Work Text:
✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧 𓂅
"𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬."
miyeon's words echo in minnie's mind as she zones out during yet another meeting.
great, just great.
if every breakup would leave her feeling like a corpse, minnie was never going to fall in love again.
she chuckles dryly at that; even if breakups felt exhilarating, she's still pretty sure she'll never fall in love again. it's unlikely, after all, that she will meet anybody who holds a candle to the goddess incarnate that is cho miyeon.
cho miyeon, who is still her lockscreen and homescreen. cho miyeon, who still flutters into her dreams every night like nothing between them has changed.
cho miyeon, who she's just been tasked to act with in their next music video.
minnie stares at the script, eyes burning holes into the thick stack of paper because anything is better than looking up and meeting the eyes she can feel piercing through her hardened soul.
something something...jealous of miyeon...something something wishes to be her.
minnie laughs. spot on, she wants to say to the creative director, who is rambling on about something she honestly has no idea about.
instead, she keeps her head down and stares at the words. paragraph after paragraph details close scenes starring only her and miyeon out of all the members in the group, sentencing minnie to hell on earth.
see, she and miyeon haven't been left alone in close proximity since That Incident; whenever they were instructed by cube to perform some level of fanservice, one of the other members was always behind the camera, practically holding a gun to minnie's head to get her within fifteen feet of miyeon.
you can't fly too close to the sun after all. minnie herself did once...and look at what's left of her.
a mere mortal with torched wings and splintered skin, who, even after everything that's happened to her, still worships her sun. just like everyone else, hers is a life that revolves around the sun.
"earth to minne...hello?!" yuqi effectively deafens her temporarily, minnie wincing as she feels her eardrums rattling when yuqi practically screeches in her ear.
"your voice is too annoying, of course she isn't listening," shuhua counters swiftly, earning her an indignant grunt and sharp kick in the shin from a very peeved yuqi.
"YEH SHUHUA!" yuqi yells in response, reaching over minnie to tackle the unfazed taiwanese girl as minnie can only muster a weak "ouch" that goes unheard.
"both of you, enough!" soyeon snaps at the two maknaes sharply, causing yuqi to shrink back into her seat timidly, looking at soyeon with puppy dog eyes while shuhua shoots daggers at yuqi, glaring her down.
"s-sorry, baby," yuqi mumbles meekly, a stark contrast to the boisterous nuisance she was just five seconds ago ── but love does silly things to people.
minnie would know.
"minnie...?"
oh, speak of the devil.
minnie looks up to find miyeon looking at her curiously, head tilted just slightly. under miyeon's watchful gaze, minnie feels so small. she shrinks further back into her chair, too embarrassed to meet miyeon's eyes.
"are you alright? you've been spacing for quite a bit..." miyeon pipes up shyly, twiddling her thumbs as she speaks. nervous habit, minnie makes a mental note, even talking to her makes miyeon nervous now...
"yeah, i'm fine," minnie replies dryly, "just...zoned out for a while."
"is everyone clear on the roles we're playing for the music video shoot? it starts tomorrow and i want to make the most of our time on set so that we don't have to spend too much renting out the venues," soyeon brings their attention back to the task at hand before minnie can continue grovelling.
"yes, boss."
"yes ma'am."
the members around her chorus while minnie just nods mutely, staring at the script in her hands.
tomorrow is going to be a bloody long day.
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the morning starts off with a spectacularly bad omen; yesterday's jaded minnie was too dejected and exhausted to bother setting an alarm so here is today's minnie; distressed and disoriented as she stumbles out of her apartment (only to have to stumble back in moments later because she forgot her phone) and haphazardly makes her way to set.
after nearly getting her throat sliced open by soyeon's piercing stare, minnie staggers towards the fitting room, gets her outfit for today's scene fitted before she clumsily makes her way inside the makeup area, walking into nearly everything in her way as she rubs her eyes and finally settles in her seat.
she fiddles with the hem of her jeans mindlessly as the makeup artist starts doing her foundation, keeping her eyes everywhere except on the girl sitting in the chair beside hers.
because, as minnie's terrific luck would have it, miyeon is the only other person getting her makeup done at the moment.
she's only human though...so she ends up stealing a glance or two (or twenty) at miyeon, who's currently glued to her phone. whether engrossed in something actually interesting or simply avoiding minnie's watchful gaze, minnie isn't sure. and she doesn't really want to know.
it doesn't matter anyway, when minnie can't take her eyes off miyeon's flawless face or perfect body. miyeon looks really good in that pink fur jacket (minnie's always told her that pink is definitely her colour), her cropped top showing off her waist and the tight-fitting skirt leaving little to minnie's imagination.
pull yourself together, minnie mentally chides herself as she swallows thickly, staring instead at her lap.
