Chapter Text
Regulus Black runs away from his home during winter break after Sirius did the same thing earlier in the summer before his sixth year at Hogwarts.
Before Regulus even considered leaving, Walburga became more violent. Throughout the entire summer and then winter break when he returned from Hogwarts, he could only stay in his room or the library, which held no interesting books he hasn’t already read. There is no entertainment in The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black, and Regulus is certain there never will be.
They did not hold any dinners anymore, because after everyone found out that their older son ran away, well...
It was not pretty.
His father locked himself in his office every morning and returned in the evening just to have dinner with his wife and his son. He got drunk, went to sleep and then repeated this routine every day.
His mother also disappeared a lot. Regulus still has no idea what was she doing in her spare time, but the most important thing about his parents is that they were absent most of the time, so it was bearable in Grimmauld place.
Until Regulus started secretly getting rebelious.
Nobody knew, really. Every time his mother talked about blood traitors or muggles, and treated Kreacher like he was not a creature with his own mind, Regulus wanted to shout and fight but couldn't.
He felt so trapped, scared and alone in this house for such long time.
When there was Sirius, it was easier to survive. Now it was just Regulus, Kreacher and a lot of books to keep himself from going insane.
He would love to write poems in his spare time, but he was too scared that Walburga would find the notebook in which he writes them. He would love to send letters to his friends at least to inform them that he was relatively "fine", but his father monitored where their owls fly, and Regulus did not want to answer any questions regarding Pandora Lovegood or Dorcas Meadows — some of the closest to him people that are not pure-blood.
It was okay for some time. Not good, but also not bad. He just existed and nobody cared.
Regulus should've known that it was just a calm before a storm.
After hearing a rumor that he had been talking to Sirius and secretly sending him letters — though he had no idea who had told her this, because he had not done such things — his mother punished him. When he was younger, he thought his parents did all those horrible things to him and his brother out of love, but now he does not even consider it. Walburga just likes seeing others suffer.
He wouldn’t even be surprised if she cast some sort of spell that prevented him from eating. He knew no such spell, but he was sure she could invent one. She said nothing outright, only that she was "disappointed." So he initially thought it was nothing.
Clearly, he was wrong.
He hardly ate for almost all of the summer and the winter break. Every meal with his parents felt like another form of torture. It was always silent, except for the occasional “small talk,” or long speeches about their hate for everything that is different, wrapped neatly in beautiful, long words to make it sound like they are teaching Regulus something important, which he deeply hated. He ate so little at the table for some time that he started seriously suspecting his mother was fully behind it, as though she wanted to see the effects of her actions.
He felt like he was going insane.
Nothing made sense; every little thing that seemed wrong, he immediately suspected his mother was behind it.
Though now sometimes, when he stares at the ceiling in the darkness of his new, spacious room before falling asleep, he wonders if it’s his fault. Maybe there’s something deeply wrong with him and all that was happening in Grimmauld place was his fault.
Still, he had a book from Pandora and wrote letters to his friends every day, which he obviously could not send, but he kept them anyway. They brought some sort of comfort to him.
Overral things could be worse. Each morning began with him reading letters from his friends. Their owls knew where to fly so that his parents would not see them.
Pandora was spending time with her parents in the countryside and told him it’s been fun. They cooked, baked, cared for animals, and played board games together.
Dorcas, who lives in London, wrote about shopping at malls — which she once had to explain to Regulus because he’d never heard of them before and was deeply confused — and traveling to the mountains. She loves to explore.
Barty, meanwhile, stayed with Evan at Hogwarts over the break, as his father was constantly working and his mother pretended Barty didn’t exist. Barty wrote about using the fireplace in Hogsmeade to explore London with Evan and spend time with Dorcas. Evan’s family situation is similar, so the three of them are “exploring” the city together, and they’ve even met Dorcas’ parents. It’s hard to forget the letter where Barty wrote an entire page-long joke (or at least Regulus hopes it was a joke) about how beautiful Dorcas’ mother is.
Things were relatively bearable until one day, his mother found a Muggle book Pandora gave him and unsent letters to his friends in it.
He should admit that it was not his brightest moment.
Regulus can’t forget the words she said to him at that moment. “I’m disappointed in you, Regulus. We didn’t raise you like this. How dare you write letters to mudbloods and blood traitors. After everything we’ve done for you, you’re still following in your brother’s footsteps.”
