Chapter Text
Natalie didn’t know when it had started, but now that it had, she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Any time she heard someone, most of the time the assholes she got high with, talk shit about Laura Lee, she couldn’t stop herself from defending the other girl. It might have been something to do with how bright she shined, how kind she was to everyone, even people who didn’t deserve it. People like Nat.
She would lightly hit her friend’s when they’d say anything about her teammate and tell them to fuck off, not tolerating any shit from them. Sure it pissed them off in the moment, but none of them really took anything seriously at all. If they had, they wouldn’t be spending their senior year of high school all getting drunk and high during the school day. If any of them asked her why, she’d just avoid the question.
Truth was, she had heard Laura Lee defending her from one of her church friends months back, and was somewhat touched. It was rare for people not to join in on talking badly about Nat, and even rarer still for someone to defend her. No one wanted to stick their neck out for a burnout slut like her.
While Nat wasn’t quite religious herself, her mother was Catholic, and she used to drag her daughter and husband to mass on Sundays when he wasn’t absolutely wasted. Sundays that he was coherent for progressively started getting rarer and rarer (not that they were common in the first place), and soon Nat’s mother had stopped taking them at all. Five years passed of her father getting wasted year-round before he blew half his face off, and Nat found herself in church for the last time at his funeral.
Point was, Nat more or less knew how religious folk were (her alcoholic mother being the prime example in her head), and she knew that only a small percent of them, at least in Wiskayok, actually practiced what was in the Bible. Bunch of hypocrites they all were. Laura Lee was the only Christian at their school that Nat could name off of the top of her head who actually seemed to follow the morals taught in the Bible. Maybe it could be attributed to Nat not really paying attention to anyone in their school, but she doubted she would change her mind about that even if she were like Jackie Taylor and knew everyone by name. So, Laura Lee defending her was a welcome change. She had been without somebody in her corner for so long that she forgot how it felt.
Still, if you’d told her it’d start affecting her this much to hear someone talk bad about Laura Lee, she’d have called bullshit.
“What the fuck Nat! You can’t just punch someone because you feel like it,” Kevyn yelled at her, while pulling Natalie away from the crumpled body of the person that was sprouting shit about Laura Lee and running towards the school.
It wasn’t even that bad compared to what some people have said about Nat. Laura Lee wasn’t like Nat though. Laura Lee was good; she was kind. Unlike Natalie, Laura Lee doesn’t deserve the shit she gets. So what if she’s religious, she’s nicer than everyone else in fucked up Wiskayok, New Jersey.
Natalie shrugged at Kevyn as they were running away, “He was talking shit about my teammate, I can do whatever the fuck I want.”
He shot a bewildered look at Nat, “People talk shit all the time Nat! Not to mention, people say worse things about you all the time, and never once have you said anything to anyone, much less punched them.”
“That’s cause I don’t care what they say about me, you know this,” she nudged Kevyn, smirking. “Besides, at least the shit they say about me is partially true. Laura Lee would never give a guy head in the church, it’s too sacred of a place. Also, I’m pretty sure that girl is gay as Jesus was.”
“No way, you can’t be fucking serious.”
“About Laura Lee or about Jesus? Have you heard about what went down between Jesus and Judas? No way that shit wasn’t gay. And Laura Lee plays girls soccer, what did you expect?” Nat answered, looking at Kevyn as if he was stupid, which he deserved.
When the two were sure that they had shaken the dude Nat had punched, they split ways to their classes. Call Natalie a burnout all you want, she had to maintain a C+ average to stay on the soccer team, which meant she actually had to show up to class (at least most of the time). She wasn’t stupid either, she was in some honors classes that she needed to attend if she wanted to keep up. There was no way in hell Nat would survive not being able to do the one thing that made her happy and gave her a chance to get out of New Jersey.
-
Later that day, after practice, Laura Lee came up to Natalie and asked if they could talk. Nat briefly wondered if Laura Lee was talking to her because of what had happened earlier in the day. She wondered how the other girl would react to Nat resorting to violence on her behalf. Would she be flattered or would she be mad? The bible, as far as Nat knew, would say violence is wrong. But then, she thought, why had God punished humans so violently all those times? Seemed contradictory, not that she’d ever voice this opinion to Laura Lee.
Laura Lee looked a bit nervous, though Nat could tell she was pretty determined to speak with her. Nat thought it was kinda cute that Laura Lee couldn’t quite meet her eyes, even if she was slightly disappointed at not being able to look into them. God they were gorgeous, like pools of water sparkling in the sunlight.
“Yeah what’s up?” Natalie asked, feigning confusion in case it wasn’t about the fact that she had punched someone for her like she thought it was. Would be slightly embarrassing if she had assumed only to be wrong and ended up revealing herself.