"are you nervous?"
minnie's voice comes out shaky and unsure as she stares at her hands while addressing the older girl. she can't bear to look into miyeon's eyes and be met with coldness instead of love and affection.
"hm?"
it's infuriating...how miyeon can respond so dismissively, so casually to a question that minnie took the past ten minutes to muster up the question to pose. to be fair, minnie has always envied miyeon's professionalism (amongst other things).
"i asked you if you're nervous for today's filming," minnie repeats patiently, eyes still glued to her hands rather than miyeon.
"i'm alright, i think," miyeon replies calmly, her voice still like music to minnie's ears. minnie watches the older girl's movements out of the corner of her eye, how miyeon looks so perfect as she tucks a strand of loose hair out of her face. "i mean, it's just acting anyway, we do lots of it all the time," miyeon adds with a flip of her hair as she checks her complexion in the mirror.
"right...just acting," minnie concurs softly as she sighs inwardly. just acting. just acting. of course minnie's the only one going insane at the idea of them being starring side by side for a bulk of the music video. because minnie's the only one who's still hung up, minnie's the only one bothered.
"you'll do great, minnieah," miyeon calls sweetly, "you're a good actress."
minnie's brows furrow momentarily at that, unsure of what that's supposed to mean. perhaps it was a genuine, innocent compliment, but the corners of minnie's mouth turn down in a frown all the same. she doesn't like the insinuation, the unspoken jab that miyeon disguises perfectly but minnie hears ringing in her ears all the same.
minnie's eyes darken as she looks over at miyeon, who remains perfectly impassive, it's infuriating. cho miyeon and that damn sharp tongue of hers.
"as are you," minnie replies with a sideways glance at the korean girl.
miyeon doesn't respond, eyes glued to her phone screen once again and minnie stops to think for a moment, wondering, how they got to this point. she knows how they started...and of course, how they ended. but the why's and the how they even let themselves get to this point is muddled in minnie's foggy brain.
miyeon's eyes were once filled with so much adoration whenever they fell upon minnie.
now, miyeon can't even bring herself to look minnie's way.
now, minnie watches miyeon, who watches her phone.
minnie's eyes will always gravitate to miyeon, she thinks.
just as her heart will always be tied to miyeon.
✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧 𓂅
with a heavy heart weighed down by trepidation, minnie walks over to the filming venue for her first scene...where she'll be watching miyeon with a male actor. great, amazing, just terrific. who doesn't want to watch their ex girlfriend with another attractive person?
the male actor leans over miyeon, who's getting her final touches of makeup done before they begin filming. she can hear miyeon's airy, sweet giggles as the male actor attempts to converse with her in english, to which miyeon tries her best to entertain him. minnie is practically seething as she stands there awkwardly, unsure of what to do with herself.
she has half the mind to walk up to the guy, grab him by the collar and put him in his place...but that isn't her place either. so she stands idly by the sidelines, watching on enviously until she feels a firm hand on her shoulder.
"ya! what?!" minnie whips around to find shuhua standing behind her, watching the scene unfold between miyeon and the male actor, who seem to have chemistry even off-camera. again, isn't that just wonderful?
"don't watch them..." shuhua speaks up softly, a gentler edge to the younger's usual brash tone, "you're only going to make your own blood boil."
minnie falls silent at that, looking over at shuhua, who hugs minnie from behind in a silent show of support. things between them were awkward for a while following the whole fallout during the downfall of miyeon and minnie's relationship...but minnie prides herself as shuhua's favourite unnie and shuhua just couldn't stay away from minnie for long. so here shuhua is now, smiling sympathetically as she leans her forehead against minnie's back.
"you'll do great, unnie," shuhua supplies supportively as minnie adjusts her pants mindlessly, toying with the hem just to give herself something to do, "i just finished filming with yuqi...and even we managed to get it done."
minnie barks out a laugh at that; shuhua and yuqi have always been like cats and dogs, but the two are still birds of a feather at the end of the day. she loves the youngest two members like she would younger siblings, ruffling shuhua's hair as shuhua groans in annoyance, a spiel of Chinese curse words tumbling past her lips.
"i hope it goes alright," minnie replies with a sharp exhale, shaking her hands as if warming up to compete in the olympics. with the way her heart is threatening to burst out of her ribcage entirely, minnie thinks her anxiety levels can compete with that of olympians. "you know how i feel about being near...her...after what's transpired between us," minnie sighs nervously as she looks at shuhua, who offers the older girl a sympathetic smile, "just thinking about being near her...alone...even in a professional setting makes my heart pound."
