Chapter Text
Climbing the marine leadership ladder was taking far too long for Sakazuki’s liking. True, he joined later than most — at 23 years old — but it’s already been an entire decade and he was still a Vice Admiral!
What would it take to finally get him promoted to an Admiral?
He was serving absolute justice with unerring aim; Shouldn’t this be enough to let him advance through the ranks?
Fleet Admiral Sengoku didn’t seem to think so.
Well then, if Sengoku grew too senile to see reason… There was one more person Sakazuki could pressure ask for a promotion: Garp the Fist.
Despite him only being a Vice Admiral, just like Sakazuki, it was his own choice. Considered a hero for being able to go toe-to-toe with the Pirate King and eventually bringing him in for the execution, Garp could have been the Fleet Admiral by now, if he wanted to.
The man refused a truly ridiculous amount of promotions, citing his preference as a reason, and even though Sakazuki couldn’t really understand that, he could begrudgingly admit that Garp had certainly earned all of it.
If anyone could advise him — or whisper in Sengoku’s ear and be heard — it would be Garp.
And, luckily for Sakazuki, he stumbled upon Garp right there in the corridor, on his way to the mess.
“Vice Admiral!” He called. It’d be best to be respectful, even if they were technically the same rank. “Do you have a moment-”
“Oh, Sakazuki,” Garp turned around, something cradled in the crook of his elbow. Sakazuki didn’t have a chance to look closer, distracted by the expression on his face. “Just the man I wanted to see!”
Normally, hearing something like this would be good. Very good, even. Such words often led to a special mission or an exclusive assignment, or something else that could further his career, but-
Not when they were paired with that smile.
The Garp-exclusive “I am going to cause troubles on purpose” smile.
“You would do pretty much anything to get promoted, ain’t that right?”
Sakazuki slowed to a stop a few paces away from Garp, suddenly feeling cautious.
No caution in the world could have saved him from having a baby dumped straight into his hands.
He blinked, staring at the small and rather ugly creature. It had more wrinkles than Sengoku and Garp combined!
“The hell am I supposed to do with this?” Sakazuki asked, his arm held as far away from his body as was physically possible and the infant dangerously balanced in his palm.
“Keep it, love it, raise it, the whole shtick,” Garp said nonchalantly, making use of his freed hands to immediately stick a finger up his nose. “Just make sure it won’t die.”
Like hell.
Sakazuki raised an eyebrow. “Accidents happen.”
“Well then, you’ll accidentally never get promoted to an admiral.”
“Are you blackmailing me?” He scowled, carefully bringing his hand back towards his chest. Now that his career was on the line, he cared a little more about the small thing and its survival rates. “I don’t know anything about babies!”
“Then you’ll learn,” Garp was already walking away, a pep in his step that Sakazuki found personally grating. “Show your, uh, initiative and shit. Prove you can be trusted with the future generation and we’ll entrust you with the future of the world! …Or whatever.”
Well, that was certainly convincing.
Sakazuki hurried after Garp, moving as fast as he dared to with the fragile creature in his grasp.
“For how long?” He asked, sounding a little more desperate than he would have liked to.
Garp glanced at him from the corner of the eye, not slowing down in the slightest.
“Hmmm,” he said, though it sounded more like a stalling technique than him actually having to think about it. He finally paused, one hand braced against the mess’ doors. “Well, we gotta make sure you raised the little rascal right, so let’s say… Ten years? Should be a good starting point.”
Freezing, Sakazuki stared at Garp like he had suddenly gone insane, which he very clearly had.
“Ten years?!” He repeated. “I could make admiral in half that time-”
“Not if anything happens to Ace, you won’t,” Garp grinned at him, though the teeth bared in a feral expression could only be called a smile nominally. “That’s his name, by the by, Portgas D Ace. He was born January 1st, just this year. If you can raise him to be a proper marine, that’s even better. That’s not a condition, though. God knows that’d be hypocritical of me.”
That’s the last thing he said before disappearing in the mess, beelining for the buffet. Sakazuki knew better than to chase after him; Once Garp switched into food mode, he wouldn’t talk about anything unrelated until his appetite was sated, which could take hours.
