Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Everybody wants to rule the world!”

As Maxime le Mal and Felonious Gru ended their duet with a flourish, applause erupted throughout the prison. Maxime laughed quietly, slowly walking down the gap in the audience accompanied by Gru. His eyes scanned the large room, a smile growing on his face.

“I’ve, er, never had anyone applaud for me like zis,” Maxime mentioned, turning to Gru, “Although, I would’ve had ze chance if you hadn’t stolen my song at zat talent show!” He playfully jabbed his finger into Gru’s ribcage.

Gru brought his hand to his chest to defend himself from Maxime’s attack, instead pushing the inmate away from him. “Yeah, well, it wasn’t my fault you didn’t have the guts to go on after me!”

They kept playfully bickering for a minute or two, before they calmed down after walking out of the large stage room. It got real quiet after that.

Maxime paused. “You know, before your performance in 9th grade, I really wanted to be your friend,” he said, adjusting his glasses.

“What?” Gru replied, quickly glancing at Maxime.

“Yeah,” Maxime clarified, “I thought you were pretty cool, you know, I, er, admired you. Ze stuff you invented, although it failed to work most of the time, had great concepts. Like a movie, maybe ze fourth in ze series, which has awesome main characters but too many subplots and not enough screen time for the main plot. A movie with no real “dramatic fight scene” at ze end , you know?”

“Uh, yeah,” Gru chuckled uncertainly, completely unknowing of what Maxime meant.

There was silence for a few beats, with only the sound of the pair’s footsteps audible.

Maxime opened his mouth to speak, before closing it again. He ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced at Gru and bit his tongue. 

Gru glanced at Maxime, noticing his nervous demeanour and stayed silent. He never was really good with emotions or emotional conversations. He thought back to when Ramsbottom informed him about how he often made conversations awkward, and he proceeded to explain how he doesn’t, and finished by angrily exclaiming “I’m delicious!”

He grimaced and pulled the neck of his t-shirt.

-

One of the AVL security guards escorted Maxime to his cell, slamming the metal-bar door shut with a clang as he entered. Maxime jumped and turned to face the guard at the noise. He grunted, annoyed, before turning around to plop his belongings on the lower story of the bunk bed.

“Hey, bunkie!” startled, Maxime looked up at the sound of a male voice coming from the top bunk.

A man with a black mullet and short handlebar moustache was leaning over the safety railing, grinning at the brunette. “You must be Maxime le Mal.”

“Er, yeah,” Maxime confirmed as he continued to set his clothes onto his bed, “You are Balthazar Bratt, no?”

“The one and only!” Balthazar replied, grandly gesturing to himself. He leaned back in his bed with a sigh, “So, what are you in for? Who ratted you?”

“Gru,” Maxime sighed while Balthazar mouthed ‘Gru’ at the same time, “I stole his infant child because he stole my song at our 9th grade talent show.” He paused, before shoving the clothes he neatly placed on his bed to the side. He lay down on the bed, his arms folded to support his head. “What about you?”

“Gru as well,” Balthazar scoffed, “I thought I’d won when he got fired from the AVL-”

“He was fired?” Maxime interrupted, glancing up.

Balthazar waved his hand dismissively, “He was re-hired. Pish-posh. Anyway, I thought I’d won when he was fired, but apparently he was working with his villainous brother, Dru. And- they managed to stop me.” Balthazar’s volume dropped as he kept talking. 

The dutchman picked up his rubik’s cube and began to loudly play with it, making random turns in an attempt to solve it. Occasionally, he would have to tug hard on the side to turn it as it would get stuck.

“Hey, is zat is a rubik’s cube?” Maxime asked, sitting up.

“Oh, yeah,” Balthazar replied, twisting the cube fruitlessly, “Can you solve it?”

“I can try,” Maxime offered, reaching up to Balthazar’s bunk. Balthazar handed Maxime the cube, and Maxime quickly withdrew his hand down to himself to observe the cube further. He spoke to Balthazar as he turned the cube.

“Way back, when I was still in elementary school, I was obsessed with rubik’s cubes. I had so many of zem, and I held competitions for me and ze cockroaches to see who could solve one the fastest. It was always me, of course, but zey were still fun.”

Maxime hoisted himself up to hand Balthazar back the solved cube. “Here you go! Your cube, solved!” Maxime triumphantly announced, grinning.

“Hey, that was pretty quick!” Balthazar remarked, taking the cube and spinning it around in his hands. He glanced back at Maxime.

“Hey, you never said you had antennae,” Balthazar gestured to the small wires that lifted out of Maxime’s head.

Maxime’s smile faltered. “Oh, er, yeah,” he stuttered, quickly lifting one hand to pat down the antennae and tuck them under his hair. “Zey were the only part of my cockroach form I’ve never  liked, and the only part zat never seemed to go away, no matter how much anti-serum zey gave me. Zey only really appear when I’m excited or- or stressed,”

“Well, I like them,” Balthazar gestured to himself, closing his eyes and placing his hand on his chest, fingers outstretched.

Maxime smiled softly, swinging himself back onto his bunk.

Just then, a loud and repetitive clanging noise could be heard, slowly getting louder.

“Inmates! Yard time!” A security guard yelled over the banging.

As the guard passed Maxime and Balthazar’s cell, they discovered the clanging came from the guard’s baton running against the cell’s bars.

Balthazar frowned as he crawled down the creaky ladder, hopping onto the floor from the second-last step. He paused briefly to regain his balance, before walking out of the unlocked door. Maxime paused, before following him into the large open space.

Other inmates were exercising or talking with others at dark green picnic tables scattered all over the area. Maxime noticed a vacant picnic table in the far left corner of the space, but shrugged it off.

“Welcome to the yard,” Balthazar turned around to face Maxime, took a few steps backwards, and outstretched his arms in a welcoming pose with a smile.

“This is, er.. nice..” Maxime chuckled nervously as he brought his hands to his chest, curiously looking around the area. “It’s very.. empty.”

“Well, yes, it’s a prison,” Balthazar stated, dropping his arms and adopted an unimpressed look. He turned around, noticed something, and quickly walked over to Maxime with a smile on his face.

“Look, there!” He swung his right arm over Maxime’s shoulder, and pointed with his left arm towards two people on the other side of the yard. The man was using a weight, while the woman was aggressively motioning to said weights.

“That’s Jan and Dan. Everyone knows they’re about to break up, they’re-” he panned his hand across- “ always fighting,” Balthazar chuckled.

Maxime glanced at Balthazar and laughed awkwardly. He glanced back at the couple.

Suddenly, Jan picked up a weight and rammed it into Dan’s chest. “You never do stuff with me! You’re always on the treadmill or using these stupid weights! Don’t you love me anymore!?” She screamed.

Pretty much everyone turned to face the pair, even Valentina looked up from her mirror in shock.

Dan hesitated, shocked by Jan’s tone. “Uhh.. Y-yes, I still love you!” he yelled back, “I’m doing this for your sake!”

Maxime turned to face the two guards that were supposed to stop these fights. The one who had noticed the fight elbowed the other in the side, and she pointed to the pair, smiling. The other, who was on his phone, adjusted his sunglasses and, startled, dropped his phone.

“What do you even mean by that?!” Jan sobbed, “I never spend time with you because you’re always working out ! You never ate the food I made you either, I..” she heaved, turning away from her partner.

“Baby, I’m becoming handsome! You know, like how I was before!” Dan replied with a desperate smile, gesturing to himself.

“I don’t care how you look, Dan! Please, stop it! You need to stop, It’s bad for you!”

“You know,” Maxime whispered to Balthazar, “Zis is très sad. I feel bad for zem.”

Balthazar nodded in acknowledgement. He was clearly very invested in the pair’s love life.

Jan sobbed and covered her face. An awkward moment passed where Dan didn’t know whether to comfort Jan or just stand there. Jan looked up.

“..I think we need to break up,” Jan said softly.

“Yes!” Balthazar exclaimed through a whisper as he pumped his fist. Maxime elbowed him in the side, as if to say “ shut up ”.

Dan hesitated, dumbfounded. “Uh- well, Jan, are you sure?”

Jan paused, before nodding. She lowered her head, and a few tears rolled from her eyes and fell onto the fake grass.

Dan scoffed and dropped the dumbbell he was holding and stormed off. Maxime watched as Dan walked a few metres away, slowed down to a halt, looked around, and walked off in a completely different direction.

No one really knew what to do after that. They slowly re-settled into whatever they were doing before, although the guards were a little more focused now.

“Well, that was eventful,” Balthazar broke the silence between him and Maxime, crossing his arms. He paused, before glancing at Maxime. “Hey, are you okay?”

Maxime was staring ahead, seemingly lost in thought. The expression on his face was a mix of fear, pain, and some other stuff Balthazar couldn’t recognise. He half-blinked, before he waved his hand in front of Maxime’s face. “Hellooo? Earth to Maxime?”

Maxime blinked and shook his head. “Oh, oui , I’m fine,” he adjusted his hair, which had fallen out of place.

“ Okay.. ” Balthazar replied, drawing out the word. He paused, switching his focus to where Jan and Dan had stood moments earlier. “Poor Dan, huh? Love really drives you crazy.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t know,” Maxime replied, “Also, didn’t we just witness a breakup? Doesn’t zat mean they are no longer in love?”

“Not always,” Balthazar raised his pointer finger, “You see, Dan still likes Jan. He said he wanted to be handsome for her , too.”

Maxime nodded and bit his lip.

The pair paused for a moment, before Balthazar spoke again.

“Wait, you wouldn’t know? Why?” he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

“What?” Maxime turned to face Balthazar.

“I said that love drives you crazy sometimes, and you said you wouldn’t know,” Balthazar repeats, “Why?”

“Oh, er,” Maxime acknowledged, “I’ve never been in love before,” He said.

Balthazar paused. “Wait, aren’t you dating Valentina?” He asked, lifting one arm to point towards the latina.

“Well, yes, but,” Maxime started, “We haven’t actually been, er what’s the word- couple-y- to each other for a long while. We peaked in high school, and our relationship has just, I don’t know, fallen . Neither of us have had- the need to properly break up with ze other, so..” he paused, “I’m also certain Valentina has been hooking up with people here as well.”

Balthazar considered this as he rolled his tongue over his teeth. “Well, we should get back at her, huh? That’d be fun!” He smiled.

Maxime sighed. “Yeah, but what would I do? I can’t cheat on her with anyone, I would feel bad If I wasn’t, you know, attracted to that person,”

Suddenly, Maxime felt a pain rise in his chest. He gripped his chest and looked at Balthazar.

“What.. does it feel like to be in love?” he blurted out.

Balthazar opened his mouth to reply, but instead placed his hands on his hips and exhaled. “That’s a hard question, Maxime,” he chuckled dryly.

“Uh,” he swallowed, “It’s like- you feel totally comfortable around that person. You think on the same terms, you feel completely safe around this person.-" he glanced at Maxime- "You just feel, like, at home , you know?” He made random hand gestures as he spoke, “Why, are you in love?” he asked jokingly, cocking his head to the side.

Maxime paused. “I.. don’t know.”

“Oh,” Balthazar replied, “I mean- I was joking with that last question, but- hey, you don’t look so hot. Do you wanna go sit down?” He placed his hand on Maxime’s shoulder.

Maxime nodded, before swallowing harshly and leaving the conversation, knocking Balthazar's hand off of him. He checked if the table in the corner was still empty- which it was- and he sat down there.

-

Maxime sat there for around 5 minutes before someone started approaching the table.

“Hey, is this the moping corner?” The person turned out to be Vector, who made finger guns at Maxime, then sat down next to him. “Can I join?” he grumbled, as he dramatically sighed and placed his elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand.

Maxime glanced at Vector. “I’m not moping , Vector.”

“Well, I am,” Vector replied with another dramatic sigh.

After around 2 minutes, Vector turned to face Maxime. “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m moping?” he asked, grabbing Maxime’s arm.

Maxime pinched the bridge of his nose. “Enlighten me, Vector, why are you moping?”

“The grappling hook I made out of paper clips in order to escape failed to funcion. It shattered once it hooked onto the wall.” Vector said as he rested his head in his hand again.

Maxime groaned. “Okay, if you’re gonna sit next to me, at least be helpful. What do you do when you can’t tell if you love someone romantically or platonically?”

Vector chuckled. “Having problems with Valentina, huh?” he joked.

Maxime opened his mouth to defend himself and Valentina, but he realised it would be pretty pointless to argue with Vector, so he closed it again.

“Well, if you are truly in love with Val- uh, someone , you would do anything for her, huh?”

Maxime nodded in consideration.

“Well, then, just go for it! Tell her ya love her!” Vector stretched his arms towards Valentina, as if to show her off.

“But I don’t know if he even loves me back,” Maxime replied.

“Well, that’s the fun thing about love!” Vector countered, realizing that Maxime was- in fact- not talking about Valentina, “You never know what’s gonna happen. What if he secretly loves you as well? You’ll never know until you ask.” Vector smiled and put both his elbows on the table, resting his head in his hands and leaning closer to Maxime.

Maxime turned to face Vector. “He’s married, Vector,” he stated.

“Oh,” Vector replied, glancing to his left, “That’ll be a little trickier, bud.” Vector paused, before throwing his open palms onto the table and standing up with a sigh.