"i'd stay to watch...but i have another scene to film," shuhua sighs softly as she smiles apologetically at minnie, "but don't worry. i'm sure you two will be fine."
before minnie can say anything, one of their staff walks over with a camera for i-talk filming and shuhua quickly ushers the staff away from a flustered minnie. as shuhua animatedly chatters away to the camera, she hears a loud yelp come from shuhua and a small smile tugs subconsciously at her lips. only one person can make shuhua whine like that.
"unnieeee!" shuhua groans in annoyance as miyeon tackles her into an embrace, smothering her with kisses, "stop it! stop it! enoughhh!"
"why? can't i show you how much i love you?~" miyeon hums as she clings to shuhua tightly. outwardly, minnie manages to muster a smile, but inwardly, she cringes. because it hurts. it hurts to see miyeon be clingy with someone else, even if it's shuhua.
because a long time ago, minnie used to be the primary recipient of miyeon's clinginess.
she transports herself back to the time when miyeon was still warming up to the other members and used to stick to minnie's side rather than interact with the other members, still feeling awkward and nervous around anyone else. while on camera, miyeon was able to muster up the courage to interact with the others, in private, miyeon preferred to dangle off minnie's arm instead. and minnie continued to welcome miyeon's clinginess, knowing that adjusting to a new environment can do a number on anyone.
they were filming for their first comeback, another song that minnie loved upon first listen. hann (alone). morbid, maybe, but minnie had always had an affinity for such songs. songs where the heartbreak is palpable and the longing poignant.
upon being told her solo scene was finished, minnie's first instinct was to disappear down the hallway to look for miyeon. and so she did, ambling off in search of the pretty korean girl.
"hey, did you see where miyeonnie went?" minnie called out to soojin, who was walking past with shuhua clinging onto her arm.
"i think she and yuqi went off to film for i-talk, down that hallway," soojin offered kindly while placating a mumbling shuhua, struggling to point in the direction she'd last seen miyeon in with shuhua practically hanging off her.
minnie smiled and thanked the younger girl, playfully nudging shuhua's shoulder before continuing her very important mission of hunting down cho miyeon.
she found miyeon in an elegant white dress similar to her own, giggling behind an angry yuqi, who threw punches at the snickering cameraman. as minnie ran over, hoping to catch miyeon by surprise by embracing the older girl, she watched as miyeon blew an adorable kiss to the camera. sneaking up behind the distracted korean, minnie walked over till her lips were inches away from miyeon's cheek, making a kissing sound as miyeon turned around excitedly, eyes lighting up when she saw minnie.
instantly, the korean girl responded to minnie's overt display of affection, returning minnie's kiss with her back turned to the camera. only minnie was treated to the adorable sight of miyeon's beet red cheeks as she blew a shy air kiss in minnie's direction. wanting to annoy the korean girl, minnie's face fell, a stoic expression befalling as miyeon pouted slightly, eyes clouding with mild hurt as minnie quickly leaned in to blow the camera (and her sulky girlfriend) another kiss. at the exact same time, miyeon leaned closer to minnie to blow the thai another air kiss, leaving the two of them all jittery with excitement.
just as miyeon loooked like she was going to lean in for another kiss that would actually touch minnie's cheek, yuqi cleared her throat quietly from behind minnie as minnie was rudely reminded of their reality ── ah yes, they were standing right in front of a camera ── causing minnie to panic as she hurriedly moved away, making an exaggeratedly surprised expression for the camera as miyeon pulled away shyly and turned back to the camera, smiling bashfully.
minnie could only laugh at miyeon's bashful expression, playfully squeezing the korean's hip out of the camera's frame.
minnie would never get sick of her.
and minnie never does.
because even now, after everything that's transpired between them, minnie still can't help the smile that makes its way across her face. because miyeon loves so shamelessly, so unabashedly...and minnie misses being the recipient of such pure, unfiltered affection.
"aish! go to minnie unnie!" shuhua whines loudly as she pushes miyeon away, causing the korean to stumble unceremoniously...right into minnie's arms.
instantly, miyeon's carefree expression contorts into an unidentifiable emotion that minnie can't quite understand. minnie's grip on miyeon tightens, stabilising the fallen girl (whilst also confirming to herself that this moment is not a mere dream, that miyeon, even if by chance, has fallen into her arms).
"i got you," minnie mumbles softly as she steadies miyeon, helping miyeon back to her feet as she smiles tenderly, "don't worry."
"thank you," miyeon murmurs back, those alluring doe eyes looking back at her as minnie purses her lips together in a forced smile, "shall we start filming?"
"y-yeah, of course," minnie stammers nervously as she reluctantly releases miyeon's waist, eyes watching as miyeon moves away forlornly, "after you."
✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧 𓂅
minnie typically enjoys filming music videos, she likes getting all dolled up and getting to bring the concept of their songs to life. but when filming constitutes watching some random white guy hit on miyeon, minnie would rather throw herself onto oncoming traffic.
they're waiting for everything to be set up, idling around on set while miyeon and the male actor get too close for minnie's comfort. miyeon is sipping on her gigantic iced americano (that minnie paid for but decided not to tell the korean) while the guy smiles and places his hand on the wall miyeon's leaning against, his hand just above her head as he tries chatting to her.
minnie watches from another corner in envy, chewing on the paper straw of her bubble tea as she frowns. miyeon has a box of peppero in her other hand, setting her iced americano down as she nibbles daintily on one of the chocolate coated biscuits.
peppero.
oh.
it's always been a thing: miyeon and her peppero obsession.
it's one of the many things minnie finds adorable about miyeon. miyeon seems to have a bottomless pocket, or something like that magical backpack from dora, because wherever she goes, she seems to have an endless supply of peppero. which is perfect, because miyeon loves snacking on the go.
they're preparing for the filming of their third music video, senorita, when minnie spots miyeon happily snacking away, chomping away on her peppero sticks. minnie took a moment to admire miyeon's adorable behaviour before walking over to tease her.
"is that peppero?" minnie asked innocently, eyeing the box in miyeon's hand as miyeon nodded eagerly, cheeks puffed up while chewing, "aish...you didn't offer me any. how cruel...i'm hungry too and i was waiting for you to offer me some." minnie sized up the pack, noticing how it's almost completely flat as she bit back a smirk. "and you finished it all! what about me? oh...i'm devastated..."
"i-i'm sorry," miyeon squeaked out shyly, pouting remorsefully as she fiddles with the packaging before offering minnie one, "there's one last one. would you like it?"
minnie smiled, about to reply when she hears a snap and noticed that miyeon has snapped the stick in half, now offering a halved stick to minnie hopefully.
"wow, and now you don't even offer me a full stick? i see where i stand in your cold, icy heart," minnie sighed dramatically as miyeon's pout deepened, her hand moving to reluctantly hand minnie the stick just as she was about to take a bite.
instead, minnie cupped miyeon's soft cheeks gently, causing miyeon's eyes to widen in surprise as minnie smirked.
'"bite one end...i'll bite the other," minnie whispered conspiratorially as miyeon stared at her, cheeks flushed a bright pink. obediently, miyeon nodded timidly before biting one end of the halved peppero, raising an eyebrow as if to challenge minnie. and minnie's never been one to back down from a challenge, so she bites on the peppero.
wasting no time, she practically inhaled the remaining bits of the stick, smashing her lips against miyeon's. miyeon let out a shocked, muffled squeal as minnie chuckles, kissing her softly but firmly.
"so sweet," minnie murmured as she pulled away, licking the corners of her lips.
"m-minnie!"
"eat well, my love," minnie smiled softly as she returned the other half of the peppero stick to miyeon, "i've eaten my fill already."
so much has changed since then.
everything has, it seems.
except minnie's feelings for miyeon.
so she watches on in envy as the guy leans over miyeon's shorter frame, playfully trying to steal one of miyeon's coveted pepperos. miyeon shrieks with laughter, moving the box away from him but his reflexes are too fast as he successfully nabs one of the sticks, gloating with an obnoxious smirk plastered on his face as miyeon playfully rolls her eyes but concedes all the same, dramatically applauding for him.
minnie frowns. she really hopes he doesn't succeed in stealing anything else.
✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧 𓂅
"in this scene, you'll be entering the party, where you'll see miyeon and her new boyfriend together. have a subtly jealous expression just for a fleeting second, but then quickly act civil and recover before embracing her." the director's instructions make minnie want to laugh morbidly, she doesn't need to be taught how to act jealous.
because that damn guy has his arm slung over miyeon's shoulder as miyeon gets touched up before the shoot. and minnie can only look on longingly, her cruel mind transporting her back to a time where she was the one with the privilege of putting her arm around miyeon.
"stop," miyeon giggles when he nudges her in the ribs, playfully causing her to teeter in her heels, "i'll fall." her english has been getting better, minnie observes, thinking back to the times where miyeon would turn to her, pleading with those adorable doe eyes whenever she wanted minnie to help her improve her english.
she remembers how miyeon confided in her that she wanted to learn english not only to communicate with their global fanbase, but also to interact with minnie's parents.
minnie also remembers kissing her senseless after she confessed that.