When Regulus protested, Walburga punished him with the Cruciatus Curse. He did not expect her to be that violent. A slap on his cheek was a normal occasion, but he never expected that such a small thing was all it took for his mother to show her real face.
He doesn’t even know how long it lasted before he realized that she’s burning the book and letters in front of him. “If I hear even once that you fraternize with this dirt of the earth, it will show your disrespect for me and your father. And then the punishment will be even more cruel than just Crucio.”
Regulus couldn't say anything. He focused on not throwing up on the floor and angering her further.
“Why are you crying? My mother used to do worse things to me and see? I lived. Stand up and get a grip, or I’ll give you a real reason to cry,” she sneered, leaving him alone in the room.
That’s the moment he decided that he had to leave.
When he finally managed to get up, he packed his most important belongings into a small suitcase. Everything hurt. His spine felt like it was struck with thousands of pins, his hands were numb, and his head hurt so bad that he actually thought that he would faint.
With the last of his strength, he cast Diminuendo to shrink the suitcase, slipped it into his pocket, and silently headed downstairs. Everything in front of him was blurry, and he moved on autopilot.
Get out, get out, get out, his mind screamed, and he could not think about anything else in that moment.
Certain that his mother was in her bedroom at this late hour, he threw a handful of Floo powder into the fireplace and stepped into his cousin Andromeda’s house. He most likely fainted from exhaustion upon arrival because Andy later told him that she found him in a horrible condition. She and her husband immediately began treating him.
He woke up shortly afterward, and they had many questions, though they assured him he didn’t have to answer them. Still, Regulus felt guilty for disturbing them and explained everything. At the end, he fearfully asked if he could stay with them until he was eighteen, promising to help around the house.
Andromeda agreed, joking, “I have a big heart and a habit of picking up strays,” nodding at three sleeping cats in the kitchen. Regulus managed a small smile. She made him promise that whatever happens — good or bad — he’ll come to her or Ted.
Late that night, while Regulus and Andromeda were sitting in the kitchen, Ted went to bed because he had work the next morning, and a little girl peeked into the kitchen, rubbing her eye, looking very sleepy, and Andy quickly asked if everything was okay. The girl said she heard a noise and wanted to know what it was. Regulus remembers vividly when Andy introduced them and said he would be like a big brother to her.
Something tightened in his chest then, and he shed a few tears while talking to his cousin. Andy later showed him to the guest room and told him to rest, saying he could sleep until lunch. “Everyone eats breakfast at different times here,” she explained, adding that they only have breakfast together occasionally, depending on the day.
The remaining week and a half of the winter break flied by as he adjusted to life with the Tonks. He quickly started to trust them. He talked to Ted about books and became addicted to Muggle music, especially Pink Floyd.
With Andy (though it took him a while to stop saying “Mrs.”), they talked about everything and nothing, bonding over their sarcastic humor and similar interests. Potions, literature, politics, women rights — basically every problem and thing on this planet Earth.
After breakfast one morning, following a brief misunderstanding with Dora — she glared at him passively-aggressively all through breakfast when he called her “Nymphadora” — he wrote letters to his friends, explaining everything.
A few days into his stay, he decided to come out to the Tonks. He was worried they’ll find it horrible or disgusting. Even though he knew rationally they’re good people, the fear tightened in his chest and made him nauseous every day he lived with them.
On a snowy winter evening, he gathered them around with tea, cookies, and cinnamon rolls. After Andy assured him they’ll still love him no matter what, he blurted out, “I’m gay. I only like guys.”
Andromeda immediately hugged him, repeating, “Thank you for trusting us. Everything’s fine. You’re safe. We love you, and it doesn’t change anything. You’re still a good person.”
Ted and a confused Dora joined the hug then, and Regulus started crying. He couldn't remember the last time he felt so at home, loved, and safe.
When they broke the hug, Andy repeated her earlier words. Dora, still not fully understanding, said, “It’s okay, brother. I love boys too. Even if I don’t get why you don’t like girls, I still love you.”
They burst into laughter, and Andy jokingly yelled, “Dora, you’re too young!”
For the holidays, Andy and Ted suggested Regulus invite his friends over. At first, he hesitated, not wanting to inconvenience them, but Andy insisted the house will be free for two days before the New Year, so he agreed.
When his friends arrived, they were initially skeptical about the Tonks, but they quickly warmed up to Andy’s humor and her ability to make everyone feel at ease. Dora became instant friends with everyone, especially Dorcas and Barty. After Andy, Ted, and Dora left to attend some kind of dinner with their friends, Regulus’ friends bombarded him with questions.
