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Bring Me Warmth When My Heart Stops Beating
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Ryoto always felt terribly cold...
Not in the way that he'd tremble and scavenge for the slightest bit of heat no, because why would he? He's Ryoto Draconia, son of the Malleus Draconia...The eldest. Half dragon fae, half human... He's supposed to be strong, confident, and cold.
Ever since he was young, all he was, was a test subject, a lizard to be experimented on. Placed in a cold room, skin messed with as if he actually had scales, tiny... Unaware of what was happening to him. All he knew was what they told him. He was "special"... But so were his siblings...and sevens knows he wouldn't want Misen to be pricked and basically poisoned for the title of "special" even if she appeared human. No he wouldn't want that.
Sure he began to feed into these lies. Maybe it was because at some point he found comfort in the needles and the sensation of something new altering his bloodstream...afterall it helped cure his numbness he began to feel after a few visits or so.
He felt selfish at times but in others he felt like he deserved it, because he was the one taking all the wounds and poisons, he was the one taking the burden...he was...no he is selfish. How could he even think such a thing...
Even after being "saved" he yearned for more. That attention he garnered by being interesting, a specimen. The unique perspective of him that his parents couldn't give him despite being the best ones in the world.
He remembered being cradled by Yuu after having to explain exactly what happened. They felt warm...but it felt artificial, like the lamp and medical lights he'd be examined with. A hug didn't feel like what it was supposed to anymore... mother's warmth wasn't something he could recall feeling any longer.
Malleus and Yuu would try to keep a better eye on their son, but Ryoto turned away, maybe his other cells got altered too. Because what was defined as real warmth became artificial. Any sense of loving feeling would be replaced with a need for praise, the sun's bright rays felt like the cold gush of air in that room. He'd feel more content in his room, where the light didn't shine, studying under a heat lamp, where it truly felt like safety, his enclosure.
He lost interest in things he wanted, it didn't bore him, life just seemed so much more fun if he lived it doing things for the sake of others. He had to be in the forefront, it'd be great, he happy, others safe. Maybe it was an absent minded ideal, but it served both parties right?
His hands where made for durability, for the purpose of helping others...just instead of holding someone else's to guide them along...he'd just be pricked here and there.
His hands were made for it right? Large and sturdy, cold to the touch, meant to feel no pain. Not like someone would hold his hands anymore after all the blisters they could feel, it'd be like petting an actual dragon with ease. It's not for the faintest of heart, it didn't bother him, after all no one's hands could be as rough as his.
He wouldn't dare taint something soft, it would defeat his purpose, let the world run him ragged, as long as it doesn't to those who are more worthy than he.
It's all a dream, a deep slumber that he doesn't particularly care to wake from.
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"Draconia! Are you even listening?"
Ryoto was woken from his thoughts, he looked around confused... Ah right housewarden meeting... Strange no one was around-
"Are you trying to get on my nerves..."
He heard a small grumble and looked beneath eye level and was met with Yamane's fluffy ears. The underclassmen had a pouty expression tail lashing.
"..."
Yamane huffed then turned away gathering some papers together.
"What were the Housewardens supposed to do when they got back to their dorms hm?"
Ryoto blinked....silence.
Yamane reordered her stack of papers patiently waiting for an answer, her ear flicking.
"..."
Yamane sighs, "It was a trick question Draconia." She shook her head and looked up at him. "Are you alright? You're blanking out more than usual." She spoke softly.
Ryoto looks at her concerned expression and replies calmly, "No, I'm fine." He looks at his own stack of papers, "Those, the Housewardens are supposed to fill them out correct?"
Yamane brushes off his strange behavior and nods, "Oh so you did listen. Yes, I was just going to dump them on our unreliable Housewarden now."
Ryoto nods, ignoring Yamane's remark of the Savannaclaw Housewarden. He moves to grab the papers but his hands seem to deny him any movement, they fell numb. "Tch." A paper slipped, he drew his hand back and flinched a little.
Yamane was quick to react, placing her stack down and grabbed Ryoto's hand. "Are you alright!?"
Ryoto froze, her hand...it felt warm.
Yamane didn't wait for an answer and traced her fingers over his palm.
Strange, Ryoto thought to himself...Her hands were so warm, you'd think they'd be soft, but her fingertips were...rough.
"You should be more careful!" She said in a strict tone, brushing her thumb against his. "Paper cuts can be so tedious you know?"
Ryoto shook his head. "No, it's fine, a little cut does no harm, it'll heal quickly."
Yamane turned rummaging through her pockets as her tail brushed his leg, almost in a scolding manner. "Don't say that! Any injury should be taken seriously, especially on an annoying area."
Ryoto chuckled, "Is it? I don't mind such trivial manners, I think someone's being upright." He grabs her tail gently.
She quickly smacks her tail away, "AnD it can get infected possibly, no touch." She let out a soft warning growl. Ryoto hummed in defeat.
"Found it!" Yamane quickly turned around and took his hand once more.
Ryoto looked confused, "Found what exactly?" He looked down as she applied a small bandage to his cut.
"..."