“Well, I’m done moping. Good luck with your secret love !” Vector winked at Maxime, and spoke as he walked away, “I’m gonna make another grappling hook. Maybe out of elastics? Or cardboard? Yes, cardboard!” he threw his hand in the air, pointing to the sky.

Maxime bit his tongue, before inhaling sharply and standing up. He approached the security guard standing in front of the door. She looked up from the ground, alert.

“Uh.. you aren’t allowed to leave the yard for another, uhh..” She checked her watch,” ..4 minutes!”

“But I am entitled to a phone call, no?” Maxime asked.

“Well, yes, but-” The guard started, glancing to the ground, before Maxime cut her off.

“Well, am I allowed to use ze phone now?”  He said, tapping his foot.

“I don’t think I’m allowed to grant that, I- I’ll have to talk to the Warden,” She replied as she swung the door open. She walked through the door, letting it fall shut behind her. 

Maxime rolled his eyes, before adjusting his glasses and subconsciously lifting his hand to his head to check for his antennae. He walked a few paces away from the door and leaned against the wall, his arms crossed and one leg bent with his foot against the wall.

He quietly clicked his tongue as he looked around the area for the 8th time. His eyes landed on Valentina’s table, and he suddenly felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He furrowed his brow and looked away, rolling his tongue over his teeth.

The bell rang a sharp, loud noise, to mark the end of ‘yard time’. Maxime flinched and brought his hands to the sides of his head instinctively, before he slowly brought his hands back down. He looked around, realising everyone was leaving, and he quickly escorted himself out of the room.

He walked down the hallway, anxious, looking for the phone booths. He fidgeted with his hands as he paced down the hallway. He eventually came across a room titled “Call room”.

He cautiously entered the room, being careful to shut the door quietly behind him. He stepped further into the room, noticing the many phones that looked like they had been built in the 1960’s. He bit his tongue and walked to the nearest phone.

There was a small piece of paper loosely taped onto the clear plastic dividers that separated each phone booth, that read “ Press STAR * to call ,” written in comic sans.

Maxime lifted his hand and scanned the old phone, looking for the “*” button. He pressed it, and lifted the receiver to his ear. He paused, and decided to type in Gru’s phone number. At least, he hoped it was Gru’s number. He was digging up memories from 8th grade, when he would ask anyone he could how he could contact Gru. Eventually, someone gave him a phone number. 

Maxime paused halfway through typing the phone number, trying to remember which digit came next. After a few moments, he entered the last 4 numbers and tapped his foot anxiously as the dial tone played on loop.

“Felonious Gru, AVL,” said a voice from the phone.

Maxime exhaled in relief. “Er, yes, Gru? It’s, er, Maxime. Le Mal.” he gripped the phone with both of his hands, pressing it into his left ear.

“Maxime?” Gru exclaimed, “I thought you were in prison! Why- how are you calling me?”

“You’ve never been in prison before?” Maxime asked, “Zey let me have one phone call.”

“One phone call?” Gru repeated, “and you wasted it on me?”

“Yes, look-” Maxime pinched the bridge of his nose- “I need you to come here. I want to ask you something. In person.”

“I was there, like, 2 hours ago,” Gru sighed, “Uhh, okay, but not today. I don’t think they’d let me visit you again. I’ll come as soon as possible, okay?”

“Okay, À bientôt ,” Maxime nodded, before hanging the receiver back onto the phone with a click.

Just as Maxime was about to exit the room, the security guard from the yard quickly entered the room, seemingly distraught. The pair halted as soon as they noticed each other.

“Are you.. supposed to be here?” The guard asked, after a few awkward moments.

“Er.. yep,” Maxime stuttered, “Are.. you?”

“Mhm,” The guard confirmed, voice a pitch too high.

Maxime nodded slowly, before pushing past the guard to exit the room.

He briskly walked back to his cell, only now realising that he probably should’ve come with a guard. Every now and then, he would look behind himself, just to confirm that no one was following him.

He finally made it to his cell, and when he went to open it, he realised it was locked. He rattled the door in a futile attempt to shake it open. He glanced left and right to make sure no guards had heard the noise.

Balthazar sat up, presumably woken up by Maxime’s panic. He rubbed his eyes, before noticing Maxime.

“Oh, hey!” Balthazar smiled, “They said they couldn’t find you, where were you?” Balthazar began to walk down the ladder.

“Er, I was at the phone booth room, thing,” he waved his hand dismissively, “Can you, er, unlock this door?”

“I can’t, sorry, I dunno how to pick locks,” Balthazar frowned, “Maybe you can get a guard?”

Maxime shook his head. He looked around, before walking to a small hole in the wall, adjacent to the floor. He kneeled down and held his hand out in front of the opening, waiting patiently for something to happen. After a few moments, a small cockroach cautiously crawled onto the frenchman’s hand.

“Hello,” Maxime greeted, bringing his hand to his face to examine the roach, “Oh, tu es très beau, no?” he smiled.

“Listen, er, I need you to get something for me. You see this cell door? It’s locked. I need you to find ze key for this cell and bring it to me, okay?” Maxime gestured to him and Balthazar’s cell. “Ze key will probably be held by one of the guards.” He lowered his hand back to the ground, allowing the cockroach to crawl back into the hole in the wall.

Maxime stood back up and approached the cell.

“You can still talk to them?” Balthazar asked, “I thought they took away your powers.”

“To be honest, I have no idea if this will work,” Maxime clarified.

Balthazar scoffed. “Why not just tell a guard ? That would be so much easier!”

“Zey’re gonna put me in solitary confinement!”

“No, they won’t.”

“How do you know zat?!”

Balthazar opened his mouth to retort, but he couldn’t think of anything to reply with. He closed his mouth and sighed. “Guess we’re gonna be here a while.”

Maxime nodded slowly and leaned against the wall.

After around 10 minutes, Balthazar spoke. “Hey, are you sure your roach friend is coming?”

Maxime exhaled and slid down the wall to a sitting position. “I hope so. I don’t want to call a guard.”

After around 10 more minutes, the two villains had gotten on the topic of the most impressive thing a villain could do.

“I’m telling you, stealing the largest diamond in the world! That’s the best thing a villain could do!” Balthazar exclaimed.

Maxime chuckled, defeated. “ Mon dieu, no, it’s.. it’s not!” he pinched the bridge of his nose, before turning to face Balthazar, exasperated. “It’s obviously creating an army for zemselves! Zey can use that army to do anything, especially if ze villain has- I don’t know- some sort of hive-mind device zey can use on ze army!”

“But with that diamond, you can-” Balthazar cut himself off, an amused smile creeping onto his face.

“What?” Maxime asked, adjusting his glasses, “What is it?!”

“Your antennae,” Balthazar covered his mouth and pointed to Maxime’s head.

Maxime groaned, frustrated, and tucked the antennae under his hair, leaning back against the wall.

“Alright, come on now, Maxime,” Balthazar said after another 5 minutes, frustrated, “Just get a guard.”

“Wait! Give ze cockroach a little more time, okay?” Maxime defended.

Balthazar groaned. As if on cue, a quiet jingling sound was heard coming from the same hole that the roach originally came from. Maxime, upon hearing the noise, began grinning like a kid in a candy shop and he quickly approached the opening in the wall. 

He held his hands out in front of the hole, and around 8 cockroaches crawled out at the same time. They moved as a group, crawling onto Maxime’s outstretched palms. On their back was a keychain with too many keys for Maxime to count.

“ Oh, merci! Merci beaucoup, les petits cafards! ” Maxime exclaimed. He picked up the keys off of the cockroach’s backs, and, as he did so, all the bugs scurried away in different directions.

Maxime stood up, his legs tingling from sitting down too long, and walked over to the keyhole. The keys jangled as he tried to find the right key, occasionally attempting to shove a key into the keyhole fruitlessly. 

As he was searching, he glanced up at Balthazar, who was standing adjacent to him, grinning. “See? I told you we could trust ze cockroaches to help us,” he said.

Balthazar hummed. He smiled as Maxime successfully opened the door, stepping to the side and grandly gesturing for Maxime to enter the cell with a bow.

“Welcome to my humble abode,” Balthazar exclaimed, putting on a very bad posh-British accent.

Maxime chuckled, and- playing along- did a small curtsy before he entered the cell. He closed the door behind him and reached through the metal bars to re-lock it.

He turned around and spun the keys around his pointer finger, before he clasped his hand around them as the keys made a stifled jingle noise.

He walked over to the bottom bunk and lifted his pillow, then paused. “Hey, er, Balthazar, where do you think we should hide these keys?”

“Oh, uhh..” Balthazar started, “I dunno.”

Maxime shrugged and placed down the keys, then dropped the pillow on top of them.

Chapter Text

The pair grew bored as time passed. Balthazar was sitting against the bunk bed’s ladder with his knees up, and Maxime was lying on the bottom bunk next to him, on his back.

“Here, solve this,” Balthazar said as he handed Maxime his rubik’s cube.

Maxime silently took the cube and solved it in around 2 minutes, handing it back to Balthazar. Balthazar immediately began to scramble the cube again.

“Hey, are you sure there’s nothing else to do?” Maxime asked, “I’m getting tired of zat cube.” He shook his hands.

“Uhh.. there’s a card deck?” Balthazar offered, looking around the small room.

“Eugh, no, I hate card games,” Maxime groaned, “I don’t know enough of zem to be skilled.”

“Well, I can teach you some,” Balthazar suggested as he turned to face Maxime, “You know Go Fish? It’s not really a skill-based game, so it should be easy to pick up.”

 “I’ve never heard of it, how do you play?” Maxime asked as he sat up to face Balthazar.

“Well,” Balthazar started. He stood up to grab the card deck from the metal desk on the opposite side of the cell, then sat on the bed, on Maxime’s left. As he spoke, he started dealing the cards. 

“Each player gets 6 cards. The rest of the cards go in the middle, they’re the draw pile.” Balthazar handed Maxime 6 cards, face-down with a soft smile. Maxime curiously took the cards from Balthazar’s hand.

“Do you want to go first?” Balthazar asked.

“Er, no, you can go first,” Maxime replied.

Balthazar nodded. “Okay, so, the first player- that’s me- asks the second player if they have a specific card. So, uh-” Balthazar glanced at his cards- “Do you have any three’s?”

Maxime fanned his cards and brought them to his face, analysing each of them briefly.

“ Non ,” He confirmed, lowering the cards from his face.

“So, if you don’t have the card, you’d say ‘ go fish ’,” Balthazar mentioned.

“Oh, er.. go fish?” Maxime hesitated, adjusting his glasses.

Balthazar picked up the top card from the draw pile, adding it to his hand. “Okay, your turn!”

“Okay, er.. do you have any eights?”

“Ugh, yeah,” Balthazar chuckled and handed Maxime 3 cards. Maxime grabbed the cards and added them to his deck. “What do I do with these?”

“You can keep them in your hand, or you can put them down in front of you as a set.”

Maxime placed the cards down in front of him. He gingerly reached for a card, before Balthazar cut him off.

“Ah- no, since I gave you the cards, you can’t draw any other ones.” He reached over to block Maxime’s hand from the draw pile. “Uh.. you can ask again, though, for my cards.”

“Er, okay, do you have any, er..” Maxime asked, glancing at his cards, “queens?”

“No, go fish,” Balthazar replied. Maxime shrugged lightly and picked up a card from the draw pile.

“Okay, any nines?” Balthazar asked.

“Go fish,” Maxime replied, leaning his head in his right hand. “Hey, what’s the goal of zis game?”

“To get the most card sets.” Balthazar slid a card off of the draw pile, and- upon examining it- began to smile.

“Aha!” Balthazar announced, throwing his hand in the air, “I fished what I wished!” He grabbed the other card from his hand and set it down in front of him, grinning.

Maxime began to laugh quietly, before flattening the antennae sticking out of his hair. He covered his mouth and bit the side of his finger to silence his laughter.

Balthazar stared at Maxime, smiling. He crossed his legs and placed his cards face-down in front of him. Maxime looked up, adjusting his glasses, and made eye contact with Balthazar.

“Uhh, you want to keep playing?” Balthazar asked after a few moments, glancing down at his cards.

Maxime hesitated. “Er, okay, sure.”

-

An alarm rang, startling Maxime and Balthazar. They had just started their third round, and Maxime was determined to finally beat Balthazar.

“Agh, what is zat?” Maxime asked, plugging his ears. He dropped his cards, and they scattered across the area in front of him.

“The dinner bell,” Balthazar replied. He paused, before speaking again, “Hey, I know where we can hide the keys!-” he smiled- “We’ll have to skip dinner though, is that okay?”

“Er, why would we need to skip dinner? Where is the hiding spot?” Maxime asked, biting his tongue on the last “ t ”.

“Just follow me,” Balthazar winked at Maxime. 

They waited patiently for the guard to come unlock their door. After she had done so, Balthazar approached the door, creaking it open. Maxime picked up the keys from under his pillow and quickly walked up to just behind Balthazar.

Balthazar walked through the hallway, approaching the dining room. Maxime slowed as they got to the room, but Balthazar kept walking at a brisk pace. Maxime ran back up to the dutchman’s side.

“Okay, here,” Balthazar said, slowing to a stop. He turned to face Maxime with a smile and gestured to a small wooden board leaning against the floor.

Maxime hesitated, before sliding the board to the side with his foot to reveal a small crawl space.

“A hole in ze wall?” Maxime asked, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Not only,” Balthazar grinned, lifting his pointer finger, “Look!”

