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It was some time in the past, a venture that had started as a monster hunt, but which had become a simple camping trip. On top of a tall hill, surrounded by mountains far taller, Junna and Midori watched the stars in the sky together as they languidly skated across their view.
They had sleeping bags, but no tent— victims of some, but certainly not enough, foresight. Thankfully, it was a warm summer night, so it wouldn't be an issue. Junna was halfway through the only pack she had brought, and she was currently debating whether she should finish it off or not. Whether she would be able to find more cigarettes tomorrow, and if she even cared about that in the moment.
Sometimes, when she smoked, it was from stress. Tonight, it was mere boredom. Boredom born from a night of nothing. Sometimes, relaxing, but not now. If she had known this would lead nowhere, she would have stayed home. She spent plenty of weekends with Midori in a similar way before.
But this weekend, before she had left, she had been onto something. Research, studying, that was how she usually spent her time. So much history. So many arcane texts.Surely, if she studied them enough, she would discover a way to become a magical girl once again. Surely then she could save everyone and fix everything.
She took another long drag of her cigarette and suffocated the groan in the back of her throat. She was here now. She would deal with it. She was an adult, she could deal with plans going a little awry. She could let herself rest and relax without choking on her own stress. Surely she could find more cigarettes tomorrow. Surely she wouldn’t need to conserve the pack until she got home. It would be fine.
Several new texts, straight from Europe, had arrived earlier that week, and Junna was hopeful that they would have something helpful in her search to find the Realm of Light, and instead she was here, on a hill, in the middle of nowhere, camping.
It would be irresponsible to bring such important texts on a trip like this. They were fragile, and she was always sure to handle them with care… but she still should have brought something to read. Her apartment didn’t just have stacks of esoteric and alchemical journals. Some trashy romance novel would have fit in her bag just fine.
Junna wasn’t alone, but she didn’t feel like talking, and it didn’t seem like Midori was, either, given her silence. Midori was never one to play the moody type or act coy. If she wanted to talk, she would have been talking, and so Junna knew not to worry about her.
The place they had chosen as their campsite was grassy and soft, but when Junna glanced over at Midori, she saw that the girl had still managed to build a small pile of rocks next to her sleeping bag. She watched as the girl picked up one of them, then wound back her arm and threw the rock as hard as she could into the sky. It soared a little ways, visible in the light of the moon, before quickly falling down the hill and disappearing into the grass some ways away. She repeated this, and Junna realized she had probably been doing this for several minutes now. Her next throw was more like a halfhearted toss, as she threw the rock out into the ephemeral distance of a few meters away. Once again, they both watched it disappear into darkness.
Up above, the moon was so high and bright, consuming the sky. Watching Midori, it seemed to Junna that she was trying to hit that wide target, an impossible gesture which felt, in this moment, more manageable than it ever could have been before. She understood, maybe, what Midori was doing. It was childish, foolish, naive. In a word, it was Midori, and it made Junna smile a little, although it only lasted until she next brought her cigarette to her lips.
She tapped the cigarette against the beer can being used as an ashtray, then dropped the rest of the cigarette in after the ash, it being all but spent. Then, she patted around her jacket until she found her pack, and her lighter, and got started on the next one. All the while, Midori was still throwing rocks at the moon without a care in the world.
Maybe if she were in a better moon, or worse, she would have laughed, but as it was, Junna was simply just weary. She didn’t feel like provoking or prodding anything. Instead, she leaned back against her backpack being used as a seat of sorts and tried to relax. Maybe this time it would work. Or maybe she needed to start buying stronger cigarettes.
Another rock vanished a dozen or so meters into the distance, down below. Missed it by only a little bit.
Midori was childish, foolish, and naive, and that was what made her Midori, and that was what made Junna like her. The two had been friends for ages at this point, a decade or so, vaguely. Midori may have even been her closest friend, more than the others, more than anyone else without that shared history. The time they spent, and the way they spent it, couldn’t be compared to. Junna certainly couldn’t think of anyone else she could let be that close to her.