Laura Lee looked around, almost afraid that other people would overhear.
(And for this, Nat couldn’t blame her. Of course she wouldn’t want to be seen talking to her- Nat was a burnout, a bad influence, a slut. What would people say?)
After a brief pause, Laura Lee leaned forward to grab Natalie’s arm, pulling her towards a storage closet. Nat tripped over herself with the force of Laura Lee’s tug and felt her face getting red in embarrassment. The closet was small and overwhelmingly crowded with the both of them crammed into it. It was nearly pitch black, with the only light coming from the crack underneath the door. Nat could barely make out the details of Laura Lee’s face even though they were mere inches apart.
Nat could feel herself slipping, could feel her breath begin to shorten- after all, you don’t go through years of abuse without having to hide in dark, cramped places over 50% of the time you’re home- but she looked up to catch Laura Lee’s hands twisting together and snapped herself out of it. She couldn’t think about her father now, not at school and away from the privacy of her room. She wouldn’t let anyone know how weak she was. Recovering quickly, she managed to laugh out a: “Woah, if you wanted to get me alone you could’ve just said so, Laura Lee.”
Laura Lee blushed furiously, a blush that Nat felt rather than saw, the heat radiating off of her cheeks, looking anywhere but at Nat. “No, no, it’s not like that. I mean it’s kind of like that- but not actually!” She threw her hands up frustratedly, nearly hitting Nat in the process, but being too worked up to notice Nat flinch, “This is not how I wanted this to go! I planned it all out and everything.”
“Laura Lee. Laura Lee, it’s fine, it was a joke,” Nat said, catching Laura Lee’s hands in her own, a move that only served to make the girl blush even more (which Nat didn’t fail to notice, the temperature in the closet had been steadily rising since she was pulled in). “Relax, take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”
Now, Nat wasn’t used to comforting people, and therefore wasn’t good at it (and how could she be, when she hadn’t had a day of comfort in her life). Even just offering words of encouragement for someone was a stretch, but Laura Lee just made her feel some type of way. Upsetting Laura Lee felt like kicking a puppy. In an effort to make Laura Lee (and herself, if she were to be honest) more comfortable, Nat searched around for some kind of light so that they could actually see. She saw a string connected to a ceiling light that she assumed would turn it on, and stood on her tippy toes to tug on it.
When the light came on, both girls breathed a sigh of relief, though Nat’s was more subdued in an effort for Laura Lee not to notice (she did). She smiled at Nat in thanks, grateful at how considerate the other girl seemed to be.
Laura Lee took a deep breath before continuing, “This is gonna be kind of long, but I need you to hear me out, okay?”
Nat just nodded, not wanting to stop Laura Lee, sensing it was something important to the other girl. She’d had enough times of her parents interrupting her as she’d tried to explain something (trying to tell her father she wasn’t a slut, trying to tell her mom that her father wasn’t a good person) to know how bad it felt.
“I know that you like me. Not like that , but I know you like me enough to defend me from people when they talk behind my back. Thank you for that by the way, I do mean it. I appreciate you, Nat.”
It was Natalie’s turn to blush, not used to the kind words. The last time she remembered being complimented, genuinely complimented and not the offhand comment from some guy who thought he could get into her pants, was from Van in the 7th grade when they said they liked her shoes. (God she was fucking pathetic- the fact that she even remembered that?). Flustered, she responded, “No need to thank me, I know you do the same. I’ve never really had someone do that for me, so thank you .”
“Well yeah, it’s just the right thing to do. At any rate, this may be weird, but I’m hoping you like me enough to do me a favor.” She paused, wrung her hands together and started tapping her fingers against each other. “There’s this guy who goes to my church and we used to be friends because we were the only two people our age who went every Sunday.
“Long story short, he seemed to think that meant we should start dating. I told him no, but he just won’t take that for an answer. If you’re asking me, I don’t really think he listens all that much during mass.”
“What the fuck? What an asshole, do you want me to fuck him up or something? I’ll beat his ass if he tries anything with you. God, I hate people like that,” Nat ranted, angry at the fact that someone would act like that, especially towards someone as sweet as Laura Lee. She could feel herself getting riled up just thinking about it, she knew her fair share about boys not knowing the meaning of the word “no” and it would never not piss her off to hear about other people having similar experiences. Was it so fucking hard to just treat other people like human beings?
“Nat! Don’t use the Lord’s name in vain.” Laura Lee wasn’t exactly smiling but her eyes were filled with mirth, knowing Nat didn’t believe in her God, or any god.
Natalie rolled her eyes, but acquiesced silently.
“Anyways, no that’s not what I want you to do. Would you pretty please pretend to date me? It would get him off of my back and would probably disgust him enough to the point where even after we ‘break up’ he wouldn’t bother me anymore.”
