Chapter Text
September 3, 2001
I looked out at my window from the bus to Stars Hollow, Connecticut, and then checked my watch. The time was 1:45 p.m., but I really didn't know what time it was because my clock hadn't adjusted to the time zone yet. It's about an hour until I reach Stars Hollow.
I laid my head on the bus window. I was daydreaming about my thoughts of Stars Hollow and what it would be.
I'm starting over a new life.
As the new boy.
In a new town.
With a new guardian.
With new people in it.
It is nothing like Los Angeles.
Just a small town.
What if it is hell?
What if it is heaven?
What if everyone hates me?
What if everyone loves me?
I'm starting to worry about everything.
And I haven't even visited Stars Hollow yet.
I am Jess Mariano, son and firstborn of famous billionaire couple actor/director Antonio Mariano and supermodel/actress Liz Danes. I'm taking a bus from the big world of Los Angeles to the small world of Stars Hollow because my parents couldn't really handle me that well.
And I think it's all my fault.
And their fault too.
But I wasn't always like this.
Growing up, my parents were afraid to have my identity revealed to the general public. As a result, they wanted my life to be private, so they chose to homeschool me.
I used to be a good student who got good grades with a good reputation. I did my best when it got to homework, and I always submitted it the day before the due date. I also usually got good grades on many tests. I also never smoked and didn't picture myself as a smoker.
Additionally, my parents really cared for me and my little sister Gabriella, or Gabs, as I called her. They took us to many luxurious events like movie premieres with many A-listers and fashion shows from around the world. Additionally, they spent time with us when they didn't have any events interfere with our bonding time on the weekends.
Sometimes, we would go to West Hollywood, where we would window-shop and eat many sweets. Another time, we would go to Santa Monica and spend the whole day at the boardwalk and the beach. At the end of those days, we would eat gumbo. This was one of my favorite parts of Santa Monica and still is. Additionally, we would go to Disneyland. And I'll admit it, I have fun at Disneyland because, in my opinion, there shouldn't be an age limit for fun.
But the breaks were the best part of our bonding time. During breaks, we would travel overseas and experience the culture and beauty of a city. No country is exactly alike, which is why I love traveling overseas. I got a Polaroid camera for my 10th birthday and whenever we went on those vacations, I would take pictures of anything I found on this vacation aesthetically pleasing. Like most vacations, leaving is the saddest part about vacations. When we arrived home, I would look at the pictures I took and romanticize about that city, wishing I lived there.
But that all changed during my sophomore year.
During that year, my parents started neglecting me and Gabs. They started to go to fancy events and vacations without us. As a result, they rarely had time to spend time with us.
She was never affected by the neglect. Yes, she missed our parents and hoped they would come back one day. But I was really affected by it.
I started being like a dad to her, raising and taking care of her. Sometimes, that made me really angry because I was doing all the work that my parents didn't bother to do.
That changed my mindset.
I became more rebellious. I stopped caring about my grades and started going on my own path. I started smoking. At first, I was uncomfortable, but with a little bit of help and lying about my age, I became addicted to smoking. Smoking was my only getaway and coping mechanism to accept this. Additionally, from time to time, I would neglect my sister, which I didn't mean to do. But sometimes, a man needs alone time to deal with his own shit.
Whenever I saw my parents, which was rarely, they noticed that my behavior changed. I would tell them that it was all their fault and that they made me like this. My parents tried everything to make me change my behavior, but nothing worked because I kept denying those changes.
I was best friends with Logan Huntzberger. Since meeting in kindergarten, we were immediately best friends. We were always by each other's side and supported one another. I always checked up on him almost every single day, and he did the same for me, too. We have been inseparable.
Until the bond was broken.
I started to hang out with Dave Rygalski. He was this James Dean, bad boy person that seemed cool. He's also a guitar player and a metalhead. He had this grunge aesthetic that seemed intriguing to me. In general, he seemed interesting to me and I wanted to get a look into his world. So I started to hang out with Dave and less of Logan. I enjoyed my experience with Dave more than I did with Logan.
Logan constantly confronted me on why I kept breaking his promises. I would apologize to him, but keep breaking my promises just to be with Logan. The hatred grew between me and Dave as soon as time went by. That spring, we got into a fight. It first started out as a verbal fight, then it turned into a physical fight. It got so violent that the police called. Luckily, none of us got arrested. Unluckily, Logan stopped being friends with me. And it was all my fault.
