Chapter Text
Hanawa’s sitting on one of the benches outside, busy typing something into his phone. Probably has to do with Kiryu’s departure tomorrow – why else would he go outside to do it?
“Go talk to him,” Adachi whispered to him earlier, “Might be some time before you see each other again. Whatever is going on between you two, why not settle it now?”
That guy is incredibly perceptive, isn’t he? Though perhaps he should expect no less from Date’s senpai.
But still, he said it like it would be easy. Say he does go out there, what is he even supposed to say?
There’s no time left to think, and he’s drawing a blank.
“Come out here for a smoke?”
Seems like he wasn’t as discreet as he thought. He sighs as he comes out from behind the tree, pulling out his box of cigarettes. Gotta play it cool somehow.
“Not even cancer can get you to quiet, huh? You fiend.”
“Ouch.” That comment hurt like a jab to the stomach, but he probably deserves it.
“Mind if I sit next to you?”
Hanawa doesn’t reply, simply turning his phone off, which Kiryu takes as a yes. He quietly moves aside to give Kiryu some space, careful to avoid any physical contact.
“I assume you were reporting to HQ about my departure tomorrow?”
“That’s been done a few hours ago.” Hanawa looks away, “I was talking to Shishido.”
“He’s that clingy, huh?”
Hanawa doesn’t respond to that, and Kiryu’s not sure what else he should say, so the only thing left is to do what he said he came here to do. He puts a cigarette between his lips, turning away slightly from Hanawa as he lights it.
“Why are you like this? To hurt me on purpose?”
How long ago was that? Feels like years, though in reality it’s probably closer to a few weeks – they haven’t talked much since. Hanawa retreated into the hideout and busied himself with work, while Kiryu’s hotel room suddenly felt too big, too empty. The island felt like a prison where they tried to avoid each other as best as they could.
He wasn’t exactly content to leave things that way, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it either; hell, he still doesn’t know how to fix it now, even when Hanawa seems– somewhat willing to talk about it.
Now that they’re in proximity of each other again, Kiryu can’t help but look at him – his cute little nose, his calm but sharp gaze, his pretty lips. Seems like more of his hair has gone grey, too.
Things were going well for a while. Hanawa seemed to enjoy being in Hawaii, being with him – carefreely strolling around town without fear of being ambushed, allowed Kiryu to hold his hand in public, watching the sunset from the comfort of his arms. He smiled and laughed without a second thought – it felt like a never–ending honeymoon.
If only he hadn’t gotten sick. If it was going to happen eventually, at least his stupid body could’ve waited until they returned to Japan, rather than cut their time short like this.
“You know, that boy is even more difficult to manage than you,” Hanawa sighs, “No immediate family we know of, and no real purpose in life, either. I don’t think he sees any value in living.”
“Is that so?”
“And you’re– the same way.” Kiryu quickly averts his gaze as Hanawa glares at him. “I’m glad these kids are finally able to convince you to seek treatment, because god knows I couldn’t do it myself.”
“I’m sorry,” Kiryu replies sheepishly, “I mean it, Hanawa. It’s not that I don’t want to listen to you, but–”
“I know.” He steals a glance at Hanawa, only to see him somberly stare at the ground in front of him. “It’s partially my fault too, that things turned out this way. If you were still in Okinawa with those kids,” Hanawa inhales, “I’m sure you would fight harder to stay alive too.”
“Hanawa, I–”
Hanawa looks up to him with a resigned smile, “You know what I’ve been thinking about recently?”
Kiryu falls quiet, giving him the space to continue.
“When I showed you the video of the kids– the picture Haruto-kun drew.” There’s pain in his voice now, his eyes glossy with tears. Kiryu moves closer to hold his hands, surprised when Hanawa doesn’t withdraw them.
“I must admit I envy them a little.” Hanawa closes his eyes as he squeezes his hand, “I want to be a reason for you to keep going, too, but I realize that is a selfish desire driven by my own loneliness.”
“Of course you are, Hanawa.” He cups his cheek, and Hanawa so readily leans into his touch, like a moth to flame.
Though his words might not carry much weight now – for his whole life he always thought his pain and suffering was for him to bear alone. How foolish, how blind could he have been, not to realize he’s hurting the man he loves, and worse, to leave him to wallow in it alone?
“If it is as you say, then you have to go tomorrow,” Hanawa says, “Don’t worry about the mission, and don’t worry about me.”
“But what if–”
“Please, Kiryu, listen to me just this once,” Hanawa pleads, “I know it’s a selfish request. I know I have nothing I can offer you in return, but–”
Hanawa’s voice cracks, and Kiryu thinks it broke something in him, too.
“What will I do if you’re gone?”