Nat couldn’t help it anymore, her jaw fully dropped. It was something straight out of a romcom (not that she’d ever admit to watching them) and Laura Lee was one of the last people she expected to come up with something so deceiving. She sputtered, “What? I- wha- why? Won’t your parents be mad or something? Don’t Christians like hate gay people?”
Laura Lee seemed upset at this, deflating a little. “I know that some people use the bible as an excuse for their hate, but that’s not what God wants. He wants us to love everybody. Also, the verse most commonly used when referring to queerness being a sin, Leviticus 18:22, has long been proved to be a mistranslation.”
She rambled on, frustrated at the way people weaponized religion and how that affected how people saw Christians. She took a deep breath before continuing, “Though, some people have a hard time accepting that. My church isn’t the most progressive, but I assure you my family won’t have any issues with it. The worst you’d get is a shovel talk from my Papa.”
Natalie, satisfied with the assurance of Laura Lee not getting in trouble with her family for all this, continued with, “Why me then? I get that you wanted a girl for this, but I’m sure there are better options for this. Like Lottie, you two are attached at the hip, why don’t you ask her?”
The blonde seemed prepared for this question, answering with a resolute, “Well, yes, I could have asked Lottie. But I don’t trust her not to do anything rash to the guy from my church. With you, I know you can keep your cool enough not to make too big of a scene.”
Now this, Nat wasn’t too sure of, considering she had already punched a guy for Laura Lee, and this was before they started ‘dating’. Though, deep in the back of her mind, she knew that anything she did would be far outshadowed by what Lottie was capable of doing. With one phone call to daddy dearest, she could ruin this guy's whole life and force his family out of the town. At any rate, she wasn’t about to tell Laura Lee about what had happened any time soon, nor ever if she could help it, and so she just grunted in agreement.
Elated, Laura Lee spoke again, “Does this mean you’ll do it?”
“Yeah, yeah, I got you. Just so long as this doesn’t take up all my time. You better make this up to me, 02.”
Said girl threw her arms up, and was going for a hug when she stopped herself. Almost shyly, she asked, “Do you mind if I hug you? I know you don’t like physical touch, but we should probably start getting used to it. Also, could you hug me as tight as possible? It’s just a little thing of mine, you understand.”
Nat hesitated, before nodding and raising her arms slightly. She was grateful to Laura Lee for asking in the first place. Laura Lee’s arms came around her waist, shocking Natalie for a moment before returning the hug, wrapping around Laura Lee’s neck, squeezing her tightly. They stood there for a moment, just reveling in it. For Nat, she couldn’t remember the last time she had been held so gently, even if Laura Lee’s arms were wrapped around her like a vice. Laura Lee’s touch didn’t hurt, didn’t reach lower, didn’t make her uncomfortable.
Laura Lee was the one to pull back a few seconds later, smiling brightly at Nat before turning to leave. “I’ll text you, okay? We can talk more about the details later.”
Still dumbfounded, Nat made a sound of agreement, before leaning back onto the wall and sliding to the ground as soon as the door was closed behind Laura Lee. She couldn’t deny that the hug had made her feel something she usually only felt fleetingly. Nat was no stranger to these feelings around girls (have you seen Lottie’s legs? Nat’s gotten distracted during games a concerning amount of times because of them), she knew she was bisexual and she never tried to hide it. But she had never felt it so strongly before, around men or women. She had felt sexual attraction many times in her life, but genuine romantic attraction was something she was new to feeling.
Nat was bad at dating and even worse at feelings, despite what the rumors say about her. She’d only ever dated their coach's son, Travis Martinez, and even that had only lasted for a few weeks, not to mention the fact that it sucked . He was just as terrible at feelings as Nat is, if not worse. Not to mention, he was also a complete asshole. Not that she could really say anything. Nat supposed it had something to do with having a terrible dad.
She felt her phone ping in her pocket, and pulled it out to check who it was, silently hoping it wasn’t Laura Lee already- she needed more time to process everything that had just happened. (What the fuck just happened?)
kev
hey u gud? practice has been done for 15 mins n ur not out yet
Just Kevyn, thank god. If it had been Laura Lee already, she would have thrown her phone at the wall and screamed. She needed a return to her routine to stabilize her, and Kevyn had been there from the beginning. As much as she loved to shit on him, the guy was a reliable friend.
nat
yea im omw srry
With that, Nat pocketed her phone before standing up and shaking herself out of it. As pretty as Laura Lee was, Nat wouldn’t, couldn’t let herself get too distracted. She just had to get through senior year and then she could get the fuck out of this town. She was not about to let anything or anyone mess that up for her.