He would need to appeal this ridiculous idea later. Surely Garp wasn’t serious?
Surely he wouldn’t make Sakazuki actually child-rear a random brat as a hare-brained scheme to gauge his suitability to be an admiral?
***
Sakazuki knew enough about small children to decide against his first idea of leaving the brat unsupervised in his quarters. Leaving it with another marine was out of the question as well, considering that its wellbeing was directly linked to Sakazuki’s career.
There wasn’t anyone willing to hurt a baby just to get at him — he supposed, at least — but there were plenty of stupid, incompetent or just plain clumsy people, and he couldn’t trust any of them to do a good job.
So here he was; Standing at the entrance of the library he hadn’t really been to since he passed the last of his exams, with a baby in his arms.
Not even bothering to look through the shelves himself, Sakazuki went straight for the librarian’s desk.
“How may I help… you…” The woman trailed off as she looked up and saw Sakazuki approaching, her eyes instantly zeroing in on the child. “...Parenting books, I presume?”
Sakazuki scowled at the assumption, even though it was absolutely right, offering a sharp nod.
“I’m afraid we don’t have anything in at the moment,” the librarian continued, her eyes never leaving the infant — was it truly so unusual to see one? — as she wrote something down without even looking at the paper. “But I can custom order some. It shouldn’t take long for them to arrive, especially if I expedite the process-”
“How long?” Sakazuki grated out.
“Up to a week, I’d wager.”
That was an uncomfortably long period of time; Longer than Sakazuki would have liked. Fates willing, in a week he would no longer have any need for such a book, freed of the burden of raising a child.
Whoever was Garp’s next victim could surely use the textbook, though.
“Order it,” He instructed, thoughts already moving towards his next course of action. The library was a long shot, anyway, but he’d need to figure out a way to keep the creature from starving-
“You should take the baby to the infirmary, if you haven’t already,” the librarian offered absently, finally looking away to dig through her cabinets.
Sakazuki glanced down, trying to see what it was she noticed. Was the brat sick in an obvious way-?
“They’ll know where to get formula or what to use as a replacement… I’m assuming the mother isn’t in the picture?” She looked him in the eye, and the sympathy bordering on pity was grating to see. “And it’s always a good idea to keep a close eye on the little one’s health. The smallest things could be dangerous to babies… Like a common cold! They have no immune system at all. And you should never give it water, either-”
Sakazuki raised his hand, trying to stop — or at least slow down — the barrage of advice, but the gesture only seemed to invite more of it.
“You gotta support its head!” The librarian went as far as standing up, leaning towards him. “The baby won’t really have the muscles to do it itself until like, a couple months in, so you gotta be careful about it-”
Having no other choice, Sakazuki carefully shifted his grip, until the librarian seemed satisfied.
“What was that about water?” He forced out through gritted teeth. “Humans need water to survive-”
“Babies get their moisture from formula! They shouldn’t have any water, because… Um, well, I don’t actually know. But my brother mentioned it when he had a child, that he couldn’t give her any water until she was at least 6 months old!”
That was… Good to know, considering that giving the infant some water was on Sakazuki’s to-do list directly after visiting the library.
Grunting something that vaguely resembled his thanks, Sakazuki set out for the infirmary before the librarian could run out of advice and start cooing at the infant or other such horror.
The infirmary, for some inconceivable reason, happened to have baby formula on hand. The nurse offered to order more imminently as well, right after instructing Sakazuki on how to prepare the milk — there were some issues with the temperature testing, as the droplet they spilled onto Sakazuki’s wrist had promptly evaporated — and giving him a chart detailing how much the child should have, approximately.
Because apparently “every child was different” and he should just “feed them until they were full”. And also “not wait until they cried, as that’s a late sign of hunger”.
He wasn’t a goddamn mind-reader to know when a non-verbal baby grew a bit peckish, and he told the medic such.
That just got him another pamphlet thrown in. Sakazuki closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.