Maxime half-blinked and looked at the opening again. “I don’t know, what is it?”

“It’s a tunnel!” Balthazar beckoned to Maxime, “Come on, let’s go!” he kneeled down and began to crawl through the tunnel.

Maxime watched as Balthazar entered the crawlspace. He paused, before smiling softly and following the dutchman through the tunnel.

They emerged into a larger room, and Balthazar stood up. He placed his fists on his hips, staring up with a smile. Maxime crawled out of the tunnel shortly after, and- as he stood up- glanced at the sky.

It was a large and open dusk sky. The stars were shining bright, standing out against the purple-and-blue navy sky. The colours mixed together, like a watercolour painting. As Maxime scanned his eyes over the stars, he noticed some star signs and constellations.

“Woah, c’est très magnifique!” Maxime exclaimed, grinning. He pointed to a few stars to his right, “Look! There’s ze Grande Ourse!” He bit his tongue.

“There’s more,” Balthazar replied. He slowly began walking, glancing back at Maxime, who quickly walked up to Balthazar’s side.

They stayed walking for a few minutes, before a thought crossed Maxime’s mind.

“Hey, where even are we?” He asked, “I mean- this looks like ze outside, but it can’t be, right?”

“It is,” Balthazar replied dismissively.

“What?” Maxime stopped walking, forcing Balthazar to do the same. “You mean to tell me you’ve had access to the outside this whole time and you’ve never thought to escape?!” Maxime adjusted his glasses, which had slid down the bridge of his nose. His antennae buzzed.

Balthazar sighed loudly, stepping closer to the frenchman. “Yeah, I have thought about it, but this place is still owned by the AVL.-” he gestured to the area- “They have cameras and everything around here.”

Maxime ran his tongue over his teeth and glanced right, frustrated.

Balthazar nodded slowly, and continued forward. Maxime followed behind him.

They kept walking for another 5 minutes or so.

“We’re here,” Balthazar announced with a soft smile. He held out his hand, gesturing to the large open space they had just entered.

Maxime eyes widened at the sight of the area. It was a forested area that was filled to the brim with life. Mushrooms sprang out of practically every nook and cranny, and the ground was covered with clovers. A swallowtail butterfly fluttered by, landing on a small milkweed plant. A weak breeze blew by, carrying pollen from a linden tree with it. It was a truly magical scene.

Maxime’s eyes darted across the scene, taking in every second he could. Balthazar glanced at the frenchman and smiled.

“Do you have the keys?” Balthazar asked after a few moments.

Maxime didn’t respond.

“Hello?” Balthazar chuckled, waving his hand in front of Maxime’s face. Maxime flinched and blinked. “Huh? Oh, yeah, I have ze keys.”

“Well, hide them somewhere!” Balthazar replied.

“But what if we ruin this ecosystem? You know, ecosystems-” Maxime started, lifting his pointer finger, before Balthazar cut him off.

“It’s fine, Max, the ecosystem will survive,” Balthazar chuckled. Maxime glanced at Balthazar, surprised by the nickname. 

The dutchman held his hand out and beckoned to Maxime. “Here, give them to me. I’ll put them somewhere.”

Maxime rolled his eyes and reluctantly placed the keys in Balthazar’s palm.

Balthazar winked at Maxime, closing his hand, and he walked into the forested area. He slowly spun around, before he approached the same milkweed plant that the butterfly landed on earlier. He kneeled down and began digging up the dirt next to it.

“No!” Maxime spoke loudly, startling Balthazar. The dutchman looked up at Maxime. “Er, sorry, er.. don’t put ze keys there.” Maxime shook his hands.

“Why not?”

Maxime exhaled. “What if ze plant gets sick from ze metal?”

Balthazar made eye contact with Maxime and chuckled. “You know, you’re cute when you do that,” he said, before slapping his hand over his mouth.

“What?” Maxime asked, his eyebrows raising slightly.

Balthazar felt the blood rush to his face. “What? Nothing! I didn’t say anything,” Balthazar replied quickly, flustered.

Maxime nodded and flattened the antennae that had lifted further out of his hair.

Balthazar cleared his throat and glanced down. “Okay, uh, where should I hide the keys?” He stood up.

“Er, maybe over there?” Maxime pointed to a small patch of exposed dirt, “There’s no nearby plants there.”

Balthazar nodded and walked over to the patch of dirt. He kneeled down and dug a few inches down, before setting the keys in the hole and filling it with the same dirt.

He stood up, still staring at the patch of dirt, and dusted off his hands. He was just about to walk away, when he noticed something. He squinted his eyes and crouched down to look at the object further. He smiled after a few moments, and picked the object up off the ground.

He approached Maxime, and held out the object he was pinching between his index finger and thumb towards the frenchman.

“What’s zis?” Maxime asked, curiously taking the object from Balthazar’s hand.

“It’s a four-leaf clover,” Balthazar replied, “It’s supposed to bring good luck!”

“Yes, I know,” Maxime replied, a smile creeping onto his face as he examined the small legume, “How did you find it? These are so rare..”

“I dunno, it was just there,” Balthazar replied, “Cool, right?”

“Mhm,” Maxime agreed. He kept staring at the clover in awe.

The pair stayed like that for a while, staring at the plant in Maxime’s hand.

Balthazar ran his tongue over his teeth and looked up. “Uh, would you- uh, want to stay here.. tonight.. instead of going back to the cell..?” He asked, tapping his foot and sliding his hands into his pockets.

Maxime looked up, making eye contact with Balthazar. “Oh, er, sure, but where would we sleep?”

“Pick a spot,” Balthazar replied, panning his arm across the scene, “You in or out?”

Maxime paused, before he nodded. “Okay, yeah, sure!”

-

Maxime awoke to the sound of birdsong. He sat up, alarmed by his surroundings, before he remembered why he was here. He rubbed his eyes and began to search the grass for his glasses, before he realised he was sitting alarmingly close to a sleeping Balthazar. Like, they-were-probably-spooning close. 

Maxime panicked, threw his glasses on, and ran back to the crawlspace he had entered this place from the night before. As he cautiously emerged into the prison hallway, he checked the time on the large, red-and-black digital clock positioned near the ceiling.

6:17 AM

Maxime exhaled. They’d probably be serving breakfast around now, so not many guards would be wandering the halls. He walked towards the dining room, cautiously creeping into the room.

He sat down at a nearby empty table. He waited a few moments, before realising he hadn’t grabbed any food. He stood up from the table, fixing his hair, and briskly walked over to the line to collect food which was decently short by now.

After he’d collected his mouldy bread and pile of mysterious slop, he headed back to the table he was sitting at earlier, just to find out that Vector had claimed the table before Maxime could get back.

The frenchman scanned the room, checking for any other empty tables. There weren’t any. He rolled his eyes, before approaching the table Vector was seated at.

Vector looked up at the sound of footsteps, and smiled as he realised it was Maxime.

“Hey, best bud!” He said, mouth full of food.

Maxime grimaced and sat at the opposite side of the table.

Vector swallowed his food and turned to face Maxime. “So, how’d it go with your secret admire-ee ?”

“I, er, haven’t spoken to him yet,” Maxime replied, glancing at Vector. He pinched the slice of bread with his middle finger and thumb and held it up, eyeing it with disgust.

“Hey, you gonna eat that? Can I have it?” Vector gestured to the piece of bread.

“What? Zis ?” Maxime asked, looking up at Vector, disgust crawling over his face.

Vector nodded.

“It’s a mouldy piece of bread,” Maxime warned, raising one of his eyebrows.

Vector nodded again.

“Okay..” Maxime’s eye twitched as he carefully handed Vector the bread, dropping it onto the other inmate’s tray. Maxime quickly retreated his hand and wiped it on his shirt.

Vector gleefully picked up the piece of bread, and was just about to consume the slice when he noticed Maxime adopt a panicked expression. The frenchman quickly hunched over and covered his head with his hands, his eyes glued to the dining room entrance.

“Hey, you okay?” Vector asked, lowering the slice of bread.

“ Shh !” Maxime quieted Vector, “Hide me!”

Vector followed where Maxime was looking, and saw Balthazar, who was walking around the room calling for someone.

“ ’He calling for you?” Vector asked in between bites of bread.

“Yes, now shut up !” Maxime whisper-yelled.

Just then, Balthazar started to approach their table. Maxime cowered further as he felt blood rush to his face.

The dutchman noticed Maxime, turning his head to face him, and they made eye contact.

“Max, you-” Balthazar started, stepping closer to Maxime, before he was interrupted.

“Maxime Le Mal?” A guard yelled from the entrance of the dining room, dragging his gaze across the room. “There’s a visitor here for Maxime Le Mal!”

Maxime shrugged at Balthazar and quickly stood up to jog over to the guard.

“Maxime Le Mal?” The guard repeated as the frenchman approached him.

Maxime nodded in clarification, biting his tongue.

“Alright, come with me,” the guard responded, beckoning to Maxime as he began to walk away. Maxime quickly followed him, staying close behind the guard.

-

“Okay, here,” The guard brought Maxime to a door, and- upon opening it- the pair stepped into a small room. Maxime recognised the room as the small ‘closed visit’ room he had spoken to Gru before.

“Er, can I speak to Gru, you know, not through a wall?” Maxime turned to face the guard standing behind him.

“No can do,” The guard replied, shaking his head slightly.

“Please? Zis is important,” Maxime countered, “You can get someone to approve my ask, no?” he smiled, mouth open.

The guard sighed. “Uhh, yeah, I can try,” He left the room, locking the large metal door behind him.

Maxime sighed and walked over to the chair in front of the glass panel and sat down.

He crossed his arms and tapped his foot, waiting for something to happen. He turned his head to the left and brought his hand to his head to check if his antennae had fallen out of place.

A few boring minutes passed, before Maxime heard a door open. The frenchman looked up through the glass panel, and noticed Gru had walked into the visiting room, accompanied by another security guard.

Maxime picked up the call phone, fumbled and dropped it, then quickly picked it up again, pressing it to his left ear.

Gru sat down, picked up his call phone, and held it against his right ear. “Hello, Maxime, er, why did you ask for a visit?” Gru asked, crossing his left arm over his right.

“Er, well, I wanted to speak to you in a different room, but it seems zey haven’t- approved my request.” Maxime bit his tongue, glancing left.

“Oh, they told me we were going to move rooms,” Gru mentioned, “but to start the meeting here.”

“Oh, er, okay,” Maxime swallowed and looked behind him, “er, how did- er, when you met Lucy, er, how did you know you were in love with her?”

Gru paused. His eyes darted between Maxime’s, a look of confusion crawling onto his face. “Why do you want to know?”

“I.. may have.. er.. met someone..” Maxime mumbled, breaking eye contact with Gru.

Gru laughed, leaning closer to the glass panel. “Okay, who’s the lucky guy?”

“How do you know it’s a guy?” Maxime countered, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Come on, Maxime, everyone knows you’ve been gayer than a maypole for so long,” Gru chuckled, rolling his eyes, “so, who is it? Bratt? Vector? Someone else? Who?” He smiled.

Maxime glanced down, face flushing, and ran his tongue over his teeth. He paused, before sharply inhaling and he turned to look behind himself. “When are they going to get us ze other room?”

“I don’t know,” Gru replied, leaning back in his chair.

Maxime fixed his hair. “So, er, can you answer my question?”

“I don’t know, can I?” Gru laughed. Maxime bit his tongue.

“So, about Lucy,” Gru started, “I met Lucy when she had tried to arrest me. I tried to use my freeze-ray on her, but she dodged it and tased me with…”

Gru’s words became fuzzy as Maxime watched him. It was thrilling to watch Gru being so excited about something, but the longer he spoke, something broke inside of Maxime. He knew that Gru would never talk about him like this. He thought back to when he was arrested. Gru had been kind to him, although slightly condescending, kind . He would’ve never thought, in a million years, that his nemesis would’ve been kind to him.

Just then, a guard unlocked the door behind Maxime, causing Gru to trail off and Maxime to turn around.

The guard opened the door halfway, popping his head through the doorway.

“The room’s ready for you two,” The guard said, giving a thumbs-up sign to the guard behind Gru. Maxime’s guard stepped out of the doorway, gesturing for the frenchman to follow him. Maxime stood up and exited the room, Gru doing the same shortly after.

As Maxime followed the guard to the next room, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned his head to look behind him, and saw Balthazar. The dutchman stepped closer to Maxime, a look of confusion and sadness plastered on his face. Maxime bit his tongue and turned to face away from Balthazar.

Maxime was placed into a large closet of sorts, sitting on a bench. Around 6 feet away was another bench, adjacent to Maxime, that Gru was sitting on. They sat there for a while, both not knowing what to say.

Maxime fidgeted with his hands. He nervously glanced around the room, purposely avoiding looking at the man across from him. He adjusted his glasses. He ran his fingers through his hair. He pressed two of his fingers to the side of his neck, checking his pulse. His heart was racing. He bit his tongue.

“Was there any more you wanted to ask me?” Gru asked, noticing the frenchman’s anxious demeanour, “Hey, er, are you okay? You look-”

Gru was cut off by Maxime suddenly lunging at him, pulling him into a kiss. Gru, shocked, froze at the touch. The guards quickly approached Maxime, pulling him off of Gru by his underarms. Maxime stared back at Gru, who had just processed the interaction. He stared back at the Frenchman with betrayal and confusion as he wiped his mouth.