Yamane huffs proudly, "I knew I had it somewhere." She smiles at him ears perked up, "But you saw how long it took me to find it right? So don't get hurt again, that would be the trivial matter." She smirks and gathers her things, taking her leave.
Ryoto stood there for a moment, looking down at the simple bandage. It was warm...was he bleeding still? No, because the warmth went throughout his hand, curing the stinging numbness that had made him slip up in the first place.
He walked out the room and headed to Diasomnia, actually taking in the scenery of the outdoors, the air was fresh, the sun shone down through the crevices of the school. He walked without much thought, just a strange sensation and all he had to do was listen to Yamane.
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It was just a theory, but Ryoto wanted to test it out, afterall he was the once to be tested on. Yamane was just the untouchable variable, he'd rely on her is all. No harm would come, in fact the opposite, she'd receive whatever she wanted and he'd feel a little warmth, enough to keep his heart beating, enough to keep him alive.
All he had to do was stick to her, it's not like she'd chase him off, they got along pretty well. He even considered Yamane as special as he. Maybe this time around, he'd have someone keep him company, a population of two could be nice, yeah... they'd keep each other company, her a warm blooded mammal, and him a cold lifeless reptile.
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And here he was a year later, softly tracing his thumb, wear it was soft, not bumpy or faintly scarred. Soft skin from where his paper cut was able to heal underneath a bandage. He was studying in his dorm room, utilizing the ability to write with a mobile hand that didn't literally freeze.
Ever since he and Yamane became friends, he found a new source of life, and all it took was Yamane being her lively self. They became close, each others best friend, probably more, it exceeded any normal relationship status, that which came above everything, before romantic partners, and before friends.
He knew everything about Yamane...and in return...she knew him.
It was so... casual. When he spoke she listened, and all she did was nod and agree, she didn't try to fight his perspective like many others did. Never once telling him that it's wrong or that he'll "get better", just agreement.
He could go hours speaking in detail of how he felt and how wrong the sensation was, and all she did was rest her head on his shoulder playing with his hands tracing over each barely visible scar on his hands with her own rough finger tips. Each touch feeling like a feather, she felt warm.
He'd want to give the same respect she'd given him when she spoke, but something always propelled him to speak up. He didn't want to believe someone so bright and warm as the sun itself could be mistreated and abandoned.
He smiles to himself as he looks at his hands. She told him that, "These hands aren't subject matter." As she gripped them gently, bringing them to her cheek, "They're for communication Kay'?"
Yamane made all his feelings of being some reptile waisting away in an artificial dream disappear in a matter of interaction. When he sought warmth, it wasn't from a lamp, but a person. When he sought for oxygen, he actually took the time to step outside.
The world didn't stop or slow down, his heart did. He was so close to death countless of times. Whether it be physically or metaphorically, he was always at its door step.
Life had become an empty space in which he roamed aimlessly slowly withering away.
Yet, he still made it...all thanks too-
"Ryoto!" His door slams open then closed once more as his emerald eyes are met with bright hazel ones.
"Yamane? What's the matter-" he was quickly cut off as Yamane makes a run for his bed quickly hiding under the covers.
"..." He stares utterly confused, a chuckle threatened to escape his lips. "What happened?" He walks over to his bed.
Yamane grumbles and let's her Beastman features pop out. "Agh! Stupid Harui was snooping around again!" She said her ears flat snarling. "When I get my hands on him I swear!" She grabs his pillow and begins to burrow in it.
Ryoto sighs and takes it from her, "Not Harui Yamane, this is my pillow...which you seem to have ruined..."
Yeah he needs to replace it...
Yamane pouts and looks away, "I didn't know you were on Harui's side Ryoto!"
Ryoto crosses his arms, "I never said that, please don't jump to conclusions."
Yamane huffs, "I'm staying right here."
Ryoto looked confused, "Is Harui in Diasomnia right now?"
Yamane shakes her head, "No! But he has your sister doing his work for him!" She turns to look up at him, "You know she wouldn't deny an upperclassmen's request! I'm backed against a ravine here!" She retorts.
Ryoto thought to himself, she is right, as long as the request wasn't totally wrong Misen wouldn't deny anything from a trusted upperclassmen.
He stood there quitely in thought.
"Ryotoooo" Yamane whined, "Don't go off into Dreamland right nowww. Stay with me pleaseee. I'm in distress." She grabbed his hand, "It isn't necessary remember? I'm here and I don't need you doing anything reckless for it."
Ryoto felt the warmth again and smiled.
"Of course not Yamane, I was just pondering your earlier assumption." He gently grips her hand back, "I suppose you can lie low for now, but I expect you to behave yourself."
Yamane scoffs, "As if tough guy! You know you were getting lonely without me around!" She opens her arms wide, "You're feeling cold aren't ya? Come on, a couple of minutes is all you lizards need to start moving again." She smiles sweetly giggling. "And I want cuddles!"
Ryoto smiles at her softly, giving in, he was almost done anyway.
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Because what she said was true...all he ever needed now was five minutes... To interact with the most important ray of warmth in his life, all to get his heart beating...