"you'll be fine," the guy's husky voice snaps minnie out of her trip down memory lane as she looks back at miyeon and the guy. the guy tightens his grip on miyeon's shoulder as he speaks, all smiles. "i've got you, darling," he laughs teasingly as miyeon smiles back at him but pushes him back all the same.
and god. that hurts.
because a long time ago, that was her standing in the guy's place, making miyeon laugh. teasing miyeon, nudging miyeon, being close to miyeon.
and she hates that she has to watch miyeon be this close to someone else.
miyeon's never been the kind to default to being serious. even when they're working for long hours, their moods dampened by cube's bullshit as usual, miyeon is always a little happy pill, bouncing around like an energiser bunny. miyeon's always been a glass half full type of person, minnie finds that cute.
she finds miyeon's energy and happiness contagious too, even when she's pulled an all nighter and has a twelve hour shoot to look forward to when she feels like she already has one foot in the coffin.
that day was one of those days. minnie felt particularly homesick and couldn't sleep too well, leading to her being rather lethargic during their shooting for school attack. slumped against the table, she can't bring her usual extroverted self to dance along energetically as "latata" blasts on set. she covers her mouth to hide her yawn as she groans inwardly, eyes darting around the room as she watches her fellow members dance and joke around.
more often than not, her eyes gravitate towards miyeon. miyeon, who is singing enthusiastically like she hadn't spent the entirety of the previous night hugging and consoling a crying minnie. miyeon, who is all smiles and giggles as she runs over to minnie's side and plops down less than gracefully in the seat beside her, causing minnie to crack a small smile.
"careful," minnie mumbles under her breath but she's pretty sure miyeon isn't listening, because miyeon's eyes are glued to the megaphone resting on the table. "what're you doin'?" minnie whispers curiously, still mumbling into her sleeve tiredly as she looks at miyeon, whose eyes twinkle with innocent mischief as she holds the megaphone up to her mouth.
in perfect time with the lyrics, "i love ya", miyeon holds the megaphone up and points it at minnie, all giggles behind the megaphone. and minnie's weary eyes soften just momentarily, her chapped lips parting in an indulgent smile as she looks at miyeon with nothing short of pure adoration. she musters the little energy she has to flash miyeon a lopsided smile and this small gesture is enough to make miyeon bounce on the spot as she sets the megaphone back down with a contented smile.
miyeon is practically buzzing with excitement, beaming from ear to ear like a proud puppy having been commended for performing a difficult trick. minnie just watches her, her eyes oozing love and affection for her girlfriend. she's well aware that they're still filming but she can't bring herself to bite back the smile elicits nor disguise the wave of genuine contentment that washes over her when miyeon looks at her like that.
miyeon always knows just what to do to brighten up her day.
minnie feels her chest tighten at the sight of miyeon's smile now. because she hasn't seen that smile in a long time. and it's been an even longer time since she was responsible for eliciting that beautiful grin.
and suddenly, the guy they've met for one day knows the key to making miyeon smile? when it took months for minnie to even crack open miyeon's heart, let alone knock down her walls completely. who is he, to sweep in like some knight in shining armour, and make miyeon smile like it's the easiest thing in the world?
what does he have that she doesn't?
minnie feels like she's being stabbed straight through the heart, a rusted blade piercing through her already bleeding heart and she actually has to stop to clutch at her chest because it physically pains her. she looks on, biting down on her lip harshly as the skin breaks and the taste of coppery, warm blood coats her dry tongue and all she can do is watch.
she swallows thickly but there's no moisture in her throat, save for the blood that rests on the tip of her tongue. she tries to swallow again and again, as if trying to digest the fact that one day, she'll have to see more than this.
because this is just acting...right?
but one day, miyeon will actually find someone to love. because miyeon is...miyeon. and anyone who enters her life and doesn't love her has to be heartless. because miyeon is so, so easy to love that even after everything that's transpired between them, minnie still loves her like she did when they first met. minnie loves her like they haven't spent the entirety of last year and even more acting like strangers in the same group, ghosting through each other's lives like ships passing in the night. minnie loves her like she didn't hold minnie's heart in her hands and pierce straight through it when she broke up with her.
"i...i...air," she croaks out hoarsely, stumbling away from the director and the makeup artist who's trying to do some last minute touchups on her face. her legs feel like jelly, she barely has control over them as she staggers off set, barely able to breathe.
perhaps she's being unprofessional, but she can't help it.
she's never been able to ignore her feelings.
✩°｡⋆⸜ 🎧 𓂅
"unnie...?"
minnie just sniffles in acknowledgement as a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders from behind as she crouches down pathetically, tears splattering her jeans as she rubs her eyes violently.