Today is the last day of winter break, and tomorrow they return to Hogwarts. They sit, all warmly dressed (because if they weren’t, Andy would have killed them), in the huge garden in the backyard of his home. They smoke and just enjoy the silence, which Dorcas breaks.
"Ey, guys, if today was the last day, what would you wanna do? Like, let’s assume that tomorrow everyone dies and nothing will matter anymore. I’ll start, because I would definitely get a nose piercing and a few more in my ears. Then maybe go to karaoke and sing songs by The Beatles at the top of my lungs not caring about other people." She looks at the others with a soft smile on her lips.
Pandora smiles gently, puffing on the cigarette she shares with Barty and Dorcas. Regulus hands his cigarette, which he shares with Evan, to him, and looks up at the cloudy sky.
"I would also like to get a piercing. And some tattoos, too. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time. From the moment I ran away, the only thing on my mind was that Andy would have allowed it. But still, I’m a little worried that I’d regret it later," Regulus says.
"Uh-oh, Regulus, goody two-shoes breaking bad? I’m shocked." Regulus smacks Barty’s head when he giggles.
"Anyway, I would tell my dear father to go fuck himself. I’ve been dreaming about this since I realized that this is not how loving parents treat their kids." He gestures wildly, ash falling from his cigarette on his jacket. "Pandora, I adore you and your parents. Maybe I’d like to go shopping with you and your mom in London, in a mall or something. That would be fun. Or even just all of us going shopping at a Muggle mall." Barty speaks quickly and actively, almost without breaks, his smile dreamy but carrying the usual note of arrogance.
"Oh, Barty, how sweet! I think... maybe I’d like to cook something with my mom, and then bake something with my dad. Then spread some stupid rumor around the whole school. And maybe I’d like to do something illegal, like stealing poor animals from a Muggle circus. Did you know that Muggles use animals to entertain people? It’s so stupid. And sad. Then I’d like to spend time with you, of course. And maybe I’d tell Xenophilius I like him." Pandora speaks in a calm, quiet voice that sounds like a birdsong.
Regulus loves it when girls secretly stay in the boys’ dorm room and when Panda reads aloud to him before bed. Pandora and Dorcas sleep in their dorm room whenever someone in their group is feeling down or just needs company. Sometimes they cuddle, sometimes they gossip, and sometimes they just lay on the floor listening to Muggle music. Sometimes they give each other forehead kisses, sometimes they hold each other. All of them know it’s their platonic way of expressing love. None of the Slytherins—except for some older guys (but Regulus and his friends think Snape, Mulciber, and Nott are egoistic prats, so the opinions of those jerks are invalid)—ever dare to ask about Pandora and Dorcas leaving their room early along with the boys.
"Damn, Bambi, cool idea. Doing something illegal. I mean, we’re already unregistered Animagi, and it could get us in Azkaban for Salazar knows how long if we’re not careful. Of course, I wouldn’t kill anyone, but something small, like vandalism? I don’t think it would hurt anyone." Barty looks at her, smiling mischievously, and she reciprocates with a similar smile.
They are all unregistered Animagi. Regulus became one at the start of their fourth year at Hogwarts, and when his friends found out, they of course asked him to teach them. "For fun" was their only argument.
"Maybe I’d take my siblings somewhere cool. My family isn’t that bad, but it isn’t good either, so I’d want them to have a better childhood." Evan's cheeks turn pink from embarrassment when Barty smiles warmly, and Pandora and Dorcas coo at him. "Also! I’d prank the Marauders. Imagine how cool that would be—someone unknown humiliating the legendary prank kings." Evan takes a deep drag, and Regulus takes the cigarette from him.
"You’re so fucking right, Rose. I’d love to do something like that too! I would’ve loved to see Regulus’ brother disgrace himself." Regulus smacks Barty even harder this time. "Ow, Reggie, I thought we hated him here, or at least that this was a safe place to hate everyone. Calm your horses."
"That’s not how you say it," Dorcas says, looking at him funny.
He pointedly ignores her for an awkward moment before replying simply, "Nah."
"'Nah'?"
"Nah."
"You're actually thick."
"Hey, look, look, I’m gonna do that trick I learned last time that didn’t work." Barty takes a drag, holds the smoke in his mouth for a moment, and blows a few smoke rings. Dorcas and Evan clap, and one of them even makes a wolf whistle while Pandora smiles in surprise before clapping too. Regulus rolls his eyes, hiding his smirk in his scarf. Barty smiles, a little shy but proud.
