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My body, it feels cold, but the dampness against my shirt feels so warm. It’s hard to breathe. For every ounce of air I take, it’s like I’m choking on my own blood. My limps unmoving with every struggle I muster, nothing will change. My sight up at the sky, my ears hearing the wallows of beasts, the cries as they die and disintegrate. That does not last long, for the ringing engulfed my hearing into a silent whisper, for everything around me was dimmed.
How I got to this point was my own mistake. My own lack of judgment, my arrogance at my skill, all for naught. As a team, Xavier and I are an unstoppable force, but even he knows there are things that we are incapable of fighting without a risk. That risk being death. And death seemed closer every second I count the stars above me. I could hear the scolding from Rafayel, how I’m just a girl with a bad memory. A girl that was his bodyguard, to protect him, not a woman lying on the ground, hopeless and disoriented. Zayne, with his expressionless silence as he listened to me go on and on about how I was okay. Then telling me straight up that my choices could hurt me in the end. And he was right. For Sylus, the burning behind his eyes, the things he would do was beyond my comprehension.
With every single one seeing one another as strangers, dangerous strangers, they were in a truce because I was around. I was one holding them together, the men in my life, the feeling of deja vu when I stood near them, giving me warmth that held close to my body like a blanket. But at this moment, it seemed that they could not protect me from myself. Even if in highsight we won, I knew they would rather sacrifice themselves than watch me wilter. But I can’t burden myself with either one dying. They were all too precious. Maybe I was selfish in my own way, but I know many others in my place would have done the same.
It was a Wanderer, a powerful one in fact that could kill hundreds, maybe even thousands in Linkon. I managed to get them all together, for if their answer was no, I was going anyway. And they knew that, that’s why they followed when their concern was met with no real reply. But even with every ounce of power we shared together, it took all my life to give, to kill the beast that threatened everything I held dear. I feel the need to cough, a tickle at the back of my throat, and the spat of blood caressed my face. I knew I was dying. I knew it even if I wished it was not true. I did not want to leave them, but at least I can die knowing I protected them.
“[Name]!” The shout of their voices mixed together made me wish I could laugh. The barely recognizable sound of their boots clicking along the ground as each face was now in my vision of where I lay.
Xavier, oh his sweet aloof expression finally twitched with worry. The way his lips quiver, his eyebrows fighting while his mind spiraled at the sight of my beaten body. His soft skin that I wish to hold in my palms, to ease his mind that everything will be alright. His eyes moved rapidly, taking in all the damage, and his eyes dimmed in defeat. As if he was reliving something of similar intensity. He collapsed in on himself, his white hair covering his face, his arms tensed and hidden against his chest. I could hear the small sound of his sobs.
Rafayel was angry. I could not tell if at myself, himself, or the world. All I knew is that his rage was brewing for years, and was at its boiling point. He would not look at me. He bit his bottom lip, the corners of his mouth were indecisive. It was as if he was forcing himself to be mad, when in reality, he wanted to cry, to shout at me with a witty response. But he knew better. He kept his gaze away, fighting an internal battle in which there was no winner.
Zayne, the man himself, worked with efficiency, doing what he knew best. He was aiding wounds that he knew he did not have the equipment to fix. His face was unreadable, but I knew better. He was panicking on the inside. As if he was scolding me for not listening to him when he shouted at me to run away. But at the same time, he knew you did it to save him, to save the others.
Sylus was silent. His eyes stared at me in a trance. I could tell what he was thinking. That he would do anything to give me his resilience, his ability to avoid death. “What were you thinking, sweetie?” He broke it. The others carefully turned their attention to him. “I could have done it. I could have survived in killing that Wanderer, and yet you decide to do it yourself? When will you stop playing the hero!”
I weakly lift my arm to hold his hand in mine, “I protect… those who can’t protect… themselves.” I gasp. “Just because… I’m stronger… does not mean I will let them… all die for being weaker.”
“Shut up!” Rafayel cried out. “Sacrificing yourself!” His hand shook. “I can’t lose you. Not again.” He rests his head on my chest, not caring about the blood that’ll stain his clothing. “There were other ways!”
Zayne finished making the makeshift bandage out of his clothes, now torn coat, around my stomach. “Don’t fall asleep, [Name].” He spoke out from his silence.
Xavier lifted up his head, his face stained with his tears. “Help will come.” He clenched his jaw. “Don’t you dare die on me, [Name].” He muttered under his breath. The last thing I saw was bright lights, the panicking voices of them, and the warmth of what feels like death hugging me gently.