"oh, minnie unnie..." shuhua's voice trails off as she hugs minnie tightly, one arm never leaving minnie's back as she slowly sits down beside minnie, who stares off at the sky absentmindedly, too ashamed to look shuhua in the eyes. "d-do you...want to talk about it?" shuhua asks tentatively as she rubs the back of her hands together anxiously, legs swinging off the ledge.
"...t-there's nothing to talk about," minnie mumbles gruffly, hands gripping the painted ledge tightly like she's about to fall.
maybe she is. maybe she already has.
"she's worried about you," shuhua says hesitantly, the words slipping out so quickly that minnie has to replay them in her mind a few times before she can make out what shuhua said, "she...um...s-she told me where to find you."
minnie goes quiet at that as she stares down at the road, watching mutely as people bustle about and cars whiz past. life goes on, even when she doesn't feel like moving. tucked away here from the chaos of the filming on the rooftop of the main house on set, at least minnie feels a bit lighter. barely, but it's something.
shuhua adjusts her weight on the rooftop, clearly uncomfortable with their current position but she doesn't complain once, shifting on the tiles until she's level with minnie, who sits on the slanted tiles like she could care less if she falls.
"she always knows." minnie breaks the silence with a bitterly punctuated observation, shaking her head in disbelief. after all this time, miyeon still knows her like the back of her hand. it's endearingly infuriating, how many months apart hasn't made minnie any harder for miyeon to read...yet minnie feels like miyeon's lightyears away. "i don't know how...but she always knows. sometimes, i swear...it's like she knows me better than i know myself."
"...maybe," shuhua replies softly as she places a gentle hand over minnie's, "i think that could be true, you know?"
"hm?"
"i think that we show our ugliest sides to the ones who love...the sides we don't even dare to face in the mirror," shuhua elaborates slowly as she looks down at her lap, as if ashamed to continue talking. "i think that miyeon's seen more of you than you've ever shown yourself," shuhua continues quietly, sighing softly under her breath.
"...perhaps," minnie concedes flatly as she sighs, hands still shaking, even under shuhua's grounding grip. "i'm...such a loser, aren't i?" she laughs brokenly as she shakes her head in bitter disappointment, "...having a fucking breakdown over a girl who doesn't love me anymore."
"if she didn't love you, why would she send me to come after you?"
"if she loved me, why wouldn't she come after me herself?"
minnie can't hide the bitterness in her tone and she knows shuhua can hear every ounce of venom behind her words, because shuhua's hand tenses over hers for a fleeting second before she composes herself and looks at minnie, dark eyes boring into the depths of minnie's soul that minnie actually flinches under her gaze for a second.
"you have to let yourself feel," shuhua mumbles, her tone soft yet firm all at once, "if you keep pretending everything's all sunshine and rainbows...when things get too much...t-they spill out like this. and you're going to get hurt a-again and again. and...i-i don't like seeing you upset."
"i know," minnie admits quietly, "but it's not that simple. miyeon and i...agreed that our relationship has to remain civil...in the professional realm at least, for the sake of the group and for our careers. but it's not that easy to play happy family with the girl who broke my heart."
"just like...it isn't easy for you to watch her with someone else?" shuhua asks timidly as minnie's entire body goes rigid at that before she nods stiffly.
"yeah," minnie murmurs under her breath, embarrassed that she's being so transparent about her feelings. "i mean...i know...i-i know it's going to happen one day...b-but that doesn't make it any easier. i-i know this is just acting, i mean...g-god i hope this is just acting and she doesn't actually l-like that dude...but...a-acting or not, i-it hurts. it r-really...really hurts."
shuhua pulls minnie into an even tighter embrace, her hand squeezing minnie's when minnie's voice cracks with the pain she feels deep inside her. shuhua hugs her tightly, laying her head on minnie's shoulder as minnie rests her exhausted head against shuhua's, inhaling shakily as she stares out at the skyline.
"it's going to h-happen someday...because it's miyeon," minnie mumbles defeatedly, "and everyone loves miyeon. she's just so...easy to love. a-and she deserves...t-to find someone who can really...truly...make her happy. make her feel loved. even...even if that person isn't me. but g-god...s-shu...w-why can't it be me?"
"you'll find somebody too, minnie unnie," shuhua consoles gently, "miyeon isn't the only one who deserves to be loved."
"i'm still regretting it now," minnie admits sheepishly, "w-walking away from her without fighting harder. but when she just c-called it quits like that...i-i just...f-felt blindsided. i was just...at a loss. i couldn't say what i wanted to convey...i couldn't tell her that i didn't w-want her to go. t-that i can't live without her."
"you two haven't spoken properly since...that day, have you?" shuhua asks tentatively as minnie nods curtly. "perhaps...y-you two should talk."
"please," minnie scoffs dismissively as she shakes her head, "i can't even look her in the eye. i won't be able to force the words out."