The door slammed behind Maxime, and- as he was being dragged away- he noticed Balthazar standing out the door. Maxime figured he had seen the interaction through the door’s window, as the dutchman’s facial expression was a mix of confusion, pain, and a touch of heartbreak.

One of the guards that was dragging Maxime away noticed Balthazar, and walked over to the dutchman to escort him back to his cell.

Maxime recognised the path the remaining guard was taking him on. He tensed as the guard pushed him into the same circular room he was being held in when he was arrested for the first time.

“You’re staying here tonight,” The guard clarified as she shut the large metal door, “We’ll collect you in the morning.”

Maxime paused, trying to process what had just happened. He lifted his hand to his mouth.

“Ah, shit.”

Chapter Text

*

Maxime and Balthazar lay next to each other, staring at the sky through the gaps in the tall linden trees surrounding them.

“Hey, I wanted to ask you something,” Balthazar started, breaking the silence between them, “You said you don’t know if you’re in love?”

“Mhm,” Maxime confirmed.

“Well, if you were, who would it be?”

Maxime turned his head to look at Balthazar. “Why do you want to know?” He bit his tongue.

Balthazar shrugged. “No reason,”

Maxime smiled softly and turned to face the sky. “Well, you know him,” he nodded to Balthazar.

“Yeah?” Balthazar repeated, “What’s his hair colour?”

“Technically, black,” Maxime replied.

“Technically?” Balthazar repeated.

“Don’t think about it too much,” Maxime said,  “You’ll know who it is if you do.” He rolled over to face Balthazar. Balthazar did the same, extending his arm to hand Maxime the four-leaf clover. Maxime didn’t take the clover, instead stretching out his hand to hold Balthazar’s.

*

Balthazar had been searching for Maxime for a while by the time he had spotted him in the cafeteria. He approached the frenchman, but as he did, some guard called for Maxime. He followed Maxime to the closed visit rooms, where he waited outside for him to leave. 

Maxime left the room with the guard sooner than Balthazar expected and he walked after them, following them to a small broom closet. He peered through the small window, scoffing when he realised Maxime was meeting with Gru . 

However, something died inside him as he saw Maxime kiss Gru. He felt stupid for ever believing someone like Maxime Le Mal could ever love him back. He stepped back from the door and hit himself on the head, wincing from the self-inflicted pain.

The door burst open as two guards carried the frenchman out of the room. Balthazar made eye contact with Maxime. What the hell?

One of the guards approached Balthazar. “Hey, you should be back at your cell. Follow me.”

Balthazar silently obeyed, walking next to the guard. The guard brought the dutchman to his cell, and Balthazar walked into the room without hesitation. He approached the bunk bed as the guard behind him locked the door. He began to climb up the bunk bed, but paused as he noticed the unfinished game of ‘Go Fish’ that he and Maxime were playing.

He swallowed and walked up to his bunk, lying down in a fetal position. He wanted to cry, he wanted to scream, but he didn’t. His mind was racing. He gripped his head in his hands, nails digging into his flesh. His heart thudded into his ears. His breathing quickened. He sat up, eyes darting around the room. His breathing became more and more shallow by the second. 

He shut his eyes tightly. He paused. He hit himself on the head. He’d never had anyone ever love him back, he didn’t know why he’d thought this time would be different. He shakily brought his hand to his throat in response to the unmistakable feeling of being choked. He swallowed harshly. His chest tightened. He paused. He drove his hands into the sides of his head, attempting to block out the overwhelming feeling of dread. Tears fell from his eyes, running down his face. His stomach twisted.

“This..” he whispered, between breaths, “A.. heart attack.. yeah..? No. No, it.. can’t be.. right?” He clutched his chest.

His jaw tensed. His head spun. His chest ached. Goosebumps covered his arms. He brought his arms down, wrapping them around himself. He began to rock back and forth. He sobbed. His heart was racing. His thoughts spiralled. He felt lightheaded.

“Heart attack symptoms.. are..” he whispered, “uhh.. chest pain.. lightheadedness or.. uhh… d-dizziness..” he swallowed harshly.

He couldn’t believe it. He was dying, and he never even got to tell Maxime he loved him.

“Uh.. nausea.. tiredness.. what else..?” Balthazar kept listing symptoms, “high bpm.. uhh..” his breathing slowed, “What else..?” 

He lay down on his side, the grip he had on his chest loosening. He swallowed. “Dizziness? No.. no, I said that already..” He curled his legs, bringing his knees to his chest. He closed his eyes, eyelashes still wet from tears. “Pain in the arms.. yeah?”

He paused, his breathing slow. He took the four-leaf clover from the night before out from his pocket, holding it in front of his face. He twirled it slowly in his fingers, noticing how the leaves had begun to dry up.

-

Maxime paced around the room. He had been thinking about the events of that morning the entire time he’d been in here, about how he’d probably messed up one of his only two friendships. The thing he couldn’t wrap his head around, though, is why Balthazar had cared . That expression he had when Maxime was dragged out of the meeting room was undeniably very upset. But why ?

Maxime walked into the bedframe, stubbing his toe. He winced at the pain, inhaling sharply. He decided it would be a good idea to sit down, which he did.

“Solitary confinement… again,” The frenchman muttered to himself, “And I don’t even have my cockroach body, so I can’t brute-force my way out either. Oh, mon dieu .” He crossed his arms and sighed, switching his focus to the spot where the cockroaches had helped him out before. “Zey’ve even sealed ze vents!” He threw his arm out in emphasis, “What did zey think I was going to do, huh? Crawl through ze vent system?” He fixed his hair.

Maxime took off his glasses and fidgeted with them. He tried to think of any- any reason Balthazar would’ve reacted like that. Unless- no, probably not. Maxime chuckled at the absurdity of the thought. Surely Balthazar didn’t have feelings for him, that’s just not possible. Why would someone as eccentric and confident as Balthazar Bratt like some- some bug man ?

Maxime dismissed the thought quickly. He stood up, approaching the door. He stood on his toes and peered through the small window- if you could even call it that- to attempt to read the time. 

He caught a glimpse of the clock, informing him it was around 10:00. He turned away. He double-checked. He’d been in here for 4 hours already? No way, right?

He brushed his hand through his hair and walked the perimeter of the room for the tenth time, checking for literally anything to do. He ran his finger along the bed frame and sat down on the mattress. He figured he’d try and get some sleep, seeing as there was nothing else to do.

It surprisingly proved quite difficult to fall asleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Balthazar. He needed to get some closure.

-

“Hey! Wake up!” Maxime woke up with a jump. A guard had opened the door, meaning Maxime was allowed to leave. He was happy for a second, before the feeling of dread stemming from ‘having to talk to Balthazar’ crept up on him. He stood up and followed the guard out of the cell, losing his balance momentarily from standing up too fast. 

Maxime was overthinking ‘seeing Balthazar again’ way too much. He ran his hand through his hair, patting down the antennae that had risen out of his hair.

The guard closed the cell door loudly behind Maxime, startling the frenchman.

“Hey,” The guard yelled through the bars, “Breakfast in 10 minutes, okay?”

Maxime nodded. After the guard had left, he walked over to his bunk. He tried to not alert Balthazar, although the Guard had probably woken him already.

As Maxime stepped closer to the bunk, he noticed the card game he and Balthazar hadn’t finished. It felt wrong messing that up somehow, so he sat on the chair next to the desk. He glanced up at Balthazar’s bunk, jumping as he realised that, not only was the dutchman awake, he was staring right at him.

“Oh, er, hi,” Maxime waved awkwardly. His voice was dry from waking up so recently.

“ Hi, ” Balthazar replied slowly. He sat up, maintaining eye contact with Maxime. “I’ve been awaiting your arrival.”

Maxime chuckled awkwardly. His smile faded. “Er, are you mad?”

“Mad?” Balthazar raised his eyebrows, “ Mad ? Why in the world would I be mad?” Balthazar threw out his arms for emphasis.

“Well, er, I don’t know, you just seemed upset- yesterday.” Maxime bit his tongue.

Balthazar chuckled, walking down the bunk bed ladder. “Oh, you think you’re funny? You think you’re funny, huh? Going around, b- breaking my heart with my literal nemesis !” He jabbed himself in the chest.

“Breaking your heart? Wh.. what do you mean?” Maxime chuckled nervously, glancing to his right.

“Oh, you don’t get it, do you?” Balthazar laughed, “I like you ! I.. really like you, and you’ve been too caught up in your Gru to notice.” Balthazar waved his hands.

Maxime didn’t know how to reply. He gripped the chair he was sitting on, knuckles turning white.

Balthazar approached Maxime. “And I know it sounds stupid, because I met you three days ago, but I really want to be with you! And- and I can’t believe you would just do that to me!” He gripped his head in his hands, tilting his head up.

He paused, before reaching into his pocket and pulling out the four-leaf clover. The leaves were fully dried out by now. “Remember this? You should, ‘cuz it was yesterday,-” he nodded his head left, shrugging slightly- “I gave this to you for good luck, right?” Balthazar’s face was now inches from Maxime’s, the clover in the middle. “Right?” He breathed heavily, eyes darting between Maxime’s.

Maxime hesitated. He watched as Balthazar recovered from his outburst. He remained calm, mostly out of shock. He slowly reached for the clover, plucking it from Balthazar’s grip. Balthazar watched Maxime’s movements with confusion, clearly expecting a different reaction.

Maxime silently tucked the clover behind Balthazar’s right ear, so it was sitting in his hair. He lowered his arm, resting it on his lap, but he kept staring at the clover.

They made eye contact, unmoving. They stayed in that position, both very confused and shocked. The only thing they could hear was each other’s breathing.

That is, until a shrill alarm blared from the hallway. Balthazar stood up straight, breaking eye contact, and Maxime covered his ears.

A guard came around, unlocking all the cell doors. She waved to Maxime and Balthazar as she unlocked their cell door, and they each waved back awkwardly. They approached the cell door, pushing it open and walking down the hallway to the cafeteria. Maxime looked around the room for an empty table as they walked, noticing one near the front of the room.

He approached the table, leaving Balthazar to get food for himself. The dutchman turned to face Maxime as he left.

“Wait, do you want me to get you a tray of food?” he called to Maxime, “I don’t think they’ll let me get a second one, but I can try,” He held his hand next to his mouth to try and help Maxime hear him more clearly.

“No, merci ,” Maxime replied, waving his hand. He turned back to the table he was approaching. 

He sat at the far edge of the table, tapping his feet. He watched as people entered the dining room, approaching the long line for food. He rolled his eyes as he watched Vector enter the room. They made eye contact, and Vector waved at the frenchman as he went to the line. Maxime quickly waved back.

Balthazar walked over to the table, carrying a tray of food. He placed the tray down, sitting next to Maxime. Maxime glanced at the tray of food, noticing how similar it was to yesterday’s breakfast. It was the same mysterious beige slop, with a piece of white bread.

“Hey, what’s in ze soup anyway?” Maxime nodded towards the pile of ‘food’ on Balthazar’s tray.

“It’s mostly leftover food, mixed together in a pot,” Balthazar replied. He paused, before picking up the piece of bread and tearing it in half. He offered one half to Maxime. “Here, take some bread.”

Maxime declined. “No, I’m not hungry,” he smiled.

“No, really, take it. I know they don’t feed you for those short visits in solitary confinement,” Balthazar moved his hand closer to Maxime.

Maxime hesitated, before taking the piece of bread. He stared at it, before gingerly taking a small bite out of the bread. At that point, he’d realised how hungry he actually was, and he began to take larger and more frequent bites.

Vector approached the table, setting down his tray on the opposite side of the table to Balthazar and Maxime.

“Hey ¡amigos! ” Vector said, smiling, “What’s going on?” He turned to Maxime, “ ’You talked to your ‘crush’ yet?”

Balthazar visibly tensed at the mention of this. Maxime, noticing how uncomfortable Balthazar was, tried to change the topic.

“Oh, yeah, but he- er, can we talk about something else?” Maxime chuckled awkwardly.

“Went bad, huh?” Vector smiled, “Okay, I have another question for you,-” he leaned on the table, pointing to Maxime- “Your name- ‘Le Mal’- it means ‘The Bad’ in french. Did you do that on purpose?”

“No, I didn’t,” Maxime replied, “I was born into a family of supervillains, like many of ze people at Lycee Pas Bon, and my great-great-grandfather had changed his last name to ‘Le Mal’ after robbing the largest bank in the world, at the time.”

“Oh, that’s the reason!” Balthazar turned his head to face Maxime, “I was gonna ask you that yesterday, but, uh..” he trailed off.

“Hey, what’s that?” Vector asked, pointing to Balthazar’s right ear, “In your hair, what is it?”

Balthazar turned to face Vector. “Oh, this? Uh..” he pulled the clover out of his hair, “It’s a four-leaf clover. I found it two days ago.”

“Oh, cool!” Vector reached over, taking the clover from Balthazar’s hand. Balthazar reached out to protest, but quickly retracted his hand, biting his nails.

Vector twirled the clover in his fingers, staring at it in awe.

“Woah, where did you find this?” He asked, “It’s, like, wilting,”

“In the yard. Can I have it back?” Balthazar replied curtly.

Vector held the clover closer to his chest and looked up at Balthazar, smiling. “I know there aren’t any clovers in the yard, Evil Bratt. Tell me where you actually got this, and I’ll give it back.”