“Why don’t you just give me every kind of a pamphlet you have on infants,” he suggested. In the absence of any proper literature, even these piss-poor watered down page-fulls of trivial information would be worth an Emperor’s bounty.
The stack he ended up with was still pitifully small, but it was better than nothing.
Sakazuki had the medic wrap up all the available formula and what he needed to prepare it, along with the pamphlets and cloths which he could use as nappies — dear god, he’d need to change the infant’s nappies, his dignity was about to be absolutely destroyed — into a bag he could hold over his shoulder.
He left the infirmary as soon as the medic successfully extracted a promise out of him to bring the child by every day until they could be certain there were no underlying issues in its development, fearing what else the man might force him to do.
Besides, he still had one more issue to figure out before he could rest for the day, and there weren’t that many hours left before nighttime.
There was no guest bed in his sparse, marine-issued apartment. Then again, even if there was one, it’s not like he could just put the infant in it and call it a job well done.
For all he knew, the brat would roll off and the height of the mattress alone would kill it, or it would suffocate under the heavy blankets, or some other unspecified disaster would happen and Sakazuki could kiss his dreams of becoming an Admiral goodbye.
Garp would never believe the child’s death was accidental, even if it genuinely was.
Thankfully, it seemed like coming up with a place for the infant to sleep in would not be an issue Sakazuki had to deal with. He wasn’t particularly happy at the fact that someone had clearly used the master key to enter his apartment, but the presence of a proper baby cot and some other essentials more than made up for that.
He happily placed the infant inside, dumping the bag right beside the rest of the supplies. He would move the formula powder to the kitchen later, but as it didn’t need to be refrigerated, he didn’t bother doing that straight away.
Instead, Sakazuki went to sit by his bonsai tree, hoping to finally unwind and relax and appreciate the fact that his hands were completely free again.
***
He ended up falling asleep.
By the time he woke up — disoriented, but not confused at sitting on the floor, seeing as it wasn’t the first time he fell asleep in that exact spot — the sky was fully dark.
It took a moment to remember the events of the day. When he finally did, he clambered to his feet, cursing as he went to check the feeding brochure.
According to the clock, he only slept for a few hours, which meant the infant was just about due for a feeding. Sakazuki didn’t see much point in feeding it the equivalent of four tablespoons of food every few hours — why couldn’t it eat three square meals and be done for the night? — but he would deal.
He’d need to get an alarm Den Den Mushi, he thought when preparing the formula. To make sure that he woke up on time.
That meant parting with his perfect sleeping schedule for the — hopefully short — time it took for the baby to be removed from his care, but… His promotion would be worth it.
If anything, it’d be preparation for the unpredictable working hours of an Admiral.
When he approached the cot with the bottle, the baby was fussy and restless, but at least it didn’t cry. Sakazuki mentally congratulated its well-developed survival instincts; If it cried, not even Garp’s threats would have saved it.
Come to think of it, it was a bit weird to have it yet to make a sound, but he wasn’t going to look a gifted horse — or an offloaded child — in the mouth.
He held it in his arms as the baby figured out what to do with the teat, half of his attention on making sure it didn’t choke, while the other half was focused on the rest of the feeding pamphlet.
…There couldn’t be much harm in not letting the creature spit up on him, right?
It didn’t take long for the infant to finish the recommended amount of formula. Sakazuki wiped its mouth with a napkin but forwent burping, placing it back inside of the cot.
He had a feeling the baby wasn’t really happy at that turn of events, but then again, it was a baby. How much emotional range could it have, really?
Deciding to ignore it for the time being, Sakazuki went to take a shower.
Getting the water to a point where he could feel it being hot without it evaporating was nigh-impossible for him, so he mostly just gave up on that venture. The only plausible way would be to wear seastone for the duration, and he wasn’t willing to do that.
He had long since resigned himself to lukewarm showers for the rest of his life.
By the time he was finished, he had almost managed to forget about the absolute clusterfuck of the last few hours. Dressing into his pajamas, he stretched languidly, yawning as he went to grab a glass of water.
His eyes fell upon the cot the moment he stepped foot outside of the bedroom though, reminding him of everything and bringing a frown to his face.