On the ride home, Kevyn had asked her why she was late. She didn’t tell him. Don’t get her wrong, she loved the dude and he knew Nat isn’t exactly straight, he’s seen her make out with too many girls at parties to believe that, but she needed time to herself.
The ride home was short and spent in relative silence, ending with Kevyn dropping her off at the usual spot (one that they had decided on so that her father wouldn’t call her a slut for getting a ride home with a boy, not that it mattered anymore), and her waving him goodbye before starting the walk to her trailer.
She scoffed at her mother’s sleeping form on the couch, passed out from drinking again. God, she wished her mother would fucking pull herself together. She’d been moping for two years now, her dad was an abusive asshole to the both of them, Nat didn’t understand why her mother was still fucked up about it. Wishing was pointless though, hell would sooner freeze over than Nat’s mother deciding to get sober and actually take care of her kid for once.
In the safety (was it really safe? Is that her father lurking in the corner, face half blown off, or was it just her twisted imagination?) of her room, Nat set down her bag and crawled into her bed before collapsing. It hadn’t always been a safe space, with her dad just barging in whenever he wanted when he was alive, but in the two years since he’d been gone, her room had become her sanctuary. It was the only part of her shitty trailer that felt like home. She was just starting to relax, eyes drooping, when her phone pinged.
Groaning, she rolled over to grab her phone to see who had texted this time. Her stomach dropped (or did it flutter? She couldn’t quite tell the difference) as she saw the text.
Laura Lee
Hey! Is this a good time to talk?
nat
yeah its fine but y do u type like tgat
that*
Laura Lee
Like what? Anyways, I was hoping we could talk about what the whole fake dating thing would entail.
nat
like all formal n shit
what would i have to do and how far would we take it ?
Laura Lee
Oh, well. I guess I’m just used to it. I was thinking we could “announce” our relationship to the girls tomorrow?
As for how far we take things, I was thinking actions along the lines of holding hands and cheek kisses if you’re comfortable with it.
At this, Nat screamed into her pillow. Whenever Laura Lee would fiddle with her cross, and she did so regularly, Natalie would always catch herself staring at the other girl’s hands. They were pretty, alright? Dainty and soft, hands that looked as if they hadn’t seen a day of hard work in their life. Obviously this was false, as Laura Lee was one of the best defenders on the team, but her hands still appeared to be soft and uncalloused, as if they were sculpted by her God.
Nat didn’t know if she’d be able to handle feeling those hands against her own. She’d probably manage to fuck them up, just like she does everything (logically she knew that it just wasn’t possible, but it didn’t stop the thoughts). To be touching Laura Lee long enough to hold hands would probably make her implode. Not only that, but Nat couldn’t stand the thought of touching Laura Lee long enough to taint her. After all, everything she’d ever let go of has claw marks on it.
nat
im alr w that
just give me a warning if u can so that im not surprised
More like give her a warning so that she didn’t completely panic, something that would immediately expose their little ruse. She could just imagine herself looking so tense when they touched that everyone immediately found out about their dating being faked.
nat
anything else ??
Laura Lee
I was also thinking we could start walking each other to classes? :)
The guy from church that I mentioned goes to our school, so I’m hoping he’ll take a hint.
nat
sure but wouldnt that make u late to ur classes
how abt i just walk you to urs, i dont want u to be late
Laura Lee
Aww! You’re sweet. Are you sure though?
Wouldn’t that also mean you’re late to your classes?
Nat threw her phone across her bed. Stupid pretty, nice girls and Nat’s inability to function around them.
nat
i mean ig but i dont rlly care
(Her teachers already expected her to be late anyways.)
Laura Lee
If you’re sure…thank you Nat!
Nat was sure her future self would kill her for this, but right now she just couldn’t help herself.
nat
ur name is too long for me to say regularly all the time
(It really wasn’t.)
nat
how do u feel abt pet names
or would you rather not bc thats okay too
Laura Lee
Oh! I didn’t bring it up because I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about them.
I’m fine with anything, do you have any preferences?
nat
im cool w anything as long as its not corny, sunshine
After sending this, Nat threw her phone again, nervous as to what Laura Lee’s response would be.
(Unbeknownst to Nat, Laura Lee had done the same upon seeing the message. Across town in her own bedroom, Laura Lee blushed red enough to rival a tomato.)
sunshine
jvhbfdhvbdfk
nat
uhh
you good sunshine ??
sunshine
Yup! I’m very much alright.
I’ve got to go eat dinner with my family now though, so goodnight Nat!!
(Nat felt bad all of a sudden, hoping the sudden departure wasn’t because of the pet name she had chosen. Still, it didn’t stop her from saying what she said next.)
nat
night babe
(When Laura Lee read the text, she tripped on air and almost tumbled down the stairs.)