“Evil Bratt?” Maxime repeated, looking at Balthazar for clarification.

Balthazar looked back at Maxime. “Yeah, from my TV show,”

“You were on a TV show?”

“You’ve never heard of it?!”

“Hello? Tick tock,” Vector interrupted.

Balthazar glanced at Vector. “We’re talking about this later,” he spoke quietly to Maxime, pointing at him, before turning to face Vector.

“Where’d you get it?” Vector repeated.

Balthazar opened his mouth to reply, then closed it. He sighed. “I- uh, I got it in the forest next to this building.”

“You have access there?” Vector raised one eyebrow.

“No, there's- a hole in the wall close to the dining room. It directly leads to the forest.”

Vector paused. “Okay..”

He slowly handed the clover back to Balthazar, who quickly took it back. He began to move his arm to put it in his pocket, but instead tucked it behind his ear.

“Okay. You,-” he turned and pointed to Maxime- “What were you doing in the 80’s that you couldn’t watch ‘Evil Bratt’?”

Maxime paused. “Trying to graduate from high school..?” he replied.

“Oh. Really?” Balthazar asked, dropping his hand.

“Yes,” Maxime confirmed, glancing left, “How old do you think I am?”

Balthazar didn’t answer.

“Inmates! Back to your cells, let’s go!” A guard yelled from the dining room entrance.

“Ack- Oh, no!” Vector exclaimed. He began wolfing down the food in an attempt to finish it quickly. Maxime and Balthazar walked out of the room, following the rest of the inmates.

The pair was locked into their cell. Maxime sat down on the edge of his bed, on the opposite side of the card game, and Balthazar sat on the metal chair next to the desk.

“So,” Maxime started, “What’s this ‘Evil Bratt’ show you were on?”

Balthazar smiled. “Oh, I wasn’t just on it, I was the star!” He moved his hands as he spoke. “So, the show focused around me- Evil Bratt- as I pulled off different heists like robbing banks, stealing diamonds…”

-

Balthazar sat next to Maxime on the floor, infodumping about ‘Evil Bratt’ to the frenchman.

“..And they cancelled the show when I was 14, because I was going into puberty, which I think was unfair, because..” Balthazar realised Maxime was staring at him. 

“What?” Balthazar asked, chuckling. “What is it?”

Maxime paused. He softly cupped Balthazar’s head in his hand.

“What are you doing..?” Balthazar repeated, his smile falling. His eyes followed Maxime’s hand.

Maxime tilted his forehead against Balthazar’s, keeping his hand against Balthazar’s jaw.

Balthazar paused. He lifted his hand to the back of Maxime’s head. He slowly brought his lips to Maxime’s, pulling him into a kiss. Maxime kissed back, placing his other hand against Balthazar’s neck.

Maxime pulled away, moving his hand off of Balthazar’s jaw. His heart was beating into his head, and his antennae buzzed.

Balthazar breathed, making eye contact with Maxime. He kissed the frenchman again, opening his mouth ever so slightly. Is this okay?

Maxime kissed back, opening his mouth as well. They fought for dominance, pressing their faces into each other.

Balthazar moved, nipping Maxime on the neck. Maxime’s breath hitched, and he tilted his chin up slightly. He could feel the hair from Balthazar’s moustache- which was surprisingly soft and well-kept, considering they were in jail- scratch against his skin.

Balthazar ran his finger over Maxime’s jawline, tracing the bone under his skin.

Maxime tensed and moved away once Balthazar had begun stroking his antennae.

“You okay?” Balthazar asked, quickly pulling away and letting go of Maxime’s antennae.

The frenchman nodded. “Yeah,” his voice cracked.

“Painful?”

“No,” Maxime shook his head, “No, just- ‘don’t like it.”

“Okay,” Balthazar nodded slightly. He paused, glancing down, before sharply inhaling as he stood up. “Want to play cards?”

“Oh, okay, er- sure,” Maxime agreed hesitantly, watching Balthazar loosely sort the cards into a pile, then set them down in between the two as he sat down. Maxime ran his hand against the side of his neck.

“Okay, want to play ‘Speed’?” Balthazar smiled, “It’s a little harder than ‘Go Fish’, but you’ll probably manage.”

“..Okay,” Maxime replied, “How do you play?”

“Well, you start by putting down the cards like this -” Balthazar began to arrange the cards on the floor, but a loud and repetitive clanging noise interrupted him.

“Yard time?” Maxime asked, making eye contact with Balthazar, who nodded.

Maxime stood up, flattening his antennae, followed by Balthazar. They exited the door after the guard had passed their cell, following the hoard of prisoners into the yard.

Maxime wandered around the yard, looking for something to do. All the tables were claimed by people, even Vector was sitting with someone. He decided to look around the weights, although not particularly interested in them.

He passed Valentina’s table on the way. She was sitting on the edge of the bench, mostly ignoring the other, louder people sitting at the table. 

Maxime quickly waved at her as he passed the table. As soon as she saw him, she stood up and grabbed him by the jaw, jolting his head to the side. He winced.

“Is that a hickey?” Valentina asked, jabbing her long nail into his neck.

Maxime stayed silent, growing tense. His skin began to burn where the latina's nails dug into it.

Valentina made eye contact with Maxime, leaning closer to him. “Is. That. A. Hickey.”

Maxime nodded hesitantly, wincing as Valentina’s nails dug further into his skin.

“Who the hell is giving you hickeys?!” Valentina spoke, voice growing louder.

Maxime reached his hand up, attempting to move Valentina’s hand. She kept her hand sturdy, unfazed by Maxime’s movement.

Maxime breathed. “Valentina, I can’t do zis. We need to- break up.”

“No, we don't,” Valentina replied curtly.

Maxime opened his mouth to reply, then closed it. He bit his tongue. “I can’t take your abuse anymore, Val. You’re- you’re always going around, s-sleeping with other people, but you don’t want to break up with me! Why?”

Valentina hesitated, staring at Maxime through lifeless sunglasses, before she lifted her nails off of Maxime’s flesh. The frenchman quickly brought his hand to his jaw, running his fingers over the marks left in his skin by Valentina’s nails as his blood rushed back to the area.

“Now, where did you get that idea from?” Valentina countered, her tone of voice shifting from ‘aggressive’ to ‘caring and nurturing’. She brought her hand to Maxime’s head, plucking one of his antennae from his hair and stroking it. Maxime winced at the touch.

“I’m not cheating on you, mi amour !” Valentina consoled, “I’m simply, er.. exploring my interests! You know, an open relationship !”

“If it’s an ‘open relationship’,-” Maxime did finger quotes- “why can’t I see other people?”

“Because-” Valentina hesitated, trying to think of a valid answer, “Because I say you can’t.”

Maxime chuckled dryly. “That’s some of ze worst-”

Valentina striked Maxime across the face with the back of her hand. Maxime brought his palm to his face, blood rushing to his cheek. Valentina leaned closer to Maxime, jabbing her finger into his chest.

“Don’t get cocky with me, roach, or I’ll put you back in your place.” Valentina spat. She stood up, straightening her jacket, and walked back to the table she was sitting at. She sat at the furthest available spot from Maxime.

Maxime’s face throbbed. He stood there, not knowing what to do or where to go for around 30 seconds before Balthazar approached him, distraught.

“Max, are you okay?” Balthazar placed his right arm over Maxime’s shoulders, trying to make eye contact with the frenchman.

Maxime stared ahead, shaking. His palm was glued to his face. He made eye contact with Balthazar. He paused, before wrapping his arms around the dutchman, pulling him into a hug.

“Oh, uh..” Balthazar lifted his arm off of Maxime, awkwardly patting him on the head. “pat pat..? This feels wrong.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, ‘your cheek okay?” Balthazar sat down next to Maxime, who was holding a small bag of ice to his face.

“Yeah, although it still hurts,” Maxime replied, lifting his knees to his chest, “So, are we going to talk about, er, you know.. zis?” Maxime pointed to the bruise on his neck.

Balthazar’s face flushed. “What? Oh, uh, sure, but, uhh.. look at this!” he held out his rubik’s cube, which had been set to a checkerboard pattern. “Cool, right? I did it myself!”

Maxime paused. “Oh, er, yeah, zat’s very.. cool,” he bit his tongue.

“I bet you couldn’t do the same thing,” Balthazar challenged, struggling to set the cube back to normal.

Maxime half blinked and took the cube from Balthazar’s hands, setting the ice pack on the bed. With a smug expression, he made eye contact with the dutchman and quickly solved the cube to the same checkerboarded pattern. He held out the cube, offering it back to Balthazar.

“Easy,” he stated, triumphant.

Balthazar applauded. “Wow, can you do anything else?”

“How about… a cube in a cube?” Maxime offered, taking back the cube and solving it. 

“What?” Balthazar asked, confused.

Maxime began to turn the cube, forming a striped pattern that resembles a ‘cube inside of a cube’.

Balthazar laughed. “Wow, that’s awesome! Can you teach me how to do that?”

“Okay, er, sure,” Maxime quickly solved the cube, and showed it to Balthazar.

“So first, you turn it like this. This move is called ‘front’, because you’re moving the front panel clockwise. Then you move the left side, then front again, then ‘up prime’. It’s called ‘prime’, because you move the panel counter-clockwise, instead of clockwise. You turn it like this, like this, then like this twice, left twice,-” Maxime’s movements sped up, “this, left prime, this, this, like this, this twice, and you finish on ‘up’!” Maxime smiled, handing the patterned cube to Balthazar.

Balthazar took the cube. “Sorry, Max, but I did not catch any of that.” he laughed.

Maxime chuckled, and leaned his head against Balthazar’s shoulder. Balthazar paused, before wrapping his arm around Maxime. “Are you.. okay? What’re you doing?”

Maxime paused. “I like you too.”

Balthazar’s face flushed. “What?”

“You told me earlier that you liked me. I like you too.”

Balthazar smiled softly. He leaned his head on Maxime’s, messing the frenchman’s hair. “So, what’s wrong with Gru?”

Maxime shrugged. “I don’t know, to be honest. I mean- the feeling is there, but it’s stronger with you. So, I choose you.”

Balthazar chuckled. “Okay, Max. Thank you, I guess.”

Maxime chuckled.

The pair paused.

Maxime inhaled, breaking the silence. “How long have you been in here?”

Balthazar hummed. “Eh, around two years-ish,”

Maxime looked up, causing Balthazar to lift his head off of Maxime’s to look at the frenchman. “How long is your sentence?”

“Around two.. years..” Balthazar trailed off, a smile growing on his face. “Oh my god, I’m getting out soon!” He laughed, giddy. He leaned over and kissed Maxime, before standing up and whooping, arms outstretched above his head.

Maxime’s face flushed and he brought his hand to his mouth. He stood up and cheered quietly, elbowing Balthazar in the side. Balthazar laughed and elbowed Maxime. The frenchman pushed Balthazar, and he stumbled backwards with a gasp. He fell over, knocking his head into the wall behind him. He sucked in air through his teeth, bringing his hand to the back of his head.

Maxime covered his mouth in shock, before running over to Balthazar, kneeling next to him. “ Mon dieu , Balthazar are you okay?” He cradled Balthazar’s head in his hand, “ Je suis désolé , I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay, Max, I’m okay..” Balthazar replied, sitting up. He brought his hand down. 

“It’s not like I’m bleeding or… anything…” He was bleeding. “Oh, ..crap. ’Not good.”

“W-what do I do? How do I help?” Maxime asked, panicked, standing up.

“It’s okay, uhh..” Balthazar started, “Numbness? No.. Pins and needles? No..” he glanced at Maxime- “Facial paralysis?”

“What?”

“Is my face paralyzed?” Balthazar waved his hand in front of his face.

“Er.. no?”

“Okay, good, ‘not a brain bleed.”

“ What ?”

“Nevermind. Do you have anything like- like gauze? Or- maybe a clean cloth?”

Maxime glanced around the room. “Er, no.. I don’t think we have anything. C-can you use something else?”

Balthazar stammered, “Uh.. are there any clean clothes? Sheets, even?”

Maxime ran over to the bunk beds, searching for any clean fabrics he could give to Balthazar.

“Err.. there’s a shirt?” Maxime picked up a folded shirt at the end of Balthazar’s bed, running over to the dutchman and handing it to him.

“Thanks,” Balthazar winced as he pressed the shirt to the back of his head. “Go, uh, get a guard. Or- actually, don’t. I’m okay.”

“Are you sure? I- I mean, it’s-”

Balthazar held his hand up. “Max, really, I’m fine. I just need to- uh, rest? Probably, I’m not too sure.”

“Oh. er, okay then,” Maxime glanced left. He sat down next to Balthazar, leaning against the wall and bringing his knees to his chest.

They sat in silence for a while, both lost in thought.

“Hey, Max?” Balthazar started.

Maxime hummed, to show he was listening.

“What if, and bear with me, what if .. we use my release from prison to sneak you out?” Balthazar smiled.

Maxime considered this. “What’s your plan?”

“Okay, what if- when the guards escort me out- you get a few of your cockroach friends to distract the guard. Y’know, get three or four to crawl on their face, their arms, whatever.” He waved his hand- “When they’re distracted, you walk out, but stay hidden. Try and get as far away as you can, while still being hidden. I’ll run off, and you follow me, got it?”

“Okay, deal!” Maxime smiled and elbowed Balthazar in the side.