He checked in on the kid after getting his water. The baby was quiet — a bit too quiet — and he’d rather know straight away if it had somehow managed to perish in the short time he was away.
But no, the infant was still breathing. Its eyes were open, though Sakazuki had no idea how much it could really see. Babies were supposed to have really bad eyesight, right?
It’d fall asleep eventually, he figured. No point in wasting his own sleeping time.
Walking back to his bedroom, he put the glass down on his side table, grabbing the latest report he had received in lieu of some light reading.
Before he could forget, though, he called the Communications.
“Vice-Admiral Sakazuki, sir?” whichever petty officer was on the night shift greeted him instantly, audibly terrified.
“Call me in three hours exactly,” Sakazuki grunted before ending the call.
That’s the alarm handled until he could get an alarm clock.
Satisfied, Sakazuki settled in for the night.
***
If a Den Den could sound hesitant to start its chain of kero-kero-kero’s, Sakazuki’s had certainly managed that feat.
With a tired groan, Sakazuki reached for the receiver, slapping the shell until he managed to pick up.
“What,” he grunted out, slowly sitting up. The last dregs of sleep cut too short clung to his mind, eyes squinting confusedly at the darkness outside of his window. An emergency-?
“Um… You requested to be called, sir.”
Sakazuki did not recognize the voice but he didn’t have to; The words were enough to jog his memory.
“Call again in four hours,” he grunted before dropping the call.
He forced himself to leave the bed, tiredly shuffling across the floor. Right, he would need to prepare a laughably small amount of formula for the infant-
He sniffed as he entered the room, the unmistakable smell of refuse assaulting his nostrils.
Right. The baby still had the same nappy since he had the medic change it under the guise of showing him how. If it ate every few hours, it probably needed to get the nappies changed about that often, too.
Sighing, he decided to deal with the smell first.
Grabbing the bag of nappies, he went to take the child out of the cot, bringing it to the bathroom. It seemed fussy, for a moment, but settled easily against his pajama shirt, appearing perfectly happy to continue sleeping.
Or, at least, Sakazuki assumed it had been sleeping. It’s been hours; Babies are supposed to sleep a lot, right?
Then again, from what little he knew about babies, they were supposed to cry a lot, too, and this one had yet to make a sound.
It was slightly eerie, if he was being honest.
He fully intended to put the child straight down on the marble counter, but thought better of it at the last second. Heating up his free hand, he pressed it against the stone for a moment, awkwardly spreading a towel over the surface and laying the baby over that.
There. Nobody could say he didn’t treat all his responsibilities with the utmost care.
His own childhood wasn’t exactly rainbows and roses; As a child in the North Blue, Sakazuki saw things he could recognize no child should bear witness to.
Yet somehow changing a soiled nappy still made it into the top of the most disgusting things he experienced.
There was a brief moment of confliction when he realised the nappies were supposed to be reusable, not thrown out after a single use. In the end, Sakazuki carefully scooped the contents into the toilet before rinsing the cloth and setting it aside to throw in the wash later.
He would not wash it in the same load as the rest of his clothes, of that he was certain.
After briefly struggling to put a new nappy on, Sakazuki left the entire bag of the cloths in the bathroom for later. He fixed the onesie before taking the child back to the cot, moving swiftly to prepare the formula and feed the infant.
It proved a bigger challenge than the last time he did that, for some reason. The child was clearly eager to eat, but its eyes kept slipping closed as it drank.
At least it didn’t take long to fill its tiny little stomach.
Sakazuki placed the child back in the cot somewhat more carefully, but despite his efforts, its eyes opened the moment it left his arms.
It didn’t cry, though, so he didn’t consider it a problem. He rinsed the bottle and left for his bed.
***
Sakazuki briefly reconsidered the idea of getting an alarm Den Den Mushi. Having the petty officers over at Comms call him in the middle of the night for no apparent (to them) reason was proving not only reliable but also increasingly amusing, considering the growing amount of confusion and fear he could hear in their voices.
And, of course, the baby would be gone soon enough. Why waste his money on something he would only get to use for a few days when he already had a free alternative?