Junna was an only child, but she thought that Midori must be what it would be like to have a younger sister. Even if she knew that Midori saw things a different way. That sort of bright beacon in the world, for which Junna could never be. Midori was the younger sister, off by only a few months, and yet feeling so much younger, and so Junna played the part of the cool older sister for her. She felt impressionable, always looking up to Junna. Always wanting to be more like her.
Junna took another drag of her cigarette. There were always too many things in her life going unsaid, and she didn’t want one more. Her secret activities in middle school, or her sexuality in high school. Her choice of career, with her other friends, even after she quit. Adding one more to the pile felt like adding another stone on her back, but as long as it wasn’t the one that finally squeezed the last little bit of air from her lungs, then she could continue living. She really needed to find stronger cigarettes.
Midori’s small pile of rocks was growing smaller still. Smaller with each rock thrown. Maybe that was a better way to spend the time until they went to sleep than what Junna was doing. But then, Junna was still alive, so wasn’t it still working? Or maybe she could just go to bed.
Midori had never said anything about how she felt to Junna, and Junna would never pry. As long as things stayed like that, it would be fine. It was a perfectly tenable solution, and one that Junna would never have to think about again. Or maybe one that she would be thinking about every single day for the rest of her life or until something boiled over. One way or the other, a solution for the evening or until the end of this pack.
Junna finished the rest of her cigarette, then dropped it in the beer can, which got tucked off to the side. The moon still hung high in the sky, bathing the hilltop like a city lamp. And if Midori was a moth, drawn to the light, then Junna felt more like a rat shying away from it. As she laid down and tucked herself into her sleeping bag, she turned her gaze away from the sky and away from Midori, staring out into the darkness of the woods below the hill. She mumbled out a “good night” to Midori, but she wasn’t even sure the other girl heard it.
She focused on falling asleep. The weekend had been a fruitless waste of time, and it would be a long ride home tomorrow. And when she was home, she would need more cigarettes.
And Junna was crying. Of course she was crying. Why wouldn't she be?
She couldn't help Yui. She hadn't even been there for her.
She was sitting on her bike, a few blocks away from Yui’s apartment. They were supposed to meet up, have lunch, talk about things. But Junna didn't want to. After all, they hadn't been face to face since before she was in the hospital. She had been so proud of Yui for going sober, and so encouraging, and it had failed so poorly. She knew Yui must be dreading seeing her again, especially in the same circumstances as that day, and Junna felt the same. She was disappointed, yes, but mostly just worried. Yui had almost died.
She tried wiping the tears from her eyes. She had an image to maintain. Who could she be if not herself?
She walked her bike the rest of the way, if only because it was so loud, and she didn't want Yui to so obviously know she was there. In case she needed more time. Or maybe just a cigarette.
Several minutes later, she knocked on the door. A variety of disordered sounds began on the other side, ambling in her direction. Eventually, it opened, and Yui was there.
She looked like shit.
Junna couldn't tell the last time Yui had brushed her hair, or even washed it. The long, pink locks, usually done up in some sort of cute style, hung loose. A bad case of bedhead was crowned by a swarm of rats nests in her hair. Her eyes were baggy, and Junna could tell she hadn't been sleeping well. Communication over text could make tone difficult to understand, but Junna saw the times that Yui had been texting her.
But she couldn't smell any alcohol on her. Hikari and Yuu had been looking after Yui the last few days, helping her, and it seemed like they had succeeded in keeping her sober.
Junna knew her own eyes were red and sore. That would be difficult to hide. But if Yui was going to ignore that, then she would ignore Yui's disfashionate struggles as well. The other woman was certainly going through harder times than her.
“Think you can hang onto the bike, or should we walk?”
Yui stared at Junna, and there was a little exhaustion in that gaze, but mostly defeat. Yet, she nodded. “I'm fine with the bike.” She pushed past Junna, brushing her hair aggressively with one hand, trying to untie the knots which had developed in her days of sobriety.
They both ordered coffee.
The cafe was bigger than Junna would have liked, considering what directions their conversations might go, but this was the place they always went for breakfast, and Junna liked that tradition.
