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For all intents and purposes, 12:47 am was a concerning time to be up drinking, but there was nothing better for a couple of unkempt housemates to be doing. A whiskey bottle flashed gold under the contact of a moonbeam streaming from the window. Teddy took a huge swig from the bottle and threw his head back with a sigh. Duster leaned on the arm of the couch, noticing the couple of hairs on Teddy’s chin that he neglected to remove when he last shaved.
“Y’know somethin’, Duster?”
Teddy’s sudden comment made Duster perk up, suddenly aware of how long he’d been looking at his face. He scratched at his cheek, tactfully covering up the slight blush that had appeared.
“What’s up, Teddy?”
Teddy didn’t respond right away. He took another long drink, finishing the bottle with a satisfied groan. He fumbled to put the bottle on the end table, nearly letting it fall to the ground before catching and readjusting it carefully. Duster didn’t know how many drinks he’d had, just that it must’ve been a lot, since Teddy was no lightweight. Duster himself felt pretty buzzed, but still coherent enough.
“What were you gonna say?” Duster asked.
Teddy lazily scratched the side of his face. It was hard to tell if he even heard what Duster had said. This was largely due to the fact that his eyes had remained shut for the past 10 minutes, and he didn’t so much as turn his head. Finally, though, he spoke with a voice that sounded more sober than he actually was.
“I’d die for you.”
Duster blinked. He tried to analyze Teddy’s expression to figure out his intention, but it was completely blank.
“What do you mean?”
Teddy finally opened his eyes, turning to stare directly into Duster’s. Unlike the laughing and joking they were doing just a short few minutes ago, this expression was cold and serious.
“If I needed to die to protect you, I would. I would rather die than see you get hurt. Simple as that.”
Duster suddenly felt sick to his stomach, and he didn’t think it was the alcohol getting to him. He knew immediately that he never wanted to associate dying with Teddy ever again. He shook his head, trying to erase the horrifying thoughts that intruded into his brain.
“Please, don’t.”
“What? I’m serious.”
“I don’t want you to die.”
Duster locked eyes with his friend once again, trying to communicate his distress at the idea without saying a word. Teddy stared back, expression as still as a statue. Duster tried to find something else to say, but his throat closed up at any attempt.
The awkward silence lingered until Teddy opted to put his head in his hand and close his eyes once again.
“You’re more important.”
“What?”
Teddy’s hand covered his eyes entirely as it rested on his face. Yet, the tiniest, most subtle hitched breath clued Duster in on the emotions Teddy was experiencing. As if a switch was flipped, the floodgates spilled open.
“All I ever did was hurt people, Duster. I did awful things and I’m still here. I get to be alive and my parents don’t? What a load of garbage…”
His voice trailed off as a tear escaped from behind his hand. As quickly as it appeared, he wiped it away with a swipe of the thumb.
“At least if I died protecting you, I know I was worth something. You’re a good person. You’re everything to me.”
Duster felt like he should’ve been burning up at Teddy’s honest confession, but he felt ice cold. He couldn’t do anything other than stare gravely at his best friend, trying to find something, anything to say.
How long has Teddy felt this way? Why didn’t he say anything to him?
“You think you’re worth nothing?” Duster asked, voice cracking slightly on the final word.
“I dunno…” Teddy droned. “Forget I said anything.”
“No, Teddy, I’m not gonna forget. You’re my best friend.”
“I was just bein’ dramatic or somethin’…”
Duster reached forward, grabbing one of Teddy’s hands from his face. “Teddy, stop hiding your feelings, please. Let me help you. I want to.”
With the hand removed, Duster could finally see the profound heartache in Teddy’s eyes, which made his own heart want to break in two. Teddy silently shook his head, evading eye contact. He wasn’t gonna talk willingly. He never did when it came to his feelings.
“You’re worth so much. You’re amazing, Teddy.”
The man said nothing, but he didn’t draw his hand back from Duster’s either. His hand was rough and scarred—living proof of all the times he sacrificed his own wellbeing to help somebody else.
“You always put other people before you, because you want to protect them. And you never talk about how you hurt, because you don’t want to put it on other people. You’re worried about what other people think about you, so you try to stay strong. I know you, Teddy, maybe better than anybody else…”
Duster gave his hand a tight squeeze. Teddy returned eye contact, a thin layer of tears still welled in his eyes.
“And I know better than anybody that you’re something special. I wish you could see yourself how I see you.”
“How’s that?” asked Teddy, a tiny smirk appearing on his face.
“Better not tell you until you’re sober. Let’s go to bed.”
Duster carefully coaxed Teddy to get off the couch, holding onto one of his arms. He doubted he’d be able to fully catch Teddy if he fell, but it was the thought that counted.
“What? I’m sober…”
Right as it came out of his mouth, Teddy strode right into a wall, making him stumble and nearly fall over.
“If you say so, Teddy.”
The two climbed the stairs side by side, Duster taking extra care to make sure Teddy’s feet didn’t slip off the steps in his drunken daze. Though he didn’t say it, it felt nice to have Teddy lean against him. He was the kind of guy who radiates warmth naturally, and if that wasn’t enough to make Duster want to bury himself into Teddy’s torso, the serene look on the man’s face definitely pushed that envelope further.
When they made it to the top of the stairs, Teddy shoved his door open on his own, leaving Duster feeling more empty than he was a second ago as he stepped away. He trudged over to his bed, and after a few seconds of deliberation, flopped onto it face-down with a heavy thump.
“You gonna be alright, Teddy?”
“Mhm,” said his muffled voice. “Just gonna sleep it all off.”
Duster shook his head, letting an amused laugh escape. Teddy really needed to work on his coping skills, but it was late, so he’d give him a pass for now.
“I’ll let you get some rest,” Duster said, backing away slowly into the hallway.
Another mumble slipped the confines of the bedspread. “It’d be even better if you stayed here, but whatever...”
Duster blinked. His cheeks turned bright pink as the words registered and circulated in his head. Staying in Teddy’s room for the night? Oh God. What was he supposed to say? Clearly he misheard him, or he misunderstood, or Teddy was just super, super drunk—
“Stayyyyy.” Teddy drawled, tilting his head up so Duster could hear him clearer.
Duster could feel every fiber of his body urging him to spring onto Teddy’s mattress and make himself at home, but against his wishes and much to his surprise, he didn’t do exactly that.
“Ted, I’d love to stay here with you tonight, you have no idea how much I want to do that. But I don’t think Sober Teddy would be as much of a fan of waking up tomorrow morning in the same bed as me.”
A long, shrill noise that could only be described as a whine came from Teddy, who followed it up by grabbing his covers and hiding underneath them. “Whatever.”
It took all of Duster’s effort not to start laughing at all his theatrics. He took a mental note for later. “Intoxicated Teddy is a big brat. Good to know.”
He closed the door most of the way and gave his parting message. “Goodnight Teddy.”
With a click of the door, Duster quietly walked to his own room, face still rosy from their interaction. Someday, he’d get to know what it felt like to be fully taken into Teddy’s arms, resting comfortably on his chest. They weren’t at that point in their relationship yet, but Duster had a strange feeling that someday, they would get there.