Something to consider later, he decided, crawling out of bed. The interrupted sleep wasn’t particularly restful, but he could manage slight sleep deprivation if it meant finally making progress on his career path.
He dressed in his uniform, prepared a cup of coffee and, while the formula was heating up to the required temperature, considered what to do with the child for the day.
Leaving it in the care of anyone else was out of the question for as long as its wellbeing was tied to Sakazuki’s promotion, but he could hardly do his duties with an infant constantly taking up one of his arms!
The infirmary was an option, he supposed. At least he could trust the child wouldn’t perish while in there.
Alternatively, he could work from his flat, or possibly request a cot to be placed in his office so that he could keep the child nearby in case of an emergency, leaving the infirmary as a last resort for when he was called away for a mission.
It was just for a few days, tops. He’d manage.
When he approached the cot with a bottle in hand, the child seemed to be already awake, and not particularly happy about that fact, judging by its soft grunts. Sakazuki didn’t think the infant had a leg to stand on there, really. It could sleep all it wanted and didn’t have to be awake far too early to feed a random parasite someone pushed onto it.
Just like during the last feeding, the baby started falling asleep while Sakazuki was trying to get some food in it. If it was going to continue being that difficult, Sakazuki would take his chances against Garp’s threats.
…Of course, the universe seemed to take this as a challenge and the child pissed all over the front of Sakazuki’s uniform while he was trying to change its nappy, forcing him to change his own clothes before leaving for the day.
He deserved a medal for not immediately crushing it with a magma fist.
***
The infirmary was his first stop, intending to get the check-up out of the way before continuing on with his day.
The medic — Dr. Fishbonen, apparently, which kind of explained why he’s constantly chewing on a fish that’s been picked to the bones — measured the child’s weight and size as if he expected it to change considerably overnight.
Sakazuki wasn’t sure if it was of any import, but… “The infant doesn’t seem to sleep well,” he said. “It falls asleep when I try to feed it, but whenever I put it down in the cot, it’s wide awake.”
Dr. Fishbonen blinked up at him from where he was making weird noises at the baby. “Oh?”
Having said everything he had to say on the topic, Sakazuki refused to elaborate.
“Hm,” Dr. Fishbonen straightened up. “Why don’t I grab a bottle, and we can see what’s up with that.”
The statement gave Sakazuki no confidence in the doctor being able to figure out what — if anything — was wrong with the baby, but he moved to pick the infant up anyways.
He didn’t even need the bottle, in the end; The child started falling asleep the instant Sakazuki picked it up.
“Awww,” Dr. Fishbonen cooed at the sight, immediately abandoning his quest for the bottle. “I think I know what’s going on!”
…Well, colour him surprised, Sakazuki had not been expecting that.
“He likes how warm you are!”
“...What.”
“Your Devil Fruit,” the doctor elaborated, smiling down at the child. “You run hotter because of it, and little Ace here seems to like it! So much so that he can’t fall asleep when alone in his cot, because it’s too cold for him!”
Sakazuki dearly wished Dr. Fishbonen was just joking. He knew that wasn’t the case, though.
“Then I’ll just get a blanket-”
“Oh, no, that’s not safe for babies,” the doctor interrupted instantly, walking off towards one of the various cupboards scattered over the room. “Most blankets are far too heavy for them, and babies can’t really move themselves with enough coordination to avoid getting smothered… I have something much better here!”
What he pulled out seemed to be, for all intents and purposes, a rather large triangular scarf.
Sakazuki glared at the item on principle. “What’s that?”
“It’s a baby carrier!” Dr. Fishbonen beamed. “Or, well, it’s technically meant to be used as a sling, but it’ll work well enough as a carrier. You’ll just put the baby in it, and then it can feel toasty enough to sleep while you do whatever it is you do!”
…It was a better temporary solution than requesting another cot in his office. Or breaking his back working at his table.
The rationalisation did not stop him from glaring at the scarf for the entire time Dr. Fishbonen helped him figure out how to wear it in a way that wouldn’t see the child slip out.