They didn't say anything for a little while. The first words said were to the waitress, who must have been thinking all kinds of things about them. It was the same waitress they saw every week, but usually they were much more lively— what would she think of them now? A couple having a fight? Friends on rocky terms?
Junna didn't know how to describe what the mood actually was. Awkward, sure, and tense. Certainly uncomfortable. But she didn't know how to say more than that.
She didn't like it, but she didn't know what to say to break the ice. And yet she didn't want them to still be silent when the waitress returned, so she went ahead and said something, anything.
“I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to visit you in the hospital.”
Yui must have been zoning out before that, before she jumped at Junna’s voice, and took a few moments to recover. When she finally did, she shook her head. “Junna, it's fine. You were busy with work. I have other friends who didn't get a chance to visit me. My own dad was busy. These things happen. You don't need to think of me that much.”
Junna wanted to fight that. She could say, well, if the positions were reversed, Yui would be doing the same. No, she would be doing more. She would be apologizing with her entire soul. She would never let herself let it down. But Junna didn't want to address Yui’s character flaws this time, so she let it slide. It didn't matter that much.
They had exchanged a couple sentences, and that was it. She didn't know how to draw it out more than that. A hive of conversations buzzed around the room between every other table except theirs.
What was she supposed to say? Hi, how are you, what have you been up to, how was drinking yourself to death?
“Well, what have you been up to?”
Yui was staring off to the side, theoretically in the direction of a small family out to lunch, but when Junna spoke, she jumped a little and turned to Junna. She tried faking a smile.
“Well… They were going well. I was considering getting a job.” Technically, the government would pay for any and all of their needs, but it was the same personality that beget being a magical girl which gave each of the six the mindset that they would be better off self-sufficient. “I had even been thinking about attending college again. Maybe I could finish it properly this time. Of course, I would have to pick a major…” She laughed awkwardly. “If you have any suggestions, I would love to hear them.”
Junna tried to think, but Yui had never been an exceptional student, and neither had she. Junna had considered studying unnecessary, since she knew she would spend her life as a cop. If only she knew she would flame out from that career in little less than six months. Spending a little more time at Hikari’s study groups could have been good for her.
Yui wasn't like that, but she also wasn't ever a good student. Simple as that. Everyone around her could tell that academics weren't her strong suit, even before she started falling apart..
“Maybe you could try to become a social worker. Study social sciences and get a job in the government. You'd certainly have pretty strong recommendations.”
“Mm. Maybe. That's an option.” Yui seemed less than impressed with the idea.
But it was a difficult issue. Yui had always cared about protecting people. Junna couldn't just tell her to become a vigilante, but how many ways were there for her to go back to school to help people?
School probably wouldn't help Yui. The stress of studying and tests would only put more pressure on her. But Junna sympathized with her desire to do something, anything. Boredom was a killer.
She almost suggested that Yui try to become a teacher before realizing her mistake.
“Well, if I was going back to college, it wouldn't be next year.” Yui cut through Junna’s silence. “I'm not sure what the deadline is, but whatever it is, I missed it. So if I want to do that, I have another year to figure it out.” Without missing a beat, Yui moved onto the next subject. “Did you hear Arisa is getting married?”
Junna blinked, surprised. “Did she tell you, or…”
Yui scowled slightly, then tried to hide the expression. “Yuu did. Apparently he got invited.” She took a sip of her soda.
“Ah…” Junna pursed her lips. She couldn't exactly complain about not being invited when she really didn't have a relationship with her. Middle school friends don't always remember each other.
But it seemed Yui felt differently. Of course she would. Arisa was still her problem. And just because Arisa was happy didn't mean Yui would let that be that.
Thankfully, the waitress returned soon after with their lunches. They were silent as they ate and silent as they left. Each girl paid for her own meal. The staff must have assumed the date went horribly. Yui was, at least, able to hold onto the bike on the way back, and so Junna was able to bring her back home. Once there, she stood outside awkwardly as Yui climbed the steps, unsure of what to do next. In the end, she just chose to go home.