Dorcas exhales her last puff and stubs out the cigarette. "Do y’all know we have to quit smoking?"
All of them groan.
"Then why don’t we do it?" she smiles, looking at each one in turn, already knowing the answer.
"Come on, Bagheera, you know sometimes you just smoke for funsies! We’re teenagers, it’s common for us!" Barty throws his arm over her shoulder, and they start to bicker and fight jokingly, but Dorcas gets frustrated when he “accidentally” pulls the small decorative ring out of her styled hair.
"Oh, you little giggling bitch, get over here, you cunt!"
At that moment, Barty transforms into his animal form, and Dorcas runs after him as a dark panther. And although Regulus will never say it out loud, he’s grateful they asked him about becoming Animagi. Sometimes he just wants to curl up into a small ball in the shape of a black Norwegian Forest cat next to a warm moose, a large but soft black panther, a white, beautiful dove, and a fluffy, spotted hyena.
And now the Hyena in front of the Panther begins making sounds resembling a human giggle, signaling that he is stressed. They start playing catch across the garden, running, jumping through bushes, and lightly biting at each other.
"I might start trying different styles of clothing. I was thinking of asking Dorcas and you, Bambi, for help. The three of us need to go shopping for new clothes anyway. I'll also get myself a record player and some new records. Andy showed me a vinyl by The Rolling Stones recently, and I’m in love with their music." Regulus, who used to keep his emotions in check, now finds it hard to do so since moving in with the Tonks. He’s trying to talk more about what he likes, and his friends notice but don’t comment on it. They’re simply happy he’s starting to open up to them, even just a little.
"Reg, that's amazing! Maybe you’d want to look for matching outfits with me? I’ve been wanting to get some new dresses and blouses anyway. Maybe you’d like to try a style like mine—something free, light, and colorful. A light blue would suit your eyes. Or you could go for something more... grunge, I guess. Like what Barty or Dorcas wear, you know?" Pandora says softly, looking at him with kind eyes. Her pink beanie with cat ears and sparkly artificial eyes, glistens under the snow.
"Hey, I might as well try something new. I only ever wear the same old clothes. It’s worth a shot, I think." Evan smiles broadly and glances between Pandora and Regulus for approval.
"Oh my, yes! We could have matching outfits, the three of us! That would be amazing!" she beams, brimming with excitement. Regulus smiles warmly, and Evan matches it with his usual wide grin, a dimple on his left cheek getting more prominent. A Hyena races past them, emitting cheerful sounds, followed closely by a Panther at full speed.
"I’d also like to pick up a new hobby. Maybe I’ll learn to play the guitar?" Evan pulls a cigarette from the pack in his pocket.
"Oh, Ev, that’s such a good idea! Maybe I should try something new too... singing, maybe? Do you think I have a good voice?" She looks at the boys, her eyes alight with anticipation.
"Panda, why are you even asking? Of course, you have a lovely voice! I could listen to you talk forever." Evan looks at her with wide eyes and a warm smile. Not far from them, the exhausted Hyena collapses into the snow, the Panther curling up beside him and starting to lick her friend’s fur.
To some, this scene might seem strange — two predators, natural rivals in the wild, lying together like this, but they are part of the same pack, and despite their squabbles, they look out for one another. Especially Dorcas, who they call Bagheera. The nicknames are something Regulus secretly loves. At first, he and Barty found it odd when Dorcas treated them like her cubs. Evan, on the other hand — arguably the weirdest animal of them all — always seemed perfectly at ease with it. Dorcas is only a year older than them, but she once explained that she sometimes feels like she needs to look after them, even though the age gap is so small. Regulus finds it endearing, though he would never admit it.
"He’s right, Pandora. You’d be great. And Evan, if you’re serious about this, then good luck. You could even write ballads for Barty. Maybe that would magically resolve all the sexual tension between you two," Regulus teases with a smirk. Evan blushes faintly and quickly turns away, trying to hide it with smoke he lets out of his mouth. Regulus and Pandora giggle softly to themselves. Evan takes another drag.
"Well, Reg, what about you?" Evan tries to keep his smile in check but fails miserably.
"What do you mean, Ev?" Regulus replies cautiously, raising an eyebrow as he takes the cigarette from him.