Whenever I saw my parents, they noticed that my behavior changed because I was more aggressive than I usually was. I was drifting away from my parents and into my own world.
Anyway, when I was throwing my birthday party, my parents came back from an event in the middle of the party. When they checked up, they were horrified to see that the house was a mess. As punishment, I was forced to live with my Uncle Luke in Stars Hollow for a year.
Anxiety was growing up my spine as soon as the bus was about to arrive at Stars Hollow. I had never seen Uncle Luke since I was 11. I forgot what he would be like.
What if he was mean?
What if he was nice?
What if he makes me sleep outside?
Optimistic and pessimistic thoughts were spiraling through my head, growing and growing as closer I got to Stars Hollow.
I was getting closer and closer to Stars Hollow until I saw a sign.
Welcome to Stars Hollow
Population: 9,973
Make that 9,974 soon.
Finally, I arrived at hell. Or at least that's what I thought because pessimistic thoughts won the whirlwind of battles. Our family never really moved around because I grew up in Los Angeles all my life. As a result, I never really adjusted to change. Yes, I had vacations, but the difference was it was temporary. To live on the other side of the country for what it would feel like an eternity would be fucking hell.
"Our destination: Stars Hollow," the bus driver announced to everyone on the bus.
Everyone got off the bus while I purposely took baby steps to slowly pass the time. When I finally landed in Stars Hollow, I searched around to see where my uncle was. Then I saw a tall man wearing a backward blue baseball cap with a plaid button-up long-sleeved shirt and blue jeans run towards me.
"Hi, Jess," Uncle Luke smiled at me.
"Hi," I quietly said because I didn't want to make a bad impression on him. 'What time is it?"
He looked down at his watch. "5:49 pm. Got everything you need?"
I quietly nodded and handed him my backpack. "There were also some boxes of my items that shipped to you. Did you get them?"
"Yes, I did," he confirmed. Then he took me by the hand and dragged me to a place named Luke's Diner, even though it was closed for Labor Day. I looked around and I have to admit, I really love it because of its retro vibes.
"This is my diner," Uncle Luke showed me around it. "You'll be working here next week. Got that?"
I nodded reluctantly. I really never had a job growing up because I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth. I was just given everything I begged my parents. I'm sure I was never told 'no' in my life.
I didn't want to leave a bad impression on everyone in this small town.
What if I fuck everything up?
Will I get fired?
Will Uncle Luke hate me?
Shit, that pessimistic tornado is growing up on me.
"Good because let's go to my apartment where you'll be staying," he took my hand and took me to his apartment, which was about a one-minute walk. We got to his room where I'll be staying for basically forever.
"This is your bed," he pointed to a mattress that was for me. It would probably give me back problems at the fresh age of 17. "You'll be sleeping there until your bed arrives."
I went to sit on it. It felt like I was sitting on rocks. I then lay down on the mattress. It felt like I was sleeping on rocks.
"Is that the best you could do?" I looked at him annoyed because there was no way in a million years I would be sleeping on this 'bed.' "It's basically like sleeping on rocks."
"Hey, be grateful you even have a mattress to sleep on," Uncle Luke reprimanded me. "What would you rather have, a bed that feels like rocks or sleep out in dirt?"
"How about dying?" I yelled at him while giving him the middle finger. He then slapped my finger.
"That's no way to talk to me, young man!" Uncle Luke yelled at me.
"Well, you're not my dad!" I yelled back without giving any thought, opening my cigarettes and getting ready to smoke them because I had enough of his bullshit.
"I have custody of you for a year, so as long you live under my house, you obey my rules!" he yelled back at me. Then he stayed silent for a minute.
"So... how do I organize your room?" he attempted to help out.
"I'm fucking 17," I snapped. "I can do it all by myself."
"You know, your parents were really right. You were too hard to handle," Uncle Luke shouted aggressively at me. I could see the smoke coming from his ears. Then he stayed silent for a minute.
"Why don't you go outside and make new friends?"
Make new friends?! What kind of drugs is he on? I will not be making new friends. The only friend I have is Gabs, and right now, I'm missing LA so I can spend time with her.
"NO!" I refused to make any new friends.
"Well you have to at some point in your life," he convinced me to make friends.
"I SAID NO!" I yelled. What part of no does he not fucking understand?!
"Just explore this town at least once, please?" he begged, trying to be nice to me as if the fight had never happened.
"Ok, fine," I finally gave up. "I'll only interact with ONE person just you can shut the fuck up." I began walking and left my cigarettes behind me. I slammed the door on him before he could give any more opinions about my behavior.