“No, no. don’t- don’t start that again.” Balthazar brought his hand to his side to deflect Maxime’s arm.

Maxime’s smile fell. He awkwardly diverted his gaze back to ‘staring straight ahead’.

-

“Tell as many as you can. Okay?” Maxime whispered to a small cockroach he was holding in his palm. The cockroach wandered around his open hand, pausing to look up at Maxime. “Remember; meet at the front doors at 6:30 am, next Tuesday.” The roach chirped. Maxime smiled at the roach, before setting his hand down to let the cockroach scurry away.

He stood up, dusting off his clothes, and walked back to his eating table.

“Hey, what’d it say?” Vector asked, turning to face Maxime with a smile.

The frenchman sat down next to Balthazar, opposite from Vector. “I can’t understand zem, Vector, only zey can understand me.”

“Well, what’s the point of that?” Vector tsked.

“Just be glad I still have some of my abilities,” Maxime snapped, pointing at Vector, “Besides, you weren’t even invited to join us. You just, sort of- joined us by yourself!”

“Awh, I’m hurt, best bud,” Vector furrowed his eyebrows and placed his hands on his chest, faking sadness.

Maxime rolled his eyes. Vector laughed.

“Plus, you need me!” Vector added. 

“Why would we need you, Vector? Enlighten me.” Maxime responded, annoyed.

“Because, uhh.. I can make stuff! Y’know, invent !” Vector did jazz hands.

“We can invent stuff,” Maxime replied, gesturing to himself and Balthazar.

“Oh, yeah? Like what?” Vector interrogated, folding his arms on the table.

“Well, I built a giant cockroach-themed aircraft-slash- groundcraft as well as a raygun that turned the target into a cockroach, and Balthazar here invented a giant mech version of himself, utilising the Dumont Diamond to add a laser into the build.” Maxime responded, knowing, “and what have you built, Vector?”

Vector chuckled. As he spoke, he counted with his fingers. “Squid launcher, Piranha gun, an airship, the SR-6-”

“You stole the SR-6,” Maxime interrupted, “And I’m talking about stuff that your ‘ nepo-daddy ’ didn’t fund. We had to start from scratch, and you didn’t.”

“Oh, ha ha, very funny, bug-man,” Vector nodded his head, “It just means I’m better than you.”

“You got stuck on the moon for 7 years, ” Maxime emphasised, half-blinking, “How does zat happen if ‘you’re better than us’?”

Vector stammered, “W-well at least I don’t star in the worst rated movie in the franchise!”

Maxime’s eyebrows furrowed. “What does zat even mean ?”

Vector stared behind Maxime, seemingly into space. “When you’re stuck in space for years, you learn some things.”

Maxime looked behind himself, then turned back to Vector. “Who are you talking to?”

Vector paused, before blinking and slapping himself across the face. 

“All good!” he exclaimed, “Now, where was I? Oh, right. You need to let me free, I’ll be in debt to you forever!”

“Forever?” Maxime repeated, raising his eyebrow. 

“Well, maybe not forever ,” Vector rolled his wrist, “Maybe, like, 4 grand?”

Maxime glanced at Balthazar, who shook his head. “No.”

“And- and, I’ll fund all your heists and pay for all your material costs for the rest of your lives!” Vector smiled, “Please guys, I need to get out of here!” He clasped his hands together, leaning his elbows on the table.

Maxime rolled his eyes. “Fine, but quit your whining.”

Vector threw his hands in the air and whooped. He then violently shook both Balthazar’s and Maxime’s hands. “Thanks, you guys, I won’t let you down!”

“Quiet down, you’re going to get us caught!” Maxime hushed, glancing around the room.

“Oh, okay, sorry,” Vector whispered, “So, what can I do to help?” he squeezed his hands into fists.

“Err.. bring me any cockroaches you find, so I can tell them the plan.” Maxime said.

“Ew, cockroaches? No! I don’t wanna touch those!” he shook his open hands and stuck out his tongue.

Maxime lifted his eyebrow.

“Okay, fine, I’ll do it.” Vector grumbled.

Maxime nodded.

“So, uh, what are we going to do after we escape?” Balthazar chimed in.

“I don’t know, er, lay low?” Maxime shrugged.

“ Lay low ?” Vector laughed, “No! We have to rise up! Get our 'sequel', y’know?” Vector smiled.

“Then everyone will, first of all, know we’ve escaped, second, will probably get us a longer sentence because we’ve escaped!” Maxime snapped.

“Come on, ‘you sure ?” Vector asked, drawing out the word, “It would be so fun !”

“Y’know what? I’m with ‘ Bowl cut ’ on this!” Balthazar smiled at Maxime, pointing at Vector, “If we go out, we go out with a bang!”

“We’re already out! We’ve been- been fully extinguished!” Maxime responded quickly, frustrated.

“Yeah, but, we’re gonna get a second chance,” Balthazar replied, “What if-” Maxime pinched his index finger and thumb together- “we team up and build a giant ship to get revenge on Gru!”

Maxime clicked his tongue, considering Balthazar's idea. “Okay, but we lay low until we’re 100% ready, okay?”

“Yeah, no, of course!” Balthazar chuckled. Vector nodded in agreement.

Maxime paused, considering this, before he nodded. “Okay, I’m on board.”

-

“Tomorrow is the day,” Balthazar said to Maxime as he paced back and forth across their cell, “Are you sure Vector is ready?”

Maxime fiddled with Balthazar’s rubik’s cube. “No, not at all, but he’ll have to be.”

Balthazar nodded. “Do you think we can pull this off?”

“We’ll have to, we promised Vector.”

“But, like, we don’t owe him anything, y’know? We don’t have to go through with it.”

“He might rat us if we don’t.”

Balthazar sighed. He paused, and sat down next to Maxime on the bottom bunk.

“What are we gonna do after we escape?” Balthazar started, “Like- I know we’re gonna get revenge on Gru, but how do we do that?”

Maxime clicked his tongue. “We could.. er, we could devise a master plan, in which we face off with Gru face-to-face, rather than using some sort of mechanical device to destroy his family.”

“Didn’t you already do that?” Balthazar replied, glancing at Maxime.

“Well, yeah, but we’ll do it better zis time. It’ll be all 3 of us, so he’ll be outnumbered.”

Balthazar nodded his head to the side.

“What are we gonna do to get Gru’s attention?” The dutchman asked, leaning on his arms.

“Er.. we can just approach him, or his house,” Maxime replied, setting the rubik’s cube on the floor.

“That’s boring!” Balthazar drawled, teasing, “Let’s do something fun! Y’know, steal his kids or something!”

“We’ve both done that before, and it hasn’t worked,” Maxime countered, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, right,” Balthazar brought his hand to his chin, “What if we.. smash down his house?”

“That would probably cause fatalities, and/or massive amounts of debt.”

Balthazar clicked his tongue. He smiled, hitting his fist against his open palm. “I got it! We can take his kids- and maybe his minions too- and we can use that cockroach ray of yours to turn them against him. Not only would he have to fight his loved ones, we would have our own army!”

“Oh, yeah! Zat’s a really good idea!” Maxime smiled, turning to face Balthazar, “and we can build a giant ship too!”

“For what purpose?” Balthazar asked.

“Because it’s a staple of villainy, and it’ll make us look cool,” Maxime replied, crossing his arms.

“And- and we need a team name!” Balthazar smiled, turning to face Maxime, “How about, er, how about- ‘The Rad Radicals!” He did jazz hands and smiled, his mouth open.

Maxime cringed. “The outdated slang hurts me,” he laughed.

“Hey, I can be, uh, modern !” Balthazar jabbed his finger into Maxime’s chest.

“You’re younger than me, aren’t you?” Maxime looked Balthazar up and down, “and somehow, I don’t believe you.”

Balthazar scoffed. “Are you sure?”

Maxime nodded towards Balthazar. “Go ahead, show me your knowledge of today’s slang terms,”

“Okay, uh..” Balthazar snarked, “uhh.. rizz ?”

“Use it in a sentence,” Maxime countered, amused.

Balthazar groaned. “Okay, Max, you’re right. Maybe I am a little, uh, outdated, ” he crossed his arms.

Maxime laughed. He paused, before he spoke again. “When do you think we should tell Vector ze plan?”

“Probably when we see him next,” Balthazar replied, “or once we escape.”

“Well, yes, I figured,” Maxime bit his tongue, “But do you think he’ll be able to keep quiet?”

“Probably not,” Balthazar shrugged, “You’re right, we won’t tell him anything else until we get out.”

Maxime nodded and bit his nails.

-

Maxime, Vector and Balthazar sat at a table. Maxime picked at his tray of food, watching Vector wolf down the same bread and slop they’d been eating for the past 2 weeks now. Balthazar didn’t even take a tray of food, he was too stressed about their plan.

The dutchman drummed his fingers against the table, jaw tense.

“Are you sure you don’t want any food?” Maxime offered, pushing his tray towards Balthazar, “I’m surely not going to eat it.”

Balthazar shook his head. “They’re going to call me any minute to let me free, are you sure you guys are ready?”

Vector nodded eagerly. “I’m ready! I’m so ready!”

“Keep your voice down, Vector!” Maxime said, turning his attention to Vector.

“Sorry!” Vector whispered loudly.

“What time is it?” Balthazar asked, looking up at the large digital clock hoisted against the ceiling.

6:27

He exhaled, tapping his foot. “Okay, 3 minutes.. 3 minutes until freedom.. We need to pull this off, guys.”

Maxime nodded. Vector cheered quietly.

Minutes ticked by, although it felt like hours. Balthazar kept nervously glancing at the clock, tense.

“Balthazar Bratt?” A guard called from the exit, making Balthazar jump. A rush of adrenaline poured through his veins. He stood up, nodding at his companions.

“Okay fellas, this is it. Good luck.”

He approached the guard, exhaling shakily.

“Balthazar Bratt, yes?” the guard questioned. Balthazar nodded. The guard held up a photo, glanced between it and the dutchman, then beckoned for Balthazar to follow him as he left. Balthazar glanced at Maxime and Vector as he followed the guard to the exit.

Maxime nodded at Vector, and they both stood up and walked nonchalantly to the room’s exit. Vector kept watch of the guards at the back of the room, and Maxime checked behind the corners. He motioned to Vector, who quickly followed him as they cautiously walked to the exit. The pair ducked behind a small desk, watching Balthazar try to stall the guard.

“Come on, come on.. l es cafards , where are you?” Maxime whispered to himself. He tapped his fingers together.

Balthazar was desperately trying to keep the guard as long as possible. “Well, uh, but my show was cancelled when I was 14, because I had-”

“Look, Bratt, just leave. I don’t want to hear your sob story.” The guard tapped his foot.

“Wait! One more thing, uhh..” Balthazar glanced left, noticing a large flood of cockroaches burst through the prison doors, vents, and pretty much anywhere that lead outside. He yelped and jumped out of the way, leaving the guard to fend for himself against the hoard of cockroaches.

Maxime chuckled in awe, watching this mass of cockroaches crash out of the building. The guard covered his face with his arm, shielding himself from the cockroaches, but to no avail. The swarm tumbled over him, burying him in a sea of insects.

Maxime quickly took the opportunity, grabbing Vector by the forearm and sprinting out of the building. Vector tripped over his legs and ran behind Maxime. Balthazar followed them once he saw them running.

“You never said you’d use that many cockroaches!” Balthazar exclaimed, breathless.

“I didn’t know that many would show up!” Maxime yelled back.

They slowed their pace after they’d got around 100 metres away. Vector keeled over, out of breath.

“Can we.. take.. a break?” Vector wheezed between breaths.

“Woah man, are you okay?” Balthazar asked, breathing deeply, “You sound like a dying VCR.”

Vector waved his hand dismissively at Balthazar. “Yeah, no, I’m.. I’m fine..”

Maxime leaned against the nearby metal fence, trying to catch his breath. He inhaled deeply, placing his hand against his chest.

“Oh, mon dieu ,” he chuckled, breathless, “That was.. thrilling, to say ze least,”

Balthazar laughed. “Yeah, I’ve never escaped from prison before,”

“I’ve never ran that fast before in my life,” Vector noted. He coughed loudly into his arm, spitting up blood.

Balthazar patted Vector on the back. “We really need to get you to a doctor, man.”

-

Valentina threw the dining room door open. "Where the fuck is Le Mal!?"

Everyone turned to stare at her, unresponsive.

Valentina looked up at the guards, "Don't tell me he's escaped?"

The two guards looked at each other. One of the guards clicked on his watch, and spoke into it. "Engage in Lockdown procedure, we have an inmate missing,"

Valentina paused, before walking over to her table. "That slippery bitch. He won't get away with this, I'll make sure of it."

Chapter Text

“Vector, It’s 7:00 in ze morning, and neither me nor Balthazar has had anything to eat,” Maxime pinched the bridge of his nose, “We can’t go to a bar.”

“Come on, guys!” Vector whined, “We need to celebrate our escape!” He elbowed Balthazar in the side.

“Can we at least find somewhere to stay first?” Maxime pleaded.

“My father can find us a safe house.”

“Your father is in prison! He was in the same cell block as us!”

Vector hit himself on the head. “Awh, we should’ve bailed out my dad too!”

“No, this was just meant to be two people. We don’t need to-”

“And you should’ve brought Valentina!”

Maxime paused. “Oh shit, Val.. She’s gonna wonder where I am,” He glanced back towards the prison, “Er.. do you think we should.. er, what should we do?” He bit his nails.

