Archive of Our Own ^beta

His first memory was the sound of cruel laughter and the smell of burning flesh.

It had been raining that night. Yet, the flames burned high, devouring the crime done to the people who once lived there and painting the sky the colour of blood.

Because a child’s fragile mind could not bear to witness the light fading from people’s eyes, he was born into this sad world.

How cruel it was for a child to witness something so terrible. So, he covered Kakavasha’s eyes and blocked his ears, tuning out the cries and screams of the dead until they were but a distant memory.

“Kakavasha, don’t cry.”

He gently kissed away Kakavasha’s tears as he tried to soothe the child who was the mirror image of himself.

“I will protect you, so let’s endure together.”

Because from now on, there would be no one left.

“Because from the bottom of my heart, I love youmyself most.”

Kakavasha was born on the day of the Kakava, with the blessing of fresh rain from Mother Goddess.

Kakavasha was born on the day of the Kakava, and his last family was burning, until nothing was left.

“Happy birthday to youus, Kakavasha.”

Later, Kakavasha was captured and sold as a slave. Then he killed his slave master, tricked both the IPC and the Intelligentsia Guild, and was brought before Jade, all according to a reckless bet. Kakavasha was there by his host’s side during all these turning moments and braved every hardship together. He was there when the hot iron bit into their neck with an unremovable code, branding them with their fate as a lowly commodity. He was there when they killed all the other 34 slaves in a sadistic live-or-dead game their master devised, and was there when they planned their master’s murder in cold blood days later. He was there when they schemed to deceive the geniuses from beyond the sky, and was there when they were punished for their lies with brutal methods. He was there during all of Kakavasha’s waking moments, during his highest and lowest, protecting him from the worst of their trauma. They would come up with schemes together, and Kakavasha would be the one who pulled the trigger. Because Kakavasha was the only person who loved his host.

That was how it had always been from the moment he was born.

Kakavasha, now Aventurine of the Stonehearts, met a genius from the Intelligentsia Guild.

As always, he demonstrated his modus operandi to his soon-to-be project partner in a game of roulette. One, two, three, he pulled the trigger repeatedly against his chest without hesitation. One, two, three, they were all empty clicks. His smile widened at the small victory, but the expression on the Doctor’s face was furious with concern.

For the first time since he lost his last family, Aventurine thought someone might look at him and not just disregard him as a crazy gambler. As if the Doctor had seen him, seen through all his charades, and decided Aventurine’s worth was more than his name.

As if, despite all the sins he had committed to survive, Kakavasha was still worthy of love.

Even though that was just how the Doctor treated anyone because of his philanthropic nature, deep down, Aventurine was grateful for his kindness.

“Wasn’t that so kind of the Professor? The way he looked at you, it was like he actually cared.” Aventurine teased his host after their latest mission with Dr. Ratio ended, “You should let me play with him sometimes too.”

“Yes, he treats everyone equally, because he is that kind of person. He taught me mercy again,” his host told him. “Our heart has been closed to the harshness of the world for so long, but he showed me this cruel world could still be kind. His kindness reminded me of happiness.”

That was what his host said. But Aventurine could hear the unspoken words loud and clear.

My love has never been enough to bring you happiness.

All I could ever do was endure the pain with you together.

And his host said, suddenly, unceremoniously, “I have to abandon you.”

And Aventurine heard the words, but he couldn’t comprehend their meaning. “What… are you even talking about?”

But his host continued, looking him in the eyes, unblinking, “You are my strength and my cruelty. You did dirty deeds for me when I couldn’t myself.

“Everything I have gained was thanks to you. Because you took the bet when I was scared and trembling. Without fail, you took down all of our enemies and obstacles.

“But, you are like a disease to me now. An ugly disease that shouldn’t infect his purity with its callous tactics.”

Aventurine didn’t understand, even after his host had explained to him.

But I am the one who has always been by your side. I am the one who has always loved you, from the bottom of my heart. He didn’t object, even when his heart broke at the poisonous thought that his host no longer needed him.

That all his care, all his love was worthless compared to the simple compassion of someone.

That he was unneeded.

But, Aventurine had always loved himself most. And if his host no longer wanted him, then he would sink deep into the sea of their subconscious and never resurface to the light again.

Aventurine forgot about the other who had always been on the other side of him.

From then on, there was only one.

Penacony came, and with the call from the Harmony, Aventurine was awakened from the endless darkness.

This time, he would make sure to carve his existence into his host’s memories, so he would never forget again.

Or, that had been his plan.

Revenge. What a pretty concept. It’s a pity they had never walked the path of the Hunt.

Aventurine had thought he would avenge his host upon waking up again. For having abandoned him in the dark. For forgetting all their bandages.

But of course, such a thing was impossible from the start.

Because he loved himself most, and that had never been a lie.

Penacony ended, and Aventurine had a final goodbye with his host.

Within the nothingness of the Nihility, Aventurine waited patiently as his host said goodbye to his child alter. Kakavasha held the memories of his host’s once innocent past before that fateful night, before Aventurine had been born. Memories that both Aventurine and his host had forsaken in order to survive. But now, within the realm of nothingness, they could finally reconcile with their past.

And then, it was Aventurine’s turn.

There was a lot he had wanted to say when he was still trapped in the dark. Cruel words, bitter words, words meant to cut, to hurt. His host never apologised, but it wasn’t his fault that Aventurine was just a byproduct of their trauma. And now, none of these things mattered anymore.

Aventurine held his root in an embrace and kissed his forehead, just like how his late family had done to them before everything had gone south.

I have always wanted to do this. Back then, whenever you had nightmares about our people being murdered, and we were the lone survivor.

When we were captured and branded by the slave dealer.

When you first took another life, and another, and another.

When we were strapped to that electric chair by Iymanikan warlords.

And when I found out you had planned to bet with your life as a chip yet again.

Aventurine didn’t say any of that, but he was sure this time, even without a sound, his words would reach Aventurine.

I’m grateful to have this chance to meet you again, and to be able to say goodbye properly this time.

Goodbye, Kakavasha.

May all your nightmares be vanquished, and your dreams be full of gentle sunlight.