"seeing her today...acting like that...struck a chord, hm?"
"understatement," minnie replies with a sarcastic bark of laughter, "it felt so...real."
seeing miyeon with someone else, even if it was just an act, hurt. how easily she can be replaced by miyeon, while she can't bear to imagine a life with someone else filling miyeon's shoes. the reality is that she probably won't ever find someone to fill the gap that miyeon left in her heart, because there's nobody out there like her.
and minnie doesn't want anyone who isn't miyeon.
"i-i can't...i-i can't just...f-forget everything that transpired between us," minnie sighs shakily, cracking her knuckles absentmindedly, "even if it's just an act...h-how does she do it? h-how can she...just...forget about me? w-when i can't forget about her?"
"i'm sure she hasn't forgotten about you," shuhua supplies hopefully, rubbing minnie's shoulder as minnie cracks a weak smile.
"i mean, okay, yeah...f-fine, maybe i-i'm tucked somewhere at the back of her mind, but...s-she's always at the forefront of mine. i-i try s-so hard...t-to forget her...t-to pretend nothing ever happened between us for her sake but i-i can't," minnie spits bitterly, "i don't know how she does it. e-every time i close my eyes...i...i just see her. and i-i can hear my footsteps echoing in my head...b-because i remember how it h-hurt to walk away from the love of my life. h-how it still hurts...b-but i h-had to. i had to, s-shu...s-she asked me to go. i could...i-i can't say no to her."
"love can make you...foolish," shuhua replies quietly, "people do anything for love. it's...romantic, yet...tragic, if you think about it."
"i'm a fool," minnie sighs softly, "to have even thought that she'd be affected as i am. i mean, she cut the cord, why would she give a fuck? she mentally checked out ages ago...and i was blindly locked in. i-i thought...i thought that i-i was gonna m-marry her...s-start a family with her...love her until the end."
hey, at least one of those things is still true.
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shuhua helps minnie calm down, grounding her as minnie slowly unwinds, breathing still a little erratic as shuhua helps her off the roof and brings her back down to the set.
you got this, it's just acting. miyeon can do it...so can you.
minnie gives herself an internal pep talk as she exhales nervously, fiddling with her fingers as she walks back to set. however, before she can get down on her knees and grovel in front of the director, the director walks over to her swiftly and begins rambling.
"change of plans. you and miyeon are exchanging roles," the director says quickly, "hurry up and get your makeup touched up."
"w-wait, what?!"
minnie is offered no further explanation as she's whisked away back to the makeup room, where she finds miyeon again, sitting elegantly in front of the vanity mirror.
"what's going on?" before minnie can think twice, the question tumbles past her lips as she stares expectantly at miyeon, awaiting an answer.
"samson told you, right?" miyeon replies calmly, looking up from her phone as her eyes trace minnie's form briefly, "we're switching roles."
"b-but...huh?! w-why? i don't understand...h-how? w-when? w-what? huh?!" minnie rambles on and on continuously as she stares at miyeon in disbelief. when was this change made? why was this change made? how?
and instead of an answer to her question, miyeon just shrugs innocently, watchful eyes scanning minnie's expression for her reaction. minnie forces her features to remain impassive as she stares back at miyeon, holding miyeon's gaze.
something tells her miyeon has something to do with this.
could be a hunch, could be delusion.
either way, she uses her eyes to tell miyeon what her mouth cannot bear to say
thank you.
i'm grateful to have you in my life.
i love you.
miyeon smiles briefly at her, eyes flickering with something so quickly that minnie can't pinpoint what she's trying to say. but she smiles back at miyeon regardless.
"they're filming soyeon's scene at the hospital set now...so we're not needed yet," miyeon breaks the peaceful silence by redirecting minnie to the more important task at hand; filming a music video. a music video minnie just unceremoniously delayed by running away like some kind of coward.
"i see," minnie replies quietly as she sits down on one of the chairs, leaving a gap between her and miyeon, "i'm...i-i'm sorry about running off like that. it wasn't professional of me. i'll...a-apologise to samson and the rest of the crew...a-and the other members later after the shoot. i just..."
minnie trails off. for some reason, she feels compelled to apologise to miyeon first.
"it's okay," miyeon answers sweetly, eyes never meeting minnie's as she gazes at her reflection in the mirror, "i just hope you're feeling alright now."
"yeah, um...i-i'm fine. just...uh...my head got a bit loud," minnie fumbles lamely as she sighs inwardly, knowing that miyeon's definitely going to think she's lying. not that she's being completely transparent...but it wasn't a lie either.
"it's okay," miyeon echoes again and minnie can't help but wonder if miyeon actually means what she's saying, or if she's just providing minnie with the politically correct answer that she'd prefer to hear.