I walked around Stars Hollow. There were many parents and their kids walking around, chit-chatting with friends discussing how their day went, and many people doing leisure activities in general. I'll admit, I'm great they're having a great time and wish I could join in this fun.
There's just one problem: IT'S! NOT! FUCKING! CALIFORNIA!
I walked over to the nearest house I could find someone talking to and leaving right after that. That was my plan. I saw a big white house nearby and I went for it.
I knocked softly on it. There was no answer.
I knocked on it a second time, this time a bit harder. Still no answer. My patience was waning and I had enough of this impolite bullshit.
"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!" I screamed. After banging on the door for a while, a tall boy (taller than me), around my age with short brown hair, wearing light blue jeans and a long-sleeved red ringer T-shirt, opened the door.
Holy shit, I thought to myself. That boy is a fucking model. He could be on the cover of many famous fashion magazines if he wanted to. I apologize for everything I said to him.
"Sorry," I quickly apologized and chuckled, even though there was no way he was going to accept my apology for being rude to him.
"It's alright," that boy accepted my apology. Then he looked suspiciously at me. If it's because of what I did, he has every right to act like this towards me. "I've never seen you around before..."
"Yes," I confirmed, smiling genuinely. "I'm new here!"
"So... what's your name?" By the look on his face, he also looked excited to meet me.
"Jess! And you?"
"Dean," he smiled.
Dean. What a sexy name for a sexy someone like him. I repeated this thought to myself.
"When, where, and why did you move here?" he asked me, snapping me out of my daydreams.
Unlike with my uncle, I had no problem answering Dean's questions. "Today. We moved here for Los Angeles because... um..." I was thinking of a lie to help me save face.
"Because what? You can tell me everything."
"My dad got a new job here!" was the excuse I came up with.
"It was the same thing when I moved here a year ago from Chicago," Dean nodded.
"You ever miss it?"
"Yes, and you about LA, too?"
"Yes," I was drowned in the nostalgia about LA and everything about what the city had to offer.
"Well, it was nice meeting you," Dean said to me, having to end this banter we were having. "Goodbye."
"Goodbye," I said a little bit somberly and left his porch.
I felt my optimistic thoughts take over my brain, feeling a new type of joy that I discovered in my life, a boy was talking to me and we had affection for each other!
Since I was in 7th grade, I knew I was attracted to some girls, but there was also something about boys that made them out of this world, but I couldn't place my finger on where. As time went on, my gay and bisexual sides were at an ongoing war.
Was I gay or bisexual?
You're gay, one side said.
No, you're bi, the other side said.
I just don't fucking know! I wanted to scream externally, but instead, I just screamed it internally. Let's have this conversation later, shall we?
I then strolled around Stars Hollow, being interested in everything the town has to offer. Strolling around, I thought to myself about the small-town charm Stars Hollow offered to me. Maybe Stars Hollow wouldn't be so bad after all. I was just being a hater, judging books by their covers.
After I finished my self-guided tour, I looked at the time. It was 8:13 pm. Time is a really valuable thing, and I'm glad I spent that time wisely. I hope Luke isn't mad at me for being late. I quickly bolted back into the apartment, hoping to see Luke have an angry face. But he did not, as he was smiling at me.
"Well you look happy today," Uncle Luke noticed my appearance. "We have pizza for dinner. It's pepperoni."
When I heard pepperoni, I immediately went to the dining table. I opened the box and took out a slice. I then started eating my serendipity away. "Uncle Luke, I'm sorry for how I acted towards you. I'm just... adjusting to change."
"It's ok," he comforted me. "I'm also sorry for letting out my anger. And please, call me Luke, ok?"
"Ok," I agreed, taking another bite of my pizza. "And sorry, I was late. I just wanted to explore Stars Hollow."
"I don't mind," Luke smiled. "Stars Hollow is a beautiful town, after all."
"Thank you for the pizza," I finished my first slice and grabbed a second one.
"You're welcome," he replied back and took another slice of pizza.
The time was almost 10 pm. I organized my room and planned where everything was going. I showered and changed into pajama pants with a white tank top. I sat down on the mattress, getting out my notebook to write about the day. I still stand by my point that the mattress is hard, but at least it's better than nothing.