“Leave her, I guess,” Vector shrugged, “She’ll never forgive you for this, though!” he chuckled.

Maxime flattened his antennae and ran his hand through his hair. He bit his tongue and drummed his fingers against his leg.

“Hey, are you okay?” Balthazar asked, placing his hand on Maxime’s right shoulder.

“Yeah,” Maxime dismissed, “But what if she finds us? She’s- she’s gonna..”

“It’s okay, Max, they won’t let her get out. She won’t get to you.”

“Even so, h- her sentence is only another year or so,” Maxime stuttered, “When she gets out, she’ll… she’ll…”

“We can use that year to hide, or- or get prepared,” Balthazar consoled, “It’s okay, love, we’ll be fine,” 

Maxime nodded, biting his nails.

“It was Balthazar all along!?” Vector exclaimed, bringing his hands to the sides of his head, “ He was your lover?!”

The other two turned their heads to face Vector. “What do you mean?” asked Maxime, raising his eyebrow.

“He- he just called you ‘ love ’!” Vector spluttered, gesturing to Balthazar.

The other two didn’t reply.

Vector watched them intently, his eyes darting between the two, before he gasped dramatically.

“Oh. My. Vector. Are you two.. dating ?” He grinned.

“No,” Maxime replied quickly, prompting a glance from Balthazar.

“What are you talking about?” Balthazar half-blinked and furrowed his eyebrows, “Yes, we are, is that.. a problem?”

Maxime’s eyebrows raised. “ Non, er, non , no, not that, er,” he paused, then inhaled sharply, “You know, er, I think Vector was, er, right, in that he.. er, we- we can go get drinks..?”

-

“ n’ I said.. ‘You mean.. zat moon?’” Maxime laughed, throwing his glass down on the countertop. Balthazar laughed boisterously.

“Wow, you guys have.. really low alcohol tolerances,” Vector commented, sipping quietly from his own glass.

Maxime turned his attention to Vector. “Hey, I didn’t azk to come ‘ere..” he said, slurring his words. He drank another gulp of liquor. “ ‘t was your idea.!”

Vector half-blinked. “Maxime, you still have antennae?”

Maxime glanced up. “Yeah, I’ave antennae.! What’d you gonna do about it?” He crossed his arms and nodded at Vector. He paused, before attempting to flatten the antennae sticking out of his hair. The antennae immediately sprung back up again.

“That reminds me..” Balthazar lifted his pointer finger, “I.. I embarrassed him sooo bad!” He laughed loudly, “I.. I stole the- the diamond, right, and Gru chased me-” he retched- “Eugh, Gru . Any-way, I blasted him with my sonic, sonic keytar- n’ he fell through the bubblegum n’ he- he went past a window, and he was SO emba- em.. embarrassed!” He laughed and signalled to the bartender to get him another drink. 

The young adult rolled her eyes and handed Balthazar and Maxime both another glass of whatever they’d just had. Vector signalled to the bartender, and she walked over to him.

“Hey, uh, can you get them some food?” He asked, voice hushed, “And thanks again for not reporting us to the cops.”

The bartender chuckled dryly. “I don’t get paid enough to care about that stuff, but you’re welcome.” She walked into a room behind the counter labelled ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’.

Vector put his half-full glass down on the countertop and spun it around slowly.

“Wait, wait wait wait wait, Max, sh sh shshshsh…” Balthazar hushed Maxime, grabbing his arm and leaning against him, “I think I can hear… Vector try’na share his Gru storiez!” He turned to Vector, who- upon hearing his name- turned to face the other two.

“Oh, yeah! What was Gru like.. er.. 8 years ago?” Maxime laughed, “Wow, you are old, Vector!”

“I’m 29,” Vector replied, curt.

The pair’s laughter died down.

“29?” Maxime repeated, “You were 20 when you stole the pyramid- pyramids?”

“21,” Vector corrected, “Youngest supervillain of the 21st century.”

“What about- er.. what was her name? ’Stole- stole Lenny..” Maxime rolled his wrist and bit his tongue, before snapping his fingers, “Oh! er- Poppy! Poppy pres- Prescott!”

“She stole Lenny?” Vector questioned, “Who- who’s ‘ Lenny ’?”

Maxime scoffed. “Obvi-ously ze mascot of Lycee Pas Bon ,” he said, as if he was pointing out the obvious.

“You can’t be serious, right?” Vector chuckled, “A school mascot? That doesn’t sound super villainous, does it?”

Maxime considered this, scrunching his face and bringing his hand to his face. “Er, yeah, ’guess so..”

Vector chuckled, “Okay, Gru stories?”

Balthazar cheered. Maxime nodded.

“Okay, okay..” Vector chuckled, “So, I met Gru at my dad’s bank. He was trying to get a loan for his massive project- he was, Uh, trying to steal the moon, because I had hurt his shallow ego with my Pyramid heist.-” he laughed- “and- and I tried to befriend him, but he didn’t like me.” He tsked, fake-upset.

“Anyway, Gru had a really bad plan to steal the SR-6, so I took it from him as, uh, revenge- sort of, for not teaming up with me, and-”

“Awh, boring !” Balthazar drawled, raspberrying, “Your story is boring ! Where’s the gossip? The romance? The- the scandal ! It’s what we came here for!”

“.. What ?” Vector narrowed his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows, “What do you think happened with Gru?”

Balthazar paused, “Sorry, I was- quoting something, I think,” He broke eye contact, “What- what’re we talking about again..?”

Vector raised his eyebrow, before turning back to face his glass.

The bartender emerged from the back room, setting down two plates of cheese nachos in front of Maxime and Balthazar. As she did this, she turned towards Vector.

“I hope you’re gonna pay for this,” she smiled at Vector. Vector smiled and winked back.

“Woa-hoah, what’s this?” Balthazar asked, picking a tortilla chip from the small brown paper tray and putting it in his mouth. “Oh my god, this is the best food I’ve had in years!” he began shovelling the nachos into his mouth.

Maxime, hearing Balthazar’s sort-of review, he gingerly picked up a chip and ate it.

“That good, huh?” The bartender asked, putting her hands on her hips, “You must’ve had some really bad food in jail, then.”

“Prison,” Vector corrected, gaining the bartender’s attention, “And yes, we did, why is that- important?”

The bartender raised her eyebrows. “No, uh, it’s just that those nachos-” she nodded towards the paper plates- “ are one of the worst rated foods we sell here.” she chuckled.

Vector laughed awkwardly and took a sip of his drink, breaking eye contact.

“Hey, er, can we get more-’ve these, er.. crisps? Torti-lla crisps?” Maxime pointed to the trays of nachos. Balthazar’s was empty, and he was picking chips out of Maxime’s.

“Oh, uh, sure,” The bartender walked into the back room, the door swinging shut behind her.

Balthazar hummed. “We should fig-ure out where to stay, we can’t stay here forever ,”

“Yeah, I agree,” Vector said, “and if my dumb dad wasn’t in prison, we’d have somewhere to stay.” He nodded to Maxime.

“..Whaddya lookin’ at me for..?” He slurred, “I’aven’t got a place to stay.”

“You didn’t let me take my dad!” Vector clarified, upset.

Maxime rolled his eyes. “You wer-n’t even in-v.. invited to join us!” he spat.

“I couldn’t pass up an opportunity to escape prison !” Vector’s voice rose.

“Friends, let’z calm down !” Balthazar leaned backwards in his seat, “There’s no need t’ fight! Take a chill pill!”

Vector groaned. “Come on, guys! I thought you’d be more fun !”

“What? I can be fun !” Balthazar responded, mocking Vector’s tone of voice. “What’s- what’s fun for you?”

Vector raised his eyebrow. “I’ve been waiting to do this,” he smiled, throwing his hands in the air, “Beer pong!” he cheered, standing up. Balthazar smiled, mouth open, and turned to Maxime. “ ’you gonna play too.?”

Maxime hummed. “Izn’t it two players? T-two player game?”

“You’re both drunk,” Vector said, “You can be on the same team. Then I can beat both of you!” he puffed out his chest, prideful.

“It’s on like Donkey Kong.!” Balthazar jeered, downing the rest of his glass and standing up. He grabbed Maxime’s arm, pulling him up and off of his stool.

“Okay, uh, bartender?” Vector called. The bartender opened the door, stepping through the doorway.

“Yeah? What'd you need?” she asked, propping the back door open with her foot.

“We’re gonna play beer pong, can we get some- some cups? Of- of beer?” Vector leaned on the countertop, glancing left.

“At 8:00 in the morning?” the bartender chuckled, “Sure, uh, do you still want these nachos?” she replied, gesturing to the back room.

Vector glanced towards Balthazar. “Do you want more nachos?” Balthazar shook his head.

“Yeah, uh, no more chips,” Vector turned back to face the bartender, who rolled her eyes and stepped back into the back room. Vector slowly looked around the empty bar, before jogging to another table opposite the countertop.

“Hey,” Vector waved to Maxime and Balthazar, “We can play here, come on!” 

Balthazar started to walk towards the table, but he tripped over his feet and stumbled sideways, letting go of Maxime’s arm and latching onto a small railing attached to the wall. He stood up straight again, trying to regain his balance, and walked over to Vector. He rested his hands on the table, leaning on his arms.

The bartender walked out of the back room, pushing the door open with the side of her body, holding a beer bottle in one hand and a stack of red plastic cups in the other. She handed the objects to Maxime, before quickly returning to the back room.

Maxime stayed put for a second, dazed, before he turned around and began to walk over to Balthazar and Vector.

“Hey, uh, do you need help.. with that?” Vector asked, stepping closer to Maxime, who shook his head. The frenchman made it to the table, setting down the beer bottle. As he went to put down the cups, his hand slipped, causing the cups to fall and scatter across the floor. Balthazar laughed.

Vector chuckled, before he kneeled down and started collecting the cups. He stacked a few, before looking up. “Hey, is anyone gonna help me?”

Maxime paused, before kneeling down and picking up a few cups, mumbling something with the word “sorry” in it. Balthazar sat down, legs crossed and hands folded over his ankles. He picked up a cup and fiddled with it.

Vector tapped his stack of cups against the floor before holding his hand out towards Balthazar, asking for his cup. Balthazar handed Vector the cup. He turned to Maxime, who held out the stack of 4 or so cups he’d collected. Vector took the stack, grouping it with his own. He stood up, grabbed 8 cups from the stack, and began arranging the cups on the table.

Maxime stood up, waiting idly at the opposite side of the table to Vector. Balthazar stood up as well, walking over to Maxime and resting his head on Maxime’s. “You should’ buy one of my Evil Bratt toys.! They’re the best!”

Maxime glanced at Balthazar. “Where would I get one-of thoze? Ar’nt you canc-elled.?”

“ I’ave toooo many ta’ count!” Balthazar exclaimed, panning his hand across, “You can have one’v mine,” he grinned and poked Maxime in the chest.

“Okay, set these up like my side,” Vector handed the others the remaining 8 cups. He picked up the beer bottle and filled his cups half-full, then took the ping-pong ball out of his pocket and began juggling it.

Balthazar picked up the stack and split it in two. He dropped one of the stacks and it landed sideways, one of the cups spilling onto the table. He set the cup right-side up, and placed the other cups on the table. Maxime picked up the stack of cups that had fallen over and began setting them on the table.

“Tada.!” Balthazar drawled, doing jazz hands, once the pair had finished setting the cups up. The triangle they’d formed was crooked, and Maxime moved one cup to the left in an attempt to make the triangle look better.

“Uh- no, that’s, uh..” Vector walked over to the others’ side of the table, pushing Balthazar out of the way, and adjusting the cups to form a more orderly triangle. He reached over and grabbed the bottle of beer and filled each cup half-way, before walking back to his side of the table. Maxime picked up one of the cups, examining it.

“Don’t drink that yet,” Vector pointed to Maxime, who slowly set the cup back down. Vector tossed the ball he was holding in the air, before catching it and gently throwing it towards Balthazar’s and Maxime’s cups. It landed with a quiet splash in the cup closest to Balthazar, and Vector cheered. Balthazar pulled the ball out of the cup and grabbed it with his other hand, downing it in one large gulp. He exhaled loudly and planted the cup on the table as it made a hollow thud noise. “A’right, my’ turn!” He pushed Maxime to the corner of the table, standing unsteadily and aiming for Vector’s cups.

He threw the cup, but his arm slipped and the ball landed a few centimetres from Vector’s cup. He clicked his tongue. Vector jeered. “My turn!”

Maxime lifted his finger, “Oh, er, do’I get-a turn.?”

“You’n’ Bratt are on the same team, so you guys take turns throwing.” He grabbed the ball from the table, and wound his arm before throwing it over his shoulder. It landed in one of Balthazar’s cups, the one furthest to the right. “Ha-ha! Oh yeah!”

Balthazar groaned and drank the beer. He wiped his mouth, pulling the ball out of the cup. Maxime reached to take the ball from Balthazar’s hand, but he swiped it away.

“No, m’ sure I’m gonna get’m this time,” he slurred, leaning on the table. He squinted his eyes and threw the ball, keeping his arm movement minimal. The ball hit one of Vector’s cups, bouncing off of the rim and landing next to the cup, rolling to the edge of the table.

“Argh, son of a- betamax!” He exclaimed through gritted teeth. He kicked the table leg, causing the two empty cups to fall over.