"... thank you," minnie mumbles under her breath.
"for what?"
"just...thank you," minnie mutters sheepishly, unwilling to elaborate any further.
even after all this time, miyeon still cares. maybe she's just being civil and saying such niceties out of courtesy...but the throbbing ache in minnie's heart eases up if she chooses instead to follow the narrative that miyeon still cares. even if her words may be empty, minnie chooses not to dwell on that idea. her mind transports her, instead, to a beautiful time in the past: where she would've never had to doubt the sincerity of miyeon's words.
the miyeon in her memories is unabashedly kind, unafraid to love and unwaveringly thoughtful (to a fault, maybe). the miyeon sitting in front of the mirror staring at her own reflection...minnie's afraid to acknowledge this version of the love of her life.
she sighs as she slumps deeper into the seat, wishing she could just disappear forever.
she looks over at the seat that separates her and miyeon and sighs even deeper.
how apt.
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"what a long day," yuqi groans as she flops face first onto the sofa in the girls' trailer, "let's go homeee!"
"patience," soyeon sighs as she types on her phone, "manager is driving the car over already, you big baby."
"cruel...it's been a torturously long day," yuqi replies sulkily, grumbling into the sofa cushions.
to her credit, soyeon halfheartedly pats yuqi's back as she continues typing away. shuhua scrolls on her phone as well, her introverted self completely drained and unwilling to continue socialising.
miyeon, however, is nowhere to be found, which minnie notices instantly.
"i'm going outside," minnie mumbles to no one in particular before she makes her way outside, eyes peeled as she looks around for miyeon.
"hey," miyeon greets her when minnie stumbles across her sitting by the pool, toes dipping inside the cool water.
"hi," minnie replies quietly as she awkwardly shifts her weight from one foot to another, standing a few feet away from miyeon, "um..."
"do you want to sit?" miyeon offers graciously, patting the tiled flooring beside her.
"s-sure," minnie nods a little too eagerly as she sits down beside miyeon, hesitantly dipping her feet inside the water after kicking her slippers off. the water is cold but welcome nonetheless as she stares at the rippling water, afraid to say anything else.
"good job today," miyeon says sweetly and minnie doesn't even have to look at her to hear the smile in her voice, "today was a good shoot. just a couple more and we'll be done filming."
"yeah," minnie mumbles in response, "i'm glad we've done most of the main plot parts already and we're just left with a few scenes."
"true," miyeon agrees as she nods her head, "i like the plot of this music video."
"yeah?"
"yeah," miyeon giggles, "i find the whole jealousy thing to be something that's really prevalent in today's society. always wanting to be someone else...regardless of what aspect in life you're looking at, there's always someone else you want to be."
i can think of someone i want to be, minnie almost says, her cruel mind reminding her of miyeon and that damn guy again. she looks at miyeon, who's sitting closer to her than she has in many, many months. she wonders if this will be the closest she and miyeon will ever be...ever.
someday, there'll be someone else. someone to take minnie's place.
minnie swallows her jealousy, focusing on relishing in the serenity that comes with being near miyeon. even if she's just floating around miyeon, minnie's more than happy to do so. miyeon is the sun...and minnie just spins mindlessly in orbit.
"you're a really good actress," minnie mumbles before she can stop herself. out of the corner of her eye, she sees miyeon's expression harden and she isn't quite sure why. "i mean, y-your acting is really good. your jealousy in the last scene we shot was so believable," minnie's tongue runs a mile a minute as she keeps babbling to spare them the awkward silence that seems to settle between them often these days.
"thank you," miyeon replies politely as she gently moves her legs back and forth in the pool, causing little ripples to brush against minnie's legs. minnie stares down at the slow-moving water, quiet. "but i think you give me too much credit."
"i think you give yourself too little credit," minnie counters swiftly, mimicking miyeon's leg movements as she too starts swishing her legs in the water, "learn to take a compliment for once, miyeonah."
"i meant," miyeon says softly, fingertips brushing against minnie's for just a second, "that i wasn't acting at all. so there are no 'skills' to credit for that 'performance'."
"miyeon, i—"
"soyeon texted. the car's here," miyeon interrupts as she stands up, shaking her legs to rid them of as much water as she can manage, "let's go."
"c-coming."
minnie stumbles out of the pool, nearly slipping and falling inside herself as she scrambles to keep up with miyeon. hurriedly, she shakes her legs, trying to dry them as fast as she can. staggering to her feet, minnie looks up, hopeful that she'll meet miyeon's patient gaze.
but of course, miyeon is already gone.
so minnie is left alone.
huh, she always ends up alone.
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