I wake up in a hospital bed, seeing a nurse tend to the equipment, and welcomes me with a few warnings. I had to be careful about moving around, and that my number one priority was to relax and get rest to recover. I was grateful to live, but sad to not have been woken up with the men next to me. When the nurse finally leaves me to my troubles, I see the gifts around the bed. I knew they were busy, but knowing that they left something behind for me to wake up to, it made my heart calm down.
From Sylus, he gave me jewelry, a necklace which matched my beauty and his style. Something similar to the brooch, but it was appreciated, knowing he went out his way to get it customly made.
From Rafayel, it was a beautiful painting that embraced your beauty, a note behind it sharing his worries and how much it pained him to see you so close to death. He must have stayed up for hours to complete this, or even days, for I had no idea how long I had been asleep.
From Xavier, it was a note and a small plush trinket. I could picture the tears that stained the paper, how hurt his heart was at the sight of myself. I had to buy him his favorite food to cheer his sensitive, sorrowful soul.
From Zayne, it was one of his crafts, something I am quite familiar with and fond of. It seemed more detailed, as if once he had made it with his Evol, or went back to it and carved what else that came to mind. The chill usually bothered me, but for some reason, his coldness brought warmth to my soul.
For the hours past once I opened my gifts, and the first to visit me was Xavier, standing at the door with his Hunter uniform on. He must have come straight away from work to see me.
“[Name],” He spoke, as if seeing me awake was only a dream. He sat near my bed. “Please, never sacrifice yourself again…” He carefully wrapped his arms around my waist, hiding his face into the crook of my neck. “I don’t know what I'd do if I lost you. The thought of you dying in front of me. It frightens me.”
I knew that if I died, it would hurt them, but at least they would live. Though, living in the moment of how they feel when I’m still here aches my heart. Who knows how they’d react if I truly died. I jump at the sound of his watch deeping in alert. He does not move. “I’m sorry Xavier. I did not wish you guys to get hurt.”
“I’m your…” He held his tongue. “We are partners. We must not let only one take the pain alone.” He lifted his head. “So next time, let’s make a plan like we always do.” He stood up. “I must go.” He cupped my face. “Rest… for me.” He reluctantly excited the room.
The next to visit was Zayne, finding a way out of his busy work to see how I was doing. He cupped my face, his thumb caressing my cheek. “You never change. Always thinking of others instead of yourself, finding ways to get hurt.” He sighed. “I know you did it to protect us. But it was stupid.” He bluntly told me. “There were other ways and you let your selflessness, or even your selfishness of protecting us get in the way.” I feel his forehead against my own. “You asked us to aid in your quest to protect Linkon, so next time, do not let that be in vain and take it all for yourself, yes?” He pulled his hand away. “Life would not be the same if you were to die, [Name].”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “But if I had to make a choice, I would do it again if it means protecting you.”
“I know.” Zayne sighed. “And that worries me.” He gently guides me to rest against the pillow. “I will check on you later to make sure you’re asleep and resting. Until then, please, follow the rules.” He stood up. “I hope you liked my gift.” He exited out of the room.
Rafayel came later, a frown on his face at the sight of me. He flicked my forehead. “Are you insane?” He shook his head. “To do such a thing!” His jaw clenched. “If you had died I would have brought you back to life to kill you instead.”
“Oh?” I chuckle. “Doesn’t that defeat the purpose of bringing me back to laugh?”
He huffed, “Shut it. This isn’t the time to laugh, [Name].”
“I’m sorry.” I apologize. “I worried everyone.”
“You’re right, you did!” Rafayel frowned. “You can’t just play the hero when we’re a team.” He held her hand. “Especially since you’re supposed to be my bodyguard. If you’re gone, I won’t be able to pick anyone to take your place.”
“I see.” I smile. “I liked your gift.”
Rafayel smiles, “I know you would. It’s you after all.” He pats my head, standing up, seeing that the visiting hours were ending. “I expect you to recover, bodyguard.” And he left.
In the middle of the night, I hear tapping at the window and see the mechanical raven. “Don’t bother moving, sweetie. You can hear this just fine from where you are.” Sylus spoke. “I’m speaking from Mephisto as you could probably tell. I know how you are when I’m lurking around Linkon, acting paranoid and nervous, so instead of seeing you face to face, I came to use a recording.” He cleared his throat. “Never play hero again, as much as I know how you are, and the difficulties of following your duty, I rather you not die from something that could have been avoided. We’ve lived through too much for me to watch you die from a Wanderer, sweetie. Rest now. I need you in good condition to come down to the N-109 zone. Until then.” I hear the sound of the bird’s wings flap into the distance.
Looking up at the mirror in the corner that was faced down, it reflected the window, and I can see Sylus’s body moving away. I smile. He respects me, but is too worried to not break my rule a little. I relax against the pillow, welcoming the rest my body truly needs.