"You’re free now, free from the filthy clutches of your parents. You don’t have any obligations anymore. Are you planning to do something about your horrible and deeply embarrassing crush on Potter?" As soon as Evan says the name, Regulus shoots him a deadly glare, already considering testing out his newest hex. Maybe he still has feelings for Potter, but the chances of anything happening are laughably small. Since his fourth year, he’s admired Potter from afar, satisfied to simply look. And honestly, Potter is too oblivious, being completely obsessed with Evans. Regulus now regrets confiding in Evan, Pandora, and especially Barty and Dorcas, who never miss a chance to tease him about it. It must seem utterly ridiculous from their perspective.
"I do not have a crush on Potter. That’s ridiculous. And if you bring it up one more time, I swear I’ll hex your balls off, Barty’s preferences be damned, and then skin you alive." Evan stutters for a moment—not because of the threat—then quickly composes himself, fidgeting with the sleeve of his hoodie.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night, kitty," he says with a grin. Regulus groans at the nickname and passes the cigarette back to him. "Anyway, back to the earlier topic... I already know how to play the violin and cello, and I quite like it. But I think I’d like to try riding a motorcycle. Panda, didn’t you say your uncle works at a Muggle motorcycle shop? Do you think he’d let us ride without licenses?"
Pandora considers this for a moment, then smiles, though there’s a mischievous glint in her expression.
"Maybe. I’ll ask him. But he told me once about his youth, when he used to participate in illegal races, and my dad—his brother—always supported him. So, even if our parents find out, they’d only be a little angry. They’d worry, of course, but they wouldn’t forbid it." The three of them share a grin just as Barty appears, breathless and red-cheeked, tackling Evan from behind the bench and wrapping his arms around his neck. Evan blushes slightly, though if Barty notices, he probably assumes it’s from the cold. Moments later, Dorcas flops onto Pandora’s lap, equally breathless, her head resting on Regulus' lap while her legs dangle off the side of the bench. Regulus buries his fingers in her dark, curly hair, smiling softly.
As Barty sits beside Evan, Pandora starts chatting with Dorcas and him about the latest Daily Prophet gossip. They pass the cigarette back and forth, joking about nothing in particular. When Andromeda steps onto the terrace, they freeze. They know she’s aware they smoke—after all, she calls them her “kids” now (something that nearly made Barty cry the first time and made Evan smile shyly)—but they still try to keep it a secret. Dorcas, who’s holding the cigarette at the time, quickly flicks it into the snow behind the bench, flashing a sweet smile in Andromeda’s direction.
"Kids, let's go home, it's getting dark, and dinner is ready! Dora said she wanted to gossip with you after dinner. To be honest, I don’t even know who she learned the word from—Dorcas or Barty?" Andy smiles warmly, and Regulus feels like he’s at home. No. Not like. He is at home.
With cousin Andy, who is more of a mother to him than Walburga has ever been. With Ted, who constantly steals carrots from Dora during dinner because he knows how much she hates them. With Dora, whose hair Andy recently dyed pink because Pandora visited with charmed light blue hair adorned with sequins, butterflies, and flowers. Dora loved it so much that she begged her mom to do something similar. Regulus doesn’t even question anymore how Pandora managed all of that in the middle of winter—it’s just easier to accept her imagination and abilities without overthinking it, even if he secretly loves hearing her ramble about things she enjoys.
He’s home with Pandora, who instantly smiles at the charmed, cat-shaped food on her plate because Andy remembers how Pandora always made art out of food in the past just because it's cute. He’s home with Dorcas, who’s endlessly grateful that she always gets the most meat at meals, since she loves it so much, and who takes every chance to help Andy clean up afterward.
He’s home with Barty, who still sometimes feels a little out of place in such a warm and open family, just like Regulus does, because they both grew up in houses where love was cold and distant, and affection was never expressed. Both of them are getting used to it—slowly but surely. He’s home with Evan, who talks with Ted about books and music because they share the same tastes in literature and art. Although Regulus sometimes joins those conversations, his preferences are slightly different, so he often just listens.
Even though his thoughts have been drifting back to his older brother a lot lately, he feels like everything is going to be okay.
Because his family—his real family, in everything but blood—is right here with him. A lump rises in his throat, and even though he’s not usually sentimental, he lets himself blink away the dampness in his eyes. Even if the world is cruel, even if it sometimes feels like no one understands them, they’ll always have each other.
Regulus takes a sip of his cherry juice to hide his big smile and joins Andy’s and Dorcas’ debate about Quidditch.