My notebook was a messy diary. Like a regular diary, it had all my feelings and thoughts about my days. But also, I have song lyrics written, drawings about things I wanted to draw, unhinged thoughts, and dreams I've been having all over the free space. Also, I named my notebook Apollo because 'diary' sounded too boring, and I wanted to spice things up, so I chose Apollo. Apollo was the Greek god of many things such as the prophecy and arts. Additionally, Anne Frank named her diary Kitty, so that inspired me to name my notebook Apollo, too.
I quickly scribbled down Dean and sketched everything I knew about him from memory. I wish he was in person to satisfy my desires.
As I was in the middle of one of my sketches, Luke entered my room. "Hey, I know that the first day of school may be nervous, but promise you won't get in trouble?"
"Yes, I promise," I promised him. We held out our pinkies and pinky promised. Then I remembered something, I didn't have my school supplies.
"Shit, I forgot my school supplies!" I exclaimed in realization.
"Don't worry, I've got them," he confirmed.
"Thank you, Luke," I smiled.
"You're welcome," he then checked the clock. "It's about to be 10 pm. You should get some shuteye."
"Yeah, I know."
"Goodnight, Jess," he then left my room.
"Goodnight, Luke," I replied. I finished the sketch of Dean and I was glad that this masterpiece, on paper and in real life, existed.
When I finished my drawing, I went to the next page and started writing about my day.
September 3, 2001
Dear Apollo,
Today got off to a rocky start. I thought that Stars Hollow would be this massive hell disguised as this innocent small town. Turns out, I was wrong and I was just being a hater. Stars Hollow had a lot to offer.
Including Dean...
Dean is fucking perfect.
If you looked up the word 'perfect' in the dictionary, his picture would show up.
His pine-green eyes would put me into a trance.
H is nose really fits him well.
And his smile...
They're basically indescribable...
And his body...
Don't get me started on his body...
But I can write about Dean another time.
Tomorrow, I have to start school. And it's public school. It's probably the same as being homeschooled but with more students in a class. Plus, they have lockers.
I have always wanted to experience what public high school was like it was shown in the movies and TV shows I watched.
But looks can be deceiving...
After all, I've been living in Stars Hollow for a day...
Good thing I have you to keep track of my updates.
Love,
Jess Mariano
I got out my phone and started dialing the California house number. Gabs and I made a pact to tell each other daily how life has been since I moved to Stars Hollow.
"Hello?" Gabs picked up the phone.
"Hi, lil sis," I told her. "How you doing today?"
"I'm feeling fine," she sighed. "But I really miss you."
"I know, I know, but at least we have the phone calls to talk to each other, right?" I shrugged.
"No, I want you here back in California right now!" she was shouting with anger over the phone. Then silence grew upon us. "How's Stars Hollow?" she said quietly.
"To be honest, it's kinda good," I replied. "I mean, I got off into a fight with Uncle Luke, but we made up in the end."
"I still miss you even though you aren't here."
"I miss you too, Gabs."
"Promise you will try to call me every day?"
"Promise," I put my hand on my heart. "Goodbye, Gabs."
"Goodbye, Jess," she replied, and then the call ended.
I quickly dialed Dave's number to tell him about Stars Hollow.
"'Sup," he casually replied. "How's life today?"
"It's actually fine!" I nonchalantly said.
"Really? I thought you'd hate it."
"I did at first, but it's growing on me."
"But what about all the goodbye messages you told me when you found out about the news?"
"I'm still your friend," I replied. "Anyways, I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye."
"Bye." Then, I ended the call. I quickly opened my computer and went to forums.com. Forums was a website where news was reported and you could discuss topics, tell your audience what happened to you, share your creations, etc. Not to brag, but I'm quite popular on Forums, with exactly 10,500 followers. I go under the name of @jmdiary on Forums. I post updates about my artwork like songs and poems I wrote, and sketches and paintings I made. I also post my social events and unhinged thoughts. It was like an online diary to me, but I only posted stuff I was comfortable with. I quickly typed my thoughts about today.
@jmdiary: i arrived at stars hollow. started off shitty, but ended up good. uncle luke was nice to me. maybe stars hollow isn't actually bad as i thought...
-j.m.
I thought about apologizing to Logan, so I went to e-mail him my apologies.
Subject: I'm sorry
Logan, I'm sorry for how I treated you like shit. It's all my fault, and I want to take accountability for it. I hope you see this, and we can be friends again.
Sincerely,
Jess
I turned off my computer, went to the lights, and turned them off. I then lay in my bed, thinking about my year in Stars Hollow. I hope to make the best out of Stars Hollow and everything it had to offer.
Especially Dean...