This repeated a few times, causing Vector to get more confident and Balthazar to get more agitated. Vector’s throws got more showy and extreme, and Balthazar’s throws got faster and sloppier as he got more drunk.

As Vector had just scored his 6th point against Balthazar, the dutchman snapped. The drinks and the repetitive losses had made him angry. He walked towards Vector, pushing the table out of the way. He stumbled and put his hand on the table for balance. He jabbed Vector in the chest.

“That’s enough, you fucking-” He put his hand over his mouth, interrupting himself, before throwing up on the floor next to Vector. He groaned and leaned on the table, holding his hand against his stomach.

“Okay.. that’s enough alcohol for you,” Vector looked Balthazar up and down, stepping away from the puddle next to him, “..we should go. Maxime, ‘you coming?”

Maxime nodded, dropping the empty cup he was fiddling with, and stumbled towards Vector. He narrowly avoided stepping in the vomit, instead tripping over his feet in his attempt to dodge it. Vector caught him before he could fall, and the frenchman stood back upright.

“You know,” Vector started, grunting with effort as he hoisted Balthazar onto his shoulder, “It’s kind of weird how Balthazar is over a foot taller than me.”

Maxime nodded absently. The group walked to the exit, Maxime placing his hand on Vector’s shoulder for stability.

The bartender walked out of the back room, noticing the group. “Hey, are you going to pay for this!?”

Vector laughed, turning to look at the bartender. “We’re supervillain fugitives , did you forget?” He exited the room alongside Maxime and Balthazar, the door closing behind them.

The bartender groaned in frustration and returned to the back room. She picked up the old landline, dialling the AVL’s phone number.

“ Hello, this is the AVL, my name is Laurie, how can I help? ” a receptionist replied.

“Hi,” the bartender started, “I’ve seen 3 villains. They’ve escaped prison.”

The receptionist paused. “ We’re currently on lockdown, can you describe what they look like? ”

“Vector Perkins, Balthazar Bratt, and Maxime Le Mal.”

“ We’re on our way. ”

The bartender narrowed her eyes. “Send your best agent. These guys are tough, from what I’ve heard.”

The receptionist paused. The bartender heard scribbling noises from the other line. “ Okay, we’ll send Agents Gru and Lucy. ”

The bartender smiled briefly and hung up the phone on the wall mount. She glanced at the swinging door, before returning to whatever she was doing before.

-

“54 bottles’o beer on the wall, 54 bottlez of beer.!” Balthazar raised the plastic cup that he’d taken from the bar, leaning against Vector. Maxime sang with him, grinning like a kid.

“Can you guys be quiet?” Vector rolled his eyes, “You’ve been singing for so long now. It’s getting annoying.”

Balthazar laughed. “We’re not’ done yet.!” He continued singing, finishing the rest of the beer in his cup and dropping the cup on the ground.

“Wait! wait, there-s m’ er.. er..” Maxime pointed towards a street corner, “There. Go’ there!”

“Why?” Vector stopped walking, causing Balthazar to trip and fall to the ground.

Maxime paused. “It’s, er.. the.. what is ze word?”

Vector jaywalked over to the street corner followed by the other two villains, causing a car to skid to a stop. The car honked, and Balthazar flipped it off, mumbling something about respect and bad drivers.

“Yes, it’z there,” Maxime pushed Vector towards a small grate in the ground. “Ze cockroaches told me about’ zis entrance. I never reg- er, regarded it as a, er, im-portant, but we can use this as-”

“It’s an entrance to your base?” Vector raised his eyebrows, a grin crawling onto his face, “That’s amazing! Do you think they’ve demolished it?”

Maxime stumbled towards the grate, using too much force to rip it off of the cement. It wasn’t very tightly bolted on, so he tripped backwards and crashed into the wall behind him.

Balthazar ran towards Maxime, leaning against the wall and checking to make sure Maxime wasn’t injured.

Vector peered down the grate, realising it wasn’t a very significant fall into the base. He narrowed his eyes and concluded that it was around 10 feet. 

“Guys, come on! Let’s go!” He beckoned to the other two, jumping down the manhole. His knees bent as he landed, absorbing the impact of the fall. He stood up again, cracking his knuckles, and called to the pair once again.

Maxime pushed himself off of the wall and jumped into the grate as well, waving to the small rat playing its makeshift banjo, followed by Balthazar who tripped over as he landed.

Vector sighed, watching the two others land, and placed his hands on his hips. “You said this was an entrance to your base?” he repeated, looking around.

Maxime laughed. “No.. ‘never said zat,”

“Never ever,” Balthazar repeated to himself. “Neverevereverever.”

“What?” Vector’s eyebrows furrowed, concern laced in his voice, “Have we just climbed into a random sewer grate?”

“Have we?” Maxime repeated, standing up and leaning against the wall, the flimsy metal bending under the weight.

Vector groaned. “Can you cut it out? I’m trying to hide us from the AVL, and you’re no help!”

Maxime chuckled. “That’z-what I waz gonna say t’ you when you joined our group.!” he pointed to Vector.

Vector paused. “You were? You know what- nevermind.-” he waved his hand dismissively, stepping further into the thin tunnel to the group’s left- “You need to tell me. Are we in your base or not?”

Maxime walked to the side of Vector, keeping his hand on the wall for balance. “Dave? Linda? Where’re you?”

Almost immediately, 2 cockroaches crawled out of the shadows, running up to Maxime. The frenchman held out his hand, and the pair of cockroaches skittered onto it. They peered up towards Maxime, who smiled back at them.

He laughed, holding out his other hand and petting the small insects on their back plates. They chirped in response. “I’m back!” he whispered.

“Awh, Dave an’ Linda!” Balthazar cooed, approaching the other two villains, “They’re m’ favourite!”

“Zey can’t, er, under-stand you,” Maxime replied, “you know that, no?”

Balthazar paused. “C-can I hold one.?”

“Guys, grow up!” Vector barked, “This is a serious mission! We need to go!”

Balthazar rolled his eyes. “We’re al’ready ‘ere! Why-do we need’ta be careful ?” He stepped further into the thin tunnel, occasionally tripping and hitting against the wall.

Vector followed the dutchman, grabbing Maxime by the arm and dragging him along. Maxime hastily propped his hand against the wall, urging the cockroaches to get off of his hand .

The tunnel tapered off into a crawl space. Balthazar got to the end first, noticing the ventilation duct they were inside. He stared through the grate, taking in the large and unfamiliar area in front of him.

“Hey, Max, why do’ya have signs up that say, uh..” he squinted and craned his neck, looking closer into the room, “ ‘ Welcome Back Maxime ’?”

Maxime paused, biting his tongue. “Er.. ‘must’ve forgotten to take it down.”

Balthazar shrugged- at least, the closest thing to shrugging when you’re crawling in an air vent- and kicked the grate. After a few tries, he managed to knock down the grate, and it landed with a loud clatter on the floor.

He stuck his head out of the vent shaft, looking further around the room. He noticed the large amount of cockroaches scurrying around the area, and watched as a few crawled into the vent shaft. Maxime spoke to the cockroaches as they passed him, asking about their day and the like.

Vector pushed Balthazar forward, causing the dutchman to fall out of the vent. He gasped and clawed at the ledge, attempting to hang onto the shaft, but his fingers slipped and he fell directly onto the grate, landing on his side.

“ Ow ,” Balthazar yelled to Vector, “What was that for.?”

“What?” Vector laughed. “You guys aren’t being serious about this, so I won’t either! I can have fun too!”

No one laughed. The cockroaches chirped.

Balthazar stood up, his knees buckling from lack of motor control, and he stumbled around the perimeter of the room. The cockroaches crawled around and on his body, using their feelers to inspect him. He flicked one of the cockroaches off of his shoulder, but the other roaches didn’t seem to notice.

“You guys are no fun,” Vector mumbled to himself, hopping down from the vent, 

“ ’shouldn’t’ve come with,” He landed with a loud clang sound, from landing on the grate, and stood up. He kicked the grate out of the way, beckoning for Maxime to jump down.

The frenchman jumped down from the opening in the ceiling, scraping his antennae on the sharp screws left hanging half-way out of the wall. He landed on the tiled floor, bringing his hands to the top of his head and attempting to flatten his antennae.

“Do you have anywhere me and Balthazar can sleep?” Vector asked, picking up one of the cameras from its stand curiously and carrying it with him.

Maxime stood up, folding his hair over his antennae. “There’s- my room and, er, Val’s room, and a guest room.”

Vectr paused. “Why do you have a guest room in a villain base?” Vector turned to face Maxime, raising his eyebrow.

“For ze cockroaches,” Maxime clarified, upset by the fact Vector didn’t consider them.

Vector rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to sleep there. I’ll take Valentina’s room, Balthazar can sleep in the guest room.” He inhaled, coming to a realisation, “Hey, uh, why do you live here? Shouldn’t you have some sort of safe house ?” He rolled his wrist.

“Well so-rry zat me and Val had to work for-our money.!” Maxime bit his tongue.

“But you’re a villain, you can just rob someone!”

“I’m a scientist !” Maxime yelled, exasperated, “I don’know how to do zat!”

Vector sighed. He walked towards a white door, fiddling with the handle in an attempt to unlock it. He slid it open, realising this was Maxime’s laboratory. He paused, a grin crawling onto his face, and ran into the room despite Maxime’s protests. The frenchman ran after him, leaving the door ajar behind him as he followed Vector into the room.

Vector swung a cupboard door open curiously as Maxime caught up to him. He grinned wide as he noticed what was inside the cupboard, pulling out a ray-gun-type invention with a clatter. Maxime rolled his eyes.

“No way, are these your prototypes?” Vector laughed, glancing at Maxime, “These are so cute, I love the antennae!”

“They’re not cute, why do people keep saying that?” Maxime groaned, grabbing the ray out of Vector’s hands, “Eugh, zis was my first cockroach gun. I didn’t have ze right components, ze subjects just, er..”

Vector rolled his eyes. “I don’t care, I want’ to test it!” He pulled another cockroach gun from the cupboard, accidentally knocking a third one to the floor, and cocked it.

Vector shot the gun spontaneously, prompting Maxime to duck. The bullet hits an empty flask with a loud clang. The flask sprouted dull brown cockroach limbs, as well as drooping antennae.

“It works on objects too?!” Vector yelled, thrilled, running up to the flask and accidentally pulling one of the limbs off.

Maxime turned to face Vector, slowly standing up and flattening his antennae, “ ‘s not supposed to.”

Vector pushed the laboratory’s door open, briefly scanning the room before locking onto a wooden box as a target. He fired the gun, grinning, but he missed. The ray flew past the box, hitting the reflective wall and bouncing off in another direction.

Vector dropped his arm and watched the bullet, his eyes darting to its location.

Maxime ducked, bringing his hands to his head, as the bullet passed him. It ricocheted off of the wall behind him, and the two fugitives watched as the bullet hit Balthazar directly in the chest.

The dutchman stumbled back, bringing his hands to his chest and keeling over in pain. He quickly glanced up, looking around the room, before spotting Vector holding the cockroach gun in his limp arms.

Balthazar stood straight and stepped closer to Vector, opening his mouth to say something, but instead a choking noise emerged from his throat as he doubled over in pain again.

Large cockroach limbs sprouted from his sides, and antennae sprung from his head as he fell to his knees. He wrapped his arms around himself, squeezing his eyes shut. He curled into a ball and fell onto the floor.

Vector stood and watched, his hand covering his mouth. The cockroach ray fell onto the ground with a thud. He snickered.

“Hah, now you two really do belong together! You- you’re both cockroaches !” he stifled his laughter.

Maxime looked at Vector. He opened his mouth retort, but just sighed. “Get- er, get me my first-aid kit. It’s a yellow bag, inside is a few syringes.” Maxime nodded towards the laboratory, before rushing over to Balthazar, who was trying desperately to stop the tears falling down his cheeks.

“Hey, er, it’s gonna be okay, er..” Maxime started, kneeling down beside Balthazar, “Well, actually, er, I’ve- never used that ray gun on a living person before so I’m not sure if you’ll be okay”

“Not.. helping,” Balthazar said through gritted teeth, “This hurts like hell, I can’t.. what’s happening.?”

Vector ran over to the other two, handing Maxime a small bag which looked like some sort of pencil case. “Is this it?”

Maxime nodded, before zipping open the bag and rummaging through it. He pulled out a syringe filled with glittery green liquid and jammed into Balthazar’s upper arm, pressing down on the plunger. 

Balthazar stopped writhing soon after Maxime pulled the syringe out of his arm, and he visibly relaxed.

Maxime paused. “Zat was, er.. a sedative mixed with strong painkillers. Er, he probably won’t be awake until the morning.

Vector nodded. “So, er, how are we going to fix this?”

Maxime sighed. “I have no idea.”

-

Balthazar woke up with a jump, breathing in sharply and sitting up. He looked around the room, squinting from the lights, before noticing the cockroach limbs protruding from his sides.

He looked down at his sides, fruitlessly attempting to pull out the limbs. He ran his hand over his hair, feeling the antennae shooting out of his skull. He pulled a small cosmetic mirror out of his pocket that he’d stolen from Valentina and opened it, hands shaking. His eyes were now an inky black colour, with a small white pupil in the middle.

His eyebrows furrowed and he looked around the mirror, analysing every weird cockroach limb. “What the hell is going on!?”