-coitus, if you must know.” Violet retorts. Her paranoia has her sleeping in her dragon scale corset, just in case. She can’t imagine having sex in it though. Besides, the only man she’s remotely attracted to, burns for really, is the one she’s trying to avidly avoid – off limits. Not that she’s willing to acknowledge that, least of all to her smug dragon.
“Hm. I suppose you do make a valid point. How unfortunate.” Sgaeyl starts, but Violet knows she’s not in the clear yet. Sgaeyl likes to play with her prey, and she makes no exception for her rider. “That appears to limit you to the Wingleader, does it not? He certainly cannot kill you, even if he wanted to. The boy must must attract you to some degree given how often you think of him and if Tarin is to be believed, that attraction is very much mutu-”
“Sgaeyl! You know what, I’m not humoring you. Go canoodle with Tarin or whatever it is you dragons do instead of gossiping about our love lives.” Or lack thereof, at least in her case. Violet snaps irritably causing Andarna to titter down the bond to Violet’s mortification. “Andarna, why are you still awake? You should not be listening to this, you’re a hatchling!”
“Age does not impact our understanding of carnal pleasure as it does with humans.” Sgaeyl begins haughtily. “However, I will side with our rider. This is not a conversation for you little one.”
Violet can’t help but smile at Andarna’s cute little growl of displeasure. “You’re not my keeper!” She wisely retreats at Sgaeyl’s stern displeasure sent through the bond that has even Violet feeling scolded.
She tries to enjoy the peace of the quiet in her room, but her mind remains restless as she tosses on her bed.
“Sgaeyl, can I ask you something?” Violet reaches out tentatively. “If you must.” She’s not sure if dragons can roll their eyes, but that’s the energy Sgaeyl gives off leaving Violet feeling as bit hesitant. “You’ve told me you didn’t choose me for my mind.” A beat. “Why would you bond me, if not that?”
“Not that I have to explain my choice to you, I am concerned you will be consumed by these pitiful thoughts of yours.” Sgaeyl radiates a unique combination of exasperation and condescending that has her flinching under the sheets being reminded of her own mother. “I chose you for your power and ruthlessness.”
Violet pops up in disbelief staring into the darkness of the room whilst talking and pointing to herself. “I’m sorry. Power and ruthlessness. Me?”
“Are you implying I’m wrong?” Sgaeyl growls causing Violet to shake her head in the dark to no one. “No offense, but I would have died during threshing if you had not intervened. I fail to see how you took that as a display of power of all things.”
“Power is not limited to physical strength. Besides, that fight was not in your favor, being outnumber by those cowards.” Violet recalls the passing comment Xaden made. Tarin had told him that Sgaeyl hated bullies. She’s never been brave enough to ask for herself, but the way Sgaeyl spits out ‘cowards’, has her thinking it might be true. It warms her to know she has a righteous dragon, as cruel as she can be portrayed. The warm feeling doesn't last long.
“I’m just curious as to why you bonded me versus someone like Xaden. You would have been unbonded during his Threshing, right?” Violet settles back down in her bed, and she can feel Sgaeyl hesitate in responding. Like she’s trying to choose her words, which is at odds for the ever so blunt dragon.
“I did consider the Wingleader, but it was not a possibility.” How is it that her stomach plummets despite being tucked in bed. She can’t stop herself from sounding meek and hurt, even though she put herself in this position in the first place. She just had to ask, didn’t she? “Because of Tarin?”
“No. It was not a possibility as the boy is a direct descendant of my previous rider.”
“Oh, for some reason I didn’t think that would stop you.” Voilet snorts remembering Kaori saying something along the lines of Sgaeyl does what she wants. Which is why she is generally feared by all, dragons included. “Correct. I abide by my own principles. However, I chose not to pursue the boy out of respect. I’m aware of the boy’s lineage and though I was certain he was more than capable; I could not risk him falling to madness. It would have been a waste otherwise.” His lineage? Does she just mean she knew he was a marked one? Traitor Fen Riorson’s son? Did she care about reputation? Is that why she bonded General Sorrengail's daughter instead? Surely she would have chose Mira then during her own Threshing. Questions she's afraid to ask so she doesn't.
“Somehow knowing Xaden was your first choice, doesn’t help me feel better. I fall extremely short.” Per usual.
“You should know I care not for your feelings, girl, only the truth. What I saw in him is not the same as what I see in you. I would have picked him for his inability to relent and perhaps his ruthlessness does exceed yours, however, you are power. You radiate it. If you could control your emotions, you would that yield power. “
“I’m human, Sgaeyl! I’m so sorry I have emotions. I don’t even want to be powerful. I just want…to survive.” Violet snaps mentally, wanting to be done with this conversation that has only left her more doubtful and insecure than before.
“If this is your logic, I’m not impressed by your esteemed mental prowess. You need to control your emotions, girl, not rid yourself of them. Your emotions have led you to overcome trials, yes, but they hinder you as well, you are ruled by them.” Again, it feels like rather than her dragon, she is in front of her mother who never cared for her scribe nature or bleeding heart. Only skill and strength Brennan and Mira displayed made her proud. Never Violet. “How do you think you will survive? Fight? Protect? With power, silly girl. Power that you have trapped within.”
Violet chooses to stay silent, reflecting on all Sgaeyl has said. It stings, but she think’s it hurts more due it being deemed true by her dragon, rather than her inability to mince her words. After a few moments, Sgaeyl speaks again, soft but unyielding. “I know who I bonded. A human with power beyond the vessel of her body, a human with ruthlessness when protecting what is hers, and a human with courage and…”
“Heart?” Andarna’s tiny voice supplies helpfully when Sgaeyl trails off causing the older dragon to sigh and repeat the word in what sounds like distaste. “with the heart to never falter. Correct. We know our rider, girl. It appears you are the one who does not know yourself.”
Violet feels here eyes water and is grateful no one can see her, though she has a feeling her dragons can probably tell she’s been touched to tears. They say nothing. Violet gives herself a minute, she doesn’t want to sound teary in her own mind, doesn’t think it’s possible but just in case. “Thanks, Sgaeyl. And Andarna, though you really should be resting.” Andarna fusses at being called out and Violet cant help but smile at her antics.
“Same can be said for you, human. Do not embarrass us by falling over due to a lack of rest. Let this be the last time you question me.”
“Right. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Violet retorts, dabbing at the corner of her eyes drying earlier shed tears with her bedsheet. Sgaely only snorts.
“Clearly, I didn’t choose you for your mind.”
Violet breaks out in a wet chortle, apparently still choked up by her tears.